 Clinical psychologist Dr. Ellen Hendrickson says responsibility is typically a positive trait because it shows you're dedicated, trustworthy, accountable, and concerned about others. It's the polar opposite of avoiding responsibility by blaming others or making excuses. But it's possible to go overboard. Do you do everyone else's chores? If someone bumps into you, do you apologize? Do you believe it's your fault if someone you care about is irritable? Indeed, it's a mark of maturity when you own your mistakes. However, you become overly responsible when you own other people's faults and blunders. Dr. Ellen stated that feeling overly responsible can be a main symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder, OCD. She gave the example of a client who was certain she was to blame when a tree fell on her car during a severe rainstorm, claiming, I shouldn't have parked it there, I shouldn't have known. Let's view this from a different lens. Let's say there isn't any OCD present. That causes non-diagnosable yet toxic overresponsibility. According to Dr. Ellen, like many maladaptive beliefs, it typically begins in childhood. Children who are blamed for matters they have no control over, like their parents' feelings or financial circumstances, begin to feel they are truly responsible. To know whether or not you are overly responsible, it's good to know that things you shouldn't be responsible for, so here are some things to keep an eye out for. Other people's feelings. Have you ever felt like it's your fault if your loved one is unhappy? Do you think that it's your responsibility to fix their problems and remove their pain? You hold a basic core belief that their pain equals your fault. According to a licensed couple and family therapist, Dr. Aziel Romanelli, these kinds of beliefs lead to reactionary behavior in close relationships. When your loved one talks about something distressing, you stop openly listening and you think of ways that you can relieve their suffering. It is this automatic reactivity that keeps you in a symbiotic relationship where both people are reluctant to share their pain as your agony equals their problem. You might find that you start to avoid sharing your frustrations because you believe it'll ultimately hurt your loved one. In a healthy relationship, you know their emotional happiness is not your responsibility. It doesn't mean you ignore their suffering, but instead you set good boundaries and let your loved ones know that you are there to support them while they deal with their personal issues. When your loved one has bad habits, do you bend over backwards to help them, ignoring your own time or resources? Even if they tell you that they like to work it out themselves, you believe that you know the best way to break their bad habits. Licensed professional counselor Sarah Alan Benton says there is absolutely nothing wrong with helping your loved ones to drop their bad habits, but it starts to become a problem when your self-worth is connected to being needed and you believe that your purpose is helping others to the point of burnout. This is known as savior complex or white night syndrome. Individuals with this syndrome are willing to assist those who are desperate for help, often at the expense of their own needs. Wanting to become a rescuer means you prevent your loved ones from accepting responsibility for their own actions and helping themselves. Others mistakes. Do you blame yourself when someone else makes a mistake? Do you wake up at night wondering how did I cause them to make that mistake? As you play this self-blame game, you feel more emotionally depleted, fatigued, miserable, and upset. So what causes us to self-blame? According to licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Gary Bell in his podcast A Life of Regret, it's simpler to blame ourselves for other people's mistakes than to examine the issue and assign responsibility where it belongs. Also, we might often find ourselves turning a blind eye to a blender by our loved ones. We don't want to blame them and remove them from their pedestal, or face the reality that perhaps they might not make our lives better. Others needs. Take this scenario. You're watching a basketball game on TV with your friends while munching on that delusious pepperoni pizza. It's now down to one slice. Would you allow your friend to finish that last slice? Or would you grab it and savor every last bit of it? If you chose the first option, you are portraying cooperative behavior. Or what the researchers in the Journal of Personality and Individual Difference is referred to as Others-Centeredness. Researcher Ryan Byerly defined Others-Centeredness as a tendency to put others' interests ahead of one's own that is based on a specific way of thinking. Individuals with Others-Centered Thinking view their personal interests as equally important to others. Interpersonal interactions are, however, very important to them. This is different to when you are excessively concerned about the well-being of others, which is known as unmitigated communion. When someone has unmitigated communion, or high other focus, they may prioritize others out of concern that they can't be satisfied unless they fulfill other people's needs. And finally, other people's dreams. Imagine this. You are a YouTube travel influencer. And many of your commenters say you should visit the newly opened Harry Potter theme park in a distant land. You realize if you fulfill this wish of your fans to live vicariously through you, you have to spend an outrageous amount of money. Do you think you're responsible to grant your audience this wish even though your current finances don't allow it? Here's a more common example. Parents who view their children as a second chance to fulfill their own dreams. According to Brad Bushman, one of the researchers of My Child Redeems My Broken Dreams on parents transferring their unfulfilled ambitions onto their child. These parents regard their children as extensions of themselves rather than as separate people with their own hopes and dreams. They link to achieve their dreams. They want their kids to do so. Remember, it's not your responsibility to fulfill other people's dreams. When you bear too much responsibility for things you shouldn't be, you may become frustrated, resentful, and feel taken advantage of. Though changing such behavior is challenging, it is possible if you acknowledge how it can negatively impact your interpersonal relationships. Can you relate to any of these points? I can. If so, share with us in the comments. The references are listed in the description below. Thanks for watching, and keep an eye out for more Psy.