 Hey there friends, how's it going? My name is Kevin and today we're playing some bit life and you know I decided to give myself a challenge I can actually do because last time I tried to be a sugar baby and now some dude's baby is dead! Oh! If I keep doing that I'm gonna be deceased Alright, we're gonna be me and I'm gonna be me, I wouldn't make you be me that would be cruel and unusual punishment Alright, I come from Ireland so far, I think very well Cork, first name Kevin, second name, call me Oh, you didn't know that was my full name? Ow! Jesus, pay attention, select your appearance Oh, that already looks so much like me There we go, Kevin called me as created and now attributes, athleticism Wow, what a putt That's a zero No, you know what? I should put them all to 50% so I'm not giving myself any advantage or disadvantage Oh god, I feel like health shouldn't be at 50% but we're rolling with it, we're rolling with it Hey, why did you start my looks at... Why? Come on, dude Start Kevin's life Fantastic My papa is a magician One of these days he's gonna make me disappear Your gums hurt Oh, they do, thankfully, this game understands me At last, what would I chew on? I feel like if I was a baby I'd be chewing on my mother's cell phone Yep, my happiness got a nice healthy boost there 51% My smarts went down a percent, unfortunately Oh, now I get lunch, watching Curious George His life is the best, this is the best version of me Can I eat your phone, please? No, I can Family vacation, I'll definitely complain but go You know, I'm grateful little brat and then he loved it I'm loving this, but I'm not happy about it Your classmate Ryan has been telling everyone in social media that you were a teacher's pet Second bastard, look at him Don't look shocked, yeah, I'm talking about you Well, Ryan, I'm gonna do nothing about it Social media Your mother and father have divorced Well, in the end, my dad was a magician He disappeared from our lives One day, the trick will wear off Oh, my God, I just got a really mean stepfather I'm just gonna call him Guy Oh, my God, he's so old F, oh, my God, F in the chat, boys I can't see the other letter, where is it? Oh, my God, it was an E He looks so miserable, I don't wear glasses Should I get glasses just so that I fit in with my bit life character? I can really commit to this I could go to, like, Comic-Con Cosplaying as myself from bit life Aw, this would make me happier But there's no way I would have went to the local pool with a kid from my neighborhood and his brother Oh, my God, I'm fucking miserable I'm depressed, age 15 This is sounding really real now This is too realistic This is like a dramatic reenactment of my childhood Oh, my God, someone's trying to kiss me, run away Oh, my God, I finished school I should have left it a bit earlier if it wanted to be historically accurate But I'm done school and my health is at 0% My happiness is at 12 And I don't look great Maybe it's the glasses, they don't suit me Right, guys? Right? Alright, well, fuck getting a job I'm gonna become a YouTuber Hold on, I'm gonna try this for a few years I signed up for a YouTube account and I'm already happier It was meant to be You're depressed, your therapist just turns to you Have you tried, like, just creating a YouTube account? Like, don't make any content You don't need any subs or anything Just literally sign up and you will get a boost of happiness I'm gonna post a gameplay video Gaming You post a gaming video A Mortal Kombat No, Kevin, mistake All you do is mash the same move over and over and over again and hope you win Oh, my God, solitaire I'm really going for the trending stuff, aren't I? Well, actually, that's accurate I don't really play the trending stuff usually Don't let Gypsy fall down a hole, babe Aw, people just don't like me Well, to be fair, I got a 100% sub rate I got two views and two subscribers Alright, well, since my parents are divorced I'm gonna pit them against each other My mom gave me 61 euros Okay, I love my dad more My father gave me 54 Okay, I love my mom more than Sorry, dad Oh, my God, I'm literally getting two views on everything It's just those two subs from earlier They're very committed to watching my stuff They watch them all but no one else does At least I'm no longer depressed I made a video on Oregon Trail and I feel fine now Oh, no, my mistake I've been thinking a lot lately about why baseball managers wear the same uniform as the players and now I'm cured of depression There we go, now I'm on to Call of Duty Now we're up in the double digits, boys Oh, my God, this is not really working out Like, my start on YouTube was very slow also I don't make a good first impression if you're new here Oh, hello But our virtual pretend, Kevin, is even worse No one has any interest in them And it's all with the same 13 views And YouTube doesn't really, you know, stop the view count and check if they're legit until there's a good view I think So this is probably realistically all me Yes, we're back on card This rakes in the subscribers Look at that I don't even know what that number is Never seen it before Grand Theft Auto, yes, we're on the right track Ho-ho What am I gonna do for 100? I'm gonna do something special for 100 subs Oh, wait, no one's subbed for that one Okay, well, not a great choice in game, Kevin Oh, God, how do you basketball? Okay, it's running the opposite way All right, we're gonna do a special video What do people wanna see me do? I think for my 100 sub special video I will make a political video Oh, my God, people actually love that So, politics That person you like? Love him I love the policy That part you like about the part? I love it I voted for them too Please subscribe All right, Kevin, now that you've finally made it Unfortunately, this is the part of your life Where you just delete your account I know, I know, it's hard But this is the part where you decide retail Is a better job for you Maybe I should have checked retail was there first Before deleting my channel Maybe I should have got the job first Oh, cashier, okay, I completely missed that Which of these Star Wars characters do you relate to most? I hadn't even watched Star Wars by then I still haven't seen most of them Oh, I'm not gonna admit that Though everyone gets really annoyed when I say that By the way, I've seen them all and I love them all Except for the ones you don't like I don't like those either Yes, they got hired I said BB-8 I think he's the little ball one Okay, now we're gonna work here for like three years And throw rocks at a rabid bracoon in my garden You're gonna go clubbing at that All right, Cocture Disco Our little virtual Kevin has found a lady friend At the library Why did I be at the library when I can't read? Oh, well, I'm happy Her cries are not as really low Oh, my God, we love going to Cocture Disco And I feel like clubbing I don't like it, though You find some nitrous oxide in your desk drawer At work with a note saying You look like you could use this Okay, I could definitely use this, I guess I tried nitrous oxide Wait, oh, I didn't tell you to like actually use it I just told you to take it All right, this is the power I leave my job Resign Again, before I even start the channel, I'm just resigning Sign up for a YouTube, new account All right, Kevin, let's put that retail experience to work Let's make a video about vlog yourself Wow, everyone hated that I just go back to gaming No, people don't like that either Okay, now I'm in trouble Why did I delete my old account? All right, we're gonna have to diversify If we're getting into the social medias I'm gonna sign up for all of them This is such a horrible idea I don't even like social media for the most part All right, here's what we're gonna do I don't care about TikTok Wait, how do I have so many TikTok followers? I kinda care about TikTok now I don't have much money I'm gonna invest all of my money buying followers I got suspended I didn't care about Twitter anyway They just get angry about my fence sitting On politics Oh, by the way, I love that politician That's been doing that work recently Oh, my God, I posted a video of Mary Carrot And they just don't care You need to introduce Turg, dude It's like you're subconscious Introduce Turg, they're gonna love it Past Kevin is just like Introduce Turg, they're gonna love it What is it? Turg Oh, my God, no one wants to watch me Like, not even one person wants to watch me Oh, my God, maybe this virtual Kevin Just isn't good at games like I am Ignore the fact that Cezera wins Don't look at that Do a challenge video instead Or you know what? There's gotta be higher odds of the bit life videos doing well Damn narcissistic bit life video game Nine views, wow That's a new record on the new channel Oh, my God, this is so depressing How is he not depressed? Alright, time for first trap photos There you go You post a photo on Instagram You're self wearing sexy underwear While holding a gun I think I'd get arrested, dude You can't do that sort of stuff in Ireland Thou shalt not show chest What platform should I actually concentrate on here? Because YouTube is not working Someone called Lucy600 Post a venomous reply to your Instagram post And one of me in weird underwear and holding a gun Come meet me in person then I'll bring my gun Oh, they refused A job