 Section 1 of Stories by English Authors, London. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Kirsten Weber. Stories by English Authors, London. By Various. Section 1. The Inconsiderate Waiter by J. M. Barry. Frequently, I have to ask myself in the street for the name of the man I bowed to just now, and then before I can answer, the wind of the first corner blows him from my memory. I have a theory, however, that those puzzling faces which pass before I can see who cut the coat will belong to club waiters. Until William forced his attentions upon me, that was all I did know of the private life of waiters, though I have been in the club for twenty years. I was even unaware whether they slept downstairs or had their own homes, nor had I the interest to inquire of other members, nor they the knowledge to inform me. I felt that this sort of people should be fed and clothed and given airing and wives and children, and I subscribed yearly, I believe, for these purposes. But to come into closer relation with waiters is bad form. They are club fittings, and William should have kept his distress to himself, or taken it away and patched it up like a rent in one of the chairs. His inconsiderateness has been a pair of spectacles to me for months. It is not correct taste to know the name of a club waiter, so I must apologize for knowing William's, and still more for not forgetting it. If, again, to speak of a waiter is bad form, to speak bitterly is the comic degree of it. But William has disappointed me sorely. There were years when I would defer dining several minutes that he might wait on me. His pains to reserve the window seat for me were perfectly satisfactory. I allowed him privileges, as to suggest dishes, and would give him information, as that someone had startled me in the reading room by slamming a door. I have shown him how I cut my finger with a piece of string. Obviously he was gratified by these attentions, usually recommending a liquor. And I fancy he must have understood my sufferings, for he often looked ill himself. Probably he was rheumatic, but I cannot say for certain, as I never thought of asking, and he had the sense to see that the knowledge would be offensive to me. In the smoking-room we have a waiter so independent that once, when he brought me a yellow chartreuse, and I said I had ordered green, he replied, No, sir, you said yellow. William could never have been guilty of such effrontery. In appearance, of course, he is mean, but I can no more describe him than a milkmaid could draw cows. I suppose we distinguish one waiter from another, much as we pick our hat from the rack. We could have plotted a murder safely before William. He never presumed to have any opinions of his own. When such was my mood he remained silent, and if I announced that something diverting had happened to me, he laughed before I told him what it was. He turned at the twinkle in his eye, off or on, at my bidding, as readily as if it was the gas. To my, sure to be wet tomorrow, he would reply, Yes, sir. And to Trelawney's, it doesn't look like rain, two minutes afterward, he would reply, No, sir. It was one member who said Lightning Rod would win the derby, and another who said Lightning Rod had no chance, but it was William who agreed with both. He was like a charoute which may be smoked from either end, so used was I to him that had he died or got another situation, or whatever it is such persons do when they disappear from the club, I should probably have told the head waiter to bring him back as I disliked changes. It would not become me to know precisely when I began to think William an ingrate, but I date his lapse from the evening when he brought me oysters. I detest oysters, and no one knew it better than William. He has agreed with me that he could not understand any gentlemen's liking them. Between me and a certain member who smacks his lips twelve times to a dozen of them, William knew I liked a screen to be placed until we had reached the soup, and yet he gave me the oysters and the other man my sardine. Both the other member and I quickly called for Brandy and the head waiter. To do William justice he shook, but never can I forget his audacious explanation. Beg pardon, sir, but I was thinking of something else. In these words William had flung off the mask, and now I knew him for what he was. I must not be accused of bad form for looking at William on the following evening. What prompted me to do so was not personal interest in him, but a desire to see whether I dare let him wait on me again. So recalling that a caster was off a chair yesterday, one is entitled to make sure that it is on to-day before sitting down. If the expression is not too strong, I may say that I was taken aback by William's manner. Even when crossing the room to take my orders he let his one hand play nervously with the other. I had to repeat sardine on toast twice. Instead of answering yes, sir, as if my selection of sardine on toast was a personal gratification to him, which is the manner one expects of a waiter, he glanced at the clock, then out at the window and, starting, asked, Did you say sardine on toast, sir? It was the height of summer when London smells like a chemist's shop, and he who has the dinner table at the window needs no candles to show him his knife and fork. I lay back at intervals, now watching a starved-looking woman sleep on a doorstep, and again complaining of the club bananas. By and by I saw a girl of the commonest kind, ill-clad and dirty as all these Arabs are. Their parents should be compelled to feed and clothe them comfortably, or at least to keep them indoors, where they cannot offend our eyes. Such children are for pushing aside with one's umbrella. But this girl I noticed because she was gazing at the club windows. She had stood thus for perhaps ten minutes when I became aware that someone was leaning over me to look out at the window. I turned round, conceived my indignation on seeing that the rude person was William. How dare you, William! I said sternly. He seemed not to hear me. Let me tell you in the measured words of one describing a past incident what then took place. To get nearer the window he pressed heavily on my shoulder. William, you forget yourself. I said, meaning as I see now that he had forgotten me. I heard him gulp, but not to my reprimand. He was scanning the street. His hands chattered on my shoulder and pushing him from me. I saw that his mouth was a gate. What are you looking for? I asked. He stared at me, and then, like one who had at last heard the echo of my question, seemed to be brought back to the club. He turned his face from me for an instant and answered shakily. I beg your pardon, sir. I—I shouldn't have done it. Are the bananas too ripe, sir? He recommended the nuts and awaited my verdict so anxiously while I ate one that I was about to speak graciously when I again saw his eyes drag him to the window. William, I said, my patience giving way at last, I disliked being waited on by a melancholy waiter. Yes, sir, he replied, trying to smile, and then broke out passionately. For God's sake, sir, tell me, have you seen a little girl looking in at the club windows? He had been a good waiter once, and his distracted visage was spoiling my dinner. There, I said, pointing to the girl, and no doubt would have added that he must bring me coffee instantly had he continued to listen, but already he was beckoning to the child. I have not the least interest in her. Indeed, it had never struck me that waiters had private affairs, and I still think it a pity that they should have, but as I happened to be looking out at the window I could not avoid seeing what occurred. As soon as the girl saw William she ran into the street, regardless of vehicles, and nodded three times to him. Then she disappeared. I have said that she was quite a common child without attraction of any sort, and yet it was amazing the difference she made in William. He gasped relief, like one who had broken through the anxiety that checks breathing, and into his face there came a silly laugh of happiness. I had dined well on the whole, so I said, I am glad to see you cheerful again, William. I meant that I approved his cheerfulness because it helped my digestion, but he must needs think I was sympathizing with him. Thank you, sir, he answered. Oh, sir, when she nodded, and I saw it was all right, I could have gone down on my knees to God. I was as much horrified as if he had dropped a plate on my toes. Even William, disgracefully emotional as he was at the moment, flung out his arms to recall the shameful words. Coffee, William, I said sharply. I sipped my coffee indignantly, for it was plain to me that William had something