 So the title of this video is if he does this then he's a man who lies and I'm actually going to be reviewing the golden bachelor once again because some new things surfaced about Gary or Jerry or whatever his name is by the way isn't that a lie right now first off he spells his name G E R R Y I'm sorry that's Jerry it's not Gary and that to me is number one lie no I'm just kidding but it's something that frustrates me or frustrated me and I don't know if anyone else that felt the same but there's some new things that have surfaced about him that kind of relates to the midlife demographic if you will of how people either lie or exaggerate things about themselves to make themselves look good so let's get into a first a couple things about Gary and now he claimed he was a restaurant tour restaurant tour by the way folks let me rewind for a second I'm in a real I'm going to give you some examples of how a man you might be able to catch a man in a lie so sitting you know I'm going to give a few examples in just a few minutes so stick around for a second but he he claimed coming back to Gary that he was a restaurant tour well it turns out now now that the show is over that he earned or owned a burger joint for a small period of time so I'm kind of and he also was a handyman he did some odd jobs he was a manager at I don't know some place I don't recall the particulars but I suspect when he or his children were filling out the application for the bachelor they thought it might sound more impressive if you put down restaurant tour like he owns spagos or a Wolfgang Puck restaurant or mastros just to name a few right well no he owned a burger joint so you know is that a lie no it's a restaurant certainly he could call himself a restaurant tour but I certainly believe that there are many instances where men and women exaggerate things about themselves I think we see this frequently when it comes to someone's height okay a man is five foot seven and he puts six foot six foot down on his dating app well because he knows that he's going to be rejected based on height now obviously when you get to meet the person in person that's going to come out but I think there are some natural things that people do are not natural things to do but things that people have done to to avoid being rejected certainly height is one of them and for women it's body type you know I don't I don't know how many times I've heard a person well it's a you know muscle weighs more than fat okay well I'm sorry you know what then you can't put slim as a body type when you are probably extra curvy or a volumptuous just to begin with I think putting down slim and so men and women tend to lie the biggest lie that happens in the dating world happens to be someone's age this is mostly for folks that are in midlife they will they will fudge their age because again we're being rejected in this capacity and we can spend hours debating whether or not this is a lie or fudging or not I think what came out of the golden bachelor since he has announced a couple things have come out particularly when he he according to Leslie he lied to her about his feelings and we're going to talk about that for a moment but it's also surface that he wasn't quite as truthful when asked a few questions related to his past experiences now the way he kind of established himself I've been celibate and single since my wife passed away six or seven years ago you know in other words I haven't kissed another woman well it's come to surface now that he actually has had several women since his wife passed away and even as early as within months after his wife passing away and he even had a relationship that lasted I believe over a year and I believe that this person even lived with him so certainly I don't know what he told the producers early on but to make himself look like a saint he most likely exaggerated substantially or omitted information about himself so is that a lie to omit information well I think if you're trying to deceive then I think that is fits into the category of lying even if it's an omission to some degree because it's going to come out it's like that five foot seven person that says there's you know okay let's maybe make them say that they're 511 instead of six foot you know it's going to come out these things are going to come out now what's interesting is the the what he shared with Leslie in particular about his feelings about her now he expressed strong feelings from what we understand in the fantasy sweet making her believe that she was going to be the one picked that she was going to be the one picked now we don't know because all we know is her side of the story and I suspect he probably did have feelings for her he genuinely genuinely genuinely liked her had feelings for her so was he misrepresenting his feelings you see this is where it gets kind of tricky because feelings aren't a statement of fact okay how you feel about someone isn't a statement of fact how I feel about you it's just a feeling feelings aren't facts now if he goes on to say that he clearly said I'm going to pick you and then he chose to pick Teresa well then that's a down and out lie but if he just said I feel really strongly for you I think you could be the one if there was some prefacing of it you could be the one I think you're the one then that's not a statement of fact okay so now what's interesting about Leslie is she is throwing him under the bus publicly I mean I think you know hell happened no fury like a woman scorned and what's interesting this plays into her pathology of being hurt frequently in her past relationship she expanded and exposed so much about about how she has been hurt and guess what happened she manifested that so ladies I want you to think about this if you have a narrative that says I've been hurt I've been hurt I've been hurt guess what you most likely will attract that and again it's time to shift the narrative instead of less yes you may have been hurt in the past but you don't need to talk about it anymore you know personally you know whether he loved bombed her or not you know I have to believe that being in that kind of environment that was probably kind of tough it's kind of similar to our current dating environment where people are dating multiple people you can have feelings for multiple