 For your entertainment and pleasure, here is our Miss Brooks, starring Eve Arden. She teaches English at Madison High School, as always hoped that someday she would head her department. But with Mrs. Emma Finch holding down the job for the past five years, it didn't look like Connie Brooks would ever get a crack at it until last week. It was right before the final exam that Mr. Conklin, our principal, told me Mrs. Finch was not only retiring from the position, but actually leaving the school. When I asked him why, he blushed and replied, because it's best for all concerned. Oddly enough, it was our bashful biology teacher, Mr. Boynton, who finally told me the reason. We were alone in his laboratory at the time, and he said, Mrs. Finch is going to have a B-A-B-Y. I guess he put it that way so as not to embarrass some young rabbits who were listening. Anyway, Friday morning at breakfast, I was talking to my landlady, Mrs. Davis, about it. Well, what do you think, Mrs. Davis? You suppose I'll get the job? I can't see any reasons why you shouldn't, Connie. Honestly? But can you see any reasons why I should, Mrs. Davis? No, I can't see any of those either. Except for Mr. Conklin to recommend the new department head to the Board of Education, isn't it? Yes, it is. Well, how do you stand with him? Everything. How do you mean, Mrs. Davis? Have you been previous, cooperative, obedient, and respectful? No, no, no. And maybe I'd better forget the whole thing. Of course, it's not entirely up to Mr. Conklin's opinion of me personally. My work's got something to do with it, hasn't it? Thank you, Connie. Your work should have everything to do with it. That's what I say. Maybe I'd better forget the whole thing. Are there any other English teachers at Madison or Guinea as long as you have? Let's see. Yes, Miss Enright's been there about the same length of time, and she's been quite friendly with the Conklin's, too. Of course, I have Mr. Conklin's daughter Harriet in my class, and we're great friends. Then that wouldn't influence Mr. Conklin, any. Although Harriet's a pretty good pupil, thank goodness, and her marks have all been exceptionally high. That might count for something with the old... He might make his decision right away. He might leave the position open for a while. I wish I knew, but then there's no sense in brooding about it. I'm either to be head of the department or I'm not to be. Oh, thanks for reminding me, Connie. I must get two tickets for Hamlet today. I promise, like Mr. Angela, I'll take you to see it. Of course, even if I forgot about it, she'd probably never even mention it. She's so absent-minded, poor thing. The older she gets, the more forgetful she is. How old is she now, Mrs. Davis? Who? Your sister. Which one? Angela, the absent-minded one. Oh, she's in the low 70s. That's pretty good golfing, old lady. Oh, Angela's not half as bad as my brother, Victor. He's so forgetful sometimes. Why, do you know, Connie, he can be talking to you about something and right in the middle of the sentence, get off on another topic altogether. Really? Yes, it's quite disconcerting, but I guess it's just something that scrambled Borough to fry, Connie. Well, I suppose you just asked me. What? Dear, how would you like them? I'd like them introduced into the conversation a little earlier. But now that you bring it up, Mrs. Davis, I'll take them any way you want yours. Good. Then we'll both have oatmeal. That's the only way to eat eggs. Where's the coffee, Mrs. Davis? Right here, Connie. I'll pour you some. Thanks. You know, it isn't just the extra salary that makes me so anxious to head the English department. It's the additional income. How much of a raise will you get, Connie? Oh, I'm not certain of the exact amount, Mrs. Davis, but it's well over $9 a month. Just think, I won't have to put newspapers in my shoes when the souls wear out. Now I can use magazine paper. You mentioned the Miss N right before, Connie. Is that the rather new teacher you're telling me about? That's her, Mrs. Davis. And if she gets that job as head of the English department, she'll be impossible. What she walks around the school now is if she's inspecting the stockyards. And he coughs to people. Why, darling, you look positively she's. I mean, just too, too terribly, so I'm yay. It's sickening. Oh, don't get any more oatmeal again. Just finish your coffee. You've been derailed again, Mrs. Davis. Let me help you back on the track. I'm talking about Miss Enright, a rival English teacher. She's got me worried. Oh, don't worry about it, Connie. I'm sure her baby will be a fine, healthy specimen. She isn't the one who's going to have the baby, Mrs. Davis. Well, that's a shame. I think the mother should always take care of her own baby, no matter what. It's Mrs. Finch who's having the baby. Who? Mrs. Finch. Oh, well, that's a very nice name for a baby. Now, if you'll excuse me, Connie, I've got to clean up the dishes. All right, Mrs. Davis, you clean up the dishes and I'll clean up the conversation by myself. I'd help you in the kitchen, but