 Before we get into the video today, I just want to give a quick shout out to one of our sponsors, Nostik TV. Nostik TV is ancient wisdom reimagined. This is a Netflix for those who are spiritually curious and want a place to go where there is no censorship. I personally am doing a whole series on Nostik TV called The Esoteric Explorer, where I am providing exclusive content to Nostik. Nostik TV is a host to all sorts of different content creators, many of whom are your old favorites. If you would like to check out Nostik TV, there is a link down in the description box below. Hello everybody, welcome back to Esoteric Atlanta. I am back here today with Doug Cramer from Dazed, but not confused. How are you doing today, Doug? Good, Bryce. Thanks for having me on again. Looking forward to this. Of course. We were just chatting off camera, you guys, and I thank you guys so much for all the positive feedback. I knew there was a reason why I wanted to get Doug on my channel. I know you've been such a refreshing voice of reason for a lot of people that I have on my channel, especially they really enjoyed all the hard work that you've done in your own research and deconstructing from your own experience. And sometimes I know those go hand in hand. But speaking of that, Doug, we were going to kind of talk about today kind of a hodgepodge of things, but starting with like controlled opposition. And I know there's a lot going on in the Scientology world this week and the trauma that comes from being in a high controlled situation and how that can play itself out. So just to kind of get started, Doug, I'm going to let you kind of kick this conversation off with what you want to say about any of this or where you want to go with this. Sure. We actually just covered it on the channel. We have a weekly Q&A on Sunday night, Bryce, where I knew that was going to come up. So we covered a lot of it in there, and maybe I could give you the video to link it in the description box if you feel like it. People really want the deep dive, but I don't want to hit your audience with a bunch of names in this community that they won't know. Right. But the gist of it to start out with and then we'll see where it goes is that... So we were in lockdown in... When did that start? 2020. March 2020, right? I think it was March 20th, 2020, something like that. And then a couple of months later, just because we were locked down, I just spontaneously started talking out. And the third video I did without knowing what the hell I'm doing using my shitty government phone, you know, trying to find a place to shoot where I kept ever since the dude poster in the background from the Big Lebowski. The third video I talked about was warning people about the controlled opposition. I'm sure your audience knows what that means, but if they don't, what it means is once you get out of Scientology, that's just step one. First, you have to deprogram from it. By the way, I'm sure this is obvious, but these are all my opinions as just a random ex-cult member trying to get out of this thing. I'm not a psychologist. It could be totally wrong. I'm not professionally trained or anything. I'm just sharing my opinions. But for me, and why it was video number three when I just started out, is there's many layers to get out of the cult mentally, not just physically. And then unbeknownst to me, which pisses me off even more than Scientology, because these are people that should know better and actually take advantage of people and retraumatize them. There's a whole controlled opposition in the ex-Scientology community, which I'm sure exists in all the ex-cult communities, whether it's ex-JWs, Mormons, or whatever. So it's not unique. But it took me years going through the different cast of characters that I trusted, not least the superheroes that come out of the cult to find out that they're basically full of shit. I mean, you know, if you want to get right down to it and on a more evil level, because some of them don't get Scientology out of their brain, they still use the training that they have to manipulate. They might use fair game tactics within the ex-cult community. They take what they learned often and short of decompression, they carry it over into the ex-Scientology community, where they can even hide more like a snake in the grass, because if you're out of the cult, you must be good and you couldn't possibly be still a Scientologist in your mind. So the third video was about, I called it the Goonies, and it's about these idiots, these mean people that Hornswogled you back into the cult. Often they still practice Scientology. They're called Indie Scientologists, and they might rope you into their own pay-as-you-go service on their own version of the bridge. So those are some of the layers that it takes, I think, to get out of a cult. And when you finally leave and whatever that involves, losing your family and just the physicality that your life has to change, you still have to get the assholes, you know, Elrond Hubbard shit out of your brain totally to not keep acting in the same devious way that might even be unbeknownst to you, because it's subconscious programming. So just to get that shit to come out to find out what your programming is, let alone surviving all the superstars in the ex-community, it's a fucking challenge, man. And so many people never get out of Scientology, not least because of getting caught up in seemingly good people that are actually there to control them as well, because they haven't healed, in my opinion. Yeah, we were talking off-camera, Doug, because I know you've mentioned a lot of your videos that you're kind of on the fringes, and I kind of feel that way I was telling you off-camera that myself, a few other people that I become really good friends with that we met on YouTube and been filming together for years now, kind of found ourselves in, like, the truth or community, which, in my opinion, is also a cult at this point. And I've spoken up a lot about, I started noticing controlled opposition within the truth or community as well, and I started speaking up about it because things weren't making sense. And it was like, how dare you question this person? How dare you question this theory? When in reality, it seems like even in my situation with the truthers, they were acting even more violent, even more brainwashed than the quote-unquote normies that they claim they don't want to be like. And I experienced a lot of blowback from challenging certain theories. And it's so funny, the fair game thing. I was telling you a little bit off-camera about my experience with one of these telegram cults. And I can link, again, guys, I'll link that. I did a live covering it. I'll put that down in the description box below as well so you guys can see if you want to see the whole story. But at the end of the day, I stopped filming or doing shows with these people because the guy had done some shady stuff. And because I did that, they created a total smear campaign on me. I mean, it almost cost me my life. My literal life was put into danger. And so these tactics, and I said, this is a lot like fair gaming from Scientology. It's complete lies made up to try to... Because I basically... And I wasn't even going to say anything about me leaving the show. I was just going to leave it. And I was forced to then say something because of the danger my life was put in. And thank God the police are working with me. I am working with a detective to hopefully get charges through on some criminal behavior that's happened. But this is very real, Doug. I mean, it doesn't just come from like these big quote-unquote cults we see out there, but it's coming from like... This stuff is everywhere, the controlled opposition in every community, isn't it? I mean, I haven't been in them, but I would imagine. I know it's not unique to Scientology. And if you had a XJW and you had an X Mormon on here, as an example, if they got... If they weren't part of the controlled opposition themselves, right, and they kind of walked the whole path out. To me, it's there's a path into the cult, and it depends on elements that are unique to the individual. Is your family in it? Did you get friends into it? Were you born into it? Did you get into it when you were later? So you have some life experience to fall back on, etc.? Right. But I bet you it exists not just in the X community. But in general, like if you want to put it on the world stage, Bryce, and what you're talking about, you've got the official narrative where it's, you know, take night scenes and no question. And then you've got Q on the other side of that, which is created by the very nefarious fucks, so that you'll fall into that if you... The best way to lead the opposition, of course, is to control it, right? The famous phrase. Absolutely. So you're going to create something like Q like Scientology to lead people in with seeming truths. And there is some truth in there to then lead them into a cul-de-sac and trap them. And that reminds me kind of of that video that you did, which was awesome about the Twin Flames universe where they, you know, like Scientology, they take some concept or basic kernel of truth that could be true. And then they... Because you don't like the alternative, you know, that's bad. And then it's like polarities, right? So before you know it, you're in another trap that might even be worse than just listening to officialdom. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, it's wild. And I'm actually, you know, I was telling you, Doug, off-camera, I had a lot of people requesting you do a review of the Twin Flame Colts, the docu-series that came out. I'd love to do that with you. Spoiler, we're going to bring them back on, guys. I can't wait for that one because I found that fascinating. And it's an easy scam to break down more complex things too. It's just such a sick scam. And it's such a good example because it is, as my boyfriend said, like it's an easy grift. Like everybody has been at this point where they've been heartbroken over a relationship and they want to find meaning. And that just shows you guys, all these people walk around and say, oh, I could never get in a cult. I could never get, yes, you can. Absolutely you can. You get to a vulnerable place in your life and you're trying to find meaning and you're trying to ease that pain. You can very easily get sucked into a cult. These were very, with most cases, I find a lot of, you know, it's what's shocking to me, Doug, is, well, not shocking, but interesting is with all of you guys who are ex-scientologists who didn't really have a traditional quote-unquote education because you were with Scientology, I find you guys to be some of the most intelligent the way you speak, the way you articulate, super, super intelligent. And that's the thing about cults guys is they don't want dumbasses. Cults don't want dumbasses. They want people that are going to make them look good. True. Highly intelligent people that are going to speak well and make them look good, right? And tyrants that will work up the ranks, you know, that they all, I think they need all kinds. And again, I'm no expert. I got hooked because I was a dreamer and like I told you, I popped out of the womb and said, officialdom can kiss my ass. I'm not going to work the nine to five or like my parents. The society, even as a kid, I was already outside of the box because I'm like, this is not for me, man. I'm going to die if I actually have to just live this ever-repeating life and do the same damn thing every day, which is what you look forward to when you grow up. I don't know. I was already a weird kid, but I didn't sort it. I thought I was bad and I'm just weird and a freak or whatever. But when I got older, I kind of leaned into that. But Bryce, can you bring me back to the question before I start rambling off of a track? We were just talking about controlled opposition and smart people getting pulled in to make the whole manipulation and all that kind of stuff. Yeah. I don't know. So I think it's many different types of people. It just depends. I was the dreamer, you know, so they were able to suck me in that way. And then also, it is, I have noticed that, you know, whether it's Aaron Smith Levin or Mike Rinder or anybody, they're pretty fucking sharp people. Yeah. Part of that, Bryce, I think, is because we look up every goddamn word in their mother. I mean, to pass these courses, even though they're brainwashing, they're not giving you real skills. They have a watered down version and fake, dangerous version of how to spot sociopaths. It's called the PTSD course. I won't hit. I won't. That stands for potential trouble source slash suppressive person. I'm not going to bother your audience with the nomenclature, but just to use that as an example, you're already set into a new reality just by learning what the hell those words said that I just mean. Right. You add that to a watered down version. In other words, the PTSD course is a watered down version of how to spot sociopaths in your life, but it's reframed in Scientology where those are also people that try to wake you up out of the spell, say anything negative about Hubbard or Scientology, etc. Right. So to pass these courses, though, they're really long. You have to stare at a wall of items and memorize them and do drills within an inch of your life where you can't get one thing wrong to repeat it back. Everything's checked out. You have to make sure that once you read X amount of bulletins, you get what's called a star rate checkout where somebody comes, grabs any random word and says, what's the definition of this? What it can be anything from the to some hard word. You have to know words within an inch of your life. When you get to the professional courses in the auditing, they're almost impossible to pass. You know, it's really challenging. So I think a carryover, even though I had to get this guy's shit out of my brain and I don't think you need a cult to become quote intelligent. There was a carryover and the C org members. Those are the people that signed billion metaphoric billion year contracts and work for the organization. They don't really do much of Scientology. They deliver it generally speaking, but even they are up all night. They're drill within an inch of their life. They have to be perfect. There is a carryover. Like we talked about before probably not totally dissimilar to the skills and bonding and that you might get in the military that does carry over. You know what I mean? I don't look up words, Bryce. You know, once in a while, I will that took a long time to get rid of. I don't. There's there's none of these obsessive shit that I had in Scientology. But because I was trained within an inch of my life to communicate properly, to look up words, etc. There is a left brain carryover of trying to of lining up things in my I definitely think differently because of the experience of Scientology, but not because of Scientology. If that makes you already have that ability within you Scientology. Yeah, I guess you can say it was brought out. Yeah, that's a great way to have the intelligence level to do that. It was just you were forced to pull it out of you and your DNA and your brain from, you know, to be, you know, that's a good way of looking at it. You know what's interesting, Doug? In the spiritual world, you know, a lot of people and I say this a lot because there's a lot of like quacks out there on YouTube that are leading people down a really dark and dangerous road with spirituality too. And one thing that you're as you were telling that story about being stuck in these courses for like hours on in, it brought me back to like the teachings of meditation and