 by transcription. Good health to all from Rexall. It's the Bill Harris Alice Fay show presented by the makers of Rexall drug products and 10,000 independent Rexall family drugs. This is your Rexall family drugist here to say hello and welcome for the 10,000 independent drugists who have added the word Rexall to our own store names. You know us by the orange and blue Rexall sign on our windows, but our best identification is that we carry the 2,000 or more drug products made by the Rexall drug company. Some of these products are already household words like Rexall aspirin for instance, the fastest acting aspirin you can buy. Yes, by laboratory tests Rexall aspirin disintegrates faster than any other leading brand tested. And it's quality like that we family drugists are talking about when we tell you you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Good health to all from Rexall. And now your Rexall family drugist brings you the Bill Harris Alice Fay show written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tetley, Robert North, Jeanine Roos and Whitfield, Walter Sharpen is music yours truly Bill Foreman and starring Alice Fay and Bill Harris. Phil and Frankie have just come from a meeting with Jack Bennett. It seems Jack is taking his show to New York for a couple of weeks and he's informed Phil that he is going with him. Phil and Frankie are talking it over as they walk down the street. How do you like that cheapskate, Benny? Taking you to New York but not me. I play in the band, you think you don't? Frankie, he's just taking the cast. Nobody's even allowed to bring his wife. I'm going to have to be in New York for two whole weeks without Alice. Just take Harris on the loose in little old New York. Why do you have to go? Well, why do I have to go because they're clamoring to see me back east? That's why I'll be the best thing that's happened to Manhattan since the pilgrims landed on White Rock. Curly, I'm disappointed about not going on this trip. So was Alice. I called her and told her as soon as I found out. Frankie, I'd pay your fare but it'll cost me about $150 to take you on this trip and I can't spare the money. If I could only raise the dough myself, I... Frankie, why are we stopping in front of this pawn shop? Curly, I got the solution. I'm going to hock something to get the money from my fare. Come on. Oh, will you, Frankie? Gee, it'll be swell having you with me. Ah, it's a nice little store. Hmm? Where do you go to get the money? Right over to that cage, Mark Remley. They got a special department for you? Well, I've hocked a few things here. Hey, come on. Hey, here's my special rack. That's my overcoat. That's my suit. Hmm, new mouthballs. There's my guitar. Hello, son. Hi, Frankie. You put your mother in hock? This is the wife of the guy who owns the place. I just call her mom. Say, Mom, I'd like to get a little money on something. I'm sorry, son, but you know we don't handle stolen goods. What do you mean, stolen goods? Well, I know you don't have anything left of your own to hock. Mom, don't be a comedian. I can't stand funny old ladies. I got something to hock. I don't want to because it's a Christmas gift that has sentimental value, but I got to do it. How much can you let me have on a solid gold timepiece? I'll have to see it first. Okay. Curly, take off your wrist watch and show it to the ladies. You want me to hock the wrist watch that Alice gave me for Christmas? Why, I'd rather give you the gold out of my teeth and lose Remley, get your hand out of my watch. Curly, if you're my pal, you'll let me hock your watch. Won't do you any good in New York, anyway. What do you mean? There's a three-hour difference in time. What good is a California watch going to do you in New York? True. Alice gave me the watch and I don't want to... Alice won't even know it's gone. As soon as we get back from New York, we'll redeem it. Well, okay. Thanks, pal. I want you to know I'll never forget this. Someday when you're broken, down and out, lying in the gutter, you just call on me. Why call? I'll just nudge you. I'll get the 150 from Mom and I'll go down and see Bill Riggs at the Santa Fe and buy another ticket for the chief, then I'll go home and break the news to Alice. Now, meet me at the house later. Alice, do you mean to tell me you're allowing Philip to go to New York all alone without you? Well, why not? When he called, he said he was going on business. Business my elbow. Far be it from me to start any trouble, but I know when Philip gets to New York, he'll spend all his time in nightclubs, while I can just see him sitting in the Copacabana now. What's wrong with that? He's not alone. He's not? Who's with him? A corpus girl. What are they doing, Willie? She's sitting on his lap. She is, huh? Hey, Alice, I'm home. How are you, honey? Get that woman off your lap! What woman? What lap? Don't try