 Does he have victor consciousness or victim consciousness? Victim consciousness people are All right, Stephanie writes question How do you know if you can trust a guy? Are there clear signs to know? Um, I think trust isn't just about fidelity trust is can I count on this person caring about my feelings as much as I care about my own so Okay, here's a couple ways to check. Okay First does his action? Consistently matches words. Does his action consistently matches words number two Does he have victor consciousness or victim consciousness? Victim consciousness people are those people that Oftentimes throw their ex-partner under the boss and they take no ownership as to why their past Relationships have failed now. We all have reasons why we could have been with a partner that didn't work out But if we don't take ownership on our own part, that's a sign of victim consciousness and not victor consciousness Okay, number three. He knows how to fight fair and what I mean is he has good communication active listening skills and when there's a disagreement He listens to your point of view and accepts your point of view is being true for you Unlike Weijin's guy that we just talked about Number four, he has empathy empathy isn't that you can just feel someone's feelings empathy as you genuinely Care about someone else's feelings and more importantly you have empathy for yourself and lastly you are Transparent again, I said if it's material to the relationship, you're going to speak up those five signs of emotional maturity are good Starting point to pay attention if it's someone you can actually trust I think You know when I think of my partner and by the way, there's a picture of her and I there We went out with her girlfriend and her his boy for her boyfriend For dinner and by the way, I'm a big advocate for spending time with other your partner's friends And she's met many of my friends. I've met some of her friends now I'm talking we're talking about me meeting her bestie bestie who's a guy that she's known 40 years. No No Yeah, 40 plus years so they literally I think they met in grade school or something like that but my point is is I Get a sense. I can trust her but part of that is because we've been radically honest with one another We've been vulnerable. We've been authentic. We've been transparent. We've laid our cards on the table Now here's the thing some people need to be concerned. I didn't I dress this earlier? What I didn't do in this relationship is we haven't loved bombed each other love bombing is a way to create false trust Let me repeat that love bombing creates false trust love bombing looks like this. Oh my god You're so amazing. You're the most amazing person on the planet. I can see it Spending our futures together. Oh my god This is just so different than everything else and you let your guard down thinking that this person's legitimate Love bombing creates a false sense of trust Real trust is being radically honest and vulnerable with one another look at with my girlfriend And I'm by the way, the only reason why I don't share her name is she has privacy too And I don't want people to infringe upon her privacy. I know someone complained. Why didn't you share a name? Until she let allows me I'm not going to do that But in our particular case, we really got vulnerable with our past Relationships, I mean we really shared the good the bad and the ugly about our past relationships So we could give insight into how we operate Potentially in our future relationships I think you have to look backward to be able to get a sense of who a person is and by the way You almost have to be a detective these days to really and you have to understand human behavior That's why I recommend a plethora of books So you can understand human behavior Because especially two books that I recommend habitually is Getting the oh here it is getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen hunch And also attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller This is two great books to understand and the Hoffman process to understand human behavior Because if you don't understand human behavior, you're going to potentially make terrible choices in your life Especially when it comes to the area of trust My girlfriend has done life spring, which is uh, I think it's a derivative of est that started back in the 70s I've done the Hoffman process. I've done insight. I've done warrior weekend Thankfully, we've done a lot of introspective work Because it's going to be hard to choose people to trust unless you've been radically honest and vulnerable with one another And it means unpacking your past. Now. I know a lot of dating coaches will tell you to never do that But there's a reason why we're at we're at and if you don't understand someone's past it's like It's like voting for a politician and not finding out their voting history Not just to just listen. I can't stand every politician on the planet But I'm using that you want to see their voting history to see what kind of person they might be in the future This is why you look at a resume. You look at their past job experiences. You you look at their schooling We have to look at the past to get a sense of who this person is and you have to have a sense of of of of um You know, you have to have a sense of intuitiveness Because most of you guys are winging it You're winging it you operate from the premise that attraction chemistry equals relationship success And I'm here to say do you see attraction is above the water line chemistry Below the water line is shared values blendable lifestyle and emotional maturity until you can figure this shit out You're setting yourself up for failure Focusing on mostly attraction and chemistry. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know So trust You got to dig around you got to unpack someone's past to get any sense of who they are in the future as well as the Those five signs of emotional maturity I suggested and maybe Maybe you have a chance to dive into deeper trust with this person when you can check off all those boxes Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know and schedule a discovery call with me Because maybe I can help you with this a little bit further But this will be a great place to wrap up today folks listen It sucks Because the world is rather dysfunctional it is It's divided country here in the united states. We have a lot of emotionally Constipated human beings. It's not easy. I'm here to promote personal development self-help and spiritual work I'm here to promote my book. What the heck is self love anyway a journey of personal development Self-help and spiritual work. By the way, there's a link below to get all the books. I recommend. Why do I recommend my book? Start someplace in your life to shore up your self love Because whether you meet the right person or not what's most important is the right relationship with yourself That's what my channel is all about Encouraging individual empowerment. So if you don't with you're not with the right guy, you can either walk away By the way, if you ever feel like you need to walk away Read this book too good to leave and too bad to stay. Definitely check out this book Um, I recommend this I just started reading it. So I'm not fully recommending it yet so Oh, I'm ordered a book called sacred partnerships. I'm really it comes in tomorrow. I'm excited about that Anyway, I think you get the gist of where I'm going. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know be empowered in your life. Don't subscribe to the idea that attraction equals relationship success Remember that you need to share the same values You have blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity and watch out for those manipulative men like I talked about today All right, I think this would be a great place to wrap up today. First off You know my rhetoric, please sign up to my youtube channel. Please like this. Please share this with your friends I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic jonathan barrack of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear a pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives