 It is the Persian New Year, and in honor of the Persian New Year, I've decided that I will be playing as Ali Farman, okay? Ali Farman, he is an Iranian immigrant, he is here, he comes to America from Iran, he wants to make a better life for himself, okay? Hello, this is Ryan Kindle, how can I help you? You're a driver extraordinaire. Hello, I come to Los Santos, I am brand new, I need to buy a vehicle, a car, I'm looking for maybe do taxi drive, can you take me to... Can you maybe take me to a car dealership? Ah, yes, are you from Northern Canada? Eh, sorry? Are you from Northern Canada? No, I am from Iran. I'm like, very Northern Canada, I just kind of assume, and I will be there very shortly, my friend, and we will bring you to a car dealership, and you can buy yourself a very fancy, fancy car. Okay, I am very thank you. Salam, hello? Man, not quite yet. Ah, hello! This is your, okay, you drive like my uncle. Oh, your uncle is a very good driver or something. Eh, he is in jail, and he talked to a police... No! Oh my God! Oh, God, I'm in! I'm going to kill you! Oh my God, Ryan! Oh, shit! Ryan! Shit! Where is he? She's shot! Ryan! Ryan! Wait! Hello? Oh my... Are you okay? Are you okay? They crashed into me, I was... No. You have to get him! He's going to get away! Who? Stay with me! What? I'm fine, I'm going to stand... Red Corvette! Pretty sure, the guy named Prince, he was driving a little red Corvette, he went the other way. Damn! What about this vehicle over here? That was just a double collision. Yeah, double collision. Do you need a ride to the hospital? How do you feel? Eh, I have no... I am new, I am from Iran. I... You're good? I am very... I am very, I am very scared. I am here, I am from Iran, I do not know... I am very scared. My leg, she is... My leg is... I have very pain, I am very much pain. Spital 2, man, do you need to go to the hospital too? You're fine, just check yourself in like that, you flex your E muscle. You catch the man in the red Corvette! I want to see him in jail! That's sort of a big... I will avenge you, Red Dumbly, I will kill him for you! Don't kill anybody, call the police and find him. Don't kill anybody, don't say that. Call the police, okay? I will, I'll let the police know, because I'm that kind of man. You don't open your mouth, you understand? I know, excuse me? About what happened? It was Red Corvette, yes? Red Corvette? That crashed, that was... Yes? Yes! Let's go get my vehicle, come on! Let's get to that car! Red Corvette! America has lots of opportunities. But a lot of assholes. So you have to like, avoid asshole, and look for people with lots of money in their pockets. What is asshole, asshole is donkey? You know like, an asshole is like, you know you go to the store and somebody gives you like expired can of like tomatoes. That is asshole. Oh, okay. A quick word? A quick word? Just in private, just real... Sorry, sorry sir, just real quick. Yo, come here real quick. Yes, sir. I'm listening. Oh, okay. Alright, over here. Can you give us just a little bit of space? It's a personal conversation. I think he's got some sort of STD or something. Make us look good. Okay, yeah. Yes, sir, come here. Mr. Depressed Walk Dude, yeah. Get over here. They only have two of yours. Ah... Hey, what are you doing? Why are you dragging off of my vehicle? Oh! Hey, sir! Sorry, I had the... My jeans come up to my... It's a very... It's very much... It's very much sweat, you know? Oh, that's nasty. If you have to use poop, you can use that. There's like bushes around city. I tend to use the ones off on the side. No, it's okay. I fixed it. Yeah. What if we give this man some of the product we need to get rid of? I've heard worse ideas. I've heard worse ideas. Sir, on a scale of one, the drug user... Oh, no! Excuse me! Excuse me! It was me! Excuse me! It was accident. I had scared. I was scared. I thought... I was very scared. I'm so sorry. Why are you laughing? You think this is funny? I am so sorry. You think this is funny? I'm so sorry. Now the cops are here. Now you're gonna go to prison. No, I am so sorry. I have no... I have green card. I have green card. I have green card. Okay. All right. Don't worry. I have a backup. It was accident. It was accident. No, no, no reports. We got reports of people acting out of control. No, no, no. Replay. Put your dog inside. It was candy inside. What am I doing? None other. None other. Put your dog inside. Replay. Oh, is there a problem? Here, let me get a little closer. Yes, there's a problem. Why are you doing this? This is brutality. Uh-huh. Speaking of brutality, what's this report? I'm getting people throwing fisticuffs over here, huh? Y'all have to let you drink. Right here. I am very... I am very sorry, Mr. Police. I have... I spent two years. I spent two years in Iranian army. I did Sarwasiv Barato Dossal two years. And I was very scared. He scared me. And I believe it was an attack. It was an honest mistake. Ryan, are we gonna press charges? Uh, no, it was an accident. I missed a replay of the assault dog. It's not a problem. You probably should have mentioned... Police are kind of assault. Uh... Police have tomato? I saw this tomato. Hello, Kimball. Oh! That's right! Hop on the bus. Hello. Hello, how are you? I don't know where they're going. Let's just find out, I guess. Hop on the bus. Welcome aboard the bus. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome aboard, gentlemen. Where's that Raj? That's Raj. Alright, where do we need to go? Yeah, hardware store to play. Alright, as you can see here. Oh, hey! Raj, how are you doing? Why did you fall out of the bussy? I tripped and fell out of the bus. I apologize. That was awesome. In the army career... Nobody in America knows how to drive. Everybody drives like Iranian. No, I am not from Spain. I am from Iran. No, I'm Iran. I understand that you're from Spain. I get it. Please stop telling me that. There's one on the ground still. He's doing the shit. He's doing the shit. What's wrong with the shitting? You have a problem with that? You keep it inside of you in Spain? No, you go to the bathroom. To remove it with metal, or assistance in Spain or something, I'm confused. No, you go. You go, you wipe. Oh, my God, Kimball! Are you okay? Yes, I'm good. Just doing a little exercise. I had to kill my third wife, Edna. I had to kill her. She is dead. I had to kill Edna with the knife. Did you kill your wife? She's in the yard. You killed your wife? Of course. She was being a bitch. She was not working well? She wasn't pulling plow every morning. Three in the morning, like I told her to. Why would you not put her in a boat? If a woman cannot work, if a woman cannot work, then she is of no use. Right? That is not very true. Oh, very good. Very good. Very good. It's just a misogynistic Persian man. Here we are. There we go. One moment. Let me out. Let me out. I think it's so funny, dude. I'm loving this. Do any of you guys listen to any Iranian music? I don't listen to Spanish music, no. Hey! Oh, son of a bitch! What are you, man? You son of a bitch! Don't you shoot at me! You son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! You come here! Put your hands up! You son of a... Oh my god! Don't you come here! Son of a fucking cock-sucking piece of shit! Can't believe he's... Oh fuck, there's police coming! Oh, don't you come here! Quickly drive away, Eugene! Everything I see on TV is true? Everything I see on TV is true? Drive away, Eugene! America, they shoot everybody! Eugene! Hello? I'm just going for a trip. I'm not getting caught. Thank you very much. Eugene, this is crazy as fuck! What are you doing? I'm stopping. Raj, you need to run. You need to run, Raj! No, I didn't! Drive, Eugene! Drive! Eugene, I'm going to need you to step out of the vehicle right now with your hands up in the air. Alright? Eugene, get back! Okay. Is he right? I want you all to place everybody in cuffs and we're going to GSR test them. Get over here with your hands up, sir! Sir, don't run! Don't run! Don't run! Don't run! Don't run! Why is there a gummy on the ground? I haven't done nothing! I haven't done nothing! Youssef, what's going on, man? Tell me a little bit about what happened today, man. My name is Ali. Ali Farman. Oh, fuck, I'm sorry, dude. Ali, what's up, man? No, it is okay. You look alike, I suppose. Yeah, you do. So, I am from Iran. I come here. Today is my first day in America. I am looking for a car. I'm looking for a job. I'm looking for an American woman. I need a BMW. It is misunderstanding. I joined the bus. I joined the bus by Eugene or Raj, I know, with these guys. And I do not know... I have the lean boys right in front of me as well. Running down. I do not know what I am doing. Did a mime shoot one of your tires? I have no car. I have a green car. I have a green car, but I have no car. All right, sir. Listen, you're free to go at this time. Just vacate the premises. All right? Yes, sir. Thank you very much. That's what I thought. He said I could go. Oh my God, that man almost got run over. To Iran. It is always like this in Iran. Triple, wait. Give me triple. He's the nice officer. Where's her, Mr. Give me triple. He's the nice officer. It's going to be okay. Don't worry. What's your name? My name is Ali. I am from Iran. This is my first day in America. I am so scared. I am so confused. Do I put my hands up? Or do I take my hands down? Don't worry. Look, I'm from Southeast Asia. I know you're from the Middle East. We've got a lot in common, all right? You're going to have to learn a little bit about America, all right? Okay, no, no, no. That's not, no, no. Okay, where'd you go? I'm going to confuse. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I didn't even know where you were. Okay. All right. I'm going to tell you a couple of things about America. All right. Number one. Pussy's cheap. You can get somebody on the corner for $50 if you want. Pussy? Pussy? What is pussy? Vagina is cheap. Vagina? It's a free country, so you can do a lot of things like this. Watch. What are you doing? It's completely, it's freedom to do whatever you wish. This is America. The land of opportunity freedom, buddy. Yes, I don't know. Whichever you wish, but the police is there. They chase us. No, no, no, no. You're fine. Relax, relax. First of all, we need to fix this wheel or something. Um, We need a wheel of some sort. You drive like my mother. Yes, I know. I know everybody drives like your mother in America. I'll teach you the ways of being an American. Okay. First things first, we need to get you a Glock. We need to get a gun from