to squirm out of it. Willie saw you sitting at the Copacabana. And with a red hat on your lap. Oh, Phil! Oh, I gotta lock the liquor cabinet. You two have been sniffed in my brandy. Alice, what's going on here? I'm just teasing you, Phil. Willie has an overactive imagination. He thinks you're anxious to go to New York without me. You're not, are you, Phil? Oh, honey, how could you even ask me that? Why, going to New York without you is like... like going to Chicago without you. Well, at least I got an answer. It doesn't make any sense, but it's an answer. Phil, you sure you're going to New York, aren't you? Of course I'm going to New York, and I can prove it. Here's the envelope with my ticket. I'm leaving tomorrow morning. Yes, it's a ticket to New York. Why, Phil, there are two tickets in here. Oh, yeah, that other ticket. That's for... Oh, you're darling. You bought it for me. What a wonderful surprise. But Alice, that ticket... I'll help you, sir. I'll keep the ticket so you won't lose them. You're a wonderful husband, and I love you. Love you, love you. Remly's going to hate me, hate me, hate you. That's his ticket. There it goes. Well, if I can't take Frankie to New York, I can't take him. I really should take Alice anyway. After all, she's my wife. And it'd be kind of nice having the little woman by my side. And besides, I can't get out of it now. Remly will understand. Well, Burley, here I am. I'm all packed and ready to leave. You going someplace? Of course I'm going. You got my ticket, didn't you? Yep. You told Alice about the ticket, didn't you? Yep. I'm all set to go, ain't I? Never mind the Gary Cooper dialogue. What happened to my ticket? Alice found it? She thought it was for her? She's going. Alice? Burley, something's gotta be done about that woman. I can take just so much. Why didn't you talk her out of it? I couldn't. I love talking her out of it. I'll speak to her. Before I forget, Phil, Mrs. Scott called and he wants you to call him at Rexall. Hello, Frankie. Hello. Did you hear the good news? I'm going to New York. You're going to New York? During the Blight? Blight. The Locust Blight. Those little rascals have engulfed Manhattan. They've eaten 12 floors of the Empire State Building and a hobo conferee boat. Frankie, stop with your wild stories. I'm going to New York and you can't talk me out of it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go upstairs and finish packing. And, honey, don't forget to call Mr. Scott. I'll call him later. Well, Frankie, I guess you don't go to NY. That's what you think. I'll just have to hock something out. Wait a minute. I got nothing left for you to hock. Curly, don't expect to hock anything else of yours. That's better. I'm not a heel. This is Alice's fault. I'll hock something of hers. Let's see. How about that silver tea set? No, no, no, not that. I'll never miss the tea set. I promise to take you. I know I promise to take you, but... All right. But you've got to redeem it the day we get back from New York. Okay. I'll get the money and buy the ticket. I'll see you later, Curly. Well, Curly, I did fine. I got my ticket to New York right here in my pocket. Good old mom. She gave you 150 on the silver set, huh? Well, not quite. I had to throw in a little something extra. Gee whiz, Remly. I hope Alice don't notice that that tea set and my watch are missing because she'll suspect that we're up to... Well, Phil, I'm all finished packing. Gosh, it's tiring. Well, it must be, honey. Is there anything I can do for you? Yes. Look at your watch and see if it's time for tea. Tea! Remly, hmm? Pico wants tea. She wants to know what time it is, Bill. What's the matter with you two? Oh, honey, we don't feel like tea. We're up for piping hot coffee. We got that nice new automatic coffee master. Nope. I mean, nope, Gary. When I hot the tea set, that was a little something extra. I had to throw in that. What are you two mumbling about? Make up your minds what you want to do. Oh, yes. I almost forgot it. How about a round of piping cold water? Remly, we still got the sink, haven't we? Make some hot chocolate. Okay, honey, that'll be fine. Yeah, yeah. There's an arrow in it, huh? Well, we better be careful. Look, before you get any more trouble, why don't you go home and I'll meet you at the train tomorrow. Now, don't lose the ticket. Don't worry. I got it right here in my pocket, and I wound. I wound. Early, it's gone. I got a hole in my pocket. It must have dropped out. Oh, no. You pawned my watch, Alice's tea set, and the coffee master to buy your ticket, and then you lose it. Now, what are we going to do? I wonder how much I can get on that portrait. Don't touch that! That's an oil painting of patrillo, you fool. Get on out there and start looking for that ticket. You must have dropped it outside Trino. Well, hurry up! How can a guy be so careless? He'd lose his