 Hey, here we are on the under 21 convention 2016 Orlando Q&A. So we got all the speakers who remained, who could stay in town. And then we still got all the audience here. And they're going to ask us questions. And good stuff's going to happen. So let's get started. This is a general question for all these speakers. I was wondering, what is your favorite part about being and speaking at the 21 convention? And how is it different than other events that you've participated in? Yeah, I'm going to confess. I think Ted said it actually the best. The speeches are actually an excuse to bring all you guys together. I know I enabled that last night. And actually it was probably one of the best events we had. I know that I spoke about being an architect and creating shells. My house literally is that I was just commenting recently that it's a monument to drywall or gypsum board. And I had the intention of making the house kind of a gallery for space and a sacred space. But the house doesn't come alive until it's filled with people. And last night it roared. And that without a shadow of a doubt was my most famous, my favorite experience of the entire event. Usually it's in the hallways or sitting down and having a meal with somebody really quick, discussing ideas. But last night it was seeing my house come alive with the attendees and the speakers absolutely engaging each other for extended periods of time. Yeah, we were talking about it just next door that what really sets this event apart from others is that the collection of people and the speakers to the audience. It's just top quality. Getting to hang out with some people that don't get to meet and see very much or spend more time with others that I do is always fun. Always great discussions going on and insightful talks to be had. We're all excited about the same sort of stuff. And then you guys bring the best questions, the best presence, the best ideas yourself. It's just an awesome collection. And I'm always excited to be a part of it. This is my second one, first one in the US. And getting to meet up with old friends and then making new friends, the community is the best part really. And then the other part was the diversity of the topics covered. It was really cool. Partying with David Tien, which was pretty awesome. And those of you who are there. Hey, this is we've always tried to talk about this at the 21 convention. How important it is to experience the convention and advertise that. It just doesn't make sense. But I watched the speeches on YouTube. How is it different? You guys all get that. This and for years, that's it. And let me just tell you, I said this the first day. And I try to say this at the beginning of all of the conventions is that this is the only one where there'll be like 10% to 15% of you guys that will go on to do something really, really big. Like insane. And it just doesn't happen. Actually, that's lows, probably a higher percentage. But there's always a click of guys that just, they do it. They take something that I said, and they go beyond. Or whoever else. So that's what happens here. It's really cool. I'm probably a little biased on this question, so I'm just going to skip it. I was still trying to think of my answer. Well, let me tell you about my own event. So echoing everything that everyone else said, except you, I don't like people in my house. I would never leave people in my house unattended. And you're like, I'm going to go to bed. You guys can still hang out and stuff afterwards. I would never let that happen. I got too many weapons and stuff. Anise comes and visits. I have to spend a whole day hiding stuff. Anyways, what really is, it sounds funny, but I joke about it a lot. But it's true, not a lot of things in this world bring me joy. So coming here and speaking and getting to meet other cool guys, there's lots of different paths to the top of the mountain. There's lots of different paths to enlightenment, like other guys that have some cool shit that they figured out. And it's interesting because we all have our story. We all went through so much shit and came out on top and just meeting other people like that's pretty awesome. But really the coolest thing, the part that really brings me joy, is hearing from you guys like a month from now, six months from now, one of the guys on my forum like bought a flashlight, which is like, he sent me a Facebook message one day going, hey, bravo. I bought that flashlight he talked about. And my girlfriend and I were almost mugged, and I ended up using it to keep her and myself safe. Like, that's the shit that just makes my day. And I'll screenshot that stuff and put it up on my Facebook page, and I'm like, this is what, this is why I do what I do, and this is why I deal with so much bullshit, especially in the PUA world. Like, I still get to go out there and help guys, which is really, I think, my purpose on life was going through all the shit and everything I did. It's like being able to help other people out and share the stuff I'm passionate about. Like, this doesn't even work to me. This is just fun. And somehow I get paid to do it, like, it's awesome. So for me, I would say the biggest thing that I enjoy about this and have enjoyed about this because this is the first go-around for me with this convention is the pressure that you guys put on me. I know when I was preparing to come and I was thinking about what I was doing when I was your age, and self-improvement was nowhere near a top priority for me, not even close. And so the fact that you guys are already so far ahead of the curve puts a lot of pressure on me. And then the conversations that we've had in the halls or last night, or just kind of back and forth, the level of questions that you guys ask, the sincerity with which you asked them, and your willingness to actually engage with me on the answers is so indicative of the fact that you guys take this stuff seriously as opposed to it just being kind of a passing hobby or something that you're kind of, yeah, I may be interested in, but I'm not willing, really willing to sacrifice for. I go to other conventions where guys put skin in the game financially, but I can tell that mentally and emotionally you guys are putting skin in the game too. And that makes me want to step up my game. And so I appreciate the pressure you guys have put on me. It's my first time speaking at the convention as well. So I didn't know what to expect, but I gotta say I really enjoyed the diverse topics, the speakers. Not everybody has the same beliefs, but everybody's open to ideas and that openness and that coolness about it and just being willing to hear people and see what works for you and see, you know, and discard what doesn't. And also, like everybody else mentioned, how cool you guys are. Because for me, this is not about getting up and self-aggrandizement or anything like that. If what I said doesn't make a difference in your life, then I failed, regardless of how cool I looked on stage. And hearing you come up and talk to me afterward and the questions you ask me afterward, just really, I get goosebumps. So thank you for allowing me to do my thing. Thanks. You know, when I look across the room, I look at the other speakers, I realize that we're all on the same journey. We're just at different parts of the journey. Some of you guys