people to the extent that we love bomb well that's love bombing for some is just excitement it's enthusiasm it's not necessarily intentional to deceive with someone and yet there are times where you know and I speak from personal experience I have been incredibly exaggerated my feelings because I was in a state of lust or limerence we call this love bombing as if it's a bad thing no it's just enthusiasm in some cases now for some people there's a manipulation involved to get someone in bed or maybe to take them for their money that sort of thing but it's just a natural human feeling when we have dopamine being dripped from our brain into our bodies you know we can act like idiots men and women alike you ladies are no picnic either I've seen you chase men you know you've you've literally hunted them down you know someone who wasn't giving you know someone who wasn't giving you the time of day so this isn't singular to one gender okay now I would have preferred that Leslie take the high road and not get into the weeds that's just my personal opinion for her benefit not for anyone else's benefit not for his benefit for her benefit because now she's swimming in this narrative and I think while some men will find her appealing I don't think I'm just speculating here I truly wonder if she's healed her wounds from her past relationships and so rather than going on the defensive with him and talking about it incessantly on the talk shows I'm more of a proponent of you know praise in public you know criticize in private okay that's just my perception anyway so what are some of the ways men and women lie to each other well I think one of the ways of lying is by omission by being ultra vague you know when Gary was asked when was the time you when was the last time you slept with someone you know I mean did you notice he really he he evaded it by being vague now maybe they cut it out that's the prop the part of the challenge that we have is we don't know what they did in the editing room but I certainly think when someone is vague particularly about their past their vague about their present life they are usually hiding something and if someone's hiding something then there's a good chance they are lying to you now that doesn't mean you have a right to know every human being secret so there are times where you might be asked a question that a person may not feel comfortable sharing that with you but you know rather than being vague I'm a big proponent saying you know I don't feel comfortable sharing that with you just yet until we've built a level of trust with one another so being vague now another way to determine if someone's lying is where their stories don't add up you know they they mentioned they went to college 20 years ago and then you go on their LinkedIn and there's no you know like there's no college you know aspect of it on their resume listed on their you know their LinkedIn resume I'm just giving that as an example maybe their professional capacity coming back to Gary who said he was a rust restaurant tour when he owned a burger joint and some of his other professions when their stories don't add up that's usually a good sign that this is a man who's lying now I also think when when something seems too good to be true did any of you watch the Netflix special called bad doctor bad doctor you've got to watch it it's a three part series but this guy was a full on bullshit artist okay he was supposed to be this renowned doctor and sadly a lot of people were playing into like some of the the the hospitals he were involved in were actually contributing to his lies okay but if something is sounds too good to be true you know there's a good chance there could be a level of lying within this person and we find out later that this guy was living a completely different live theme and head well I don't want to spoil it for you it's called bad doctor check it out on Netflix now another form of this is a real this is an aspect of lying when a person is very busy you know it fascinates me how many men will enter into the early stages of dating and they've got all the time in the world to invest in you they have all the time in the world until they have sex with you and then isn't it fascinating that all of their problems begin to surface and they don't have time it's like problem after problem after problem and that becomes their excuse so when someone seems too busy after a while that's just in my opinion a bullshit excuse for I'm just not that into you anymore you know another form of lying and I'm kind of guilty of what I'm about to say is TMI now someone who gives too much information and I'm guilty of this so I don't want to necessarily classify myself as a liar but I have a habit of wearing my heart on my sleeve but again when it seems excessive when it seems exaggerated when it seems just almost overwhelming that's a person that's probably hiding something within like they've they've got the lie the needle in this haystack of TMI that they're hiding something within there versus someone like myself that has a propensity of just getting a little over exaggerated and sometimes I share without a filter it's a it's a fault of mine to some degree I'm not proud of it but I'm aware that sometimes I don't necessarily have a great filter oh another way to spot someone who could possibly be lying is somebody who refuses to give you personal information about themselves they were they are coming back to the avoidance or vague but they almost refuse to give you personal information they they avoid it and they actually tried to sidestep all personal information you know again people that are secretive will do this because they have something to hide and someone has something to hide they are usually lying in this moment now I want to come back to exaggeration because there's different forms of exaggeration let me give you an example okay again I'm going to share something personal I'm going to out myself but professionally professionally I call myself a me America's leading midlife dating and relationship coach now this was a self proclaimed you know title now do I happen to be in a you know fairly top tier yes am I the leading person no I'm not I say America's leading I mean I'm saying that there's more than one out there is this an exaggeration well you know what