 6 day voila, mung mung mung mung mung ma mung, do do do do do do do man, mung mung mung ma mung mung ma mugan The Jあと Benny program, presented by Lucky Strike Feeling low, feeling tense These eight words are common, tense Small level best That's just how you'll feel when you light up a Lucky Because Lucky's fine tobacco picks you up when you're low, calms you down when you're tense Put you on the right level to feel and do your level best It's important to know that fine tobacco can do this for you, and L-S-M-F-T, L-S-M-F-T Lucky strike means fine tobacco, smooth, mild, thoroughly enjoyable tobacco. So next time you buy cigarettes, remember, Lucky's fine tobacco picks you up when you're low, calms you down when you're tense. Put you on the lucky level where you feel your best and do your best. Yes? Smoke a lucky to feel your level best. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Don Wilson, and yours truly, Dennis Day. When the program this week because last week, Mr. Benny locked Don Wilson in the den and won't let him out till he signs his new contract. So let's go out to Jack Benny's house in Beverly Hills where we... Wait a minute. Who's that coming up the walk? Gee, it's me. Hello, Rochester. Oh, hello, Mr. Day. Come on in. Thanks. Say, Rochester, is Don Wilson still locked in the den? Yeah, Mr. Benny won't let him out till he signs the contract. Gee, I'll never forget the time. I wouldn't sign my contract and he locked me in a room for almost two years. He did? Yeah, then he went around telling everybody I was in the Navy. I escaped from the room. Who got you out? MacArthur. I was in the den talking to Mr. Wilson. What is it, Rochester? Dennis Day is here. Uh, tell him to wait. I'll be out in a minute. Now look, Don. Don, we've gone over this contract 10 times a day for a whole week and still you won't sign it. Now what is it you want? Water. Water. Give me a glass of water. I'm so thirsty. Then why are you stubborn? All you have to do is sign the contract. But no, you just stand there with your back to me. Now, Don, turn around. I want you to face me. Sure. You know that when I look into your big blue eyes I'm like putty in your hand. Now that's ridiculous, Don. What would I do with 290 pounds of putty? But, Jack, I don't weigh 290 pounds anymore. You stired me for a week. Say, Don, you do look as though you lost weight. Why don't you weigh yourself? I can't. I put my last penny in your peanut machine. Oh. That's salt as murder. Water. Water. Water. You'll get it as soon as you sign the contract. I'll see you later. But, Jack, I haven't been on the program for two weeks. What are you going to tell the sponsor? I've already told him, Don, and he's very happy. He thinks you're in Kentucky picking tobacco. Did he believe it? He must have. He sent you an old straw hat. I'll see you later, Don. What a stubborn guy. Oh, well. Feeling low, feeling tense. These eight words are common sense. Smoker! To feel your level best. Smoker! Oh, hello, Dennis. Goodbye. Goodbye? What do you mean, goodbye? When you came in singing, I thought I was out of a job. Now, that's silly, Dennis. You and I worked so well together. I wouldn't have such a good program without you. Well, that's funny. I have a wonderful program without you. Yeah, I guess you're right. And you know, Dennis... Oh, boss! Boss! What is it, Rochester? It's Polly again. Her cold seems to be getting worse. Oh, my poor parrot. Rochester, didn't you do anything for her? Yeah, all morning I've been giving her four-way cold tablets. What happened? She laid a square egg. How could she do that? It wasn't easy. Well, let's go in and take a look at her. Hello, Polly. Polly got a cold. Polly got a cold. Polly want a cracker? A gizunt. Gizunt? Yeah, we don't mention height in this house. Polly has such a bad cold. Polly! Polly, not with my tie! Rochester, I think I'll rub some camp-rated oil on her chest. If you want to do that, boss, you'll have to take over her mustard plaster first. Oh, yes. Come here, Polly. Daddy wants to take that mustard plaster off your chest. Hold still. Hold still. Now, don't be nervous. Polly, stop carrying on. Daddy didn't hurt you. I think you did, Mr. Benny. Look