 Now at the U.S. Naval Auxiliary Air Station at 29 pounds, the Lucky Strike Program, starring Jack Denney with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Larry Stevens and yours truly, Don Wilson. Donnie talking and Don, I don't mind you reaching a little for a last, but you don't have to go that far. Only 29 hairs. I'm counting the two on your chest. Although, you know Don, I'm kind of proud of those two hairs. I've even named them. Named them? Abercrombie and Pitch. Abercrombie is the one on the left, but Pitch has been with me a little longer. Now wait a minute, Jack. Pitch is a hair, Donnie. I know, Don. In fact, if it wasn't for Pitch, I would have lost Abercrombie. This may sound silly, but they really helped me get around. When I came up to the main gate this morning, the guard saluted and let me ride through. The guard saluted you? Yep. As I reached the gate, my shirt blew open. He saw the two hairs on my chest and thought I was an ensign. Still in the Navy, I'd want to be stationed right here at 29 Palm. I don't know, there's nothing like the desert that's so beautiful, so colorful, so romantic, every bit of it. Jack, how can you stand there with your pants full of cactus and say the desert is beautiful, colorful and romantic? I'm merely repeating what it says on the bulletin board. It says, from Lieutenant Commander Smith to the personnel at 29 Palm, you will find this desert beautiful, colorful and romantic. That's an order. Well, you see, Don, this place is... Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. Hi, you fellas. At 29 Palm, 30 different from the other camps we visited, isn't it? It sure is, Jack, but that's because it's so isolated. Oh, I don't think so, Mary. This place isn't so far out from the desert. It isn't, huh? But how come when they give the boys a pass, they give them a canteen of water at the same time? A canteen of water? Yes, and if they sip it sparingly, they can make it to the main highway. Stop exaggerating. Exaggerating? Jack, this afternoon I was taking a walk in the desert. I happened to pass two sailors. So one of them came over, looked at me, blinked his eyes, looked at me again and turned to his friend and said, Hey, Steve, we must be winning. They've got these things back in production again. Those boys were just kidding. I'll bet at least half of these fellas have seen girls before. Anyway, they were just trying to get acquainted. After all, you're the only girl here. Well, if I am, I'm not very popular. When we arrived, I was wearing my prettiest dress, and all the fellas flocked around down Wilson. That's right, Jack. They hung around me for hours. Well, why wouldn't they down? It's the first time they've seen so much shade in one lump. Let's be honest about it. Weather isn't bad out here at all. Jack, nobody's going to punch you in the nose. It's hot and it's dry, so you might as well admit it. Now, Mary, it isn't hot. Oh, here comes Larry Stevens. I'll prove it to you. Say, Larry, do you think it's dry up here? Larry, it isn't so dry up here, is it? Larry, stop licking your lips and answer me. Oh, I feel better now, Mr. Benny. Hello. Yes, but isn't it strange having a naval station so far from the ocean? Well, that's not unusual, Larry. When I was a sailor in the First World War, I was stationed at Great Lakes, and I went through my entire naval career. But I'll seem either the Pacific or the Atlantic. Yeah, but at least you saw Lake Michigan. No, no, no, no. I didn't see that either. What you must have seen at the Great Lakes Naval Station is right on the shores of Lake Michigan. Mary, when I joined the Navy, I spent my first night in a hammock. When I got up, I was so bent over, I didn't see anything but the guy in back of me for the next three years. I was being bent over, but every time I sat down, I rocked myself to sleep. It was awful. But Jack, how could you get so doubled up from sleeping? Well, down was my first experience with a hammock. How did I know you weren't supposed to hang both ends on the same hook? No, they should give directions with those things. Gee, Mr. Benny, it must have been terrible walking around bent over like that for three years. No, no, Larry, it worked out very well. After leaving the Navy, I went into Waterville as the only talking U-turn in the country. That's what you did. I knew that would hit Remly. Anyway, kid, now that you're here, I'm sure the boys would like to have a song. How about it? Okay. Hold on a minute. Come in. Mr. Benny. Yes? What is it, Taylor? Is it so that when you tell your show at a camp, the boys always give you souvenir? Well, yes, yes. Once I played at an infantry camp, and they gave me a rifle. Another time, I was at an air base, and they gave me a parachute. Just two weeks ago, I played at a boot camp. And they gave him the boot. Marry. She's just jealous because my son's suit is more daring than hers. Anyway, it's true. When I play at a camp, the boys usually get together and give me some sort of a souvenir to take home with me. I'm glad to hear that, Mr. Benny, because the boys here voted to give you something, too. Well, in fact, there are so many things we'd like to give you. You can take your choice. My choice? Yep. You can have the desert, the palms, the wind, the sand, the rabbits, the sagebrush, the cactus. Wait a minute. The heat, the dust, the corpus, the coyotes, the snails, the sailors. The tents, the dunes, the bees, the breeze. Larry, you better not sing. You better not sing. The monster. Larry, sing. The yuppie. The lizard. The bunny. There's the tar. The bark. I mean, you belong to my heart. And now, fellas, for our feature attraction tonight, we're going to... Okay, sailors, you're all in clover because Harris is here, and I'm taking over. It's so late. What took you so long getting here? Well, I'm sorry, Jackson, but I couldn't get a lift, so I walked over from the ship's service store. Just a second, Jackson, hold it a minute. I want to get a little... Take off the other shoe. I might find Gravel Gertie. I'm just kidding you. I really love it here at 28 Palms. Well, it's not 28 Palms. It's 29 Palms. It's 28. 