are ahead. Some of you guys are at places that I've been to. And some of you guys are starting out. And so the journey is pretty linear. We're all heading towards the same point. We're just going at about it in different paths and different ways. And sometimes when we listen to one another and listening, I think is the key secret here, we find little shortcuts along the way. We find other roads we can take. You know, we all have a perspective of how we look at life and to share the stage with these gentlemen and to share the stage review and watching at home. All of you are looking from your own perspective. So to really drink that in and find out what your perspective is, that's really incredible because perspective changes perception. And the more perspectives you can get, the more perspectives you can experience. Whether you're talking to the speakers or the other attendees, that's what really gets you thinking and gets you asking really good questions. And I think when you start with really good questions, they lead you to very exciting places and different routes to get to that goal. So that's my thoughts. This question goes to Anthony. What's the best question you have ever been asked at the convention? Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Good question. Yours. I don't even know this. I mean, I've done the event so long it's been 10 years now of running the company in nine years of events. I've gotten a lot of questions over the years. So off the top of my head, I never start, dude. This is the 12th event. We've had a hundred speakers now all over the world. And yeah, the best question, maybe yours. So I'm half serious saying that. Beyond that, maybe a purpose-driven questions. Why do you run the company? Why do you start it? It's a simple question a lot of people ask but it's important to ask. And it's always a little bit different I think that each person asks it. It's always worded a little bit differently and they come from a different place. So I hope that answers your question. Let's see if you can drive it any more specific. That's it. That's it. Okay, cool. I haven't chipped in my mouth. Hold on. I wasn't expecting to be done that quick. That's disgusting. I really, I don't bother. Well, let's talk about that. No, it was not. It was not. Yeah, it's good. It's good. We're keeping it real. Okay, so my question, it's more for like Socrates but I'd really like to hear from two or three people on the subject. How do you, feminism, it's kind of when you hear about it and you don't really know much about it. It's kind of easy to be like, oh, like these evil women. And you know, it's like now I'm like, it's the enemy type of thing. And I don't know. I think that's like a toxic way to view it. So I mean, how is it healthy to know about it and navigate it from like a healthy way and not come and end up like hating women after kind of like learning about this stuff? To be fair, I don't hate feminism and I don't hate feminists. And I know I gave some very specific examples of some really toxic individuals that I fear. I fear some of the results and consequences. I gave some very, very clear examples of those sort of things. It's not that I'm trying to resist feminism. I'm trying to find better answers. I'm trying to find and evoke better questions. But what happens is if we present results or if we present ideas without measuring those ideas, we can't create a better world. And right now, we're not objectively looking at the quality of the questions. We're not looking at the quality of those results. And in many instances, we're not allowed to look at those things. And so I'm using feminism as an example and a very good one of what we're failing to do. I tried in my talk and I'm hoping that it probably didn't come out nearly as well as it probably should have, is that we have some very, very fundamental questions about our existence as species that have been around for 15, 20,000 years that collectively as a society, we haven't objectively answered appropriately. Whether it's the Neanderthal woman that I showed initially and showing the same women for first wave of feminism, the issues are real and we try to, as a society and a people and a culture, to answer those. My issue is that I don't think we're doing a good enough job answering that. One of the things that I left out that I would love to see is the rise of fourth wave feminism that does a better answer of drawing men and women together to collectively answer those human needs, not only in a natural selection base, but also in a social selection base. And so I'm really waiting for a champion to emerge out of that idea, out of those sort of questions, and to affect lives of women, children, and men together. And part of that is to look towards what's succeeding and what's failing, and to draw better conclusions from them. And then in comparison, ask better questions. How can we resolve this better? It's not feminism in and of itself. I'm not anti-women. I'm not anti-feminist. But I am against the conclusions being drawn and being put forward by some of these people and by these organizations. And many of them stand as phenomenal examples of what not to do. I have to do that same thing with my own life. And I think in some of the discussions I've had with some of the speakers, I know some of the quick questions I'll personally have with some of them as well about what am I not doing right in my own life. I think physically I represent failures in my own life. You can physically look like, you know, say, I'm not a healthy individual. What am I doing wrong? What are the things I need to ask? What are the questions I need to ask, you know? And I think to hit on that, a great one that I know next week I'm going in for a sleep set because I don't think I'm getting quality sleep, whether it's sleep apnea or any of these other things. I know I destroyed myself physically trying different weight loss programs. I know, you know, working out, I've done phenomenal things on that and not had the success. But I still have to keep asking the questions if I'm not getting the results I want. If I keep doing the same things, I'm going to have the same failures. If we keep promoting the same feminist issues, again and again and again, and keep seeing worse results, we're not going to be better for it. And so that's my argument with feminism and culture and what's the wedge being driven between men and women that should not be occurring to have normal natural relationships. And I think culture in this particular way is getting in the way. A human construct is getting in the way. And if I'm showing a light on it and people are upset by that, I get that. I really do. But I think we need to look at it and we need to ask those questions. Let's get Tanner on it. So I'm of the opinion that any ideology that's based on being opposed to something as opposed to promoting what it is actually in favor of is a losing ideology. That's where you get neo-reaction or anti-feminism or anything that's actually designed to be opposed to a decline or any sort of opposition and it's designed to fail. So rather than being focused on being opposed to the negative aspects of feminism we are better off focusing on being pro-masculinity and pro-traditional femininity and being able to build ourselves up in ways that we become the kind of men that we want to be and I believe firmly that people attract the kind of people who they're most like and so if you have guys who are the bottom of the barrel and women who are bottom of the barrel they're going to attract each other. Whereas if you focus on rising up as much as you can then you're going to continue to attract women who have risen up to that same level just in that feminine aspect versus the masculine aspect. And so rather than, and I mean I don't blame it I went through that same thing myself where I went through these kind of weird realizations that the world wasn't what I thought it was what it was supposed to be. You kind of dive through the red pill rabbit hole and you find things like the manosphere or the pickup community or anything else and you take the red pill and you go well what am I supposed to do with this? You stay in that negative realm but it doesn't do you and it doesn't do society any good. Whereas if you focus on this is what I'm going to build this is what I'm going to accomplish I'm going to find societies and I'm going to find cultures because I live in a culture that very much focuses on being pro-family and pro those traditional aspects and so for me I'm working on preserving something that exists that I'm used to as opposed to trying to rebuild something that's completely lost which is what a lot of you guys are used to. So kind of like what I talked about yesterday find your tribe and that applies to more than just style find your tribe of people who are like-minded with you philosophically and people who are actually going to be pro-masculinity or pro-traditionalism as opposed to anti-feminism and then that way you'll have much more of a positive effect than you would otherwise. Hi. So I wanted you guys as advice on my life situation I'm 23 years old and for the past year I've been working for an accounting firm and I hate my job my first job out of college and I don't like the city in where I live in so I plan on this next month quitting my job and I plan on moving to LA I decided I'm going to live where I want to live and I don't want to work for anyone ever again and I started selling stuff on Amazon for a little bit of money and I don't want to have my own business but I feel like I have hobbies but I have no expertise in anything I feel like you guys are all 10 years older than me so what advice do you have for me for me to go through this adventure journey? What's your name? David. David, hey I love that name that's an awesome name so you have Amazon you're selling stuff on Amazon what other places? that's it it's very little money it's very little you're not replacing your income do you know how much you would need to to keep living along the lines you're living in? yes and I have enough money saved up to live between six months to a year oh you have six months to a year yes okay great so I think you're in a great position yeah I mean I think you should just go and this is the time when you can take risks you don't have kids yet you don't have a lot of other accountability at the moment so do you know what you want to do beyond selling stuff on Amazon? no any idea? okay so if you have an idea you can go an intern at a place like that for a while so you get the skill set that you can run your own company okay but if you're just going to start your own company and you don't have an idea even you're just going to be floundering so the best thing to do is go to a place that you with a product or a company that you respect something that you want to build if you could build it what would it be and then just actually intern there you can even go for free if you volunteer if you have enough to live on and it's about what you learn as well as more importantly the networking that you'll have so yeah networking and getting around the right people is the best way to go yeah David I was in a situation similar to yours and I didn't tell that story because I had limited time but what David said was critical but what I'll tell you with respect to you said you weren't an expert in anything nobody starts out as an expert but you do have to find either something to get passionate about you said you didn't want to work for anyone else is that what you said David did bring up a great point in that you what I heard you say what I interpreted what you said is you don't like the culture and it's an accounting culture and I can only imagine what that's like right but you can find a place that has a different culture a culture that you resonate with instead of the cutthroat work 80 hours and don't sleep and we need to get the books done and so we can make money type of culture so you can do that but you can also become an expert and so one way that you can do that is by interviewing people that you're really interested in what they do in fact two years ago even after 17 years of experience as a health and fitness professional I started asking myself well what could I what else could I do here and I started on that path so if you're interested in doing the online thing that's a way to do it but definitely make sure you have a plan and don't just throw caution to the wind even though you do have some money saved up I hope that's helpful hi guys the question I had was all of us are in the middle of our journey to be like the best man or the best person we could be and looking at you guys up there we kind of see like an end an end result you guys are at the end of this journey but my question was what's your current obstacle right now so that we can get like a sense of like where you guys are and we have our obstacles but you guys are we see you guys as like the end result what are your current obstacles right now so yes we are the end result we don't get any better this is what you aspire to once you hit our level just end it and none of you none of you will ever hit our level so obviously we're joking I'm joking yeah so like he said earlier we were talking about with jujitsu too like imagine starting martial arts when you were like a kid or something like we're actually a little jealous of you guys that you get to do this stuff when you're younger I mean I hit it when I was like 25, 26 is when I started after my divorce but even that I mean some of you guys here are under 21 I mean fuck what were we doing we were like still teenagers 18, 19 years old yeah well besides you drink your coffee so really for me it's interesting because like I've been thinking about this for the last several months so actually almost a year now about moving past Bravo PUA because like that's kind of something I needed to get into just for myself just to survive I needed to learn the skill and I did and then I got really good at it and also because I've experienced teaching and stuff I started working with some guys that were on the forums and going out with them and helping them out and I remember like the first little mini boot camp I did with my old wingman the next day he was like oh yeah man this is it this is the stuff we're gonna do like we're gonna do this stuff and a year from now we'll be teaching this stuff I don't know how hard it is to get into all these kind of things and I was just like yeah yeah sure and in my head I'm like there's no fucking way there's no way I'll be able to get into this and make this a job or anything a year later