 Welcome to Dare to Dream. This is Debbie Daschinger. Pleasure and honor to be with you and thanks for joining today. And thank you. This has been actually a huge week of subscriptions of people aligning to have this show come in their inbox. So y'all are subscribing to the show and leaving great reviews. And I so love hearing what you have to say about the shows that you're watching. So just know that I read everything. I say that I do, but I actually read everything and I often post right underneath what you've written to. So keep posting and keep subscribing and leaving that five star review. It allows other people who wanna find this number one transformation conversation to know that it exists based on your review. Also, this show Dare to Dream has been nominated for two People's Choice Podcast Awards. I'm deeply grateful that you voted and that you've sustained me for over 12 years because I couldn't do this without people who listen, my passion certainly has carried me far. I feel like I've grown so much from the master conversations I've had thus far and continue to have. And I am a media visibility strategist. I coach people on how to write a page turner book. I also have a company that takes authors to a guaranteed international bestseller and I teach the ultimate visibility formula, how to be interviewed on radio and podcasts in 60 days or less, even if you don't have any prior publicity information. I've got you. And I just wanna give a shout out. Last week I had Dr. John D. Martini on the show and he said something, it was so wonderful I wanted to edit it out and I probably still will because he speaks to what I teach when he said, thank you so much for having me on the show because I couldn't meet people unless it was for people like you who opened the doors visibly for people like me to meet your well nurtured audiences. And that's exactly what visibility is all about. So if you are somebody who's got a message, and I think my audience certainly does, we're here for really great purpose at an interesting time, then know that visibility, that is the thing that busts down that barrier for you to meet your community, your tribe with great ease, whether it's a book, whether it's being interviewed, whether it's you teaching, but visibility is the way to elevate who you are and get your message out into the world. I want to thank Dr. Dane here and Access Consciousness for sponsoring this show. I speak every week about how much I believe in them and the work they do. And if you're like me and you think that anything like therapy or anything that takes nine weeks, nine months, nine years sounds like a baby, but I'm not, but I'm talking about really rebirthing you out into the world. If you're ready to do something like that, to heal like that, to get on with your life, this is the kind of work I recommend it is in every country in the world. If you want to do online programs, if you want to do products, if you want books, or if you want actual classes, I've got two of the facilitators here today. So thank you to Dr. Dane here and Access Consciousness for the great work you do out in the world. So what if you knew that there was a totally different and refreshing way to look at relationships? I want to show you, I do books out in the world. So every so often this comes about. This is one of the best book covers you're ever gonna see. I've got the authors of this book here today. My guests are Brendan Watt and Simone Molasses, who are Access Consciousness facilitators and authors of the book. Relationship, are you sure you want one? Brendan Watt was once a struggling tradesman and single dad and today, talk about a turnaround. He's a global speaker, facilitating classes and workshops and he powers others to know they are not wrong, that anything is possible and they're only one choice away from change. And Simone Molasses is an entrepreneur and creative business coach author and business manager. She's a business development manager of Access Consciousness. She's also the founder of Joy of Business, mentoring entrepreneurs around the globe to create greater wealth and happiness as well as the author of the Joy of Business translated into 13 languages plus the best selling book getting out of debt joyfully translated into five languages. For more about them, go to relationship, are you sure you want one? Dot com. And I welcome Simone and Brendan. Welcome to Deirdre and Trine. It's great to have you. Thank you, Debbie. Thank you for having them. Yes, thank you, Debbie. I love you again. I love the way you say the title of the book. It's exactly how it should be said. Yeah, it's got that energy. Like, are you sure you want one? Exactly. Talk about then the energy of this book. What was it that brought the two of you to decide, yeah, we need to put something out that's a little bit refreshing and updated and maybe pull back the curtain very honestly. Well, we've been facilitating classes for years and one of the things that came up a lot was relationship. In every class, people would have things about relationship and they saw the relationship that Simone and I had and were, how