 with the said mark chapter 10 verse 6 till verse 9 says the following but from the beginning of creation God made them male and female for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife not girlfriend and two shall become one flesh so then they are no longer two but one flesh therefore what God has joined together let not men separate and somebody said amen in the Bible we see that God teaches us about marriage and he uses himself as an example people say does does God have a wife not so but Jesus treats the church as his bride and so the Bible uses God as an example for marriage means if you want to learn about marriage you don't have to look very far look at the way Jesus loves the church and then if you want to learn about God you look into marriage and you will see also there how Jesus loves us we look to God to look to learn about marriage and we look at marriage to learn more about God it's very important and this evening we are going to just do one more message out of this series that started a month ago on relationships I'm going to share with you from this verse that I just read in mark chapter 10 four simple points four simple truths or rules that Jesus sets in motion about relationships that you need to be aware of them most of you know them so for some it will be a reminder for some a repetition for some it will be something brand new in our church we practice taking notes so we ask you to take notes take your phone out and anything that sticks out to you any cool quote or something that comes as a aha moment write it down and it will be better to remember and post it on facebook tomorrow and say that it came to you in prayer the first thing that Jesus said in that verse is said men should leave his father and his mother and then of course get connected with his wife it's interesting that in Jesus's world he sees a successful marriage it has to come out of a successful family amen a successful marriage has to come out of a successful family men should leave his father and his mother now I want you to notice what the bible doesn't say it doesn't say men should leave his ex the bible doesn't say men should leave his cronies his homies the bible doesn't say a man should leave just his father or just his mother it says a man should leave a father and mother means in Jesus's worldview he sees for a marriage to have a success it must come also first everything starts with father and mother means the family you are coming from is actually a huge predictor or a future contributor to your future relationships many times we focus on the person we fall in love with instead of the family we are coming from we think if I just find the mister perfect mister right if I just find this amazing person who treats me like a princess I will have a happy life Jesus is saying the real happiness does not start in the person you're in love but the family they fall from yes I know this quote this says an apple doesn't fall far from the tree like father like mother like like father like son like like mother like daughter but it's actually somewhat also has a lot of truth in it a family is the foundation for marriage and marriage eventually is a foundation for a family there is such a thing as generational curses generational curses is something that repeats in the family they say it goes in the family and you don't have to be super religious just go to a doctor and they will do your background or they will ask you by your history and they will say does this run in a family cancer for example does high blood pressure run in the family you look as like what's your problem doctor you came to examine me not my family do you see my family here why are you asking me about my family it's my private business don't stick your nose into my family but a doctor he's not a theologian but he's not an idiot he also knows there's stuff that runs in the family now in the bible calls it a curse in the doctor terminology I don't know what they call but it's just stuff that runs and not only in the area of sickness but sometimes it runs in the area of character when daddy gets mad daddy throws things and the little shadow is growing up in the house and he gets mad and he throws toys runs in the family sometimes physical characteristics actually are passed on sometimes there are certain genes and so we just have to understand that our family has a huge predict predictability about our future and I understand hanging there somewhere like man glad man I have a bad family or I come from a broken family it's not on my fault and you're saying I'm not gonna have a great relationship because I have a bad family hang in there but you have to understand and not be blind just because the family you come from maybe is dysfunctional or it's hard to say well if I just fall in love and find the right person everything will be right not so some of you read this about two families from long ago and I just want to read it to you it's very interesting actually about max jugs he was ungodly man who had 540 descendants somebody calculated that and out of his family 310 who died as actually very very poor people 150 of them were criminals seven were murderers 100 were drunken and more than half of the women out of his descendants were prostitutes and his family tree cost the united states 1.25 million dollars you probably want to stay away from family like this it's interesting how almost everyone in the family like almost seems like the apple didn't fall very far from the tree now at the same time as this guy was living there was another guy his name was jonathan edwards he was a christian man who followed god prayed two hours a day and really just just really pursued god he had about a thousand three hundred ninety four descendants i want you to compare the family trees 13 of them became college presidents 65 of them were college professors three were united states senators 30 were judges 100 were lawyers 60 were physicians 75 were army and navy officers 100 were preachers and missionaries 60 were authors of prominence one was a vice president of united states 80 became public officials in other capacities and 295 became college graduates different family you and i have to remember that a family creates a marriage but a marriage also creates a family we must understand this truth Jesus says a man comes out of a father and a mother means where relationships begin is with the family now we are not able to choose the family we come from sometimes there are things done troubles struggles and sins and we come from a broken family we or we come from this functional family no matter how good and christian your family is your family is not perfect and god gives us one more family to be connected to it's our spiritual family it's a church and god wants us to be connected in church and to treat church not as a social club and not as i have nothing to do on wednesday so i'll go to hungry generation but as a family and in there you will get also equipped you will have your mind changed you will have a good company of people who will help and monitor and become your accountability partners and supporters to eventually have great relationships you have a biological family and you also should have a spiritual family i've noticed one thing about a lot of our people is that many times when they make our church their family they turn their back on their biological family and that is extremely bad jesus at particular time had his mom and none of his brothers believe in him they came to take him because they said he is going crazy so maybe your family is like that they're not understanding your faith right now they're not supporting your faith and they say you're betrayed you turn your back against our faith because you're going to that christian church and sometimes we have this tendency tendency to say you know what if it's like that i'm gonna turn my back on them but i want to encourage you today if your biological family is not doing so well do not turn your back on them just because you got planted in the church do not demonize your family means don't criticize you don't say oh my family my ex my kids my mom my dad there's such a horrible people they don't even believe in this they constantly criticize and make fun of what we're doing here and everything do not have that attitude toward your family jesus didn't his biological family didn't believe in him but jesus still loved his family served his family and when he was dying on the cross he didn't care about where peter is going to stay the next day he was caring where his mama's gonna stay the next day and he makes sure his mama had place to stay and that's why when jesus went up to heaven we see jesus's mama we see jesus's brothers and jesus's sisters at the church worshiping jesus that's one of the reasons i know jesus is god if he could get his own brothers to worship him as god he is god do you want your family to serve god don't turn your back on them don't demonize them do not simply say well my family's hunger generation i don't want to know you guys have your family get together i don't care block me leave me out i already found my family don't be like that demonizing a family is wrong but another problem happens for people who idolize their family i'm not there on sunday why family barbecue wednesday night some kind of a family get together even if i don't have a family i am the family so i will meet with myself and we begin to use a family and we're elevated to the place of god and you see these people and it seems at first everything is so awesome man this is good they value their family it's possible to worship a family and this is what you have to remember about the family that you worship every idol you set up as god that's not real god will fail its worshipers when you elevate your kids your marriage your job your health something above god and you begin to idolize it what's going to happen is it will fail you and you will have a heartbreak family is a very precious gift we have to honor our family but we must understand family cannot be our idol we have to love our family serve our family be with our family do the chores always honor mom and dad but remember if mom and dad says you cannot pick up the bible but i have a playboy magazine you said parents will never say that trust me i work with teenagers the stuff i heard sometimes that goes on in the family is crazy i've had kids who got beaten physically for coming to church not for not just cleaning these kids who had the bibles thrown out here in united states who were thrown outside and i had to pick them up and not just they made a deal where don't come to the church but simply saying if you're gonna serve god you're gonna have to live on your own and and usually kids were like oh then i i'm gonna have to obey my parents and i have to forget about god and i'm gonna have to honor my dad and mom you want your mom and dad to know jesus the way they know jesus is not if you abandon jesus but if you worship jesus and still respect them if they don't agree amen respect them when they don't agree you have a spiritual family you have a biological family both of these families have to be in the balance you have to love your family but you also have to be plugged in into your spiritual family if you are a young person you're planning one day to get married and you come to this church just just when you have free time but you don't make it a home or some kind of a church you don't make it a home your future relationships will struggle relationships start in the family instead of looking for a boyfriend look first for a family spiritual family is a church and we must also be committed to a church let me just take a minute to talk to you about the importance of connecting yourself in a spiritual family i hear people all the time saying things like i believe in god but i hate church or i love god and i hate church i believe in god but i don't like to go to church can i believe in god and not go to church of course you can believe in god my bible says demons believe in god and they also go to church can i believe in can i love god and hate