head if I didn't tighten the screws for him every day. Gee whiz, I'm not... What happened to Frankie? Oh, honey, he had to go downtown. You know, honey, it's going to be nice in New York, just the two of us. Yeah. I'd like to take the children, their grandma will take good care of them. Hey, Alice, you know, we may not be in New York alone. You see, I... Mommy, look what we found in the hall. It's a ticket to New York. Oh, thank goodness. That's the ticket I... Oh, Phil, you darling, you put another ticket so we could take the children with us. But, Alice, it's only one ticket. All they need is one ticket. They go for half fare. Come on, children, if you're going to New York, I have to pack your things. Oh, how am I going to face Remle? Hey, Curly, I looked around outside, but I can't find the ticket. I don't know where it could be. You can stop looking. It's been found. Oh, thank goodness. I thought I'd never get on that chief. You still ain't getting on that chief. The squaw has taken her pampousses. I'll tell you, the kids found the ticket in the hall. Alice thought it was for them, and now they're going now. I've got to destroy this family. Curly, you can't do this to me. You promised to take me to New York, and you've got to go through with it. I know I promised it. All right. Look, Remle, Jackson gave me $150 for living expenses in New York, and I'll buy you a ticket with that. Oh, Curly, look, if I take your expense money, how would you live in New York? I just won't be able to eat. Well, as long as you've got to figure it out, I'll take the money. All right, wait till I count it out. There's 20, 40, 60. Phil, do you want to take this suit? What suit? I'll be with you in a minute, honey. 80, 100. Come on, hurry up. This time, I'm not coming back here with the ticket. Valice sees it. You'll probably think it's for Willie. Oh, sure. That's all I got to do. Lay out $150 for a ticket to take Willie to New York. Oh, Phil, you're taking Willie to New York. Wait! Are you a blonde bandit? Silly. Why should Phil buy a ticket for you as brother-in-law is much closer to him? This is just a family affair. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll call Willie and tell him. Valice, I warn you, if you people don't take me to New York, I'll... I'll shoot myself. Don't do it in here. I just had the rug cleaned. Frankie, I'm sorry. I despise you. I still want you to go. But I've got any more dough. We can only borrow it from somebody. But who? Alice is the only one that's got any money and she won't lend it to me. All right. Just a minute. Now, just a minute. What? She might if we softened her up a little. We played on her sympathy. Hey, I got it. She heard me threaten to shoot myself. I suppose I pretend I do it. Yeah. She think it was her fault and then she'd come through, huh? Come on. Let's get in the kitchen. Now, look. We'll smear some ketchup on you, fire a gun, and then I'll tell Alice you shot yourself. This'll do it. Hey, where's the ketchup? Here's some chili sauce. Now, just lie down there and I'll smear a little on your chest. Yeah, there you are. How do I look? Like a side order of French fries. Now, that ain't gonna work, Remly. It's too lumpy. Won't work. What we need is real blood. Stop staring at me. I'm not in a bleeding mood. But I tell you, if we're gonna fool Alice, we got to get some real blood. Well, if it ain't the plasma kit, a walking blood bank is really... Let's step up to his paying vein and make a withdrawal. Oh, say, Judas. Hey, kid. We want you to do us a little favor. We'd like to borrow some of your blood. All we need is a quart. You'll never miss it. So Mr. Remly can go to New York. This and me are going to New York and this is just a little scheme we cooked up to get her to pay Frankie's fare. Yeah, the only way we can get the money is to play on her sympathy, so I'm gonna pretend that I shook myself. That's a very smart scheme. The kid's right. If you used a real bullet, it'd fool Alice completely. No. I'll just spread this chili sauce out a little thinner. That looks pretty good. Yeah, it looks perfect. You can't tell that from any sauce. Come out, Julius, or I'll take you apart. He's got us, Curly. I know, I know, I know. All right, Julius, I'll try to get enough money from Alice for both of you. Now, look, Julius, here's how you can help. I'll go inside and talk to Alice. And when you hear me say, Frankie is broken-hearted, you yell, Stop! Don't do it! Frankie, you fire the gun, and I'll tell Alice you shot yourselves. Right. Okay. Now, don't forget, the cue is, Frankie is broken-hearted. All right. I hope this works. That Alice ain't so easy to fool you. Oh, there you are, Phil. Have you called Mr. Scott yet? Oh, honey, I haven't got time for that. Now, I'm worried about Frankie. He's awfully upset about not going to New York, and there's no telling, there's no telling what