 Y'all have to get my dog barking now. Let me see some of my wifi on this head. Y'all got the whole, my dog going crazy. Y'all give me a second to make some internet connected. And forgive me if you hear my dog, my baby boy just coming home from the dog, going crazy. Okay, hey, the two Bella, one of the moderators. Got this here, let me see if I can get this here. All right, make sure y'all can hear me. Saturday night, it is Saturday night. I was gonna shoot a video, but got free, had my son, my oldest son had a soccer game this morning. And then after that, had watched one of my teams that I coached, that I mentor. One of my college teams had a game, was watching them play and then got free. Wanted to do a Q&A today, pop in, cause I don't know when the last time I was able to do a Q&A. And for those of you who was on our jumpstart of the year, 2021, we did like some kickoff calls, seven calls. So that was, you know, pretty intense cause we had some long calls. Our last call, that seventh call was four hours long. So it was intense. And at the end of the four hours, we still had over a hundred people on the call, which was, you know, shocking to me. So that was pretty cool. So the recordings, they are available on tonigaskinsacademy.com. So you'll see that in another little course that's on pre-order right now. And today, earlier than the day I did a video and I did a poll, I'm gonna delete the poll, I just wanted to see, get y'all take on the poll. But I don't really speak on that stuff. And the reason why I don't speak on this stuff, what I talked about earlier. And really my video earlier was kind of like, it wasn't really that serious when I was talking about when I'm describing a grown boy. And it was a couple of women who, you know, they said, Tony, I think, you know, when it comes to narcissism, it's deeper than a grown boy. And I agree, some of the same traits may be there, but I'm not describing something, unless you're saying that narcissism is very, very common, like nine out of 10 men are someone who has like the narcissistic personality disorder, not just have narcissistic traits, then we're not talking about the same thing. You know, because what I describe on my channel is everyday men. It's like the same, the traits that you're gonna have in every man, they're gonna have at least a couple of them that you have to check. And then when you check that, then that's when they grow. So that's what I'm describing on my channel. It's really what I call grown boy behavior, which is, which can be tweaked based on the response that a grown boy gets. So if you feel like this one type of man who has this disorder cannot change and will not change for a woman or for anybody, like cannot be cured, then that's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about are grown boys, which is a grown man who is behaving as a grown boy, but he has a grown man in him. And based on who gonna let him do what he wants to do, if he gets with a woman and the woman is gonna let him do what he wants to do, he'll never change. A grown boy. If he gets with a woman that is gonna check him and when he does and he tries a little stuff, then he can change and grow because now he learns, okay, you don't deal with everybody like that. And so a large part of my growth is what I talked about in our book, A Woman's Influence. A large part of my growth was really due to my wife's response to my grown boy behavior. And that's what I'm trying to get across is that when you experience a grown boy, if you know who you are and you're not gonna put up with the jump and reinforce it, if there's a grown man in him, he will change and grow. So that's what I want y'all to understand. Morningside, Howard, God bless you. Now if you put a question in here, make sure you put the hashtag Q, make sure you put the hashtag Q. And so I can see it now. And you got to understand too that I'm gonna miss a lot of these questions. So understand that right there. He is taking up a career in truck driving. Is that still considered long distance because I really like him? And he has one child recently, not with the child's mother. Not with the child's mother. It's only considered long distance if he's not coming home every night. If he's on the road for months at a time, like he on the road, then that would be long distance. But if he's driving and he may go five hours, six hours, but he coming back home and he's basing that city majority of the days in a month, then that's not long distance. Can you ruin chances of a relationship with a man by sleeping with him in the first three months? And he ends things three months later or does that you could ruin chances of with a man sleeping with him period, at any time before marriage. Just because when you sleep with a man before marriage, you defiling the bed and that is for an occasion. And so if he has said in his mind that that's the prize he wanna get, that's the finish line. And he wants to cross that finish line, meaning sleeping with you before marriage. When he crossed that finish line, he could get his trophy and go on about his business. So understand that it's always a risk when you're doing it your way and not God's way. Latiqua, God bless you. Advice for a job harassment for having a boyfriend there who's an inmate because I won't talk to them. I'm not sure what you're saying. I'm not sure what you're saying, sis. I'm not sure and I'm not really a career consultant either. So all I know about a job and harassment is EEOC equal employment opportunity. That's who I went to when I had a job at 27 years old. Other than that, that ain't not my space sis. It might be a career coach on here and might be able to help you a little better with that one. Oh, David of God bless you. Hi bless you. Tony, I gave my 15 year old niece your what daddy never told his little girl as a Christmas present and she was so happy and grateful. Thank you so much. Hey God bless you. And I appreciate you here for the lessons and now a bless you. Now y'all interrupted my flow. Now I was on the floor and y'all sent me these colorful messages. Bless you now. Bless you. W-A bless you. What does it mean for a guy to say, you'd make me look better? And also when he tries to convince you to ask him out over text. That right there is a grown boy. Go on about your business. Alice Brown, God bless you now. Myrna J, bless you. Hashtag Q before you question. What is the best way to have a relationship with God? Read your Bible. Read your Bible every day. Pray every day. If you can't read, then just pray. Just pray, just talk to the Lord. If you can't read, if you can't read but you can understand and listen. See, in order to have a relationship with anybody, anything you have to get to know it. So no different than when you get in a relationship with a person you talk to him. So to build your relationship with God, you talk to God, meaning you read in your word to understand the attributes of God. So you know what God likes and doesn't like and that helps you build your relationship reading and praying. Should I establish my LLC before I start my life coaching business? Yes, you should if you can. You don't have to. You could become a coach, get a few clients and use the pay from them few clients to go start your LLC and then just claim the few hundred dollars that you made without an LLC. Just claim it to your name or you still could claim it under your LLC especially if you're a single member, you know, sole proprietorship. So, you know, but yes, get your LLC just because it's a lot more write offs that come with having a business than just being an individual. Somebody playing came in here kind of weird. I'm approaching 14 years with my children's father and we still aren't married. We are no longer intimate because I am now on my new walk with God. What should I do as far as marriage? 14 years sis. If he married you in 14 years, it might be time to go on about your business sister. Dated a guy, but broke things off because of his addiction. One year later, he has grown closer to God and is still working on himself. We spend time together and I'm interested in trying again. No, that's a personal choice. You know, that's a personal choice. Don't, if he really know God, God is a redeemer. That's one way. If a person really all the way in there locked in, then that's one way he could change. But you just got to know that you know. I didn't get to finish my last statement. I meant to say, or does that mean that was always his intention because if a good man wants you, he would never leave regardless. That's correct. You are correct about that. If a man sleep with you before marriage, but he feels you are a wife, then he's gonna marry you, especially if he has a good man in him. He could be operating from grown boyism, but if he has a good man in him, regardless of if he sleeps with you or not, he's going to marry you if he feels you are his wife. If he does not wanna be married or he does not feel you are his wife, then he gonna sleep with you and gone by this business. What are some tips on how to date without giving husband benefits when not married? Husband benefits is essentially living together, serving a man, doing for him and sleeping with him. Those are husband benefits. And so understand that, that when you take and move in with a man, that's a husband benefit. When you're doing laundry, when you're sleeping with him, those husband benefits. If a man not your husband, you don't owe him nothing but quality time, conversation, gratitude and thanks. If he does something for you, pay for the dinner or what have you, you don't owe him nothing else. So it's a huge misconception going around online where grown boys is saying, grown boys are saying, hey, you need to show me you a wife by cooking and cleaning and doing this stuff around this apartment, around this house. If you want me to marry you, that's ignoramity, okay? And that's not a word, that's my word, but basically that's a ignoramist calamity. So that's ignoramity, okay? So that's what grown boys do. They want you to slave around a house to show them that you are wife material and that's not a definition of a wife, cooking and cleaning and sleeping with a man is not a definition of a wife. He should be able to look at your character, look at your personality, see who you are, hear about your goals, your vision, your morals, your values. And that is what tells him if you're a wife or not, everything else is common sense. Duh, a woman know how to cook if she wanna learn how to cook, if she don't know how to cook, then the man need to know how to cook or y'all need to know how to order out or learn how to cook together. You see what I mean? So a lot of times we got things messed up that where we just think that you know, you basically got to be a do-girl to be seen as a wife. What are some tips on how to date without giving husband benefit? That's why I just read another one. How do you answer what is your body count question? On that right there, you tell a man you don't, that's none of his business. And you tell him, listen, I'm not asking you that question because I'm not gonna believe your answer. I'm getting to know you for who you are. So don't ask me that question because you don't know if I'm telling the truth anyways. And other than that, that's not any of your business because judge me by my present and get to know me and then that's gonna let you know what my body count is based on how I treat you, based on how we interact. Because that question is a setup. When a man asks you that and for those of y'all who do not know, for women who do not know because you have not talked to a man that is gonna be honest with you and straight up with you. If a man asks you what's your body count and you say more than five men, if he pretty much judging you, he pretty much judging you point blame period odd. And I know that offend a lot of y'all cause some of y'all at 20, some of y'all at 30, some of y'all at 40 or 50. And these are real numbers, okay? Some of y'all at 10, some of y'all at seven. And of course, the older you are, the number could be higher. But what I'm telling you is men do live under a double standard. That should not be rocket science. Y'all know men have a double standard. So that question is a trick question because you could call yourself being honest and you tell that man 12, his number could be 120. And he gonna judge you on a different scale than he judge himself. Is that fair? Absolutely not. Is it reality? Yes. So anything that a man did not witness you do that ain't none of his business. That between you and God because only God have a heaven or hell to put you in. So don't ever give your business that you did in your past or your private life to a man to put you on the judgment seat and vice versa. So my wife did not ask me that question. And when I talked to her, I asked her that question because that's what grown boys do. Ask that question. Wrong men take the time to get to know a woman to see her character. I was 21 years old. When I later asked my wife, why you ain't asked me how many women I had been with? She said, cause I didn't want to know the answer. She was like that. And I didn't believe you were gonna tell me the truth anyway. And she was right. Cause the woman asked me my number was five. I was lying through my tea like I ain't had no tea. Tahisha God bless you. Advice on how to deal with working at the same unit with an ex and his new girlfriend. That's a tough one else. Especially if you got to see him. That's a tough one now. You're just gonna have to deal with it. It ain't no advice. Be pleasant, smile. Don't let them see you sweat. That's the best advice I can say. Don't let them see you sweat. You know, go a different route. Try to switch shifts. Try to switch units. You know, try to do what you could do. A friend of mine, a man, hold on, somebody came. No question. You do a great job of answering them in your video. Just showing some love. Ebony God bless you, I appreciate you. A friend of mine, a man is dating a young lady who is a virgin. It's been over a year, but he claims marriage not on the brain. Said he can see himself as a dad before a husband. Why? Grown boy. Yeah. Yeah, he a grown boy. Unfortunately, that's a grown boy trait. Man, unfortunately, most men today are that way. You know, men for some reason see marriage as more scary than having a baby. I do not really fully understand the logic behind it, even though I'm a man, but I'm a grown man now, but I just, I just really, I do not understand that. I just really, see, really the real reason why men wanna have a baby and still to be married. Men with money, men feel like that when they get married, they're gonna magically be able to be faithful. So most men feel like if they're not married, then technically they could still cheat and it not be like a sin against God or like this huge deal. If they're not married, then they could still cheat. So men feel like, and it's true that in marriage, you're not your own person. You belong to your wife, your wife belongs to you. There are boundaries, there are guidelines, there are rules. A man who is not married can always revert to, we're not married. And so that's why a lot of men are afraid of marriage because they're afraid of the confinement of marriage. They're afraid of the rules and the boundaries in marriage. But with a baby, they just look at it like, we lie down to have a child together, but that's not a covenant before God that we're gonna be faithful to each other and be together until death does us part. And so more men operating from a place of ego and selfishness would rather see their seed. A lot of men wanna see their seed come to life. And that's about selfishness, more so than give a woman a commitment for life until death do us part. And so that's why you see so many men trying to have a baby before they didn't got married. Should a new couple give gifts for holidays or only after made official slash married? How do you handle holidays and birthdays with them? Should I give a gift? Hey, God bless your shade. So sit down and talk about that and ask your partner, hey, do you think we should exchange gifts? Just ask them about that. And then he may say no. No, he may say, yeah. And he said, okay, well, if we're gonna change gifts, let's just set a budget on it so that we contain our expectations. Because what typically happened, a man would say, a grown boy, not a grown boy will say, yeah, we're gonna give gifts. Yeah, then you say, well, what is the budget? Ain't no budget. Ain't no budget, just give what you want, say give. And then he come bringing you a 50 dollar gift and then you come bringing him a 500 dollar gift. And so that's how a grown boy like to come up. And then a lot of women will say, well, I don't need nothing. But then still go get the man something. And then you sitting there thinking that he was gonna get you some even though you said you don't need anything and then you sitting there sucking your thumb and upset because you said, I don't need nothing. You ain't got to get me nothing. And he took you serious. And then you looking like, well, you still should've got me something. He liked it, that ain't what you said. So how you getting mad with me? You see what I mean? So that's something to talk about. And I say, you know, depending on your budget, it really depends on your budget. If you're a million now, then $5,000 is not a lot of money to you if you're a million now. If you're not a million now, then, you know, if you're a hundred thousand now, then 250, a thousand dollars might not be a lot to you. So that each couple is different. Some couples may say, hey, look, let's do some handmade. Let's do something that's thoughtful that don't really cost a lot of money. Let's both spend, you know, $10, $15 on stuff at the arts and crafts store. And let's make something that, you know, we feel will be meaningful and valuable to the other person. And that's cause they say they may just be creatives, artists, or they may be, you know, financially tight right then, budgeting. Debbie God bless you, seven months dating, celibate once. Now, what I want y'all to do is look at that word celibate, okay? I want y'all to look at that word celibate. I'm turning on my computer. Hopefully I don't steal too much on my wifi. And cause I want to see if we need to be saying celibate or if we need to say abstinence, okay? So for the dictionary, you know, we'll know some here. And cause, cause see abstinence, that's always gonna work. If you say I'm abstaining from sex, okay? I'm abstinence. I'm abstaining from sex. Cause to abstain, you could be abstaining from alcohol, whatever. But so we need to figure that out because when y'all say celibate, it's messing a lot of y'all up because y'all be saying some people don't know the word. And they be saying, I'm celibate. And the man be like, you celibate? And yes, I'm celibate. And the man be like, you don't even know the word. How do you, how do you use something, you know? So it's celibate. Celibate. But that means abstaining from marriage and sexual relations, typically for religious reasons. A celibate priest. So now we see celibate is really a priest. A person who abstains from marriage and sexual relations, all right? So I just wanted to bring that out because the lady brought that in my attention one day. You know, the teachers and the English majors, they hear you say something, they be on you. I celibate abstinent refraining from an activity or from the consumption of something, especially alcohol. So let's just say abstinent, all right? Versus celibate. So you abstinent because you're not from marriage. You want to be married because you're dating. Seven months dating, you abstinent. Once he was a bit forceful in making us fall in aura. During, after the act, I told him off. He got mad and dumped me, accused me of insinuating he was a low-key, should I apologize? Are we beyond reconciliation? No, you should not apologize because you just said he was a bit forceful, okay? Two, a hit dog holler. You call a spade a spade and that's why he got offended. That's also why he dumped you. If he wasn't a low-key, then he wouldn't have dumped you. He would apologize and say that was a miscommunication, that was a misunderstanding but he got what he wanted and took on off. You actually were spared. It could have been a lot worse and you should not be looking to reconcile with a man like that. You see what I mean? Now, God bless you, God bless y'all because y'all ladies really be blowing me with some of the stuff y'all be considering doing. Sis Liz, you shouldn't be trying to reconcile with no man like that, man. Come on, my sister, God bless you. Go on about your business. Do not look back. You dodge the bullet. And the next time when you abstinent set boundaries, you shouldn't be in an apartment or in the backseat of a car when you abstinent. You shouldn't be anywhere where your head could go to his private or his head could go to your private. When you abstinent, your dates need to be in public. Y'all need to be outside in the breeze, with your mask on. You need to be at a public place. Y'all need to meet at the place. You drive your transportation. He drive hills or y'all on y'all bus paths. You meet in a public place. That's where you talk. That's where you build. You spend all your time. Then you going home, making sure he not following you and he going home. Then when y'all get home, y'all could talk on the phone and FaceTime. When you abstinent, there should be nowhere near any private areas. And see, that's why I say that's the problem when you say you abstinent or you put that idea that's on your forehead because now you become a challenge to the man and he want that notch in his belt. So you got to be very careful with that. When you make that decision, that's between you and God. I sell a God bless you. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. I am 48 years old. I have learned so much from your videos. God bless you. Hey, bless you. I appreciate that. I feel like I missed some of y'all when I was doing this hill search on the computer or let me cut my computer off before I be done. Sutting up all my wifi. See, Saul, a boyfriend and I are about to have a baby girl. He's getting home built, bought me a new car, good man, love each other, but I feel guilty to God because we aren't married. I know I put the cart before the horse. Anything I could do. No, no, ain't much you could do. Ain't much you could do now because I don't think you could do now as a mind game. And when you play mind games, both of you gonna lose. So now it's like you made the bed, you got to lay in it. You made the choices. So you can't go get a man free milk all this time and then the next time he kinda get it free milk. Yeah, we're charging $5 now for the milk. Cause the man like, hold on, the milk man zero. How you gonna go from zero to five on? What? You see what I mean? So at this point right here, it's like you can express yourself and say, hey, you know, I don't feel right. I feel like we need to get married, but you can't twist his arm. And see, that's the thing that we have to accept responsibility as adults because a lot of time, this is what I tell y'all, ignorance is bliss until the consequences hit. Ignorance is bliss until the consequences hit. So we want to do the act, but we don't want the consequences. So you have to, you should have thought about that before you got on your back. Now you done got on your back. So now you can't just go flip the script cause he gonna feel like, oh, you a scammer. So you tried to, so you done baited me, trapped me with a baby and to get married. That's how, that's how, see, cause a man is not going to give a woman the benefit of the doubt. He gonna say, you done entrapped him because you done got on your bike, gave him the baby and now that he finna build a house and he done bought you a new car, he got some money. So now when you go hollering about marriage, he gonna be like, you trying to entrap me and that's why you got pregnant. I bet you was on fertilizers too. I guarantee you taking fertilization, met shots. You was on fertilizers. And his mind gonna go all the way there. And then you hear you is with this baby finna be stressed out, crying and all the kind of negative toxins going to the baby because you worry. So this ain't the time to worry about marriage and stuff right now. And this ain't the time to be feeling guilty because you did what you did. So when you were down there, you ain't thinkin' nothin' bout God now. So a lot of times, so ask God for forgiveness. When you say, Lord forgive me for being in fornication, it's done, the Lord will forgive you. Lord forgive you, you can turn your heart. But see, guilt, to feel guilty, that's the trick of the enemy. And that's to stress you out, that's to put that strain on you. That's to get them negative toxins. God will freeze you with guilt. So now what you have to do, you can sit down and have a conversation about, hey, so what do you think about marriage? Typically you don't ask a man about marriage. But when you didn't gave your body to him and you getting ready to have a baby, you say, what do you feel about marriage? I just don't feel secure. I just feel like a glorified girlfriend. You had a conversation, then you get to hear what he got to say and how he feel and then that's gonna let you know, right? There, how he see you. That's gonna let you know how he see you. I have men in my inbox, only conversation one asked about cash after him as a gift for his B-day. Told him I don't give men money. He said, okay, he still contact me once to meet in person. Should I continue to entertain or not? I wouldn't entertain him. I wouldn't entertain him. You really can't take a man serious that for one he messaged you and then he messaged you about money. It could have been a joke, but you don't play like that. You know what I'm saying? Because if you would have sent that money, he wouldn't have sent it back. So I wouldn't entertain him. He a grown boy. And sometimes when you stand your ground and you say, you tell a man what you don't do, you offend him, you make him mad. And now he's gonna prove a point to himself to get you back, to get you, get you on your bike, make you pay for trying to have standards. So recognize red flags up front and don't play with red flags. When a man show you a red flag at the gate, don't play with that because he's showing you who he is. A real man ain't gonna ever ask a woman for no money. He ain't a real man ain't gonna ask another man for money. Real man gonna get up and go get it. And he ain't gonna expect nothing. The more God bless you. Now ex called me before this live, sounded drunk, said he missed me and wants to be friends. I said, aren't you with someone? He got mad, said I'm judging and hung up. Been a year now. Why is he calling me? The more important question is why are you answering? So when your past call you, why you pick up the phone? That's more important question. He calling you because your ex is your ex. Your ex is who he is. He's who you know him to be. He calling because he knew you were gonna answer the phone. He knew that you're faking and you're fronting and you bluffing. He knew that you trying to play tough. He don't respect you, that's why he calling you, even though he was somebody else. Does he have a soul type with you? Yes. Do you have a soul type with him? Yes, that's why you answered the phone. So what you need to do is block him all the way completely so that you can focus on your healing. And then that's gonna help you heal and go on about your business. Hold on now. Some of y'all put some questions in here in the blue. Now when y'all put them questions in the blue, they say 499, those right there disappear. So what that's you two telling you is they leave them up there based on the amount. And so when those right there disappear, y'all have to understand that's not me skipping your question. It just, it leave off my screen. So y'all forgive me. Should you tell a man, and y'all understand this, this is a free Q and A, okay? Y'all don't have to send your questions with a donation. If you just put them in the chat, I'm gonna eventually see it. Should you tell a man that you're not looking to be a girlfriend for longer than two years or just wait and see what happens? You shouldn't wait no two years. You shouldn't wait no two years. So at round three month mark, he should be asking you to be his girlfriend. Round the 12 to 18 month mark, he ought to be getting engaged to you if he sees you as a wife. If he don't ask you, do you wanna, will you marry me? You need to be going about your business. I'm recently divorced from an interracial marriage. Although I'm not interested in a relationship right now, I can never see myself with a black man. Let me look at you with my good eye. It says you might need to dress your pain. I'll tell you what, you need to dress your pain because you're judging a man by his color. You going through a divorce from an interracial relationship, that'll let you know right there. It don't matter about a man's color because if a man of another race was better, you wouldn't be going through no divorce. So you got to dress your pain that you have around black men. Cause if I ain't mistaken, you look black to me. So you, how you finna hate your own. You see what I'm saying? You got to dress that pain. So if a black man did something to you at a young age, go to therapy. If your daddy abandoned you, go to therapy. Go to get you some therapy, get you some coaching, read some books. So you got to understand that men gonna be men. A good man gonna be a good man. A grown boy gonna be a grown boy. It don't matter his race. You got grown boys of every race. And so what also, and so what's gonna happen is, no matter what race you dating, you gonna keep meeting grown boys because you're a grown girl. And what let me know you're a grown girl is when you classify a whole race as an undatable race and you is of that race. Hey y'all got hold on real quick. I'll be right back. Let me see. Hey y'all hold hold your questions real quick. Cause my throat hurt man. I just, I swallowed wrong. Hey I'm gonna have to grab some questions. Y'all hold on one second. Got something sharp in my throat. Hey y'all back now. I apologize about that. Had to go get my little bit of water now. I apologize about that done. Now y'all hold on, let me get up here to these little questions. Now sometimes you have that little sharp pinching your throat. Let me see some. I have seen that one. Okay, I'm recently at the void. Okay I see that one. Tony thank you for all your insight. It has helped me so much. Always knowledge you drop in a great lab. God bless you and your family. Hey bless you. Bless you and I. What would you say to a life coach that wants to operate under a non-profit organization? Go for it. Go for it because when you own a non-profit you still could be paid. That's how pastors get paid you know. So my non-profit consultant she told me that the executive director which would be you could be paid up to 40% of what you raise. So if you go out to all the businesses around you and what hers she raised she'll get 25,000 from Bank of America, 25,000 from Walmart, 25,000 from Coca Cola. If you raise 100,000 then you could pay yourself 30, 40,000 a year and what your non-profit could be doing is serving the community through coaching and other services. And so if you want to go through a non-profit by all means do it. But it don't hurt to also have an LLC in case somebody wants to pay you for your services you could charge them through your LLC. And then your foundation it's not like you paying yourself for the coaching's more so you get a salary for being executive director and y'all have y'all operations. But talk to CPA about that too. God bless you. I got in, Shao, I got in Shao, then had a break up. He was my trainer. I gained weight 13 pounds back from stress eating. I feel ashamed. How do I get over this and be confident and hopeful, bend down. Since you're in the right place, keep getting the new knowledge. So the next time you'll see the game ahead of time and you won't fall for it. I quit speaking to my best friend when I went to rehab. I have bettered my life then, my life in the three months since. I have moved, removed talk to people from my life. Do I wait for him to contact me? No, you don't wait for nobody. Go on about your business. Blessings Tony, thank you for your wisdom thus far. What are examples of good vetting questions in first dates? You don't want to have vetting questions, okay? You just want to have a normal conversation. Just have a normal conversation like you getting to know somebody and you're going to hear everything you need to hear. So just go with a normal flow. And it ain't about, because you don't know if a man telling you the truth anyway, so you can ask him anything. You want to ask him and be getting a lot. But when you just talking to him and you listening, you're going to see, you're going to see if he smokes, if he drinks, you ask him, you know, so do you have kids, just normal questions. And everything you need to know going to come up. So you got to pay attention to what you hear, but also what you hear, I mean, what you see. When you are young, is it okay to date like Lori Harvey? Yeah, it's okay to date even when you're old. You know, when you're older, it's okay to date like Lori Harvey. Now, she able to do what she able to do just because society says this is what is beautiful. And so society has put her as this was beautiful. And so when you fall into the constructs, when your look is in season, when your look is in style, then you have a little bit more freedom of access because you could want to go out there and date like Lori Harvey and society say, hold on, hold on right now, it ain't your season. Yeah, right now, God bless you, you're not in style. And then next year might be your season and Lori Harvey look might not be in season. So then her dating go down. You see what I mean? So you can't just don't ever compare your life to somebody else because you don't know the behind the scenes. So don't go out there and say, hey, I'm gonna date like Lori Harvey and you don't know what she going through. You don't know if she sleeping with the people she date and racking up those soul ties. And you just see what I mean? So I always do what's best for you. Don't look at somebody else's life as a blueprint for your life because it might not work out that way. Hey, I told y'all this real life here now. Sometimes I'd be having to get stuff and get up so y'all forgive me. Make sure you put hashtag Q before you question. So I can see it. Amazing single dad slash man, full plate. He has made it clear. He prefers to date me with purpose. Known for two years, never been intimate. Had a girlfriend when we first met in grad school. Dating with purpose. He's saying he wanna date to be married. And he sound like a good guy. Especially y'all never been intimate. Now here's the other thing. The caveat with that is sometimes a man who has known you for years and he hasn't been able to touch you. Sometimes he wanna go ahead and get you off that list. That wish list. And so he'll use them big words and use them good little sayings. Oh, I wanna date you with purpose and then have you on your back because you dropped your guards because he said he wanna date you with purpose. So if he say he wanna date you with purpose, that don't involve sleeping together. That don't involve anything sexual. That all that involve is quality time and good communication. So if he mean what he said, you got something. If you taking you hear that and you're like, hmm, he a good man and you drop your guard and you on your back, you gonna get plagued like a deck of cards. So understand that now. Get to the next question. I'm starting to believe that filing child support will cause some safety concerns. He threatened me. Should I forego or pursue support? See if that's a personal choice, okay? That's a personal choice. When you bring up safety concerns, don't bring that to me because your family ain't finna be suing me. Well, Tony Gaskin said, so that's all right right there. That's a, for me, I don't touch on stuff like that. That's a personal choice right there cause I don't know what you're dealing with. You be dealing with Ted Bundy nephew. Is it okay to follow a man you're interested in on social media? Yes, it's okay to follow a man. What you don't wanna do is hey, cutie, hey, how you doing? I think you handsome. Hey, are you single? That's what you don't wanna do in the DM. But to follow him, yeah, that's all right. A guy I've been dating, cause that send enough message to him. You follow a man, he's like, oh, she like me. That send all the message you need to send. A guy I've been dating offered to, okay, Uber Eats, I was like, you breast. Uber Eats me food since I've been sick, but I declined. He says I'm not letting him be a man and help, but we haven't actually met, but it's planned. What do you think? Well, he got a point. That's what you wanna see if a guy's willing to do. When he said, when you say you need something, he trying to meet a need, he trying to help you out. And so you gotta ask yourself, why you declined? Why did you decline that gesture? Cause what you should not do is ask a man for something. But when he offers, that's when you have to understand the fine line between independent and interdependent. So a man, a grown man, he respects you being an independent woman. He sees that by you not asking him to do anything for you. But what a man wants to do is show you that he is a provider and a caretaker and that he could be there for you and that he's a chivalrous man. So when he offers to do something for you and you turn him down, knowing that you gotta eat, knowing that you're hungry, now you're showing him that you're too independent or that you're playing mind games or that you are not ready to be dating because in dating, in a marriage, you are interdependent which means you allow your partner to do for you what they can do for you. You allow them to bring something to the table. So when a man offers to do something for you, understand that if you need that, if you could benefit from that, if that's a blessing to you, then don't block your blessings. But on the flip side of that is you also gotta understand that you don't owe him anything, but a thank you. So some man would do for you to bait you and that's probably why you saying no because you don't wanna seem like a taker, you don't wanna seem like you needy, you don't wanna seem like a gold digger or you don't want him to feel like you owe him anything. And so that's understandable. But what you have to realize is it's okay to let a man pay for your dinner, overeat you, overeats and all of that. You already know you offer to pay for your own, you offer to take care of yourself, you know? So understand that. And then when he comes in trying to get him some, when y'all meet up, because he sent you some Uber each, you politely decline, you let him know now we ain't going none now. And if he might cut you off, that's why he did it. Do dating outs really work in this generation? You must be new. Charlie, you must be new God blessing. You're bumping into the live God blessing, we happy to have you here. You absolutely know that asked me that question. Absolutely dating apps do not work. Dating apps is the reason why I even have coaching clients. I wouldn't even have coaching clients if dating apps didn't exist. Everybody, a lot of the people that hired me is from a nightmare of a dating app. Somebody that met on dating app. Tony, have you considered making a plan on the Bible app now? I haven't considered that because my relationship with God is intimate. It ain't private, it's intimate. So I really don't, I don't try to, I don't want nobody to see what I'll be reading because I might be in a different space and you might need something else. So me and my wife don't even pray together. We pray for each other, but how a lot of people say, oh, we pray every day. I hear a lot of people say we pray every day and be the broke up in a year. Oh, we pray every day and be divorced. For me and my wife the same way, our relationship with God is very intimate. And so we just really don't, we really don't, you know, do all that right there. That's why I don't pray on these calls, I don't pray online, you don't see me. You'll see some coaches and speakers, they'll close their eyes and pray on a video online. I don't do that kind of stuff because that's what the Bible say the Pharisees did. So I just, I keep that very intimate between God. I talk about God and tell you to get the norm for yourself, but I don't try to, you know, be no pastor. Hey, y'all forgive me. I'm a kid, I'm a dog's home, I'm a dog, they, they dog, but you know, I got treated like my own. A guy I'm new friends with finds me attractive and wants to date. I feel he is just making an exception for me. As he has told me, he does not typically find black women attractive. He acts offended, I won't date him, am I wrong? No, you're not wrong. You're not wrong and listen, if you feel that, do not go back on that, do not change that. When a man is your husband, when a woman is a man's wife, you know up front, you feel it up front. My wife told me after we got married, she told me that after our first real conversation, she went and told her roommate, I think I could marry that man. When I got done talking to my wife, our first real conversation sat down face to face and we talked for six hours. I told my mama and my best friend and my sister, I just met my wife. So when you meet a man and you say, I don't feel like this is my husband, I just ain't getting husband vibes and he's trying to get with you, trying to get with you, stick to your guns because it'd be those times that when you try to go from being friends to being in a relationship that you end up, you know, you end up heartbroken and especially when a man come out his mouth, it's like, okay, did anybody ask you, do you find black women attractive? Oh well, anybody can ask you for all that information. So why are you offering up information about how you feel about black women and that you don't find black women attractive? Okay, all right, you don't feel black women attractive? Okay, keep that same energy. No, that's how you got to do them because that's a tactic. What he'll take and do is he'll tell you, he don't find black women attractive typically so that you feel special, so that you feel like, oh, so I'm beautiful enough to be found attractive by you, so that you feel special and then you want to be with them. Just shut them right on up. Now, and now that you know he want to sleep with you, you got to get distance from him because you keep being his friend, you're going to end up falling for him and then he going, boom, gotcha. Hippie chick, God bless you now, God bless you. Nicole Moody, bless you now, bless you now. Let me see some hell. Let me try to, the question coming in, pretty sure God bless you. Hey, Tony, I was wondering what do you do if a man tell, okay, your question got cut off, I see. Been married for almost three years. I'm 36, he's 32. Very little intimacy with me during this time, always different excuses. Found out a week ago, he striveled on the only thing. Uh-huh, hell, divorce court, hell. I can't get over it, that's a, you got a little too many problems for me. I'm a life coat, not a therapist. I ain't gonna be able to help you. So you're gonna have to put your foot down, gotta tell him, listen, if you want to make this work, he probably don't care if you divorce him because he into that right there. He may say, dude, and he may go to acting like he want to make it work. And if he does, then y'all go ahead and go to therapy, do you some therapy? Then after that, you work through the addiction stuff, then you could do some coaching, some relationship coaching, and you could, so you can say, listen, I did the best I could, I did 12 sessions of therapy, I did 12 sessions of coaching, we read this book together, that book together, I set a timeline, I gave it six more months because I wasn't in physical danger. I gave it six more months or 12 more months and we still here at the same issue. But one thing that you will rarely be able to be, one thing a human really cannot be when you're in competition with is an addiction. When the person you with has an addiction, you rarely gonna be able to beat that. It's gonna take God and it's gonna take some professional help and just a serious desire to wanna change. Cause if he wanna change, he could change because what he gonna realize is when he abstains from those things, he not gonna stop breathing. It may go through a little, you know, anxiety, a little withdrawal, but he not gonna stop breathing. So he could change if he wanna change, but some men don't wanna change. Bonnie, God bless you. If a married woman wanna address the root of her pain slash bad behaviors that are affecting her marriage, what should her husband do? Already tried couples counseling, talking and patience. A married woman wanna address the root of her pain slash bad behaviors that are affecting her marriage. What should her husband do? Already tried couples counseling, talking and patience. When you've done everything that you can do, then it's time to go. When you've done, when the vows are broken and meaning y'all just, your partner doesn't wanna work, then what they say the definition of insanity is, it's time to go. So when you have done everything you could do, if there is hope for the person to change, sometimes the only way that person can change is if you leave. And when you leave and they don't have you there reinforcing the behavior, that's a lot of times what'll make them change. But if you stay there, then your presence reinforces the behavior. Do men in their late 30s change in the area of motivation slash drive? What do you think of asking your partner to attend church? You can ask your partner to attend church. He might not attend church. And when it comes to motivation and drive, I'm not sure a man could change in his late 30s unless something happens in his life. That's drastic. So I'm not sure. So it just comes down to that man and you knowing that man. Me personally, I feel like I started hustling in the streets when I was 18. And so being a hustler was in me. And then I went from illegal to legal of using my natural gifts right in books and then becoming a speaker and then becoming a coach and building like that. So it's like sometimes when a person doesn't have ambition, it's something else in their life that's affecting it. And it could be drugs or it could be some type of addiction to something that is satisfying them and giving them their release so that they don't have a desire to go chase anything else. And so sometimes you just gotta look a little deeper in there and see. Kate, hey, Tony, how do you feel about having debt? I'm working on my income and purpose but how to deal with this heavy feeling of owning money to the bank? You can't feel like that. That is a part of life. Debt is what make the world go round. You owe the bank, the bank owes somebody else. You see what I mean? So debt is that's business. They in a position to lend you money. And the bank is there to help you get ahead, to help you live your life. And yeah, you pay them a little interest for them taking that risk on you. But if you feel bad about it, then just intentionally pay it. Every single check you take something off the top and you pay it, right? You pay your tithes, you know, give, then and you put something up in savings or if you can't save, then just pay that debt. The Bible do say the borrower is servant to the lender but you can't allow that to be a noose around your neck. So pay it, you know, but it's a part of life. You know, everybody, you got student loans, that's debt. You know, but you got a degree. So you go get a job and you hope the job will help you pay off your debt. But, you know, sometimes you don't have a choice but to, you know, depending on where you come from, not everybody can do everything debt-free. You know, that, that, that come, you got to have a family that's gonna pay for it or come from money. So sometimes to get ahead, you got to go in a little bit of debt. And, but a lot of people don't teach that and that's why they stay broke, busted and disgusted. But the people who done got ahead in life, they had leverage and that's the other word is what some people call debt and other people call it leverage. So it's all about a mindset. So what I do with my debt, if I borrow something from the bank or from a credit card, I say, listen, thank you for being in a position and being an institution to help me get this here. And now I'm gonna pay you back and I wanna pay you a little something on the top, interest, because you took a chance on me but now I'm in a place where I don't need you no more. You see what I mean? So that just, that's just the way of life. Thank you, Tony. I have another question for you. What do men think about women having past? Hey, y'all listen, I told y'all, okay? I am a life coach, all right? Which don't mean anything. So what that mean is I'm a man that just talking from experience. Y'all come over here with these psychological terms, okay? That's for a counselor. All these words, addiction, trauma, narcissism, that's for counselors because we don't live in a free world, all right? We live in America. I live in America. So terms that are a clinical term that have diagnosis and sometimes have medicine, you can't just freely just talk about that stuff because it's too deep for just normal conversation. What this is, what we doing here is a fireside chat. It's a fireside chat. This just talking with your big brother. This just your brother gonna tell you, go to therapy, all right? Go to the doctor, go to the person that went to school, that has studied this behavior, that they got a treatment plan for you. You see what I mean? So understand that right there. I stay away from those type of terms and I'm just saying that in general. Now, on the side of a man and how a man views that, you don't have to tell a man that because that's what you do the work on you. See, the thing with a lot of women is y'all use a man as your therapist. Y'all use a man as your confession closet. Y'all use a man as the life coach. And what you gotta realize when you meet this man, this is a game to him at first. This is a competition to him at first. So you can't go to a man and lay all your vulnerabilities down on him because he doesn't care for you because he doesn't even know you. So you can't expect him to hear about your vulnerabilities and your pain and your trauma and all those things and have empathy for you and care about that because he don't know you from a can of pain. And so you have to take and do the work. That's why my book Mrs. Right, a chapter is called Heal Before You Deal. So you go and you do the work. So when you go to this man, because what you talking about? My wife had to went through everything that women go through, but she brought none of that to me. I didn't even know. I ain't even know. I was like, wow, okay. Cause she did her work and didn't come put that on me. So I didn't have to, you know, I ain't have to deal with that. So you take that to God, you take that to a profession now. And then the man, he don't know, he's none the wiser. He see you as a woman. He see you as a whole person. He's still gonna try to heal your heart just out of knowing that you them been through some things and vice versa. But don't go put that on a man and expect him to be able to deal with all that you them been through. Alondra, God bless you. Your videos have been a blessing to my life. Thank you. Small C to grant to a God blessing. Small C, that's a great C. That's a huge C. God bless you. Rachel bless you. Hi, Tony. I am single with no children and saving myself for marriage. Can you explain why some men are hypocritical by preferring to date a woman without children when they have children? I dislike that. Well, what you got to look at that as is a man like that, he don't want his own kids. So why would he want your kids? So you can't look, he's not being hypocritical. He showed you he's single because he didn't care enough to grow up and be man enough to be a man to his child's mother. So he don't want his own kids. So when he don't want you and your kids, he's actually not being hypocritical. He's showing you I am the same man who left my own kids. So why will I want to be with you and your kids? So he's actually not a hypocrite. The man who is okay with being with a woman with kids, whether he has kids or not, that shows you he's a mature man. So when a man shows you who he is, appreciate that instead of allowing it to upset you and say, oh, you're a hypocrite because you already got kids and then you judge me because I got kids. No, he don't got kids. He left his kids. He don't want to be a real man for his own kids. And then sometimes it's because his double standard. He may be there for his kids, but don't want to take care of anybody else's kids. And so he want a woman to accept him with his kids, but he don't want to accept the one with the kids. So now that's him being having a double standard, which that right there, if he's for his kids, then that would be the hypocritical. But the reason being is he operate from a double standard. And so he wants a woman because he see women more forgiving and understanding and more nurturing. He feel like a woman or be okay with him having kids, but then he could be picky and selective and choose a woman that doesn't have kids. And the reason why he feels that comfortable is because of how many double standards we have in the world and how many double standards have been reinforced. Just how like a man sleep around and he clapped up and applauded as a player and a hero, a woman sleep around and then people look at her like a zero. And then the man who get a whole lot of women, every woman want them. And so you see this man as a doll, but every woman lining up to get that man. And then the men who are abstinent and good men, women said, oh, he too soft. I don't want it. That's not attractive. I like a manly man. And so really what a lot of women chasing is a grown boy. So men see that and they're like, hey, I could be a grown boy and still get reinforced by women. So it's really just our culture has set that up for a man to be spoiled and a lot of men play into that. And what's gonna take is messages like this going out to where men and women start to look ourselves in the mirror and say, man, we really playing into these double standards. We really, but you know what? That you know what you're right. If this man right here keep cheating on every woman he done been with, why do he keep getting women? You know, like when you see some of these rappers and they keep on getting a woman pregnant then getting another woman pregnant or being in a relationship and cheating on a woman. And as soon as this woman leave him for cheating he got another woman right there in line, got another woman just like that. And it's like, huh? This don't make no sense. But then the good guy, they get overlooked and they call lame, they call soft, they call they not manly man, but they the one that's actually trying to do right. And then the dogs getting all the women. You see what I mean? So it's really our society, our culture and just us as men and women not evaluating ourselves to see the stupidity we operate in. Jessica, God pleasure. Hi Tony, why are so many men emotionally unavailable? Thanks for being a blessing. It's the disposition of most men is emotionally unavailable. And the reason being is because the world raises men to be emotionally unavailable. From the age of six months old a man is told to shut up, stop crying. When he is one or two, he can thumb in the head, he can punched in the chest, shut up, stop crying, big boys don't cry. Mama saying it, daddy saying it, big brother saying it, uncle saying it, auntie saying it, shut up, stop crying. Big boys don't cry, big boys don't cry. So men are raised to be emotionless. And mama's doing it, daddy's doing it. And then when a man becomes an adult, women are like, why is he so emotionless? Why does it seem like he doesn't care? He could care deeply and just be conditioned not to show it. And so sometimes you have to look at that and you got to pry a little deeper and you got to kind of use some inference to kind of read between the lines and really see what's going on there. Blue earth God bless you. I was talking to a guy who called me every day but I got on my back. He got distant, blocked him and now he wants to come back around saying, sorry, he stood me up and now he wants to take me out. Is he playing a game? Yeah, he playing a game. Yeah, he playing a game. Yeah, he playing a game. But y'all be asking some questions now. Tony, so this man, he hit me in the head with a bat. Is he aggressive? What did he say? He said, you say he hit you in the head with a bat. I would say he aggressive. I would say he aggressive. So y'all be asking some questions, boy. Even did that and did that. Yeah, he playing a game, sis. Yeah, he playing a game. Absolutely. Now, the interesting thing about, you know, which y'all latest is y'all love to see the good in somebody. Y'all love to see the good in somebody. Well, is he a player or does he just have a playful heart? Like, you know, yeah, I understand he cheat on everybody but that could be a playful heart. And that's how y'all be. Oh, listen, you got to call a spade a spade. When you see a man do this, come on now. You see a man do this. Hey, you got to recognize the sign and get going. Candid the Cold God, bless you now. Hailey, all right. Nah, Hailey. Hailey Alexis. All right. Somebody tried to name you uniquely but you didn't gave yourself that name. That's like Taylor Swill. Hailey Alexis. God bless you. My baby daddy came back to me and the whole time he has a new girlfriend and a baby on the way. I asked him if it was true and he denied all of it, of course. Why does he continue to come back if all of this is true? See, that's old time strangling them. That's old time strangling them. See, most people don't like how you hear you getting relationship knowledge and you learning about different perspectives or relationships and different scenarios. And so you pick up terms like soul ties. And so him, a lot of men don't go seek help. So a lot of men are struggling and being strangled by a soul tie and don't even know what it is. They don't understand that emotional bond, that emotional connection. And so they don't understand why they tied to you like that and what the brain released when they was with you. And then they don't take the time to heal before they deal. So he go jumping something else but he just reopened the wound. He'd never healed. So he go get with her but he's still, you know, damaged and hurting and lost from when he was with you. So you kind of got to understand that that sometimes a person is addicted to you, not in love with you. And it's a difference. It's just like somebody who play what they know. They don't love it, they're addicted to it. They don't love it because it's destroying their life but they're addicted to it. And so that's how relationships could be. Person might not want to be in that relationship but they just can't break that tie because they don't even understand what they're dealing with. They haven't taken the time to identify what was wrong with it and what's wrong with them and what's wrong with their approach and what's wrong with what y'all had going. Boss says, God bless you. Hi Tony, dating five months. He hasn't tried me. Is this normal? In our day and age, it's not normal but just because it's not normal does not mean that it's a red flag. Does not mean that it's a bad thing but I would imagine if you've been with other men who I would imagine a lot of them tried you within five months. So normal is just based on your life. If every man you deal with in the first five months don't try you, then it's normal. If every man you done dealt with and tried you and then he hasn't, then it's not normal. But a grown man, a real man is not normal today. So when you meet somebody that's different from other men that could be a good thing but it still takes some discretion, some discernment because you also wanna make sure that it is something that's pure. You wanna make sure that he's not trying you because of his respect for you and his relationship with God and not that it's because he's taking care of in that area because of an it to aren't arguing or he like men. So you gotta just pay a little closer attention and just kinda see what's the root of this decision. Kiddie God bless you. Men I have met tend to be turned off when they learned that I have been married before to the father of my two children. Why is it a turn off to some men? Well, you know, some men gonna have different quirks and stuff like that, but it's not really a turn off. It's not really a turn off to the men. It's really just an escape. If a man ain't want you already, it's like that anything will do. So it really is a coincidence that right around that time because you being married is not a bad thing because that's not worse than you having children. So, and it's actually better that you were married to your children's father because that show like, hey, that was real what you went through. Like y'all went all the way to the altar. So a grown man who want you, that's not gonna be, that's part of life. But a grown boy, any excuse will do. Anything will do. Pinky, y'all gotta forgive me if you hit my doll. Man, I'm making all kind of noise. It's a Morky and that little Yorkie in that Morky. They ain't be on my nerve, but hey, she cute though. Pinky God bless you. I just wanted to reiterate that you weren't wrong before. Being a grown boy slash girl is not being a aren't it? It wasn't an aren't it? And so that he helped the FBI create the profile of people like him. Pink, I appreciate you, but be honest with you, I really don't think any of us know what we talk about when we talk about that word. Everybody is interpreting it, you know? And unless, unless, and that's what I tell y'all, unless you a doctor and you didn't study that, meaning your doctorate, you had to really go into the depths of that and study that personality trait and that disorder, none of us will fully understand it. And then some people say, hey, well, I done been in a relationship with one of them, but what they don't, what a lot of people don't understand is that the more relationships you be in, you start to realize that every man is capable of murder. Every man is capable of driving you to look out. Every man is capable of those things. Every single man, that's why we have wars. And when you look at war, what do you think the men are over there doing? These men is signing up to go do that to people they've never met and never did nothing to them. Don't even know the real reason why they over there, but they over there looking through a scope, taking somebody out and don't even really know the real reason, because the real reason is classified. That ain't told to them soldiers. So what you gotta realize is that same mindset that can get in a boxing ring, get in an MMA ring. When you look at the stuff that we do as men, it actually is, it don't make sense. Like the matadors, you get in there with a bull for what? Bull riders, you riding a wild animal for what? Boxers, you have chosen MMA, you have chosen a living to get kicked and punched in the face for what? I played football for 14 years. I had six documented concussions. I had several others that were not documented. Only God can protect me from what could come from that. But I look at that and say, for what? All for sport and entertainment. So what I try to help y'all understand about men is that every single man is capable of the thing that you went through in that worst situation with that man. And it's literally one thing. It's literally one interaction. All of us capable of what Ted Bundy did. And a lot of men have done that in worse and never got caught. Some men just did it. It's men that I know who just did it to their own kind, to other men, to other men of their race. Did it to a man. Think about this. You have men today at a large scale going and taking somebody's life because they live on a different street. You have men who are taking the life of other men because they wearing the wrong color. Oh, I will read, you will blue. Boom, that'll go your life. I don't care nothing about your mama. I don't care nothing about your mama crying, your sister crying, I don't care nothing about your kids. This is what these men are saying. I don't care nothing about your kids growing up without a daddy. Ain't like what you said about me in that rap. Boom, that'll go your life. You see what I'm saying? So this is what I try to tell y'all like you have to just recognize behavior and not get so caught up in labels because a label could deceive you and you could say, hey, this right here, label is not that common. And then you drop your guard and the person you dealing with, you never saw it coming. But when you in expectation and you ready for it and then you know yourself, then you know yourself, then you have to realize what you can and can't reinforce regardless of any labels because even when you see a label, it's all subjective because it comes down to interpretation. So that's what you have to realize you have to be very careful. But now to what you said, I believe you that I do think that the word, the actual word, the application of the word is much more rare than we think. But what I'm describing is very common but sometimes when I describe grown boys, so many people say that's a narcissist. And what I'm telling people is if that is a narcissist, then that's nine out of 10 men, what I'm describing. And so, but that disorder is not that common that it's nine out of 10 men. And so that's what I'm saying is you got to be careful with the labels and I agree like with what you're saying is, yes, Ted Bundy, that's a whole nother classification over there. And he went all the way through with that. Now, other men, several men capable of that but don't go all the way through with it. And it may not go all the way through with it because they have an interaction with a father, an interaction with a wife, an interaction with a mentor, an interaction and it changes their path. So you got to be, we got to be very mindful of what we're saying, what we labeling. And that's why I just, I stay away from that stuff. And I describe the behaviors, but I ain't looking for a label for it. Janelle, God bless you. How can you speak on women attracting younger men one to five years younger without realizing the guy is younger or a guy not realizing that the email is older? That's nothing, it's just normal attraction. One to five years, you inside of a safe zone. If it's a guy that's 10, 15 years younger than you, that's when it's a red flag. But one to five years, that's just normal attraction. That's just normal attraction because you're still so close in age. So that's really nothing. Boozy Cube and God bless you now. Dated a prior veteran, everything started good, but he has passed from but shut down. He told me he sees me as his wife, but he's not consistent, any advice. Pass veteran could or could not mean anything. Sometimes men know certain things and that they could utilize as an excuse or kind of as they skate go, oh, I went through this. Like me having all them concussions, I could say, hey, my temper is because all my concussions. That could or could not be true. But so you never know when somebody utilized and they passed to do something to you. So whether that's true or not, you just got to look at the act that they're doing. So regardless of what he went through, if he's been inconsistent with you, go about your business because a man is not going to be inconsistent with a woman that he sees as his wife. God bless you. Felling love and had to leave after four months because he was showing grown boy signs. Two months later, he has cancer. Should I stay and hold them down because I still love him or cut my losses because he was acting up before the fact? That's a personal choice. What you could see that if you're not in physical danger or your life is not in, you know, he's not that type of guy, then you could see that as you were putting his life to make his transition easier. You know, if what he has is cancer, let's say if it's terminal, then you could see that as you're in his life and you don't only have to be a relationship, you could be a friend to him and be there for him as a support system. What that means is that does not mean that you allow him to use you, to dog you out, to talk down to you or for you to be any type of, you know, scapegoat or anything like that, punching back because of what he's going through. But if he's gonna treat you with respect and be a good person and he could be transitioning, then that could be the blessing that you are to him. And it could, that experience, you still gotta protect yourself, but that experience could teach you some things and help you learn some things and grow. And so you never know why you cross paths with a person, reason, season, or lifetime. Janelle, God bless you. Okay, thank you. I tried to book a consultation, but they said you weren't taking clients. That's correct, Janelle. But we have several other coaches on MyMentor.life that you could work with. So go to MyMentor, you know, we got several coaches on there. Read the bios and you'll be in good hands. You'll be all right. Caramel Kiss is right there. She is a coach, I believe, on MyMentor.life. So you got several coaches on here that's in this here, chat. That's coaches on there. Janelle, God bless you. Went on a nice date with a guy last January. No kiss or a, we never went on another date, but it was definitely a connection. Now he's hitting me up a year later. Should I entertain him? Well, what you got to ask yourself is do you have the time to waste? Because if y'all had a connection and then he, y'all, he fell off. That obviously means he either went through something in life that took him away from you or he went back to his age. So he already was with a woman and he tried to make it work with her because that's so old-time or that love or whatever it was. So you have to ask yourself, if you give him another chance and it doesn't work out, are you going to be heartbroken and devastated? Or will you say, hey, it was an experience. I'll chalk it up as a lesson. I'll be all right. If the answer is yes, you're gonna be heartbroken and devastated beyond repair, then no, don't look back. So it all depends on what your heart can handle. Hi, been with my boyfriend two and a half years. We have 18 month old twins. Do not live together, has two other kids. We've been through a lot. He's not ready to move in. We argue a lot. I don't feel like a real family. How to stick it out. When a situation like that, you're not sticking it out. You know, you like in a boxing match when somebody on the ropes and they just taking all them blows and they on the ropes and they just doing the rope or dope, rope or dope like that right there, that's how you are right now. You throw in the towel on a situation like that. So he's a grown boy. It's been two and a half years. He still ain't got it together. You need to be a whole mama to your 18 month old twins but you so stressed out from dealing with his drama. You will be better off by just cutting him off and just saying, listen, there's too much stress for, there's too much stress. I need to be a hundred percent for our kids. So I'm gonna have to get my distance from you because you know, and you don't have to tell him that if you don't want to, if you know he ain't right here but you just gotta stop letting him get to you. Stop arguing with him. So you make it up in your mind that, hey, this done and you stop arguing with him and you stop giving him, you stop biting the bait. You know, stop expecting and depending on him and you do what you can do and do what you have to do. If that means put him on child support, do what you have to do but you can't keep going back and forth trying to make a man who already, who is a grown boy, he already got other kids. Now he got kids with you and he still ain't being a man for nobody. So that lets you know he's a grown boy. I have two side hustles selling on Poshmark and eBay. I have no social media presence, very private but it's hurting my business. What advice do you have? Well, since you're gonna have to get unprivate, you know and then you don't have to be you but you could create a Instagram in the name of your store and you post your same product that you post on Poshmark and eBay. You post them on your Instagram. You use all the hashtags that you see, the bloggers and the people selling on there using. Use all the relevant hashtags. So now it's not showing you, you're still private. So your Instagram can be no different than your Poshmark and your eBay where it's not your personal life, it's just your products. So hop on on there like that. Spiro's God bless you. Two year toxic relationship. Polly. Not Polly, like Polly Amory. Let me look at you with my good eye. Okay, all right, y'all are nothing. Two year toxic relationship. Polly, over six months ago, had a son working on healing in three bees wondering what kind of energy you see want to stop attacking grown boys, uh-huh, uh-huh. I can't see no energy on here cause you picture too little, but if that Polly mean what that mean, what you say, a legman, two women, her and I not intimate. Okay. Just that's a part of your problem right now. That part of your problem. So what you have to do is you're gonna have to go through a season of really learning relationship boundaries. You don't have to really learn what you deserve, you know, what you worth in a relationship so you can set those boundaries. And I'm gonna tell you all right here. On, Kev, what's going on in the world? You can't ever feel, you can't allow yourself to feel low enough to not feel like enough for a man. You got to know that you are enough for a man and if a man want more than you, then he don't deserve you at all. You can't give in to society and you can't give in to, oh, that's just how a man is. No, you're enough for a man and you have to know that and you got to believe that and you can't give in to anything other than that because that's what's feeding those spirits. That's what's bringing in all that negativity and that's why you feeling like attacking grown boys. You ain't gotta attack a grown boy. You just ignore a grown boy. You walk off on a grown boy but you open that up when you get into that polygamy stuff. When you get into that, you saying I'm not enough for one man. You saying I don't deserve a whole man to myself. You saying I'd rather have half a man than no man at all and you telling that man that you not enough and you reinforcing that situation and so you have to know that you worthy of love from a man by yourself without him cheating on you, stepping out on you and all the extra stuff. It's a God bless you. What does it mean if a man still follows his ex on Instagram and lied to you about it? He also got this on by his family. I really like him. And Instagram lied to you about it. It just means that he still have a soul tie with her and that he don't wanna hurt her feelings and he kinda leaving that door open and that if you go into that situation and he's not over her, you kinda set yourself up for failure. So if you get with him and you fall in love with him and then you get left for her or you catch him cheating with her, then that'll be because you ignored his red flag. When a man break up with his ex, he gonna remove her from his life and he got this on by his family. So he could be sensing a little bit of abandonment there and he may still wanna hold on to the strongest tie he has in his life, which may be his ex. So if you go trying to get in the middle of that, you could end up a casualty of his spiritual warfare. You could also end up a rebound and getting dogged out. So if you see and you know first hand that a man has not healed before he deals and he has a tie so strong that he has to lie to you about it, instead of just saying, hey, yeah, I still follow my ex online cause it's nothing. Instead, he lied to you about it. That's a huge red flag and you would be, you know, making a bad decision to continue to move forward with that when he's showing you where his heart is at right now. He's emotionally unavailable to you. Janira God bless you. I've been dating my boyfriend for seven months now. He has mentioned, what time is it? I think a football game on. I hit my wife and my son in the next room. I've been dating my boyfriend for seven months now. He has mentioned marriage on the slide. Is that a good sign? Thank you for your knowledge. Yeah, that's a good sign that he even bringing it up, but don't let that mentioning it on the slide. Don't let that law you to sleep. Don't let that make you think you married. Don't let that make you think you didn't got something just cause he told it out, didn't I? So you still have to have a timeline in mind. And I see it's a personal choice if you want to bring up marriage. The downside, one of the cons to bringing up marriage is you can make a man feel like you're giving him an all tomato. And that takes away his agency. That takes away his opportunity to show you he loves you and he sees you as a wife and getting on one knee and proposing to you because you brought it up to rush him. So 12 months, that's how long you give a man that you like and who doing the right thing. 12 months. And that 12 month mark, that's when you start to really evaluate, is this my husband? Do I see him as my husband? Do I feel like we going somewhere? Between that 12 month mark and that 18 month mark, he should be proposing to you if he sees you as his wife and he's a grown man and he understands life and he understands the purpose of life and he understands love and he understands connection and he understands commitment. He will not leave you as a girlfriend if he understands those things and he's a grown man. He won't leave you as a girlfriend and expect you to be doing everything a wife do. Arielle, God bless you. Thank you for the grown boy series. It is the reason I healed. You are God sent. Hey, bless you, bless you, I appreciate that. Irene, bless you. My brother's partner isn't nice to my mom and I. My brother wants us to be nice to her regardless of how she treats us. I stopped talking to him and her. You did the right thing. You did the right thing. You know, you did the right thing. And at the same time, I know you just got to look at are you just seeing it your way? Was you a little rude to her? Was you a little condescending to her? Was y'all a little, you know, disrespectful to her cause y'all wanted her to kiss y'all behind? And then when she wasn't willing to kiss y'all behind then y'all started, you know, talking about she being disrespectful but she just really was responding to y'all energy. So you got to be very transparent. You got to be honest with yourself and that's the hardest thing to do. That's the hardest thing to do. And I had to get my wife and my sister together. I had to get them together and I had to let both of them know, like listen, ain't gonna be no fighting over me now. And what I'm gonna do for y'all as I see fit had to let my sister know my wife come first. My wife come first. Cause that's my commitment. I, you is not my wife and you not my daughter. So you belongs to another man meaning your husband when you get married and your daddy. My wife come first. Don't worry about what my wife got. Don't worry about what my wife get. Don't worry about how much money I spent on my wife cause that's my wife. I had to let my sister know that. And I had to let my wife know, listen, don't worry about what I do for my sister because that's my sister, that's my blood, that's my one and only sibling. So if my heart feel led to be a blessing to her that she in need, I'm gonna do that. And just because she had been rude to you in the past don't allow that to keep your heart scorn cause you gonna block your blessings. So you have to forgive and you got to look at where she was in her life being beat on, being mistreated and understand that people operate from where they are. You got to be more mature than her. I had to let both of them know. And I let my mama and I let my sister know, listen, don't say nothing bad about my wife because if y'all disrespecting her you disrespecting me. So the man have to take control of that girl. Now if it's a girlfriend he doing too much but you also as a sister and a mama y'all got to look at yourself and make sure that y'all weren't disrespecting her overstepping your boundaries, talking bad about her to him and things of that nature. And if you being all the way honest then, you know and he just doing that then, you know then you ain't wrong. Fun time network. I just want you to know, hey, bless you now. I just want you to know you literally saved my life. It took me to continue to watch you for many months to break free of the torment I was in for five years with my kids dad who is forever blocked out of our life. He's one of those crazy you talk about one time network. Hey, God bless you, God bless you. Praying for you, bless you. Okay, you say I meant attracting, not attacking. Okay, yeah, y'all see how that word make a big difference and I'm like, are you attacking bro? It didn't matter. But you know what? I appreciate your insights and your time. Watch you every day heal tons. May God bless you and your beautiful family. Hey, thank you. Now the thing about it is when we use the term attracting what you have to realize is that attracting is not who approaches you. Attracting is who you settle down for. So grown boys will forever approach you because even flies want a steak. Even a garbage can want a steak. So grown boys will always approach you and try to talk to you. When you realize he a grown boy, if you keep talking to him, that's when you are attracting him, meaning that's when you are settling for him because he is a reflection of you because you attract what you are, not who walks up to you, who approaches you, but who you settle down with. That's your reflection. So if you're settling down with grown boys, that is a sign that you need to elevate mentally, spiritually and emotionally so that you and the grown boys are no longer on the same eye level. So keep doing this work that you're doing and by the work you're getting new knowledge. You understanding men better. You understand yourself as a woman better. You understand and love better. You understand relationships better and that's what's gonna help you. And may God bless you. Thank you for everything. 25 in school, work with women 15 plus years older than me. They are very mean at times. How do I handle it? Makes me hate the job. You know what? You always, I think it was Dr. Stephen R. Covey that say seek to understand, then be understood. When you're working with women that's 15 years older than you and they mean to you at times, what you have to realize is it ain't got nothing to do with you. It got everything to do with them. So when somebody nasty like that and they mean you can't let them steal your joy. You gotta make that, make you smile harder in their face. Yeah, just do it great. Okay, all right. She being mean, she being rude. Okay, thank you very much. Don't ever let them see you sweat. Don't you see you taking it personal. They mean because they low in life. They mean because they own a low vibration meaning they unhappy with themselves. They mean because they don't got dog, dog cheated on, beat on, disrespected. So they taking that out on you. They mean because you are what they wish they were. They mean because you and they vicinity and you working with them and you 15 years younger than them. So the women who choose to be mean that's just because of the lack in their life. So understand that, understand that. And you just got to smile in their face and keep going. Happy with it. And Tony, what are some good first date questions a man can ask to help her assess if a man is a grown woman can ask to help her assess if a man is a grown boy especially if she is attracted to him and distracted by the chemistry. Somebody else asked this question earlier but I see you got here a little late. You don't have to have a list of questions. You never want to have a list of questions because then it's like you first 48 you sitting there interrogating a man and your personality is thrown off. You can't just be you. Just have a normal conversation. And what you do is keep getting the knowledge about grown boys and you're gonna hear how he responds to just normal questions. Is he cutting you off? Is he over talking you? Is he doing giving you rude jokes? Is he talking too much about himself? Is he exaggerating, inflating the truth? How many alcoholic beverages does he have? Does he light up and smoke something? Does he ask you to pay for the check? Does he pay for the check? When you offer to pay half your half does he accept you paying your half? See, just pay attention. You don't have to go in there and this what y'all be doing is y'all become robotic. Just be natural. And what you got to do is just keep getting the knowledge. You're gonna know a grown boy when you see him because he gonna be arrogant. He gonna be rude. He gonna be condescending. He's gonna be crude. He gonna be nasty. He's gonna show little signs to where you like, this person is not that good of a person. Like he says some real condescending stuff. He says some real rude stuff. You gonna say you're a grown boy but you don't ever wanna go in there with just a list of questions. You have a normal condescending. So yeah, so what do you like to do? Okay, so yeah, what about like your family life? Like, you know, where would you raise? Oh, okay, was it mom and dad? Oh, okay, just your mom. Okay, that's pretty cool. Like a single mom, like she taught you some things. Like as a strong mom, what would you say is like one of the biggest lessons you got from her? Oh, okay. Well, do you have kids of your own? Oh, okay, awesome. So you know how often do you get to see him or spend time with him? Oh, okay. So see in his answers, he gonna be like, yeah, I got two kids, I hate, I hate they mama, man. It's like, oh my goodness. Like women could be so stupid. Like I just, but it's like you, you, you a little different. Like I see you a little different. I could tell your energy different, but it's like almost every other woman is like, oh. So you see what I mean? A grown boy gonna tell on himself in just normal conversation. Yeah, can you bring me a third glass of Hennessy? Thank you. Hennessy. Idiot, I said Hennessy, and he's my third Hennessy, and her dumb behind keep asking, Hennessy, I said Hennessy, dummy. You see what I mean as you sitting simmering with the grown boy, you gonna see he rho, he kinda send me. He got addicted, you got what I mean? And that's all, so just pay attention. They pay attention. Don't go in there. Y'all literally be going in there with your pen and pad, y'all be in there like this. So, do you have children? Okay, how old are they? Do you smoke? Okay, do you drink? Okay, do you have a degree? Are you Christian, Muslim, Hinduism? Oh. Mm-hmm, okay. All right, let me see how much else I need to know. See, that's how y'all will be. Even without the pen and paper, that's how you will look to the man and he'll be like, yeah, she's still, she's just, she's too in her head. Like, and so you're taking, turn off a good man by having set questions instead of just reading the room and just knowing what you know about grown boys and being able to just read his response. Risa, baby, God bless you. Thank you. With the 18 month twins, try to be patient but think I need to move on. I just don't know how he might stop helping paying for the sitter and I need to work. You know, do my favor. Go on my mentor.life and when you go on there and you click browse coaches, then you're gonna see the topic. When you click filter, click the filter, select co-parenting and do your session with a co-parenting coach to get you to walk through and get a whole plan. Cause see something like that, that deep, I can't really address that here because you need a whole plan. You need to be able to tell all about his history, his background, his behavior, his character, all of that, you know, because all that stuff matter. Whether he has a temper or not, is he a thug or not? You know, is he a shooter? You know, is he a fighter? Like all that stuff matter when you co-parenting with a man. Like what is history? His history and his biography equals the makeup of a man. So you need to really do a deep dive so you see how to move and maneuver because it could be a couple of moves you could make to where it kind of could de-escalate the situation and you could disarm him without triggering him and still get the help you need but also get the separation and the peace you need. And so you, but you need to talk through that and get an actual plan for you. So go work with a, you know, family therapist or a co-parenting coach. Fitness mom, God bless you. Naomi Fitness mom, sending this blessing to ask somebody a question for them that I missed in the chat. Asking for a friend. She been with him 14 years and have two kids and now he was talking to get married. He used to hit her when she would catch him cheating. She need to go on by the business. 14 years, come on now, come on now, come on now. What y'all, y'all think I'm gonna, oh yeah, 14 years. Yeah, they need to get, oh yeah, they need to go ahead. Oh, he used to hit her too. Oh, that's even better. They need to be together. Come on now, y'all, come on now, y'all. Come on now, come on now, come on. You need to help me say it. She need to go on by the business. She need to go on by the business. She need to run and not look back. Jalissa speaks, God bless you, now. Hi, Mr. G. Hey, don't get off here on hour and 20. I mean, 120, that'll be two hours. Starting to lose my voice on y'all. Hi, Mr. G, could you please help me finish my book and walk me through some things? I have the author,preneurship course. Still have some questions. How do you patent an idea? Do you think Mr. G would mentor me? Now, for a patent, that don't really have anything to do with being an author. And then with your book, email support at TonyGasin.com. I have an author consulting package that's $2,500 for A to Z help. But if that's not affordable, we have other author consultants that could help you. I just really don't have that kind of time. And just because of my workload and my wife, she doesn't coach or mentor for the same reason. It's just she just don't have that kind of time and just don't want to let nobody down. And so she doesn't even do paid sessions. So it just, it ain't her season yet cause she's still raising two young boys and that's where all her time and energy go. And even though she could be a coach and earn six figures, she won't do that just because she that serious about being 100% locked in and present for our sons because she has the ability to do that because of our businesses. So she's not in that space yet. And as far as the author consulting, just email in to support at TonyGasin.com. Now I probably missed a couple of those questions in, here goes Stacy Tolson. I see my ex-mom takes the role of dad and grandma for my son cause he's a mama's boy. She, I find I have anger towards her more than my ex for being overly involved. You know, you got to take yourself out of it. You got to take yourself out of it and you got to think about your child. Is your child being taken care of? Is your child being blessed? Does the child have what the child needs? Does the child appreciate her and love her? If so then you can't get jealous and territorial because you laid down with him. And so we have to deal with the consequences that come with mission those red flags. You know, you overlooked that he was a grown boy before you slept with him, before you got pregnant. So now it's like to make the situation better you can't focus on and get upset about and dwell on something that you cannot change because he always gonna be your child father and she's always gonna be his mother. So you just have to make the best of that situation by saying, as long as she ain't hurt my child, long as she ain't disrespecting, then okay, we'll be all right. She go to overstepping boundaries and trying to raise your child and tell you what to do. That's when you got to put her in her place politely as an adult and let her remind her that that child came out of you, not out of her. Thank you for everything. I'm 25 in school, work with women, 15 plus years older than me. Okay, I did get that one. Okay, I got that one. I was trying to scroll up to see. Okay, I miss Naomi, I got the other ones. Okay, I'm trying to scroll up. I see if I miss any of the ones. Morning side, God bless you. Now, let me see something. Now make sure you have the hashtag Q. I see, I'm 22, he's 26. Both college grads together almost two years, not on our backs. He moved home to Texas for a career recently and wants me to come smart to choose to go to dental school out there before rain. That's a personal choice. If you feel like that's your husband, then there ain't nothing wrong with going to dental school out there. If you feel that strong, it's been about two years, y'all ain't on your back. That means he's a good man. You know, unless you like men, but if you know he like women and he ain't got you on your back, that mean that he cherish you, he respect you, and he willing to do it the right way. That's a good man. So if he wants you to be out there and be with him, that also means he don't want no funny business because if he was happy that you're gonna be somewhere else, that could be a red flag that he gonna get him a little chinin, get him a little dayn in, but he wants you to be out there with him. So that mean he wanna keep doing it the right way. He wanna keep you close because he see you as his wife. So if you could go to dental school anywhere in the country, might as well go on out there if that could be the love of your life. Unique Queen X requested me on IG after one year of no contact. I blocked him on everything. He made a new page. Why is he back? Sis, I'm not that kind of, I'm not a prophet or you know, somebody that do that they're not. But cause I really don't know why he'll be back, but if that's your ex, what you gotta remember is why is he your ex? He your ex for a reason. And so based on that reason, depending on that reason should determine whether you need to entertain him. But obviously, you know, a year, no contact. He didn't change. He didn't grow. He didn't attract the wife. So he just may have what I call the black book. I call it the black book syndrome. When a man leave you or get left by you, he try to go to what he thinks is an upgrade. But if he doesn't grow and change, that upgrade becomes a downgrade. And then he pull out that black book to see who he was with last. And then he go back to you to see if you still standing still. If you leave that door open, that means you still standing still. So he's not gonna respect you any more that time than he did the time before. So if he didn't respect you the first time, he most likely ain't gonna respect you the next time unless it's an exception to the rule. And you'll know that just by being able to look at him or you know, just see if he then gave his life to Christ and he living right doing the right thing. Me and my guy haven't spoken a week. We were together for seven months, but have been dating for over a year. We worked together. So it hurts just being in his presence. Hey, God bless you with that sis. It might be the end of the road. Cause y'all was dating for a year and only been together seven months. That right there is a red flag in itself. Cause typically a man go only date you for three months before he make you ask you to be his woman. So that's a red flag in itself. And so now this just might be, you know, the time to part ways instead of just keep digging a deeper hole with a man who don't want you to begin with. Leticia Davis, God bless your mind. Cause and confess he married his wife because of her physical appearance. They met on black people meet. They only been married for two years going on three. He cheated on her with his ex all last year. Wife seems nice, your thoughts. Well, eventually she gonna find out and then she gonna realize the problem with me men online. Then Lord willing, she gonna stay off a line to meet men on dating sites because your cousin is a degenerate. And so that's why he going dating sites because a lot of men who get on dating sites ain't worth the length they got in their pocket. And that's why they go on there to hunt to see women as prey. Cause it's a smorgasbord. And so they get on there and they get them a woman and then get the woman for the wrong reasons, married a woman to make it look real. So now his wife and my comments arguing with me when I tell them that online dating is not real for a man. She arguing in my comments that she met her husband and they done been married and she don't even know that the husband she met online been sleeping with his ex all last year. And so now she gonna find out in a little bit, hopefully had a strength to divorce him and then he gonna go back to his ex most likely. Cause his ex thinks she done lost something so he use that marriage really to get back to his ex to get back at his ex. Y'all notice a lot of grown boys will leave you and then be married in a few months be with another woman. It's really just to make you feel cause we know we want what we can't have. People want what they can't have. Okay, so Naomi did you miss the young lady who paid a donation to ask the question for you? Yes, you did. Because now you asking the same question, ain't you? Cause somebody asked your question. Oh, so you come in and say, okay, let me get a little more of a coaching session. They only 14 years, two kids and he only pays half the rent while I pay half the rent. Cable, insurance and groceries always have to ask for money to get groceries. Should he get it on his own? Well, since it just show you the kind of man that you with. So, you know, you can't expect milk from a duck. You got to have your cow to get milk. You should, I mean, so you can't expect something from a grown boy that you done been with this man 14 years. So what he should do and what he gonna do is two different things because he's not a man. So yes, he should get it. But it's a whole lot he should be doing. You know, if the other questions I looked like it said, y'all been together 14 years and ain't married. So if a man will be with you 14 years and won't marry you, that tell you what kind of man he is. You really can't expect him to do nothing but stay the race he is and die. Stay black and die. Like we used to say, I ain't got to do nothing but stay black and die. That's all, you know, we used to say that. That's all you can expect from him because he even showed you who he is. So in a situation like that, you know, hey, if you get tired of asking them, stop asking them. But then just know, make sure you have your plan. Hey, Tony, why do guys feel the need to tell another girl about the troubles that he's going through with his girl? You know, that's his therapy. That's his therapy. A lot of men won't go to therapy, won't get coaching. So they find them another woman that's gonna listen. And then a lot of times, that woman get the feeling special because she thinks she an empath and she thinks then she go to getting jealous of the woman because now the woman thinking that the other woman is taking this good man for granted. So now this woman on the side who is the counselor, she go to giving all this advice and then she ready to get on her back. She ready to get on her back. So a lot of times a man will use that to play on the nurturing side of a woman who wants to be a nurturer and an empath and all of these things. And then he could end up getting her on her back and get some sympathy in. So that's what happened a lot of times. And he told me we could be forever if you play it right. Also said wanted to marry me and see me having his kids but then all of a sudden disappeared for two days. I blocked him on everything one year. So I mean, unless it was a medical issue that he disappeared for two days or some type of depression then you already know what it was. You already know what it was. Anytime a man ghost you, you need to ghost him for good because he don't respect you. He playing with your heart. He don't want you gone by the bit. Scott Connick, how do I get the man who I've been in a situation with to get in a committed relationship with me? Well, Scott, that's gonna be hard. That's gonna be hard because again, when you put the cart before the horse then horses say, we ain't going no well. We ain't got to go no well now. Hey, y'all seen she put the cart in front of us? Hey, we off today. Hey, you get ready to go so well with a teeth in your mouth. Hey, you thought you were going so well there. You see she put the cart in front of us. We ain't going nowhere today. Man, let me turn around and eat me some hay. That's how it is with a man. Once you get on your back and you become friends with benefits and you go to having this here situation ship, that's what he starts to see you as. So in order to go from situation ship to relationship that really has to be on him because anything you do to try to manipulate that situation, it could backfire. So the only thing you could do is go to him with an open heart and say, listen, I made a mistake and we went too fast and we sleeping together and I just really don't want to live that life. So I just feel like, you know, we all not sleep together anymore and we ought to decide if this is for us. And then you can have that conversation but even at that, it's a gamble because you don't know if he gonna feel like you're giving him an ultimatum and he stays with you so that he can hurt you worse because you tried him like a basal or it could work out. He say, you know, you're right. I didn't know that you didn't like this situation we got going on and you honestly deserve more. So it's a 50-50 gamble and you got to be okay with the bed that you had made and you just got to watch the signs. Sabrina, God bless you. I was talking to a guy and we were talking every day. He offered to fix something for me in the house but then ghosted it, what do you think? I try not to think about ghosts, okay? And you shouldn't either. So if a man ghost you, that mean nine out of 10 times it's another woman. That one out of 10 times is depression, lost somebody in his family, some went wrong but nine out of 10 times is he went back to his girlfriend, his ex-girlfriend, his ex-wife, if he went back to the woman he got a soul tied with. So when that happened, you got to treat him like Casper the ghost and go on about your business. Let's try. Are y'all watching Tony's videos? I find them very beneficial, not the most recent but all of them. Be blessed ladies. For niece, she says y'all watching the video cause she say some of y'all with each question y'all asking, some of y'all ain't watching the video. Jennifer Thompson, God bless you. You know, people be watching the video but it's like people, I get it. It's human nature. People want you to answer their question for them. They know the answer but sometimes confirmation could be greater than revelation. So I'm not revealing anything that y'all ain't know. I'm just confirming what you already know and sometimes that confirmation give you the strength to go on ahead and move on with your life. 34, 34 male no kids, struggling artists slash community activists, great public image, stole my money, my car number. While sleep blocked him, healed three bees. How to avoid this? He was so believable. And now you know what be out here. And now you see this right here? He is a great, he has a great public image. 