church you can't do that can you love my head and hate my body church is not a building church is his body you cannot despise the body and claim to love the head that is disproportional there was a guy in the bible named paul and he claimed to love god but he was killing christians hurting christians locking them up in prison and on one of his trips killing christians jesus stood on the road and just standing on the road paul fell soft from his horse and jesus looks at paul and says what's the problem dude why are you persecuting me paul is i'm not persecuting i'm persecuting christians jesus you're persecuting me i don't get it jesus you died you're in heaven you're not even here on earth ferris is killed you i'm killing your people not you but jesus is saying you're persecuting me you know what jesus is saying the way you treat christians is the way you're really trilling god you can't say i love god ignore the church avoid the christians run away from them that's how you really treat god is how you treat his people and paul learned a very valuable lesson the day and he repented he said jesus i'm sorry i thought i loved you i thought i serve you turns out it's not really so do not have this weird idea i can love god but i don't have to go to church people always say this in our generation people say things like i don't need to go to church i don't want to go to church because i just have god in my heart and that's all that's enough someone said a person a christian who doesn't go to church is like a student who doesn't go to school it's like a soldier who doesn't join an army it's like a citizen who doesn't vote it's like a salesman who has no customers an explorer with no base camp a seaman on a ship without a crew a businessman on a deserted island an author without readers a parent without a family a football player without a team a scientist who doesn't share his findings a b without a hive i know why people don't come to church no time busy almost every person bro i'm just so busy i'm just too busy if you don't have time to spend time with god you are too busy but it's not time issue it's always a priority issue because even when you're the busiest do you still have time to take shower i hope you do do you still have time to brush your teeth i hope you do do you still have time to sleep do you still have time to eat of course you do and you still have time to check facebook and watch the latest movie that comes out on the weekend don't lie to yourself when next time somebody says hey i haven't seen you for a while tell him the truth it's not important to me but see the moment you say there you're like oh my goodness that's scary but that's the truth it's not the time issue it's a priority issue does somebody say amen people always say well there's too many hypocrites in church i've seen that person they got saved but they still drink if you think the church has too many hypocrites there is room for one more walmart has hypocrites you still go there starbucks has a lot of hypocrites who drink starbucks and drink dutch bros hypocrisy at its finest you still go there as so many other places have hypocrites but when it comes to church well they're not really real they're not really changed well if you are so changed don't become a hypocrite by being afraid of being around hypocrites others say i hate organized religion you know most of the time on our Sundays we are very disorganized you know i've heard people say and sometimes in our church i don't know anyone i can't i can't go i don't know anyone but trust me if you come to hunger generation you will know someone you will know many people but maybe you've been coming for some time and after a few months or six months and you expect people always to come up to you don't do that you come up to people you talk to people make other people feel special this is not just about you this is also about them most people do come to church if you meet somebody on the street i call them ceo christians ceo stands for christmas easter only they come to church three times in their life when they are hatched matched and dispatched when they are born when they are married and when they're dead when they're born parents bring them when they're married their spouse brings them and when they're dead people bring them don't be like that come to god's house consistently how would you love for your heart to skip a beat how would you love for your heart to work as your church attendants one time a break for five minutes another time how would you like for your kids to go to school like many people attend church whenever i have time if i'm not busy if my stomach is doing okay and it seems like wednesday's stomach gets disturbed it was never a problem with my stomach until i start going to church every time i need to go to church my problem is my stomach or some other problems that we always come up with people we always have that cause us not to go to church don't be like that be a person who is consistent fall in love with your family make it your family i know the excuse some people say well i don't feel like it's my family if i would only go to my family every time i felt like it was my family i would never go to my family i don't get anything out of it i went to my parents gazillion times and got nothing out of it do you know why i went there it's my family it's my family we fellowship together but with god we have a chance to worship him and he tells us he is our father padre he is our father he doesn't tell himself a creator he is our father that means we have to be a family you have to change your mind first don't come and expect people to roll a red carpet in front of you and give you starbucks gift cards and constantly say oh how was your week and everything to say now i feel like a family and next week if they don't do that i don't feel like a family change your mind and you will be surprised how people change the reaction toward you it's about the mind fix your mind this is my family for the rest of my life it's going to be also a family for my kids and next thing you know this is a foundation for marriage i know some of you are saying this i thought having money if you have a family they'll pitch in but if you have a lot of money and something happens nobody else is going to come along but i thought this is important if you have a family they'll help but if you don't have a family and something bad happens you're alone and the devil will wipe you out but if you have a family it's one call away right there the door is open coming in when you have a family you have a safe haven because somebody say amen with that said let's go to point number two jesus said we also have to leave to cleave leave to cleave he says a man should leave his father and cleave to his wife i leave his father and his mother meaning he has to walk away from their house and get his own place and live with his wife i want to just insert something right here and this is very practical it's okay to stay with your parents as long as you are not married jesus said and hang in there don't throw your grenades at me right now because i know the social pressure if you are 17 and you live with your parents you're somehow like retarded or something or something is wrong with you because you are not on your own and you're not responsible but jesus is saying you don't need to leave your father and your mother if you have no one to cleave and dog and cat doesn't count if you have someone to cleave to then you should leave until then you should stick around your parents house oh but i hate the control i don't i can't bring anybody there always asking me about my curfew always asking about the clean my room but think about the positive side how many times i did your laundry how many times you got free meals how many times you didn't have to pay rent the positive outweighs the negative i lived with my parents until i was 24 until i got married i got my first property at the age of 21 why did i not move in into my first property because i didn't care what a lot of broke people thought about me who made fun of me actually who when i met them you still live with your parents i'm like but i have a new car and new property doesn't matter but you live with your parents i'm like but you're in debt to your eyeballs and you live on your own proud and you're gonna be put in prison because you're not paying your debt collectors no more but i live on my own i was like i hope it's worth it i remember one person who actually was coming to our church she was about 30 something years of age she was like in our tradition an american tradition if you live with your parents it's horrible i was like okay but i'm like in my tradition if you're 17 and not married it's also horrible so i'm like so let's pick and fight you're 32 not married and i'm 24 live with my parents both of us are in trouble huh but i was like if it helps you i don't live with my parents my parents live with me so next time you live with your parents somebody makes fun of you say well if it helps you i don't live with my parents they live with me and my brother and my sister and the dog and the cat and i am the owner the mortgage is on their name but i run the things in the house let's give Jesus a round of applause for our parents now there's only one exception to this if you start rocking their boat don't be surprised if they dump you over like Jonah don't be surprised and don't be claiming oh you need to listen to pastor let's message don't kick me out until i get married well if you don't do what you need supposed to do they will kick you out and they have the right to do so but if you're nice and kind cook meals cut the grass wash the car bring them gift and flowers they will keep you as long as they can but jesus is saying you have to leave when you have someone to cleave but the second flip the side of that is when you have someone to cleave means you have someone to get married to you have to make a decision of walking out of your parents house this doesn't only means you have to get your own apartment condo or your own house but it also means you need to disconnect and give your parents the freedom of not running your new marriage and you will always have sometimes the in-laws where some people who are so chill about it they're like hey you guys got bless you and everything but then there will be always those in-laws and sometimes you meet them all the time with couples who are getting married who stick their nose into the smallest things of the marriage like what did you guys eat this morning like describe to me were those eggs organic or not i don't know was that juice was it full juice or did they have sugar added to it and they begin to go into your details when do you guys have intimate time when you guys do this and you're like okay i didn't know you were god you're like i love you mom and dad advice is welcome cash is preferred that is always my response to all the in-law problems and so we have to always welcome the the opinion and the advice of our parents but if a marriage is to be healthy the in-laws have to have a distance jesus says marriage is going to be successful if a man cleaves to his wife so first he has to leave means he has to give a little space between him and his parents him and her parents and cleave cleaving means pursuing not stalking pursuing pursuing means you show interest and you show affection and you show love when a man is dating a woman cleaving comes like the 10th fruit of the spirit just like this it comes so naturally man automatically is very romantic when dating man becomes extremely expressive with his words he can describe woman's appearance in all of the words in webster's dictionary when he gets married he cannot think of anything except you look good when a man is dating he pursues a woman in a sense money is important but somehow he has enough time to buy the expensive roses has enough money to go to a nice restaurant has enough money to buy those touch cards and those um what do you call those cards that you fill them up cards cards yeah they're so expensive he has enough money to buy all of these things and the woman of course responds back saying this is so romantic and not only that he wakes up early and plans all the 25 text messages in a row every single day without a fail he's so creative everything just juices flowing so the woman is like this is so amazing we're gonna have a fabulous time and when the marriage kicks in somehow a person gets lazy and he stops pursuing and he is surprised when he has no reaction back and usually people could come to this conclusion we fell out of love we're not compatible we grew apart we are so opposite well did you not know what you were marrying you know what happened stopped pursuing and you know why we stopped pursuing we don't feel it because in dating it takes over you in marriage you take it and run with it in dating feelings drive you in marriage you drive the feelings when I wake up in the morning and it's cold in the house I don't magically hope for fire to appear from heaven I go outside get the wood bring the wood inside of the fireplace put in position them correctly and begin to blow and start the magic of starting the fire and the moment I started the fire it's still cold but after some time it gets a little bit warmer warmer warmer and after a few hours it gets so hot that we have to open the doors that's how marriage works and Jesus is saying for in marriage to be loved in affection it's not a magic the only place where success comes before work is in dictionary everyone else first work and then success and Jesus is saying to us marriage won't work if people refuse to marriage will only work if you realize we don't have love we have to work at it not getting a new partner not getting divorced not well we need to separate no we need to pursue we need to seek also to benefit another person in revelation Jesus said to people who fell out of first love he says repent and do the first works and then everything will be fine we can come to the conclusion people don't fall out of love they only fall out of repentance they get lazy most of the relationships where love dies out it doesn't die out people stop putting wood into the fire and there is no more fire pursue another person and relationship will be great because somebody say amen let's go to point number three Jesus also said that a man should pursue his woman and a woman should in return pursue the man and they will become one so when people work on their relationship this is what's going to happen become means process means within certain time they become one marriage is when a man and a woman becomes as one the trouble starts when they try to decide which one now this is maybe some humor and all this stuff but I want you to catch the point Jesus is saying that a marriage people should become one flesh and we know what that means it means that two bodies come together when people are intimate and it becomes one flesh but it also here is a deeper meaning this is the meaning also that it has is the relationship is about two people becoming one a husband is on lane one a wife is on lane three the goal of Jesus is not for a husband to convince his wife that lane three sucks and lane one is from God the goal of the wife is not to convince because I can cry loud and manipulate you need to leave your lane one and come to lane three and be just like me Jesus is saying that the purpose of relationship when we work together is that we meet halfway and we negotiate that neither of the parties feel like coming to this decision I had to lose everything but that both parties feel like I lost 50 but that gained other 50 and the other party has the same to lose and the same to win otherwise relationship works like this there is a dominant person the alpha personality who convinces the other person that they're stupid and undeveloped and they say the best version of you is when you become like I want to see you to be more like me and we have a victim and a dominator and more looks like Egyptian slavery than happy marriage when there is a pharaoh and there are slaves when it comes to for example money I remember when I just got married and by nature I'm a by nature I'm a very frugal person another word for stingy I was very frugal person and my wife she is opposite of that not she wasn't wasteful she didn't have any credit card debts she didn't have any of that sort didn't have any loans the first thing I asked when I was on the date with her whether she had loans or credit card debt and when she said no I was like happy I don't care how much money you have saved but the fact you don't have that praise God and so we we got married and I'm like okay she doesn't have any debts we'll be completely fine when it comes to how we're going to manage our money as we were dating I realized that my wife's taste is extremely high and then she loves really nice things and doesn't care how much she has to pay for them and so I thought well it's not a big deal we're dating once we get married I'll teach her she will know the importance of money and she will know that we need to save we need to invest and we need to prioritize and we need to stop this nonsense of buying everything that's quality we need to buy whatever we can wear with the money that we have right now and so when we got married I decided to roll up my plan you know I'll I'll give a few books few lessons and then after that slowly you know she's gonna mold because well at the end of the day I'm a pastor you know and she's gonna listen to me and she did listen to me she did listen to me but then I saw this also a miserable person who wasn't happy and I saw myself not being a happy person myself because I wanted my job is to make her happy but at first I thought my job is to make her like me and with time what changed also in my mind when this reality kicked in that I can be more like her and she in return needs to be more like me and when we started to meet halfway and discuss say I know that you want this thing and you know my stance on this what can we do so that you don't feel like you got left out and so that I don't feel like I went