something that's really important for people to understand is kind of the same thing. Like for seated meditation, you should not be doing it longer than 10 to 15 minutes. That's it. Any longer, you go into like a psychosis, you go into, you go into this different reality that really fucks with your brain. And that's what I think was happening, Doug, with the Scientology courses is they were kind of associating you on purpose because staring at a wall or doing, that can be a form of meditation. Like Japa, like Japa meditation is like, you know, Om Navashivaya, Om Navashivaya with the with the Malabit should only be done for like 10 minutes. And then that's it, you know, and any teacher in India will say, no more do not do that. It's too dangerous to do 10 minutes. That's it. And then you go back to your life, then you go back to making your kids dinner and cleaning and doing your job and you go back to after, you know, that's it's just a reset. It's not, you're not supposed to. And I know my boyfriend wrote an article many years ago. I'll have to see if I can find it. That went very viral because he he's 11 years older than me. And right when I met him, he had just gone through a divorce and he was a heavy meditator. He lived in India, study with Shree Mayatwari, Shree K. Patavi. He's like all these big teachers. And so he got into this habit for like meditating for like two hours a day where he would sit for like two hours a day and he realized when he was going through his divorce because his ex-wife was a narcissist that the meditating for all that time enabled him to not take the action he needed to protect himself. It was an escape for him. And that is not the point of spirituality. The spirit spirituality is not an escapism. It's supposed to be a tool to help you deal with the here and the now. And if he had not been escaping to his seat, he probably would have dealt with the issues that he could disassociate better from the stress of his life. And again, that is not. And so I think that's also what happens to with these cults like Scientology. They put you in a place where you almost in an abstract way kind of disassociate from reality. So it keeps you in a place of abuse and manipulation, whatever, for a lot longer than you would stay in if you were only doing this for like an hour a day or like once a week. Does that make sense? Yeah. And also, I think one of the parts of a destructive cult would be how all-encompassing it is because some people that just have read of Dianetics or that's a complete piece of shit, but maybe that's not a good example. But I do run across people that have just done a little bit of Scientology or they never got immersed in the church and they just read books here and there. That's not necessarily going to fuck them up, you know. But Scientology is an all-encompassing commitment. I mean, you have to sign a billion-year contract if you're on the in the Sea Org. And then as a public, I was doing it every day. If I wasn't on course at Celebrity Center here in Los Angeles, I was listening to the gibberish of Elron Hubbard and audio cassettes. I was eating this shit up. And just like we were talking about earlier, right, Bryce? Like, the Twin Flames universe starts out with just watching a fucking video on YouTube. And the next thing you know, you're changing your gender while you're living at their house and your whole reality slipped upside down. But that doesn't happen overnight. It happens through... And part of that is dissociation processes like the mirror exercise does, right? But there's other elements where you're brought in slowly. And then also, you have the sunk cost fallacy by the time that you're living at, you know, Jeff and Shalia's house, right? You have no money. You're locked in. You are a coach now. Where's your income going to come from now? That's what Scientology and all these cults do. But, you know, you don't get locked in in one day. It's a long process where by the time I went from telling my parents to go fuck themselves for 10 years, I ain't taken to this shit. It's evil. I don't need to know anything about it. But like I told you, Bryce, in the last interview, they would get me to open up because I was the black sheet of the black sheet, black sheet of the family, getting in trouble all the time because I was subconsciously angry and trapped by these freaks, man. That's why I... That's part of why I ran into Scientology. They became my better second family. And my parents encouraged it to say the least. So they would sit me down. I'd have a problem with the girlfriend or whatever, right? Nothing too big. It's normal stuff. Yeah. And very trustingly, because they're just trying to help me. They're just brainwashed, you know? They're just trying to legitimately help me. They would get me to offload and be very trusting and just listen. And then they would say, do you want to be punished for a week or do you want to go to Scientology? So after I told them, you know, to go eff themselves for a long time, I finally... The path of least resistance is to just go take the chorus and resist the gibberish or whatever. But they had sensible concepts like any coal. They just don't feed you a bunch of horseshit. It has to be something that makes sense. Like one of the first things, Bryce, was look up every word. If you go past the word, you don't understand. It says this right at the beginning of every chorus, that everything that you read after that will become blank in your mind. Now, that's not true. That's not true. But it almost makes sense. I mean, I was a kid, so I felt like I was getting more intelligence by breaking out these dictionaries. In other words, it was innocuous enough where I couldn't see the trap being built by that. It drives you crazy when you have to look up every word. Then when you don't understand that, every definition of every word, Bryce, the derivation. And then you get coached to make sure that when you get checked out on like we were talking about, they'll have you spit back all the definitions. I mean, I thought I was becoming a brainiac while I was becoming brainwashed. But it's slow. And then by the time that you're in it for a long time, you have everything invested. So you have the sunk cost fallacy where subconsciously you're saying to yourself, because I couldn't see the trap even though I was invested. But you have so much invested by the time I got up to the confidential levels. Now, if Ron Hubbard could have said anything at that point as to the cosmology and creation myth, because that's where you learned it, you know, hundreds of thousands of dollars, two decades, you know, to finally get to these levels. I told them every goddamn secret I ever knew and then probably made some up. So they have a file on me if I ever speak out about these confidential levels. It didn't matter what he said. I was so invested familiarly, step-by-step brainwashing and I've been in for 20 years that there's no way I'm not going to leave because something doesn't seem right. You know what I mean? It's interesting when you're talking about like looking every word up because I growing up I always had really high reading comprehension skills and that's why I think I'm good at researching because I love to read. Me too. And I think that, you know, that when you're reading as a kid, you learn how to read and you go from the picture books with the ones and it's learning the words and you go to the little chapter books and you slowly enhance your ability to read. You start to learn that when you come across a word you don't know, you subconsciously do your critical thinking skills because you figure out the meaning of the word by the context of the content of the story or the subject. And that is a critical thinking skill. So most of the time when you come across a word you don't know, you're going to figure out what it means anyway without even realizing about what it meant because you've read the freaking story. You don't need... And so that's now of course if you're reading something and you really are baffled by a word every once in a while, you can look at it. Yeah. If you're really baffled by it. I've never seen this word before. Like, what is this? You know? Yeah. But most of the time, I mean, I read constantly. I'm not constantly reading. My favorite thing to do at night to decompress is I take a hot epsom salt bath and I read a murder mystery book, like a fiction book. I love my... That's so funny. Yes. I can relate though. It's a documentary on twin flames like we're talking about or a murder mystery or something on IWU, which is this great true crime documentary shit. Oh, I'll have to... Well, see the funny thing is is my boyfriend for years like didn't have a TV and didn't have... He was very... Me neither. Well, and now that he got me and he's like discovered date line and like... Yeah. There's some... That's funny. There's some good shit on there, man. And what... Can I ask you a question, Bryce? What do you think? Do you think there's a crossover between cults and true crime? Because, you know, you have on one hand the fanatics that are into it, you know, while making makeup and shit, which kind of... I don't know. It shouldn't probably be something to parasocialy live through. These are real crimes. People dying and shit. Yeah. I don't feel like I'm obsessed in that. I like watching a good horror movie. But what do you think about the crossover between... Like I'm always wondering why I am into it and maybe something's wrong with me. No. Because I find it fascinating. I do too. And I like the same stuff like watching stuff on cults. I like watching... I think what it is, Doug, guys, I think it's an interest in human psychology. Yeah. I think it's like as a human being, especially human being who has the ability to practice self-awareness in observation of the self. I think you're always questioning limitations. And like, I know when I was in college, I remember studying this concept of psychology where every single human being on this planet is capable of murder, but not in the same context. So like for me, I could... I could never... I would never want to be put in that position. I could never think about hurting another human being. Oh, wow. But if somebody was attacking my nephew or nieces, absolutely I would do what I needed to do to protect them. So it's a crime of passion. It's a crime. So people will act in ways of like self-defense. But for me as a human being, I really... I'm not the type of person that would ever plot out a murder, right? Like I'm not the type of person that would ever... And that's what's so fascinating. We watch these true crimes and my boyfriend would say all the time, why don't they just get divorced? Like why don't... Like this is so hard to see. It would be so much simpler. Yeah. Her life insurance wasn't that much. Like why... Like this is so crazy. Like why... And I guess it's that. I guess it's why people love HGTutor, like watching his stuff because it's fascinating because it's peeking through the veil through the window of a mindset that's not natural to you. Right? Exactly. That's why I'm fascinated because I want to know how the hell... Not knowing how Hubbard's mind worked and people like HGTutor, that's what got me into all this trouble. So I don't approve of it, but God damn it, I think it's important to know because I don't want to be captured by these freaks again. Right. You know, it terrified the shit out of me. Once is enough. So now I'm fascinated. That's not even the right word. I'm fascinated... I was going to say I'm fascinated by the dark side. I'm fascinated by the psychology for protection and because I got in that world. It is fucking fascinating because I can't even begin to think like HG and a conscious person thinks, but God damn it, they're out there. A lot of them run our world. I need to know and get inside their mind for many reasons and maybe a part of it's just... They are entertaining. I hate to say that, but it's so foreign to most people that there probably is a natural fascination there that... Well, it's just this like... I've said so many times like the controllers of the world like I can hardly control my dog on a leash. Yeah. And they want to control the world. I don't care what my neighbor is doing. Like as long as I'm literally... I'm literally in my life. I'm a very live and let live person. Like as long as you're not hurting anybody, if you want to run around your backyard, naked, worshipping fairies, sounds like fun. You know, like as long as you're not hurting people, I don't care what you're doing. I really don't care. You know, so when I think about people who try so much to use other people, but then it's like Doug, it's like whenever you get out of a narcissistically abusive relationship, people all of a sudden become fascinated by narcissists because they're trying to understand what happened to them. Like what happened to them? And that's the same thing that happened to me after my years and then realizing for me, like I believe that I grew up in what's called a narcissistic system. And that's a new concept to me at this point. And I grew up in a very affluent society. I went to a very elite private school on the top 10 private boarding schools in the nation. There was a lot of abuse going on there. I feel like I have a lot of trauma at 40 years old still. I have nightmares about about that school, even though I've already been through college and been through school in India. I still have repeated nightmares about that place. I feel like the town that I grew up in was a very wealthy town. I think there was a narcissistic system there as well. I grew up with pressure. The brices, my first name is my mom's maiden name and in South Carolina, the brices are really big family. The Williams Brice Stadium at the University of South Carolina. That's my family. My grandmother's first cousin was Strom Thurman, a senator. There was a lot of pressure and a lot of... And even saying this, Doug, like I look back at my... I do a lot of reflecting on my child. I think we all do. I think all of us that go through trauma reflect on our childhood a lot to try to figure out what happened. And I always... It's like a true crime scene in itself, right? Exactly. Go back to this. Like, where did things go wrong? Exactly. Totally. Lip. It was actually HD that really made me realize that in my household growing up, there was dysregulation. And I was also... I was the scapegoat child. My sister was the golden child. I think I was a lot like you, Doug. I remember being in middle school and I have this vivid memory of my mother picking me up and getting in the back seat and having this vivid visceral, you know, in the society that I grew up in, women go to college and get a college degree, but they don't work. It's so that they can have intelligent conversation with their husband's business partners, right? That's kind of the society, right? So I remember sitting in the car with my backpack and like looking at my mom and having this like, what do you do all day? Like this thought in my head like, what does my mom do all day? And just I didn't want... I didn't want that life. I remember just having this like almost depression. Like, I don't want this. I don't want this life. Like, I don't want... Yeah, it's the same as you, Doug, like that way. I don't want to do the same thing every single day, right? I don't want to do this. And so I think it's in that I look, I always say I have a lot of empathy for the boys that I grew up with, you know, my childhood guy friends because, you know, even though my memories of them are them with Ninja Turtles shoes on and light up sneakers and, you know, the innocence. But I think about the pressure