 Because when I was dealing with his dad, his dad was a liar, right? So I was like, oh, like you want to start lying like your dad? And I remember saying that one day, right? Listen, this is real. I'm keeping it real, real. I remember saying it one day, and I was like, something like in my consciousness, like, well, you was a liar, too. And I sat back, and I was like, yeah, you know. All right, let me approach this situation a little bit different. Listen, it's the message right here. Black boy, tell me how you really feel. Because I just want to build with you. Black girl, tell me how you really feel. I want to keep it real with you. I want to live better, eat better. I want to love better, sleep better. Yeah, I want to feel so aligned. I would say he's not wrong. I'm raising a son, right? And he's in the 14-year-old. I'm dating, you know, not dating, but like looking, you know? And but he has straight A's, right? He is in band, and he is in football, OK? He's on the, what's that little society thingy where they plan all the events for the school? What is that? School board. But, oh, no. Student council, right? So we got, and when he tested for like his classes for high school, he is a ninth grader that's going to be in, you know, algebra two honors going straight in. Like, even now, to me, he has enough accolades to where he's like, you don't just pick anybody in high school at this point. Now you don't just date any female. And I told him that. So he was dating one that was, you know, not to my liking. In my mind, she's not to his caliber, right? And I let him date her. And she did the little ratchet stuff that he said. And now he knows. He was like, mommy, he was right about her. You know, thank you for letting me go through the process. But I'll never do that again, right? And so I'm teaching my son that. I can't say that a man finally developing himself and saying, hey, I don't have to put up with that. It's wrong. He's telling the truth. He doesn't have to put up with that. You have a standard. You set a standard for yourself and you don't want to deal with that. So I think I agree. I'm raising somebody to think that way. So I can't say that it's wrong. So let me hit you with this. And now he got a job. Two weeks 14 and got a job. I was like, yeah, like you can't just come at my son any kind of way. So let me hit you with this. I don't know if it's something you've considered. So I did a conversation with Dr. T. S. Johnson. Shout out to him. OK. And we talked about the concept of son husbands and husband sons, right? And a son husband, essentially, and I'm not anywhere as smart as him. So I'm just going to paraphrase. OK. A son husband, essentially, is a son who is tethered to his mother in a way where, in a way that a husband should, or in a way that a companion, exactly. The weird stuff. She's, it's not even so weird on a surface. It's more so like he's performing the emotional labor of a husband. It is weird, though, because he's supposed to be emotional for it when he does meet a woman, and he's supposed to be emotional for his wife. He parties with his mother. So here's the thing. And you see that happen a lot in our community. And one of the side effects is that you have boys, for instance. They turn 18, they turn 20. And next thing you know, they get married. And sometimes those marriages don't work out. But when you start investigating it, he got married at 18, 20, because since he was 10, he's been a husband. Right. And he didn't know what to do when he was 20. Exactly. So it's only natural for him, because at the age of 10 years old, he became a 30-year-old woman's perfect man. Right. But then when he turns 20, you know what I'm saying? And he runs into a 20-year-old woman. He doesn't know how to relate to her, because he's the perfect man for a 40-year-old woman. Right. Well, yeah, that's true. And those dynamics don't work out. So one of the critiques that men have is that women sometimes are women, sometimes raise men, that they wouldn't even date. So my question to you is, based on how you're raising your son, is he somebody at 14, 14-year-old you would have been interested in? Yeah. I mean, because I give him the freedom to still be his self. And like I said, make his own choices. She wasn't the first girl. You know what I'm saying? I just try to put him up on game about how women think too. Like when a woman is using you or when you're, she's not necessarily interested, but still take the gifts and stuff like that, I just want him to be well-rounded so he doesn't get super played and damaged. Because men are not honest. Y'all get your feelings heard really bad. And real bad. Real bad, OK? And you will hold on to like getting dumped in the fifth grade for the rest of your life if you really idolize that person that you, right? Never again. But you will say that women are damaged, and we hold on to stuff, but really you're living your life after getting dumped in the fifth grade and now you trust nobody. You see what I'm saying? So I just want to make sure that he's able to process those feelings. Like when she did what she did, he was like, I'm mad. Like in real life. Like I'm hot. You know what I'm saying? But I'm going to get through this. When she first kind of like was acting funny, you know, he was like in the bed for like a couple of days. And I was like, bruh, you got to get up. I was like, she ain't gave you no pussy, OK? There's nothing that you got from her for you to be acting like this. Get out your feelings. So. Do you think you can relay that message as well as a man might be able to, to him? Hell no, I was trying. You know what I'm saying? No, no, no, I can't. I can't. It's hard, you know what I'm saying? Because he does need, he needs to hear from a man. Like he needs to be like, yeah, bruh, don't, don't be in the bed for 12. We can speak to that. Or verse, you're speaking from the outside, looking in. Like it's. That's why he was still like texting her and still talking to her. But he don't get it. He don't get it. He's like, he don't know what he's talking about. Stay over there. You feel me? And then he was like, hey, she didn't really know what she was talking about because she did exactly what I said to a T. And that's because I could read her as being a woman myself, right? So. So how are you making up that difference? Like how are you making sure? Outside of like, you say he's in football, right? How are you making sure like he's really getting the, because I don't think, I actually do not believe the son has been phenomenon. I don't think it's intentional. It is not. I think it's just a result of, you know, it's been me and my mom since the beginning, or it's been me and my sons since the beginning. So how do we intentionally move in the other way? Because the results are terrible. Right. They're very terrible, right? So I think that women need to tell the truth to their, their sons. You know what I'm saying? There was one point where I was like, I've never talked about it about his dad to him. You know, I was like, there's things about your dad that you probably need to know so that you don't become that because you, you know, DNA is, right? I said, but I don't ever want you to hate your dad or anything like that. I was like, because obviously there was something about your dad that I liked. You feel me? I was like, I just want you to embrace the good parts of your father. I think the son, I mean the husband, son, husband thing happens because women don't communicate to their child the good parts of the father. And so he's so dead set on being nothing like him and pleasing everything that mom says that he's not able to, to develop his own personality to say, this is what I want. This is how I feel. Yeah, I'm mad at my dad, but he's great over here. So I'm gonna take that like they, we don't, and I'm not gonna say we because women don't do that. You know, we always end up like, your dad was never here. How could you care what he's doing? You know, like we, we put all of our anger onto our child and they can only pick sides. And then of course they pick our side and now we're there everything, but we shouldn't be there everything. That's not fair to that human because he has a free will and we took it from them. Okay, so. And then we put ourselves too as like the best parent ever. Like I've seen women not ever be transparent with their kid to like who they really were in that situation or who they really were before they got a kid. You know what I'm saying? So I'll tell you a little story. When he was five, yeah, he was five. He started lying a lot. You know what I'm saying? Like just lying about everything. I'm like, Elijah, did you get that snack or the thing he was like, no, but the thing is in the trash can you feel me? One day I heard him going into the cabinet and I'm standing right there. And he didn't realize I was right behind him. I was like, what are you doing in the cabinet? He's like, I ain't in the cabinet. That's five, right? So, so in my mind, because when I was dealing with his dad his dad was a liar, right? So I was like, oh, like you want to start lying like your dad. And I remember saying that one day, right? Listen, this is real. I'm keeping it real, real. I was, I remember saying it one day and I was like something like in my consciousness. Like was you was a liar too? And I was like, I sat back and I was like, yeah, you know. All right, let me approach this situation a little bit different. So I was like, hey, you know, I don't know why you're lying, but I'm gonna think that me and your dad has something to do with this because I was a liar too, but let me tell you what lying got me. You feel me? So a lot of women don't do that though. Like they don't have that sit back moment where you're like, stop making all the bad traits the father and not showing your kid that you're a mess up too. And then I allows the child to be like, okay, do I want to do this or do I want to do this? So I have a one year old daughter. Do you? Congratulations. Thank you, but I'm terrified. You should be. How, give me the game. How do I, and you know, the men watching, raise, because I think for men, the spectrum of if you're a good dad or a good girl dad is like, on one end she gets married and has children and makes you proud and is, her name is clean in the streets. On the other hand, it's like prostitute stripper. So how do you move the needle as a man closer to a daughter whose married name is good in the streets and avoid or help her avoid the pitfalls of how our current culture is glamorizing only fans and Instagram modeling and stripping, like in all that good stuff that leads women into a path of destruction. All right, so I always say like step one, maybe, you know, if that's what you wanna call it. Step one would be increasing the validation but here, and here's what I'm gonna say, but don't be unrealistic with her. You have to be like, you know, my love, you are beautiful, you're great, you do this great, but this may not be for you. And so you teach her balance because I think great dads ruin women too, right? Sometimes the dad is so great that you make her expectations so high that no man will ever reach them, right? And so when you, okay, like black women wanting a six figure man is because somebody made their expectations out of touch with reality, right? And so you have to give your child your truth, like are you with, I'm not trying to be in your business, but are you with the mom? Right, okay, so that she doesn't go down that path, you're gonna have to be as transparent as possible and then build a great co-parenting dynamic where the both of you guys are working towards that together. And then she'll be able to make informed decisions when she steps out there and be like, you know what? I see some trending here. My dad showed me about this. This isn't for me. I just don't think that we create that healthy balance within our kids because we want to be the greatest in their eye, we wanna be their superhero and then we don't look human. And because the pressure of like living up to your you know, superhero status weighs on that person, they can either go one way, they can be like the perfect person and get married and pretend to be happy, right? So they're gonna be pretending at some point or they're like way out there and YOLO has surpassed them, they just know whatever with whomever. So you have to like be transparent, give them the room to say, okay, so you're saying that women that do this are not the type of women I need to be, but all my friends are getting attention here. Why is that? And you're gonna have to give them the history so that they can just start like, okay. All right, so people picking them has nothing to do with me. It's just that they haven't been taught better. You see what I'm saying? Like we just don't, we really haven't been, none of us have been taught properly because there's this thing too where if you're in a relationship and it's healthy, you guys shouldn't be arguing and fighting and that's toxic, but that's not true because there's a part in a relationship where communication gets so bad that you really can't stand the person that's sitting next to you, right? And it's called the power struggle.