29. 28. 29. Just a minute. You know, I meant to tell you. Friday night, I saw the opening of your new picture. The horn blows at midnight at Warner Brothers Theater. Oh, yes. The horn blows at midnight. How'd you like me? I don't know. I blew at 10.30. Take a picture because if I must say so myself, I give a dynamic performance. You do, eh? I certainly do. Did you read what the critics said about me? Yes. Friday night, we're going... And the critics said, Jack, Benny's performance... I know what they said. You don't have to repeat it. I saw your picture and I thought you were wonderful. Nobody's asking... What? What did you say, Don? I said, I saw your picture and I thought you were wonderful. But I was a little disappointed in the credits. Why? I got star billing. I know, Jack, but I mean the other credits. You know where it says, music by Waxman, make up by Westmore and gowns by Milo. Well, what's wrong with that? Well, they should have added cigarettes by Lucky Sprank. Oh, for heaven's sake, Don. In the movies, they can't credit every incidental thing. But Jack, Lucky Strikes aren't incidental. They're made from the finer, the lighter, the naturally milder tobacco. Well, Don, Don, I agree with you, but tell me, in which scenes did you think I did my best acting? Well, to tell you the truth, Jack, I didn't see your picture. What? When I noticed that they didn't give Lucky Strike credit, I got up and walked out. Well, Don, if you didn't see the picture, how did you know I was wonderful in it? You told me that two weeks ago. Hey, Jackson, I want to ask you something. If you're so good in that picture, how come the day it opened in Los Angeles, you were hiding in Palm Springs? I wasn't hiding. You know, very well, I sub-leased William Powell's house. He's not using it for a month. How do you pay him for it, Jack? Well, ordinarily, he rents it for $150 a month. But since we're such good friends, he insisted that I take it for nothing. But I told him it was ridiculous and I gave him $10. You know, I just couldn't be a stinker. Now, let's see where it was. Oh, yes. Oh, yes, tonight, fellas, we're going to present a dramatic play entitled... Excuse me, I'll get it. Hello? Hello, Mr. Bennet. It's Roger. Roger, sir. What do you want? Why, was he mad? But he happened to get so angry. Did his lawyer come out with him? Nobody figures I'm doing. Yes, sir, don't worry about it. I'll straighten the whole thing out when I get home. Goodbye. Goodbye. Well, say, Roger, sir, I want you to go to bed early tonight because I'm going to play golf in the morning and I want you to caddy for me. But, boss, I won't. Oh, stop complaining. A nine-hole course is nothing. Nothing for you, but how about me? Yes, sir, you don't carry so much. I'll play golf in the morning and I want you to caddy. Okay, boss. What do you mean, 40? If we lose a boy, we can leave the flashlight home. Hello, my wife, Mandy. I'm your husband, Randy. And, Larry, you're going to be my son, Sandy. That's Sandy, too. Now, Phil, you're going to be one of my neighbors. And, Don... Yes, Jack? You're going to be the 29-pound. Just blossom time. Our scene opens in a little shack in the middle of the desert. That's so beautiful. So colorful. Have some candy, Sandy. I don't like Sandy candy. Sandy, did I, Mandy? Well, we got to eat more. You can have your choice. Fried yucca, mashed tumbleweed, or spaghetti and cactus balls. Gettie and cactus balls, but leave off the spaghetti. They're about 200 miles, eh? That's the boom that can't last. And my wife is Mandy. Sandy, Randy, and Mandy. Well, what a coincidence. Why? What's your name? Fitzgerald. I never called on us. What brings you here? Well, I'm kind of running out of water, and I thought maybe let me have some. Running out of what? Water. A swimmin' pool. Say, if you folks ain't never here to water, what do you got in that pool? Sand, silly. Yeah, but there's a 50-foot dive ball. Okay, Paul. Well, it sure is. I ain't gonna let him dive off that 50-foot board into that pool of sand like that. Don't put your bathing cap on. Good place any longer. I'm going to where there's civilization, where there's life, people, brightly. Let's hitch up the wagon and go. Then eat better, hurry, when I take you out in the sherry, when I take you out. Hey, Paul! Well, I wish they'd hurry. I like it. Okay, but wait just a minute. Before we start on such a long trip, we ought to have some refreshments. You got any, Randy? Randy, I don't know. Hey, Mandy, we got any, Randy? Not here. It ain't A on the way over. I saw a tongue coming down the road with a dog hanging out. Just a minute. Here comes somebody's style. Looks like he's been lost. It does. It's a week. At last, I'm here. Long trip. Well, I made it. Thank you. Where'd you come from? Quality of product is essential to continuing success. Oh, poor American. In a figure added, it's the tobacco that counts. That lucky strike means buying tobacco.