that they had as being men, growing into men in this society where they had the pressure of supporting a family. You know, it's... So it's everywhere, these systems and when you're not comfortable with that, you do feel like you're... And you're the empathetic one as well. You do feel like you feel that dysregulation. You do feel like everything's your fault. You do feel like you're wrong and there's a lot of healing that has to come from that in of itself that you're not wrong. You're not a bad person. You're just not... That's just not your Dharma. That's not your path in life. Yeah. And so it's... Anyway, it's... I think that with understanding the way these things work from a more analytical perspective, like being able to observe it, you start to understand that there's nothing wrong with you, that you just fell victim to something that wasn't natural to you, right? And so it was your... And that was your way of surviving. You told this story that was... I loved it, Doug. I think you told it with H.G. Tudor in the episode you did with him about how when you really got sucked in, you had been living with this guy and you'd smoked some pot. And so, and H.G. Tudor really summed up in a very simple but a-ha way as to why you succumbed to Scientology at the point. Do you want to read... Because it was so like, oh my God, that makes so much sense when he said it, you know? Well, he's brilliant when it comes to breaking that shit down. I mean, some of the things I've told him, we did a whole four-part series on I Explained Scientology and he breaks it down. I don't remember exactly what he said about that part, Bryce, but I know what you're talking about. And I wish I could remember. It's on one of the interviews. You got kicked out of this guy's house because you smoked pot, which, I mean, at this point, it's like that's laughable. And you didn't want to let your parents down or something so you like... It was like a survival mechanism for you because you didn't want to let somebody down, right? Exactly what he said in the nutshell. And it had to do with, one, the reefer madness societal indoctrination about how bad weed was when you're growing up, you're going to kill your brain cells and you're going to throw yourself out the window. And then there was the Scientology indoctrination, which is extreme antipot and drugs in general. And then there was my parents' own thing where I don't even think they've done anything outside the system ever. So I just thought it was evil. And then I started smoking it when I got in a band around 19 or 20 when I was at a high school in a transitional phase when a lot of people can fall into cults. And I was living in an apartment in Ventura, California. I moved out and I was living with this old guy. He was like a massive chain smoker and he said, you can smoke in here, but don't smoke weed or bring any drugs. I was like, yeah, no problem. So I got caught a few months into that and I had a decision to make where am I gonna, I could lie to my parents. It'd be easy. I've done it a million times, but something told me I need to get right with my parents. I need to, as they say in Scientology, get my ethics in. And I had been down there enough where some of these ideas were taking hold about, you need to be a straight shooter. You need to be honest and shit. So it was wanting to get my parents' love, man. It was wanting to finally do, so you have an opportunity to finally do the right thing. So of course, it seems like the right thing. You know, by this point, I did start to believe in the Scientology. I'm not deep in their space opera shit. I'm just getting the ethics handlings and the, it really did start to make sense the more I went down there. Right. And so I just felt like that was the time and also subconsciously, I'm only looking back at it now. It was definitely to bomb with my parents and to get them to like me. And also I believed it was, it had the answers. I mean, I'm at least going to get honest because you can't lie. Now, mind you, the cult leader always lies, but you don't know that until you get out. So I was, I felt like it would really discipline me and get my shit together. And it did for a while because it got me off drugs. I replaced the high of weed with their hypnosis high. So I really felt like I could get high without getting high. I was like, wow, these, I'm going to take to this auditing because according to my parents and Elron Hubbard, I mean, I feel like I'm stoned, but they're saying I'm getting new revelations. I'm going spiritually free. I could definitely get addicted and get into this. Of course, they have electricity running for your body while you're holding the emeter, which adds to the endorphins. I mean, there's a whole thing about why you get high and dissociate and stuff and it feels good. So that was easy to replace. I could have skipped all this if I knew even a little bit about cults and the shit I know now, just the bite model and stuff. But I didn't know anything about this, you know? So it just seemed like it completely natural. I'm a fuck up. I'm going to not lie to my parents. I was really proud of me. They were in New Mexico at the time when I called them and told them this. I'm going to become a Scientologist. I got busted for pot. Here's what's going down. And they, we bonded like never before. They were absolutely blown away and it was all lights out after that. Isn't this this thing though? I think we're always looking we're all and that's one thing I was telling you off camera like one thing. My trauma therapist kind of a revelation to me is we are always all still that little boy and that little girl that are looking for love from the two people that are supposed to love us unconditionally. And that's one thing HG Tudor had said that kind of reiterated what my therapist has said when he talked about regulated parents and dysregulated parents and that explains why there's lots of kids who grow up with very wealthy parents and very privileged societies that are messed up because their parents weren't regulated. But you can have kids that come from really poverty stricken areas but they had regulated parents and so they're strong healthy adults because they had that nurture and that security as a child. And when you don't have a dysregulated home life as a child, you are constantly on shaky grounds. You are constantly, I mean the first time I started having night terrors which for you to know what that is it's like sleepwalking but in a nightmare where you can get out of the bed and run. And so I started that started from you when I was 14 years old. I was in the eighth grade. I started having night terrors and I remember it. My mother would like like get me out of the garage like and you know and of course for the 80s and 90s babies that are watching therapy wasn't a big thing back then. And you don't you didn't go to therapy, right? And you know, my parents probably should have figured out what was going on. But but I'll just be very vulnerable open and vulnerable since you know I when I was in high school I had two situations with a doctor. Once there's a name for this and forgive me guys I can't remember what the medical name for it is but it's for girls when your uterus falls out. That happened to me when I was in high school and I was running across country and they had to go and push it back in and usually it's a sign extreme sexual assault for children. And I have no like I don't have I don't have a lot of memories of high school. I have I another incident with a pediatrician where she believed that I was experiencing sexual assault and my mother was in the room with me and my mother completely shut it down and wouldn't talk about it. But I was physically showing signs of that and I will tell you guys like in high school I I when I moved back to Atlanta from LA I met up with an old high school friend that a guy I used to be really good friends with and we were getting a drink and he was like you know that trip we took in high school and I was like No, you're wrong. I wasn't I don't have any memory of this. I swear you're thinking of the wrong person well the next weekend we met up again and he had gone and found a box of pictures you know back in the day kids who were watching we didn't have cell phones you had to actually take a picture and get it and get it developed and there I was on this trip and I have no memory like no whatsoever and so and that was in my 20s so I started to realize at that point that there was something that had gone on some abuse that had gone on my child that was beyond I still to this day have night terrors I have to my boyfriend is aware of it so he's had to put me back in bed before when I and when I'm by myself I have to lock my bedroom door at night so I don't leave the house and that is a sign of CPTSD which is complex post-traumatic stress disorder and I've EMDR really helped me a lot but this stuff guys and I still don't have any like clear memories of of the details of what happened to me but the thing is too Doug like when you think about that with trauma when there's so much underlying abuse that's happening and your parents like I've had to come to accept as an adult that I was not protected and one of the and I know my mother's watching that's probably going to crush her to hear that and I do understand that for like my mother it was traumatic for her too and all she needed to do if she just shut down and ignored it then it would go you know she was doing the best she could too but one of the hardest traumas for someone to process is betrayal betrayal trauma and one of the worst types of betrayal trauma is with your parents that is worse than any girlfriend boyfriend sibling is your parents and what it sounds like I'm not trying to like put words in your mouth Doug or anything but it sounds like with the Scientology it was like your parents well and they did right they portrayed you for this for Scientology and that's hard to process that is a really hard thing to process as a child because no matter 40, 50, 60 you're still that little boy and those are still your parents right and I had to go through all those little boy traumas and I did do so much work Bryce that I had to kill him off of my head a long time ago and I have to accept that I have to get away from these people because it is a trip that and I think that they really do love me and they really were trying to help me but they have their own trauma and my mom was manipulative I hate to I always hate saying that because we're communicating finally for the first time and God knows how many years and she's changed because now mind you I always know who she is but she's getting older and I just want to spend some time with her and there's an opportunity to do so so it is different that's my mom ma'am and I know she loves me it's really it's strange but I mean it was so like you said those are the people that you most trust so they violated that and could never admit that or even consciously come to terms with that and it's really not their fault in many ways sounds like I'm protecting my parents but they were brainwashed man and they my dad escaped the Scientology because he couldn't communicate very well and my mom had her own trauma that caused her to need to control so when you don't know anything about narcissism narcissism system narcissistic systems like you're talking about and you have no information except schooling and the gibberish that Hubbard was putting into me via my parents I didn't have any reference for what I was experiencing so I knew I was bad I knew I was different and I knew I was the fuck up and so I would also play that out more because that's I know who I am so when I got out of all this shit and started to understand not least with HG's work and another sub other people on narcissism before I ran across that guy shit his he just happened to pound home and really hammer home some ideas it to the point doesn't he he just goes yeah yeah yeah plus he's funny and shit and it's just ridiculous he's so funny but I mean it did it did really penetrate after studying a lot of books I already got the gist of it but one of the things he said was once you know you go and then I also asked him about how do you get rid of how do you break this tie with your parents it's impossible I mean you have to do like lifetimes of healing to really separate that and he said one thing where you know it's not your mom stop calling him your mom or your dad these are the qualifications of a mom they do this they you know a parents will do this that it's in it and then he just listed it out he uses logic because he doesn't have a lot of emotions yeah except for hatred jealousy etc he can his logic brain is kind of an overdrive so what he tells people like me and you and empaths right people that can feel or whatever which is the majority of people it's our emotional thinking right if it gets us to go back to justify the abuser on and on but since he has very little of the emotions and looks thinks we're idiots for having him he can just think everything through logically so he doesn't get pulled into the emotions like me and you and empaths and even normals would so there is something about having to do tremendous healing all on my own without any of my parents help without forcing them and knowing that they can't come to terms with that because of their own shit and they're old and shit so they did cause me to have to get away from the very people that I trust the most which is a super trauma but because they delivered that experience they definitely took me within myself and on a journey that would not have happened if I had a normal upbringing that's why I'm half jealous of people that have normal upbringings and hang out with their family on the holidays and Thanksgiving and shit while I'm alone and I'm both grateful because it took me on a journey that made me a deeper person and made me have to learn a lot of shit that I wouldn't have otherwise and I would rather be that than be do you know what I'm saying Bryce? That's a weird part about it like I don't envy my normal friends but on one level I absolutely do but I wouldn't trade it because there was something about having to work myself out of a kind of an impossible situation I mean this is it felt like there's no way out of this this is gonna emotionally get me but it didn't and it made me stronger and if I didn't have that challenge I wouldn't be who I am today so I accept it and I can't take it back anyway so it made me who I am I'm not a Scientologist anymore but since that was a part of my experience I did get something out of having to survive it and my parents I wouldn't be talking to HG Tudor wouldn't have a YouTube channel any of this stuff I wouldn't have met you and all these amazing people that I've met so it has it's helping so many people you're you know you're and that's the choice we have when you're saying that I resonate so much with that Doug because I think about that too like I don't have I don't have a relationship with my father and well I had to make that decision because it's not it was never a healthy relationship and for a girl I was always envious of women who had like a daddy you know when my age were 40 who still refer to their dad as daddy you know and I was always jealous of that relationship but and I know through the I went through my all of my 20s being in highly abusive relationships to the point where I almost lost my life one night and that pushed me into trauma therapy which I think I was telling you off camera which we were talking about the mirror exercise like no because a real healer won't even bring that up they'll take you back to that little girl and sort through the first it was the