at all those feathers stuck to the mustard plaster. Oh, yes. I'm sorry, Polly. I didn't know your feathers would stick to it. I'll get her, Rochester. Feeling, oh, feeling. Oh, hello, Mary. Come on in. Oh, I'm sorry, Jack. Are you getting dressed to go out? No, why? You've got your toupee in your hand. That's a mustard plaster. Polly's feathers are stuck on her. Well, it looks better than the thing you wore last night. Last night? What a toupee. The part went from ear to ear. Mary, it just happened that someone yelled, hey, Jack, and I turned my head too fast. I just talked to my sister, Babe, over the phone, and she feels awful. She's heartbroken. Your sister, Babe, why? Tyrone Power got married. Well, what's she heartbroken about? Your sister, Babe, doesn't even know Tyrone Power. Well, that's why she's so upset. For two years, she's been writing him love letters signed Linda Christian. And look what happened. Well, your sister ought to get wise to herself. I remember the time she wrote a letter to Artie Shaw and it wasn't even her turn yet. What a girl. Well, Jack, you can't blame Babe. After all, she's not getting any younger and she'd like to get married. I know. And she's really trying. She's been going to a beauty parlor every day for the past month. Is it doing any good? I don't think so. Yesterday, when she was out in the snow, a plane flew over and dropped her a bale of hay. Good old Babe, I knew she could get it. Say, Mary, let's go into the library. I want to see how Polly's getting along. Hello, Dennis. Hello, Mary. Dennis, where's Polly? She's up on the chandelier. What? My son, my son. Oh, Polly, get off of there. That's a light bulb. I'm not trying to hack the light bulb. Polly, didn't your mother ever tell you about the people and the bees? Now come down to Daddy and stop flying around. What you need is rest. Get back in your cage and go to sleep. You want me to sing to her, Mr. Benny? Sing to her? Yeah, I just recorded a lullaby for RCA Victor and I thought you and Polly might like to hear it. Yes, yes. Well, go ahead, kid. Go ahead. Dennis, that was a wonderful song and you sang it beautifully. Oh, stop repeating yourself. You said the same thing to Kenny Baker 12 years ago. Well, look, if you don't want me to compliment you anymore, why just... Mary, answer the phone, will you? Okay. To Benny's residence. Mary, the upstairs maid speaking. Mary. Who's calling, please? Hiya, Libby. You one little warm spot that's left in California. Get back from Washington. Holy smoke, is that where I was? Phil, you know where you were. Yeah, yeah. Hey, let me talk to Jeannie with a light green money. Phil, he wants to talk to you. Oh, hello, Phil. When did you get back? I blew into town Friday. What train? No train. Just blew in. Well, how did you enjoy yourself at the inaugural ball? I had a wonderful time. Say, Jackson, did you see the picture in the paper of Alice with President Truman? Yes, yes, I did. Why didn't the president pose with you? I'm from the South, son. The inaugural ball was great, Jackson. You know, it's amazing how them dignified senators and congressmen let themselves go at a dance. They do the latest steps. I even saw Senator Pepper doing the rumba. The rumba? Yeah, you know that pepper ain't a bad shaker. The wit is exceeded only by your natural beauty. Buttons and booze. What else did you do on the trip? What else, didn't you hear me? I was on Fred Allen's program. No, I... Wait a minute, Phil. You were on Fred Allen's program? Yeah. Well, you and Fred should make a wonderful combination. Ham hox and vinegar puss. Brother, what a dull time you must have. All right, hold it, Jackson. Calm down, Dad. Wait a minute. That Allen's a pretty clever comedian. He gets big laughs. Well, it's easy to get laughs if you do what he does. He tells a joke, lifts up the bag under his right eye, and there's a life-sized picture of Milton Burl. Look, Phil, outside of appearing with radios only sponsored post-nasal drip, how did you enjoy New York? Oh, it was exciting. And Jackson, you should have seen Manhattan. It's amazing. Why? They got snow just like here. I know, Phil. I know. We ship our big flakes east. Each one has