 That's right, folks, be for comedy. Your taste will tell you about Camel's rich, full flavor. Your throat will welcome Camel's cool mildness. So draw off a chair for tonight's show, starring what, Abbott? Did you go hunting with your Uncle Addy Stebbins last Saturday? What did you say? I say, did you go hunting with your Uncle Addy Stebbins last Saturday? Yeah, terrible thing happened. A great big bear sneaked up behind us, grabbed Uncle Addy's gun out of his hands and stuck in his back. What did Uncle Addy do? What could he do? He married the bear's daughter. Did you see any big game? I saw a giraffe, but I didn't shoot him. He had a sore throat. Well, it's nothing worse than a giraffe with a sore throat. Oh, yes, there is. What? A centipede with corns. I didn't think you ever went hunting in your life, and I don't believe you did. I'll bet you haven't even got a hunting license. I have, too. Here it is. Wait a minute, wait a minute. There's no hunting license. This is a picture of Hedy Lamar. You hunt what you like, and I'll hunt what I like. Boy, that's ridiculous. Oh, yeah, my Brunner and I, we used to hunt alligators. Alligators? Yeah, one time an alligator was just about to attack my Brunner law. I fired off both barrels of my trusty rifle. Did you kill the alligator? See the swallow? Genuine alligator? No, genuine Brunner law. Doc says, come here, look at this. You see this picture? Now, I've kept all these rabbits last winter. Now, how many would you say there are? 876. That's exactly right. Oh, wait a minute. How did you guess it? Oh, I just count the legs and divide by four. Costella, have you ever been in Africa on the safari? No, but I've been in New York on safari. The safari in New York? Yeah, the Staten Island safari. And also the whole Brooklyn safari. Oh, now, come on, that's ridiculous. Lots of safaris around there. Hey, listen to me, though. You should have been with me on my elephant hunt. Oh, there I was surrounded by elephants. One big bull elephant started towards me. I said to myself, I'm trapped. Abbot, you're trapped. Should I run or stand here and shoot the bull? You've been doing all right up to now. The elephant fell and broke a tusk. Broke a what? A tusk, tusk. Tusk, tusk to you two and a couple of poo-poos. Gone on. A tusk is valuable. We use 50,000 elephants a year just to make billion balls. My? How do they train those big, clumsy beasts to do such delicate work? I can see you. I can see you know nothing about elephants. I once held 100 elephants in India with an old acquaintance of mine. And an elephant sat on them. Something I got to go back there. Why? To scrape up an old acquaintance. Yeah. Hey, Abbot, did you ever shoot a zebra? Yes, I did. Could I have that zebra skin? Oh, what do you want with a zebra skin? My aunt, Minnie, is in Alcatraz. She needs a new fur coat. Oh, that's silly, Castella. However, I have a stuff that rhinoceros you can have. Of course, you know what a rhinoceros is, don't you? Oh, sure. That's a hippopotamus would have readied her cat. Now, come on out there. I know you're breathing. All right. Castella, this is the last week of the big game hunting season. Now, tomorrow I'm going hunting in the High Sierras. And I'd like you to come along with me. Oh, gee, thanks, Abbot. Say, you've done a lot of hunting. What did he call those little flies that buzz around the animals? Nats. I asked you a civil question. What did he call those little flies? Nats. And that's to you, too, brother. No, no, no. Nats are the flies that annoy the animals. Of course, some of them have ticks. Why don't they take the ticks and give those flies a good trashing? I didn't say sticks. I said ticks. For instance, there's deer sticks. The deer ticks? That's certainly deer ticks. Who want them up? Oh, nobody want them up. And what makes them ticks? Somebody must have slipped a groom in his groom. Castella, when I say, listen to me, please, when I say deer ticks, I don't mean the deer ticks. I mean deer ticks. Abbott, let me smell your breath. Oh, come on, please, talk sense. The deer has ticks, and the ticks bother the deer. They used to bother me when I went to school. Ticks bother you in school? Yeah. Arithmetic ticks? Mathematics? And one time, a tick got me in trouble with the teacher. Oh, now, wait a minute. How could a tick get you in trouble with the teacher? I ticked my tongue out at the teacher, and she trounced the tweet of my trousers with a twat. Dr. Lowe, I'm talking about animal ticks. Hundreds of animals in the woods have ticks. That must be a pretty sound. 100 animals get together, and they all start ticking at once. No, no, listen, Castella, listen to me. Deer have ticks. Elks have ticks. And one time, my father shot a moose with ticks. Now, do you know what I'm talking about? Sure, your father's moose ticks. Oh, no. You're getting more stupid every day. I don't know what to do with you. I don't know what to say to you. I've tried, and I've tried to improve your mind, but I just can't seem to get anywhere. Why don't you face it, Abbott? You're a failure. Here for Camel Cigarette, Sir Skinny Anderson the Boys with Percentamental Reason, Skinny on the Vocal. I love you, sentimental reason. I'll give you my heart. I love you, and you alone were meant for me. Give your loving heart to me, and say we'll never part. I think of you every morning. I love you every night, darling. I'm never lonely. Whenever you're inside, I love you. Hope you do believe I've given you my heart. The changes of American history are illumined by the names of doctors who worked unceasingly to overcome disease and to make life happier and more secure for humanity. The makers of Camels are pardonably proud of the standing of this cigarette among doctors. A nationwide survey of doctors' cigarette preferences was recently made. Three leading independent research organizations asked this question of 113,597 doctors, doctors in every field of medicine. What cigarette do you smoke, doctor? The brand named most was Camel. Yes? According to a recent nationwide survey, more doctors smoke camels than any other cigarette. I'm ready to go hunting with you up in the mountains. That's fine, Castella. How is your hunting equipment? I got the best, Abbott. Look, Cornell Wild's old address book. Go ahead. Castella, hunting is a serious sport. I suppose you came face to face with a big broon. What would you do? Ask him for a ticket to the Rose Bowl game. Oh. You know, Marilyn Maxwell and the Skinny Anise are going to meet us at the hunting lodge. And I hope you brought something along. I did. I brought a quart of bourbon in case somebody gets a chills. What are you bringing, Abbott? The chills. Did you bring a gun? Well, yes. Here it is. This is my sold-off shotgun. Wait a minute. Where is the handle? How do you like that? I sold off the wrong end. Marilyn and Skinny are waiting for us at the hunting lodge in the mountains. Let's go. Oh, no. Wait a minute. Don't insult Castella, Skinny. Don't be a pill. Skinny ain't no pill. He's too long and narrow. You're a capsule. Hunter, Skinny, do you know anything about guns? I know guns inside and out. My man, when I was a kid with the circus, they used to shoot me out of an air rifle. What do you know about them? Have you seen that big bear rug in my living room? Sure. Well, I shot that bear myself. What a battle. It was either me or the bear. Well, I'm glad it was the bear. He's making an awful, luffy rug. Hey, look, Castella. Here comes Marilyn Maxwell. Hi, you boys. And hello, Lois Lewis, honey, my chubby little chuckling chipmunks. Oh, Marilyn. My sugar-coated sharpshooter. Plug me with a buckshot of your kisses. Lewis, honey, how do you like my hunting outfit? That's this avenue. Get a load of mine. Army surplus. It's going to be fun hunting with you. What's your favorite wild game? Post office. Post office isn't a wild game. It is the way I play it. Lewis, my little snowman, come melt in my arms. Jane Marilyn, when I'm close to you like this, I just can't seem to break away. Why not? My nose has caught in the trigger of your shotgun. Lewis, if you'll excuse me, I'll go up to the hunting lodge and freshen up. As they say in Spanish, mañana o ya noches to you. And your mama's own nice shirt to you too. Hey, Castella, Castella, look up on that mountain top. Now, there is a mother stork and two little storks. Yeah, Abbott, can I ask you a question? Certainly. When the mama stork talks things over with the little storks, who does she say brings the babies? Yes, there is. Why? Well, you better walk him down into its hole. Are you a stranger? I'm the game warden. Yeah? What's your game, warden? Is it a steep game? No, we only play for a tenth of a