mental abuse of not validating you know my dad would do stuff like I never felt like I was a part of his family like his I felt like my sister and I were like guessed with his but his parents were amazing I loved my grandparents so much but he was very like dismissive anyway but after I went through the trauma therapy and I realized all of my my habits of dating narcissistic men was my trauma from my child my childhood with my dad trying to heal itself trying to replay it out to heal itself so I was looking for the same type of person in order to heal whatever it is that I felt like I broke as a child once I realized that the problem was never me I was once I fully like realize that I started to attract healthier men and I've been very good healthy strong relationship and it's because I didn't I don't need that anymore because I healed that and I can now look at my my boyfriend now and say like if we were to have a child a daughter especially I know she would have a great father and that's the best gift I could give a child to have what I didn't have to have a dad that would like be totally invested in her life and totally loving to her and supportive of her whenever she wanted to do and I see that with my sister my sister's husband's amazing like my my two nieces my oldest niece who's like nine now she um no no she's ten now she ten now anyway she's getting old I mean I'm getting older um she will tell her they get old fast my sister's kids I'm like when the baby is older I guess yeah yeah it's true my niece Jacqueline she tells her dad the boys that she has a crush on in school like she gets in the car and like tells her dad all these what an incredible tell my dad that like what an incredible relationship my my brother-in-law Stephen has has created with his daughters that they feel comfortable like telling their dad who she has a crush on that she feels safe with him I never felt safe with my dad I never felt that level of security with my father and um and that's and I don't know where that came from with him that's his trauma to work through because I thought my grandparents were pretty amazing you know and so when you start to I think too the thing is Doug someone said this once a long time ago and it really when you're young when you're really little and everybody watching will probably kind of resonate with this you see your parents when you're like a small child your parents can do no wrong like your parents are like they are your providers they're the superheroes what mom says is true you know and then as you grow up you start to realize that you maybe don't think quite the way they do and then you start to realize that they're just human beings yeah and they they're just like us and they stop and I mean my mom and dad were like 26 when I was born and I know that was in those days but to me that's so young to 26 like that's so young to have a child that you're responsible for and you just like 20 what is it 25 is when your brain fully stops developing like you just became an adult yourself and now you've got a baby that you have to keep alive and like support and you know take to the pediatrician and like I mean and infants are not easy so to be 26 and to have a baby that's crying all night and I mean maybe some parents do have a slight grudge against their kids and may be understandable so I mean that's probably why I didn't have kids Bryce I could barely take care of myself and I don't want to fuck up my kids if I had him and pass their shit plus that's why I get my parents off the hook I mean they provided me we never starved or anything like that's such a hard job that and there's no manual so you know bless any parents and your parents are probably trying to do the best they could but yeah they go out of the realm of being a godlike figure when you're young and then you realize they have their flaws too and the biggest thing for me what did they say the sins of the father passed the son or some shit like that the thing for me was I didn't want to have kids mostly because until I heal myself I'm going to pass my subconscious blind spots on to them and I don't want to do that like my parents did and it wasn't really totally their fault but if you have that's the thing my parents give me gave me certain wounds which without them would I would have had a totally different life but in order to heal those wounds they weren't really mine but because I didn't go join Scientology I didn't you know my parents are trying the best that they can but they completely crushed my true self they wanted me to go get a normie job I was different than my parents man and I think they knew that and all I needed to do I already knew what I wanted to do out of the womb I knew I wanted to be an actor as a kid and I would bug them all the time and it was it was being suppressed and having I knew it but my parents because they're so normal they just insist you get a job you do something stable son you don't want to take any chances or whatever and my true self was just absolutely screaming out and because them not simply recognizing that and letting me be myself more they would to some degree I then have to carry wounds that weren't really my fault and that causes a the only way out of that I found out is to I don't know maybe you level up a little bit because my I didn't do anything but because I had to heal that shit it definitely took me deeper into myself it made me a better artist which is what I was trying to do anyways you have some pool of emotions to drag from but it was never like you said our fault and by the way I mean that my parents are get it off the hook because I never had the balls to actually have a kid because it seems impossible and like I'd probably fuck them up too why haven't you know I go through this off and on because I always wanted to have a child but my life has just I mean and you're right without all the stuff I experienced in and not wanting well first of all not wanting the life that that they all let lead but then experiencing the trauma which makes you do you start to question yourself you start to go in like I mean I think most people watching I think we've all gone through depression anxiety where you're questioning the meaning of life and all these things and that's what led me to traveling the world I mean about 40 I've been around the world multiple times lived in multiple countries studying at one of the most intense schools in India and that was all because I wanted to know why we're here what is the point of suffering what is the point of pain and one of the beauty and what you're saying Doug is so beautiful because that is basically what a lot of the old text say at my teacher my original teacher here in the United States who was the teacher that got me into the school in India he would tell the story where he would be in conference with Guruji and be like you and by the way guys if someone calls themself Guru or Guruji don't go to them it should be a name that the students give the teacher that's another red flag for a cult you should be a pet name that the students give the teacher that the teacher doesn't give himself all right so he would say Guruji he's a David would say I asked I asked Guruji wants in conference what is this pain is this our is the suffering necessary is the pain necessary and he said Guruji looked at me goes yes because pain is real pain is real and when my teacher I'm fucking emotional when he said that when David said that in conference before I started going to India that hit to home with me because when you're in that point of suffering of being in that womb of being in that pain it's real and there's nothing that can take you really that's a really pinpointed focus of emotion there's no way to hide that and and for people it puts you in a vulnerable vulnerable position so that's when you can get sucked into a cult but if you see it from a place of growth it's the best place to be it's the friction I tell you know it's like I use the analogy of a match if you take a match and you just hold the match by itself it has everything in it that it needs to light to create that light but it can't do it unless it's struck against the match book it has to be struck against the match book and that striking is not is not pleasant you know and so if you and that but that's the choice you have that's the free will choice you have you can take the pain and you can project it on to others or you can live in it or you can pass it on or you can take it and look at it and explore it and discover more about yourself and and find a deeper purpose and find the comp and that's why you know a lot of times that that people that some of the most compassionate and wise people that I know in my life are people who have been through the most trauma they come to this place of and survived it on the other side because you have to get through it too that's the trick too because how many great people have we lost that it broke them but they were brilliant people you know that had big hearts and they and that they don't there's no there's not coming from place of judge with you like that listen they don't come up from a place of judgment anymore because you know over by the grace of God go I have been there too I understand this is a terrible place to be I get it you know and they're great shoulder to lean on and you know as we're saying in a twin flame cult video when the biggest things guys is like there's nothing outside of you that's going to alleviate that yes there there's no Scientology no auditing no yoga no trust those are just tools the all these are tools but you have to do the work you have to be the ones to face it and to grow from it and create that that it's like what's that Japanese art where they like break a vase and then they glue it back with gold to make it more beautiful I've never heard of that but that sounds cool what's like the more your heart breaks the more the light can shine through right it's it's like taking that and you're right that's why people you know it's just saying that Hollywood is so corrupt and like because I think performance art is one of the most important things that there is in the world because it's connecting you it's human you know you could be someone living in the poverty of Africa or someone living in Alaska and these totally different environments but we all understand betrayal we all understand love we all these are all common things that make us have that's why I think the Scientology community is so popular because even though a lot of people never went through Scientology a lot of people do understand what it's like to have your heart broken and to be betrayed and to be in CPTSD and it's that human connection okay I'm not alone like I'm not I'm not a weirdo that's you know this is it's okay if these people other people can go through it so can I like it gives me all that confidence right to continue yeah yeah or you know yeah and also I don't know if it's Carl young or someone else but the wounded healer right there's something about I don't know if it's always like this but this is why I totally accept my journey and I'm not it's weird it definitely changed me because I'm not sad I mean I have I guess moments here and there but it's pretty weird everything's just fine actually you know and just the I don't know man I went through so much shit that the everyday problems they don't really exist and then when they do I don't know it definitely just removed a lot of shit which is a paradox because I thought I was going to die it sucked there why why God why is there so much suffering why am I what did I do just every day for years right but on the other side of that it changed me where you can't I don't think you have to it's all about suffering and that you have to suffer for the rest of your life but there is something about and like I said I don't know if it was Carl young or someone else that covers these archetypes where there you know it's nothing when I started to learn some of this stuff I realized well maybe I could lean into this wound maybe this happened for a reason maybe you know well it's giving me the juice for art and acting that's what I wanted that's what I'm doing anyways in other words it makes sense and I don't understand it but like you said without the friction you I wouldn't even know what the hell I was made of unless I got trapped in a cult and got out I don't even know since it's the only life I lived I don't know what it'd be like without it but I hate Scientology but God damn it I'm grateful for the experience because I'm on the other side of it and there I therefore I would never take it back to just grow up normally because I didn't like that shit anyways but then I well and want to do a cult which is 10 times worse and if I hadn't but I got something out of it in a weird way and like I said it was when I understood that when you if you feel like you're the only one going through the experience right Bryce but then you have a community of people and then you study other authors and philosophers and you realize everybody's been through every experience so I learned through these authors you know like Philip K Dick like I said everything from Carl Young the Philip K Dick to every book that you've probably read Bryce and anybody else does it tries to wake up and it's like one of the things that I learned is that that primal wound actually it could set you free and you can it could be a great gift if you frame it right rather than woe is me perhaps there's something to learn and get out of this I don't understand it but I definitely think I can't imagine my life without what I experienced well that's the free will choice it's like you're and in the Eastern philosophy they say we have three different karmas we're working with in car all karma is guys it just calls an effect that's all it is I think people make a bigger deal out of it than cause an effect if you're an asshole it'll blow back on you if you lie it'll blow back on you like I love that wipe by the way Bryce because you don't even have to be spiritual or join a religion or cold or anything it takes care of itself just by the way life set up action and reaction that's all it is and but one of the three carmas we we have is inherited karma so what that means is sometimes and I was trying to explain this to a friend once like if you if you go down because you know I know Scientology talks about reincarnation but I think they get reincarnation completely wrong because when we look at you know the soul and the body are two different things but there is kind of a roadmap in the biology that the soul is going to pick for its experience and so like your parents are important for that because they have the DNA that your soul wants for its experience and so like when a you know not to get graphic or anything but when a child is created an egg will drop and then one sperm will hit the egg well that vibration of that egg and in that moment in that moment not 10 years from now not is the but is the karma that you want within your DNA in order so whatever issues your parents are having within themselves psychologically whatever is coming through in that DNA when that spark of life happens and the baby is created and that is something that the soul says okay I'm going to use this because I need to refine myself I want to refine my soul in this particular area and so I'm going to I'm going to take this and I'm going to and I'm going to use it this baby batter to create to put myself on a trajectory to put me in a direction where now then when I come through I'm going to have different you go through amnesia I believe that's important because you don't have something to hang on to you're going to be really see what you're