I was working for the guy who wrote the book The Game so it did happen and then I did that for a while I worked there in California in LA and it's not for me and then when things went the way they did I started my own company and I was like six and a half years ago and I still love teaching when I teach and love helping guys last year was the executive protection class we did where we did like edge weapons improvised weapons like body guard work and all this stuff I mean it was just weapon disarms all this cool stuff with my buddy and then this year in September we're doing the survival class where we're going out to the woods and teaching all that stuff so really I was just like these are new things I want to start doing and like learning for myself and it seems like the more I expand the more cool stuff I'm into like even just like today like I've come and spoke before and the first topic I did here at the 21 convention five years ago was online dating one of my specialties and then we kind of just did an extra little like firearms talk but specifically what I came for this time was like the self defense talk which is really what I was doing before I even gotten to pick up so I just kind of see like we're constantly evolving and adding new things to our life we get kind of bored or burned out on one thing we see that that's just like a puzzle piece to the bigger overall image and I see all the heads nod and two like we're like okay this is the next thing and this is actually the higher level and so that's really like once you understand kind of that formula like I embrace it like I love coming to things now and like being able to be a beginner again and like learn things and the better the more you do that the better and faster you learn those new skill sets so like even just coming here and seeing the speakers I already have a handful of ideas of new things I'm going to start implementing so I'm in that process Bravo PUA is going to maybe get retired in stephengrush.com above all things be a man is the website I'm currently working on which will be just kind of everything I teach that I'm into and write about so um I would say that we're definitely I mean despite obviously being in the superior perfect position we're obviously all like in the middle of our journey you know nobody's like anywhere near the end I don't think you ever will be right um so yeah just because we might be a little bit more advanced in an area that we've dedicated a lot of our time to doesn't mean that there aren't other areas that you are equally advanced or more so or right so what am I working on right now personally in all of my imperfection I'm still figuring out relationships that's one thing that I've yet to crack um but yeah doing a lot of work on that and it will be the subject for my 21 convention speech in Miami this year and an upcoming book I can share it right now if you think it's going to be um why falling in love sucks so looking forward to yeah oh no nothing against loved loves the greatest thing in the universe falling in love has its problems though so okay over here I had kind of two um one was it's interesting that he brought up that question one of the things I kind of missed and wondered about was where you guys stand on the financial sector because most men never become financially independent or they don't know what that really means so uh I guess that my one question will be where do you guys stand on just the financial area even wisdom on like guys it's more than just saving it might be making money or what do you know what would you speak to guys about financial stuff it's just instead of just save invest your time in this you want to increase your income if you have those goals and the other thing is with your own core challenges um are what are there some of the reminders or some of the core things that you would say you're going to experience this and I want you to know this when you guys go home does that make sense so if you remember from the very beginning of my talk I've had the pleasure to work with some very financially well-off people and had a lot of dealings with people like that in Miami and I'll tell you there's a line between making a lot of money and being broke money does not buy you happiness it's a cliche but I've seen some some of the most wealthy miserable people in Miami beach living it up downing bottles of champagne so what I would say is you definitely have to find a way to I mean if your goal is financial independence you definitely have to find a way to to make money right to afford to come to places like this to go do the things that you want to be healthy to afford good quality food all that stuff but at the end of the day you need to be there needs to be a balance between what you're passionate about doing and how much you make for that but there's a tremendous opportunity and as far as like what guys should know I would say if you're in your 20s invest in yourself and try to figure out a path to become to go down that path of mastery for me it's health and fitness even though I spoke about something different for Bravo it's he just said he's coming back to this self-defense thing for you know for Tanner it's style so find something to really focus on because if you're not focused you're gonna have trouble making money in a career and whether that's whether you work for yourself or you end up working for another person in a business which that's okay too but find something you're passionate about something that you can strive to be great at and the money will come as a byproduct but in the meantime as you're putting your work in there's some you're gonna have to you know you're gonna there's some struggle involved right but just don't think that you're gonna get the money at the end of the day and it's all gonna be good if you forget that other part you're gonna be like those sad individuals in Miami Beach that I see all the time who are driving around their lambos and have their yachts and multi-million dollar places and that you right now earn a better position than those people are just a quickie that's what she said so so with money I I think what Ted said there was great and I guess to just add to that and that's all I can do really there is my personal goal is to be free of money my biggest asset is my health and then my time and if I can follow my purpose have all my needs accounted for and it doesn't cost me anything then I've won I wanna free myself from that game of having to make money when I was a kid I'd see on TV you know you'd have the cartoons when you got home from school and then it'd be the news and it'd be like the pound fell today actually I come from England so the pound is like whoa yeah the Brexit but you know that was like the most boring thing on TV right and then as I got older I'm like oh I have to but secretly my inner child is like this is still so boring so I started to pay attention instead of following my heart and following my mind following my gut money is like ether it's like invisible money doesn't exist you may have heard that before when we have a bank note it's just a representation of trust between two people of value and you can create money out of nothing so what I would suggest is to educate yourself as much as you can as much as it's fun to learn about money a great book to start