he might do, because Frankie is broken-hearted! No, no, don't! Oh, no! Frankie killed himself! Wait a minute, Phil. How did that go again? Julius said, I said, Frankie's killed himself, and then there was a gunshot. Oh, I see what you mean. Well, I just had a feeling he was going to do it. Come on, honey, let's go in and see. Don't be silly. He wouldn't kill himself. I tell you you would, because Frankie is broken-hearted. Look at that kitchen. Oh, this is all your fault, Alice, because you wouldn't loan him the money to go to New York. Yes, yes. Poor Frankie. We better get to him fast. Just look at him. Look at him lying there in that pool of chilly blood. Oh, Franklin, speak to me. Say something. I, I, I... Do you have any last request, pal? Yes. Alice, take me to New York and bury me there so my father can visit my grave. Your father lives in North Dakota. Let him commute. Oh, look, everybody, that bullet made a great big hole in his shoulder. We better put something in there to stop the blood. I'll get a cork. That won't do it. Get a towel. No, no, don't bother. Don't bother with a towel, Alice. Just stuff it with a ticket to New York. He's dying. The least we can do is make his last moment comfortable. Yes, honey. I'll prop up his head and you scrape off the blood and put it back in the chili bottle. Oh, you mean you're new all the time? Of course I knew. I've never seen such bad acting. You should act so good when you die. What about it? Well, I promised to take Frankie and Julius to New York. And we were trying to get the money from you. Why didn't you say so, Phil? I'll be glad to buy them each a ticket. Gee, thanks, honey. And you can pay me when we get back. Hey, you! But, Alice, I can't afford it. Hey, thank you, Mr. Harris. I better go home and start packing. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I have to pay for five tickets to New York at $150 apiece. Five times $150 is... is... at least. Hello, Mr. Scott. I was supposed to call you, but I got... Yes, yes. I wanted to talk to you about going to New York. Go buy your own tickets! What are you talking about? Look, I just laid out five times $150 to take everybody to New York. Alice, Willie, the kids, Julius and Frankie and I... Well, what a happy coincidence. I came over on behalf of Rexall to ask you to make appearances in New York on the Times Campaign. Oh, well... I'll be glad to do that. Yes, yes. We want you to take your entire cast and we were going to pay all expenses. You are? We were. Now that you bought the tickets for everybody, we won't have to. Oh! Very generous of you, Harris, and we have... Oh, he passed out. Well, I'll just tip my toe out of here and let him sleep this one off. Alice and Phil will be back in just a moment. But first, here's your Rexall family drug. Everybody's been talking about the cold weather lately, and that always reminds me of one big reason for the uniform quality of MI-31, Rexall's famous mouthwash. Why? What cold weather got to do with MI-31? Well, ma'am, first I should explain that the antiseptics used in MI-31 include highly efficient yet mild oils. And Rexall's men of science had to find a way to keep them in solution at their most effective strength. After long and careful experiment, what do you think they discovered? I don't know, but I'll bet it has something to do with cold weather. And you're right. After the MI-31 solution is carefully mixed, it's subjected to a rapid drop in temperature in specially designed cooling units. This makes it possible to filter off the excess oils and those remaining are kept in solution at their most effective strength. And how strong is that? Well, ma'am, full strength in MI-31 kills contacted germs almost instantly. It's quality like that we family druggers are talking about when we tell you. You can depend on any drug product that bears the name, Rexall. Good health to you all from Rexall. Folks, seriously, our entire cast is leaving for New York tomorrow to do our radio programs on the 5th and 12th of February to help further the March of Dimes campaign. And if you'd like to see $1 do the work of two, give to the March of Dimes. It will gladden your heart. Good night, everybody. Good night, everybody. This program was produced and transcribed by Paul Phillips. If vitamin deficiency is making it hard for you to take this winter weather, try plenamins, Rexall's popular multivitamin capsules. Just two plenamin capsules a day give you more than the daily minimum requirement of every vitamin for which such requirements have been established, plus valuable liver concentrate and iron. The daily dosage is sealed in airtight metal foil. Just break it off, and the remaining capsules stay completely protected. Ask for plenamins wherever you see the orange and blue Rexall sign on the window. And remember, you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall.