 If you're currently in the dating marketplace, and that's what I call it, the dating marketplace, I'm sure you've noticed that there seems to be a habitual problem out there when it comes to meeting men and women alike. And that problem seems to be a lack of respecting one another in the process of getting to know one another. I know many of you who are baby boomers or Gen Xers remember a time when there was probably a bit more respect going on when you met someone new. There was a bit of courtesy. There were manners. There was even this word called chivalry that existed. I'm sorry I laughed. I shouldn't have laughed at that because a sense of chivalry, a sense of being a gentleman or a lady in the process of getting to know someone seems to be slowly deteriorating, not slowly, rapidly deteriorating. And it's no wonder there is so much frustration out there. If you're trying to meet someone to connect with you, trying to explore a long-term relationship with someone, and you're also trying to explore partnership with one another. And I think it's, I believe it's important to look at two of the primary causes of this disrespect. And in a moment that I'll share with you what I feel like emotionally healthy men truly appreciate in a woman. And in that sense of appreciation, we can genuinely respect a person. So one of the things I think has happened is the proliferation of dating advice out there. There is so much dating advice. Look, I'm out here giving dating and relationship advice. I think I'm more of a encourager of individual personal and development instead of specific and tailored dating advice. And yet there's so much dating advice out there that I think has caused a level of disrespect because to the person that's listening to the vice, you can oftentimes be doing something counterintuitive. I think one of the reasons for this is the book The Rules that came out about 20 years ago. And why I'll be candid with you, I disrespect the book The Rules because it's a lot of game-playing in the way, and it's short-term game-playing to, or it's a strategy of game-playing to trigger short-term responses. And why I say short-term responses, one of the primary fundamentals of the book The Rules is playing hard to get. And by playing hard to get, you trigger a man to want to chase you. In fact, many of you have been indoctrinated that men love the hunt and men love the chase. Well, do men walk around going, I want a relationship, I want a relationship, I want a relationship? What they're hunting when they're operating that or are they hunting physical connection with a person? Yes, we men are biologically driven to want to physically mate with someone. And to some degree, spread our seeds. So if we are on the hunt for something, it probably is that. So if by game-playing, you trigger that to make him chase you more, it's for a short-term benefit. And it's going to have long-term consequences from an emotional perspective. If you're a woman who attaches to a man through physical intimacy. There's a variety of different game-playing strategies out there from waiting before you text someone to write shorter text messages than he has. I mean, and then there's all these rules of what you shouldn't do. I remember sharing this last year, I was reading a blog, not a blog, a tweet from someone said, if a man doesn't offer to pay your valet on a date, you know, don't accept a second date. Well, I mean, what an entitled perspective. I'm feeling, why isn't she offering to treat his valet if he treated for drinks or dinner? And I'm being a little bit rhetorical here. But at the same time, why is so much dating advice operated from manipulation? And so imagine this. If men have experienced a lot of manipulation from women, how can they genuinely go into the process respecting someone? Now, let me just say this. Men have much to blame in this process too. Their behavior is absolutely atrocious. We have now become a society where we treat people less than a commodity, less than the piece of trash you pick up on the ground. You know, part of this is because in the early stages of dating, you're oftentimes meeting a total stranger. And yet, you know what fascinates me? Most human beings will treat the stranger at the grocery store with a greater level of respect than the person that they're about to meet for a first date. Isn't that sad that we've come to that place? Isn't it sad that there is such disrespect happening? It baffles my mind. And while not everybody is going to experience, let me reframe that, while you're going to experience, listen, you may have maybe only experienced this once or twice. There are many women out there that have experienced habitual disrespect in the process. Listen, I've oftentimes said most men are good guys. They're just bad daters. And I am guilty of this as well. I will tell you after my divorce, I was a train wreck in the dating marketplace because I wanted connection with someone. I wanted a level of companionship. I wanted physical intimacy. And yet I was completely incapable of leaning into commitment. I was going through a contentious divorce. I was having job issues. I lost my money in the crash of 2008 and 2009. I got addicted to drugs and alcohol as a way to numb the pain. I was a train wreck. And yet the drug of choice I had was actually one of the drugs. The choice was online dating to meet people just because there was something empty inside of me. I wasn't doing it intentionally to hurt someone. I was in so much pain that my pain bled into other people in the context of I didn't love myself. And when I didn't love myself, I treated people with a level of not disrespect. I wasn't treating from a level of coming from their point of view of how my actions... because I was so myopic into looking at what I wanted was a short-term