 As somebody who's been clean and sober from alcohol and drugs for a little over seven and a half years now, one of my main concerns with this whole social distancing, self-isolation thing is people who are trying to stay sober because this is completely rocking their world. And just recently Taylor Nicole Dean came under fire for making a decision and I wanted to talk about addiction and recovery during this quarantine period. What's up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. And if you're new to my channel, my channel is all about mental health, addiction, recovery, and if you're someone like me who is actively trying to improve your mental and emotional well-being, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. Alright, so last night as I was lying in bed checking, you know, my Twitter and Instagram before I went to sleep, I saw Taylor Nicole Dean's Instagram story pop up and she's been getting a lot of backlash for a decision that she made about breaking the, you know, the quarantine stuff. And I wanted to discuss it specifically when it comes to addiction and recovery and I guess mental health is a whole. Alright, so to give you a little backstory for those of you who aren't caught up, Taylor Nicole Dean is in recovery from her heroin addiction. In the last year, year and a half or so, Taylor Nicole Dean actually went to rehab twice when she was still dating that dude Johnny from that band Slaves. They went to rehab together. Then she ended up breaking up with him going back to rehab and that was a great decision. And she stayed sober for quite some time. Her and I had a little, a little thing happen, but her and I actually talked through email, squashed that beef. We're totally cool. And yeah, she was doing great staying sober. And earlier this year, she actually, you know, opened up and said that, you know, she relapsed. She ran out of her suboxone because of something going on with her intensive outpatient program and she relapsed. But since then, as far as we know, and what she said, she's been clean and sober. So yesterday she took the Instagram to her stories and she discussed some backlash that she's been getting. So bear with me. This is really long, but I'm going to go ahead and read it just so you get the full context of what she said. This is going to be long, but it's because I feel so badly. If you don't listen to my video clips, here's a text version of what happened. Last night I visited a friend's house. I haven't left my house once during this quarantine and have been very open on Twitter about me struggling with my addiction right now. I discovered some recommendations that you can safely quarantine with a single friend and that as long as neither of you go anywhere, meaning remaining at a single house and not going out anywhere, and make every effort to be as sanitary as possible at the chosen house with one single person that is safe to do. The information was clear that you can't just pick a different friend every day or even pick more than one friend at all because clearly, if you stay safe with multiple people that's going around and being with multiple people. I brought a mask that I wore in my friend's car and stayed at their house for a few hours as I talked myself out of relapse. I understand entirely that I should have just waited until the morning and gone to an online meeting. Now that I'm more clear headed, I understand that I should have just dealt with it alone. I understand I can do better and I will. With that being said, I do not have any respect for the messages that are saying that this decision makes it clear that I'm on heroin, that I clearly don't care if my brother dies if I bring home the virus, and that disgusting foregoing out all night and partying with no regard for those around me. I have not gone to any party. Even on my birthday, I didn't leave my home. I barely left my room at all in two weeks. I had bad judgment last night and left to see a friend due to an overwhelming anxiety coupled with ignorance that I can safely see them. I do believe I was as safe as possible because the only friend I saw hasn't left his house since quarantine has begun either. Not even to see a single family member or anything. I understand now that even seeing one person under all those circumstances isn't worth it and I won't be leaving my house in any fashion unless for an emergency, aka God forbid, the need to visit a hospital. My mistake of going out to see a friend stemmed from me panicking and wanting to be in the presence of someone who could help calm me down because I did not feel safe in the moment. I understand there were better choices I should have made if I felt that way. I was scared to confront my family with the fact that I felt the way I did and chose to go to a friend instead. I shouldn't have made it an in-person thing. I know there's a scary time right now but I am not one of those people who are not having any care for anyone else's well-being. I was under the impression that seeing a single person in any isolated house who had not been anywhere public while also taking every precaution to remain sanitary would pose no risk to anyone. I didn't see how it was any different than the trips to the grocery store. My mom has to make several times a week but now we're actually seeing that my mom is doing it to get food for us while my venture wasn't a necessity. I was only thinking about my anxiety and my overwhelming desire to use in the moment. If you can take a step back I'm sure you will see that we all make imperfect decisions when struggling not to relapse. My explanation doesn't make it any less my decision and any less of something that I need to say I'm sorry for though and I do and I understand that. My actions made due to my mental struggles are still my actions that I'm responsible for. So I am saying I now recognize that it wasn't safe and will make sure to be as cautious as possible going forward by not leaving my house for any reason. But due to my lack of ignorance I am going to go and donate online any of the money I made this last week on YouTube to the Thing Solidarity Response Fund. I'm sorry again. All right thanks for allowing me to read that. Okay so check it out listen like we are all in a very scary time like it's it's scary. I'm you know the person who is designated to go to the grocery store and everything like that and every time I go my anxiety flares up and I am just hyper alert and I'm just like stay six feet back stay six feet back I don't like screaming people but I'm just constantly looking around I hold my breath when I'm about to walk past people like I get it it is a very scary time all right but like right now I I know so many people in recovery who are legit struggling and I don't think if you've if you've never struggled with an addiction especially in early recovery you don't know what those cravings are like like you don't know the obsession you don't understand how your mind cannot get off of this and like from what it seems like Taylor has been doing a great job self-quarantining and everything like that but you guys I'm just going to be totally honest with my opinion here and this is something I've noticed for a long time it is very easy to be online and take a moral high ground because for the majority of people who are commenting nobody is monitoring their every move and decision okay like a lot of people are doing things that they shouldn't be doing right now a lot of people are going out and being like absolutely ridiculous but we all know for a fact like if we're just going to be honest that there are people doing far worse who are doing worse like what you know is is completely irresponsible compared to what Taylor and Nicole Dean did while trying to go and prevent a relapse by talking to a friend and absolutely