 Like transcription friends be sure to stay tuned until the end of the program when my friend Irma will bring you news of her Offer to be your secretary Would you like an idea of her mentality? Well, she thinks a matador is something you wipe your feet on you before you go into a house Seriously the other night we were playing charades acting out the names of famous plays and soon it was Irma's turn She grabbed a carving knife ran it through a box of ends. So I said Irma What's the name of that play and Irma said get in? Those are plays all right, but here's something you should know that n-stop triple-O Yes, n-e-n-n-d-s the really effective chlorophyll tablets stop orders of body stop orders of breath stop order offense Stop all three keep you fresh as a daisy all day all over It's amazing, but one or two tiny ends tablets are all you need to stop triple-O And now ends America's most popular chlorophyll tablets are proud to present your favorite comedy show created by Cy Howard and starring Marie Wilson as Irma and Kathy Lewis as Jane in my friend Irma Oh gosh, you sleep on me. No not yet. Oh Jane did you have a good time with Richard tonight? Did I have a good time? Sweetie was just divine look look what he gave me. Oh, what a beautiful broach Jane do you think you should accept it? Why not? It's from my boyfriend not my congressman Look here look what he wrote in the little card look a business man knows few words of love his mind Is all figures and facts suffice to say I'll cherish the day when I can write you off on my income tax Isn't that beautiful? It's almost as beautiful as the card on the gift Al gave me Al gave you a gift. Yes. He just left look what he bought me a revolver What's he want you to do shoot yourself so he can collect the insurance? Oh No, Jane. It's a cigarette lighter. You see a press a trigger and it lights up. Oh It certainly looks like a real gun What did he write on a card? Oh, it's so tender to my chicken Press this trigger and you'll see flame and fire Will you marry me so I can retire? He's such a lover Yeah, he is a Real arrow will you lend me a fan? Come on honey, let's get to sleep. It's almost midnight. All right game Do you think the brooch will be safe on the dresser? Oh, yeah, I think so. I'm sleeping with Al's gift under my pillow lots of luck I better call Hilda tell her to bring the ledgers in tomorrow. I wouldn't disturb her now Why not our phone is out of order How come Alma the wire is cut I know the cord on our electric iron is a little short And I didn't think it would hurt if I borrowed just a little piece I tied the two ends together Yeah, it's a lovely bowl Come on, will you turn out the lights? Okay, just at the clock. Yeah, and I fixed the chimes. They weren't working right good girl Good night, honey. Good night, Jane. I Thought you fixed the chimes. I did. What do you know? It's 15 o'clock Then it must be somebody else Let's go to sleep Somebody a cat doesn't make that much noise. Maybe he's carrying a heavy mouse Irma I see a flashlight and don't tell me the mouse got away and the cat's looking for it Hand me the phone hand me the phone. I'll call the police The phone is out of order Well, reach under your pillow and get me that cigarette lighter that looks like a gun. Go on here. Here it is Put on the lights Wait a minute. I look a mess Irma you're not gonna dance with him put on the lights Right here goes Stand where you are If you move I'll shoot. All right, lady. Don't shoot. Don't shoot Irma Irma come over here. You keep him covered with this gun. I'll run down. Mr. Raleigh. I'll call the police Thanks, lady He's Irma Peterson. What's yours? Harry You ought to be ashamed of yourself Harry. Are you married? Yeah Does your wife know you do this for a living? She's sure she's waiting for me downstairs in the car What about your poor mother? She's driving my wife ain't got no license Lady, please don't let your girlfriend taint me over to the police. Don't you move or I'll shoot you with this gun. I will move But please I'll give you back this stuff. Just don't let the cops get me a Think of my kids. Oh You have children. Yeah three two is married and one went straight Oh Lady Do you mind if I smoke? No, not at all What's the matter? I ain't got no match. Oh here. I'm surprised Make him believe that was a real gun that ain't honest Oh, I refuse to stay any longer. Good boy Yes, then the police are coming I don't see any burglar where is he why are you looking out the window? You got away, but you had him covered with that pistol. I know but I forgot it wasn't real and he wanted to smoke Oh I want to see if the brooch Richard gave me. It's gone I'm it's gone. You better go into the bedroom and ask her to forgive you Professor we wait here and talk to the police. All right, but I hope you don't mind if I don't look at you, Mrs. You know with that cold cream and that white nightcap you're wearing you look like a bottle of frozen milk that has popped it's tough No, please you got to excuse me for laughing but such things I've never seen before Tell me what are those and pen are sticking out of your hair? Those are hair curlers, and what is that small hammock around your neck? That's a chin strap to keep from getting double chin And what are those white cotton gloves? They keep me hands soft and good like And what is that junk around your eyes? That's anti wrinkle cream I Wouldn't it be simpler to stay in your room all day and keep the door lock Open up the police I'm Mulligan of the robbery detail. Who are you? Yeah, my name is Professor Kilpatrick. I see and this is your wife Only a man that's carrying a gun could get away better This is mrs. O'Reilly the landlady choose my appearance I just got out of bed. Oh, that's too bad auto accident Now where have you got the burglars he got the way well, that's great Let me talk to the girl who called in girls come out the man from the police is here Which one of you called in I did I did my roommate here I'm a Peterson had him covered with this pistol lighter And then when he asked for a match she gave him a light pull yourself together Janie You better do the same thing mrs. O'Reilly your hammock is swinging from one ear What's that I don't know whether it's 22 o'clock or Friday Do you think there's any chance of recovering that broach? I can't tell you what it means to me honest Well, we haven't got much to go on did you get a look at the guy? Yes, and I think I could point him out if I saw his picture. Well, you drop in tomorrow and look at our collection. Good night Go to bed Jane you try to get some sleep. Oh gosh, that's beautiful bro. Oh, it may turn up I remember when I was first married to gave me husband a watch for with me picture in it and of course he lost it There's a rally. He didn't lose the farm He threw it away because your picture for stopping his watch Good night girl, come on miss. Oh, come on. Oh, let's get to bed. I want to be down at that police station early All right, wait a minute. Why are you putting fluid in that lighter now? Well in case another burger comes in I want to make sure the gun is loaded Guard against triple all yes guard against triple all odor of breath odor of body odor of fence If you've been using old-fashioned body deodorants mouthwash is toothpaste or deodorant soap to avoid offending now Here's an easier quicker much more effective way to keep fresh as a daisy all over all Day long take ends today chase triple all away Yes, one or two tiny ends chlorophyll tablets protect you against triple all against all free odor offenses No, must no fuss stop triple all in minutes prove it with a famous ends test rub an onion slice on your hand now Take an ends chlorophyll tablet moisten and rub it on the same spot the odors gone That's how ends work where odors begin inside your body to stop triple all and remember ends contain 100 milligrams of fully effective dose of daratol chlorophyll Don't expect such lasting protection from cheaper chewing gum and candy substitutes which contains so little chlorophyll Take ends today chase triple all away Insist on ends called ends because they end your worries about triple all that's en and DS ends chlorophyll tablets Safe safe as any garden vegetable pleasant tasting trial size ends only 49 cents a drug counters everywhere Larger sizes even more economical and remember friends stay tuned until the end of today's show to hear the latest news on my friend Irma's offer to be your secretary Good morning. I must how is my pistol-packing mama? I'm just going crazy waiting for Jane to come back from the police station. Will you help me open this window sure? Yeah, it's open gosh. I want to go outside and see if the burglar left any footprints on their fire escape I made rain last night. I know, but if he was wearing rubbers his footprints would still be dry. I'll be right back The shrimp boats outside I can hear the fog horn I Different you look from when I saw you last night that chin strap you're wearing certainly work Now you got a triple neck Janie any look at the police station. No, Mr. Raleigh While I was there I saw every type of criminal imaginable but but there was no worried about the brooch or the burglar No, none. I've been doing some thinking. I'd I'd kind of like to talk to Irma alone. She's on the fire escape Come on professor. Let's go for a walk in the park. I'll even let you hold me hands What is this holding hands business? Well, you know, this is leap year. Oh, yes. Yes. Well, let me warn you Mrs. Raleigh as fast as you can leap I can sidestep Be careful now, don't fall. I I want to talk to you Irma I'm moving out of here Moving out. Well, look, I Forgave you when you cut a hole in my new spring hat so the bird on top of it could duck inside in case it rang And The letter you sent to President Truman asking him to make Labor Day follow Easter Sunday Because the chickens have to lay so many eggs on Easter. They deserve to have the next day off Spread sunshine. Yeah, well your sunshine is of the California variety Now Irma, I honestly, I just can't take it anymore. So if you don't mind I've got some packing to do Please Jane, you can't leave me Well, I'm tired of trying to explain you to my friend At least when you were in the wax I had an excuse. I used to tell him you were shell shocked Oh no, no, I couldn't do this to my country Go on Irma. You're late. You better go to work and when you come back, I'll I'll kiss you goodbye Goodbye you something young lady who wash it off. I'm in no mood for a minstrel show Home you just got here we've got work to do She is well, that's unfair. Why should she get a break like that and not me? I'll get that letter out. No Why you're thinking of dropping out for something better But did you see the thief? Oh, yes, in fact, I had quite a long talk with all you did Well, then they're sure to pick him up. He's probably still wandering around in the day Now come on, let's get back to work. Take a look. What is all this junk on your desk? These are the gifts outgaining through the years. I'm gonna pawn them so I can buy a new brooch for Jean Then maybe she won't move out These are gifts Your boyfriend must have important connections. Who does he know with the street cleaning department? You don't know the hours of happiness these gifts represent But I'd sell everything in the world Oh Everything will work out all right And if you want to dare you can take the rest of the day off Mr. Clyde, you're a sweet man, and I hope you live forever forever Yes, I forgot to pay the premium on your insurance Hi, chicken. Where you been? I just came from work. Oh Gee, I hate to see a hack all and beautiful things. I gave you We're sure chicken. Look what's printed on the back of them. Hey, you see it's better than gold. It's golden platinum Let's go inside chicken my friend Benny owns this joint combination fence and hot shop horse next mate How much you give me for this brooch? Is it Stalin gods? How dare you I? Opened a box of cracker Jack and there it was Yeah, well for the brooch I can give you Look lady. I was here ahead of it. Oh, holy mackerel. Well, that's a man who took James brooch Lady remember my wife and three kids Yeah, well, don't worry the way I'm gonna break you up. There'll be a piece for each one I'm so glad to change the mind about moving out on Emma after all you two girls are like a breath of spring to me Warmth brightness and sunshine. I don't think that's a very nice thing to say after all I'm here My how the weather has changed Well, how can I move out on Irma? I always threatened, but I could never do it never Somebody has to be around only to open the window when she closes it on her head You know she loves you James. I love her too, professor I'm not taking any more chances. First of all, I gave away that pistol lighter and I got a real pistol You threw away the pistol. I didn't got the real gun. I sure did if any more burglars come in here I'll handle them. Oh, yeah, I'm still here honey. Look what I got back for you In a minute, I want to go in the bedroom put it on. I'll see you later, professor Come on, Mr. Riley. The celebration is on me. There's a new picture a girl in every part They'd grout your marks in Marie Wilson. Yeah, that grout your marks is wonderful Yeah, Marie Wilson is kind of stupid, but I like her And thank you. Jane will be right out. Won't you sit down? Oh gladly. I've had a rough day at the office Oh, are you mind if I smoke? Of course not not at all I've left my cigarette lighter at the office. Oh, I have one somewhere around here. Where was it? Oh Here it is Now hold steady Richard. Here we go back to Irma and Jane in a moment But first remember that scientific odor test that proved end stop triple O Stop odors of breath odors of body and odor offense for over eight out of ten people Well, these amazing results were substantiated the other day at the annual meeting of a national scientific group A leading medical