maybe maybe I'll own it you know but it's also to give a little bit of context to where I devote most of my energies is focusing on midlife and now that I have progressed into a fairly large following on YouTube I think I can fit into those shoes fairly easily now with that said I took on that moniker years ago because sometimes we have to act as if we have to act as if in other words we put out that energy because it's something we want to step into I'm talking about real deception I'm talking about deceiving someone to convince them to like you to be with you to spend time with you or to sleep with you and we have to be mindful that when you're meeting total strangers and again in this world of in our current dating environment when you're meeting total strangers you know nothing about them it requires more time to do your due diligence then just haphazardly give your heart to a total stranger this is why I created my dating vows by the way folks there's a link below to get what's called my dating vows I've talked about this if you need me to talk about again I will but it's a way to get clarity my whole coaching practice is by the way here's a link right here to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coaches right for you there's a link below in the description as well to get all my different gifts and that sort of thing is that being discerning is an important quality for for for actually inviting in your ideal partner because we're swimming in a sea of a lot of dysfunctionality a lot of humans that don't necessarily intentionally lie but they find themselves like in this Gary case most likely a byproduct of a lot of unresolved issues in their lives I guarantee you Gary the pride of ABC's golden bachelor has his issues and they will spin this in their favor because they're here to make money but the reality is is we all have a few skeletons in our closet myself included we all do so so we have to recognize that you know we're not 100% truthful to everybody until you built real trust with another person and last but not least I just want to share this one piece before we move on and that is when someone gets super defensive with you they again most likely they're hiding something from you so if in the early stages someone gets super defensive there's a good chance they could be hiding something and when someone's hiding something they're usually lying in this boat moment is this thinking is this resonating please let me know in fact if it is I'd like you to post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts if you found value in this conversation please hit that like button please share this video please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos and live streams as well alright those who know my format if you have a question write the word question then post the question there after or you can see that little dollar sign the chat box you can hit that super sticker super chat all the money's from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley that's salty right there it's my son who passed away over five years ago and in his honor we donate to Hoffman process insight also defray the cost for those who can't afford all of the coaching that when someone works with me so again hit that little dollar sign our goal tonight is $50 so let's collect $50 for the Connor Asley scholarship fund and also if you want to join the hot seat click that link that I just posted right there alright I saw that and that has posted a question do you think a guy who's falling in love with me but then tells me in a text before calling is a sign of deception he says being on the phone at length is a form of manipulation I don't understand this question do you think a guy who's falling in love with me but then tells me to text before calling you know what okay so I actually like when people text ahead of time I just I just something well okay so first off when my son calls me out of the blue I go into panic mode I'm like oh fucking God is he in a car accident is he in jail is something wrong mainly because I'm just used to him texting me so when I get a phone call these days I'm almost used to pre just sending a text message as a precursor to create a conversation so it can turn into a phone call so I don't think that could be a sign of deception however if you've never been to his home if you've never been to his home it could be a sign of deception okay but if you've been to his home I highly doubt it but in that I love that question thank you so much for jumping in and sharing it by the way I want to give a net some props for the $5 super sticker and Margaret for the $15 super sticker so we are $30 away from our goal thanks for the love we really appreciate it Margaret and Annette Leslie wants to share with us oh my God the story about Golden Bachelor treating his live living girlfriend the way he allegedly did not so golden yeah that's why I thought I'd do this live topic today Deborah wants to go on to say super defensive when I discovered after 16 months together he had a honey on the side oh I'm so sorry to hear that this is why I'm a big proponent of relationships where you're spending two or three days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in your personal and professional life intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that leads either moving in together getting married but Jonathan I'm in a long distance relationship well this is by the way you could be in a 16 month and I don't know if that's the case 16 month long distance relationship and someone could have five honeys on the side so anyway Leafs jumps in folks I cannot I cannot do to dedicated focus wait folks I cannot do to dedicated focus two nights in a row and hit $50 will be $100 once Jonathan gets his 50 Leafs I love you I just want to give you props she is a member she is a member listen folks if you want to join the membership program and YouTube I give a separate shout out for those that are members we do some occasional member special members videos that sort of thing so I want to give some props and love to Leafs who's a member of the YouTube membership program you just hit that link right below the video to join the membership Judy's in the house is he more likely to be an outlook alcoholic to lie if he is yeah I think it was a lot of people probably don't even know they're an alcoholic they are they probably gaslight themselves so I think that that if they lie to themselves then they will probably hide their disease I think I don't know if alcoholism is a disease I've heard it is I'm not an expert in this field so I think people Judy lied to themselves about see think about an alcoholic is suffering on the inside someone who needs to consume a lot of alcohol to either get a buzz to feel good or to numb the pain you know I I recognize that we are here in the United States there is an epidemic of emotional emotional health issues I mean we have a significant epidemic this is why the pharmaceutical industry is a trillion dollar industry here in the United States I don't think it's a billion dollar I think it's a trillion dollar industry alcohol is alcohol and drugs are a trillion dollar industry because humans are suffering and so you know I have a lot of compassion for people I'm not necessarily you know honor their choices I'm not here to validate their choices but I certainly am empathetic to the pain someone might be feeling if they need alcohol or drugs to circumvent the pain that they're feeling that's just my two cents on that one G is in the house I inadvertently texted a friend about a guy I have been seeing but I inadvertently sent it to him it was about him going with another woman and how it feeds his ego well I wonder from a spiritual perspective why you might have done that so tell us more we want to hear what's by the way why don't you join the hot seat here's a link to join the hot seat why don't you join us live and let's talk about this one this might be a really good juicy one to talk about because I need I have a lot of questions on this one okay alright oh we're going to get into personal questions you guys are welcome to ask personal questions didn't you recently go to a singles event just wondering how it was yes I was invited to Julie Ferman's singles event she is a matchmaker called Cupid's coach someone write Cupid's coach in the box and this was a couple weeks ago there was about 25 men 25 women roughly about the equal balance was for people 50 and older I think it was like the age at the average age was 55 to 65 some 70 year olds were there and it turns out I was recognized by a few people I was even recognized by a woman that we interacted on a dating site that was kind of fun well for me personally there wasn't a love connection I gotta tell you there was a couple there I'm looking at the two of them and I'm like you two need to get a room they really hit it off I mean they were all over each other I think some people walked away with telephone numbers I certainly I certainly I actually got the number of two women this isn't probably romance romantic romantic but I feel like I made a couple new friends so yes I did go to that and it was a lot of fun so thanks for bringing that up hey Alice just gave us a $4 $5 super sticker so that's we're $25 away from our goal or $25 away from our goal so thanks for the love really appreciate Gary went to looking for a sugar mama I keep hearing that I don't need I don't know if that's the case hey I want to just give props to hold on a second hey we just had G joined the group thanks for the love she just just became a member of the YouTube group by the way there's a link below if you can join for as little as a couple bucks a month so thanks so much and Leafs just wants to remind us of Cupid's coach exactly and Alayna's in the house hey welcome I do recognize you folks okay so I just want you know I keep by the way come on G join the hot seat we need to talk about your story again okay let's keep going here Alice says the last man I dated I learned quickly that he had a problem with alcohol it didn't necessarily make him lie but he was definitely inconsistent couldn't work I get that a lot of people are in pain they use alcohol to numb their pain that's just sad um prior relationship Gina I don't know what your question is you're going to have to put it down but Arlene's in the house I was going out with a guy five or six times I felt something was off he said that no one has been to his apartment even his daughters why would he say that he missed the second income why would he say that he missed the second income yeah you know folks by the way rule now you know rule number 14 a roots rule number 14 a you must visit a man's home before you give your heart to somebody but Jonathan he has a lot of excuses why I can't go there he lives thousands of miles away and he always comes to me or he lives hundreds of miles away and he always comes to me you have to go to his home he's not real until you've been inside his home okay just like you're not real unless he's been inside your home rule number 14 a I just made up that rule Margaret wants to know how do I join your YouTube group it's right below the video there's a place that says membership you click that button Cecilia's in the house when I complain to friends about a guy they tend to gaslight me what's better than complaining to a friend about a particular guy see I'm not a big proponent of complaining complaining oftentimes comes with it victim consciousness I certainly do believe that you can share you can vent I mean there's nothing wrong with venting okay to get it out but with the vent you also have to have a resolution if it's just a vomit because you want to point the finger at someone just remember if you're not taking ownership on your part then it's complaining venting is getting it out and then taking ownership in your part of the equation that's absolutely okay in my book otherwise you're in victim consciousness in my book you can disagree with me but that's just my perception hmm alright G is in the house I love the bravery you know I'm gonna be tough on you I am not I'm gonna be loving so why don't you tell the story again to remind everybody what you shared did you hear me yeah it's kind of like okay I'll just talk I don't know if it seems like yeah okay tell us tell us the question again okay okay what I did was I was texting a friend about this guy I've been seeing yeah okay the question was okay I was texting a friend about a guy I was seeing and I inadvertently in the text yes okay so tell us what happened next okay did he respond yes we