fix. And sadly, we've seen a huge proliferation of people who are self-centric, and they want temporarily to fill their own needs of companionship connection and sex without any real understanding. And so it's no wonder. And the second reason I shared with you is the bad dating advice. The second thing that's happened in the last, I'd say five or 10 years are these devices, the swipe, these swipe devices for connecting with people because now we treat people as a, as not even a commodity as a, you know, as a, what's the word? There's like, oh, there's just an abundance of somebody else out there. And everybody is looking for the best person and they're swiping left on potentially good partners. Did you know that a recent study said that 80% of women on the dating apps are only swiping right on 5% of the men out there? That fascinates me if that is an accurate number. So what that means is everybody is vying for, you know, what they believe is to be the best. And they're bypassing a lot of good people in the process. And I think the dating swiping apps has bastard eyes. This process of getting to, to meeting someone and therefore it's causing a level of disrespect out there. Have you experienced this? If you have, please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. So how do we switch? How do we shift this narrative? How do we shift this narrative of respect? I think first and foremost, it's, well, okay, a couple of things. Most of you know, I've written a book called what the heck is self love anyway. It's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. Why do I recommend my book? By the way, there's a link below to all the books I recommend. I recommend my book is first coming from a place of feeling more secure within yourself, meaning you don't need someone to love you for you to feel good about yourself. You don't need someone to love you for you feel good about yourself. You don't need someone to call you 20 times a day to validate yourself. You don't need it. You may desire it, but you really don't need it. And yet we have now, because of these devices, we have this, this need for habitual validation. And I understand why this happens is when you think about it, there's such a level of. There's such a level of distrust and disrespect going on that it's difficult to actually trust the person you're with. Are they, do they have my best interest at hand? So it's no wonder we feel this need of constant validation because we're not. Actually, let me pause for a second. It's because most of the time the minute two people engage in a romantic relationship and their sex involved. They're not actually committed to one another. There's very little commitment to one another. There's a very little trust that's been built and yet we'll have physical intimacy with somebody that we listen. Trust isn't just about fidelity. Trust is does this person care about my feelings as much as I care about my own. And so we're kind of doing this ass backwards. What we should be focused on is developing a sense of trust by actually getting to know someone at a deeper level. In fact, that's what my whole private coaching program is about. By the way, there's a link below to schedule a free discovery call with me. Why I'm sharing this with you is one of the things I work with clients is teaching them the questions to ask a guy early on based on their own individual personality. Because I know there's the 36 questions that's in the New York Times or Washington Post that you ask on a date. I'm like, okay, those are great generic questions, but don't you want specific questions based on your personality, based on your desires and your lifestyle? So yeah, check out the link below to schedule a discovery call with me. The reality today is we have to be a detective to determine is this person emotionally mature enough to lean into a relationship or the emotionally unhealthy. And sadly, the vast majority of humans out there are rather dysfunctional in their emotional maturity and their relationship skills. Because if you're with someone who has poor relationship skills or poor emotional maturity, they're going to operate from their own perspective and not operate from a place of what can I give instead of what can I get? Yeah, sadly, here in the United States, we operate from a place of what I can get instead of operating from a place of where I can give. Now, I know many of you women are actual genuine givers. You operate like this T-shirt says, I've got your back. See, the back is missing and this person has it. Many of you operate from that loving kind place because you're natural givers. Not all of you, believe me, there are plenty of women who are entitled out there and there are plenty of women who don't respect themselves. They're what I call the doormats. And I, please, no disrespect by saying that, but when you operate by over giving, over giving and over giving, hoping to get something back, it's a misalignment in the relationship. Now, an emotionally healthy guy is naturally going to be a giver and he's naturally going to want commitment. But sadly, you've got to sift through the men who don't love themselves because the men that don't love themselves aren't able to lean into deeper intimacy. And when I mean love themselves, there's a level of self-reliance, self-respect, self-confidence, self-esteem and not, listen, I'm a human being that is riddled with emotional flaws. So I'm not here to suggest there is some sort of epiphany that a person reaches and they just reach this height. It's the human beings who are actively doing work to heal childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas, healing that work that allows them to step into deeper intimacy. This is why I continually recommend reading the book, The Hoffman Process. Do a deep