made of as a soul to make certain choices and that that's free will choice where you know you could be hit with all these things and God bless and I'm not judging people who you know on a live themselves or who you know because it's hard it's super hard but that's the thing about spirituality you'll just get to do it again later it's not like there's a punishment for that you're not going to go to hell or anything listen I think we're in hell right now I think this can be I think this is it right even Jesus said in the Bible heaven in hell is within you it's here in the moment now and so you know and this this world could be a fucking paradise to I feel that's one of the things that definitely made me more of a positive thinker like I don't think it's gonna happen but damn you guys you can see what's possible like if everybody would heal that heal by self it could be us it would be a it's the polarization for whatever negative there is in the world there's that much whatever darkness however many Elron Hubbard's there are out there there's that much light as well you know and so and you're here in this tug of war between the two and you have your shadow side and your light side as well and and so then you have that choice to make and it's just you know in divinity I want to make that very clear to you guys like in my personal beliefs anyway my opinion God whatever that is source creator is the most loving merciful thing but he's not gonna punish you you're here just to learn that's all it is it's like you're in first grade like you're not gonna get mad at your kid internally because they spell fail a spelling test are you like no some people do yeah that's how serious they take it but you know it's like it's just you're just here and so Doug you were handed that I believe in my beliefs that your soul picked it so that you could refine yourself and then it kind of held its breath as it dropped into your I think I just came in here because someone on another dimension told me dude there's this place you're not gonna believe how crazy these people are like they're all under mind control they're dumb as door nails I include myself on this right so I don't feel like I'm talking out of my ass and when I get outside of this is how I kind of it's the humor brain that kind of because it's all silly once you're get over the fear and all this bullshit but I feel like if that if they're if that's the way it works someone said explained earth and I'd be like dude there's no way you know there's no way that that something could be that lame and then I would say like I'd have to see it to believe it so here I am and it's like because I don't want to if there is life after death I don't want to forget this because it's you I feel like this is a unique experience whether there's life out there or not there's something fucked up about this place and if I didn't see it for myself especially with the scandemic and all this shit like where it's like right in your face I wouldn't fucking believe it Bryce I wouldn't believe L Ron Hubbard could do what he did I these are concepts that are so outside of my childlike naivety even today that if I didn't learn this shit the hard way I wouldn't believe I don't but I still it's crazy so there's so much do you understand what I'm trying to get across even though I'm not doing that because we were on Thanksgiving we were having this conversation because you know my boyfriend's really deeply deeply educated in spiritual concepts and we were talking about how many death there death there's been recently and you guys know why we were talking about like exiting like when you exit and some people will say that there's different points in your life where you can decide it's time to leave if you want like you give your your higher self gives you gives yourself that options and sometimes your higher self will pull you out if it's gotten too much and we were sitting in the car and I was like I was like I I just don't understand why I don't know this is like I'm tired like I'm tired of this ride and he goes you know what I think it is it's like when you go to the amusement park and everyone's like man you gotta try that right it's such an adrenaline rush like it's totally freaky but man it's such an adrenaline you just got to try it he's like I think that's what earth is like these spirits like dude you got to try that thing earth is wild like it's such an adrenaline rush and so he was like yeah cool we'll try it I can get down with that man I don't have any memories or anything and I don't need them I I could get down with that you know if that reminds me of the Bill Hicks you know who is the comedian who took a lot of acid and said life is just a ride it's like a ride in amusement park it goes up down has twists and shit but and then he says some of us wake up and they come back and they realize and they tell people it's just a ride like don't take it so seriously but it's fucking dead serious if you're see this is why I think the world's crazy right it's like not talking about communism or anything but let's just a real let's say just a civilization that would be out of our reach even though it would be probably saying like so we're on a planet where we have to work and do all the shit just to be here just to exist and survive so the basics would be taken care of so we don't have to dog eat dog everybody like we're all human so we should be getting along war should war has always been like this I could never if they were drafted Bryce I would move have to move to Canada I'm not going to kill someone but I don't have a problem with that I can hang out with at a bar I don't have a problem with someone's skin color like I can't get into all the shit I'm supposed to be mad about even when I was in Scientology and even as a kid so it's just like it all is serious right out of the womb because your parents are pushing you to get the good grades and some people have suicided themselves if they don't get the report card I was just watching a just to bring it back to the true crime I was watching one of the documentaries on one of these big channels and it was all about the kids bad grades and how he had to hide shit from his mom and then sort of led to murder what I'm saying the pressure that's put on you just in grade school by your parents and the state as if these grades to regurgitate the state's version of all the bullshit you're going to have to get it ahead later it's also serious and if you don't make the rent you're starving like it's constant pressure that's what I'm saying like from the outside looking in a real world would not operate like this like there's I think there has to be some kind of deep ass trauma and it seems like it's getting worse but then maybe it's a cleansing coming who knows it's obviously something you know I don't think we're supposed to be at each other's throats and so divided and oh you live in a different country you're a different skin color it doesn't all that shit even didn't make sense as a fucking kid that's why I'm saying I wouldn't believe it unless I saw it right I'm the same I I know that sounds hippie-dippy by the way but seriously that's how I feel as an American I don't even think the drafts American because our country is people are going to get mad at me for saying that if you want to join the military awesome do it but that's the point of America is that you're supposed to be able to do whatever you want to make you happy you have the right to pursue happiness if that's not something that makes you happy people shouldn't be drafted in force to do it that's just right that's why a lot of people freaked out in the 60s and shit and did move to Canada and stuff and form the whole hippie revolution even though that was a sigh out but you know it was a reaction to know we're not going to war fuck the government yeah yeah it's um and I've learned to that's one thing I will say in this quote unquote great awakening we're in and we're learning more about the controllers of the world and it's not us versus us it's really us versus them I will say I've seen so many people so many subscribers that watch that have become friends other people I film with in other countries people are starting to figure out that it's not the French that have a problem with the English or vice versa or the Americans with the Germans or whatever it's not it's never about us and my travels around the world I've never felt in any country have been and I've never felt like ostracized because I was an American I was people are people wherever you go they're people they're just people and I think everybody respects that and understands that and we appreciate each other's cultures you know and now it's not even appropriate to appreciate each other's cultures because they call it cultural appropriation it's like no cultures are meant to be shared that's why they're called cultures you know and it's and so I think people are starting to figure out that that the problem is the controllers not us that we the people of the world probably would live in pretty good harmony I mean they're probably little spats here and there but I think most of the time there would be a pretty calmness because most people don't want to hurt anybody most people don't want they don't want to see anybody else suffer they don't want you know I think about like children and the impact like you're not a parent but if you're walking down the street and you saw a child being attacked regardless of that kid's skin color you probably jump in instantaneously and try to protect that child I think most people would because it's about love and nature and protection and you know I think I think you're right and I think that's I know well according to the law one we're about to go into fourth density so that's why it's so crazy right now it's actually like a birthing process which you know and that's the thing about spiritualality too guys it's like you know Aristotle had a great quote that said it's a sign of an intelligent mind when you can entertain an idea without accepting it yeah so and that kind of goes back to that can you question things so like it's a sign of an intelligent mind when you can read all these different spiritual books entertain the idea and just entertainment and observe it you don't have to accept it but just kind of entertain it and like observe it and because that's you being the witness that's you you're here to witness the ride that's all it is you know and and and we have these beautiful things called nervous systems that allows us and in the emerald tablets thought the most amazing thing I read from the emerald tablets where thought said you don't know life without death so when you're just in soul form when you're just in your soul without your body you don't know death so therefore you don't know life and so all those things that you enjoy the the bike rides the the the flowers the the great music the hiking trips that's part of being alive and if you don't know death you can experience that life and that was like when I read that and emerald tablets I was like whoa that's amazing so enjoy it like even though it's hard and it's you without if you don't know pain you don't know joy right if you don't know suffering you don't know love like enjoying that's why we love art that's why we love great movies that's why we love great books it's it's because I think that's why we like true crime is because it's that well trying to understand the psychology but it's that that we we we value life you know and so we value and so anyway but but yeah it's and it's I think what you made was really awesome when you said that you know you kind of Scientology's like whatever now that shows that you're at peace with it you're at peace with the past you're at peace with what you went through and that's because you worked on it you know if someone's on a piece with their past they're going to react to it. Yeah which kind of brings us back to the controlled opposition that we talked about at the beginning like in the X community one of the main things that I believe that it is is the lack of healing and just taking that mentality over and not going through the because it's hard to do price I told you I mean it was natural and organic I didn't have anywhere to go I lost everything I wasn't going to compromise and go back to the cult so I leaned into it and also I was an actor so I could use these deep traumas to actually use it to my advantage but so and I was in my early 30 so I could take it but even then barely but there was something about I don't know man I think it was my destiny I've always been a freak since I popped out of the womb like I my parents were always weird to me the society was weird to me and the big revelation is and I hope this doesn't come across the right way because it's not arrogance is just recognizing the truth like it wasn't me when I was in Scientology it was the Scientologists and Hubbard they actually had it wrong and I was the only one that had it right or as well as the others that escaped yeah but when you're in a a world and it seems like everybody's saying one thing you couldn't it must be you'd like you you could not possibly say oh I have it right and they're all wrong but that's when the penny drop for me on Scientology like in one day I realized Hubbard was he went from my favorite guru or whatever and I totally trusted him to oh I see he's a liar or whatever so it just took the I don't know I don't know what the hell I'm rambling about do you understand what I'm saying though that's a betrayal too because you you thought you Hubbard betrayed you in that sense because yeah as well as my everybody did at that point my parents and everything and and I thought I couldn't survive it but then all of a sudden would I open up my eyes and question government would I have taken the shots there's so many things that would have happened if I didn't get bonked into opening my eyes man and using you got somebody can do this I mean it's not like any it's not like anybody special or anything it's just it felt like a great opportunity because Bryce I realized that like this was all subconscious I didn't do any of this it's like it was all a quote accident I didn't have the mental power to work myself out of it I couldn't determine that my friend magically dropping off a stack of cult books and I'm going to read it when I shouldn't have like there really know that whether you want to call it the higher self I hate using the word God because I don't even know what that means and then people think you're a Bible thump or whatever I call it intuition just to keep it out of that because I don't know right but it was like there was a separate part of me the observer yeah that knew how to get my ass out of this when I wasn't really doing it myself I'd the best thing I could do was just follow what felt right and then dive into it thinking are you like it was a battle that's the rubber band that's always pulling me back that's the friction right that's the yes but then this this true self that was dying to come out since I was a kid it suddenly became more powerful was like being introduced to this new person it was like foreign to me and it was like saying it's not like voices we're talking me up but I'm putting it in voice form feeling it's like this it's a feeling and undeniable it was undeniable though there was no option I can't go back to the cult so I have to go with this but it was almost like someone saying it's okay to let go of Scientology but then I'd say this other part of me and then he said it's okay to get high and it's like that will help your PTFT like all these things that I'm like are you sure so I would just do these weird things that then just follow