on his mind. You are not vexed with me, sir? He had the hardy-hood to whisper. It was a liberty, I said. I know, sir, but I was beside myself. That was a liberty also. He hesitated and then blurted out, It is my wife, sir, she—I stopped him with my hand. William, whom I had favored in so many ways, was a married man. I might have guessed as much years before had I ever reflected about waiters, for I knew vaguely that his class did this sort of thing. His confession was distasteful to me. And I said, warningly, Remember where you are, William. Yes, sir, but you see, she is so delicate. Delicate? I forbid you speaking to me on unpleasant topics. Yes, sir, begging your pardon. It was characteristic of William to beg my pardon and withdraw his wife, like some unsuccessful dish, as if its taste would not remain in the mouth. I shall be chided for questioning him further about his wife, but, though doubtless an unusual step, it was only bad form superficially, for my motive was irreproachable. I inquired for his wife, not because I was interested in her welfare, but in the hope of allaying my irritation. So I am entitled to invite the Wayfarer, who has bespattered me with mud, to scrape it off. I desired to be told by William that the girl's signals meant his wife's recovery to health. He should have seen that such was my wish, and answered accordingly. But with the brutal inconsiderateness of his class, he said, she has had a good day, but the doctor, he, the doctor, is afraid she's dying. Already I repented my questions. William and his wife seemed in league against me, when they might so easily have chosen some other member. Who, the doctor, I said? Yes, sir, he answered. Have you been married long, William? Eight years, sir. Eight years ago she was, I, I mined her when, and now the doctor says, the fellow gaped at me. More coffee, sir, he asked. What is her ailment? She was always one of the delicate kind, but full of spirit, and, and you see, she has had a baby lately, William. And she, I, the doctor, is afraid she's not picking up. I feel sure she will pick up. Yes, sir? It must have been the wine I had drunk that made me tell him. I was once married, William. My wife, it was just such a case as yours. She did not get better, sir? No. After a pause he said, thank you, sir, meaning for the sympathy that made me tell him that, but it must have been the wine. That little girl comes here with a message from your wife. Yes, if she nods three times it means my wife is a little better. She nodded thrice today. But she is told to do that to relieve me, and maybe those nods don't tell the truth. Is she your girl? No, we have none but the baby. She's a neighbor. She comes twice a day. It is heartless of her parents not to send her every hour. But she is six years old, he said, and has a house and two sisters to look after in the daytime and a dinner to cook. Gentle folk don't understand. I suppose you live in some low part, William? Off-druary laying, he answered, flushing. But it isn't low. You see, we were never used to anything better, and I mind when I let her see the house before we were married she—she—a sort of cried because she was so proud of it. That was eight years ago, and now she's a feared she'll die when I'm away at my work. Did she tell you that? Never. She always says she's feeling a little stronger. Then how can you know she is afraid of that? I don't know how, sir, but when I am leaving the house in the morning I look at her from the door and she looks at me and then I—I know. A green chartreuse, William. I tried to forget William's vulgar story in Billiards, but he had spoiled my game. My opponent, to whom I can give twenty, ran out when I was sixty-seven and I put aside my cue, pettishly. That in itself was bad form, but what would they have thought had they known that a waiter's impertence caused it? I grew angrier with William as the night wore on, and the next day I punished him by giving my orders through another waiter. As I had my window seat I could not but see that the girl was late again. Somehow I dobbled over my coffee. I had an evening paper before me, but there was so little in it that my eyes found more of interest in the street. It did not matter to me whether William's wife died, but when that girl had promised to come why did she not come? These lower classes only give their word to break it. The coffee was undrinkable. At last I saw her. William was at another window pretending to do something with the curtains. I stood up pressing closer to the window. The coffee had been so bad that I felt shaky. She nodded three times and smiled. She is a little better, William whispered to me almost gaily. Whom are you speaking of? I asked coldly and immediately retired to the billiard room where I played a capital game. The coffee was much better there than in the dining room. Several days passed and I took care to show William that I had forgotten his monderings. I chanced to see the little girl, though I never looked for her, every evening. And she always nodded three times, save once when she shook her head, and then William's face grew white as a napkin. I remember this incident because that night I could not get into a pocket. So badly did I play that the thought of it kept me awake in bed and that again made me wonder how William's wife was. Next day I went to the club early, which was not my custom, to see the new books. Being in the club at any rate, I looked into the dining room to ask William if I had left my gloves there and the sight of him reminded me of his wife. So I asked for her. He shook his head mournfully and I went off in a rage. So accustomed am I to the club that when I dine elsewhere I feel uncomfortable the next morning as if I had missed a dinner. William knew this, yet here he was, hounding me out of the club. That evening I dined, as the saying is, at a restaurant where no sauce was served with the asparagus. Furthermore, as if that were not triumph enough for William, his doleful face came between me and every dish. And I seemed to see his wife dying to annoy me. I dined next day at the club for self-preservation, taking however a table in the middle of the room and engaging a waiter who had once nearly poisoned me by not interfering when I put two lumps of sugar into my coffee instead of one, which is my allowance. But no William came to me to acknowledge his humiliation and by and by I became aware that he was not in the room. Suddenly the thought struck me that his wife must be dead and I, it was the worst cooked and worst served dinner I ever had in the club. I tried the smoking room. Usually the talk there is entertaining, but on that occasion it was so frivolous that I did not remain five minutes. In the card room a member told me excitedly that a policeman had spoken rudely to him and my strange comment was, after all, it is a small matter. In the library where I had not been for years I found two members asleep and, to my surprise, William on a ladder dusting books. Have you not heard, sir? He said in answer to my raised eyebrows. Descending the ladder he whispered tragically, it was last evening, sir. I lost my head and I swore at a member. I stepped back from William and glanced apprehensively at the two members. They still slept. I hardly knew, William went on, what I was doing all day yesterday, for I had left my wife so weakly that I stamped my foot. I beg your pardon for speaking of her. He had the grace to say. But I couldn't help slipping up to the window often yesterday to look for Jenny. And when she did come and I saw she was crying it sort of confused me and I didn't know right, sir, what I was doing. I hid against a member, Mr. Middleton Finch, and he jumped and swore at me. Well, sir, I had just touched him after all and I was so miserable. It kind of stung me to be treated like like that and me a man as well as him and I lost my senses and and I swore back. William's shamed head sank on his chest. But I even let pass his insolence in legging himself to a member of the club so afraid was I of the sleepers waking and detecting me in talk with a waiter. For the love of God, William cried with coarse emotion, don't let them dismiss me. Speak lower, I said. Who sent you here? I was turned out of the dining room at once and told to attend to the library until they had decided what to do with me. Oh, sir, I'll lose my place. He was blubbering as if a change of waiters was a matter of importance. This is very bad, William, I said. I fear I can do nothing for you. Have mercy on a distractive man, he entreated. I'll go on my knees to Mr. Middleton Finch. How could I but despise a fellow who would be thus abject for a pound a week? I dare not tell her, he continued, that