love juicy juicy stuff this is what I said this is what he does okay um let's hurry okay I'm looking forward it was really bad um so this was a text message you sent to a man by mistake telling him you thought you were sending it to your girlfriend you were telling him that he had ego issues blah blah blah and the text went to him so everyone that's watching she's looking for the text I deleted it from his thing thinking that he wouldn't see it but But then I told him, I told him, I told him, oh no, he won't have like two minutes to believe him. Okay, so what did he say? He came over my house within half hour after I sent him. He didn't explain anything. Okay, well wait, time out, jeez. So he came to your house, okay. He came to your house. What did he say to you at your house? He said that he left his house, and he went off and he drifted. Wait, say that again, because you're muffled. He came over my house and he said that he couldn't find his drill and he remembered he left it at my house. Okay, all right, so what happened next? By the way, can you just go from memory? By the way, just stop doing the looking for it. Go from memory here, okay? No, I know, but I'm talking, and then I just go from memory. All right, look in the camera. All right, he put some windows in my house and he was over one day and he was looking at his text. Okay, all right. All right, time out, time out. Once again, jeez, let's stick. This is like dragnet. Stick to the facts. What did he say when you talked to him? What did he say about the text to you, okay? By the way, ladies who are watching this, this is an example. I mean, just give me, I mean, you're on the hot seat. This is where men appreciate direct conversation. So be direct with me right now. What did he do or say about the text message? He didn't, I didn't know I sent it. I still feel thought I sent it to my friend and I hear my doorbell ringing and he never comes over, I'm now. So I answered the call and I'm like, you know, why is he here? And he said, oh, I forgot a tool. He needed his drill, which was a garage. So he went in the garage and then he's talked about some of the problems for God, his tool, and he got some stuff and he was giving me a hug and he said, well, I'll probably stop by when I'm done working. And I didn't really think anything of it. And then I thought about it, like, what if I'm getting a full four o'clock in the afternoon, if he had been there all day? But what if I don't use the drill? Well, let me ask you a different question. Time out. Where did the two of you stand right now? He came over the last night because this just happened a week ago. Okay, but where do you, the two of you stand right now? He doesn't wanna talk about it, I know he read it. Okay. All right, so let me ask you a question since you're on with the drill. Okay, so you get a chance to ask a dating and relationship coach question. I charge a lot of money for this. So do you have a question for me? Yeah, I didn't. Okay, I know he's cheating, he's a big slut. I know that, he's always been a big slut. But he doesn't know I know him. He doesn't know what? He doesn't, wait, wait. He doesn't know I know him, he's a big slut. So he's a slut, you said? Yeah, he's like 15 years old. Okay, so he sleeps with lots of women. Are you, and now is he currently? At least he did. I mean, I don't, at least he did. Well, Gigi says he should be the next golden bachelor. So. Well he's 15 years younger than I am. So that's kind of why I charge a lot of money. Okay, so, okay. By the way, I misread that. She said Gigi should be the next golden bachelor at. I apologize, I misread that. No, but I feel like going with old one is how I get on with Gigi, I think it's horrible. So let me ask you a question. Do you like this guy? Yeah, I like him a lot. Does he like you? I think he does now. Are you guys in a fully committed relationship? Are you two in a fully committed? He's in a lot of relationship, there's no commitment. How, does the penis get to go inside the vagina on a regular basis? No, he's been over like once a week for the last year. So you guys are having regular sex. So you two are what's known in what's known as a situation ship. A situation ship means, or really what you are is friends with benefits. That's the category we would put the two of you in. So let me ask you, is that what you desire in your life as a friends with benefits or do you want something more? I'd like more, but I know it's not feasible or possible to be in someone. Okay, okay. I don't want to be committed. Okay, well here's the thing. Most of my audience here, and by the way, I'm gonna use you as an example right now. Most everybody here is seeking a significant relationship. Now in many cases, I think some people, well, hear me out. Some people have resigned themselves to go, I won't be able to get a significant relationship. So I'm okay with a friends with benefits type of dynamic, particularly with a younger man, because it's could be less drama with a younger man or it might be more drama with a younger man. Who knows? You have to do what's right for you. If this is right for you, then that's okay. You know, the fact that you inadvertently sent this text message and he avoided dealing with it, he might have felt embarrassed reading what you wrote and he rather not discuss it because it's a rather embarrassing thing to have somebody you like judge you in that way. And it's not fun to feel judged. So he's most likely stuffing or avoiding his feelings in this place of being judged. Pardon me? I wish I could find some text I sent him. By the way, power G says this sounds like high school drama. I know, it's weird, that's what my friend said, but I didn't insult him. All right, well, listen, G, thank you for being on. I want to open this up. I want to open this up. My question was, I didn't, I know that he never knew that I knew that he was a big threat. I got that, so what's your question? Well, now he, I don't want him to feel with him. I don't want him to think. So I want you to one more time. I'm going to keep asking you, what's your question? What should I say when she wants to point out, well, I'm going to see how the question is built. That's all I'm saying, old guys. So he doesn't think I'm like, will hook for me? Because I don't want him to- All right, well, the thing is, the two of you should have a grown-up conversation about the status of your relationship. That's advice number one, have a grown-up conversation about what the status of our relationship is. If your status is a situation ship or friends with benefits, then you have every right to say, or to just let him know that you're going to be out looking for something more serious. This is the grown-up way of having conversations, not the high school way of having conversations. Okay? Well, listen, I want to open up the floor for anyone else that wants to join us. Tee, I'm giving you- Thank you, it was fun. I like it. Oh, you're very welcome. Giving you a lot of love, giving you a big, gigantic Jot and Bear hug. Okay? Thank you. Hi. Thanks. Folks, all right, listen, ladies, I'm talking to all of you right now, okay? When you're speaking to a man and he says, ask me a question. We don't want to know the backstory, okay? We men want, it's like that TV show, Dragonet. Just the facts, ma'am. Women have a propensity of sharing the story. And as if some people say, there might be a lot of drama in the story. And I'm not throwing G under the bus per se. I'm just using her as an example. By the way, G, I'm giving you a lot of love right now. I think it takes a lot of courage to get up and share. I also think in this particular case with him, you might find yourself in a dynamic, like I said, it's just friends with benefits. So if that's all that is, then have a grown-up conversation. And that's the second piece. Ladies, many of you are silent. Grown-up conversations mean you talk like grown-ups. Hey, I noticed that we don't, in this particular dynamic, we don't really have defined our relationship. Let's have, can we have a conversation about the status of our relationship so I can have some clarity? That is a grown-up way of doing things, okay? So that's my suggestion for you all. And just like Leaf said, just the facts like going to court, exactly. All right, let's see what else we have here. And by the way, I'm joking with you guys because when you get onto my hot seat, I'm gonna give you shit because ladies, you do have a propensity to just ramble on. It's so much better. Now, I guess I could be confused in my videos of rambling on, but there's a mission to my madness of what I do because this is my curated forum. It's not a conversation per se. When you're having a conversation with a human being, it's very important to be clear in your communication because context and clarity makes it easier for the person to understand where you're going. Now, this is challenging because feelings can be like a rollercoaster. I get that, but at the end of the day, what matters most are the details and not the story that goes with it, okay? And yes, Leafs, I notice you did a typo there. Oh, Laura says, I like your shirt. Thank you. By the way, the color on the camera doesn't look the same, okay? This is burgundy, but it looks like red more in the camera. So, all right, let's see what kind of other... By the way, if you have a question or you wanna join the hot seat, we're only gonna be on for a few more minutes, folks. I'm scrolling. By the way, if you have a question, write the word question and post the question thereafter makes it easier for me to find, okay? All right, here we go. Gina's in the house. After continually being lied to in a previous relationship, how are we supposed to trust a new person is telling the truth. Have we become too hypersensitive? This is a great question. So why should someone new pay the price for someone old? Why? Why do we do that? Well, it could be our filter. And certainly we have to examine what was our role in that relationship where we accepted lies. You know, if we habitually accepted lies then we have to take ownership in our part, okay? The best thing in these particular cases for me is forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiving love. When we forgive another person for their foibles and we let go and release them, not to absolve them of their bad doing, if you will, but we release them, then we're capable of leaning into a new relationship. But if you're holding resentment, if you're holding anger, if you're holding guilt, then the next person is gonna pay the price and they don't deserve that. Ladies, I've been on first dates where I'm sitting across from a woman on a first date and I can see the dozen men that have hurt that person in the way they communicate with me. See, I can see, I mean, it's clear as day, I can see these men. You don't realize that that subconscious pain, if you don't let go of that pain and release that pain and you might need to do what's called somatic therapy, I'm inviting Jeff Brown onto the channel to interview him. He wrote a great book called Grounded Spirituality. I'm actually interviewing him tomorrow. It'll be released sometime within a week, but he definitely talks about somatic therapy. In other words, getting that negative energy out of your body. And that's an invitation I have for all of you, okay? Judy's in the house. Is it too proud to text after I gave no contact? Told him he could text at the end of the month. What shouldn't I do? You know, when we act like children, we're gonna have to deal with grown-up consequences. And I'm saying, because I think when you say too proud, I'm assuming you played, you were manipulative. I'm just assuming here by not, you know, contacting them. I don't know, I'm just speculating because it's hard to tell where you're going with this, Judy. You know, I'm here to say grown-up conversations lead to grown-up results, okay? When we have grown-up conversations, when we speak from our heart, when we speak our truth, speak from our heart, we have better results. And that's my invitation for you, okay? Alice wants to let everyone know we have to be direct because most men aren't too swift about reading between the lines. You know what? Well, I don't like the term swift, but you know what? We don't know what's your lines, okay? We just don't know, you know, being direct. Okay, I want you to think about this, Alice. You're in a business meeting with your boss. Are you expected your boss to read between the lines? Or are you going to be direct, whether it's a male or female? Think about it that way. I want you to think about your talking