 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan as I have Jonathan as I comment I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our topic why he loses interest the minute you show yours Why he loses interest? That's sad Really quickly if you're new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button hit the bell and also if you like this video Please smash that like button. I'd be truly grateful All right, let's just jump into our topic So why do men lose interest the minute you start showing interest to them? So there's an interesting dynamics Dynamics dynamic between With many women and human behavior is that you you're very familiar that men are chasers men are hunters I'm sure you've heard that women are known as berry pickers and they have diffused Awareness and they know how to multitask and men are very singular focused Right. So in the dating process if this has happened to you, have you ever had a man come on strong? I mean really just come on strong. He's just totally into you and this happens Every day every day out in the dating realm There are men that come on strong and then the minute the relate something the the minute There's some clothe. There's intimacy or there's some shift in the woman's behavior. It seems like men dissipate All right, so I want to lean into that conversation right now because the idea that men are hunters from the biological Perspective. Yes, we were cavemen and we hunted dinosaurs and that sort of thing But from a relationship perspective Actually in the caveman days men didn't really hunt women. They just claimed women from a barbaric sense if you will very Unemotional sense. They just literally claimed what they want because they were claiming sex. They were claiming sex. So sadly Women were for throughout history were treated as property So this notion from a caveman perspective that we're hunters and that we're hunting. I want to be in a relationship I want to be in a relationship intentionally doing this kind of as a dance is because it's not a real indication of whether or not A man wants a significant relationship with you. So now what's interesting though, there's an interesting Any man who's in a happy relationship might say I knew she was the one right from the beginning. Okay now many men say that they knew she was the one But how about all those men that said she was the one in the beginning and it totally didn't work out So that idea that we know right from the beginning isn't a real test Of a strong relationship. It's just what it is is it's chemicals being released in our body. It's testosterone it's estrogen it's oxytocin it's dopamine all those chemicals that cause us to literally pursue or chase And then this happens A minute a woman But for lack of better words surrenders her heart. We become deer in the headlights now I'm not saying all men a Significant number of men become deer in the headlights and there's several reasons for it. And that's what I want to lean into today. Okay Part of the reason is one Is that we may not be ready for a serious committed relationship? We may not be ready for a serious committed relationship So the minute you show your emotions and start Expressing greater interests this might cause us to back away because we don't want to make a promise We can't keep Breathe that in we don't want to make a promise. We can't keep Now this happens for many men. And by the way, I'm going to talk about how to overcome this in a moment So just recognize that that's one possible reason Another possible reason is we butt up against what's known as our love attachment style We butt up against what's known as our love attachment style And if you're not familiar with the book hold me tight by sue johnson Hold me tight. There's a chapter that the chapter two goes into why goes into much greater detail why this happens Now, I know some of you aren't happy that I recommend books and because it it takes too long to read Well ladies if your love life Is not worth 15 minutes a day of studying if your love life If if your emotional well-being is not worth 15 minutes a day then what business do you have Wanting to be in a relationship. I'm here to say 15 20 minutes a day of investing in yourself Leaning into your sovereignty leaning into your self-worth and part of the reason why there's so many struggles in relationship is because we've adopted This philosophy that I'm not philosophy this experience of I need you to love me for me to feel good about myself This is why I'm such a big proponent of self love It's why I wrote a book called what the heck is self love anyway And by the way, there's a link to all my recommended books in my book right there as well This is a book of a journey of personal development a self-help and spiritual work And I literally only ask of 15 minutes of day For you to invest in yourself. Can you do that? Can you invest in yourself? If you say yes, please post Yes, I'm going to invest in myself Okay, so how do we shift from this Man who's going to run away before it ever gets serious? Well, I believe one of the challenges in most dating most Relationships today is we spend more time on this Then we do face-to-face. We're spending more time on our phones Texting an incessant communication instead of real face-to-face communication All right, I get it. We're in a pandemic The world has changed. Who knows where we're going to be in the future? This is why I want to recommend another book for you This is a book I got 10 years ago and and I just picked it up and started reading it again It's it's kind of cute, but it's called oral sex oral sex talking and listening your way to a passionate intimacy Intimacy Intimacy isn't just sex. Intimacy is being vulnerable. It's being authentic. It's being transparent And sadly a lot of women haven't really learned how to do that with men You might be that way with your female friends, but you haven't learned how to do that with men And this is because there's this fear of the minute you open up. He's going to leave you And and by the way, even this title suggests that right the minute you open up He's going to leave you and I'm here to say this is why we have to begin opening up Right from the very beginning being vulnerable being authentic and transparent because a guy who's capable of going the distance Is not going to run away at being vulnerable. I'm going to share with you I personally become very vulnerable with someone I'm I'm about to date Part of that is because I lost my 19 year old son Connor. Those of you know him. That's him right there And I I lean into my vulnerability because this is an important part of my life This experience and I want someone to understand that and I bring that up very early on Now some people some male coaches have told me don't share that that's too personal that shows insecurity that shows weakness I'm here to say being vulnerable authentic and transparent is the most courageous thing you can do It's the most courageous thing you can do. I'm looking for my book from brunet brown If you want to learn about courage check out brunet brown's work on courage because true courage is being vulnerable and i'm here to to impart upon you this This understanding that being very vulnerable and authentic and transparent early on It will only scare the wrong guys only the wrong guys are scared by this only the wrong guys who are unable to make That promise of commitment to you are going to run away and better to know this early on Very early on Then getting deeply deeply entrenched only trying to figure out how to bring him back and using reverse psychology tools One of the reasons why I have frustration if you've listened to my other videos Why I have some frustration over some of the other advice because it's using reverse psychology techniques And those are very weak rooted techniques. They don't really last the test of time What lasts the test of time first? Is getting to know yourself and loving on yourself first and then understanding human behavior That's why I recommend all these books. So when you understand behavior You can predict what's going to happen next and then you can make better choices So how do you want to shift this perspective? Lean into your vulnerability early on and the right guy Who wants to genuinely get to know you will lean into the vulnerability as well and he won't lose interest All right, did this resonate with you? I hope it did If it has resonated with you and you want some support, that's what I do for a living I'm a coach check out a link to a free discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you And if you can't afford coaching check out my link to my group called midlife love mastery It's only seven dollars to join for the first month and it's 20 bucks there After that and you can check out all the details there All right, I noticed I've got it stains and I'm totally embarrassed So I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a pillow or even a teddy bear and give it a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now