I have lost my place. She would just fall back and die. I forbade your speaking of your wife, I said sharply, unless you can speak pleasantly of her. But she may be worse now, sir, and I cannot even see Jenny from here. The library windows look to the back. If she dies, I said, it will be a warning to you to marry a stronger woman next time. Now everyone knows that there is little real affection among the lower orders. As soon as they have lost one mate, they take another. Yet William, forgetting our relative positions, drew himself up and raised his fist, and if I had not stepped back I swear he would have struck me. The highly improper words William used I will omit out of consideration for him. Even while he was apologizing for them, I retired to the smoking-room, where I found the cigarettes so badly rolled that they would not keep alight. After a little I remembered that I wanted to see Middleton Finch about an improved saddle of which a friend of his has the patent. He was in the newsroom, and having questioned him about the saddle, I said, by the way, what is this story about you're swearing at one of the waiters? You mean about his swearing at me, Middleton Finch replied, reddening. I'm glad that was it, I said, for I could not believe you guilty of such bad form. If I did swear, he was beginning, but I went on. The version which has reached me was that you swore at him and he repeated the word. I heard he was to be dismissed and you reprimanded. Who told you that? asked Middleton Finch, who is a timid man. I forget it is club talk, I replied lightly, but of course the committee will take your word. The waiter, whichever one he is, richly deserves his dismissal for insulting you without provocation. Then our talk returned to the saddle, but Middleton Finch was abstracted, and presently he said, Do you know, I fancy I was wrong in thinking that the waiter swore at me, and I'll withdraw my charge tomorrow. Middleton Finch then left me and, sitting alone, I realized that I had been doing William a service. To some slight extent I may have intentionally helped him to retain his place in the club, and I now see the reason which was that he alone knows precisely to what extent I like my claret heated. For a mere second I remember William's remark that he should not be able to see the girl Jenny from the library windows. Then this recollection drove from my head that I had only dined in the sense that my dinner bill was paid. Returning to the dining room I happened to take my chair at the window, and while I was eating a deviled kidney I saw in the street the girl who's not had such an absurd effect on William. The children of the poor are as thoughtless as their parents, and this Jenny did not sign to the windows in the hope that William might see her, though she could not see him. Her face, which was disgracefully dirty, bore doubt and dismay on it, but whether she brought good news it would not tell. Somehow I had expected her to signal when she saw me, and though her message could not interest me I was in the mood in which one is irritated at that not taking place which he is awaiting. Ultimately she seemed to be making up her mind to go away. A boy was passing with the evening papers, and I hurried out to get one, rather thoughtlessly, for we have all the papers in the club. Unfortunately I misunderstood the direction the boy had taken, but round the first corner, out of sight of the club windows I saw the girl Jenny, and so asked her how William's wife was. Did he send you to me? She replied, impertinently, taking me for a waiter. My, she added, after a second scrutiny. I believe you're one of them. His misses is a bit better, and I was to tell him as she took all the tapioca. Could you tell him? I asked. I was to do like this, she replied, and went through the supping of something out of a plate in dumb show. That would not show that she ate all the tapioca, I said, but I was to end like this, she answered, licking an imaginary plate with her tongue. I gave her a shilling to get rid of her, and returned to the club disgusted. Later in the evening I had to go to the club library for a book, and while William was looking in vain for it, I had forgotten the title, I said to him, by the way, William, Mr. Middleton Finch is to tell the committee that he was mistaken in the charge he brought against you, so you will doubtless be restored to the dining-room tomorrow. The two members were still in their chairs, probably sleeping at the frontery to thank me. Don't thank me, I said, blushing at the imputation. Remember your place, William. But Mr. Middleton Finch knew I swore, he insisted. A gentleman, I replied stiffly, cannot remember for twenty-four hours what a waiter has said to him. No, sir, but to stop him I had to say, and, uh, William, your wife is a little better. She has eaten the tapioca, all of it. How can you know, sir, by an accident? Jenny signed to the window? No. Then you saw her and went out and nonsense. Oh, sir, to do that for me, may God, William, forgive me, sir, but when I tell my Mrs. she will say it was thought of your own wife has made you do it, he wrung my hand. I dared not withdraw it lest we should wake in the sleepers. William returned to the dining-room, and I had to show him that if he did not cease looking gratefully at me I must change my waiter. I also ordered him to stop telling me nightly how his wife was, but I continued to know, as I could not help seeing the girl Jenny in the window. Twice in a week I learned from this objectionable child that the ailing woman had again eaten all the tapioca. Then I became suspicious of William. I will tell why. It began with a remark of Captain Upjohn's we had been speaking of the inconvenience of not being able to get a hot dish served after 1 a.m. of these lazy waiters would strike. If the beggars had a love of their work they would not rush away from the club the moment 1 o'clock strikes. That glum fellow, who often waits on you, takes to his heels the moment he is clear of the club's steps. He ran into me the other night at the top of the street and was off without apologizing. You mean the foot of the street Upjohn, I said, for such is the way to go? No, I mean the top. The man was running west. East. West. I smiled, which so annoyed him that he bet me two to one in sovereigns. The bet could have been decided most quickly by asking William a question. But I thought, foolishly doubtless, that it might hurt his feelings. So I watched him leave the club. The possibility of Upjohn's had seemed remote to me. Conceived my surprise, therefore, when William went westward. Amazed, I pursued him along two streets without realizing that I was doing so. Then curiosity put me into a handsome. We followed William, and it proved to be a three-shelling fare for running when he was in breath and walking when he was out of it, he took me to west Kensington. I discharged my cab, and from across the street watched William's incomprehensible behavior. He had stopped at a dingy row of workmen's houses and knocked at the darkened window of one of them. Presently a light showed. So far as I could see someone pulled up the blind and for ten minutes talked to William. I was uncertain whether they talked before the window was not open, and I felt that had William spoken through the glass loud enough to be heard inside, I must have heard him too. Yet he nodded and beckoned. I was still bewildered when, by setting off the way he had come, he gave me the opportunity of going home. Knowing from the talk of the club what the lower orders are, could I doubt that this was some discreditable love affair of William's? His solicitude for his wife had been mere pretense. So far as it was genuine it meant that he feared she might recover. He probably told her that he was detained nightly in the club till three. I was miserable next day and blamed the deviled kidneys for it. Whether William was unfaithful to his wife was nothing to me, but I had reasons for insisting on his going straight home from his club. The one that, as he had made me lose a bet, I must punish him. The other that he could wait upon me better if he went to bed be times. Yet I did not question him. There was something in his face that, well, I seemed to see his dying wife in it. I was so out of sorts that I could go to dinner. I left the club. Happening to stand for some time at the foot of the street I chanced to see the girl Jenny coming and no, let me tell the truth though the whole club reads. I was waiting for her. How is William's wife today? I asked. She told me to nod three times. The little slattern replied. But she looked like nothing but a dead one till she got brandy. Hush, child, I said, shocked. You