I've got to get ready to go to school. Walter Den's picking me up any minute. Oh, Walter's such a nice boy. It's a pity he's not a more brilliant student, but I think I know what his trouble is, Connie. Lack of concentration. Concentration? Yes. If he would just concentrate on one subject at a time. If he's the kind of a boy who, well, he's the type that can... Um, Connie, yes? What were we talking about? Walter Den's. Oh, he's picking you up this morning, isn't he? What happened to your car, Connie? You just got it out of the repair shop. I know, Mrs. Davis, but I took it out the night of the big freeze. Oh. I did try to warm it up a little. I poured some boiling water into the radiator, but then the engine made the strangest sound. What kind of a sound, Connie? Well, I may be wrong, Mrs. Davis, but I'd swear it said, why don't you get yourself a bicycle? I'm glad you picked me up a little early this morning, Walter. Today may be a very important day in my life. Well, the importance of today or any day in your life, Miss Brooks, is only exceeded by your importance to your adoring pupils. Of which, if I may be so bold, I consider myself one of the most worshipful in reverence. Amen. Thank you, Walter. There's things about you, Miss Brooks. Character traits, I guess you'd call them, which are not to be found in any other teachers I've ever come into contact with. I just know that you are an eminently fair person. I also know that you're kind, gentle, and considerate of those who may not possess the superior mentality, which is obviously your birthright. What else do you know, Walter? That today you're giving us the final exams in English. I thought you were a little over smitten with me this morning. Oh, I'm not trying to influence you to give me a better mark. Oh, no, I'd bend over backwards rather than curry favors. But I've actually studied for this test, Miss Brooks. But even Saturday, when Harriet dragged me to the movies, I took my books right up to the balcony with me. What were you studying, Romeo and Juliet? Oh, you're kidding me, Miss Brooks, but I'm serious. I really crammed in that movie. But how could you read in the dark? Oh, it isn't always dark, and they have a three-minute intermission between pictures. Well, that's plenty of time, especially if you were studying in shorthand. Of course, not knowing exactly what the questions are going to be about makes it a little tougher. Naturally? Sort of a strain on a student not to know approximately the nature of the questions he should expect. That's true. And just because a student has been fortunate enough to make a personal contact with a teacher whom he not only admires and respects as a person, but whose integrity and honesty as an instructor he holds in such high esteem is no reason for one to presume that just because he drives at a school faithfully and promptly she would relinquish just one tiny iota of that integrity and split them a little advanced information about the test. You're so right, Walter. I knew you'd react that way, Miss Brooks, but I just wouldn't have felt completely honest with myself if I didn't try to chisel a tip or two. Anyway, now that you've dumbied up about the test, maybe we... Excuse me, Walter, now that I've talked... Dummy duck. It's a synonym of clam duck. When I don't want anyone to know something about something I know about, I always clam up. And you're the chowder head who can do it. But, Walter, when I mentioned much earlier in the trip that this was an important day, I wasn't referring to the final exam. You weren't? No, I was thinking of Mrs. Finch. Oh, oh, the head of the English department. The ex-head of the English department, Walter. Mrs. Finch is leaving Madison. Why? Because she's... well, Mrs. Finch is going to become a mother. Of who? Now that's a fair question. Of your son or daughter, as the case may be. I didn't know Mrs. Finch had any son or daughter. Walter, you're not related to Mrs. Davis, are you? Oh, no. No, of course not. She's just absent-minded. Look, Walter, what concerns me at the moment is whether or not I have a chance to replace Mrs. Finch as head of the department. Well, you're a standout, Miss Brooks. You've been teaching at Madison long enough to be the principal. I mean, Mr. Conklin should certainly choose you over anybody else. How about Miss Enright? Oh, gee, I forgot about her. Now, she's even older than you are, isn't she? Oh, he has point of service, that is. Oh, I'm glad you tagged that on, Walter. Nobody could be older than me in years. Not this morning, anyway. Why don't you worry about it, Miss Brooks? So why don't you see Mr. Conklin when we get to school and have a little chat with him? You know, turn on the charm, sort of. You mean butter him up? Is butter him up? Yes, and don't sound so innocent, Walter. After the job you did on me this morning, you should get a prize from the Derryman's Association. Sorry, Eve Arden will continue in just a moment. But first, the innermost thoughts of the second Mrs. Burton are yours to share as you follow her life