absolutely there were better decisions you can call you can face time or whatever but I can understand that mental state and not thinking about it because something a lot of people don't realize like a craving isn't just something that comes out of nowhere cravings are based on sights smells thoughts emotions everything right anything can trigger it and sometimes when you're having those intense cravings you just got to go like maybe it's your room right maybe it's your family maybe it's something where you're like I got to get out of here like in my early recovery there were so many times well I just had to like leave the house and go to a meeting and people in recovery right now do not they don't have that option like meetings are shutting down and stuff so check it out if you're watching this in your own recovery and you know somebody's who's in recovery they do do online meetings one of the best websites they have an app to is in the rooms.com I know a lot of treatment centers I still have a lot of friends who work in treatment and everything like that they are moving like their groups and everything like that to online and doing zoom therapists are moving to you know using they're calling it telemental health and calling and talking and everything like that but we need to unlike I do think that Taylor and Cole Dean gets a pass on this one especially because it's not like she went to like you know this party where she was you know hanging out with a bunch of people she went to one person's house okay and right now there are people who are visiting friends and family members and they're limiting their social interactions well I don't agree that it's the smartest decision like it is you know doing their best not to be in these big social spaces you know what I mean but now I'm going to jump into just a little bit of my opinion and if Taylor Nicole Dean ever sees this like this is just strictly my opinion to help keep your sanity if you are a public figure and like again this is my opinion I can't I can't stress that enough Taylor Nicole Dean she just from what I've seen she really puts everything out there she posts a lot of pictures she tweets a lot and she's very open and transparent with her audience which can be seen as a good thing right but I've seen since everything is public public it gives people more ammunition to come after her and like if I was in her situation especially if my following was that big like there's so many things that don't need to be posted like there's so many like when I saw this when I saw her message I was sitting there and thinking like how did anybody know that you went to your friend's house like why did anybody know that you know what I mean um there have been plenty of other youtubers who have done this as well and it's just giving people ammunition like I think Trisha Paytas is a good example like you know H3 podcast I don't know if you heard about that whole thing like Trisha Paytas is like apparently hooking up with Ethan's brother-in-law who's Ela's brother or whatever and she's like quarantine date quarantine date like those two people aren't living together so they're still hanging out and we know a bunch of other people are doing this but as a public figure it's like why even post that why even let people freak out about that like recently Edwin of Edwin's generation he did a livestream with Trisha Paytas his ex-girlfriend and Edwin got a lot of crap because he wasn't social distancing he had her come over and they did a livestream together I feel like social distancing is misunderstood largely misunderstood at least and maybe I'm misunderstanding but social distancing doesn't mean you can't be around human beings at all it doesn't mean you should like not talk to anybody ever I mean when you go to do you guys not go to the grocery store you're not interact with people you know it's like you know if you don't show symptoms okay it's I don't know I like I'm not an expert so like I'm not trying to like I feel like even addressing is almost setting myself up for big year but again like they could have done it virtually I've done a few interviews for my podcast and you could do it virtually like you don't have to be in the same space but again like as an influencer I would start asking myself like why do I feel this need to post literally everything online and you see that with a lot of people you see that with people on your Facebook feed just your friends and family members like they stream every single thought and every single action they do you know not everything needs to be out there but lastly and this is something that I used to be terrible at and I'm trying to be better at and I haven't had you know a ton of people come after me lately thank god if there was any wood around here I'd knock on it but like Taylor also feels this need to reply right and give a statement on everything and it's just like something I've learned through my experience is like not everything needs a response you know there are going to be people who are just going to disagree with you or try to moral grandstand on you like a great example recently is iDubbbz he didn't need to respond to that and a lot of people think it made his situation worse but anyways like just please try to have a little empathy for someone who is fighting for their life not to turn back to a deadly drug like you gotta understand people who are in recovery from addiction they're waking up every day every day they are in a fight for their life and I am very fortunate that I've made it this far sober like I'm in a place in my recovery where I don't need to go to a meeting every single day like I'm not constantly craving or freaking out or anything like that it is just kind of like maintenance of my recovery I talk to my support group I go to meetings when I can and everything like that but I remember my first year sober so when I see somebody like Taylor Nicole Dean making that decision during an anxiety attack and going to a friend to try to calm her down and talk herself off to out of relapse like I try to empathize with that I try to put myself in her shoes like I could see myself doing the exact same thing early in recovery right and you got to remember like being in person with people it is much different and there's more of a social connection than you know even calling or being on FaceTime even though like I highly recommend it and that's what I've been doing I use you know better help online therapy I talked to my therapist from a distance and everything like that but you know when we're in a poor mental state we make you know not always the smartest decisions but again like she wasn't going out into like a crowded like farmers market like there are far worse you know irresponsible things going on and I'm not a doctor but right now it is limiting your social interactions in person social interactions as much as possible okay it's decreasing the risk of being exposed or exposing others and I think once in the last two or three weeks going to visit one friend like that is a that I think you get a pass on that one especially when you're trying to protect your sobriety anyways you can share your thoughts on this if you have any ideas what people can do whether they're struggling with addiction or their mental health in general go ahead and leave a comment down below all right but anyways that's all I got for this video if you like this video please give it a thumbs up if you're new make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell and a huge thank you to everybody who supports the channel over on patreon as well as everybody who supports the channel by buying my mental health books at the rewiredsole.com and everybody who gets merged from the merch store all right thanks again for watching I'll see you next time