 Hey, Psych2goers! Do you wonder why some people act manipulative even though they seem like a kind person? Being manipulative can come from environmental factors. For example, if you were raised in a highly competitive environment with little to no room for steady growth and affirmation, you would likely resort to underhanded acts and mind games to get what you want. Chances are you have good intentions in mind. Manipulation usually becomes your survival tactic when you're not acquainted with healthy ways to communicate with others. In today's video, we will be discussing 6 signs that you're unintentionally manipulative, along with some tips to help. 1. You tweak facts or events to your advantage When you're retelling an event to someone, do you notice yourself leaving out parts or twisting events because the original version doesn't fit your narrative? This is a form of manipulation. You're probably twisting facts because you want the other person to go along with your side of the story. You probably don't want to be in the wrong because it puts you in a vulnerable position and may even change other's opinions of you. Try to catch yourself next time you're changing the facts of a story. It's not easy to change something you're used to doing, but the important thing is that you've recognized it. After a while, you'll probably notice it more and more and give yourself chances to choose a better option. 2. You've unknowingly mastered the blame game Do you always try to point out other people's mistakes? Playing the victim often ends up with more problems than solutions. It can brew anger, start fights, and even end relationships. It's good to hold someone accountable for their actions, but when it looks like it's always them who's wrong, there may be an issue. Before pointing fingers at who's wrong, try considering their side first. Mistakes will always be mistakes, but by considering their perspective, you're learning to look at things with a more open, less judgmental mind. Also, when you're the wrong one, the best thing to do is just accept it. Do your best not to blame others. It'll just repeat the cycle and complicate things. Mistakes are lessons, and each one is an opportunity to grow. 3. Your go-to line is I promise Do you have a habit of making promises and shrugging them off later on? Promises bear weight. It requires a degree of responsibility to uphold. It's basically a personal agreement or an unwritten contract that when broken puts the trust between you and another person at risk. So when you have a habit of making promises and end up breaking or forgetting them, there's a high chance that you're leading on and hurting the other person. Remember that you don't have to make promises, especially if you don't think you can keep them. If you notice that it's difficult for you to stick to a problem, that's okay. Trying your best and proving yourself through actions is always much better than false words and hope. 4. You do good things for others while expecting them to return the favor. Have you ever been super kind to someone because of an ulterior motive in mind? If the answer is yes, don't beat yourself up too much. Plenty of us have also been there. Now, the issue arrives when you're doing everything just for the benefits. When you're being nice to someone or giving them gifts because you want to gain something in return, that's already manipulation. Plus, it can greatly hurt their feelings if they find out it's why you were kind to them in the first place. It causes hurt and confusion when you're applying the same method to genuine people with pure intentions. Being strategic and having good people skills can get you far, but sometimes putting other people first with no underlying motives can help them and you immensely. It's good to be selfless sometimes. 5. You tend to exaggerate Are you the type of person who tends to speak in hyperbole? Do you exaggerate facts to the point where they seem more extreme than the actual truth? For example, you have a friend who borrowed some money from you and forgot to pay it back. Because you're angry, you tell the other friends about the issue and instead of saying the original amount of money borrowed, you declare a bigger one. This can cause conflict among you and other people. If your main intention is to persuade, it's always better to relay accurate information first before sharing your own opinion. Not adjusting the whole story itself to fit your narrative. That way, you're being honest and open about how you feel. 6. Everything always seems to go your way Do you notice that nobody seeks to contradict you anymore? Is everyone following what you want even if they clearly prefer something else? When everyone appears to be subservient to your every wish, it probably means that you've gotten the hang of manipulating them. Or they've grown tired of it. You may not notice it, but you probably display manipulative behavior when things don't go your way. The people around you may be trying their best not to let that happen by going along with whatever you want. Often, you unconsciously resort to these acts because you don't know how to communicate your needs properly. Direct communication is highly important, and it's good to accept that not all things will go your way sometimes. Do you see yourself in any of these signs? If so, then please take this as a reminder to not let guilt get the best of you. Every human is prone to being manipulative. You're already an amazing person for educating yourself on this topic. It shows that you have a better, healthier road ahead of you once you take the initiative to build better habits. The first step is to recognize this behavior and then make peace with it. Identify why you act the way you act, and be gentle with yourself as you take small steps in healing. It's never easy to face negative aspects about yourself, but there's no doubt that you can do it and come out a better person than yesterday. Thanks for listening. See you next time.