don't know how the dead look. Bless your, she answered. Don't I just, why, I've helped to lay him out. I'm going on seven. Is William good to his wife? Of course he is. Ain't she as Mrs. Why should that make him good to her? I asked cynically out of my knowledge of the poor. But the girl, precocious in many ways, never had an opportunity of studying the lower classes in newspapers, fiction, and club talk. She shut one eye and, looking up wonderingly, said, ain't you green just? When does William reach home at night? Hey, night, it's morning. When I wakes up at half dark and half light and hears a door shutting, I know as it's either father going off to his work or Mr. Hicking coming home from his. Who is Mr. Hicking? Him as we've been speaking on, William. We call him Mr. because he's a toff. Fathers just doing jobs in coven gardens, but Mr. Hicking, he's a waiter and a clean shirt every day. The old woman would like father to be a waiter, but he ain't got the aristocratic look. What, old woman? Go long, that's my mother. Is it true there's a waiter in the club just for to open the door? Yes, but and another just for to lick the snaps? My. William leaves the club at one o'clock, I said interrogatively. She nodded. My mother, she said, is one to talk, and she says Mr. Hicking, as he should get away at twelve, because his missus needs him more than the old woman need him. The old woman do talk. And what does William answer to that? He says, as the gentleman can't be kept waiting for the cheese. But William does not go straight home when he leaves the club. That's the kid. Kid, I echoed, scarcely understanding, for knowing how little the poor love their children, I had asked William no questions about the baby. You know his missus had a kid? Yes, but that is no excuse for Williams staying away from his sick wife, I answered sharply. A baby in such a home as Williams, I reflected, must be trying, but still besides his class can sleep through any din. The kid ain't in our court, the girl explained. He's in W, he is, and I've never been out of WC, at least wise, not as I knows on. This is W. I suppose you mean that the child is at West Kensington. Well, no doubt it was better for Williams' wife to get rid of the child. Better, interposed the girl. Taint better for her not to have the kid. Ain't her not having him what she's always thinking on when she looks like a dead one? How could you know that? Cause, answered the girl, illustrating her words with a gesture. I watches her and I see her arms going in this way, just like as she wanted to hug her kid. Possibly, you are right, I said frowning, but Williams had put the child out to nurse because it disturbed his night's rest. A man who has his work to do, you are green. Then why have the mother and child be separated? Along with that her measles, near all the youngins in our court, hasn't bad. Have you had them? I said the youngins. And Williams sent the baby to West Kensington to escape infection. Took him, he did. Against his wife's wishes? Now? You said she was dying for want of the child? Wouldn't she rather die than have the kid die? Don't speak so heartlessly, child. Why does William not go straight home from the club? Does he go to West Kensington to see it? Taint a hit. It's an E. Of course he do. Then he should not. His wife has the first claim on him. Ain't you green? It's his misses as wants him to go. Do you think she could sleep till she know the kid was? But he does not go into the house at West Kensington? Is he soft? Of course he don't go in. Fear of taking the infection to the kid. They just hold the kid up at the window. So as he can have a good look. Then he comes home and tells his misses. He sits for the bed and tells. And that takes place every night. He can't have much to tell. He has just. He can only say whether the child is well or ill. My, he tells what a difference there is in the kid since he's seen him last. There can be no difference. Go long. Ain't a kid always growing? Haven't Mr. Hicking to tell how the hair is getting darker and heaps of things besides? Such as what? Like when he larfed. And if he has her nose and how is he not him? He tells her them things more than once. And all this time he is sitting at the foot of the bed. Except when he holds her hand. But when does he get to bed himself? He don't get much. He tells her as he has a sleep at the club. He cannot say that. Ain't I heard him? But he do go to his bed a bit and then both lies quiet. Her pretending she's sleeping so as he can sleep. And him feared to sleep. Casey shouldn't wake up to give her the bottle stuff. What does the doctor say about her? He's a good one, the doctor. Sometimes he says she would get better if she could see the kid through the window. Nonsense. And if she was took to the country. Then why does not William take her? My you are green. And if she drank port wines. Doesn't she? No, but William he tells her about the gentleman drinking them. On the 10th day after my conversation with this unattractive child I was in my broom with the windows up. And I sat back, a paper before my face, lest anyone should look in. Naturally I was afraid of being seen in company of William's wife and Jenny, for men about town are uncharitable. And despite the explanation I had ready, might have charged me with pitying William. As a matter of fact, William was sending his wife into Surrey to stay with an old nurse of mine and I was driving her down because my horses needed an outing. Besides, I was going that way at any rate. I had arranged that the girl Jenny, who was wearing an outrageous bonnet, should accompany us, because knowing the greed of her class I feared she might blackmail me at the club. William joined us in the suburbs bringing the baby with him, as I had foreseen they would all be occupied with it, and to save me the trouble of conversing with them. Mrs. Hicking I found to pale and fragile for a workingman's and I formed a mean opinion of her intelligence from her pride in the baby, which was a very ordinary one. She created quite a vulgar scene when it was brought to her though she had given me her word not to do so, what irritated me even more than her tears being her ill-bred apology, that she had been feared baby wouldn't know her again. I would have told her they didn't know anyone for years had I not been afraid of the girl Jenny who dandled the infant on her knees and talked to it as if it understood. She kept me on tenterhooks by asking it offensive questions, such as ooh, no, who give me that bonnet? and answering them herself. It was the pretty gentleman there and several times I had to affect sleep because she announced kitty wants to kiss the pretty gentleman irksome as all this necessarily was to a man of taste I suffered even more when we reached our destination. As we drove through the village the girl Jenny uttered shrieks of delight at the sight of flowers growing up the cottage walls and declared they were just like a musical without the drink license. As my horses required a rest I was forced to abandon my intention of dropping these persons at their lodgings and returning to town at once and I could not go to the inn lest I should meet inquisitive acquaintances. Disagreeable circumstances therefore compelled me to take tea with a waiters family close to a window too through which I could see the girl Jenny talking excitedly to the villagers and telling them, I felt certain that I had been good to William. I had a desire to go out and put myself right with these people. William's long connection with the club should have given him some manners but apparently his class cannot take them on for though he knew I regarded his thanks as an insult he looked them when he was not and hardly had he sat down by my orders then he remembered that I was a member of the club and jumped up nothing is in worse form than whispering yet again and again when he thought I was not listening he whispered to Mrs. Hicking you don't feel faint or how are you now he was also in extravagant glee because she ate two cakes it takes so little to put these people in good spirits and when she said she felt like another being already the fellows face charged me with the change I could not but conclude from the way Mrs. Hicking let the baby pound her that she was stronger than she had pretended I remained longer than was necessary because I had something to say to William which I knew he would misunderstand I put off saying it but when he announced that it was time for him to return to London at which his wife suddenly paled so that he had to sign to her not to break down I delivered the message William I said the head waiter asked me to say that you could take a fortnight's holiday