do you guys do it? How do you make it look so easy? How do you have so much fun with it? And there'd be all these questions based on the ease that we had with relationships. So we went, okay, I think we need to do something about this. We wrote the book and we were extremely honest in that book. Like we talked about everything that the tools that we'd use, but also the things that had gone on in our lives prior to relationship that we were creating our relationship based on. So we pretty much didn't leave anything behind in writing the book. And we've been there, done that. We've both had really, really bad relationships. It's not like we walked in and went, yeah, we do perfect relationship, great. But what we did together was create a great relationship. But the irony of it is, just before we released the book, we split our relationship up. So which media just had a filled day in the US with that. It was great. Because the question, relationship, are you sure you want one? And it needs to be a question every day. That's I know where we were both coming from. And what we actually did with each other as well. Like we wouldn't assume that we were gonna be together in 20 years or by the rocking chairs, et cetera. Our relationship was a question and it was a choice every day. So, you know, after eight years, we went, okay, maybe let's not do this anymore. Like we've both changed so much, so grateful for each other and let's create something different. Powerful. I can imagine in the US, the field day they had. So I'm curious because you bring that up and thank you for saying that at the get go because it is throughout this whole book said over and over. While you're in relationship writing this book, yeah, just for the moment, I'm not choosing to know that past today that this is gonna keep going. In fact, I have a lot of allowance about the fact that there may be other choices about being together. Was the transition difficult for you? Knowing that you're in this committed, if you will, for the moment relationship and then making a new choice plus putting out a book about relationships. It was certainly confronting. I mean, we did, like Simone said, we finished the book and then, you know, and then we had to release it once we were going through the breakup and stuff like that. So it was confronting with the media. They'd say, well, why should we listen to a book written by people that have separated their relationship? And we talked about that as well, but it's like for us, it was, I mean, for us, our relationship now has grown closer and closer and closer also because we looked at it from the place of, okay, we still care about each other. We still adore each other. We just are gonna choose something different. So it's been an interesting time since the book came out. It has been an interesting time. And I'm not gonna say that it's been or easy because it hasn't, but that's the whole thing that I would like people to get out there. If you're gonna choose to be in a relationship or be single or break up a relationship, what if it was easier than you think? Cause I see so many people hold on to something, like they, you know, hold on to anger. I mean, I've heard people literally say, oh, my mother still doesn't talk to my father and it's been 30 years from something. And I'm like, wow, you have spent 30 years being angry. You know? And so, I mean, Brandon was the one who broke up the relationship. And I was at that moment, you know, I guess quote unquote shocked. But when I really looked at it, I went, ah, you know what, he's correct. We were so creating our relationship probably for like seven years. And the last year or six months, it was more about maintaining it. And if anyone knows myself and Brandon, maintenance is not something that we do. It's like, so I was actually really grateful that he had the courage to take the step to say, hey, I need some space. You know, I need something different. And then, you know, I did hysterical woman, of course, because, you know, why not? I'm a woman, I'm allowed to do that. But what I'm grateful for is, I didn't do hysterical woman for very long. I went, I was literally angry for like three days. And then I went, God, this is exhausting. It's like, this is really tiring being angry. Okay, if I wasn't angry, what else could I choose? And then the one thing that we did do as well with each other is we asked each other, what do you require from each other during the breakup? And I literally thought it was gonna be like, who's getting the house? Who's getting this? You know, the materialistic things. And we wrote this list. And the first thing on the top of our list was friendship. We both desired to still create our friendship, whatever that looks like. So I would really like people out there to get that if you don't desire to be in a relationship now, it's okay to break up, but it doesn't have to be this like, huge trauma and drama in World War Three. You've got to be willing to go to World War Three. You've got to be willing to actually say everything that's going on. And yet it doesn't have to look like that. It's like you are not less