to the ambassador of a country. You know, be diplomatic, be direct. Think of your boss. Think if you had the chance to speak to the president of the United States, possibly, or someone else. Be direct. This is grown-up way of doing things, okay? All right. Joe Hicka says, I like how Jonathan loses patience with some women. You know, it's frustrating. Okay, you know, I'm not the most compassionate person on the planet. I do think I have capacity to be empathetic and compassionate, but I also think, you know, there's hundreds and if not thousands of people watching this video. And I'm mindful of every, my patience is because I don't want everyone else to have to muddle through the water with someone. I appreciate people who speak directly. And so this is true in relationship too. It's not fun. By the way, remember I said lies? Okay, one of the first thing, people who are too vague. You know, that's not that it's lying, but it's also fucking frustrating to have a real grown-up conversation with human beings who are so muddled in quagmire. It's like trying to read while you're, like while it's covered in spaghetti. Okay, so yes, I lose my patience. But I hope you see between the, I hope you can read between my lines. All right, let's keep. Oh, personal question. How was your dinner last night with Matt and Joy? Great question. Well, I'll show you. Here's the four of the three of us. Oh, hold on a second. So last night I got a chance to have dinner with Matt Khan and his lovely bride, Joy Kingsborough, who's a dear friend of mine. She was actually my coach for a while. Matt and Joy met earlier this year. They fell deeply in love with each other. They got engaged. They're actually scheduled to be married in two years. And you know, I really appreciate that. Oh, and they're gonna start a new podcast called Divine Partnership. And I will be interviewing them for my channel in a few weeks. So beyond the lookout for Divine Partnership. And I look forward to talking about them in an upcoming podcast as well. Laura just, if you have any more personal questions, feel free to ask them. Laura says, no contact is a legal term. I wouldn't use it in the context of relationship. I want to keep. Well, I don't know. I don't know how that's a legal term. I mean, I'm sure it's used in legal terms, but I see that as, you know, something that happens frequently in interpersonal relationships. That's just my perception anyway. And Divine Partnership, okay? Divine Partnership. I'm just gonna put this up on the screen, okay? Divine Partnership with Matt Kahn and Joy Kingsborough. Yes, indeed. Sherry wants to thank you for great content. I appreciate that. Donna says, nice, I appreciate that. Jonathan, just wanna say you have a great laugh. Thank you. You know, I will say this. I appreciate the love that you all generate towards me. I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate. I actually do my best to read all first comments on a new video, you know, the early comments. Partially because I look for content in there and I also appreciate that I'm on the right track. You know, and sometimes you guys call me out on my shit too. I appreciate that as well. Sometimes I'm, you know, I'm myopic. You know, I'm a human being. I'm riddled with flaws. You know, you know, to the extent, I don't call myself an expert. I'm just merely a guide. My job is to learn something and pass it on. Learn something and pass it on. Learn something and pass it on. I'm just a guide. I'm just a few steps ahead of some of you and behind some of you as well. And so, you know, particularly, you know, I'm fresh, I'm gonna share something personal because I'm wrestling with something. If I'm such a good dating and relationship coach, then how could I have chosen a relationship that didn't work out? And I recognize that while, you know, I went in, could I have gone in, maybe a little naive, maybe a little bit, but you know what, I was excited. I was enthusiastic. We both had a lot going, you know, going for us. And to the extent that this was probably the healthiest relationship I've ever had in my life. So I feel like I'm on the right track. I feel as though that Marie is a really good person and it wasn't gonna go the distance, but I got so much out of the relationship. I got so much personally. And I learned really clear on what my must haves are right now. I'm very crystal clear on my must haves. I thought I was clear before, but now going through this experience, I have a propensity to compromise my needs and desires at times. Because, you know, I also believe that, you know, there's no such thing as the perfect relationship. And I suspect Marie also had to forego some of her needs and desires. So we weren't perfectly aligned. We got close. We got closer and closer in the beginning and it just started to move apart. But that's okay too, because you know what? We needed to learn what we need to learn. It was, you know, I think it takes about a year to really get to know a person, to see if they're a fit. We were together for 14 months before, wait, May, June. June, July. So roughly 14 and a half months. It's right at the perfect time, you know? Some people spend years with the wrong person. Remember yesterday, that woman who was with a man for five years that's been breadcrumming her? That's a no-no. You know, but coming back to my personal experience, you know, I'm so grateful. Marie is a really wonderful person. I'd like to think I'm a wonderful person too. We just weren't meant to go the distance. And that's okay too. And like Sharon says, you're human. Yeah, I think so. Leif says, Marie may have been your transition person to learn. You know, I think to the extent the word transition, I really do believe we both gained so much about what we needed to learn for ourselves in this experience. So I certainly, I don't like the word transition. I understand the context you mean it in. So I'm gonna be okay with it. But at the end of the day, it was just a blessing. You know, we both, I'd like to think we both grew. So, and just like Donna says, growth, Jonathan, to both of you, yes. And Rose says, what Rose says, yes, Jonathan, I know how you feel. Yes, it gets more crystal clear. Yeah, like I feel like, and by the way, now that I'm, by the way, okay, I know I did a video scrap the dating apps and