 Yesterday, I ate McDonald's for both lunch and dinner, so I think it's safe to say I live my life a quarter pounder at a time. I guess that's something I have in common with the two movies battling it out today. These street racing criminals turned superheroes only have one speed in life. Fast. After nine films have Dom and his team aged like a fine energy drink, or have they lost that spark plug that kept this franchise going. It's the Fast and the Furious vs. F9 the Fast Saga on movie feuds. The Furious started out with a pretty simple premise. Brian O'Connor, a young cocksher cop, infiltrates the seedy underbelly of underground street racing to figure out who is behind a string of truck robberies. In the process, he develops a bromance with one of the best racers in the business, Dom, and even falls in love with Dom's sister, Mia. Eventually, Brian will join up with Dom's crew, and by the seventh film, he'll be riding off into the sunset. Comparing the first film to that of the ninth is like comparing a children's coloring book page to that of the Sistine Chapel. That might be a bad analogy considering the crowd I'm talking to. It would be like comparing Baby Shark to Fred Durst's masterpiece, Nookie. They're so wildly different that if you change the names of the characters, they would be two totally different properties. Here's a fast summary of F9. Dom and Letty are ranch hands now, raising Dom's estranged son from fate to the Furious. For a film all about family, Dom sure as shit goes out of his way to avoid his. Not only did he have a son, but apparently a brother too. One who is working for a rich, powerful bad guy who keeps Charlize Theron in the glass box from Mission Impossible Rogue Nation. Meanwhile, Kurt Russell's character Nobody records a message for Dom and his team. They need to retrieve a bunch of MacGuffins before the competition does. The Tokyo Drift crew shows up, everyone is super skilled with guns, hand-to-hand combat, and a string of other things they never trained for in their life. That was like maybe 20% of the plot. But who cares? We're here to watch people drive fast and on occasion Furious. It's about family. The first film offers plenty of that, while this newest installment is more akin to driving fast and preposterous. I would actually say it's fast and ludicrous, but that would just be confusing because there's an actor named that in these movies. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a story that makes even a fraction of sense. So strapping a car to a rocket to destroy a satellite orbiting Earth doesn't qualify. Fast One's gonna take the round. Hanging out with the fast and the Furious crew is like eating at Olive Garden. When you're here, you're family. But which one really feels like that though? Fast One has Domitello. Punky Brewster. Female Muscle Tea. Baby, I'm crazy. It's been a long day without you, my friend. Black Hawk Down. And motorcycle drive-by. That was a third eye blind reference. Subscribe. F9 doesn't only bring back the old favorites, but it even resurrects some and offers some new flavor as well. Here they are. There's Mamma Mia. The personification of Red Bull. Live and let he die. Luda. Two fast Tyrese. Han of the Dead. Fast and the Furiosa. Don's brother Jacob, who is never once mentioned in the previous eight films and somehow grows a foot and a half in his mid-20s. There's also like 20 other people in this, but I think that's enough. We can move on. Listen, there's no debating the impressive lineup that 2021 film brings to the road. But these cars have put a lot of miles on over the years. They're looking a little rough. That's gonna be another win for the Fast and the Furious dog. I feel like the first couple Fast and the Furious films really, really catered to a certain demographic. I'd say that audience are bros that like fast cars driven by perpetually sweaty people tearing through the streets to some hard rock and rap hits. Things started to beer. Or drift, if you will, after the third film. Tokyo Drift. And the franchise went through a bit of a tune up or a tune down, if you will. The simple racing for cash and respect angle changed to saving the world over and over again. There's plenty of racing goodness in that first film directed by Rob Cohen. And if you'll allow me, speaking as someone who knows virtually nothing about cars other than they have four wheels typically and a steering wheel. I quite enjoyed me those CG shots of the inner workings of the vehicle. The awful dated slow motion, however, was as ugly in 2001 as it is today. There is some really shameless product placement too. I for one cannot stand that disgusting in-your-face marketing that some movies do. Oh god damn that's good, Nos. After watching even five minutes of F9, you'll look back on the original and say, Things sure seem quaint here. While there is zero street racing to be found, the crew is still driving fast. They outrun a militia group through a minefield, pursue evil villains several times across different continents, and even travel at high speed in space. Nothing makes a lick of sense and physics is a parody of itself. Dom slingshots a car across a large chasm. Cars drive up falling bridges. Magnets don't work how they should. And in space, no one can hear you drift. Fast and the Furious takes the win. Oh, sorry. Sorry, I mean the Fast and the Furious takes the win. Fast and the Furious was the name of the Fast and the Furious 4. Sorry for the confusion. This is a great franchise. Hey, you can't have the Fast without the Furious. That's the proper mix. And we're going to determine which one has more of it. Since the first movie is attempting to be a somewhat serious affair with grounded storytelling, the Furious stuff seems a bit tame in comparison to the Transformer-esque sequels that will come down the line. We do see guys jump out of one vehicle to another, but it's not done in a cartoonish way. F9 features mammoth amounts of logical leaps, where guys are effortlessly hopscotchin' around fast-moving vehicles. Sometimes they ride on top of trucks as they crean off the side of a cliff. Other times they fall off a car and onto another one that was pushed their way by a friend I guess cushioning their fall. You can do that with cars, you know. You can just shove them sideways to other people. There are some scuffles in the first Fast movie as well. A few hand-to-hand brawls that lead to some hurt egos and fractured relationships. Let's go ahead and contrast that with the new one. We now see Dom sending handfuls of guys to the morgue down in the sewers. Dom has achieved the strength of a fully grown Groot who realizes that the rock is a much bigger star than he is. So anger is really fueling that rage. Since Dom's whole crew has murdered arguably hundreds of people in the later installments due to their insane hijinks, I think I'm gonna have to give this round to F9. Those magnet cars alone had to have caused a multitude of deaths. That's about as furious as it gets. Cars on the table, that's not an expression. I have no idea how this franchise continues to survive and seemingly has no end in sight. Vin Diesel is getting dangerously close to being nothing more than a stone sculpture. The studio can just wheel out to the next movie. There's your car, sir. The budget and spectacle keep getting pushed harder and harder, but the energy appears to be completely exhausted at this point. I have an easy winner here, and that's the first movie. And that's for the simple premise and straightforward execution. The true winner is possibly determined by you. If you subscribe to Adam Does Movies and follow Movie Feuds, I put a poll up every single week, and this episode was no different. Here's how things shook out. F9, the fast saga, only received 13% of the votes, making the fast and the furious the winner at 87%. Sometimes we disagree, but in this case, we were on the money. Thanks for watching the episode. Like the video if you had a good time. I'm Adam, and this is more than just reviews. This is Movie Feuds. At this point, Universal has sold out so many of its properties. We might as well just start meshing them together. Let's just put Fast and the Furious into Jurassic Park. Let's toss them into Transformers. We could have Jurassic Park Jungle Drift. We could have Transformers Decepticom. I mean, it writes itself.