 You better not start the program until we're sure we're working. Working? Hey, Libby, what are you talking about? See, I remember what happened last week with a change of time. Jack got all mixed up, missed the program, and now he's in trouble with a sponsor. Sponsor? Hey, this is serious. Certainly is. If Jack loses the program, I'll have to go out and find a job. So will I. So will I was. Oh, fine. Hey, Libby, if Jackson gets fired, are you going to get your own radio program, or are you going to go into pictures? Well, I'm not quite sure, Phil. I'll have to think it over. Oh. But in the meantime, tell Alice I'd appreciate it if she'd buy her stockings at the May Company. I'll give her a discount. Gosh, I wish Jack would come back and give us the birdie. Come back. Why? Where is he? He's on the phone and is dressing him, talking to the advertising manager, Mr. Jones. Yeah, I hope it works out all right. You see, Mr. Jones, when I missed my program last week, it wasn't... Mr. Jones, Mr. Jones, are you listening? Yes, Jack, I'm listening. Well, when I missed my program last week, it wasn't my fault. See, my watch set four o'clock when it was really five. Yeah. So you see, it wasn't my fault at all. Excuses, excuses, nothing but excuses. But Mr. Jones, didn't you ever make a mistake? I never make mistakes. Oh. Well, anyway, Mr. Jones, when you hired me... All right, so I made one. I knew you'd admit it. Anyway, Mr. Jones, when you hired me, we had an understanding that... Wait a minute, Jack. Hold it a minute. It's the start of the seventh inning. The count is three and two. What were you saying, Jack? Well, uh... Mr. Jones, I said that when you hired me, we had an understanding that... Don't mind it, don't mind it. What? What were you saying, Jack? Now, Mr. Greenberg, I mean Mr. Jones, when you hired me, we had an understanding... Look, Jack, I'm a busy man, and the facts are still the same. We had a contract, and by not doing a show last Sunday, you broke that contract, and that's that. But Mr. Jones, let's not be so legal about it for me to lose my program now as serious. Businesses, though, I could start over again. After all, I'm 37. What? Well, I will be in February. Anyway, Mr. Jones, if I were you, I wouldn't be too hasty. I'm a great star, and everybody loves me. There you are. They're cheering the ball game. That's what you think. The game's in Chicago. Chicago's near Waukegan. My father's at the game, and he's cheering me. Anyway, the point I'm trying to get over is that... Mr. Jones? Mr. Jones? Oh, my goodness, we've been cut off. Operator! Operator! Say, guys, look at this switchboard. Oh, yes, Mr. Benny's dressing room flashing again. I wonder what Mother McCree wants now. Sorry, Mr. Benny, I'll connect you again. Say, go to food. Yes, let's listen in and hear what Mr. Benny's saying. Oh, no, maybe. Remember our code of ethics. Ethics, schmastics, we're only here to answer that. Go ahead, listen in and hear what Mr. Benny's saying. I don't have to listen in. I'm going out with him tonight. And you know him. One more to milk, and he tells you everything. Go on, Goathead. Put on the earphones and listen to what he's saying. Okay. Can you hear him? Uh-huh. Gee, the sponsor's really giving it to him. Gee, that's awful. Isn't Mr. Benny defending himself? He sure is. What's he saying? But Mr. Jones. But Mr. Jones. But Mr. Jones. But Mr. Jones. What's happening now? Kingbirds on stage. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Oh, my goodness, this is awful. What is it, Gratu? The sponsor just said he had a good mind to make Phil Harris the star. Phil Harris? Well, he's so conceited it would take the Gloaks to ten days to fly around his head. That is, you know the other day I saw him in a drugstore and it was buying some rubbing alcohol. He was? Yeah. When it's done, it won't hold any more. He rubs it on. That's the truth. Gratu, give another listen. Gratu, give another listen and see what's happening. Okay. Gee. What is it? I think Mr. Benny's going to lose his job. Oh, that's a shame. After all, he's sent a star of the show for so many reasons. Uh-oh, it don't sound so good. What do you mean? Mr. Benny just asked if he could stay on as one of the auctioneers. Operator, I'm through with my New York call. Would you please figure up the charges? Yes, sir. Josh, my sponsor sure was mad. But then he did give me another chance, so maybe I ought to... Oh, Donald, I hung up without asking him for a raise. Everything was going along swell this season, then along came Jones. Yeah, I'm hungry. I wish Rochester would get back with that sandwich. Oh, well, I better get out on the stage. Hey, we must be on the air already! Stephen's singing, and there you are. Very good, kid. And now, ladies and gentlemen... Jack, what happened? And now, ladies and gentlemen... Jack, when you were talking to your sponsor, what did you find out? I don't know. It's so hard to talk business to him. Some guy called Greenberg kept