 Can men and women actually be platonic friends with each other? This is a hot debate on the internet right now, but we're gonna add some new ones to the combo Oh my goodness if you do an internet search on this topic There's literally like 300 threads that pop up and there might also be 300 viral videos You know those MOS's where they're like, hey, let's be honest here guys Can men and women really be friends joining us today to break down this topic all the way from LA We got Nelly Nell Chan man. There's no right or wrong answer to this, but all I know is the gray area It's complicated. Yeah, Andrew. So what's the answer? Can men and women be friends? Let's just give it to them All right, so I think the quick true answer is yes, they can It's tough and we have a whole list of reasons why it is tough for men and women to actually be platonic friends But it's possible and everybody's situation is different things they need and expect are different, right? But but let's just talk about why it's tough So we're gonna provide you the framework to understand, you know, your own situation because it's never just a yes And it's never just to know break it down number one Andrew I think the truth is there are different levels of friends and it could be hard for a male to have a female as a level Five out of five friend, right? Yeah, but maybe like what one through three very common. Yeah school work Your your your your homeboys girlfriend. Yeah I think like a four out of five is a Girl that you would hang out one-on-one or like your bestie is like, you know a five out of five or best friend Like it's not common. Yeah, I mean, I think for a lot of guys Most of their closest friends are guys, but then they might have a lot of girls who are at the two or three They might hang out at events together. They do trust each other They can be honest with each other Maybe they throw like the combined like Christmas parties together and stuff like that But yeah, you're not hanging out one-on-one going on like solo trips together and stuff like that I think it is very very very very tough for men and women to be best friends But we'll get into it. So yeah, and we're not talking about people who are married by the way We're talking about, you know singles generally dating outside of the marriage fear. I will say this I would say it's almost like it's not It's almost like having a six-foot guard be your lead scorer, you know Jalen Brunson friends They in fleet where they're dropping like 35 a game. That's like it's rare You ain't seen it happen. It's not common It's just not common in the NBA to have that scheme and that's not common in life to have that scheme point number two Andrew It's tough, especially if you are a guy who generally has trouble dating Yeah, this is a big so this is part of the big debate right now where it's like hey guys like I want to have like Female friends because I'm gonna learn how to like talk to women and she's gonna introduce me to other women First of all, you should not only be in a friendship for that expectation. Yeah, how's that even gonna work? Yeah, I'll tell you this Spoiler alert, it's not gonna work as well as you think but anyways at the end of the day like if you're a guy who Has trouble dating and even finding women that you want to spend time with you pouring your effort and time into a platonic female friendship and Having that kind of fill that void is not necessarily a service to you Yeah, I think sometimes and I'm not saying 10 out of 10, but a lot of these guys Maybe they're using their platonic relationship with the female as a substitution For like the actual thing that they actually wanted which was a romantic and friendship relationship with one girl They're just like taking half of the equation as a To settle you're right. That's definitely not the right way to do it Like you said don't expect to do that But maybe sometimes these guys need like tips from like their female friends to actually try to get at a girl that they Want to yeah for sure for sure I think it depends when you're coming in with a scarcity mind set an abundance mindset and perhaps That's why the man is fear is so like big on this topic is because they're trying to caution Against one of the examples that we just had but obviously like we said it's not 10 out of 10 all fitting into that scheme Um moving on to number three Andrew It's especially tough if you're in the friend zone that's sort of related to number two Why is that because this is like where the man is fear is like concentrating all its advice right to sort of prevent This thing from happening. Well, yeah, I mean obviously there's a lot to talk on the internet about the friend zone We even made a video about it a long time ago But I think the friend zone is dangerous and because it it tricks the girl out to thinking that she has a trustworthy Platonic male friend when secretly the guy like you know You're trying to get with her or you would really be down for it versus and then also it doesn't help the guy Ever get really what he wants because it rarely does it ever work out So it kind of is like kind of gets into this messy situation where it can get creepy and stuff like that You hear stories from girls at the time be like, yeah, he was my friend But then he like kept like hitting on me and kept sending me these messages. So I just had to distance myself Obviously, that's not a five out of five. Yeah, I guess all right And I'm not saying that this is true or not Do girls have any responsibility to identify guys that are in their friend zone? Because I noticed that there's girls that are like completely unaware that they're friends on a guy And there's other girls that are like super cognizant of it But no, they definitely have a responsibility. I know girls who's Purposely put dudes in friend zones just for like their benefit or whatever, you know But it goes both ways though Like there's guys who like accept to be in the friend zone just so they can get the girls benefit But then girls put guys in the friend zone so the girls can get the guys benefit But it's just it's just a bad toxic situation because like it gets awkward Like when someone confesses