with which I found very useful is The Richest Man in Babylon that's a great book of principles another very good book which is more modern is The Millionaire Next Door and it talks about you know the world's most wealthy people aren't what you think they look like they're not rappers they're not necessarily celebrities they have very humble lives the richest of the rich and so those would be my suggestions so the ultimate goal I think you win the money game when you're free of money I would just like to build on what this gentleman was saying about leaving the accountancy firm find out what you're scared of find out what a lack of money means to you what poverty means to you you may have experienced that already but if you haven't lean into it exist with no money see what it's like the original Socrates the original Socrates he walked around he spent a couple of days a month as I understand just living in poverty because that was his greatest fear so he embraced it and then he he developed strength over that fear and so it was never holding him back after that because when you're looking for something like money you may be looking at it from a source of lack so you need it to be a by-product because you're doing something you love and I think that's the best way to get that harmony there so that's just all I'd say about that cool great things I'm just going to add well first let me ask you a question what does financial independence mean to you how much is that oh so he said 100,000 dollars a year okay cool so on that note on that goal I think it's quite attainable and to the point where you can have a lifestyle business still lead and yet because of the power of the internet you could make the 10,000 a month now here's the key instead of focusing on your need for money focus on your fall in love with your customer so think about you can get enough somebody said this I can't remember who maybe you guys can remind me somebody said you can get everything you want if you give enough people what they want and I would add if you can get enough people more of what they want so your you have to think in terms of what value are you bringing to other people if you ask that question instead of how can I make money it's how can I help people and if you help people enough and enough people you're going to get paid no problem and with the internet now everybody can just start a website put out content and get a following and then start to see the fruits of that at 10k I kind of stagnated as far as business wise like I hit that lifestyle income and then I just coasted and did other things and the business really came to a fore for me more because I saw a 20 year goal for me and my 20 year goal was I still very strongly want to help children around the world in bad situations right like I spent like a year just researching the heck out of things like Save the Children UNICEF and thinking about I'll just go into that full time but I didn't have a skill set that would add massive value to what they're doing yet and the way I see as far as the business operations go is I'm learning these business operations so that 20 years from now I can step into a non-profit and make an influence and help thousands and thousands of people find happiness in health and that's what drives me I'm not doing it for me I got enough money in fact I have too much free time and now I did a couple years ago and now I got serious about business not for me but for what I want to do 20 years from now to help children and to have trust funds for the people I love that's what drives me not me there's only so much pleasure I can take it's for other people so once you find the why involving others that drives you to do all that extra work especially at the beginning when you're setting it up and then finding out how can I bring value to the customer then you'll get on the right path I have a question about fathers so my father was not a masculine influence growing up at all we did not have a good relationship when I was a kid or a teenager I have a much better relationship with him now and I would really like to connect with him on masculine issues and I was wondering if there's any of you guys who have had that relationship that you've had to repair in adulthood and how that repair flows from a son to his father without being like a dishonorable type of relationship if that makes sense alright so I'm just going to start with this I've been disowned by my parents multiple times I've like done some pretty crazy shit and so in repairing damage in order to do that I mean I would say work on yourself if there is damage you kind of alluded to that like there's a break in the relationship and you need to rebond that do some work on yourself it's not about guilt or I'm sorry or pleading to somebody it's about bringing things back to an equal level right because when our emotions want to repair something a lot of the times it's like man I screwed up I'm so bad or whatever and these sorts of things when really it's about how do we get as close back to where we were before even if it was 50 years ago or something like that even if it was many many years ago and how can we get to that zero point as close as possible right and so it stops being that issue the thing about looking in my opinion looking for some sort of masculine bonding with your father if you're looking for that I don't think you're going to find that with your father you're going to find that elsewhere there's nothing wrong with that and so the reason why I say that is because when people change especially like within their family with anything right so it's like I want to achieve this goal because of my dad or because of my mom or I want to build this bond with them we can build a bond with them but it's kind of interesting I'm going to use the word fantasy the imagined you know outcome is very different than the reality and where the true reality and change will come will usually come from outside of that and so in a specific way your change is going to happen in something that you do in your life you know what you're searching for and what it's inspired by behind it is going to I guess manifest or have an outcome in something that you're doing now with your real life I think also chasing that may kind of delay how you connect with your dad you know what I'd say you can act your way into good thinking you can't think your way into good acting set up a call every day with your dad say hey we haven't talked much every Sunday let's do whatever or maybe go to his house and watch football or whatever it is that he does and do that and that action will get you on a better track than a lot of other stuff in our heads of what we think we need to do I'm going into it too because I've talked about this I think with one guy today and one guy yesterday basically similar question in the back when we were hanging out think about how many people you know who had kids when they were like in high school or even maybe junior high but high school and then college and people you went to school with people in your neighborhood that had kids and think about how fucking dumb they are and like we all know people like that right that had kids you're like oh man that kid's doomed shit and so maybe they weren't friends maybe there's people like I said you knew in school and stuff