No, I'm a social media wizard Oh, no, this is getting sad Now I'm up to my actual age And this shows what the odds were Of me actually becoming somewhat successful on YouTube Very slim There's a lot of alternate reality Kevin's out there that are just miserable Some of them even wear glasses It's wild Tiktok, by followers Maybe be a bit more subtle this time Instead of getting 5,000 right off the back Give me 500 But still no one's watching it Like they are bots at the end of the day Maybe I need some sort of a hook Maybe if I look a bit weird That might help Man, that's interesting I might do that myself And we're gonna dye it like any good gamer YouTuber would do There we go Green That's what Jack did and it worked for him And don't worry, I'm not scared if he gets angry in front of me Cause I got my antiseptic cream Alright, tiktok time Now I look cool Do a dance It didn't work You and your stepsister, Laura I have a stepsister? Oh my god, this is not working This is just... Oh my god They changed my username to StinkyPinky Now I'm never gonna make it Oh, and now my girlfriend wants to break up with me Because I have too much baggage I literally have no baggage I am an empty vessel, I do nothing I just stand there flossing all day Hoping people will follow me Oh yes, I begged her to stay and she stayed with me Okay, now break up with her Oh no, that's my sister, hold on Break up Yeah, bye-bye Alright, what jobs could I get? There's gotta be someone who wants a 30-year-old person who's never worked I'm a magician, just like a papa Or I could be a nun They also believe in magic Help me, I'm a magician Denied Why? Alright, nun, will you take me in? Ah, I have to go back to retail I really don't want to go back to retail It's the scary Potter characters Do you relate to most? Where am I getting a job? Why do they keep asking me stuff like this? Nothing about my work ethic Or what I can bring to the company Where do you see yourself in five years? Just like, defends yourself a bit of a dobby, do ya? Supervisor has asked to watch a movie under the stars? Let's fucking do it, dude You gotta try and work your way up here You've got a really late start You're 32 when it's basically your first real job Oh god damn it, I forgot I spent the last ten years inside so I have zero personality She didn't enjoy my company at all I got unbend and I still have all my fake followers Fantastic Reply to a celebrity Compliment David Beckham He's not replying Bastard Who would reply? Who has enough time in their hands? Billy Ray Cyrus He's got nothing going on, surely He didn't reply Damn it, I guess he has done a lot of covers of Old Town Road I posted a picture of my nasty drink on Twitter And it got zero likes I wonder why Lucy 600, it's been years It's back off Just leave me alone I'm saving money at least Should I try and actually like move out? Alright, oh my gosh The prices of these places I could buy a trailer Our tiny house for slightly more I'm gonna go with the trailer Oh no I've got a fever Go to the doctor The common cold Oh great Now I look like an idiot I mean that's because of the stylistic choices I've made in life But like I feel like an idiot too You give up on the solitaire You tried it a decade ago And it didn't work then It's not gonna work now I've 666 followers on TikTok I feel like I'm cursing off already Trying to get some more followers I've managed to get two out of three posts I've got two new followers They must be so low quality Because he's just spitting them out Oh my god, Lucy What is wrong with you? People love pets Get an exotic pet That'll be interesting Yeah, Mufasa A black panther Named Mufasa He's not happy and he's not healthy Buy him anyway Alright, now I can make pet videos At least seven subs It's gonna bring in more people Like I bought a black panther Would surely bring in more than six people Oh my god I've made another solitaire video And I lost subscribers Dude, when will you get it through? Your thick green-haired skull No one is interested in solitaire Wait Oh my god Oh no I thought I gained 12 subs for something there But I re-read it And he played solitaire again I lost 12 subs I'm going into the negative After this year I've actually lost more followers than I've gained Every video I make A ton of people on sub What? What? No No I was losing all my subs I went all the way down to like 40 And then my YouTube account was suspended But why? I told him I'm confused And I don't know why it's suspended And they just continued to suspend me They didn't Oh my god I'm devastated Well Guess it's a life of crime for me then I'm gonna burgle a home A local politician But the one you hate Him? Hate that guy I hate him I'm gonna burgle him Cause I hate him Just like you do We've so much in common Oh no Oh no Oh no Oh good thing I'm a gamer For the last 30 years of my life And I packed my way out of there 834 bucks Life of crime is way more rewarding I'm gonna make a TikTok about my haul Can I actually do that? Can I do a haul video? No I can only do that on YouTube But they banned me Oh my god We've fasted out of the cage And it has taken 53 minutes To get him back into the cage Reward him For going back in To just be thankful he didn't maul yet I'll tell you one thing Kevin You're not a YouTuber But you're also not a Tiger King Oh my god I went viral I did a ludicrous skit video I posted on TikTok I got 1,100 followers Oh my god This is Oh I'm so overwhelmed I'm gonna do I'm gonna floss for that Oh yes Oh my god now no one likes me Oh my god I peaked I peaked It was over so fast Well back to crime it is then Someone's gonna feed me faster Oh no Oh no Dude run Dude run Dude run Yes we gotta away with it Oh I got a lot of money too I could do with a car Maybe I should steal a car first Uhh A Honda Civic Oh no the owner confronted me He charged me Back handed my nose and bit my chin Kinky Oh I'm getting money to promote something I hope they know like 5,000 of those accounts were bought Except the offer And a spiritual Turk Replied my tweet saying I look sinister Ask him to meet me in person I'd love to meet Turk in person A bit of nightmares of that Subscribe if you enjoy Lucy600 is just obsessed with me It has been like two decades of trolling now What are you doing steps sis Maybe I should check in with you Ask for money Oh god damn it screw you anyway I don't wanna talk to you Not talking 37 years And there's no point starting now My dad gave me money at least I hope they're really rich Cause they should be dying pretty soon So that'll be nice Oh I love interest She's 46 Is that kind of my age I've lost track I'm gonna have a girlfriend to provide for now At this point I think she's gonna have to provide for me I'm really doubling down on this TikTok career idea And it's not working Okay at least I got out of there I ran at the dog trying to steal it I just saw an icon and I ran at it Maybe try and steal a car again Ford Mustang Oh no I got confronted again He crushed my fist At least they don't like turn me in or anything I guess they just feel bad for me Oh my god she's breaking up Oh my god this has been such a tough few decades It's been four decades of misery You're Black Panther Mufasa is launching at you every time you're near his cage A reward He's gonna kill me I'm gonna troll someone back Oh and now he's asked me to come meet him in person Go meet him He snapped your throat Huh Alright that's it I'm getting away from these internet trolls I'm getting plastic surgery Penis enlargement That should trick them Alright I just spent all of my money on different types of surgeries So my looks are great And now I'm gonna make it on TikTok Oh my god they all hate me Crime it is Oh my god my YouTube account got unbanned Fantastic All my 39 subs must have been worried sick about me Let's do a vlog I lost four subs Alright well his work life has just been horrible Maybe we can find him happiness at least on like a dating app or something Let's try that Alright he's dating someone Oh my god she immediately wants to break up This is depressing honestly It's because I claim to see ghosts Insult her if you don't believe in ghosts Inheritance I mean God my dad dead no Oh my stepfather also died Knee left me nothing Skip his funeral Maybe I can make a vlog about his funeral Oh my god he looks so creepy He looks like a Walmart version of the Joker A facelift Well it has the clown one that'll do Your ex-girlfriend Isabel wants to get back together with you She says she doesn't need a reason of Lisa What? A final restraining order She wants to get back together again Didn't we? You know what? Fine Just take whatever you can get dude You're really struggling in this life No! Mufasa! He's dead He died from complications associated with this temper Me or him? Oh my god she wants to break up Make up your mind Alright I'm 52 and my YouTube career I'm beginning to believe isn't gonna work out You know what? It's time to get revenge Against all those who have slighted me Especially you Steps this low right? You look miserable I missed the headbutt Okay well now that's just embarrassing Now we have to murder her You know what? I have money Maybe I should hire a hitman It might be if it's safer Wait what? Ex-husband? Oh ex's husband I was like I don't remember that I surely would have made a TikTok about it Alright