now I'm back on the dating apps. Dating apps are just a spoke in the wheel. My point about scrapping the dating apps is don't let it become an obsession. So for me, it's no longer an obsession. I paid extra to see who swiped on me. And you know, there's been a couple of interesting people, but you know, believe it or not, I got ghosted the other day. Now, this isn't true ghosting, but I was communicating with someone. We probably had six or seven exchanges with one another. And then a week ago, gone. I mean, literally, haven't heard from her. So guess what? You ladies do it to us guys too. Maybe she met someone else. Maybe her car is in a ditch and she's recovering from a terrible accident. Maybe I said something that turned her off. I spoke sincere and from my heart. So guess what? She wasn't the right person, but guess what? It happens to all of us. I know you, many of you, I appreciate you put me on a pedestal, but to the stranger, I'm another guy. And guess what? Just like that woman who says, how can I trust someone brand new when I've been hurt so often? You know, a lot of you women are swimming in pain out there. You know, and so, you know, we, you know, just like men harbor resentment towards women, women harbor resentment towards men. And that just happens to be a byproduct of our current dating environment. Donna wants to say a painful spoke in the wheel takes a lot of time, not great when you live in a small town. I get it. I get it. You know, folks, I once said, create a life so awesome, you become the reality show people want to follow. When it comes to your love life, the most important person you're ever going to love, look at, this is a black mirror. Look at, oh, this is a black mirror. It's a black mirror, okay? Look in the mirror and build that relationship with yourself because that is the relationship you're going to carry with you till the day you die. Okay? Alice says ghosting is just plain rude. Be a grownup. You know what? She didn't ghost me. She just lost interest because ghosting happens when you're dating someone and you disappear. This is just a person who lost interest. That's all it is from my perspective. Leafs wants to go on. Marie was and is lovely. And you two took a big leap. The relationship was a blessing. You know, I know we jumped in, you know, do I think we jumped in too quickly? If we were going to make it work, we had like, we liked each other. We thought we had potential. If we're going to make it work, we dove in, we tried it. You know, we had a very amicable split. So there was nothing wrong. It just wasn't the right fit. You know, so I think people, like this woman yesterday that was on Sarah, five years with a guy, four and a half years, excuse me. And he breadcrumbs her. Like, I'm like, fuck that shit folks. We better to dive in and see if it works than to drag it out for years. That's just my opinion anyway. All right. Is there a GG? Okay. Hey folks, believe it or not, my back is killing me and I've been sitting down. I've shot, I did, I was a guest. I was a guest on a video earlier tonight and now this and my back is killing me. I played golf last week with some friends and I threw up my back. So I'm in pain, but I had to do this video because, you know, like this is just for those that are used to me being on a regular, I did show up, but I did throw up my back and I'm in pain. So I'm going to wrap up in a moment. You know, I just want you to all know something. I am grateful from the bottom of my heart, especially all of you that are on right now, you know. I appreciate the support. This is why I appreciate that you like my video. You share my video. You join my group membership group. You join my midlife love mastery group. If you want more support, you can schedule a discovery call with me. You can find me on Instagram. You can get my dating now, Vows, you know? Patricia says, I need a good massage. Thank you, yes. Oh, really quickly, Donna, my live stream schedule is usually as follows, okay? I did a slight adjustment for the Golden Bachelor, but it's usually Monday, Tuesday, Thursday nights. I begin live at 4.50 p.m. Pacific Coast time. And then usually Saturday mornings, I do a live stream. Those are my lives. And so that's what I typically do during the week. So, and then I have my Sunday videos. Hey, we got someone. Oh, well, someone joined and someone logged off at the same time. Alice says, soak in Epsom salts. Yes, I've done that. I think it's time to have a cocktail and loosen up a bit. Folks, I'm gonna go ahead and wrap up. I am grateful beyond words for all your love and support. Please share, if you feel like this, if you feel like my content makes a difference, share this with your friends. Oh, Rebecca says, where can we see the interview? I'll be posting the interview with Matt or Jeff Brown, probably next week sometime. I'm really looking forward to interviewing Jeff Brown. In fact, oh wait, Jeff Brown, wait a minute. He wrote the book also Uncommon Bond. And he personally mailed this to me. So I've even got a little note from Jeff Brown as well. So I'm excited about that. All right, enough bragging for now. Folks, I'm going to get going tonight. I'm gonna go jump in the tub and relax and soak. So from the bottom of my heart, big, gigantic. Okay, folks, if you have something to share, please post a comment below. I do my best to read them all. As always, if you like this content, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit the notification bell as well. Hit that notification. I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. By the way, Leaves wants to remind me, Sunday we're recording I miss the balcony views. You know what? I don't have the overhang for the sun isn't, I just don't have the right lighting to do that. I think I did a Sunday video the other day and that was impromptu and that was a lot of fun. Okay, Francesca says, go to bed with a heating pad. Exactly. I wanna give funds and Rebecca and Casey, lock girl and Donna and Laura and Leaves and Margaret and Carrie and Judy and Miss Daisy, Elaine and Gina and G, oh, G, thanks for being on the hot seat. We give you a lot of love. Thanks for joining the membership as well. Big hugs to Queen and Debra and Fonz and Jamison and everyone else, Alice, big hugs to you all. Have a fab evening, be well, bye now.