 The Jell-O Program, coming to you from Radio City, New York, starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens the program with For No, Rhyme, or Reason. From California to New York, from Maine to Texas, every home has one common problem, and that's meal planning. You want to keep the family happy, you want to keep their appetites interested. Well, there's where Jell-O is a great big help. Jell-O is one dessert the family always likes, because first of all, there are so many different ways to serve it, with fruits or nuts or whipped cream molded in shimmering layers of two and three lovely colors, or just served perfectly plain, a grand dessert any time. And second and most important, Jell-O tastes so delicious. It's a new treat every time, for Jell-O brings you that extra-rich fruit flavor, a wonderful real fruit goodness that makes every Jell-O dish a triumph. Just be sure to get genuine Jell-O when you buy, if you want to enjoy Jell-O's delicious extra-rich fruit flavor. Look for the big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O. Let us welcome to New York that little ray of California sunshine. That shivering, quivering, ice-kissed comedian, Jack Benny. Hello again, this is Jack Benny coming to you through a suit of long underwear. Don, it's sure great to be back in New York again, but boy, this cold weather is really too much for me. Oh, Jack, I'll admit it has been pretty cold, but it's certainly much warmer today. I know that, Don, but I defrost very slowly. You know, coming from California, my blood happens to be thin, what there is of it. I can hardly stand it. I know how you feel, Jack. After the sun goes down, it does get pretty frigid. Frigid? Why, Don, the other night I slept under six blankets. I felt like the bottom wheat cake. But cold or no cold, it's good to be back in old Manhattan. Well, tell me, Jack, you've been in town now since Thursday. What have you been doing with yourself? Oh, I've had a lot of fun, Don. I saw some shows, went to a couple of nightclubs, and last night I was invited over to Fred Allen's apartment for dinner. Oh, Fred Allen, huh? Yeah, he and I are pretty good friends now, you know. Well, I'm glad to hear it. Has Fred got a nice apartment? Oh, how could I tell, Don, with all that laundry hanging in the living room? But, Don, you should have seen the meal he put on. Now, you know me, Don. I mean, you know, I don't want to sound catty. But after all, how often do I come to New York? Maybe once a year. Well? Well, you think he could have had Sardine some other night. Sardine? I wouldn't have liked him if he'd have opened them with the key to the city. I got even with him, though. When I left, I took three spoons back to the automatically. Well, he finds that out. Gee, it doesn't seem possible that Fred would invite you to dinner and serve that kind of a meal. Well, he did. And wait a minute, here's the payoff. No, the only ones there were Fred, Portland, Mary, and myself. And when we got through eating, Fred asked me to get up and make an after-dinner speech. After-dinner speech, what was that for? Well, he was hoping I'd say something that he could use on his program next Wednesday. You know. Oh, I get it. I fooled him, though. I got up and recited the Gettysburg Address in French. Let him use that. Anyway, Fred and I are friends now. I'm not going to start running him down. Running him down? What have you been doing up till now? Well, oh, it's you, Phil. Well, welcome to New York. Thank you. Say, keep bowing. Flack those curly teeth. Yes, sir. You know, Phil, I was wondering if you'd show up tonight. I haven't seen you since we got in town Thursday. Where are you living? At the Aster Bar. The Aster Bar? Well, for goodness' sake, why didn't you take a room in the hotel upstairs? Funny, the bartender asked me that when I was shaving this morning. Well, I can imagine the kind of time you've been having. Say, Phil, I was just looking over the boys in the orchestra. This, uh, this isn't your regular band, is it? No, Jack, these are local boys. What do you think of them? They're a fine bunch, they look like you picked them up at a rummage sale or something. What if I did? They're instruments are new. Oh, yeah, well, that's something, yes. But I can't understand why you didn't bring your regular band along. I offered to pay their expenses. Their expenses? That's rich. Well, I did. Sure you did. I got 14 musicians and you wanted to put them in seven up for births. Well, the births were opposite each other. They could have slept crossways. You know, the train was crowded. Crowded? Yeah, I had a share of my birth with an Indian that got on at Albuquerque. Kept me up all night trying to sell me a blanket. Happened to snore once or twice, he tried to scalp me. What a trip, huh? Hello, Jack, here's your little glamour girl. Oh, hello, Mary. That's it, Mary. Keep bowing, show your silly hat. How do you like this New York weather, Mary? What a change. Burp, it's cold. Burp, that's burp. Burp. Hello, Don. Hello, Mary. Have you been having a good time since we got here? Oh, swell, Don. Gee, I love winter in New York. I've been taking long walks in Central Park every day. Walking in the park with all this snow, are you crazy? It's almost gone now, Jack. Well, maybe it is, but I saw a picture of Mary LaGuardie in front of the city hall last week, and the snow was way up to his ears. Oh, how high is that? Plenty high, he was standing on Grover Wayland. Now that's silly. What was Grover Wayland doing under the snow? He was keeping his gardenia fresh. Well, hey, Frank, Mary, I never thought of that. Well, anyway, you can all have this winter weather. Every time I go out of the hotel, I just about freeze. Well, no wonder you came from California without an overcoat. Why don't you buy one? Oh, we're only going to be here a couple of weeks, say. Why spend $50 or $60, you know? That's right. You can get a can of sterno for a dime. Yeah. Now, Mary, if you don't stop ribbing me, I'll tear into that hat you're wearing tonight. You ought to see this one, folks. I think it's cute. Yeah, it sure is. Looks like something a bride would bake. That's what the girl in the store said. Well, she was sure clicking. Say, Phil, we got a long show to do. How about a number? OK, Jackson. Thank you. Hold it a minute. Come in. Oh, how do you do? Hello, Jack. Are you busy? Well, miss, right now I'm. Oh, for heaven's sake, I'll be doggone. Rosie Nicholson. That's me. Well, gee whiz. Come in. What a surprise. Hey, fellas, this is Rosie Nicholson, a girl I used to go with when I lived here. How do you do? Hi, Rosie. Mary, Mary, this is an old sweetheart of mine. Oh, yeah? Well, well, Rosie, Rosie, I haven't seen you in years. I knew you were in town, Jack, so I just thought I'd come up and say hello. Well, I'm glad you did. You're looking great. But Rosie, you've gained a little weight, haven't you? Yeah, now I go with a guy that feeds me. I saw the same sense of humor, but you haven't changed, though, Rosie, really. You're a blonde now, and you were a blonde when I met you. That's right. A lot of peroxide has gone over the dam since then. Miss Livingstone, please. Guys, after all these years, it's sure good to see you again. Say, Rosie, are you married yet? No, but I'm still in there punching. That's the spirit, gal. Don't give up. Say, will you ever forget the fun we used to have? Do you know how crazy I used to be about you? Yeah. Remember the time you gave me a lock of your hair? I'll say. Don't you wish you had it now? Keep still, Mary. We're reminiscing. Say, Rosie, let's sit down and talk over old times, huh? All right, Jack. Play, Phil. Hey, Rosie, will you ever forget the time you got fired from the delicatessen for giving me extra pickles? Uh-huh. This one has an announcement of great importance to make. Take it, Don. Ladies and gentlemen, the scene is the residence of Mr. and Mrs. Homer T. Griddle in the thriving little town of East Irons, New Jersey. They've just finished their roast beef at an hour enjoying their dessert. Let us tune in and hear what they have to say about our product. Gee, darling, this is a swell dessert. It's so appetizing. What do they call it? I'm glad you like it, Homer. It's called. My, it's delicious. And tempting, too. Tell me, dear, is this the only flavor it comes in? Laughty no, honey. This economical dessert comes in. Well, it's simply wonderful. I hope you serve it often. Oh, sweetheart, is there any way of telling this from other similar desserts? Yes, indeedy, precious. All you have to do is look for the. Well, I must run along. I have an appointment at the office. Where is your office? It doesn't say here. Goodbye, dear. Goodbye. Ladies and gentlemen, I venture to say that this happy couple were eating jello. It is economical, easy to make, and comes in six delicious flavors. And now, folks, to resume in a lighter vein, tonight, as we are visiting New York, we are going to present an original murder mystery. A play that we feel. Hi, Jack. Am I late? Oh, a little bit, Kenny, but it's all right. All right. Now, look at those rosy cheeks. Say, Kenny, how do you, how do you, how do you like this kind of weather? It's a little different from Glendale, isn't it? I'll say it is. And you know, Jack, this is the first time I've ever seen snow. Well, well, it looks beautiful, doesn't it? It tastes good, too. Gee, but snow is funny stuff. Say, Jack, I wonder where it comes from. Well, it's very simple, Kenny. A snow is fundamentally rain, but due to atmospheric conditions, the moisture in the clouds condenses into minute crystals. And these tiny particles fall to the earth in dainty white flakes. Well, shut my mouth. Well, it serves me right for even attempting an explanation. Now, why don't you tell them about the stork? No, keep still. He asked me a question and I answered it. I know, but ever since you bought that encyclopedia, you've been showing off. I have not. You have, too. The other day, I just asked you what time it was, and you told me how they make watches. Oh, forget it. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as I started to announce, we are going to present an original... Hey, Jack, is that Kenny Baker, your tenor singer? Oh, yes, Rosie. Oh, Kenny, this is Miss Nicholson, the girl I used to go with. Gee, yeah. Do you live in New York, Miss Nicholson? Yes, I do. Are you a siren? Kenny! You'll have to excuse them, Rosie. He's been reading the wrong kind of magazines. And now, folks, as I started to announce, Kenny stands still and stops scratching. Tonight, we are going to present an original detective thriller entitled Murder in the Movies. Now, in this gripping drama, Phil Harris will be Sergeant of Police. Don Wilson will be Lieutenant, and I will be the Captain. We knew that. Phil, if you're not happy here, I can arrange a taffy pull with your contact. You see, they'd like that. Now, let's see. Well, I think that before... Stop arguing, Phil. Jack should be Police Captain and nobody else. Why should he be? Just give me one reason. I'll give you two. He's got flat feet. Now, wait a minute, Mary. My feet are not flat. Go on. Your footprints on the beach have fooled many a duck hunter. Well, I can't help that. Now, let's see. Well, Jack, is it really true that you purposely flattened your feet the day the United States entered the World War? No, Don. The World War had nothing to do with it. It was an accident. An accident? How could you accidentally flatten your feet? I was hanging out of a window at the time, and I was so surprised at the war news that I dropped. That's ridiculous. Why were you hanging out of a window? Because we were a large family, and shut up. Let me ask you something, Phil. Where were you during the World War? I was in kindergarten. Kindergarten? What are you laughing at? I bet he had a flask at his rompers. You said it. Any guy that'll put on rompers just to avoid being shot, I have no sympathy for. Now, getting back to our play, I will be the captain, and, Kenny, you work in a moving picture theater. See, you're a ticket taker. Okay. Can I wear them in new galoshes? No, Kenny. And, incidentally, you're not supposed to wear galoshes indoors, so take them right off. What? And go barefooted? Barefooted? Kenny, you mean to tell me you haven't got shoes under those galoshes? What do you think I am, a sissy? Well, you've got a high voice, if that's what you mean. Now, Mary, you're going to work in the same moving picture theater. You're a cashier. That's me. Short change Livingston. Well, there'll be none of that. And now, folks, our play, Murder and the Movies, will go on immediately after Kenny's song. Are you ready, Kenny? Yeah. Well, go ahead. And stop that scratching. Are you wearing long underwear or have you been to the flea circus? Both. Oh, you poor kid. Sing. Look, I've seen sit with a kid look, I've seen by Kenny Baker and Kenny that was simply marvelous. Thanks, Jack. Your kindness is exceeded only by your good looks. Well, wow. Hey, where did that come from? And now, folks, before somebody says something, he couldn't let that line go by without making a face at me. And now, folks, we will proceed with our original dramatic thriller entitled Murder at the Movies. Or please don't talk about me when I'm gone. The scene opens at police headquarters where we find Captain O'Benny and his assistants, Lieutenant Wilson and Sergeant Harris. Curtin. Music. Now, listen, men, things are going from bad to worse. The Chief just called me up and said we better clean up the crooks in this district or else. Oh, we're doing all right. Doing all right. Now, listen, Harris, you were on duty in Central Park last night when two men stole an elephant from the zoo. And you let him get away with it. Well, they told me they were Barnum and Bailey. I wouldn't care if they were Damon and Pithias. Which they probably were. Well, I'm sorry, Chief. Sorry. And you, Wilson, you're a fine-looking policeman. Why are you wearing your badge on the seat of your pants? The patch fell off. Oh. Well, listen, fellas, I want action around here. Action. Well, now, I'll fill this jail if I have to serve a dollar dinner. That's what. I'll take it. Hello, Police Headquarters. I mean, hello, Police Headquarters. Thanks, and cash here at the Bijoux Theater. Oh, hello, Mamie. How's Tricks? Fine. She just had pucks. I don't mean that. What did you call me up for? Better get over here right away, Cap. A fellow was just murdered right in front of my box office. Gee was cute. Murdered, eh? How do you know he's dead? He doesn't wink back. I see. Well, tell me, when did this murder happen? Three hours ago. Three hours? Why didn't you call me before? I was selling a ticket to a Scotchman. Oh. Well, hold everything, Mamie. We'll be right over. What's up, Cap? Plenty. There's been a murder in front of the Bijoux Theater. We'd better get over there at once. Right with you, Cap. Now, this may be dangerous, so take everything you need. Oh, Harris, where's your bulletproof vest? At the cleaners. I'm going to a party tonight. Oh. Well, it's lucky you got an excuse. Come on, man. Let's go. Gee, it's cold out tonight. Sure, it's cold. You ought to buy an overcoat. Oh, I can stand it. There's the police car. Let's go. Murder at the Bijoux Theater. Also free dishes. That is all. Step on it, Wilson. I've almost got a set. Say, Cap, can we stop by Joe's pawn shop for a minute? What for? I want to pick up my gun. We haven't got time for that. Come on. Give her the gas, Wilson. Okay. Here's the place, fellas. All right. Break it up, men. I'll stand back, everybody. Where's the body, Cap? Yeah. Hmm. Help me lift him up, fellas. I'll take his overcoat for evidence. Evidence? Shut up. Now, let's see. Well, well, he was shot right through the little finger. Little finger? How could that kill him? He was scratching his head at the time. There's Mamie in the box office. I'll get the load down from her. Hello, Mamie. Hello, Cap. I'm glad you got here. Now, listen, Mamie. Now, tell me all you know about this murder. Well, Cap, I was sitting here selling tickets. When all of a sudden, how many please? Two on the balcony. Thank you. All right, Mamie. All right. What happened? Well, anyway, I heard a shot. And all of a sudden, how many please? Six. I want to lie down. Now, come on, Mamie. I got to get the facts. What did the murderer look like? What was the color of his hair? I don't know. He had a hat on. Well, his eyes, then. His eyes. What color were his eyes? He had dark glasses on. Oh, well, what about his face? What did his face look like? A veal cutlet. You're trying to shield him. Now, where did he go? Well, as soon as he fired the shot, he ran into the theater. That's what I wanted to know. Come on, boys. We'll go in after him. Where is he, Cap? There's the doorman. Hey, buddy. Did a man come in here a few minutes ago with a gun in his hand? Yes, sir. He did. Was the gun smoking? Yes. So I made him sit in the loges. Now, let's go in, man. This is a cinch. Oh, I'm sorry, mister. But you fellows will have to have tickets. Tickets? We're the police and we're after a criminal. Here, look at our badges. They're very pretty, but you've got to have tickets. Oh, all right. Hey, Wilson, buy three tickets. Okay. Now, see here, buddy. Did you get a good look at the murder? Yes. He had purple hair, yellow eyes, and light green complexion. Now, that's ridiculous. How could he look like that? It could have been something I ate, you know. Oh, you're no help. Here are the tickets, Cap. Here you are, buddy. Hold your stubs, please. Now, come on, man. The kid told us he went upstairs. Follow me. Okay, man. Here are the loges. Now, let's take it easy. We've got them cornered now. Stubs, please. Oh, here you are. I'm sorry, sir, but these tickets are for the main floor. Now, look here, buddy. We're the law. We're after a desperate criminal. He's sitting in the loges. Well, he can afford it, can't you? Oh, all right. What do we owe you? $0.45 extra for three tickets. Here you are. Make a note of that here. $0.65 for expenses. Now, let's see. Here are the loges. Hey, fellas, I bet that's him there on that end seat. He looks like a killer. Yeah. A quiet man. Let's sneak up on him. Darn it, there's the news reel. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Army beats Navy 14-7 in thrilling football game. The crowd is in a frenzy as Army scores its first touchdown. Harris, you're here on business. New York City, New York. Animal lovers mourn the loss of Oscar the Elephant, which was stolen last night from Central Park Zoo. Police are baffled. We are not. Then where's the elephant? Never mind. We'll find him. Hollywood, California. Bevy of beautiful girls arrive in Hollywood to take part in beauty contest. Look at those gorgeous creatures as they step off the plane. Now, come on, man. We've got to catch that murderer before he gets away. Hey, Cap. There's a fellow with a gun sitting over there with a door. That's the guy we want. Come on. Now, what's that? It's a feature picture. Look. Yeah, there's the title, Jack Benny and Artist and Models. Why, that's my old picture. We can't nab that guy now. We'll have to wait until it's over. Oh, no, you don't. I'm not going to sit through this. Take it away. I give up my surrender. What? I confess. I killed him. I'm the murderer. But I'm not going to sit through this picture. Graceless out of men and take him away. I'm staying for the picture. Play, Phil. It's quick and easy way to add new excitement to your dinner table tomorrow night. Serve the new Jello vanilla pudding with crisp toasted nut meats folded right into it. It's inviting. It's new. It's delicious. For Jello vanilla pudding has a marvelous flavor, creamy, delicate, and smooth as satin. It's made with real vanilla. That's why it's so tempting and good. Then try the new Jello butterscotch pudding. It's just as delicious as the vanilla. For it's rich with old-fashioned butterscotch flavor. The flavor your whole family will love. And it has a golden, taffy color that makes you hungry just to look at it. And then try Jello chocolate pudding. Every bit as tempting as the kind that mother used to make, but far quicker and easier. For all three new Jello puddings can be prepared in next to no time with just a few minutes cooking. Simple directions are in every package. So ask your grocer tomorrow for all three Jello puddings. Vanilla, butterscotch, and chocolate. We're a little late, so good night, folks. Kenny Baker appears on the Jello program for courtesy of Margalli Productions. This is the National Broadcasting Company.