cent. We're after some big game. Have you seen any hearabouts? Hearabouts? Hearabouts? Abbott, I thought we came up here to shoot deer. I wouldn't shoot a poor little hearabouts for anything in the world. Anybody that will shoot a little hearabouts and make a widow out of a she-abouts ought to be ashamed of themselves. Oh, shut up, you idiot. How about it, warden? Is there any big game around here? Well, there's a ferocious mountain lion that has been terrorized in the countryside. He's been killing the farmer's chickens and he's even been stealing eggs. At the price eggs are now, I don't blame him. Well, it's to the man that gets that mountain lion. One of you boys ought to trap him. Which one of us would you suggest? Why don't you try, Tubby? You got the biggest trap. What kind of stockings can you make out of blind skin? Nile. Which way south? If you're afraid, you're not afraid to take this chance. You understand? Yeah. I'll take this cane, you see it? A lion won't bite you if you're carrying a cane. Yeah, but how fast do I have to be carrying the cane? I ain't mucking around with no lines, Abbott. The last time I saw a lion was in the Adirondack Mountains. What happened? I snapped at the line, then the line snapped at me, and then something whizzed past. What was it? Kansas City. Quiet. I hear something. Listen. I love you. Ouch. I love you. Castella, what was that? Two porcupines. Snacking. Cigarettes bring you the lovely Marilyn Maxwell from MGM, producers of their Academy Award Contender the Yearling. Accompanied by the four hits, Marilyn sings Blue Sky. The sky and the blue. When you take your first puff from a camel cigarette, there's a delighted response from your t-zone. That's tea for taste and tea for throat, the proving ground for any cigarette. Your taste and your throat tell you you've made a wise selection. See how choice tobaccos, superbly blended and properly aged, give camels a rich mellow flavor that's extra delightful to your taste. See if camel's own cool mildness isn't exactly what you've always wanted to suit your throat. Yes, millions say camel suit my t-zone to a tee. You know, a nationwide survey of doctor's cigarette preferences was recently made. Three leading independent research organizations asked this question of 113,597 doctors. What cigarette do you smoke, doctor? The brand named most was camel. Yes? According to a recent nationwide survey, more doctors smoke camels than any other cigarette. Right, Castello. All right, now take it easy, kid. I'm right in back of you. Don't worry about me. Here's the mouth of a cave. Now, go in there. That's a pal for you. I'll let you go in and get the lion on eye. You want me to go in and get the lion on eye? Actually, I'm your friend. Why don't you go in and get the lion? Oh, what do you mean? You want me to go in? I have a family. Oh, what I got? Never mind what you've got. You go ahead and get that lion. OK, I mean, what's the matter? You scared? Look at you. Your knees are docking. I always knock before I enter a cave. Take it easy. Buck up, Castello. And remember, make the lion believe you're not afraid of him. I couldn't be that deceitful. You've got to think of those poor people who've washed their cattle and their chickens and their eggs on account of that lion. How can you face them, Castello? Think of it. How can you face them when they may be starving? How can I face that lion? He may be starving, too. Oh, there you are, Lewis, honey. Oh, I'm so proud of you. I know you're going in that cave and kill that lion just for me. I am? Yes. And Lewis, honey, I'd do anything for you. Why, I climbed the highest mountain. I'd swim the deepest river. How do you like that? Here I am facing death. Death. And this dame is going to go out climbing and swimming. OK, I'll go in. But if that lion runs out, don't nobody shoot at him. Oh, it is. I may be inside of him. Gee, it's certainly dark in this lion's cave. Why don't you lie to Max? Who said that? It's me, the lion. What do you know, a talking lion? I got to tell Abbott, Skinny, and Merlin about this. Oh, no, no, you must never tell anyone. I'm a hermit, and I just hate people. I wear this lion's skin to scare them away. I live in this cave all alone. How did you find this cave with all the housing shortage? I subleasted from a bear that went on the road with the skating act. You must get lonesome here all alone. Why don't you get a roommate? I had a roommate, and milk. And then the meat shortage came along. You mean that season two, hanging on this wash chain? Yeah. Well, it ain't mine. Look, Mr. Hermit, my girl is outside. I promised her I'd bring out the lion. Give me that lion's skin, and I'll take it out there. And everybody will think you're dead, and nobody will bother you anymore. Here, take the skin. Oh, goody, goody. Now I can be a real hermit. And then I won't be bothered by Lucille Ball, Betty Gravel, or Marilyn Maxwell. Gee, do they call you? No, that's what bothers me. Hey, look, here comes Costello out of the cave. Oh, my hip. Bring him back alive, Costello. When there is danger, who's the one they call? Costello. Yeah, you've hunted a lot of big game. Tell me, did you ever hunt bear? I can't have it. The bushes tickle me. Once I saw a mink, though, I saw a mink crying in the woods. I picked them up, and I said to him, though you'll be a cold banana turner, left mink, left though. Someday you must take me hunting with you. I will, Marilyn, my love. And you can ride on my Papa Jackass. A Papa Jackass? Well, how do you know he's married? All jackasses are married. I celebrate tonight. We'll go to the smartest restaurant for dinner, see the best show in town, and then visit all the swanky nightclubs. Then I'll kiss you goodnight, and after you've got no denying, all alone some I'll be. There's no one else. Penguin, he looks so awful cute. I haven't got the penguin, but I'm wearing his dress suit. There's something phony about this. Turn that skin over. There's a label on that lion's skin, Costello. Come on. Eastern Columbia, burst the moment for camel cigarettes. During the war, the makers of camel cigarettes sent a total of more than 150 million free camels to our fighting men overseas. Now free camels are sent to servicemen's hospitals instead. This week, the camels go to Veterans Hospital Atlanta, Georgia, US Army Valley Forge, General Hospital Phoenixville, Pennsylvania, US Naval Hospital Newport, Rhode Island, US Marine Hospital Staten Island, New York, and Veterans Hospital San Fernando, California. Camel broadcasts go up to the United States three times a week, a rebroadcast to practically every area in the world where our men are still stationed and to our good neighbors in Central and South America. And here are Rabbit and Costello with a final word. By the way, Costello, the December 10th issue of Look Magazine has printed the pictures of your big barbecue party for the kids. Yes, did you see it, Abbott? I did. I saw your picture, your wife's picture, your kids' pictures, and my picture. But I didn't see my wife Betty's picture. And I know they took Betty's picture. Now, where's my wife's picture? Why wasn't it in there? Well, the fella that took your wife's picture couldn't develop it. Why not? He was afraid to go into the dark room with it alone. Dark room. More pipe smoke, Prince Albert, than any other smoking tobacco. And that's a perfect guide to your choice of a Christmas gift for any pipe smoker, Prince Albert, naturally. Prince Albert's rich, full-bodied flavor and cool mildness spell Christmas joy because they spell lasting smoking joy. Crimp cut to burn cool and even, specially treated to ensure against tongue bite. That's Prince Albert. Give the big palm package of Prince Albert with its special Christmas wrapping to all the pipe smokers on your list. Be sure to hear Prince Albert's Grand Ole Opry Saturday night, read fully the new singing sensation, sings American folk songs in a way that'll make your heart beat faster. Remember, Saturday night on NBC, Grand Ole Opry with read fully the duke-a-pa-duke-a and mini-pearl. You're to tune in next week for another great Abaddon Costello show brought to you by Camel Cigarettes. And remember, try Camels in your tea zone. See if they don't suit your taste, your throat to a tea. And remember too, that giving a carton of Camels is especially warm-hearted way to say, Merry Christmas to all smokers on your gift list. C-A-M-E-L-S. This is Jim Doyle in Hollywood, wishing you all a pleasant good night for Camels. Thursday night is another all-star night on NBC. Stay tuned for the Any Counter show, which follows immediately over most of these stations. This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.