 The Kraft Foods Company presents Willard Waterman as the Great Gilda Sleeve. The Great Gilda Sleeve is brought to you partially transcribed by the Kraft Foods Company. Kraft, makers of the one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. We say one and only because there just isn't any other salad dressing like Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip is different and it tastes different. Miracle Whip tastes so good it's become the most popular salad dressing ever created. More Miracle Whip is sold than the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined. Try it. Make your salads better tasting with the one and only Miracle Whip. Well, during these warm, lazy days with only a few weeks of school before summer vacation, Great Gilda Sleeve's nephew Leroy finds it difficult to attack his studies with any degree of enthusiasm. Oh, brother, what a life. Nothing but work. School is for the birds. Come to think of it, they don't even make birds go to school. I bet it's illegal. And that English assignment, a 2,500-word theme. Oh no, I can't do it. I don't know 2,500 words. Oh, grown. Gee, where's the things they do to a child? What you moaning about? Birdie, you know what I gotta do. What you gotta do? I gotta write a 2,500-word theme. A whole noun book? What about? I don't even know. I not only have to write it, I gotta think what to write about. Boy, you are in trouble. Didn't the teacher give you any hint? She said to go to the library, pick a subject and do a lot of research on it. Here's his baseball season and I gotta go into a moldy old library. Well, Leroy, you can't write unless you know what you're writing about. The thing for me to do is to help smarter. Say, I could write about something here at home. Why don't you write about your dog? Yeah. Let's see now. What'll I say about him? He eats, sleeps, and barks. A page. I think I'll write about him. Mr. Gil Sleeve? Well, sure. He can do things a dog can't do. Well, you know Yonk will well not to write about him. I know. I'll follow him around for a day and take notes. I'll call it 24 hours with my uncle. What do you think, Birdie? I guess that'll be okay if nobody's gonna read it but your teacher. Hello, everybody. I'm home. Hi, Yonk. Where are you, my boy? In your study. Studying? I don't know. We're talking about you. What? Don't worry, Mr. Gil Sleeve. This is nice talk. Well, naturally. How are you, Birdie? Fine. Thank you, sir. How'd you like to have me follow you around for 24 hours? On dates and everything? Yeah. I'm taking notes. Leroy. Leroy's got a theme about you, Mr. Gil Sleeve. A theme? Yeah. I got to write 2,500 words about something. Well, needless to say, I'm flattered, my boy. You mean you could have written this about anything or anybody? Sure. We'll start it tomorrow, okay? Yes, indeed. Okay. See you later. What a fine boy. Yes, sir. He could have chosen any one of a number of personalities, Birdie. Yes, sir. Didn't he consider Washington, Lincoln, Eisenhower? Well, it was strictly between two of you. Oh, me and who else? You and the dog. Good morning, Pee-Dee. Oh, Mr. Gil Sleeve. What can I do for you this morning? Well, I just thought I'd drop in and spend a few minutes before I have to meet Leroy. Isn't that all you're gonna spend? Well, that's all this morning, Pee-Dee. Very well. Meeting Leroy, you say. Yeah, the boy's gonna write a theme about me. Can you do a thing? Yep. You're going around with me today and take notes, and then write it up and turn it in at school. He's gonna expose you at school? No, Pee-Dee. You don't have to mind your peas and cubes today. No, it'll just be a routine day. 24 hours with my uncle, as Leroy calls it. Well, it's not too easy to live up to somebody's expectations. I discovered that when I married Mrs. Pee-Dee. Oh? Like many young brides, she placed me on a pedestal. She thought I was the perfect husband. She did? Until we got home from Niagara Falls. What happened? Well, I hate to say this, but my first day in the kitchen, I burned the biscuits. Pee-Dee, don't tell me you did the cooking. No, I didn't learn to run a lunch counter in a pharmaceutical school. Why, George, I didn't know you started out being hen-packed. Oh, I wasn't hen-packed. I was just hungry. But Mrs. Pee-Dee later learned to be a fine cook. Yes, I know. That cooking has nothing to do with Leroy observing me for 24 hours. Well, you could be on the griddle before it's over. What can happen? You know the boy has great respect for me. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I might even go so far as to say I'm his ideal. Yes, you might. And after he has this opportunity to observe me closely, he'll have a higher regard for me than ever. Well, now I wouldn't say that. Leroy's probably waiting in the car, paper and pencil poised. Yeah, I mustn't be late. A promptness is a virtue. Hey, I'll have him write that in. Yeah, George, it makes a man feel good to be looked up to. Keeps him on his metal. What's that? Oh, some lady can't get her car started. I didn't have to hurry. I'd meet Leroy. I'd stop and offer to help her. I'd better look the other way and pretend I don't see her. Yes, Miss. Well, I'll be glad to do what I can. I'm terribly sorry to have to ask. Oh, that's all right. I'll move over and you can get in the driver's seat. Good idea. Let's see now. It won't start. It certainly won't. Oh, now I see your problem. Your accelerator pedal's stuck. The carburetor's probably flooded. Yeah, there we are. Oh, thank you so much. Aren't you the water commissioner? Yes, indeed. Rockmore and P. Gilda Sleeves. Well, I'm so indebted to you, Mr. Gilda Sleeves. Let's see if it starts first. There she goes. Oh, you're wonderful. It's nothing, Miss... Miss... Well, I have to meet my nephew now. I don't want to detain you, but I've just learned to drive. Would you mind getting me out of this tight parking place? Not at all. We don't have much room. Oh, I'd never get out of here. Gilda Sleeves, you're so strong. You think so? Oh, look at you spin that wheel. And without power steering. Well, I've got the power. Just tell me where to steer it. Back up another foot. Bumpers with a car behind us. Oh, well, I'd better get out and take a look. Oh, I'm inconveniencing you, aren't I? I... Oh, no, not at all. You're always glad to help a pretty lady. Oh, you're sweet. Well, thank you. Now, let me see. Yep, we're stuck all right. You get behind the wheel, I'll stand on the other car's bumper, and then you can pull out. I'm gonna be late to meet Leroy. But by George, she's pretty. I wonder who she is. Yeah, all right. Get her ready. I'm ready. Yeah, I'll just get her to drive me to my car. You're clear now. You're missed. Right. I'm late to meet Leroy, and I don't even know her name. Well, there's my car. Luckily, Leroy hasn't shown up yet. It just shows everything comes out all right if you do a good turn for somebody. Yeah, I'll just get in the car and wait. Are you gonna park here all day, Mac? Hey, Mac. Oh, hello, officer. You're not gonna move it, huh? Oh, yes. Just waiting for my nephew. Where is he? In a double feature? No, officer. Will you do me a favor? Yes, indeed. What is it? Tell me. What does that sign say? Well, it says parking one hour. That's what I thought it said. He's a snide one. I came by here an hour ago. In fact, I was by here two hours ago, and I saw this car. Well, it... But I said to myself, Eddie, be a good fella. The joker who parked this car here is probably from out of town. Maybe he just doesn't know any better. Oh, wait a minute, officer. You just don't know who I am. Well, let's get acquainted. Sign here. Oops. Officer, I'm Throckmorton P. Gildersley. Now, look, a phony name won't get you out of this. I'm not a phony. I'm City Water Commissioner. Oh. Oh, well, I beg your pardon. Well, that's better. You must be new on the force. Yes, I am. I'll have to ask to see your driver's license. You know, I've got it right here in my pocket. I... Hmm. I should have it here in one of my pockets. Go right ahead. I'm in no hurry. My time is your time. I had my driver's license in my wallet, but I don't seem to have my wallet. And sorry, officer. No, I'm sorry, too. You're making me do a lot of writing. Overtime parking? No driver's license? The officer, I can explain this. I stopped to help a lady in distress. I had to help her start her car to get out of a close parking place. I locked bumpers. So? Well, I'm just pointing out the little delays a man runs into. And prior to that, I tarried in the drugstore a minute. Yeah, I can prove