 The Jack Benny program. Benny with Mary Livingston, Rochester, Dennis Day, Bob Crosby and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, immediately after this radio program, Jack does his television show. But meanwhile, let's go out to Jack Benny's house in Beverly Hills. It's morning and he's just finished his breakfast. Did you enjoy your breakfast, Mr. Benny? Oh, yes, it was wonderful. You know, Rochester, I like starting off with that pink grapefruit. Where do those pink grapefruits come from? Florida. Florida? I wonder what makes them pink. When they see the size of our California grapefruit, they blush. Rochester, you're cute. And that was a swell breakfast. Say, Mr. Benny, you've got a little bit of egg on your chin. I have? Give me a spoon. Oh, boss, wipe it off. It's not enough to save. I'm not going to save it. I just didn't want a dirty napkin. You know, our Bendix machines are loaded here. Hello, Polly. Rochester, why does Polly seem afraid of me? Well, you know how you force it. Well, she didn't even worry. This year we're going to buy the eggs. Hello, Polly. Rochester, such a beautiful day. I think I'll go for a walk. You've been taking a lot of walks lately, Mr. Benny. I know. You see, when I left the hospital and went to Palm Springs, the doctor told me I was fine, but I ought to get a little more exercise. How would you like to mow the lawn? Oh, no, I'll walk. Don't be so good to me, you know? I'll see you later. Gee, it's certainly nice out today. Everything looks so beautiful. The air smells so fresh. I feel great since I got out of the hospital. A person doesn't realize that tremendous advance in medical science is made. All those new wonder drugs they've invented are a myosin, or a myseton, cortisone, penicillin, and the four-way cold tablet. Now they've even got a 12-way cold tablet. That's for people who get sick watching three-dimensional pictures. Staying in the hospital sure did me a lot of good. No business, no phone calls. Just wonderful rest and quiet. Doctors wanted me to stay in the hospital a little longer, but I insisted on getting out 20 bucks a day. Fortunately, I was getting 25 from the Blue Cross. I think next week I'll tell them I'm out. Hey, there's that cute little Washburn girl playing with her doll. Hello, Beverly. Oh, hello, Mr. Benny. It's nice to see you out of the hospital. Oh, thank you, Beverly. What did you have? A boy or a girl? No, no, honey. I had the flu. Gee, I didn't know there were boys, girls, and flus. Now, Beverly, you're mixed up. You see, the flu is like a cold. Well, didn't you bring anything from home to the hospital? No. Then they cheated you. Every time my mommy goes, she brings home a baby. She does? Yes. She's such a good customer. Last time they gave her two. Oh, your twin brother. Well, see you later, Beverly. Goodbye. Goodbye, Mr. Benny. Gee, she's cute. Thinking that I had a baby. Imagine me having a baby. I would drive my press agent nuts. That little Beverly is a doll. Her parents named her Beverly because she was born here in Beverly Hills. Her brother's name is Pismo. Oh, boy, this walk is sure making me feel good. I wonder if... Oh, hello, Dennis. You got on top of the morning to the pleasure equal to kissing the Blarney Stone instead of running into the likes of you and maybe wishing you a happy St. Patrick's Day there. Wait a minute, Dennis. Aren't you celebrating St. Patrick's Day a little late? Oh, I forgot about it. Dennis, how could you possibly forget? Everybody was wearing green shirts and green ties and green socks and the women were wearing green dresses and green hats. I thought it was a publicity stunt for chlorophyll. Oh, by the way, Dennis, I'm a little disappointed in you. You didn't come to visit me when I was in the hospital. Well, I couldn't, Mr. Benny. I was sick at the time myself. You were? I didn't know that. Yeah, I'd have a doctor and everything. I felt awful. I had chills and fever and temperature and butterflies in my stomach. No kidding. What'd the doctor do? He told me to stop eating the butterflies. Dennis, come here a minute. If you hit me, I'll tell the Blue Cross you're out of the hospital. Well, goodbye, Dennis. I'll see you later. Wait a minute, Mr. Benny. Don't you want to listen to the song I'm going to do on the show next week? Listen to it here? Here on the street? It'd be embarrassing. Yeah, I guess you're right, Mr. Benny. The last time I sang on the street, people started throwing money out of the windows. Sing, kid. I'll get a broom. Just a minute, Dennis. 65, 70, 75, 80. No, that's a bottle cap. That's the one that landed right on my nose. They're right. Pepsi Cola hits the spot. That was a nice song that Dennis sang. Probably be a big hit. I never could understand why the song I wrote wasn't a hit. When you say I beg your pardon, then I'll come back to you. When you ask me to forgive you, I'll return. Like the swallows at Serrano. Come back to... Say. Now I know what's wrong with my song. It stinks. A big hit that will rent from Calabasas? Yes, really, hire. There's markers on the corner of Third and Fairfax. Do you come into town to buy something? No, I'm taking this truckload of stuff from a farm to sell. Oh, what do you got in the truck? Pig's knuckles. Pig's knuckles? Yeah, the pigs were driving me crazy, always cracking them. Why, what's the rush? I want to get home before eight o'clock. They're opening the movie house. They put in a new, modern feature. Oh, you mean three-dimensional pictures? No, talkies. I hope you enjoy them. I will. Can't wait to hear that Valentino fellow talk. He's a hot one. Ah, goodbye, wee person. Great fan of mine, too. He's