 Your coca-cola bottler presents, Claudia Claudia based on the play and novels by Rose Franken brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles coca-cola Relax and while you're listening refresh yourself Have a coke and now Claudia Like a cow or something so when you wander off like that, I know which way to send the blood house Be doing in the department store. I'm sure I don't know. I don't even know what I'm doing in one came here with me Have a toaster fix remember Mommy's not a lovely scarf. You mean the grave with the silver threads in it. Nice, but I didn't think you wanted a scarf Well, I don't really Maybe I'd get something for the house like a scarf or bedroom slippers. That's all you've looked at so far What do they have to do with a toaster? Oh, they just happen to be around Mama look at that isn't that just a thing for the house isn't what that thing over there It's impolite to point it, but maybe you better anyway, I don't see why it is Why does what impolite to point? How's anybody supposed to know what you're talking about if you can't point? Some people have been known to describe things when they're talking about barn doors They're intelligent enough to say barn doors. You apparently well all you can do is point Anybody can tell a barn door when they see it, but who can tell what that is I thought you said it was just a thing for the house what I can tell of it is. Oh, oh That thing what would you call it? Well, it's a combination barometer and thermometer and clock and something else It says humidity then it's probably a dial to telling you how much humidity there is in the air Well, who wants to know that? That's the people I guess lots of people who want to know how much humidity there is in the air want to know But I can't make anybody else to you Fred I can't and it's all mounted on a tobacco humidor What do you think of it? I'm afraid it's so practical that it's completely useless. What do you think the humidor spoils it? It'd be too much for David You think David would like that. No, he'd hate it. I think That's the first thing you said all morning. That makes me sense now come on, Claudia Don't just get fixed on the second floor. No, I have to get something for the house Excuse me Maybe we can't even use it at all for a while, but it's sort of to celebrate it Like a weather vane made it that's just right or an iron duck with our names on it to put out in front Mr. Paradiso's gonna make us a sign. He said he would who's mr. Paradiso. Well, he's in Eastbrook I didn't ask you where mr. Paradiso is didn't you but the name like that I always think everybody's gonna ask where he is. He's the general Contrastor then you found one we saw his name on a sign and this is the first house he ever worked on I mean for himself As the first house you've ever owned. Yep This combination could be as harmonious and mixture of ten pounds of dynamite in the kitchen man. You don't know mr. Paradiso That's the prize me shall we and wait till he's finished working on the house perhaps then it won't be considered necessary to meet him He's the sweetest and the most impolite man you ever met Everybody needs for things he's a whipper snapper and brash and strappers and inexperienced and he keeps interrupting and mama He's charming David and he get along beautifully. It couldn't be that your general impression of him is rather colored by the way You'll feel about the house. No, it couldn't be that just because you're so specially excited about the house You're excited about mr. Paradiso too. Who's excited about the house especially couldn't be you could it Why your eyes are so bright if you were a few years younger, I'd be sure you had the measles again It is exciting for a long time. You didn't seem to it's so exciting. It almost doesn't seem fair That's a funny word. I mean when so many people have no place at all Not even a place to be alone It doesn't seem right that we should be owning a place of our own And mr. Paradiso says it's one of the finest houses in Eastbrook. I mean as an architect Then you like the house like it you realize it's an authentic softbox built in 1760 If I didn't realize it after a month of hearing about it and seeing it four times I'd be a lot stupider than even I admit to be and it was built by adam martin who built a lot of the finest old places in Connecticut, that's fine Are you going to like living in it as much as you like owning it living in it? I didn't even think about that But mama it is a wonderful house. You've decided that And I suppose this present you drag me down here to buy is a sort of apology to us for having taken so long to find out I don't understand you at all sometimes A little you understand me perfectly Well, let's get on with it We've got to find you a peace offering has to be something really special and we have to find it today Well, don't you think it's best to get things when you're all excited about them? I think it's best to get them when you have someplace to send them Especially when you can send them where you want them to go. That's just what I don't want to do You want to keep them in your apartment so you can remember that you're a couple of landowners. That's it Is it likely to be in the way? It doesn't have to be something big just something for the house Like a plow chair. That's big. Well, you do know something about farming after all How about those umbrellas stands over there? Where wouldn't that be just a thing for the front door? Mama you aren't serious. How about fireplace matches? They won't keep will they? Besides, I can't see why ordinary matches aren't just as good I expect after two years in the east book you'll be making your files by rubbing two sticks together You know, I've been thinking about and ire They'll be handy to have in your apartment all winter long How about a mailbox? The house has one The croquet set? This is going to be a farm mama