34 stole your money and your car number. While you were asleep. Now I call the police on his butt. They might say, man, that's a civil matter. We can't really, no, no, that's death right there. I'd call the police on his butt because you doing a disservice to the rest of the community to the rest of the world by letting them go scot free. I call the police on his butt. Tell on him, I told on his butt. And so now listen. Now that's right there is why y'all see why I don't be stamping anybody. And that's why I tell y'all, don't be putting nobody names in my comments. Oh, go watch this person. Go watch that person. Let them do their own marketing. I don't ask y'all to go on such and such page and put my name in their comments. Let them do their own marketing because you don't know people. Person could have a great public image and be a nasty dog behind closed doors. That's why you really don't see me collaborating and doing tours and doing stuff with people unless I know them personally. Unless I've been around them, sat with them, talked to them, looked them in the eye. That's why I don't say go follow this person because they doing this because I don't know that person. And I know a lot of people could be a wolf in sheep's clothing. And so that's why I be telling y'all like, listen, don't just be throwing people name around that you don't know. If you ain't really sat up under that person and really, really been all the way in and don't put my name on nobody else page either because that's disrespect in their space because if you ain't met me personally or you just ain't got no deep discernment from God, if that ain't your gift to be able to read a person and tell if they're real or fake, you don't know who you listening to online if they're real or fake. It's a lot of fake people out here. But see, I know that because I'm out here. I'm in the industry. So I hear about people because of what I do. So when other people who do what I do mess up, then people be looking for somebody to come talk to. And so I know that's why you don't hit me saying nobody name till I get to meet them in normal personally. Bonnie God bless you now. If a guy gave me his number in a professional capacity can tell he likes me. If he doesn't reach out to me, does that mean he's not interested, involved, or should I wait and see? Well, you don't wait and see in the sense of like waiting for him and turning down other men, but you do wait and see meaning by not reaching out to him making the first move. Don't ever make the first move on a man because a lot of times a man will do that to see if you weak, to see if you desperate, to see if you know what a queen is or if you a concubine. So a lot of times men today they giving y'all day number time I call me, but that's a setup. Don't ever make the first move on a man because he the one got to get on one knee. He the one supposed to protect and provide. So he the one need to initiate the contact if he into you. Naomi, Naomi, you need a coaching session. Should a man pay all the bills instead of just half the rent? Should he also make groceries without me asking him to do it? Yes, he should. Yes, he should pay the bills and yes, he should get the groceries. He should do that. A man should be a provider. Black feminine looks, God bless. Hello, Mr. Gaskins. Winter here, 23. Can the 20 somethings who are abstaining get a how to date series slash Academy class from you? I've been abstaining from that for two years and started a podcast about my journey. Yeah, I probably think about doing that sometime here on YouTube. I got to look at my demographics and just see how many of y'all along here to make sure I ain't just talking to no wall. Angela, God bless you. Can you read my photo? Wonder what men see. Thank you for all your videos. I've learned so much has truly blessed me and I get a good laugh in. God bless. Angela, I can't really see you that good. Now from right here, you look like a dope boy girlfriend. Look like a dope boy girlfriend because they have got some sheen on it and it's laid down real nice and bone straight and I see them big hoop earrings look like poking out. So with that right there, a man gonna say, yeah, she a rider. She'll move these keys up and down the highway with me. She a rider. If a woman on light, get on my nerves, I can send her to put them hands on her. So a man gonna look at you and he gonna say, yeah, she a rider. She'll do for me. She'll be right there with me. So, you know, to change that right there, you have to take the hoop earrings off now and you know, switch it up, get you some little studs sometimes, you know, half style, you know, switch that up a little bit every now and then. Every now and then throw your red lip on, just throw them off, you know, and you always have to look at, see, one thing we gotta realize, we always have to look at our influences. So a lot of times we influence by the media. So people gonna put us in the same category with the media. So if you say, look, okay, I'm influenced by this R&B singer. I'm influenced by this rapper. I'm influenced by this stripper. If you take, I'm influenced by this celebrity. If you take and get their hairstyle and you emulate their hairstyle, you emulate their style, but this rapper, this rapper is a gangster rapper, then people gonna see you in that same light. If you take and you say, well, I like Michelle Obama and you go and get Michelle Obama outfit, you get Michelle Obama hairstyle, people gonna look at you and see you like, you know, a diplomat, like the first lady. They gonna look at you and see you. So it's just a thing what we going through is like a lot of women watching Atlanta Housewives and going and copying their style because the media dictating this stuff. A lot of women watching these rappers and these singers and men too. That's why you see so many men going to get a sleeve of tattoos. Everybody getting a sleeve of tattoos. Everybody getting all this because they looking at what's in the media and what's being praised on the media. So then we put them in the same category. So you'll see some men walking around here and they look like they got money because they got a sleeve of tattoos and they tall. And we used to seeing so many NBA players who tall with a sleeve of tattoos. So you're like, hey, what team you play for? And he's like, oh, me? Oh, I don't play ball. I just, I just like the way, you know, I just like the way LeBron James look with the tattoos. I just went and got him a tattoo, but yeah, ain't got no money. And that's how, and so people are like, oh, I'm finna get me a baller. And then you got you to somebody that broke busted and disgusted, but he just been emulating what he see the rappers or the ball players doing. Same thing with the women. So sometimes you have to look at your influence. I used to have six gold teeth. A lot of the time people tell me, me and Ply's sound are like, well, we from the same area. We like our cities like two hours apart. So a lot of times you hear me talk and you hear the rapper Ply's talk. That's cause we from very close in Florida. I used to have six gold teeth. Just saying Ply took a gold teeth fight cause when the gold teeth, it put you in a category. So I took my six gold teeth fight, now I just got my teeth. And then, so if I'm on here with six gold teeth, you just gonna see me a certain way. I used to have a long gold teeth. I ain't had this right here. I just had a long gold teeth. You're gonna see me a certain way. I used to have braids. I used to have dreads, little twists, little dreads. So when I had them twists, them braids, them plaques with six gold teeth and the long gold teeth and the big diamond chains on, so then it's like, you gonna look at me and put me in a class. But then when I change my look, now it's like, okay, now you're gonna put me in another. You see what I mean? So sometimes we have to look at our influences and then see where we get our fashion sense from and stuff like that. And then that helped us realize how people perceive us. Whether they write a wrong perception is reality, even if it's just their reality. Tony, how do men view soul ties in a six month relationship and six month relationship, if he claimed to like you and have feelings, do they ever forget you even if they left? You missed my super chat earlier, so ask him again. Hey, I'm glad you asked again since I miss your super chat. If he got a normal memory, no, he's not gonna forget you until it's just too many years past. I'm pretty sure it's some women in my past that I talked to for six months that I don't remember. But the thing about it is what will make a woman forgettable is if a man was lying to you. So just if he said he had feelings for you, but then he left you in six months, then he obviously didn't really have feelings for you. He obviously didn't really like you. And so he'll move on, he may remember you, but it's not like he's gonna miss you or anything like that. So you can't get caught up worrying about that. Like, I wonder how he think about me. I wonder does he miss me? Cause when you doing that, you blocking your blessings. You blocking what's coming for you. Hey, y'all, I'm a phone about to die. So I got to go. I just looked up and see I went too, too, too long. Would you be able to read my picture, Mr. Tony? Hey, God bless you. No, I can't, cause I can't even see you. Cause your message then pop up to the top. You in the chat right there. So I cannot see you. Cause on this right here, it looked like you ain't got no legs. So I can't, I cannot see you at all, sister. And listen now, y'all, I ain't no reader, okay? I'm not one of those who work for them spirits out there. Be reading people. That's not what I do. I could read people. I mean, I could tell you what perception says, but I'm not a reader. So don't y'all get on here and go to think this one of them tarot pages, Lee, this one of them tarot pages, and y'all sending me money to tell them I read, me listen, I work for the Lord. Okay, I'm saved. Okay, I'm saved, sanctified, hold it, go, feel. All right? I really can't be on here. Ah, answer my post. Tonya, Sharad, Tonya, you should have put your question right there. Cause I seen this one say, Tonya, I hope you get to answer my post. So post your question again. I really didn't, I didn't get to see you. Sarah, God bless you. I ended something when I realized he just wanted casual. I didn't make a fuss about his mixed signals, but he keeps contacting over five months since. Should I stay away? Yes, stay away. If a man tell you he just wanted casual, that mean he don't see you as a wife. That mean he see you as a do-girl. He see you as a jump-off. He see you as a friend with benefits. And so that's what he wants you at in his roster. When you stood up for yourself and you walked away, it upset him because you became the one who got away. So it's like having a big fish on the line and it get off, you know it's in the waters. So you gonna keep coming back with some new bait, with some new bait, with some new bait, till you with a stronger line, with a stronger pole, till you get that big fish on that hook again and now you know how to reel it in. That's what he doing. Because a man never gonna tell you he only want casual if he see you as a wife. High tone and do you recommend blocking an ex who always tries to come back? Absolutely. Hey y'all, God bless you. Thank you so much for being on here. Now listen, listen to me. Let me hold this here chat for a little minute. You know, y'all hold on. Don't send no more questions. Don't send any more questions. All right, phone going dead. But listen to me. You know I try to come on here and the goal and the reason and the purpose why I come on here is just really trying to help, you know, level the playing field and share the male perspective because I know a lot of times daddies don't talk, brothers don't talk, men don't talk. And so after me breaking all these hearts and doing what I did, you know, God put it on my heart to come and just be open and honest. And so that's what I try to do. You gotta forgive me when the truth don't sit well with you when it's a little too real for you because the truth ain't always gonna be what you wanna hear. But the truth pressed down to the ground gonna rise again. But the thing what you also have to realize is you cannot wait on somebody's answer. You can't wait on me to give you no answer. You can't wait on you already knowing your heart what the truth is. You already know in your heart what the answer is. So you have to trust that and know that and use your common sense and use and trust your intuition and know that you go in the right way and you're doing the right thing. So understand that. So I appreciate y'all for being on here and to all the moderators for keeping the chat clear I really, really appreciate you. They try to keep the chat clear and just take everything off except for the question. So I really thank y'all moderators for being on here and helping out with that. They're not paid staff or anything like that. They just really support us on here on this channel and try to help out the best they can. So I really appreciate y'all and wish y'all the best and I'll get on here as I can and I never like to say when I could be on here cause my life always show me different. So when I'm free I post it on the community page and I'll hop on. So God bless you and we'll talk soon. All right, bless y'all now, let me see y'all.