waving goodbye to me. Oh, no, it's one of the pig's knuckles. But a fan is a fan. Gee, I had no idea I walked this far. Here's Don Wilson's house. I wonder if Don is home. Must be. The house is tilted. I'll drop in and surprise him. Why, Jack Benny, what a pleasant surprise. Oh, hello, Mrs. Wilson. I was just out for a stroll and thought I'd drop in. Don's home, isn't he? Yes. Come right in. Thank you. You look wonderful, Jack. How are you feeling now? Oh, great. You know, I had a nice day. And Palm Springs. Where's Don? He's in the living room practicing his diction. Practicing his diction? Yes. You know, an announcer has to practice every day, just like a musician. I never knew that. I'll call him. Oh, Don. Donald gets so absorbed when he practices his diction. Let's go in. Oh, now, brown, Nicole. The rain in Spain, falls mainly on the plain. How now, brown, Nicole? Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. She sells seashells by the seashore. Oh, Don. How now, brown, Nicole? I was worried. I was reared. Oh, hello, Jack. Oh, hello, Don. Don't let me interrupt. Go right ahead with you. Hey, I didn't know the sportsman quartet was here with you. Hello, fellas. What are you and the sportsman working on? Ah, we've all been practicing diction. The sportsman, too? Yeah, as a matter of fact, we have a wonderful song prepared for the show. Would you like to hear it? Why, sure, as long as I'm here. All right, fellas, take it. How now, brown, Nicole. Take it now. Possibly, he lived. You got he none. See it in clarity. Use words with familiarity and add to your popularity. Don't mess with Mr. Piper. Use words with familiarity and add to your popularity. Don't mess with Mr. In-Between. To illustrate our last remark, Jonah in the way, what did they say? Just when everything looks so dark. Passed the dictionary. Accused, beneath the negative, and left mess with Mr. In-Between. Don will be swell on the show. I knew you'd like it. Well, I gotta be going. I'm taking my daily walk. Oh, but, Jack, it was such a short visit. Why don't you stay and have lunch with Don? No thanks. I'm not hungry. Good, good. Goodbye, Mrs. Wilson. Goodbye. Goodbye, Jack. Goodbye, brown cow. See you later. Gosh, I've walked all the way down to the shopping district. Hmm, Drucker's barber shop. Haircuts $1.50. How do you like that? They race the price. Last time I got one, they were 40 cents. I say, what smells so good? There was this bakery here. Oh, boy, look at those nice-looking cakes in the window. I think I'll go in and buy something. Yes, sir, what can I do for you? Well, I don't know. Everything looks so good here. What do you recommend? Well, we got pies, cakes, donuts, brownies, and simmer on rolls. Simmer on rolls. Don't you mean cinnamon? That's what I said, simmer on rolls. Oh, I know. Have you got any lady fingers? I used to have, but I had to get rid of them. They kept cracking their knuckles. He's so smart. I came in here to buy something. Now, let's see. Well, I know. I'll have a half a dozen donuts, that chocolate cake, and let's see here. I'll have this Napoleon. That's a Josephine. Well, mister, I've been having those for years. It's a Napoleon. It's a Josephine. This is Danish pastry. I'll have it anyway. On second thought, I think I'll have some of those simmer on rolls. What? I said I'll have some of those simmer on rolls. Don't you mean cinnamon rolls? Give me six of them. How much is it altogether? Let's see. Donuts, chocolate, pastry, and a half a dozen simmer on rolls. That comes to a dollar even. A dollar? Well, here you are. Goodbye. Goodbye. Call again. You're quite a character. The Rochester will be happy I stopped at the bakery. He loves donuts. I'll put a candle on one of them tomorrow's his birthday. Gee, look at all the new sets in this television store window. Hey, they're advertising my TV show that goes on today. Said, don't miss Jack Benny's version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Oh, boy, I love those shows where I can play two parts. Hi, Jack. What are you doing here? Oh, Bob Crosby. I was just looking at these television sets. Where are you going, Bob? Oh, nowhere. Just coming from Remley's house. You see Frankie's second bed with the flu. Gosh, everybody seems to have had it. Is Remley taking good care of himself? Oh, yes. He starts out in the morning with a hot toddy. At nine o'clock he has grapefruit juice and bourbon. At ten o'clock he has orange juice and vodka. At noon he has lime and gin. He keeps repeating this until bedtime. But for heaven's sake, who's his doctor? Oh, he hasn't got a doctor. He's got a bartender. Well, why doesn't he get a doctor? What? And get well? I got to be running along, Bob. Don't forget my television show this afternoon. Don't worry, Jack. I'll be watching it. Watching it? You're on it! Oh, yes, yes, yes. Well, see you later. So long. Oh, Bob. Yes? You know, I got something funny to tell you. You know that word that you always have so much trouble pronouncing? Uh, uh... Man of Chevrolet Vitz? Yeah, yeah. Well, I just right into a fella in a bakery who couldn't pronounce cinnamon rolls. Well, how do you like that? How do you like that? You mean he couldn't say simmer on rolls? Imagine, Bob, almost forgetting my TV show. See, I can't wait till I get on and do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The part I like is when I change from the nice, kind heart of Dr. Jekyll into the moon-cruel Mr. Hyde. Boy, that really takes acting. Oh, my goodness. People are looking at me. I'm so embarrassed. What time it is. I better get down to the TV studio. Election return. Transcribing my show so far in advance.