that at PV's pharmacy. I stop at PV's every day for cigars or something. Do you have a cigar, officer? Oh, surely you don't think I'll overlook this for a cigar? You don't know. No, that wasn't the idea. Hmm. Hello, Leroy. What's up? Well, officer, this is my nephew. Hello, young fella. Hi. Leroy, am I or am I not the city water commissioner? Yeah, sure. All right, I believe you. Great. Thank you, officer. I believe you're the water commissioner. I believe you locked a lady's bumper while fixing your starter. Bye. I also believe you parked overtime. You don't have a driver's license and here's your ticket. Zoof. Hey, my team's going to be exciting. What? First notation, up runs a fall of the law. Leroy. The great gilded sleeve will be back in just a minute. A hostess named Hilda had dinner for eight. She planned and she worked so her meal would be great. It would have been too, but her salad lacked zip. What poor Hilda needed was miracle whip. Some poetry, huh? Well, anyway, the idea is a mighty good one. Why let a flat tasting salad detract from an otherwise perfect meal? Give that salad the bright sparkling flavor you wanted to have. Make it with miracle whip salad dressing. 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When the great Gildesleeve learned that his nephew Leroy had chosen him for the subject of a school theme, the water commissioner was highly pleased. But right now the only person who's happy about the whole thing is Leroy. He's having a field day. Oh boy, if this keeps up my theme we'll win first prize. Leroy, if you're going to do a theme about me, why not get a fresh start? You just tear up what you've done. Start over. Are you kidding? And for what's the part about you being arrested? Don't make it sound so bad, my boy. A lot of people get traffic tickets. You just happened to be taking notes at the wrong time. Yeah. Let me get it straight now. You didn't even have a driver's license, did you? I just didn't have it with me. I'll make a note of that. You're not writing all that down, are you? I'm just making an outline like the teacher told me. She said every theme has an opening, a body, and a conclusion. And you sure gave me an opening. Yes, yes. Bertie? Yes, Bertie? I thought you called me. You were not policemen as for my driver's license. I discovered I didn't have my wallet with me. Have you seen it around the house? No, sir. It's not down here. I came when I made you bed this morning. It wasn't under your pillow. Hey, I just had a horrible thought. What's that, Leroy? Was my wallet in your wallet? Oh, my goodness. Leroy will have no more policemen. That's sure. I got Mr. Gil Sleeves' goat when the policeman gave him a ticket. Well, Bertie, it was very embarrassing. Oh, Mr. Gil Sleeves, you didn't mean no wrong. You just made a mistake. And it's human to make mistakes. Yes. Yes, it's human to make mistakes. And you're the most human man I know. Mr. Gil Sleeves, you know you wouldn't be a human if you didn't make mistakes. Yes, right. That's right. You're the most human. You're the most human. Maybe to South America. I just had to shake Leroy with him taking notes on me as like living in a goldfish bowl. It was pretty clever the way I sneaked out of the house without even seeing me. I'll just spend a quiet afternoon here at the office. Move! Hey! Leroy! Hi, Aunt. You weren't trying to get away from me, were you? Me? Why do you say that? Well, you don't usually jump the back fence when you start to the office. Well, I didn't tell you I was coming to the office because I didn't think it would be very interesting to put in your theme. I'll take a chance on that. I'll stick around and wait. Leroy, you're making a game out of this. Yeah. Let me use your typewriter, Uncle. I ought to type up my notes. Oh, for... Anybody in? Who's that? The janitor. Come in, Harry. You were working this afternoon, Commissioner? It's incredible. Well, Harry... How do you spell incredible? Leroy, don't put that down. Who's he, Commissioner? Your new secretary? Well, he's my nephew. Oh. Leroy? This is Harry. Hello, Leroy. Hi. Yeah. If you do get a secretary, Commissioner, get a girl. Oh? You want me to tell you why? No. Oh. Well, don't mind if I clean up the office, do you? No, you're out of here. I know it's early, but I'm going out this evening with an old Navy friend. Well, one of your shipmates in town? Well, hardly a shipmate. She's a wave. Oh, a date. Gosh, were you really in the Navy? Son, I was in the Navy so long whenever I think of it, my head starts swimming. What are you up to there at the typewriter? I'm writing a theme about my uncle for school. Yeah, Leroy came down to watch me and take notes. Oh. Oh. Well, now, if you want to dope on your uncle, just see me. No. Harry? As janitor of this building, I know more scuttle about what goes on here at the mayor does. Yeah? Harry. Sure, I'll never forget the day the mayor walked into the water department. And guess who he found with his feet propped up on a desk sound asleep? Unk? Yep. Just as content as a walrus summed himself on a hot rock. Oh, my goodness. Harry, when the mayor caught me asleep, you know I'd been up all night the night before trying to fix the snifter valve at the pump house. Yes, son. A lot of musing things have happened to your uncle. Yeah? Harry, let's not carry tales. I'm not telling tales. I'm just telling him how you can run your business. Well, that's different. You know, one day, a big tough fellow came up here complaining about the size of his water bill. Calls your uncle an income poop. Yeah? Harry, but you can be proud of your uncle, son. He stood right up to the man and he said, hey, I'll cut off your water. He did? Yes, sorry. And then a good-looking girl came in and complained about her water bill. But your uncle was strictly business. Yeah? He cut her bill in half. Harry, where is your loyalty? To the United States Navy. Well, pull anchor and show off. I'm glad Leroy went down for them all. Give me time to organize the work on my desk. You know, I'll have to focus the boy's attention on the real job I do into those tall stories Harry told him. Hi, huh? Hello, my boy. Is anything happen I should know about while I was gone? No, no. Well, I better get back to typing my notes. Leroy, I'd forget what Harry told you. The important thing for your theme is to know how I conduct my business. I'm to write about your business. Well, that's the important thing. You should know that I'm very much in the job here from nine until five, filling important appointments. It's true. All day long, your old uncle is strictly business. No dilly-dallying. What dilly-dallying? Well, it... Mr. Gilda, please. Come in. Oh, there you are. Hey, now. Well, hello, Miss... I'm sure you've been wondering what happened to your wallet. Yes, I've missed my driver's license. Well, here it is. I found it on the front seat of my car. Oh, I probably dropped it when I started your motor. Well, you were so sweet to me this morning, I wanted to return it as soon as possible. Well, thank you. This must be dilly-dallying. Isn't there some way I can reward you? You've already rewarded me. Bye. Goodbye. Well, back to my typewriter. What? I guess that was one of those important appointments. You don't have anything but. Well, this wasn't exactly an appointment. That's what I thought. Give me a few facts about this girl. Who is she? Well, I don't know her name. How about that? Goes riding around town with a girl, leaves his wallet in her car, and he doesn't even know her name. Leroy, we weren't riding around town. She had parked the car. Parking, huh? No. And get a load of that perfume. No wonder you dropped your wallet. Leroy, let's go home. I've got enough material to write two things. Leroy, you don't have to use everything that happened today. A lot of these things can be explained. Sure. Well, like, see, there's the policeman who gave me the ticket this morning. Where? He was walking up ahead there. He just turned the corner. By George, it's a good time to show him I have my driver's license back. Why don't you forget it? He said he believed you had a license. I don't want to forget it. The officer! That's enough. I'm glad that girl returned my wallet. Officer, will you step over here a minute? Oh, it's you again. Oh, so you remember me? Yes, I do. Yeah. Why is he getting out his book? Officer, I wanted to catch up with you to show you I have my driver's license. See? Yeah. Congratulations. Well, I just wanted to show you. No, I want to show you something. Yeah? Tell me. What is this you're parked by? He's a fire plug. Ready? It was. Now watch it, Leroy. Right off the bat, I'm got pinched for over-parking. Oh, I heard about that. And then a girl comes into the office to return his wallet and unclaims he doesn't even know it. Leroy, I tried to explain that. And then on the way back and beside a fire plug. Uh-oh. How'd he happen to do that? He stopped me. He stopped to show a copy have a driver's license. Leroy, lay off. Okay, I better get busy. I guess so. It's been quite a day, Bertie. Yeah. Everything happens when a man is trying to put his best foot forward. Yeah. I hate to think what Leroy's putting down and how it'll sound to the class and his teacher. Yes. I think I'll take a look over his shoulder and see what he's saying about me. What are you looking at, huh? Yeah, you will. Well, here, I'll read it to you. Yeah. The subject of my theme is lazy and fat. Oop. But very lovable. Yeah. He has sad eyes and big ears. Leroy, what are you saying about me? I'm not writing about you. Oh? Nobody believed that stuff. I'm writing about my dog. Well, at least I got one break today. The Great Gilded Sleeve will be with us again in just 30 seconds. A tempting, fancy salad main dish deserves something special in the way of a bread or cracker accompaniment. So try hot cheese-filled rolls, corn sticks, or oven-toasted crackers. That good-looking salad deserves something special in the way of dressing, too. So use Miracle Whip salad dressing. Miracle Whip is so delicious it makes any salad elegant or plain taste better than ever. Try it. See what the lively, teasing flavor of Miracle Whip can do for your salad favorites. See why millions prefer Miracle Whip. Hello, Peavey. Hello, Mr. Gilded Sleeve. I see you're wearing a flower and your buttonhole. It's a buddy, Poppy Peavey. I just bought it outside. Well, we should all help our veterans in every way we can. You bet. They've certainly helped us over a lot of rough spots. Yeah, I'm here to tell you. You haven't been in since Leroy started his theme about you, Mr. Gilded Sleeve. How did it turn out? You know, he didn't write about me, Peavey. He ended up writing about his dog. Well, that should make quite a tale. Yes, yes. That was a little bit of a system, Mr. Gilded Sleeve. A dog, a tale. I got it. I just wanted to make sure. Why didn't he write about you? Well, everything went wrong that day, Peavey. When I left here to meet Leroy, I was stopped by a girl. That's bad. It started an embarrassing chain of events. While fixing her car, I lost my driver's license. A policeman gave me a ticket. And you don't change. Yeah, that girl hadn't stopped me. Everything would have been all right, Peavey. I'm off women. All my life, they've caused me nothing but trouble. My, my. What's that? Oh, some woman trying to park her car locked, bumpered. Say. What is it, Mr. Gilded Sleeve? That's the girl I'm talking about, Peavey. The one that caused me so much trouble yesterday. Ooh, she's pretty. I guess I really should go out and help her again. You've had your share of trouble. Why don't I go? Peavey. You stick to your soda fountain. Yeah, I beg your pardon? Are you in trouble? Oh. Hello, Miss. Miss. By George, I'm going to find out her name if it takes all night. Good night, Miss. Great Gilded Sleeve is played by Willard Waterman. The show is written by John Elliott and Andy White from the Barclay Tram Star. Included in the cast are Walter Tetley, Lillian Randolph, Jean Bates, Byron Kane, Jess Kirkpatrick, and Dick LeGrand. Musical compositions by Jack Meakin. This is John Heaston saying good night for the Kraft Foods Company, makers of the famous line of Kraft quality food products. Be sure to listen in next week for the further adventures of The Great Gilded Sleeve. Done up just right, a delicious hamburger can be truly a gourmet delight. A big deal in eating pleasure. Of course, just about every good cook knows that a dash of Kraft-prepared mustard really makes a hamburger. Because when you add a little mustard, you add a lot of tang. Kraft mustard naturally. There are two kinds of Kraft-prepared mustard. Mild Kraft mustard, if you like it smooth and delicately spiced. Snappy Kraft mustard with horseradish added if you like it zippy. Get both kinds of Kraft-prepared mustard at your food store.