so unfortunately I don't want to say any of you guys here but I've met people who were those kids and then later you're like I heard the stories from them I heard the whole debrief on everything and I was like hey your dad sounds like a dumb piece of shit so a lot of times they're not good people and I'm not saying your dad's not a good guy or anything but sometimes that's the case and building those kind of relationships and that connection is also a two way street so like with my dad and I we fought a lot my dad I have an older brother too it was just bad I ended up moving out when I was like 18 late 18, early 19 year old we didn't even talk for a couple years or anything and then after I got divorced we kind of started talking a little bit more and exactly what Steve said is what I did when I was living in Phoenix after I came back from LA I had to reach out and go over to his house and hang out with him and stuff and I guess about a year ago now he got real sick he'd smoked forever got pneumonia and I had to take him to the ER and he ended up going to ICU for a couple days and they took him out and put him in the normal room and they had to put him back in ICU and he got real bad at the end or he's out now but he got real bad at the end of his visit and because of me and my life and the life I've created and the financial freedom and I don't have a time clock and help him out and even after that too I kind of thought the relationship would change a whole bunch and this is very private I've only talked about this with two people and it really didn't too much the relationship we'd kind of rebuilt when I came back to Phoenix that's basically as good as it gets and I just have to accept it and I'm not saying negative things about him or anything he just is what he is he's not trying to evolve or change who he is so I had to just find happiness with the relationship that we have because that's all it is and so maybe he's at that level and that's as good as it's going to get and other people with their family, they're at that level and that's as good as it's going to get and really, going off what Steve said it's like the mentors and some of those deep connections and the guys that you really learn like that masculine connection and lessons from I know for me it's come from other places martial arts, tactical training with cops, law enforcement, stuff like that those are the guys, it's not something where it's just like a fire hose where it's just tons and tons of stuff it's just like a lesson here, a lesson there and the more that I go out and do these kind of things I just keep adding like little nuggets here and there and I look at those kind of guys too and I'm like that's the type of guy I want to be like and then whether they know it or not they become mentors of mine so does that help? so the first thing I actually want to make a comment to this gentleman back here I want him to know specifically after you guys having made all these great comments about the financial aspect I want to say I'm 28 now I've made over $100,000 since I've been 19 $100,000 a year and I'm in the same exact room that you are sitting in the same chair I hope that exemplifies exactly what they just said I mean it doesn't mean shit but and you did not pick up Wawa yesterday me too we went with you you got a tuna sub and you didn't spread the wealth so this question is probably going to go to Sasha I stumbled upon the 21 convention through pickup videos and it was some of Sasha's pickup videos one of the things I realized and what it seems that Sasha has gotten to is that the pickup industry is really just exposing deeper issues within ourselves of finding ourselves and becoming ourselves is there any value to exploring the pickup industry and kind of staying with that for a little bit or is it better to just say screw it as a whole and say I'm on life coach mode this is really where I need to be it's going to be a really short answer yeah just get what you want out of it and get the fuck out that's it so if you need to overcome okay rejection or you're worried what girls are going to say or you just want to get a little bit better at flirting or whatever like there's always some piece you know same like I came in half way through the other question but I had no dad he left when I was three I was absolutely clueless I had to figure all that stuff on my own so it has its lessons for sure but the problem is with anything else you don't want to go in there and just that's your life forever like that's horrible I've met guys who are literally they've been doing it for years and years and years five years ten years longer and they're stuck in it and they haven't gotten the lessons and gotten out go in with a goal of what you want to learn get it done move on with your life it's weird it's weird to be obsessed with women and having sex with girls for years and years and years it's weird it's imbalanced and it will ruin your life get in for a couple years do what you gotta do get out and move on simple as that and to quickly add because big time PUA guy obviously was my background to me it was I needed it after my divorce like I needed it I needed to figure out this area of my life with women and it's a symptom of a larger overall issue so that I was like I need to work on that and then when I started working on that I was like well actually it's not that that showed me I need to work on this and then that I was like pull back I actually gotta work on a whole bunch of stuff right now so for me that was the big thing and if this wasn't my job I always tell guys hey if I hadn't seen it in action and saw how it could actually help someone I would be the guy making the most fun of it on the internet ever especially when the show and stuff come out I still troll a lot but I would have been a thousand times worse and this wasn't my job there's no fucking way I'd be into it I wouldn't talk about it and make it part of my life I would be embarrassed to even bring this stuff up but the fact that like I was two maxed out credit cards and like wouldn't to live in LA and didn't know what I was gonna do and then now somehow I'm like living in my dream city and I have a house and I'm running into this dream house right now and then like financial freedom and I could take a year or two off and just travel and stuff I want so now I'll talk about it a little bit in public but even then I really don't so you guys aren't in our shoes just like almost anything else in life unless it becomes something you're super passionate about then stick around a little bit longer there's just seven minutes on the Q&A I could take at least one question on YouTube let me get back here and that's actually two minutes shorter so if there's not one ready we can just go back let's just go live alright can I sit there dude I need to sit so here's the coolest thing that just happened you're gonna love this Steve guess who's asked the question I won't love it who that would be awesome that would be awesome it's actually Bruce Wayne himself has asked the question in the chat now his real name's though Gordon and here's the coolest thing you guys don't even need to answer this question because the guys in the chat have answered the question I believe but we can go over it and I think that shows the power of what Anthony's built and yeah so the question was it's just a simple question which you guys will hear all the time like how do you get over jealousy in a relationship especially if your partner flirts with others albeit innocently and basically what the guys in the chat are saying is that what you just touched on Steven it's a symptom of his self-esteem and yeah the guys have pretty much wrapped that up in the chat and helped him with that which is just makes me like really proud so I don't know if you want to add anything to that yeah great answer I would add okay so for Anthony just gave a talk on psychopaths I talked about Dark Triads I talked about Dark Triads I think guys put too much responsibility on themselves for being fucked up and they don't realize that women are people too like human beings like us they can be fucked up if she's flirting with other dudes and you're in a fucking relationship where's the maturity in her side stop saying okay I'm the main it could be some insecurity on your side but you got to check her in this to play games there's a Machiavellian thing going on this is one of the most the most common techniques of women in clubs is to manipulate men using jealousy it's one of the easiest powers they have to create that and they like to have guys fighting amongst each other for themselves and talking about it in the back so if it's a relationship that you want to have you want to openly flirt with other girls she can openly flirt with other guys so in which case you probably won't get so jealous but if it's a situation where you're going to get into an exclusive arrangement and she's flirting with other guys you have to question her as well not like actually interrogate her but to ask yourself is this the woman you want to be in a relationship with because I'll tell you it's a symptom of a deeper problem in her so just put that out there yeah did you want to say something? so I'm going to take a totally different angle man my girlfriend flirts with people people flirt with her I let it happen, if I get jealous I address it, we work it out we communicate jealousy isn't about being weak it doesn't necessarily mean somebody's manipulating you either that could be so you have to determine I mean you see there's a range of stuff here the one thing that I hate is when pickup guys are like which you weren't saying on YouTube there you go comment box but is when they say you frame it out or you got to be tough somehow have some confidence you're a human being be that first and then work on your definition of masculinity and your relationship to communicate what's appropriate with your partner and how you're going to exist so that's it and then also if you're coming from not coming from a place of scarcity that also becomes a lot less powerful and painful because like I know I have a girlfriend now and I know if things don't work out I'll be okay she's awesome, coolest chick I've ever met but if things don't work out I'll be okay so once you get to that higher level and the confidence then it's not really even an issue at all like if she flirts and guys are talking to her I sit back and enjoy the show and I see it and the guy ends up leaving with her and I'm like oh man he deserves her more than me good job bro I got to level up especially with you oh man you're fucking all that stuff just to emphasize something David said it's all about the agreements so the problem usually is people aren't clear on their agreements like if you agree to be monogamous with somebody and you're both like yeah that's cool then yeah she shouldn't be running around flirting but if that's not what you want don't make that agreement I think it's a really stupid agreement to make with any human hey we're just gonna have sex with each other forever that's retarded I would never say that but so just be careful what you agree to and if you haven't agreed to it then don't expect it and if you have agreed to it then stick to it right it's really that simple just one last thing yeah it's cute behold the power of the feminine but you're the masculine so your focus is on strength so isn't that what you love about her she does do that you know she has that power her divine feminine so when you feel that feeling focus on your divine masculine you know we're all born with emotions jealousy isn't necessarily a bad emotion it's part of who we are it's part of what makes us human all the negative emotions are they're our dark side so they're often where we can learn lessons too I wish you all the success with them alright last question here they can answer it well my question is on responsibility when you have responsibilities say a child how do you go about getting new experiences without having as much risk and going out like I can't I can't say I can't but having the two parent privilege of me just going to LA and just living my passion or whatever I would feel like I'm taken away from the child how do you balance that so this is going to be tough I'm a new father very late in life and I avoided that responsibility because I was afraid I had sincere fears I think those fears were well founded and I was also deeply deeply intimidated I I gravitate to Socrates because the phrase of know thyself and I think all change needs to start from within when you enter relationships it's no longer about yourself it's about you, it's about your partner and it's about the relationship and you need to act not only in your partner's best interest but in the relationship's best interest and in also your own interest so it's very much like the brain, heart, gut simplex, you know those three functions of the brain that system when you're dealing with a child that goes beyond your relationship with your partner that child has become now a manifestation, a fusion of the two of you, literally through genetic material and it didn't have a choice it did not enter into that relationship willfully it's something that you and your partner developed and it came about because of your actions you then become responsible for that individual if we talk about relationships requiring sacrifice I would sit down and say your children require greater sacrifice you know I think in many instances we throughout all cultures would look at parent parental sacrifice both male and female, feminine and masculine sacrificing for the children is not only normal but absolutely necessary you're going to have to weigh that individually you're going to have to look at the context in which you're talking and living and experiencing and how to best address that I would sit down and say regardless of the decisions you make in the context you face, choose admirably and if you do that you're still going to make mistakes but you're not going to have regret and that's something I brought up in my talk and it's something I firmly believe in and it's a philosophy I'm taking from others but it's it's in the heat of a moment long term thinking think and choose admirably if you do that and think in the best interest of your child and pour your resources into the future into that child you're going to make good decisions so we're kind of building off of what sock said I think one of the biggest mistakes that we make is we believe that we sacrifice for the things that we love when the reality is we love the things for which we sacrifice I've got a daughter who's four, a son who's two and I've got a third on the way we're old school and we want to have like five or six kids and sometimes I as a dad feel guilty because I'm on the road a lot or because it's not mentally stimulating for me to be at home with them and spend two or three or four hours at a time doing the same wrestling match over and over again and you start to feel guilty about it but the reality is if you're making that sacrifice for them and you find ways that sacrifice meaningful for you then you don't have to chase your fulfillment you don't have to chase your stimulation you don't have to try to find that in travel or in building this other empire or in doing anything else you can find it within the unit of your own little family the other thing that I would say to that is it's your job as a father to provide for them and so if you are building up your career if you're doing things that help provide for them even if sometimes it comes at the expense of quantity time with them as a dad and so you're not doing it at the expense of it you're doing it because that's what your responsibility is and so as long as you're not doing things that hurt your family and come at the expense of time with your family but they build it if it comes at the expense of time with them then you're doing your job as a father and you're living up to that responsibility and if you try to see that time that you get to spend with them as challenges and ways that you can actually grow and chase those things that you're seeking then you not only get the quantity but you get the quality of that time with them and you benefit from it just as much as they do you have kids? me? yeah so how old one? 3 years old you see him or you're split? we're together still and you want to be together we want to be together so check this out man so when I was 28 I had my first son he was born I had a crazy relationship I don't like to talk a lot of shit because both of us made decisions that you have to be responsible for we had another child and they're great, they're great kids man there was a lot of time where I was around them there was a lot of time where I was doing a lot of cool stuff when they were born too and we had good times and probably things were things were not done right there were a lot of crazy things and I know we've talked about all these war stories with women like accused of abuse and multiple ways to the point but I do not see them what I feel the smartest choice it's a hard decision, I've talked to Mike about it quite a bit a lot of tough decisions there I have a family now where a lot of good things happen and it's amazing and I have a lot I have a lot but I know what it's like also to be like, well shit I went into court child support got stacked on me at $1,700 just because I was unprepared I know what it's like to have it go up to three years I know what it's like to be into $13,000 in debt I know what it's like to be slammed by this person and so there's all this like pursuit of fucked up stuff that goes on with it and man, to be a dad there's all these great concepts and all these great situations and I've lived the good and the bad of both but also to be a dad is to learn to be responsible in the ways that you can having fun and all those things that can happen in so many ways but how can you do it and still be there not in the way that we're saying you have to be but in the way that you can be what does a son want and how much can you do that these are tough decisions of mine of where I have to live with but I'm totally prepared to live I'm not running from I don't want to run from them I want them to happen but I also have to be smart about it I believe if you're in a relationship there's a lot of damage that is happening if you communicate you shouldn't communicate I'm all for connection I'm all for expression but there I drew the line it's just not safe in the moment so a lot of things a lot of people lose so how can you be responsible you've got to be wise you've got to talk to a lot of people if you have a child and you have a relationship man, live for that easier said than done, you know man way easy it's not just a fucking concept we can talk about it more but there's a lot more to it you're asking this last question is for you, Anthony great what I think is inspired a lot of people is your willingness to have a collision of ideas at your convention and I don't know if everyone always wraps their head around that and I think that's a large part personally of personal growth but can you comment on the power of not surrounding yourself with everybody who's like-minded there is power in the collision of ideas with everyone who is like-minded or is not like-minded is like-minded yeah, so for me this is something I'm actually studying right now in a book called The Dim Hypothesis by Dr. Leonard Pieckoff and as far as I can tell I'm what he would call an integrator I mean I'm constantly integrating ideas with Brabo's a great example of that this year we're bringing back more self-defense Tanner's a great example of that, bringing in style and Steve this year specifically asking new things on sex and yeah, for me I'm just constantly focused on integrating ideas always adding more psychopathy is now a new one that's really got on my radar clearly I'm not the only speaker up here of course Socrates and David Tanner are also on it and now Miami I'm going to be inviting the foremost expert in the world on psychopathy because it's gotten on my radar very very important in human life to understand so yeah, it's immensely immensely important to add great ideas I think one of the ways I heard it put best was by Dr. Doug McGuff at the 2012 convention in Austin and basically what you see happening and what I love seeing in the halls I saw it today between Marcus and Tanner and between Tanner and Brabo is ideas having sex which sounds really gay because we're all guys but that's what I see happening more gay than the 21 people that's the next one Miami, yeah under 21convention.com by ticket but no, seriously, I love seeing it I tell them and they pick up on it but I'm seriously amazed because I know and I can see what's happening whether or not they do they probably do a lot of the time but even when they don't I see it I see the coaching skills and experience that Marcus has talking to Tanner they're both picking up that they have similarities but I know both of them a little bit better because they literally just met I don't know Tanner that well but I know him better than Marcus did and same thing with Tanner and Brabo here's the guy talking about style he's like a style philosopher in a way and then Brabo comes up and gives you self defense and they're fucking hitting him off from the hallway just going at it, like this is awesome I'm taking, yeah it's a bromance, exactly I talked to my girlfriend last night I'm at this guy Tanner he's like, cool yep it's immensely important I'm understanding it even saying that it's ideas having sex and it's western civilization moving forward people meeting like this and bringing ideas together and seeing where the similarities are in the fundamentals in that they're all facing reality which is what you're seeing all these speakers do when they're talks and their ideas does that answer your question? alright, then we're fucking done alright