stamped sun-kissed on there. Incidentally, Phil, my picture opened in New York yesterday. You see the ads for it? It's called the Lucky Stiff. It's a comedy mystery. The Lucky Stiff? Are you in it? No, no. It's Star Dorothy Lamour, Brian Dunleavy, and Claire Trevor. I happen to be the producer. I'm the one who put up the money. You put up the what? The money. Now, Phil. Phil. Phil. Hello? Who are you? I'm the bartender in this joint. Your friend fainted. Oh, that's a shame. If you like, I'll talk to you until the nickel is used up. He called me. Goodbye. Say, Mary. Mary, I've got to go to a meeting pretty soon. A very important meeting, so why don't you... Uh-oh. I guess Don Wilson wants me. Jack, for heaven's sake, have you still got Don locked in the den? Mary, it's his own fault. All he has to do is sign the contract, and he's a free man. Now, isn't that simple? Yes, Warden. Never mind. Gee, Mr. Benny, why don't you let him out? I'm not going to let him out. He signs the contract. And that reminds me, Dennis. Why? In a couple of weeks, you come up for a new contract. Hankers away, my boys. Hankers away. Dennis. Farewell to college joys we sail at break of day. Dennis, that's enough. And don't be funny. Well, I've got to run along now. Why, what's your hurry? Well, I've got to go to Wilter Boulevard and get on a bus and ride a block, and then I get on another bus and ride a block, and then I get on another bus and ride a block, and then I get on another bus. Wait a minute. Why do you have to get on all those buses? Well, yesterday I left my hat on one of them. Well, bon voyage. What a kid. Say, Mary, I've got to go to the meeting now. Okay, I'll walk as far as the corner with you. Oh, Rochester. Yes, boss. I'm going to my meeting now, and I may not be home for dinner. Well, boss, as long as you're going to be out, can I have the night off? But Rochester, who's going to stay with Polly? Polly Smiley. I got a date. A new girl, eh? Yeah. And say, boss, could you advance me? Say about $50. $50? Who do you think I am? Rockefeller or Vanderbilt? No, but she thinks I'm aimless or handy. Well, here's five bucks and tell her you're the kingfish. Come on, Mary, let's go. Gee, you know, Mary, the weather's getting warmer out. Yeah. Feeling low, feeling tense. These eight words are common sense. Smokalaki. To feel your love of a vivid old bed. Gee, that song is catching on fast, isn't it? It just came out, and I heard it on the hit parade already. I know. Frankie sends me. You know, Mary, sometimes... Say, Jack, look who's coming down the street. Where? Oh, yeah. Hello, Mr. Benny. Oh, hello, Mr. Kitzel. Say, Mr. Kitzel, tell me, are you... Gee, he didn't stop. I guess he didn't have anything funny to say this week. Could be. Well, I better leave you here on the corner, Mary. I'm afraid I'm late for my meeting. Oh, that's all right, Jack. I'm going to hurry myself. I've got to rush over to the May Company. Oh, clearance sale? No, class reunion. Class reunion? Uh-huh. Look at my badge. Mary Livingston, class of 33, stockings cum laude. Oh, well, enjoy yourself, Mary. And if you have time, come over tomorrow. And then we... Look out, that bus is pulling up to the curb. Oh. Hello, Mr. Benny. Oh, hello, Dennis. By the way, I meant to tell you... Oh, I haven't got time now. I've got to catch another bus. Well, I hope you find your hat. See you tomorrow, Mary. The meeting is now in session. Just a second, Mr. President. You can't call the meeting. One of our members isn't here yet. Which one? Mr. Benny. He'll be here soon, Mr. President. When I came in, I saw him stand up and do a girl. A girl? What's her name? I... Remember, you're only nine. Mr. President, I make a motion that Mr. Benny be fine for being late to the meeting. After all, what's more important? Meetings are girls. Oh, butch, when you're our age, meetings are more important. Then when you get a little older, girls are more important. And when you're Mr. Benny's age again, it's back to the meetings. Unless you get the floor. I'm sorry, Stevie. Mr. President, to you. Well, how about it, Mr. President? Let's find Mr. Benny. But you can't punish a man like Mr. Benny by finding him. Money means nothing