on the cross how can we do this so that both of us are meet halfway and when we would meet halfway she would be more like me and I would gladly be more like her for some people it happens in the issue of traveling a guy is completely travel junkie when he's dating when he got married he becomes a cave man goes into his basement wants to do nothing doesn't want to see a sunlight and the woman has this traveling like the spirit of traveling always wants to go somewhere always wants to go somewhere and that's when a guy tries to convince us is you crazy we need to take your food deliveries something is wrong with you and he begins to complain and complain and complain and she begins to treat him as a caveman says if you want it to be like that then you should marry somebody from three thousand years ago I want to go explore the world and usually people you might think it's not a big problem it's a big problem because after this comes the money after that comes how to raise kids and everything and people think the success of marriage is if because I'm dominant I convince you to be more like me or because I can manipulate and maneuver my ways that means I need to push you and pull you into my box God is saying you need to become one not like you and not like him like both of you where both people lose and both people win because somebody say amen sometimes one person is goal driven the other person has no goals for life whatsoever their goal is to live happy and the person who has a goals they look at them and say you're the most miserable person I've met in my life how can you be happy when you have no goals how can you be happy when you have no vision and the person who the only thing in their life is too happy and to enjoy life they look at them when you say you're the most selfish proud egoistic person I've met the only thing you care is about achieving goals and not about people and both people are right and both people are wrong and the person who has goals usually thinks I'm smart intelligent because I read 25 books and I need to convince you who is stupid to become more like me that's not how it works you need to become more like her she needs to become more like you there has to be halfway there has to be negotiation and there has to be becoming one amen let's finish with the last thing that Jesus says as he said what God joined together let no man separate and what this means is that once people get married they have to realize that the family plays a role they have to realize that when they work on it it will work and they have to realize that the whole purpose of marriage is for both people to change and become more like the other person and lastly is that marriage in your mind has to become permanent and only then all the problems will become temporary when people get married listen very carefully people have a two stickers in their mind one sticker is called permanent the other sticker is called temporary when a fight breaks out a conflict breaks out disagreement breaks out and it seems like there's no resolution and it's been two hours usually the sticker goes out of their hand that says permanent either permanent marriage or permanent problem now this is how usually works when there's a conflict with there's a tension and the person begins to entertain thoughts i should have not marriage in the first place you know what if this house is gonna go i'm leaving you just taped i'm marriage it's temporary and the moment you say that it's temporary next thing that happens that the other sticker which says permanent goes on the problem goes on the problem pay attention to me the moment you label relationship as temporary you've right away labeled problems as permanent you end the relationship but you don't fix the problem which goes on to a next relationship until one day you realize i have to switch the labels and take my person the one that i'm married to by the hand and say you know what at this moment i can stand your gut you're the most annoying thing in this room right now but i'm gonna tell you something i'm married to you i love you and i will be with you will never leave you and if you choose to leave i'm walking right behind you i will find you and bring you back it's interesting the moment you say exactly these words add your anger add your passion to it whatever you say these words the moment you say that 50 percent of temperature in the room drops and then you realize like why are we fighting this is not a big deal a lot of it is just emotional the way these emotions get fixed if one of the people has a sticker in the right place in your mind when you're married you have to put a sticker on your marriage now i'm not talking about when there's abuse and faithfulness there's that's different we're talking about differences we're talking about conflicts we're talking about different opposite opposite things you have to put a sticker on the marriage in your mind says we are not going nowhere whether it's going to take us a week a month a year we are going to solve this problem the only way i'm leaving you is when this problem is solved but once it's solved i'm going to stick around therefore i'm never leaving you will always be with you when you make that in your mind something will happen your relationship problems will become easier to solve amen marriage is where we learn about god because god is the one who said i give you a family brothers and sisters god is the one who left heaven and he came and was seeking us as sinners and god is the one who says i became like you so you can become like me and god is the one before he left the earth he said to us i will never leave you will never forsake you you guys gonna be some troublemakers you're gonna make some mistakes i want to let you know when things get bad when things get hard when you fall trip i'm not leaving you i will find you and i will reach you i will pick you up and i will never abandon you that's where we learn the most about relationships from god and that's where we learn also from relationships how to be more like him