running in and out of his office. Anyway, he talked me into not quitting, and it's just as well, especially right now that I've hired a publicity man. A publicity man? Is that the fellow that came to see you last Sunday? Yeah, and you know what, Mary? He's going to make me the best-known man in America. He's going to have my name on the lips of every person in this country. What's he going to do? Put it in alphabet soup? Oh, stop with him. Hey, you ought to leave them publicity guys alone, Jackson. You know, I had one three years ago, and he got me into a lot of trouble. Why, what did he do? Well, he got the bright idea having me and my band put on a symphony concert at Carnegie Hall, and after we played the fourth number, half the audience got up and walked out. Well, Phil, maybe the acoustics were bad. What are you talking about? I didn't even have one. Terrible imagine having a band without one little acoustic. Carnegie Hall? Your band plays much too loud for a place like that. Well, I guess you're right, Jackson. When my band is given out, you can't even hear a gun go off. You said it. Yeah. When my boys stopped playing, I found three of them dead. Oh, my goodness. What did you do? Nothing. I still got them with me. You still got them with you? They must be the three that are smiling. I don't blame them. They can't hear. Well, anyway, Phil, I don't care what happened to you. I'm still going to keep that publicity, man, because he's really going to go and get... Say, Jack, there's Rochester in the wings. He's trying to get your attention. Oh, yes. I sent him out for a sandwich. Excuse me a minute. Here you are, boss. You want to go in your dressing room and eat this? No, I'll eat it right. Wait a minute, Rochester, this isn't what I told you to get. I ordered a simple combination sandwich of roast beef, Swiss cheese, turkey, ham, bologna, roast pork, salami, liverwurst, lettuce, tomato, and chicken. Now, where is it? I passed water, brother, and they tipped it over. The sandwich will be okay. Rochester, didn't they give you any potato chips with it? No, sir, they don't give potato chips anymore with a 20-set sandwich. My goodness, they at least give you a couple of olives or a slice of pickle. They said they can't afford to do that anymore. Well, they're certainly cutting down on their food. They sure are. And the man told me if things didn't get... if things got any worse, when you order egg sandwich, all you'll get is two slices of bread and a pitcher of a ham straining. Hammy the sandwich. I'm hungry. Here you are, boss. You bit my finger. Oh, I'm sorry, Rochester. It's so hard to see on that rye bread. Well, see you later, boss. Don't go away, Rochester. I'm going to do a newspaper sketch, and I may want you to be in it. Okay, I'll wait. All right, kids, let's get on with the show. And now, ladies and gentlemen, tonight, in honor of National Newspaper Week, we're going to... Yeah, for heaven's sake, when you eat a sandwich, why don't you use a napkin? Huh? You've got mayonnaise on your ear. Oh. I never saw anyone like you. If you can't reach it with your tongue, you'll let it alone. And now, ladies and gentlemen, tonight, in honor of National Newspaper Week... Come in. I'm glad you came over, Steve. Hey, kid, this is my new press agent. Hello, hello, hello, everybody. Steve, we're just about to do a play, and I'll talk to you right after the program. Good, good, good. I'll watch, and I don't mind me. Just pretend I'm one of the family. You make believe I'm not here at all. Okay, now, Phil, as the play opens, I want you to play... Hey, Ben, if you want to think of it, don't forget the publicity appointment you have for tomorrow. Oh, I won't. I won't. Now, Phil... At 10 a.m., you're going down to the Union Station, where you'll be made an honorary red camp. That's the Dean of Chamber of Commerce on California weather, the climate with a smog. Right by the clock, you're going to attend a press conference at the Ambassador Hotel, and at 9 p.m., I've got a few books into the Macambo. The Macambo? What do I do there? You pick a fight with Errol Flynn. I pick a fight with Errol Flynn? Don't worry, Louelle Parsons will be in your call. Steve, we'll talk about this after the broadcast. I've got a play to do. Okay, okay, now, just pretend I'm one of the family. You make believe I'm not here at all. Good, good. Now, Mary... Yes, sir. In our sketch, you play the part... Hold it, baby, hold it, hold it. Now, I just thought of a great idea. Look, Steve... What a stunt, this. That's what a stunt. Wednesday night, you catch the train for San Francisco. You're here and on Thursday morning, while the fleet's in the harbor, you jump off Golden Gate Bridge. Me? Me? Wait a minute, Steve, I can't swim. You'll never hit the water. There'll be a rope for that. I keep forgetting how you used to work for Swing & Sway with Sammy K. Watch it, brother. Watch it. I'm going to leave you now, Benny. I'm going to pick up a couple of camera