well you know what? If they left me they shouldn't be happy either Let's do it That seems a bit too cheap But let's go with it Here's another car and cop Oh my god I'm going to jail Maybe if I spend all my money Going with Kevin and associates This sounds like money laundering I'll get out of it Yes I got out of it Fantastic I had a talk with my co-worker And she attacked me Why does everyone hate me? I was probably non-stop talking about My successful TikTok account I've been working on it for five decades now And it really shows I just have such a knowledge of the platform I don't understand I'm just generally confused Alright Kevin I have a feeling at age 60 It might be time to admit That this YouTube and TikTok thing Isn't going anywhere Maybe we should try and get Some education to get a real job It's still not too late Graduated from community college Okay go to university Engineering Oh my god I just realized I didn't sign up for university I clicked on it but I didn't have enough money And then I just skipped the year And oh my god I'm wasting my life away Now I'm worried about that Forget about the years I spent Flossing on TikTok and it going nowhere Alright let's get a quick job To hold me over for a year No one wants me For some reason people don't want a person Who had a gap of 50 years in their resume I can afford university now I'm going into computer science I have a very good understanding of technology Having used TikTok for the past 50 years I'm going to pay with cash Leaving you at $600 Thank god I don't have a Mufasa defeat anymore Lately I've been contemplating Whether I prefer my hypothetical mermaid wife To be a human on the top half or the bottom half Jesus Christ dude You're an absolute disaster of a human Look at you You still haven't even given up on the green Computer programmer And you consider yourself to be a good listener Yes I'm a great writer Why do you want this job? I can thrive in this position Yes I got an even better job at binary foods 110101 There we go it all paid off 60 years of TikToking And I just earned 11 euros By promoting a new brand of sushi Like I'm 75 I don't know whether it's just sad Or I've crossed the line into like Adorable old man At this point flossing on TikTok For the past 60 years Oh it sounds like hell Elton John begin following you on Twitter Oh my god this is my moment How are you still even alive? You were old when I was born And now you're still alive when I'm 79 years old Alright Kevin this is clearly going nowhere Your job is a dead end Your TikTok is failing Your body is failing You're 81 years old We can go after Liam again Look for a hit man An undercover call I don't have the money to get out of this this time Oh 15 years Oh I can't even get reception in here for TikToks I'm gonna cry Cry baby Wait what did it say about my tears there? The prisoner's what? Time to escape we can do this There we go we got out I'm on the run Quick make a TikTok about it This'll make national news Alright I'm gonna do the cinnamon challenge I mean while the cops are trying to find me Just escape from prison I feel like what I did was a lot Like it could put me down in the history books Like I escaped from jail and started making TikToks At least it'll be like remember the time That dude escaped from prison And kept doing the cinnamon challenge But I feel like I need to make a bigger statement So I'm gonna try and rob a bank I'm in a Minecraft helmet I'm a gamer And I'm getting away on rollerblades I was caught What a surprise 37 years Well may as well have a little cry The leader of the local chapter Of the wrinkly sneaks prison gang Has approached you and asked you to join Sure compliment ripe Sean What kind of a nickname is that? Oh my why are you all attacking me For complimenting you That's it I'm trying to escape again I'm like 90 Oh wait what if I start a riot That could put me in the history books Oh my god I'm playing snake What the hell is this I like to think this is just a giant conga line of prisoners Got 10 Yes get them Get them boys riot You started a riot You've been beaten by the prison guards They squeezed your eyelid and bashed your chest Fantastic Can I escape now? God damn it I got caught All right A job we'll try again next year No we won't because I'm dead Oh I didn't even get to make a TikTok about my escape Oh I guess that just shows what the odds were of me actually turning out okay as a human And yes I qualify this is okay But I appreciate you watching We both do Maybe next time we'll do some solitary you know To keep it really interesting Thank you very much for watching Appreciate you and I hope to see you tomorrow Bye for now