just now your wedges will be paid as usual confound them William had me by the hand and his wife was in tears before I could reach the door is it you're doing again sir William cried William I said fiercely we owe everything to you he insisted the port wine because I had no room for it in my cellar the money for the nurse in London because I objected to being waited on by a man who got no sleep these lodgings because I wanted to do something for my old nurse and now sir a fortnight's holiday goodbye William I said in a fury but before I could get away Mrs. Hicking signed to William to leave the room and then she kissed my hand she said something to me it was about my wife somehow I had business at William to tell her about my wife they are all back in Drury Lane now and William tells me that his wife sings at her work just as she did eight years ago I have no interest in this and try to check his talk of it but such people have no sense of propriety and he even speaks of the girl Jenny who sent me lately a gaudy pair of worsted gloves worked by her own hand and the message they took of my weakness however was in calling their baby after me I have an uncomfortable suspicion too that William has given the other waiters his version of the affair but I feel safe so long as it does not reach the committee end of section one section two of stories by English authors London by Various I have said myself the task of relating in the course of this story without suppressing or altering a single detail the most painful and humiliating episode of my life I do this not because it will give me the least pleasure but simply because it affords me an opportunity of extenuating myself I do this because it will give me the least pleasure but simply because it will give me the opportunity of extenuating myself which has hitherto been wholly denied to me as a general rule I am quite aware that to publish a lengthy explanation of one's conduct in any questionable transaction is not the best means of recovering a lost reputation but in my own case there is one to whom I shall never more be permitted in the mouth even if I found myself able to attempt it and as she could not possibly think worse of me than she does at present I write this knowing it can do me no harm and faintly hoping that it may come to her notice and suggest a doubt whether I am quite so unscrupulous a villain so consummate a hypocrite the bare chance of such a result makes me perfectly indifferent to all else I cheerfully expose to the derision of the whole reading world the story of my weakness and my shame since by doing so I may possibly rehabilitate myself somewhat in the good opinion of one person having said so much I will begin my confession my name is Algernon Weatherhead and I may add that I am in one of the government departments that I am an only son and live at home with my mother we had had a house at Hammersmith until just before the period covered by this history when our lease expiring my mother decided that my health required country air at the close of the day and so we took a desirable villa residence on one of the many new building estates which have lately sprung up in such profusion in the home counties we have called it Wisteria Villa it is a pretty little place the last of a row of detached villas each with its tiny rustic carriage gate and gravel sweep in front and lawn enough for a tennis court behind which lines the road leading over the hill to the railway station I could certainly have wished that our landlord, shortly after giving us the agreement could have found some other place to hang himself in than one of our attics for the consequence was that housemaid left us in violent hysterics about every two months having learned the tragedy from the trades people finally seeing a something immediately afterward still it is a pleasant house and I can now almost forgive the landlord for what I shall always consider an act of gross selfishness on his part in the country even so near town a next door neighbor is something more than a mere numeral he is a possible acquaintance who will at least consider a newcomer as worth the experiment of a call I soon knew that shutter garden the next house to our own was occupied by a Colonel Curry a retired Indian officer and often as across the low boundary wall I caught a glimpse of a graceful girlish figure flitting about among the rose bushes in the neighboring garden I would lose myself in pleasant anticipations of a time not too far distant when the wall which separated us would be metaphorically leveled I remember ah how vividly the thrill of excitement with which I heard from my mother on returning from town one evening that the Curry's had called and seemed disposed to be all that was neighborly and kind I remember too the Sunday afternoon on which I returned their call alone as my mother had already done so during the week I was standing on the steps of the Colonel's villa waiting for the door to open when I was startled by a furious snarling and yapping behind and looking round discovered a large poodle in the act of making for my legs he was a cold black poodle with half of his right ear gone and absurd little thick mustaches at the end of his nose he was shaved in the sham lion fashion which is considered for some mysterious reason to improve a poodle but the barber had left sundry little tufts of hair which studded his haunches capriciously I could not help being reminded as I looked at him which foused entertained for a short time with unhappy results and I thought that a very moderate degree of incantation would be enough to bring the fiend out of this brute he made me intensely uncomfortable for I am of a slightly nervous temperament with a constitutional horror of dogs and a liability to attacks of diffidence on performing the ordinary social rights under the most favorable conditions and certainly the consciousness that a strange and apparently savage dog was engaged in worrying the heels of my boots was the reverse of reassuring the curry family received me with all possible kindness so charmed to make your acquaintance Mr. Weatherhead said Mrs. Curry as I shook hands I see she added pleasantly you've brought the doggie in with you as a matter of fact I had brought the doggie in at the ends of my coat tails but it was evidently no unusual occurrence for visitors to appear in this undignified manner for she detached him quite as a matter of course and as soon as I was sufficiently collected we fell into conversation I discovered that the Colonel and his wife were childless and this slender willowy figure I had seen across the garden wall was that of Lillian Roseblade their niece and adopted daughter she came into the room shortly afterward and I felt as I went through the form of an introduction that her sweet fresh face shaded by soft masses of dusky brown hair more than justified all the dreamy hopes and fancies with which I had looked forward to that moment she talked to me in a pretty confidential appealing way which I have heard her dearest friends censure as childish and affected but I thought then that her manner had an indescribable charm and fascination about it and the memory of it makes my heart ache now with a pang that is not all pain even before the Colonel made his appearance I had begun to see that my enemy the poodle occupied an exceptional position in that household it was abundantly clear by the time I took my leave he seemed to be the center of their domestic system and even lovely Lillian revolved contentedly around him as a kind of satellite he could do no wrong in his owner's eyes his prejudices and he was a narrow-minded animal were rigorously respected and all domestic arrangements were made with a primary view to his convenience I may be wrong but I cannot think that it is wise to put any poodle upon such a pedestal as that how this one in particular as ordinary a quadruped as ever breathed had contrived to impose thus upon his infatuated proprietors I never could understand but so it was he even and grossed the chief part of the conversation which after any lull seemed to veer round to him by a sort of natural law I had to endure a long biographical sketch of him what a society paper would call an anecdotal photo and each fresh anecdote seemed to me to exhibit the depraved malignity of the beast in a more glaring light and render the doting admiration of the family more astounding than ever did you tell Mr. Weatherhead lily about bingo bingo was the poodles preposterous name and tax no oh I must tell him that it'll make him laugh tax is our gardener down in the village do you know tax well tax was up here the other day nailing up some trellis work at the top of a ladder and