authority stated and for our test. I selected the chlorophyll tablets known as Ns our tests included executives office workers and factory workers, too General odor of body and breath were most successfully treated. Yes after hundreds and hundreds of examinations Science proved ends effective just one or two tiny ends chlorophyll tablets daily actually do stop triple O Because ends contain 100 milligrams a fully effective dose of daratol chlorophyll Beware of cheaper chewing gum and candy Substitutes that contain so little chlorophyll or that do not state their chlorophyll content on the label ends work Inside your body where odors start keep you fresh as a daisy all over all day long and stop triple Oh stop all three odor offenses give more complete more lasting protection than any old-fashioned body deodorant So mouthwash or toothpaste can possibly give you insist on ends to stop triple O Pleasant tasting ends are easy to use too and safe safe as any garden vegetable. That's E N NDS ends chlorophyll tablets trial size only 49 cents a drug counters everywhere larger sizes even more economical And now here's my friend Irma with news of her offer to be your secretary if you wait a minute wait wait wait wait Wait just a minute before Irma says anything at all. I want to explain what she means We'll save time that way Ladies and gentlemen what my friend Irma wants to say is this today's the last time she will have the chance to repeat her offer To work as secretary for a day to the person who bids the highest amount to the March of Dimes Anti-pullial funds here. I wonder who my new boss is gonna be whoever it is cookie You've got to do a good job because it's for a worthy cause. Oh sure King I know I'm gonna be a very good secretary. I'll do everything except take dictation Except take dictation. That's right after all this is still a free country and I don't believe in dictators You know me be my guest Folks perhaps Irma Peterson isn't the greatest secretary in this world But you'll have to admit that Irma's real self Marie Wilson would make a decorative addition to any office So send in your bids to the March of Dimes now and perhaps my friend Irma in the person of the beautiful Marie Wilson Will become your secretary for a day the deadline for you to write or wire in your bid is midnight tomorrow Monday, January 21st The winning bidder's name will be announced at the close of next week's my friend Irma show and all the money Contributed by the winner will go toward the March of Dimes fight against infantile paralysis Also, not only is my friend Irma in the person of Marie Wilson donating her own services for the March of Dimes But it's also arranged for a polio victim selected by the March of Dimes headquarters to receive a complete Secretarial course at the Catherine Gibbs school in New York and friends We're very happy to announce that the highest bid we've received to date is five thousand dollars Which was sent in by the Coca-Cola bottling company of Fort Worth, Texas Who want Irma to work as secretary for a day in the infantile paralysis chapter headquarters at Fort Worth? But remember there's still time for you to send in your bid for my friend Irma between now and midnight of January 21st And if yours is the winning bid Marie Wilson will fly to your town to work in your office as your secretary for a day and Then you too will find out just what it's like to spend the day with my friend Irma My friend Irma is a Psy Howard production and is directed by Park Levy who writes the script with Stanley Adams Pat Burton is a social producer Marie Wilson is started Irma and Kathy Luisa Jane the part of Al was played by John Brown Ponds Conrad was heard as Professor Capuchin Gloria Gordon as Mrs. O'Reilly Alan Reed as Mr. Clyde and Lyle Felix and as Richard music was under the direction of Ludd Ruskin You can't have a sparkling personality if you don't have sparkling eyes And you can't have sparkling eyes if they're tired dull red from lack of sleep driving wind or glare So get I gene one or two drops in each eye float away that tired eye feeling leave eyes refreshed Then your whole face lights up I gene is like a prescription contains lexatol a tonic for your eyes safe gentle I gene E Y E G E N E at drug counters everywhere trial size only 25 cents larger sizes even more economical Be with us next Sunday at this time when ends America's most popular chlorophyll tablets again bring you my friend Irma Carl Caruso speaking And now stay tuned for our Ms. Butt. Charlie E. Barton will follow us immediately on most of these CVS stations My friend Irma was transcribed. This is the CVS radio network