to him. It doesn't. You're new in this neighborhood, ain't ya, bub? Oh, I'm sorry I'm late. Hello, Mr. Benny. Hello, fellow beavers. You know, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the meeting. A panhandler stopped me and asked me for a bite. So you bit him. Now let's get on with the meeting. Did I tell you that one before? Every week. Oh, oh, I'm sorry. Now that we're all here, let's get on with the business of the day. Purpose of our meeting today is to elect a treasurer for our club. We have two worthy candidates. And we shall now hear the first of them speak. Go ahead, Joey. Each, Joey. And now we will hear from the member who is running for re-election. Mr. President and fellow beavers. I have been your treasurer for a year now and have served you faithfully and well. I've invested your money wisely in an effort to curb inflation and bring down the high cost of jelly beans. These past few months, I've been working on a big deal in your behalf, which I've finally consummated. Consummated. And now it's my pleasure to tell you that the Beverly Hills beavers own 10% of the Coca-Cola machine in the CBS lobby. Mr. President, I should like to ask my worthy opponent to give us a financial statement of the past year. I'll be glad to. I have it right here in this notebook. Treasurer's report of the beavers, dues collected in past year, $15.60. Fines collected, $0.30. Grand total, $15.80. That's $0.90. Oh, yes, yes. Now, if it pleases our honorable secretary, I wish he would read the list of expenditures. Yes, sir. Expenditures for 1948. $0.10 for comic book when Joey Clark was sick. $0.10 for comic book when Stevie Kent was sick. $3 for plasma when Jackie Benny was sick. Thank you, Mr. Secretary. Well, if there's no further discussion, we'll hold the election right now. All those in favor of Joey for Treasurer raise their hands. Now, let's see, there's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Now, all those voting for Mr. Benny for Treasurer raise their hands. One, two, three. Mr. Benny, you're only supposed to raise one hand. Oh, I... I'm sorry, really. Did I raise two hands? Three. One had a shoe on it. I was a little over-enthusiastic. Now let's see those hands in favor of Mr. Benny. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Mr. Benny wins! Hooray! For we are Joey Goodbeavers! These eight words make common sense. The smoker to feel your level desk. Well, I'm sure glad I was elected Treasurer again. That Joey didn't have a chance. Well, I'm home in time for dinner. Now, where's my key? Down it, I dropped a quarter. Now, where did it... How do you like that? It rolled down a crack in the cement. I wonder if I can get it. No, it's too far down. Well, I know what to do. Well, let's see. Ah, this is what I want. Crack to that quarter fall into... Oh, here it is. Ladies and gentlemen, the nation's fight against infantile paralysis continues relentlessly, but your contributions must keep rolling in to continue this fight. So please send your dimes and dollars to the March of Dimes. Let's all join in the fight against polio by contributing to the March of Dimes. Thank you. I'll be back in just a moment, but foist! You see, Lucky's fine tobacco picks you up when you're low, calms you down when you're tense. It's good to know that fine tobacco can do this for you, and that's why it's so important that you select and smoke the cigarette of fine tobacco Lucky Strike, for as every smoker knows, L-S-M-F-T, L-S-M-F-T, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. Remember, Lucky's are the overwhelming choice of the independent experts, auctioneers, buyers, and warehousemen, who can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco. So when you choose your cigarette, remember that Lucky's fine tobacco puts you on the right level, the lucky level, where you feel your best and do your best. Feeling low, feeling tense, these pigs' words are smoke. We'll be with you again next Sunday at the same time, same station, and we're going to have a very unusual program with Claudette Colbert and Vincent Price as our special guest. Gee, what that's going to cost. What are you laughing at? Who's laughing? I'm hysterical.