all the time there was master bingo sitting quietly at the foot of it looking on wouldn't leave it on any account tax said he was quite company for him well at last when tax had finished and was coming down what do you think that rascal there did just sneaked quietly up behind and nipped him in both calves and off been looking out for that the whole time haha deep that a I agreed with an inward shutter that it was very deep thinking privately that if this was a specimen of bingo's usual treatment of the natives it would be odd if he did not find himself still deeper before probably just before he died poor faithful to doggy murmured mrs. curry he thought tax was a nasty burglar didn't he he wasn't going to see master robbed was he capital house dog sir struck in the colonel I shall never forget how he made poor heavy sides run for it the other day ever met heavy sides of the Bombay fusiliers well heavy sides was staying here and the dog met him one morning as he was coming down from the bathroom didn't recognize him in pajamas and a dressing gown of course and made at him he kept poor old heavy sides outside the landing window on top of the cistern for a quarter of an hour till I had to come and raise the siege such were the stories of that abandoned dog's blunder headed ferocity to which I was forced to listen while all the time the brute sat opposite me on the hearth rug blinking at me from under his shaggy mane with his evil bleared eyes and deliberating where he would have me when I rose to go this was the beginning of an intimacy which soon displaced all ceremony it was very pleasant to go in there after dinner even to sit with the colonel over his claret and hear more stories about bingo for afterward I could go into the pretty drawing room and take my tea from Lillian's hands and listen while she played Schubert to us in the summer twilight the poodle was always in the way to be sure but even his ugly black head seemed to lose some of its ugliness and ferocity when Lillian laid her pretty hand on it on the whole I think that the curry family were well disposed the colonel considering me as a harmless specimen of the average eligible young man which I certainly was and Mrs. Curry showing me favour for my mother's sake for whom she had taken a strong liking as for Lillian I believed I saw that she soon suspected the state of my feelings toward her and was not displeased by it I looked forward with some hopefulness to a day I could declare myself with no fear of a repulse but it was a serious obstacle in my path that I could not secure Bingo's good opinion on any terms the family would often lament this pathetically themselves you see Mrs. Curry would observe in apology Bingo is a dog that does not attach himself easily to strangers though for that matter I thought he was only ready to attach himself to me I did try hard to conciliate him I brought him propitiatory buns which was weak and ineffectual as he ate them with avidity and hated me as bitterly as ever for he had conceived from the first a profound contempt for me and a distrust which no blandishments of mine could remove looking back now I am inclined to think it was a static instinct that warned him of what was to come upon him through my instrumentality only his approbation was wanting to establish for me a firm footing with the Currys and perhaps determine Lillian's wavering heart in my direction but though I wooed that inflexible pool with an aciduity I blushed to remember he remained obstinately firm still day by day Lillian's treatment of me was more encouraging day by day I gained in the esteem of her uncle and aunt I began to hope that soon I should be able to disregard canine influence altogether now there was one inconvenience about our villa besides its flavor of suicide which it is necessary to mention here by common consent all the cats of the neighborhood had selected our garden for their evening reunions I fancy that a tortoise shell kitchen cat of ours must have been a sort of leader of local feline society I know she was at home with music and recitations on most evenings my poor mother found this to interfere with her after dinner nap and no wonder for if a cohort of ghosts had been shrieking and squealing as Calpurnia puts it in our back garden or it had been fitted up as a crush for a nursery of goblin infants in the agonies of teething the noise could not possibly have been more unearthly we sought for some means of getting rid of the nuisance there was poison of course but we thought it would have an invidious appearance to legal difficulties if each dawn were to discover an assortment of cats expiring in hideous convulsions in various parts of the same garden fire arms too were open to objection and would scarcely assist my mother's slumbers so for some time we were at a loss for a remedy at last one day walking down the strand I chanced to see an evil hour what struck me as the very thing it was an air gun of superior construction displayed in a gunsmith's window I went in at once purchased it and took it home in triumph it would be noiseless and would reduce the local average of cats without scandal one or two examples and feline fashion would soon migrate to a more precluded spot I lost no time in putting this to the proof that same evening I lay in wait after dusk at the study window protecting my mother's repose as soon as I heard the long drawn whale the preliminary sputter and the wild stampede that followed I let fly in the direction of the sound I suppose I must have something of the national sporting instinct in me for my blood was tingling with excitement but the feline constitution assimilates lead without serious inconvenience and I began to fear that no trophy would remain to bear witness to my marksmanship but all at once I made out a dark indistinct form slinking in from behind the bushes I waited till it crossed a belt of light that kitchen below me and then I took careful aim and pulled the trigger this time at least I had not failed there was a smothered yell a rustle and then silence again I ran out with the calm pride of a successful revenge to bring in the body of my victim and I found underneath a laurel no predatory tomcat but as the discerning reader will no doubt have foreseen long since the quivering carcass of the colonel's black poodle I intend to set down here the exact unvarnished truth and I confess that at first when I knew what I had done I was not sorry I was quite innocent of any intention of doing it but I felt no regret I even laughed madman that I was at the thought that there was the end of bingo at all events that impediment was removed my weary task of conciliation was over forever but soon the reaction came I realized the tremendous nature of my deed and shuddered I had done that which might banish me from Lillian's side forever a kind of sacred beast the animal around which the curry household had read their choicest affections how was I to break it to them should I send bingo in with a card tied to his neck and my regrets and compliments that was too much like a present of gain ought I not to carry him in myself I would read him in the best crepe I would put on black for him the curries would hardly consider a taper and a white sheet or sack cloth and ashes an excessive form of atonement but I could not grovel to quite such an abject extent I wondered what the Colonel would say simple and hearty as a general rule he had a hot temper on occasions and it made me ill as I thought would he and worse still would Lillian believe it was really an accident they knew what an interest I had in silencing the deceased poodle would they believe the simple truth I vowed that they should believe me my genuine remorse and the absence of all concealment on my part would speak powerfully for me I would choose a favorable time for my confession that very evening I would tell all still I shrank from the duty for me and as I knelt down sorrowfully by the dead form and respectfully composed his stiffening limbs I thought that it was unjust of fate to place a well-meaning man whose nerves were not of iron in such a position then to my horror I heard a well-known ringing tramp on the road outside and spelled the peculiar fragrance of a Burmese charoute it was the Colonel himself who had been taking out the doomed bingo for his usual evening run I don't know how it was exactly but a sudden panic came over me I held my breath and tried to crouch down unseen behind the laurels but he had seen me and came over at once to speak to me across the hedge he stood there not two yards from his favorite's body fortunately it was unusually dark that evening ha there you are a he began heartily don't rise my boy don't rise I was