I thought I got to get back to real life why is my life falling apart this doesn't make any sense this is so outside of the norms are you sure intuition I should do that and it would make me do it whatever would make me do crazier and crazier things became me now and the programming was dropping so it was just the true self for lack of a better word who I really am and who I could be that was much stronger finally than the programming because the program is enormous price as you know just in the society just the light programming let alone Scientology there's no way out without some help from something something and I you know it's so funny you're saying I know you don't like the word God but I've heard it said before that God doesn't speak in Thunders God speaks and whispers yeah that's true that would be that that's how I described this voice the intuition saying it not not just very very so subtle and so below the surface so untouchable when you have the programming but the most powerful non-intrusive thing that I've ever met but I I realize that's just me that's like the real me it was always there that's the true teaching of spirituality is that it's you know God or higher consciousness whatever Ishwara is what they call it in the sutures it's not something that's outside of you it's never it's always within all the way you know and that's what's and that's what drives me crazy there's another great documentary that was just released that I've been watching called Let Us Pray and it's about the fundamentalist Baptist churches and all the sexual assault and all that it's it's harrowing what some of these worlds have gone through it's a multi-part if you guys are into this stuff it's harrowing what's it on Bryce where can you find it Amazon I think I'll have to double check but it's called Let Us Pray it's about and I covered I've covered like Steve Anderson I've covered some of the real because I'm a huge fan of of spirit of of divinity I'm a huge fan of of the unseen world of great goodness and it makes me mad when people like weaponize that against others which is what cults do and a lot of cults yeah and the people which often goes with the occult which I believe is a real thing but like we talked about before is it's weaponized and poo poo as fantasy yeah and it's some and the church is big I did a whole I've I grew up Presbyterian I love Yeshua which was his real names his teaching Jesus is not the real name of him they didn't have the J sound back then again there went your Christian audience again Bryce okay it's fine I've already got listen I have I have a whole email I don't know if I told you this like I get so many death threats from Christians I don't take those seriously anymore you get death threats I just get them disgruntled but death I get that's not very Christian like well the funniest one I got was this man because you know if you watch this let us pray it's all about the male dominated women are literally just property of men and this guy sent me when I started going through the missing books of the Bible which is censorship guys you cannot say that your anti-censorship when it comes to medical decisions all that kind of stuff and your anti-censorship but you want certain books of the Bible band that's still censorship if you're anti-censorship you should want to all expose because I I want everything out there for every human being to be able to make their own decisions based on all the information and the missing books the Bible are so interesting and they tell a very different story and there's no pressure on you Yeshua the real person was never crucified because the real God doesn't require human sacrifice that's what Lucifer requires that's what they do on those islands in the Caribbean with that guy named Jeffery it's all safe because of YouTube but so think about that for a second like cannibalism is not a part of the of the light right we don't eat each other and so the real Yahshua was never never crucified and he he taught what we're talking about like it's you you are you are that the word the etymology for the word savior is one who saved himself he taught that you have to save yourself no but he was anti-religion he was like us he was like anti-religion anti-government like really was like there are controllers out there and they're gonna they're gonna wreck you if you don't have a control over who you are he was married to Magdalen and she he had he didn't have 12 disciple disciples he had 70 students most of whom were women the church won't tell you that and he wasn't sleeping with them right which would make the key for an airy cult leader he was his wife was Magdalen he was married to Magdalen they were she was the main teacher she was they had five children they don't list the children in the Missy Books the Byler Names they just say five because the the government didn't like him and so he knew that he kept his children safe that the government didn't but they he was never crucified guys that he he that's that's not what a a God a loving God would do there's no price to be paid for your soul you were you weren't you weren't born broken you weren't born you were born you were born a fractal of God like you're not this is just a ride that's all it is and so and that was his teaching like you you know that the the gnosis they were called the Gnostic because that comes the word gnosis there's gnosis and edio edio is outside knowledge gnosis is inner knowledge that that's subtle knowing that's gnosis and that's what he taught was gnosis and you had Scientology is kind of a gnosis religion but they distort it in fact they Albert says that the word Scientology just to jump off that Gnostic idea that you just said to Scientology means knowing how to know that's kind of a mind fuck but is it my because that's like the academic knowledge where he's talking about more like but that no one plus it's a lot what it's like took me forever and word clearing it and everything what the hell is that actually mean but Scientology he's told a lot of stuff not just from Crowley and stuff but it's very Gnostic too yeah that's part of what attracted me to it yeah it's well that's what's going to get because people who are seekers are constantly I mean look at what happened to yashua who turned into jesus like look at the shit show that happened with that the word church I mean I wish people would look this up the etymology of church it's a demonic name that means too much to put under hypnosis and feed off of it comes from a demon name that puts people under hypnosis and then feeds off their souls and how many people are so hell bent on and ask people do you believe in God or do you believe in religion organization or do you believe in a spiritual higher being because what is it Gandhi said God has no religion God has no religion right and somebody else said religion is the opium of the masses it's much easier to take the pain away then to go to go within and then to not necessarily and that's the thing about like rom da says you know we're all trying to be somebody our whole life we're trying to figure out who we are and we play this game I'll pretend your dog if you pretend I'm Bryce we play these games but really the whole point is to be nobody yeah to just be to just be in that state of being there's a really great I'll try to send it to you dog it's a really great thing that and Rom Doss passed away to 2019 right before the pan he was old I think he was like I'm down out take the shot no now he was right no he was right before it was right before the pandemic hit it was like December 2019 and he was like he had been sick and he was like I was like he was like I'm muscle I I've set you I've set all these teachings up you guys have fun with us but anyway there's this great speech she gave I can send it to you dog somebody put it to music it's very quick it's like eight minute sometimes I use it for like my meditations and he talks about when we're just so you don't worship the gate you go into the temple you don't worship the person you don't worship you your being you go into the temple you go inside yourself you don't need a pastor you don't need someone to tell you to be your intermediary between you and God that's not you are that carrier you are that person and he says it's like you you go you see this I'm paraphrasing what he says I'll send it to you but he says you know this this building it's burned down and you're standing in all these ashes and all of a sudden you see this little fractal of a light that's still burning and you take that little light and you start to make it bigger and all of a sudden you're sitting around the campfire and that's all you're doing that's makes me emotional that's all you're doing is you're just sitting around a campfire watching your light watching that fractal that got almost got destroyed by the ashes of people like Elron Hubbard or the church or whatever your abusive partner where you just become so small and then all of a sudden something happens and you dig through those ashes those ruins and you find that tiny little light and you start to nurture that again and you build that flame that is you again and then you just watch it and you see that and others too and you respect that light and other people as well and you know it's beautiful I'll text it to you once we get off Doug because it's really beautiful the way that he he talks about it and it's you know it's like the Ramayana there's this great great quote in the Ramayana that honeymon says and he goes you know when I don't know who I am I serve you when I know who I am I am you and I think that's like a big when you go through these these people because even though you don't go through the same you on the same story but you are that person and you know what that feels like unless you're a HG Tudor and you don't know that I know and you only know it intellectually you know that's another trippy thing like how do I explain this like so I was looking for spirituality it was a narcissistic spiritual bypass and Scientology but it was like if I'm looking for it the the thing is the thing is so weird I would never gonna find it like remarkably the path that I went on itself accidentally led to that because what happened Bryce for 10 years I was in a another state of mind so dissociated so outside looking in and so traumatized and so many question marks going off of my head that during those 10 years it was like I lived a hundred lifetimes of experience because what I did my feelings were coming out and then I would read authors to understand that I'm not alone and to get context I read a ton of different stuff and my emotions are so raw I could feel seeing things from their perspective and then also like I said I was trying to be an actor so it was it already fit into having an excuse to do that but seeing a million different viewpoints going through every emotion but it wasn't intellectual like A.G. it was a living experience where I was in it I was like in it there's no way out and every day was like to get food it was super challenging and I don't want to do it again but I swear to God it was a hundred years of experience crammed into 10 years it was I came from being disassociated to finally grounded but minus the primal wound to start out with there is no adventure to be forced to see from so many different perspectives that when I do talk to somebody or interview somebody or just a person in general sometimes I feel a little bit too much because I really can relate to anybody on at the sounds like a Scientology that may have this when you finish one of their grades is called you're supposed to have the ability to communicate freely with anyone on any subject but I do feel like I can communicate with anyone on any subject getting out of Scientology it just gave me so many different perceptions that it's hard to go back to because there's gray and everybody and everything and I see things so sometimes people say you're being contradictory but it's two things can be true at the same time like people have generally speaking good and bad and I'm or whatever but you see on the internet or just what we're talking about the control opposition you know Mike Rinder and the headlies are kind of being attacked and Aaron's the good guy so you just see everybody black and white turn on each other but there's all these shades of gray and without the experience that I went through I would be pretty monotone and I would have missed a lot of experience so that I could be somewhat empathic and humbled to not I mean it really definitely cut the shit out of my ego Bryce I mean I it's it's good to have an ego right I'm not saying like it destroyed my the positive part but it definitely made me I mean I was in a cloistered environment I had a cult leader I had my parents you know they were rich family I could always depend on them being kicked out in the wolvesman in the wilderness where I had to survive and I had to hang with the bums and meet all these different people that I would never do otherwise it really like um put me in touch with it's really hard to black and white anything anymore man and it's like I I do one I'm thankful I actually had emotions which I found out only when I got out of Scientology and two that ten years that even though it sucked I swore it was a living experience just reading these authors every conversation I have with people it was a deep deep experience going on because I was trying to heal that dissociate all those fragmented parts of my mind yeah and it was like um an amazing experience and then I think back short of the trauma short of that primal wound there would have been no exploration and I would have been the same person I started out as none the wiser so I don't know it's really I it's this thing I don't understand where it's a great gift but it fucking sucked and I I'm trying to avoid that a second time at all costs it won't happen again because it's over the poison yeah it's it's what they say it's because we go down the path of spirituality you go down the path of poison and that's why you see darkness and the whole nine but there you know price even though I was crying a lot of the times and it hurt it felt so good in a way too because I'm like this is leading somewhere this is healing me this hurts and it never ends and goddamn and I want out of this but the other half of me the only part that presented me from killing myself with a gun because it was I wanted a suicide for a while is that at least um I don't have to understand it yet but this is going somewhere and I've never I mean I've never even thought that much pain or this many kinds of emotion or mental overload would even be possible but hey I'm still alive I woke up again today let's continue on even though there's no rhyme or reason than the other side of this shit it was a great experience yeah it's you took that that was a whole ember thing you found that little spark of fire among exactly the rubble and that little intuition that was the real me the little boy to actually follow and tap into but it's hard to do in real life because it's a side all you really breathe Bryce I had to do a lot of things that were way outside of the societal norms that's why I'm saying the voice is saying do it do it and I'm like that's crazy but then I would do it and it's like it got me over so many of the little petty things that people bitch about that it's hard for me to take a lot of people seriously like I said when you really have to deal with real problems we talked about that last time I feel like I'm just rambling but I'm just saying this is sometimes there can be a great gift to your listeners that might be suffering or pain to actually go into that shit and not run