story each Monday through Friday over most of these same stations. And like all of the people you meet in CBS Radio's daytime dramas, the second Mrs. Burton is someone whose thoughts and feelings are worth knowing. Burdened by the shadows of her husband's first marriage and often in conflict with her strong-willed mother-in-law, the second Mrs. Burton meets each new problem that stands in the way of happiness with courage and with intelligence, too. Tomorrow and every Monday through Friday follow the engrossing story of the second Mrs. Burton. Remember, you'll meet her right here on CBS Radio where Wendy Warren, young Dr. Malone, our gal Sunday, backstage wife Nora Drake and Ma Perkins, along with the folks on the Road of Life, the romance of Helen Trent, and the right to happiness all add drama and excitement to your daytime listening. That's on CBS Radio, of course. How are we, Miss Brooke? Good old Madison High. You know, every time I look at these hallowed walls, I wish for just one thing. What's that, Walter? I wish I was still home in bed. Maybe today were those finals coming up. Gosh, Miss Brooke, isn't there some little suggestions you could make to me so I'd pass you exam? Certainly there is, Walter. Answer the question correctly. Yeah. Well, you better get off here, Miss Brooke, and I'll go park the car. All right, Walter, thanks for the lift. And good luck today. Well, thank you, Miss Brooke. And good luck with Mr. Constance. Well, probably needed. I hope he's in a good mood this morning. Although, why, this morning should be any better. Hello, Miss Brooke. Oh, it's Harriet Constance. Good morning, Harriet. I wouldn't have interrupted you soliloquy, but you look sort of worried about something. Worried? Me? Whatever gave you that idea? To your confection. It's not as ruddy as it usually is. Oh, that's just in the new powder base I'm using. It's called Elephant Wallow Gray. Absolutely, though, I do have something on what's left of my mind, Harriet. It's Mrs. Finch. She's leaving the school. Yes, I know. I heard she was going to have a B-A-B-Y. Who told you? Mr. Boynton. That figure. But Harriet, as you must know, you've always been one of my favorite pupils. I'm glad you feel that way, Miss Brooke. You're my very favorite teacher. Thanks. I'm very fond of your mother, too. I know. And she's terribly fond of you, Miss Brooke. I'm glad. Then there's your father. Yes, I know. Well, Harriet, do you think that... I'm not going to... Well, that is... What are you trying to ask me, Miss Brooke? Do you think he's warm enough for buttering this morning? At least you think I should have a little talk with him in his office. About what? Well, somebody's got to replace Mrs. Finch, his head of the English department, and I think... But of course you'll get it. Is that from the horse's mouth or just rumor? I mean, did you happen to overhear anything? Look, Harriet, I don't want anybody to intercede for me because of any personal relationship we may have built up between us. What I'm trying to say is, well, I wouldn't want any principal's daughter, not even a clever, bright, pretty, industrious, talented, intelligent one like yourself to become a sixth column for me. Darling, Miss Brooke, nothing I could say would sway Daddy one inch. In fact, mother and I bend over backwards rather than suggest anything about his duties at school. But I'm so sure you're our next head of the English department that I've even written a little poem about it. Care to hear it? Well, if you don't think it'll put the whammy on me. Uh, jinx anything. To the head of the English department about to be, I present this little tribute to you from me. You crash your good tempered and don't fume or fret, but when it comes to our homework, you sure make us perspire. And in the forthcoming exams, whether I'm first or last, my feelings for you will be the same, especially if I'm past. So Miss Brooke's all hail to thee, head of the English department about to be. Well, what do you think of it, Miss Brooke? It won't send Carl Sandberg screaming into the hills, Harry. It's a lovely Sanderman. Now, before I go into your father's lair, a den, an office, would you tell me what kind of a mood he's in? Frankly, Miss Brooke, it isn't too good. When the news boy that delivers our paper came around for the money this morning, daddy did his head off. Fine, then he should be too full to take a bite out of me. Come in. Hey, Mr. Conklin. Oh, it's you, Miss Brooke. And how are you this bright, cheery, radiant day? I'm cold, damp, and depressed. Now, what can I do for you that won't take longer than a few minutes? Oh, it isn't what you can do for me, Mr. Conklin. It's what can I do for you. Oh, I know, I'll sharpen some pencils for you. Here's one. Miss Brooke, I don't want you to sharpen anything. Oh, but this one is so blunty. It'll just take a minute. There. Isn't that a lovely point? But I do. Give me your thumb a minute. Ow! See what I mean? Now, I'll just do a few more of them and you'll have enough for the week. Confound it, Miss Brooke. I don't want any more of my pencil shots. Oh, it's really no trouble at all, Mr. Conklin. This is just one of those days when a person feels privileged to assist his fellow man. A day when a spirit of cooperation seems to beckon like a beacon. Or a day when Mrs. Finch is leaving Madison and her position as head of the English Department. Mrs. Finch leaving Madison? Yes. Yes, Miss Brooke. I think I told you that several days ago. Oh, yes, of course. I've been so busy preparing my final examination papers it must have slipped my mind. She's going to have a B-A-B-Y, isn't she? Why yes. I guess. She is going to have a baby. Well, I just know they'll be happy together. Now, let's see what else I can do to make this office a home away from home for you. I know. I'll just rinse out this pen wiper for you. Uh, that happens to be a blue pocket handkerchief I got for Christmas. I'm not the woman out of my coat. Oh, then I'll tuck it back in for you. May I say you have a lovely eye for color combinations, Mr. Conklin? It goes so well with this pretty purple tie you've got on. But it seems a little loose around your neck. Let me tighten it a bit. There. Uh, that's better. Now you're both the same color. Here, Miss Brooks, I don't know what you expect to get. Oh, I must clean off that desk of yours, Mr. Conklin. And why in the world does that big, open inkwell have to be perched right in the middle of everything? Because I like it that way. Now listen to me, young woman. I'll have things in shape in no time. First, we'll move these papers next to the inkwell, and then... Oh. Now where is the inkwell perched, Miss Brooks? Oh, don't worry about that, Mr. Conklin. Ink is good for the rug. It means that ashes. Well, anyway, I'll go get a mop and... Sit down, Miss Brooks. Sit down? Yes, yes. As you know, I spent considerable time in the army as a major. Yes, I know, Mr. Conklin. And it always gave me a great feeling of security to know that somebody like you... Quiet! Yes, sir. Sorry. At ease. Now then, Miss Brooks, from my army experience, it's obvious to me that you are bucking for something. Bucking, Mr. Conklin? It's a colloquialism, Miss Brooks. It means that in order to gain some end of your own, you are acting like an eager beaver. Want some pencil sharpening? No! It's too silly to choose, Mr. Conklin. I just wanted to butter you up. Now what? Come in! Good morning, Mr. Conklin. Well, well, it's Miss Enron. Oh, and Miss Brooks is here too. How nice! Darling, you look positively chic. I mean, just too, too terribly soigné. Thanks. Loads. But why are you doing in school so early, darling? You're usually telling into your room like a mad thing minutes after the bell is rung. You must have telescopic vision to see me from the bus. I'm not catching at that time. But what can I do for you, Miss Enron? Oh, it isn't what you can do for me, Mr. Conklin. It's what can I do for you. Oh, I know. I'll sharpen some pencils for you, Mr. Conklin. Thanks. Just the same, Miss Enron. Or maybe I should straighten out your desk. Oh, heavens, what happened to this inkwell? I already straightened out his desk. Well, don't worry about it, Mr. Conklin. I'm sure you can pick up another rug like that for five or six hundred dollars. Oh, before I forget, I'd like you to have these woolen socks. I knitted them myself. But, Miss Enron, I don't... It was a labor of love, Mr. Conklin. I worked on these socks just every available moment. I wasn't faithfully discharging my duties as an English teacher. They're nearly a slight expression of my gratitude for having been granted the privilege of working warm, kindly, and considerate boss as yourself. This kid melted before she spread the yarn. Well, thank you for the thought, Miss Enron, but with Mrs. Finch leaving Madison... Oh, is she really? Well, this is a big surprise. It must be. You look even more surprised than you did when we heard about it last Tuesday. That will do, Miss Brooks. Miss Enron, in view of the fact that you are eligible for the position that Mrs. Finch is relinquishing, I feel that I cannot accept this pair of socks. But, Mr. Conklin, whatever shall I do with them? You can give one to Mrs. Finch's baby. It'll make a nice sleeping bag for him. I think you should know, ladies, that my selection will be based largely upon the results your students achieve in their final exams this morning. Therefore, you will not mark your own papers, but bring them into this office immediately after the tests are completed. Are you going to mark them, Mr. Conklin? Certainly not, Miss Brooks. My daughter Harriet is one of the students taking the test. No, no, in order to assure complete impartiality, I've asked someone from another department to correct the papers. Mr. Boynton. Mr. Boynton? Oh, I know that you see each other socially on occasion, but he's the soul of honesty. And I know that he, like myself, would bend over backwards to see that justice is done. Who's teaching everybody to bend over backwards? Arthur Murray? Well, I don't think this arrangement is completely fair, Mr. Conklin. I never see Mr. Boynton. Well, if it'll make you feel any better, Miss Enright, I'm not going to see him again either, until lunch. If you'll just tell me what you want, Miss Brooks, I'll take your trade. Oh, I'm too nervous to eat anything right now, Mr. Boynton. I'll wait until I find out the result of this morning's exam, the one you're marking, Mr. Boynton. Oh. Well, that's something I'd rather not talk about, Miss Brooks. You see, I've promised Mr. Conklin... I know you've got to be strictly impartial, Mr. Boynton, but couldn't you give me just an inkling of how I'm making out? But I gave my word, Miss Brooks. Just a teensy suggestion of the merest trace of a breath of a hint. But I gave Mr. Conklin my scouts' honor. Oh. Well, and you might as well get yourself something to eat. Oh, very well, Miss Brooks. I hope you swallow a merit bed. Dear, Mr. Boynton. Hello, Miss Enright. May I hear this table with you? The cabin here is awfully crowded today. Why, I don't see why not, Miss Enright. I do. Oh. Hello, darling. Oh, Mr. Boynton, before I forget, I'd like you to have these woollen socks. I knitted them especially for you. I don't think I should, Miss Enright. You see, I'm still judging your examination papers, but, well, thanks just the same. Now, if you'll tell me what you'd like to eat. Well, let me see. Oh, I see they have turkey today. Would you get me a drumstick, Mr. Boynton? Why don't you get two drumsticks and put the socks on them? Miss Brooks, Miss Enright, I've summoned you to my office to tell you that Mr. Boynton has finished grading the examination papers and has reported to me that both of your classes have done equally well. Therefore, it will have to be my decision after all. And that decision is dear, Mr. Conklin? I have decided. Yes, dear, Mr. Conklin. I have decided that for the coming fiscal year, I shall save the Board of Education exactly $9.85 per month. There will be no head of the English department in this school. Why darling, what in the world are you doing? Just breaking some of the pencils I sharpened this morning. Brooks returns in just a moment, but first, is your interest in events of the day based on business affairs or are you someone who just enjoys the adventure of living? In either case, you have every reason to demand that news reports come to you quickly, accurately, and with no waste of words. That's another way of saying you have every reason to insist on hearing the news on CBS Radio. Throughout the day every day, our far-flung staff of correspondence bring the most remote corners of the world to your hearth by means of their up-to-the-minute reports on developments at home and abroad. Whenever significant events take place, you can count on CBS News to bring you first-hand and well-detailed descriptions of what is happening, often broadcast right from the scene of the event. You can count on CBS Newsman too to make certain that fact is emphasized. Whether you need to know what is happening in the world in order to know what to buy or sell or manufacture, or if you just want to be in on every exciting chapter in the story of your lifetime, let CBS News keep you as fully informed as an expert. And now, once again, here is our Miss Brooks. Well, I was a little depressed about not getting the job as head of the English department, but I perked up the following night when Mr. Boyden came by and took me to the movies. As we got to the theater, he stepped up to the box office. Two tickets, please. Here, Mr. Boyden, let me buy my own ticket. Oh, and Miss Brooks, I wouldn't think of it. Well, that's very nice. You can pay me for yours when we get inside. Thank you and good night, Diamond Jim Boynton. Will you adjust window shopping? Wish you could afford so many of the things you see but your neighbors buy? Well, chances are they have money to spend because they manage their money well. And that includes a sensible savings plan. One that encourages saving for the future without straining your budget today. And here's that kind of plan. The payroll savings plan. Buying United States savings bonds regularly where you work. With payroll savings, money is set aside for you before you get your paycheck. That way, you never count on it and never miss it. It's automatic saving. Before long, you have a stack of savings bonds, each one paying back $4 at maturity for every three put in. That means extra dollars for spending in the future. And when you know money set aside for the future, you can enjoy spending extra dollars today. So plan your spending, your saving wisely. Begin buying United States savings bonds on the easy automatic payroll savings plan now. Look, starring E. Martin is produced by Larry Burns. Written and directed by Al Lewis with music by Wilbur Hatch. Mr. Conklin was played by Gail Gordon. Others in tonight's cast were Jane Morgan, Dick Crenna, Gloria McMillan, and Mary Jane Croft. Be with us again next week at the same time for another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks. This is Roy Rowan speaking. America listens most to the CBS Radio Network.