men for those pictures right after the show. Pictures of me? I certainly. I'm going to have your push-learn out of every newspaper in this country now. So long. Oh, by the way, don't forget Wednesday afternoon. I probably won't pay anything anyway. All right, Phil, let's have a band number. Play the number you're supposed to. Okay, okay. These stir-up breads are so temperamental. There was no can-do played by Phil Harris and his 18 acoustic. And now... And now... All right, Phil, I didn't think it was so good either. So I didn't have to look at me like that. That face he gave me. And now, ladies and gentlemen, tonight, in honor of National Newspaper Week, we present a thrilling drama entitled The Mystery of the Murdered Movie Columnist, or they were playing leapfrog and they had a hopper. I don't blame you. I should play the part of Scoop Benny, the fearless fighting tight-fisted... I mean, two-fisted... editor-in-chief of the Los Angeles Daily Bugle. It's not your Wednesday. Garnet, I had such a head start, too. Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Phil Harris will be my star reporter. Curtain, music. Los Angeles Daily Bugle, editor Benny speaking. What? Give me all the details. When did he get there? Today? Water Scoop. What is it, Chief? Greenberg's on third base. Now, let's... Hey, Chief, here's the story that just came in on the wire. On the wire? What does it say? Flash. Red Allen opens his new radio season tonight. Well, dress it up a little and put it in the obituary column. Anything else, bud? Yeah, it says here that Mayor LaGuardia is going to be his first guest. Mayor LaGuardia? On with Fred Allen? Well, that ought to be worth a headline. Yes, sir, Chief, what'll I say? Little Flower finally meets Pot. Okay, Harris, run it like that. Daily Bugle, editor Benny speaking. You're the guy I want to know you're helping a police, but I'm warning you. Who is this? Now, let's see, where did I put those... Gee, and I only talked to them over the phone. Now, let's see, where did I put those... I'm sorry to break in like this, but this is an emergency. What is it, sir? I'd like to run an ad and you're lost and found, Colin. I'll take it. What did you lose? A diamond-studded cigarette case. A diamond-studded cigarette case? And I'll give a $50 reward to the finder. Well, I don't blame you for a diamond-studded cigarette. Oh, no, no, the finder can keep the case. Can keep the case? I just want those cigarettes. They're so round, so firm, so pretty, so free and easy on the draw. Well, I don't blame you, bud. I won't cut the front page today. Daily Bugle, editor Benny Spiky. Hello, big boy. This is Mrs. Archibald J. Stuffington at 204 Stuffington Road, Archibald County, Stuffington, California. Oh, yes, yes. How are you, stuffy? I've got a big story for you. Come up to my apartment. My husband has just been... murdered. What was that? My husband has just been... murdered. What was that? You don't like him, do you? Are you sure he's dead? Just a second. I think so. Now, I feel like, excuse me, I got to go rinse a few things out. There's been a murder committed, and if we solve it before the police do, we'll get the exclusive story. Then we better hurry. Yeah, come on, let's go. Here's the house. You knock, Harris, I bruise easily. We'll get to the bottom of this murder and know the reason why. Well, I see you're in mourning already. Who, me? The butler, I'll question you first. Did you hear five gunshots this morning? Yes, I hear so fast. Boys, I've been waiting for you. Now, Mrs. Stuffington, I'm here to solve this murder. Where's the body? I don't know, it was here a little while ago. Well, who's been in this room? Nobody, but the maid. I told her to sweep up a little. The maid, eh? Then let's... Wait a minute, Chief. Here's the body under the rug. How do you like that? I can't break her of that habit. Now, sit over here, Mrs. Stuffington. I'm going to question you. Well, wait till I get comfortable. There. All right, Mrs. Stuffington. Isn't it true that you married your husband? Don't start that, sister. Uncross your legs and pull your skirt down. You keep out of them. There. We were not, we were a little higher. Now look, Mrs. Stuffington. I know you committed the murder, so you might as well confess. Okay, boys. Okay. Just set the cameras up over there. I'll get Benny to post for the pictures. Pictures. See, wait a minute. We're doing a sketch. I can do that later. I got to get you ready for this publicity stunt. Wait a minute. Get that saddle off my back. Oh, sir! Ladies and gentlemen, there's a new victory slogan, which says, be generous in victory. Say, Jack. Yes? Where are we broadcasting from next Sunday? Well, Mary, we're going to do our show for the liberated war prisoner stationed at Santa Barbara. And Ingrid Bergman and Larry Adler are going to be with us. Oh, that's swell. Well, Jack, here's my house. Okay, get off. Good night, Mary. You'll be glad to get home. These shoes are killing me.