dive into healing oneself so you actually become a repellent to people who are going to be dysfunctional. You know, one of the books I've lately been recommending to you all. And while I'm not a fan of everything in the book, I recommend this book because why men love bitches because bitch stands for babe in total control of herself. Yes, if you want to feel respected in a relationship, if you want to be that one person that, you know, one out of a million for the guy that I'm inviting you to lean into your empowerment. In addition, I invite you to understand the complexities of emotional intimacy. And if you're not familiar with this book by Robert Masters, I highly recommend checking this out because I'm going to lean into this in a moment. Emotional intimacy. Here's the thing. Men who are commitment oriented, men who have their act together, men who want to lean into a deeper connection with a person is thirsty for emotional intimacy and how these guys will feel respected. I'm going to share this with you for a second and it's only exclusive to these guys. So I wrote in my notes, here's my notes. So here's what men or guys respect instead of trying to love us, seek to understand us, seek to understand how we tick. Be curious about who we are as a person. Go deeper with intimacy because this builds a deeper bond for the long run. Men respect women who actually want to get to know them at a deeper intimate level. And again, these are the emotionally healthy men. The vast majority of guys are dysfunctional, just like the vast majority of women are dysfunctional. But I'm inviting you to go beyond, you want to be, my invitation for you is to be the different person, not the entitled, not the doormat, that person that's empowered. And not operating from an expected that men are supposed to do everything and you just sit back in your feminine energy and just wait to be claimed. That's not going to work. What's going to help you, at least this is my invitation for you, is to lean into deeper intimacy. So these are four things I want to share with you today. These are four questions you might want to ask your partner. In what way can I improve upon as a partner? We might not know our blind spot. By the way, I didn't write this content. I was actually reading this and observing this from a couple different resources. So I just want to share with you, I didn't make this up. And this is from previous content that I've read and books I've read and such. So in what way can I improve as a partner? In fact, I think I'll ask my girlfriend that next time I speak to her. What way can I improve as a partner? Number two, do you have any needs that you feel are being neglected? Do you have any needs? Do you feel they're being neglected? Each person has person's needs are different. This is a great question to invite in to build deeper intimacy, to build deeper trust, to build roots of real connection. Because when we're truly connected and appreciate another person, we actually respect them and want them in our lives. Number three, is there something I've done that you're still hurt over? What do you need for me to help you heal? This is a great question to add. Again, this is for the relationship that's a little bit more seasoned. In other words, there's established desire for long-term commitment. This is what's known as a withhold. What I mean to say is, there might be tension in the relationship and you've been withholding what you want to express to your partner by asking questions like this. Is there something I've done that you're still hurt over? What do you need for me to help you heal? It's a great question to build that deeper intimacy, that build that deeper trust between the two of you. And lastly, and I love this one. What can I do to help you feel more loved? What can I do to help you feel more loved? What a great question. Now, a lot of men will struggle at this because you're possibly with that 60, 70, 80% of men who are emotionally constipated, that are emotionally stunted, that are dysfunctional. But guess what? Digging about a bit will help you determine is this a person worth investing in or is this a person that may not be able to reach that level of deeper intimacy you desire to build that truer partnership with one another? Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Hit that like button. Please share this video with your friends. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new. Folks, this is tricky stuff we're dealing with. The dating marketplace is a mess out there. There's no doubt about it. A lot of bad advice being given and the technology while it's a blessing, it is also a curse. So no wonder we're seeing so much dysfunctionality out there. I want my audience to be set apart from everyone else. I want you to be that person that's different, that's worth exploring a relationship and it starts by inner awareness. At least that's my invitation for you. All right, I think I've covered a lot here. So, do you want to change your life? Hey, if I can help, check out the link to a free discovery call. Check out my group called Midlife Love Mastery. It's in the description below. Follow me on Instagram. I do my best to offer inspirational posts there and certainly follow many of the books I've recommended, if not all of them, to change your life in a very short period of time. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video. I'm going to do it the way I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic, John the Merrick of self-love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to a pet, a teddy bear pillow. Here's a teddy bear and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I want to thank a bunch. Bye now. Oh, by the way, this is for the thumbnail. 99% of guys respect women who know this. Bye now.