their feelings for one another and it's just it's just all bad Yo, actually so for me a red flag of a woman that I'm trying to date is that she purposely has friend zone A guy. I don't like that. Like I don't like that. She did that because I think that's kind of scheming Like if she found out that he had more feelings and was like, hey, I'm sorry. We have to distance ourselves That's like the more responsible way to do it. Just straight up cut them off versus if she's like, yeah I know he's in the friend zone and I'm like Well, what are you gonna do about it? I think when both parties like let's just say for example, and there's this example There's a male and a female they're both like actors and actresses So they're both highly desirable people if they're both friend zone each other That's a lot different than one party having a lot more leverage than the other friend zone or the other And number two, and what's the cuddle buddy situation because this is like All right A lot of people were talking about how there's this middle area called the cuddle buddy where it's like You get close to the girl you get to hug her and maybe cuddle with her like legitimately cuddle You guys get to release oxytocin together But she's controlling it and being like no like we're not romantically involved and I'm not we're not Going to go further than this. I mean this is this is kind of Nell is like shocked. No, what? I know is the girl in the driver's seat for this. Yes I would say the girl is in the driver's seat In the terms of friend zone situations nine out of ten times. Yeah, I'm not saying ten out of ten You know, there's always exceptions to girls only be agreeing to this cuddle buddy thing That do be simp it for those dudes Who'll be agreeing to that? It could be a good or bad, but for the guy, but maybe they Maybe it's an even exchange. Anyways, we'll get into it guys. Um, number four It is tough to be friends with women if you are both attracted to each other So this is different than the friend zone because friend zone is usually one way or the other Um, but this is when both are actually like looking at each other and always kind of like, yeah Well, if the time was right or we had enough drinks I don't know. I just say you with me I think if both people are attracted to each other That's already you've already taken it out of platonic zone completely when it's one sided It's friend zone right either way and I think the only way that a truly platonic relationship Can work between a man and a woman on any sort of sustained consistent basis in my opinion Is when there's literally no attraction to each other. Oh when you're like I'm gonna you can't just be one or the other it can't be definitely both like each other It literally has to be both not like you know, you know working hard on proactively not liking each other Here's what the girl should say she says. Oh, no, he's not even my type or I don't even find him attractive Or the guy has to say like nah Like uh, sarah's cool. She's my friend, but I don't even find her cute Like they almost have to literally say that to themselves because if there is that physical attraction And they're friends then all it needs to do is just it's it's just a volcano waiting to erupt Oh 100 100 I mean I feel like that's why people can be and everybody's family structure is different Like the ones are born into but like it's easy to be friends with your cousin If your cousin is from an opposite gender because it's like well, we're family is all good Right and that which brings us to point number five. It is tough Especially when you get older to make new friends with the opposite sex like past college If you didn't grow up with these people if they're not part of your family obviously or if you didn't even like uh If there's not some type of like deeper bond that you guys share together It is tough to make new men and women friends because everybody got their life going on Dude, it's even harder to just make like just friends in general even of your same gender as you get older I think life is just more complicated. There's a lot more at stake things become a lot more transactional than versus when you're young So you throw the gender Difference on top of that it becomes even more complicated, right? I'm saying it's complicated to have just any new friends in your world Right. Yeah, you're right and this applies to just even just any type of friendship And because relationships friendships, they are they're they're very similar, right? Um, but I would say a tip for this is like if you want to be friends With a girl like have some type of activity that you guys come together and hang out Together to do not just like meet up at the bar and have drinks because maybe meeting up at the bar and having drinks That's something you got to reserve for dates With women that you're trying to date or that you're pursuing versus like friends So it's kind of like if you do an activity whether you hike or do a martial arts or you go running together You kind of get that dual purpose in there together so that you exercise together and you guys hang out So I think that's very important and that girl also goes for friendships with guys too I just think in general Time gets a lot shorter So people are a lot more selective with who they're even just generally friends with at all But I did notice like people that are in the military They they could sort of break free from this convention that we just said like where you're past 30 It's like if you guys are really on some sort of crazy project together That could be the bonding thing that creates like new childhood tier type bonds later in life when you're obviously in the military They're going on like crazy serious missions together. You know what I mean? So I think that that there can be Catalytic experiences later in life, but it's just more rare right point number six I would just say it's tough when it's clear. There's not an Equal exchange of value between the friends now I know that this is going to sound that line sounds very transactional But let's be real and let's just be honest friends should add to each other's life and it can be in different ways It's not only like oh she has this job She hooks me up with This product like I don't know men's skincare because you work for a skincare brand And then I hook her up with this like there has to be some type of value Exchange where you can actually name it out like I was talking to one of our other friends And I was like, oh you have a platonic friend like what do you do for her? And what does she do for you as friends and you're like, oh, well I listen to her vent and I give her perspective. I'm a good listener And then in return she helps throws like parties and she's very social and I get to go to those parties So there is some type of exchange. Oh, yeah, you talking about fred Yeah, right here. We're talking about fred behind the camera right here We're talking to discussing one of his platonic Yeah, yeah, I was saying fred but just because people can't see fred So I just said a friend off camera. But yeah, fred's over there. Yeah, I think that it is true Would you agree with me guys that like And like don't get mad at me guys Men and women typically live different lives The structure of life is pretty different. So theoretically when people live a different structure of life They have I guess like different values and perspectives Yeah, different values different perspectives and and there's two things right So you could say one that doesn't align so that makes it difficult for us to be friends But to your point about fred andrew they they offer something different that they can give to each other To create the friendship, right, right, right? So there just has to be some type of I guess exchange. It's kind of like a lot of people are like, oh friends with like their business partner or some I don't know. You just have to be getting something out of it. Okay And you have to be able to name it in your mind Actually, you have to verbally be able to say what you get from them Yeah, and we're not talking about friends with benefits guys We're talking about friendship the benefits of friendship Moving on to number seven guys, um It's also really difficult for men and women to have platonic friends And I think that there's a reason why this discussion is always going so viral And there's all these mo s's about it because a lot of people somehow they don't have an open dialogue or honesty In the their relationship. Yeah. Yeah, and I think that obviously A friendship is like any relationship, right? There's boundaries There's commitments if one person is always trying to see the other person When they're in town, but the other person doesn't put in effort. Are you really friends? Um, and you know a lot of friends own relationships Exactly guy is going to be hitting up the girl to hang out and the girl's like, yeah, I will And also like can you Um, I got to say this though One thing that I think is a true platonic relationship is if like let's say for example Yeah, your friends with this girl and you guys are like four out of five or three out of five tier friends And then she gets in a relationship and it goes down to one out of five Nobody is sad about it because some people were saying I knew I knew this one guy who was like, yeah, man I like this girl and then she friends on me and then I just was her friend and I was like, okay I'll just accept it. I'll be her friend and then she got a boyfriend And then I almost dropped off the map and it's almost like I got broke up with twice Oh man, that's tough. Yeah, I mean and I think that that's why if you're truly good friends If you're truly at least the three out of five level friend or higher You got to almost be able to say like hey I can't care about like the girl like you almost got to have that talk like hey, you know I'm sorry like dating rob and like, you know, we're just I just can't hang out as much and that's fine And if you accept that as a guy and you're like, okay, that's cool Like that doesn't bother me. I get it because she only has so much time in the world Like because you do that with your guy friends if your your guy friend gets into a Relationship with a girl you have to understand that they're not going to be kicking it with the guys and Exactly There's many scenarios like that for both parties, you know for a guy or a girl that you cannot hang out Or talk to a lot with the opposite sex the opposite sex friend Yeah, but because everybody's like just got a time schedule that they got to divvy up, right? Yeah, and I think as long as you're clear about that like a bro, you know I got to spend time with sarah, you know, it's saturday. So sorry. I can't come out to this thing Anyways guys, uh, the last point that we're going to get to before we get into our overall takeaways is And this is a big one because this is what a lot of the debate online was about. Um, it's just tough If you rely on that female for advice about other women Like you should not go into a friendship expecting that you are going to crack the code Of like, I guess dating women by just being friends with a woman and also I think there's also a sense that maybe like Not all the time, but like the advice that you get from women is not always, uh, the most I guess effective advice That's what a lot of people are saying. We got to talk about this I would say this if you're still in the phase where you're like going out and you're maybe, um Trying to meet a lot of women and you're trying to date a lot and figure it out I definitely think that the advice that you're Platonic girlfriend gives you may not be fully applicable, right? Because they themselves don't go out and I guess like They they never lived that situation But I do think if you're in a long-term committed relationship with your girlfriend and you have a platonic friend She could like maybe coach you through some of the things that your your significant other is feeling Yeah, that you might not be in tune with but in terms of like going out to like the club No Yeah, yeah, I think it does depend on on what you're talking about So like if you have a platonic girlfriend and you're out dating a lot and that's like your goal That's what you want out of life right now and uh, then in that female friend cannot support you in that or cannot Add any perspective like just understand that and just understand why all right What do you guys think about girls always being like i'm the best wing woman? I am such a big good wing woman for my friends. I find that when women say that I would say nine out of ten times They just making that up. I've definitely heard success stories And I do know some women who are really good wing women for their friends, but it's it's not common It is not common and depending on what world you work in like let's be honest Because if you're in like night life or like she's a bartender or a bottle girl Or she knows a bunch of other girls that are very social like that That's probably more how it works, you know, she would it though, man Yeah, definitely wing woman in terms of approaching like a random girl in public probably not but I've definitely seen it Like you said through networks. Yeah, um, I think the best way is that a woman is like Hey, I have a friend that wants to meet you or you should meet like sometimes that's worked out like matchmaking That's more matchmaking than wing womaning. You know what I mean? There's a difference between those two and I think we have to be clear when people when people say wing woman It's like they can help you get You know late with that. Yeah But like not like because like a lot of girls can introduce you to like their female friends But that doesn't necessarily mean they'll go somewhere. Yeah, that's a good point Yeah, it's nuanced a lot of people like you said, you know, there's disagreement on terminology Generally your responsibility as a guy is like you you gotta more know what you're looking for out of life But anyways, uh, let's talk about our takeaways guys. Hopefully that list was helpful David, what is your overall takeaway about this whole debate? You know, it's it's been on tv Men and women can't be friend. It's crazy how trendy it is because not only have gender differences always existed Right stand-up comedy in the 70s and 80s was primarily about the differences between men and women And it seems like it's like 40 years later and I don't know if it's it's probably to be honest Due to changing gender roles in society and a lot of macro movements that didn't exist 10 years ago It just feels like why is this topic so trendy right now because there's so many There's entire channels that are dedicated to asking these questions that were in a book like 50 60 years ago I think it's because a lot of people who watch videos and look for advice on the internet They want the yes or no question. They want the yes or no answer, right? They're just like oh make it easy for me. Oh men and women can't be friends. Good I'll just never think about having a female friend now obviously down But I think that's why our conversation is important because we're just we're explaining to you why it's tough And the things that you probably need to get over About yourself and her in your guys's situation in order for you guys to actually be good friends, you know But I also think again, I stand by I think it's tough to be best friends It is tough if that if that bond is not forged in fire over years and years, you know I absolutely think long story short like my major takeaway is that like people do need female energy in their life And they need women that are really respectable and and have a high position and whether it's your mother Whether it's your cousin whether it's your sister whether it's like a you know I mean auntie like somebody is is very very very important to have that But in terms of like the situations that a lot of guys I guess majority of the times find themselves in and this is obviously not all but like, you know type of Lopsided situations. Those are probably not ideal I think it's uh, it's not impossible for you know, a male and female to be friends or best friends or like, you know Like you say, you know the levels between one two three four or five But it's just very difficult just like we talked about to have A four or five four out of five or five out of five, you know male female best friend or friend because you know There's a lot of a lot of things that go into every scenario and environment. It's just it's complicated Listen to be best friends with someone is Still a relationship It's still a plant you have to constantly water. You still have to ask yourself like hey How does this person respond? When I hit them up to hang out And if that person is kind of like avoiding you or just being like, yo, I got other things to do You're probably not five out of five friends. You're not that good of a friend You know what I'm saying? So I think you just have to understand what you're getting out of the relationship friendship Because relationship is They're all they're all similar So I say you have to understand what you're getting out of it and what you want and your expectations And then you know, I think moving forward from that you probably can be some level of friends But anyways guys, we're just encouraging the dialogue. I think the more healthy discussion There is about this is going to be good because it's crazy right now city boys versus city girls They turn it into a whole meme to a tv show to a cultural movement. You would not believe you know what? I don't like to see I don't like to see a video like this sharing the nuance and actually being helpful Not get as many views as some clip of some guy and girl being like, no, you can't be friends Oh, no, I used to friends on this person because people like that kind of content bombastic Lopsided. Yeah, maybe if we had like a couple hot chicks in this video talking about this too Maybe we get more views too. Well, guess what? We're just three intelligent guys All right, so hopefully that conversation was helpful to you all But thank you so much for watching. Let us know in the comments down below what you think can men and women be friends And at what level let's be honest. There are different levels of friendship I think that is one of our main points and also let us know why are these topics trending for like the next decade Maybe until we figure it out or not. Let us know till next time. We the hot pop boys. We out. Peace