away from it and take drugs and avoid emotions if you could like my emotions were the most powerful thing I realized that we have and also they're the things that can get you into the most trouble and cause you to fight and war and everything but those emotions if you can wrangle us the trigger the trigger people people get triggered when they're programming is telling them one thing but their intuition and soul is telling them something else and that's all the time and when you break out of that finally it's it's a freedom and that's and you were a drug you were like breaking down as you're saying that like breaking societal norms while you were breaking down deconstructing two matrix at the same time that's and I would bounce back and forth price purposely I wasn't that's why I'm not a conspiracy there's it was it's the last thing on my but it was organic I could bounce back at both of those back and forth do you know what I mean the thing or it was like everything was crumbling not just the Scientology but like the whole your whole world view so you were breaking out of the the little cult Scientology and the big cult which is the real world quote that's why it's taken me forever and that's the that's a big difference between me and the controlled opposition and the X C org or whatever they didn't generally speaking have a breakdown they carry that C organ Scientology with them not all of them I'm talking about the superstars in the community generally speaking the people that that they most look up to like I was living out of my car in year 10 of getting out of Scientology and I'm watching Mike Rinder the head of the office of special affairs that's the equivalent of the CIA to destroy people's lives for 22 years and while I'm living in my car I'm going where's the decompression process because he's in a smart suit on Leah Remney show and he's got a lot of money. They skipped that but that was the great gift and that was the part that I thought we were all getting when we came out of Scientology so to bring it back to the very beginning of the conversation Bryce because I was adding up the microcosm to the macrocosm by two cults I thought that everybody else was also realizing that and that was the great gift of x Scientologists and we were going to save the world not in the Scientology way not in a huge grandiose way but we were all surely having the same revelations at what we can see in the cult mind control we can see on the world stage not only does almost we did nobody almost they still don't Bryce they just go back to the normie world so that's why it's taking me fucking 15 years to get you know how the shit you have to read and the dots you have to can it could it could just drive you crazy but but that's what was happening naturally man seeing the two juxt opposed against each other and going why the the same assholes as when I knew them when they were in the cult generally speaking but that's why because they didn't actually go through that Trump they didn't do program and people human nature it's not it's not I don't think it's conscious for a lot of people the human body human psyche is going to avoid pain at all cost and so it's going to do things to avoid pain at all cost that's why drugs are so big that's why you know it's alcohol is shopping sex whatever it is they're going to do so if it's going into the normie world and joining another cult are being and another community that's why you know I I think finding Jesus too man I mean exactly that's what I'd say I love I think Amy Scoby is one of the sweetest women I don't know we're off camera I know she's a great example of what we're talking about Bryce it's just what is it it's too much it's so it's it's people think it's beautiful but I think it's crazy Bryce it's sad it's like you had all these years out Amy and straight into the church and I'm just like Oh God Amy and that's one thing I hear people say like David miscavages you know that'd be like the poke punch in people I'm like the poke traffics children what that's right everything's inverted man and religion is the greatest form of mind control ever invented I swear to God like research this stuff if you know that Scientology so bad research these other things too because you know like that's what upset me the most about Amy when she was like I'm a Christian I'm like do you know that Jesus is derivative from Hale Satan do you know that the Bible that they call the Bible that people have now that the that the Freemasons wrote with King James the slave's Bible do you know that this that you were in a demonic cult you weren't another Scientology Mormonism Christianity Freemason these are all pillars of Satanism so you hopped from one pillar all the way over to the next pillar yeah maybe we don't do auditing and stuff like Scientology does the years blood with ripping women apart right because because they were they were old women who've lived in the side of the villages with no husband so they deemed them witches and they hung up you know look at the and that's what I think that's Doug because you like step back and that's what that's one thing my boyfriend said about you know we first started watching your channel or he first started he was like this guy like gets it like he's he had his experience and then he stepped back and he saw these patterns and other organizations and so he started to use his critical thinking skills to connect the dots and that's what best makes me the most it's like if you're if if this can happen in Scientology why can't this happen why can't you see that this is also happening in other areas of your life at other religions in other governments like we're talking about the process church and the animal best friend animal society yeah sanctuary on their and they're part of of off shoot group of Scientology it's like research take the time take the time to process everything and and you're right I intended no process everything by the way that doesn't necessarily mean they're sacrificing dogs or whatever but it's very sus for you know that shouldn't be something Leah Remini is supporting because it is it used to be the satanic process church I mean just maybe stay away from it even if they are doing quote good please stop saying that's like the poke punching people because there are people I know personally who've been affected by the trafficking that the Catholic church does I know whistleblowers and that hurts people when you yes when you just credit that the Catholic church Scientology is going to take decades to catch up to the Catholic church is pedophilia and abuse and everything I swear and then and then this is going to give me in trouble well I'm not going to say it but let's just say religions I'm thinking of one area right now it's used as I'm right you're wrong I have the right got so much war and bloodshed I think religion that's division in this world when the people could just calm down and really realize that it's not that challenging like you said it's within you you don't have to come up with some new formula you just have to be willing to experience some pain and some emotions and not run away from it all into Jesus saves or something it's what can I actually question from an as an outsider and I don't want to bag on Amy scoby here because she's a lovely lady but I was taken a back when she went on Aaron Smith Levin show and pronounce that she was in in you know a born again Christian whatever she called it and she had that same lunatic dead-eyed stare and excitement that we had in the Scientology what do you think it's something lacking psychologically with Amy or something it's I think it's not wanting to deal with trauma I think it's running from one cult to the next I think it's not doing the diligence of the research I think that it's part of that whole like Scientology is bad and but this church is good when reality they're all they're all 501c3 guys and that's the thing too like a nonprofit is a 501c3 that means is under government control so all of these churches are connected to the government right and don't have to be a conspiracy theorist just do research and just to realize that you cannot sit there and I mean it makes me so emotional because we're not even talking about just pedophilia we're talking about things like petivores do you know what that is Doug a petivore no petivore no quick what does that mean look at our dictionaries right son well look up the down right what what does that mean I learned what that meant over this all this research so that's the Dionysian cult which is what the cult what what the Christian cult is today so that's where Jesus comes from it comes to the name Zeus which which is I do know about the yeah and this is the start of Freemasonry this is the start of secret societies that are based in the dark of cult the Dionysian cult would into them they would learn how to like try to do things like shapeshift so they were inviting dark energy and then they would do smut and I don't know if you guys know what smut is it's where they like I don't know if I can say this on YouTube it makes me sick to my stomach they like snuff films or smut are they the same thing as snuff it's it's where they hurt children in a sexual act and they kill them at the end yeah snuff films and they eat the bottom that's what the bottom that's to get the power in the soul and all those bullshitting they use young these and you to animals to the purest among us and if you look at all these old it makes me so emotional if you look at all these old churches like especially in Europe they all have temples underneath the sanctuaries like you can look this up guys like myth route look up myth for temples underneath old I've covered this I think it's on rumble now just like where this video is going maybe well I might go I don't think so I think we've been good boys and girls right yeah I think we're too far and but um when a congregation is gathered in a church there's an energy this is spell casting guys there's an energy in the prayer and the songs and stuff like that so these old cathedrals they would gather the people into the sanctuary and underneath them they would be doing these rituals harnessing the energy of the people above right this is not conspiracy like they to give tours in Europe of these temples today still have them there's underground tunnels even all over L.A. and then even the Scientology Building has their underground tunnels beneath Alron Hubbard Way to get well tunnels sounds that makes a sound all Q Q and shit know there's tons of underground shit just in Los Angeles and then they also have an underground thing that goes under Alron Hubbard Way at the Scientology big blue building here in L.A. I mean Pat was at Pat Robson Pat Robbins with the 700 club guy oh there's so many got little boys that he was a very fundamentalist Christian guy that did this show fucking scary and there's so many men now they that they're men now but they when they were little boys they're coming out as whistleblowers that they were raped by him trafficked by him these are all people doing this in the name of Christianity and I I would cover as H.G. Tudor was talking about religions a great cover you know he said he grew up a Christian or and would it was a great pretend thing to make him seem like he was a stand-up individual upset exactly and so I would ask people like Amy before you go proclaiming this new cult as you're now you're saving grace you know the thing that Christians say a lot because I grew up Presbyterian was that you're not going to go to heaven unless you accept Jesus as your savior well here's the thing guys Jesus means Hail Satan that's what it means that wasn't his name his name was Yeshua not Jesus they changed his name and it comes from the Zeus so we're talking about a demonic cult when you're asking an energy to come into you what are you doing what is that you know I Jordan Maxwell who's one of the original researchers he's passed away now and he had a hell of a life like oh I remember Jordan I thought you I was just thinking Jordan Peterson for a minute yet Jordan Maxwell man yeah he has a great I I beg you people I got some astonishing research man he was a researcher what that was the biggest compliment someone gave me a couple of years ago they said Bryce you're the new Jordan Maxwell and I was like that is the biggest compliment because yeah that is a great comment because he's been fucking doing that for 30 years man and he's where well read on all that stuff like sitting in libraries like play I know he was the original OG on all this conspiracy stuff absolutely in there and that was the first video that actually woke me up to the bigger on those 2016 we're in India we take what we call oil baths if you ever heard of an oil bath before and you sit with like castor oil all over your body you said naked like yeah I would put a towel out and cover my body with and the castor oil pulls out inflammation basically so it pulls out inflammation out of your skin and it's really actually I really wanted you have the best sleep of your life that night for sure but it just kind of D it's and so when you first do you do like 10 minutes but by that point I'd work up like an hour at the end of the week I would put the castor oil all over me and I'd put my laptop off and I would watch stuff and so I put on my boyfriend had sent me like a documentary wanted me to watch and he'd been awake for a very long time but he was like I was asking some questions and I was curious he was like watch this cult of of Saturn the Saturn alien brotherhood but and it was like a 2001 lecture by and I'll if I can find it on YouTube I'll place it in the description box below guys and I watch and I couldn't it was so mind blowing what he was saying I was covered in castor oil so I couldn't press my laptop to stop it so it was like this cruel trick of God where I had to sit there and listen to and it took me a year to process everything that I heard I was already was it Jordan Maxwell was it is this a lecture by him is that were you referring to the cult of Saturn yeah cult of Saturn which is the cult of Satan comes to the Saturn alien brotherhood their rings while we wear wedding bands all that kind of stuff yeah I went that I bet should we bend all down the same rabbit holes prices it's a long it was quite a while ago but I read all the books the Maxwell's that you know that I remember all the whole getting mind blowing just every day man it's like it's like there's a whole body of knowledge out there that if you could just unglue from the TV they don't know what they're missing and it would make sense of the world that they live in the real history of this planet is way more fucked up and way more juicy yeah and I think it could be it's not like the information of it's not totally censored but you have to go looking for that's what I'm saying Bryce that's one of the things that kept me going first Steve Hassan's book with what's what's phobia indoctrination mystical manipulation hypnosis like that was the basic and then you run into people like Jordan Maxwell he was pretty pretty towards the beginning of my journey to then Kathy O'Brien and stuff the thing was kept me going was I was learning so much knowledge symbolism the subconscious it all made sense man and I was like where the fuck has this not like it was mind blowing it's it's it's incredible to read some of this stuff and it calm me the fuck down about feeling like an insignificant person and this occult shit makes so much sense and went out of the world and then when you have people like Jordan Maxwell you know doesn't mean never gets everything right I know people are going to go well you know you got that fine but the people that