trying to put myself in front of the poodle and did not rise at least only my hair did you're out late ain't you he went on laying out your garden hey I could not tell him that I was laying out his poodle my voice shook as with a guilty confusion that was veiled by the dusk I said it was a fine evening which it was not cloudy sir said the Colonel cloudy rain before morning I think by the way have you seen anything of bingo in here this was the turning point what I ought to have done was to say mournfully yes I'm sorry to say I've had a most unfortunate accident with him here he is the fact is I'm afraid I've shot him but I couldn't I could have told him at my own time in a prepared form of words but not then I felt I must use all my wits to gain time and fence with the questions why I said with a leadon yes he hasn't given you the slip has he never did such a thing in his life said the Colonel mournly he rushed off after a rat or a frog or something a few minutes ago and as I stopped to light another charoute I lost sight of him I thought I saw him slip in under your gate but I've been calling him from the front there and he won't come out no and he never would but the Colonel must not be told that just yet I temporized again if I said unsteadily if he had slipped in under the gate I should have seen him perhaps he took it into his head to run home oh I shall find him on the doorstep I expect the knowing old scamp why what do you think was the last thing he did now I could have given him the very latest intelligence but I dared not however it was altogether too ghastly to kneel there and laugh at anecdotes of bingo told across bingo's dead body I could not stand that listen I said suddenly wasn't that his bark there again it seems to come from the front of your house don't you think well said the Colonel I'll go and fasten him up before he's off again how your teeth are chattering you've got a chill man go indoors at once and if you feel equal to it look in half an hour later about grog time and I'll tell you all about it compliments to your mother don't forget about grog time I had got rid of him at last and I wiped my forehead gaspink with relief I would go round in half an hour and then I should be prepared to make my melancholy announcement for even then I never thought of any other course until suddenly it flashed upon me with terrible clearness that my miserable shuffling by the hedge had made it impossible to tell the truth I had not told a direct lie to be sure but then I had given the Colonel the impression that I had denied having seen the dog many people can appease their consciences by reflecting that whatever may be the effect their words produce they did contrive to steer clear of a downright lie I never quite knew where the distinction lay morally but there is that feeling I have it myself unfortunately pre-barrication has this drawback that if ever the truth comes to light the pre-barricator is in just the same case as if he had lied to the most shameless extent and for a man to point out that the words he used contained no absolute falsehood will seldom restore confidence I might of course still tell the Colonel of my misfortune and leave him to infer that it had happened after our time but the poodle was fast becoming cold and stiff and they would most probably suspect the real time of the occurrence and then Lillian would hear that I had told a string of falsehoods to her uncle over the dead body of their idolized bingo and act no doubt of abominable desecration of unspeakable profanity in her eyes if it would have been difficult on her to accept a blood-stained hand it would be impossible after that no I had burned my ships I was cut off forever from the straightforward course that one moment of indecision had decided my conduct in spite of me I must go on with it now and keep up the deception at all hazards it was bitter I had always tried to preserve as many of the moral principles which had been instilled into me as can be conveniently retained in this grasping world and it had been my pride that roughly speaking I had never been guilty of an unmistakable falsehood but henceforth if I meant to win Lillian that boast must be relinquished forever I should have to lie now with all my might without limit or scruple to assemble incessantly and wear a mask as the poet Bun beautifully expressed it long ago over my hollow heart I felt all this keenly I did not think it was right but what was I to do after thinking all this out very carefully I decided that my only course was to bury the poor animal where he fell and say nothing about it the idea of precaution I first took off the silver collar he wore and then hastily interred him with a garden trowel and succeeded in removing all traces of the disaster I fancy I felt a certain relief in the knowledge that there would now be no necessity to tell my pitiful story and risk the loss of my neighbor's esteem by and by I thought I would plant a rose tree and someday as Lillian and I in the noontide of our domestic bliss stood before it admiring its creamy luxuriance I might, perhaps find the courage to confess that the tree owed some of that luxuriance to the long lost bingo there was a touch of poetry in this idea that lightened my gloom for the moment I need scarcely say that I did not go round to shutter garden that evening I was not hardened enough for that yet my manner might betray me and so I very prudently stayed at home but that night my sleep was broken by frightful dreams I was perpetually trying to bury a great gaunt poodle which would persist in rising up through the damp mold as fast as I covered him up Lillian and I were engaged and we were in church together on Sunday and the poodle resisting all attempts to eject him forbade our bands with sepulchral barks it was our wedding day and at the critical moment the poodle leaped between us and swallowed the ring or we were at the wedding breakfast and bingo a grizzly black skeleton with glowing eyes sat on the cake and would not allow Lillian to cut it even the rose tree fancy was reproduced in a distorted form the tree grew and every blossom contained a miniature bingo which barked and as I woke I was desperately trying to persuade the colonel that they were ordinary dog roses I went up to the office next day to the roomie secret gnawing my bosom and whatever I did the specter of the murdered poodle rose before me for two days after that I dared not go near the curries until at last one evening after dinner I forced myself to call feeling that it was really not safe to keep away any longer my conscience smote me as I went in I put on an unconscious easy manner which was such a dismal failure that it was lucky for me that they were too much engrossed to notice it I never before saw a family so stricken down by a domestic misfortune as the group I found in the drawing room making a dejected pretense of reading or working we talked at first and hollow talk it was on indifferent subjects till I could bear it no longer and plunged boldly into danger I don't see the dog I began I suppose you you found him all right the other evening colonel I wondered as I spoke whether they would not notice the break in my voice but they did not why the fact is said the colonel heavily gnawing his grey mustache we've not heard anything of him since he's run off gone Mr. Weatherhead gone without a word said Mrs. Curry plaintively as if she thought the dog might at least have left an address I wouldn't have believed it of him said the colonel it has completely knocked me over haven't been so cut up for years the ungrateful rascal oh uncle pleaded Lillian talk like that perhaps Bingo couldn't help it perhaps someone has shot him shot cried the colonel angrily by heaven if I thought there was a villain on earth capable of shooting that poor inno-offensive dog I'd why should they shoot him Lillian tell me that I hope you won't let me hear you talk like that again he's shot a weatherhead I said heaven forgive me that I thought it highly improbable he's not dead cried Mrs. Curry if he were dead I should know it somehow I'm sure I should but I'm certain he's alive only last night I had such a beautiful dream about him I thought he came back to us Mr. Weatherhead driving up in a handsome cab just the same as ever only he wore blue spectacles and the shaved part of him was painted a bright red and I woke up with the joy so you know it's sure to come true it will be easily understood what torture conversations like these were to me and how I hated myself as I sympathized and spoke encouraging words concerning the dog's recovery when I knew all the time under my garden mold but I took it as a part of my punishment and bore it all uncomplainingly