Hey, look What now? That sign in front of the elevator The advertisement, I mean That? Don't you think it's perfect? It's just what we're going to need But Claudia, it's so much Come on, mama. The elevator is almost full You're serious? I certainly am And I'm going to have them send it over this afternoon Jumping bulls, frogs, what's that? See my hair. Did you notice anything different? Darling, you're home One moment, please Oh, you noticed it Noticed it? I can't notice anything else Darling, that's sweet. Do you like it? How can I tell if I like it? You haven't unwrapped it Oh, I forgot about that. I'm so used to it already I thought you met my hair Well, what is that? That? Oh, it's a little something for the house A little something for the house Well, it looks like a big house for the something It really isn't so big Oh, no. Local motives are bigger, I suppose I mean, it's just the wrappings that make it look so big You mean it's just six feet of paper And when we get it all off, there's a pocket knife inside Why don't you just take it off and see? Why take it off here? Why didn't you have it sent right to the country? What I mean is, what was the big hurry? We don't need anything up there for the next three months, I have Just why I had it sent here Oh, well, everything's perfect to clear now Are you just going to stand there? Aren't you even going to open it at all? Haven't you any curiosity? Oh, I've got curiosity, all right But I'm a little bit scared Whatever it is, it's big enough to eat us Claudia, it isn't a cow That is silly. If it were a cow, bluff would be barking at it Well, here it goes Well, it's a, it's a hammock It's a very special kind of a hammock It's the newest kind of a steel hammock You don't even need trees for I must admit, it's the most streamlined hammock I ever saw It looks practically jet propelled David, it was such a bargain I'll bet it was, I know my wife Just as soon as it gets warm, we're going to put it out behind the kitchen under a tree And you can lie there all afternoon and read the Sunday papers It's warm enough right now And I'm going to climb in the hammock and read my evening papers and come Oh, you can't do that, this is for the country Ah, hammock's just what we've always needed in this apartment I was hoping you'd give me one for Christmas, but you didn't seem to get the hint Who ever heard of a hammock in an apartment? Oh, who cares, who heard of it? Now let's see, where are my white flannels? What do you need them for? Well, if a man's going to lie in a hammock, he's got to be dressed for it And my beach umbrella We haven't got a beach umbrella We haven't even got a beach Well, we'll have to get one Now, how can I read in the hammock with the sun getting in my eyes? Nobody said you had to read You can just lie in it and smoke a pipe We'll have to buy you a corn cob right this minute Now you're getting the idea, darling Do you know how to get in it? What do you think it is, an upper berth? Are you waiting to ring for the porter and have him bring you a ladder? I can see you had very little experience with hammocks They're easy to climb in, but not so easy to stay in Sounds like a canoe Now I'm going to get in and don't you rock the boat? Aye, sir All right, here we go, it's leaning a little starward Do you don't mean poor sailor? This isn't the life How do you feel? How do you like the view of our meadow? Oh, listen to the cattle mooing Is it time to milk them? Tomorrow, darling, I'm going to get a tail Well, you milk them tomorrow I'm glad we decided to have that bay window changed Certainly looks nice from out here, doesn't it? And that brook, listen to it, babble Or do I mean you? Darling, you mustn't insult a man when he's lying in a hammock He's liable to fall out and make dense in your farm Don't you want me to rock you, darling? No, you climb the board, maybe Come on, we can rock it ourselves Is there room for two of the hammocks? Well, there's only one way to find out And wait until you see what a view of our farm you'll get from up here Well, I'm going to try I'll stand on this chair and then I'll just step in Take it easy, take it easy It's all right, old boy You like it up here in the country? Here I come, David Take it easy now, these things are tricky Well, you made it seem easy enough Hey, watch out, watch out That's the fast This is wonderful Eh, it is sort of especially cozy, isn't it? David, if people always had hammocks Why did anyone ever bother inventing a bed? If people had always had you No one would have bothered inventing the moon It's unnecessary, it's gilding the lily That's sweet David, I love you I love you too Hey, don't tip the canoe Well, don't try to stand up in it either I won't Hey, David, how does anybody get out of a hammock? It's impossible You might as well resign yourself to spend the night My resignation is cheerfully accepted You can't climb out the top And if you try to go over the side, you tip it over So here we are Oh, how nice Claudia Claudia, don't wiggle so far I'm not wiggle Claudia, look out Oh, you hurt, darling Just my pride Then cheer up, you can eat off the mantle This broadcast of Claudia was supervised and directed by William Brown Maloney Isn't it nice that so many food stores have Coca-Cola coolers these days? Makes marketing practically a pleasure, doesn't it? Now, when you get impatient or weary Just look around for the familiar red cooler Spend five minutes and five cents Enjoy a bottle of ice-cold coke And you can finish your marketing refreshed Every day, Monday through Friday, Claudia comes to you transcribed With the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola So listen again tomorrow at the same time And now this is Joe King saying au revoir And remember, whoever you are Whatever you do, wherever you may be When you think of refreshment, think of Coca-Cola Or ice-cold Coca-Cola makes any pause The pause that refreshes