research this stuff or whatever there is a whole smorgasbord of knowledge that actually makes sense of the world and all the programming that if you don't come across it you don't even know what the fuck you're missing because it's fascinating man he and he is not like a true like he like lecture he was a researcher he was like this this and he just he was before anybody else like you said hanging out at libraries and even got invited onto lots and shit to talk about the shit because this was mind blowing his level of research he was blowing studio heads stuff to put movies and shit I mean he was he was well-respected despite being a conspiracy theorist he was just he just the level of intelligence and that's where I learned about studying etymologies of words to figure out that he's the one that I learned the thing from and I looked at my I would go look all this stuff up myself like what he would say I'd write it down and go look it up you know and the Saturn alien why the the priest where are the preachers where black robes which mine did growing up and that's because they're sworn into Satan that comes from the Saturn alien the black that's why judges were black yeah and even the ring of Saturn as on the 90s logo you you start to see you start to see the corporate logos from an occult point of view yet by the world crowds because it's Saturn alien and so I would just people like Amy scoby Leah Rema before you make these statements that are so damaging you know you're talking about that went through the most horrific SRA with the Pope with Billy Graham who was a one sorry to burst your bubble guys he was a fucking Satan as Billy Graham that guy's fucking evil and you can tell just by looking at these people some of these church guys are some of the most pedophilic evil-looking people and they put off a bad vibe that's and so you're saying that these people are so saintly and good but yet you've got survivors who are to try to shut down some of these churches because of what's happened and they're going through the most traumatic experiences with with pastors and please be careful when you're saying that stuff just because you were an occult doesn't mean that this group over here isn't occult to so you have to be careful with that like you have to I think that's what you did Doug you kind of realized that if Scientology got it wrong then who else got like there has to be a bigger bigger bigger conspiracy Jordan Maxwell and a thousand others that were actually explaining what was never explained to me before and it it made sense and there was no cults or gurus there was no one particular author it was everybody it was just like all of a sudden because I was interested in mind control and all that stuff through Steve Hassan's book there was this whole new world of knowledge opened up where my very first question almost on day one of waking up out of Scientology and learning this why wasn't I taught this in school where was this knowledge that's could set me free from Scientology let alone the world and like you said you know Leo Remini not to bag on her but she's now a Catholic so I think that they miss the bigger picture on the world stage they don't come across this occult knowledge it's it's it's means hidden it doesn't mean evil right but it is kind of hidden because I didn't know anything about this while I was under Hubbard's spell so unless they see the bigger picture a Leo Remini and a Navy scoby or a Chris Shelton who's an atheist they never connect the dots and they think that the world is sane or somewhat rational compared to Scientology not realizing it's almost exactly the same as occult yeah it's just do you get lucky enough to get the information to make it your business to I found love with this information and I couldn't get enough of it I don't anymore because I got enough of a picture where I'm not obsessed with this but I told you last time full time is a full time study Bryce like I put everything on hold and I just I was so into this shit I so wanted to know because I felt like Jesus Christman I mean I thought I was getting the truth from most of my life and I realized everything was inverted and actually fucked myself up in Scientology but that gave me a desire to know the truth whatever it turns out to be and all of a sudden just naturally synchronistically and organically I just fell down these rabbit holes and each information would lead to the next thing and just it was all making sense man and I was like where have you been all my life once you see it you can't unsee it that's the thing about once you wake up you can't go back to sleep and that's just what I would really you know I know that there are a lot of good people in the church I want to make that clear it's the church that's the point I'm glad you said that so we don't get lambasted but like but like you said sorry to interrupt Bryce but I forgot that point like you said like Leah would be preaching just to use her an example you know how good the Catholic Church is oh rah rah you got a Scientology meanwhile there's X Catholics that are cringing because that's offensive to cult survivors that when they don't connect the whole picture they you know that they're offending other people you know or Amy scoby I feel like I'm just ragging on these people but you know what I'm saying short of connecting the dots and getting some perspective and pulling back you're very likely because it's a lot to sort out right and there's a lot of bullshit going on but short of that how the fucking you not going to wind up and do another fake belief system that's why I was so paranoid took my time and I'm like I'll fucking make this my full-time job even I just want to before I roll out of here I got to be good with myself I have to put my mind back together again because I don't want to join another cult and like I said Bryce I thought that was very obvious to all of us coming out of the cult it was heartbreaking to find out that that wasn't happening they're going most of them if not all just go back to the normal world they don't question dick when I thought that was the big revelation that you'd have coming out of a cult at least that's what was happening to me man and not trying to do anything that's just what naturally happened exactly I 100% agree with you because I think when you know and I think that is is because as you're saying that I'm thinking about like the church like going from one extreme or Scientology saying this is the way to save yourself this is the way to whatever then you go to church for the same the only way to save yourself is to accept this belief system so it's going from one external belief system to another external belief system to find her own salvation and you can have a relationship with God you don't need a religion to have a relationship with the divine at all I would even say if you're in a religion you're not going to be having a relationship with the divine it's almost the opposite I please you guys watching watch the new documentary let us pray shining happy people there's all these documented about that are about the Christian sub subculture there are a lot of Protestants that are like oh it's the Catholics they're the bad ones and the Catholics like no it's all the same fucking Bible it's all the same you know the Vatican even though the Protestants try to break away from the Catholic church a few years ago the Pope called in all the money for the Protestant churches so what does that tell you my friends critical thinking skills if the Pope is able to ask for money for the money to be called in for the Baptist Presbydarian Lutheran Episcopalian Church is what does that tell you they're under the the Vatican even though they're not on paper Catholic they're owned by the Vatican Vatican means head of the snake right read the missing books of the Bible they they they've built the Vatican on Peter no no you guys in the missing books the Bible it was will that when Yahshua would pass away not by crucifixion that it would go to his brother James which I don't know what his real name was because it wasn't James and Magdal something and you were married and you were it was a pretty decent business and you were writing your will out who would you lead the school to would you leave it to your wife and your family or would you leave it to some schmuck some narcissistic schmuck that was in your school to my family but when you're in a cult like Scientology or some other ones you skip the inheritance going to the kids and it goes all of the cult so that's what they did with Peter Peter was a fucking psychopath if you read the Narcissist so is the God of the Old Testament that reads like a straight Narcissist you must do what I say for yeah all these rules and yeah the God of the Bible is not source creator is the L.O.P. which is is that the fallen ones the demons and the Old Testament you know people call God Jehovah that's the name of a demon y'all yeah y'all way is more and you are definitely getting rid of your Christian audience but I can't are you with I think I was telling you I'm one older gentleman of fundamentals obviously send me an email and told me that he was a man to therefore as a man he had the power invested in by God to command me to shut my channel down and if that is a narcissism to the extreme which is what have that email safe that's so crazy but I will say Doug in speaking the truth because I'm going to tell the truth like I'm not going to sugar coat it like I love the real Yeshua the real Magdal these real people that wrote these were they had beautiful writings that were not it's not at all what the church is teaching right it's not at all and so I love humans and I don't want people I know there are so many people who've been hurt by the Christian church I know that I that's how I grew up I know people been raped by their youth pastors I know that and so I by putting this information now I know I'm going to lose the fundamentalist and I lost them a long time ago but I had such an incredible community here on esoteric Atlanta of people out of the church and they've met each other and they're still seeking to have that relationship with the divine but without the constraints of the religion and so it's been this beautiful thing for and I I have to applaud all my subscribers for that because you know I try not to get I try to let them kind of you know I don't I want them to find this information for themselves but it's it's been beautiful with it with you let the truth come out it is going to cause ripples and triggers but it's going to do what it needs to do and it's going to heal a lot of people to and so for anybody watching right now if you have been abused by the church I just want to tell you that I believe you I believe that I believe you and what happened to you was not okay and you are not loved any less by source creator or divinity even though you might feel like it because of what the church is made by man not by God right I don't even think the real yasha would it would be welcomed in the church so I think they would know just just like anybody who tries to tell the truth gets jumped on sensor to everything that's why I think this world's weird I would needed to see it to believe it and if they would have said everything's inverted and upside down I'd be like nah you're kidding me and here we are because it really is like that well it's I will say there's a great Gandhi quote I like your Christ I do not like your Christians your Christians are so unlike your Christ right right right so like nobody and that's why I hate the whole profit people are profits people are this y'all know well you don't believe Jeff and is of twin flames universe is Jesus Christ reincarnate I mean that's what he said and shall Leah you know I mean you don't buy it so he looks like and you know that painting as you know that Jesus is right is Cessory Borgia Cessory Borgia was the illegitimate son of one of the Popes and he was a lover of Leonardo a Leon I was not so that he was a see you're you have paintings of the Jesus with the Pantene Proby hair and the blue I know we don't even know that he look like that it's it's the image of the beard and and and the long hair like like and and you know I'm like I walk in people's houses or churches and see that painting I'm like you got a painting of Cessory Borgia in your house and like do a scandalous like Cessory Borgia like showtime did a full on showtime right so the so anyway guys well Doug we're at almost at like two hours now so it's been an awesome conversation sorry no we all we're going to do way way more of these we got we we heard asking you that is a verse of the Bible asking you shall seek seek asking you shall find oh no seeking you shall find ask knock in the door shall be open unto you or something like that so you guys asked and we're going to be doing way more that's going to be that'll be cool we're going to do the twin flame universe again with Steve so so you guys please once again go if you're on my channel go over and make sure you are subscribed to Doug on YouTube bit shoot and rumble because you never know what's going to happen on these platforms so just make sure especially when your people like Doug and me that you've got the backup channels that you're subscribed just in case all the sudden you can't find us one day you know where to find us so anyway guys Doug is there any parting words you want to say to our friends watching right now just thanks Bryce another amazing conversation and I really looking forward to that twin flames one because I'm kind of into that right now I find it fascinating it'll be a good thing to use to as you've already done to break down to show how simple it can all be and how people's vulnerabilities can be on I really want to do the hypnosis one to break down more of the psychology and stuff so just thanks for having me on and very much looking forward to the future stuff absolutely and your work and so willing to put yourself out there you too Bryce it helps people and you know and we're all just walking each other home that's another wrong dog but we're all just trying to figure it out to get guys please just know that none of us all had the answers we're all seekers and and that's okay you know it's okay to not have all the answers just know that that you aren't broken like your soul is fine and you're not you're not what whatever somebody has told you or is not ever the truth don't ever don't believe everything you think right you know it's it's um you don't need a cult leader you don't need a profit you don't need a religion to be okay all you need is you and that is enough and I'll actually end on this my babysitter growing up we would go to South Carolina to the summers spent our summers with my mom's family on the coast of South Carolina we'd have this babysitter and she would say I have let me how to go I have 10 little fingers 10 little toes two eyes a mouth and a nose put it all together and what do you got you got me babe and that's a lot and that's something my babysitter used to say to us and we were we would say it back with her she's probably the one adult in my life that was really regulated so so just remember that guys that little kids that little kids poem that's all you need is you you're enough you're absolutely enough so anyway Doug thank you so much again for doing this and I look forward to future conversations too and I will say guys if you have any other topics you want us to talk about or dive into just put it in the comments section and we'll go for it so alright Doug we'll have a wonderful night you guys I think I think I'll be airing this on Thursday so have a safe and happy weekend upcoming and yeah we'll talk to you soon bye everybody