practice even made me an adept in the art of consolation I believe I really was a great comfort to them I had hoped that they would soon get over the first bitterness of their loss and that bingo would be first replaced and then forgotten in the usual way with no signs of this coming to pass the poor Colonel was too plainly fretting himself ill about it he went pottering about for lonely advertising searching and seeing people but all of course to no purpose and it told upon him he was more like a man whose only son and heir had been stolen than an Anglo-Indian officer who had lost a poodle I had to affect the liveliest interest in all his inquiries and expeditions and to listen to and echo the most extravagant eulogies of the departed and the wear and tear of so much duplicity made me at last almost as ill as the Colonel himself I could not help seeing that Lillian was not nearly so much impressed by my elaborate concern as her relatives and sometimes I detected an incredulous look in her frank brown eyes that made me very uneasy little by little a rift widened between us until at last in despair I determined to know the worst before the time came when it would be hopeless to speak at all I chose a Sunday evening as we were walking across the green from the church in the golden dust and then I ventured to speak to her of my love she heard me to the end and was evidently very much agitated at last she murmured that it could not be unless no it never could be now unless what I asked Lillian, Miss Roseblade something has come between us lately you will tell me what that something is won't you do you want to know really she said up at me through her tears then I'll tell you it's Bingo I started back overwhelmed did she know all if not how much did she suspect I must find out that at once what about Bingo I managed to pronounce with a dry tongue you never I you never loved him when he was here and you know you didn't I was relieved to find it was no worse than this no I said candidly I did not love Bingo Bingo didn't love me Lillian he was always looking out for a chance of nipping me somewhere surely you won't quarrel with me for that not for that she said only why do you pretend to be so fond of him now anxious to get him back again Uncle John believes you but I don't I can see quite well that you wouldn't be glad to find him you could find him easily if you wanted to what do you mean Lillian I said hoarsely how could I find him again I feared the worst you're in a government office cried Lillian and if you only chose a government to find Bingo what's the use of government if it can't do that Mr. Travers would have found him long ago if I'd asked him Lillian had never been so childishly unreasonable as this before and yet I loved her more madly than ever but I did not like this illusion to Travers a rising barrister who lived with his sister in a pretty cottage near the station and had shown symptoms of being attracted by Lillian he was away on circuit just then luckily but at least even he would have found it a hard task to find Bingo there was comfort in that you know that isn't just Lillian I observed but only tell me what you want me to do bub bub bring back Bingo she said bring back Bingo I cried in horror but suppose I can't suppose he's out of the country or dead what then Lillian I can't help it she said but I don't believe he is out of the country or dead and while I see you pretending to uncle that you cared awfully about him and going on doing nothing at all it makes me think you're not quite quite sincere and I couldn't possibly marry anyone while I thought that of him and I shall always have that feeling unless you find Bingo it was of no use to argue with her I knew Lillian by that time with her pretty caressing manner she united a latent obstinacy which it was hopeless to attempt to shake I feared too that she was not quite certain as yet whether she cared for me or not and that this condition of hers was an expedient to gain time I left her with a heavy heart unless I proved my worth by bringing back Bingo within a very short time Travers would probably have everything his own way and Bingo was dead however I took heart I thought that perhaps if I could succeed by my earnest efforts in persuading Lillian that I really was doing all in my power to recover the poodle she might relent in time and dispense with his actual production so partly with this object and partly to appease the remorse which now revived and stung me deeper than before I undertook long and weary pilgrimages after office hours I spent many pounds in minutes I interviewed dogs of every size, color and breed and of course I took care to keep Lillian informed of each successive failure but still her heart was not touched she was firm if I went on like that she told me I was certain to find Bingo one day then but not before would her doubts be set at rest I was walking one day through a somewhat squalid district which lies between Bow Street and High Holborn when I saw in a small theatrical costumer's window a handbill stating that a black poodle had followed a gentleman on a certain date and if not claimed and the finder remunerated before a stated time would be sold to pay expenses I went in and got a copy of the bill to show Lillian and although by that time I scarcely dared to look a poodle in the face I thought I would go to the address given and see the animal simply to be able to tell Lillian I had done so the gentleman whom the dog had very unaccountably followed was a certain Mr. William Blag who kept a little shop near Endell Street and called himself a bird fancier though I should scarcely have credited him with the necessary imagination he was an evil-browed ruffian in a fur cap with a broad broken nose and little shifty red eyes and after I had told him what I wanted he took me through a horrible little den stacked with piles of wooden wire and wicker prisons each quivering with restless twittering life then out into a back yard in which were two or three rotten old kennels and tubs that there's him he said jerking his thumb to the farthest tub followed me all the way home from Kensington Gardens he did him out will ya and out of the tub there crawled slowly with a snuffling whimper and a rattling of its chain the identical dog was playing a few evenings before at least so I thought for a moment and felt as if I had seen a spectre the resemblance was so exact in size in every detail even to the little clumps of hair about the hind parts even to the lop of half an year this dog might have been the doppelganger of the deceased bingo I suppose after all even black poodle is very like any other black poodle of the same size but the likeness startled me I think it was then that the idea occurred to me that here was a miraculous chance of securing the sweetest girl in the whole world and at the same time atoning for my wrong by bringing back gladness with me to shutter garden it only needed a little boldness one last deception and I could embrace truthfulness once more almost unconsciously when my guide turned round and asked is that their dog yarn I said hurriedly yes yes that's the dog I want that's bingo he don't seem to be a puttin of himself out about seeing you again observed Mr. Blag as the poodle studied me with calm interest oh he's not exactly my dog you see I said he belongs to a friend of mine he gave me a quick furtive glance then maybe you're mistook about him he said and I can't run no risks I was a going down in the country this year very evening to see a party as lives at Wisteria Willa he's been a advertising about a black poodle he has but look here I said that's me a curious leer no offence you know governor he said but I should wish for some evidence as to that before I part with a valuable dog like this year well I said here's one of my cards will that do for you he took it and spelled it out with a pretense of great caution but I saw well enough that the old scoundrel suspected that if I had lost a dog at all it was not this particular dog ah he said as he put it into his pocket if I part with him to you I must be cleared of all risks I can't afford to get into trouble about no mistakes unless you likes to leave him for a day or two you must pay a cordon you see I wanted to get the hateful business over as soon as possible I did not care what I paid Lillian was worth all the expense I said I had no doubt myself as to the real ownership of the animal but I would give him any some in reason and would remove the dog at once and so we settled it I paid him an extortionate some and came away with a duplicate poodle a canine counterfeit which I hoped to pass off at shutter guard as the long lost bingo End of section 2