the courthouse. How much money do you have? Um, I have, I come to America with 15,000 Iranian toman. It is a $5,000. You have $5,000. Yes. Okay. First thing you do in America is you give me 3,000 of that. Oh, no, no, no. I, uh, my conversion is wrong. I have $400. Oh, shit. All right. Well, we need to make some money. Where's the courthouse? Where the hell is the courthouse? I need to find the courthouse. They're like $5,000. Why would you need to buy? Because I just got caught with it. I don't want to keep, I'm going to get caught by the police with a gun. Shut up, stupid bitch. What are you doing? Why would you hit the cat? Oh, no, it is a cat. No, it is a cat. It is disgusting. It is dirty. All animals are dirty. Cat, dog. They're dirty. They're very, very dirty. Why would you say the cat is dirty? They're so nice. They go... They're like little lions. Sorry. Sorry, my mistake. I missed. Look, look, look. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. What is your name again from Iran? My name is Ali. Ali, I wanted... I did that to teach you a valuable lesson. All right? Don't let pussy dictate your life. Get in the car. Let's go. Oh, don't you call me? What are you doing? It's America, Ali. You do whatever you want. Land of the free, home of the free. Oh, whoa, whoa. What the fuck are you doing? Oh. We're Officer Leo Anderson. Are you pissing on my car, motherfuckers? No, no, no. Put the bag in. Ali, Ali, Ali, stop. You have to... I'm sorry. You have to be... You have to forgive me, please. My friend is from Iran, and he's a little bit... He doesn't know American customs. And in Iran, it is the term of India. We see this car? It is an active endearment to pee on another person's car. We see this car. This car is worth more than the GDP of Iran, okay? Stay away from it. I have a deer. I have a goat. I have a cow. I have one horse. I see your little Willy out in public again. It will be tased, do you understand? That's goddamn right. You tell him. Yeah, yeah. Is it Willy like a movie? Like the shark? The free Willy? You're just going to use that ID right there. Mr. American, you put down the weight set in the welding zone. Thank you. I'm very sorry. You have to excuse my friend. It's Iranian custom to lift weight. I thought you were a car man. That's just like him. For you, sir, since you already have a criminal record pertaining to licenses, sir, it's going to be a $5,000 fee for your weapons license. Get over here, Ali. Let's get out of here. Fuck that guy. I'll be in the office. Unbelievable. He doesn't want anything to do with us because we're from a different part of the country. I mean, the world. Yeah, pull it in the right side. With $5,000 you set up a bit. Have a nice day. I am honest man. I come from Iran. I want to live American dream. Listen, I want to live American dream. I want to buy a gun. I want to find an American woman. I drive BMW. That's all I want. I just want a nice life. Get out of here, Ali. It's not worth our time. What was your idea? You told me that you thought I wouldn't get the gun license. What was your idea? What is my idea? Yes, tell me please. We go back inside and hide in the back while he gets license. Then he buys his gun. All right, deal. Do you have $3,000? I have $3,000. I think in my bank. I think in my bank I do. All right, well, yes. Okay, so we'll go hide in the back. He'll grab a gun license and then he'll be able to buy us firearms. Perfect plan. What do we do with gun in America? We shoot people. That's what we do. Oh, like in the movie. Yes, like in the movies. Exactly. Ali, go get your license. Right away, quickly. He'll stand outside the door. Say you didn't even know who we were. Let's go. Okay, he'll make a foreign exchange for me? Yes, he'll make, he'll change from the Iranian Krona to I only, I only have Toman. I only have Toman. If he accepts Toman, I'm okay. He'll take a lot of it. Tomano, tomato. Tomato is asshole. Hello, sir. Yes, how can I help you? I'd like to buy one freedom license, please. Freedom license, okay. Freedom from where? One freedom to shoot all of which I please. Okay, that concerns me because that, that so-called freedom license is a weapons license, sir. It allows you to carry a firearm in this city legally and it doesn't give you the right to go around shooting whatever you see or want. I am new. This is my first day in America. I do not know the law but I am here for a live American dream to have freedom. I want to find American women. I want to drive BMW. I have Winchester. I like to shoot the Winchester. Yes, sir, you have your firearms permit. Is there anything else I can do for you here at the courthouse? Yes, I would also like to find a license to buy one woman for my wife. That is usually about $50,000 for my experience. Mr. Kinder could probably help you out with that. Very good, very good. Yes, I have freedom for shooting. Okay, now we need to go to the store and get some weapons. Let's go. Oh my god. What are you talking about? Buy multiple and we'll give you the money for them. So I do not understand. Do you not have a freedom? No, we lost our freedom. They took it from us. This is land of opportunity. I give you opportunity for freedom. Thank you. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. Thank you for the freedom.