than because a relationship is broken up. That was something that I really, really got from all of this. Yeah, it's very interesting you say that. I've often felt like an outsider because I know people perpetrate terrible things on each other during a breakup. And I've always done breakup with kindness. Oh, this, take that, that makes sense. So I'll take this. Oh, even when I got a divorce, honestly, I didn't want a lawyer. I think I went to We the People, which was $300. Great, let's just sign this and have a great life. And I didn't need anything except honestly, freedom at the time. So it's really an interesting choice to decide to enter with as much kindness, a separation as you did into the relationship in the beginning. Yeah. You know what it's scathed. It's extremely rare too. It's like, I hadn't seen it much either. It's like, I grew up with relationship men. It was, you hate each other. Or why would you not be, why would you be splitting up the relationship? But it's like, Simone and I tried to separate from each other in that sense for a little bit. And then it was like, you know, for both of us, well for me personally, it was like, okay, I need to be honest with me about this. And in doing that, being honest with her also, and it gave us both this sense of freedom with what was actually true for us and what we can create next rather than, well, I don't like you on this as what's going on. It's like, we looked at uncreating the relationship. This is pretty much the same way that we created it with the tools that we talk about in that book, like the, one of the things we talk about is the five elements of intimacy, which is honor, trust, vulnerability, gratitude and allowance. So having those five keys of intimacy, we use those in breaking up as well. We're in total allowance to each other and, you know, the insanity. Also, so it's like, but we also trusted ourselves and we use these tools and it's like, like I said before, we've created something extremely different as a friendship. People are shocked. I mean, we're in the public eye a lot. So it's like, people just look at us like, you shouldn't be like, yeah, you're like, you know. You know, we spend a lot of time together. So it's like, people just are confused with what's going on here. Well, someone's gotta be an example. So let's talk about that intimacy. I have personally experienced intimacy, fleeting moments. So I know what it's like to touch that and I'm really curious about it. So you said honor, gratitude, allowance, trust and vulnerability. Those are the five elements. Yeah. Like that. That you're good. Yeah. You remember to love. And I read your book. So with those five honor, gratitude, allowance, trust, vulnerability to be about intimacy, how does one do like the abracadabra? How do you open the door to step into intimacy but not like, you know, this sort of bobbing and weaving but more that you step in and there's some sustainability of existing there. Yeah. Well, it's like, what a lot of people do is they look for intimacy as an outside source. So they'll say, a lot of people think, you know, sex and copulation is intimacy. So if I have this person love me, they're being intimate with me. But it's like, and I learned this as well growing up. I had to look for intimacy outside of me. And what I learned with, with starting out. What do you mean by looking for intimacy outside of you? Well, looking for somebody to be intimate with me so that I could have more of me. Rather than if I had more of me, from me, I can be more intimate with others. So it's like, what I did was, I used those five elements of intimacy with myself. It wasn't about finding it with somebody else. It was about having it with me. And I knew if I could trust myself, I could trust other people. If I could be vulnerable with myself, I could be vulnerable with other people. But it's like, but that's the place we have to start with relationship. We have to start with us. Because if you can have an amazing relationship with yourself based on that, you can create phenomenal relationships with other people. What are the questions that you suggest that we ask? In your book, you say every day, we can ask questions about relationship. What are those? Well, I would start with, is this working for me? Like it was interesting when Brenda and I were in a relationship, at the beginning of the relationship, I was the one who was definitely earning like way more money than Brandon. In fact, he was a Tyler, which is a tradesman, and he hated it. So I said to him, why don't you not do this anymore? Like, why don't you give yourself some space? So for about 18 months, like I fully supported Brandon, the dog, the kid, and not just like house over, not living in the house and food on the table. It was like we went trips to Costa Rica, et cetera, and did all of that. And the projections that people had were really interesting. It's like, why is she doing this? But every single day, and this is truly a question that you should ask every day, is this working for me today? And it's not like you wake up and go, no, this is not working, get out of the house. It's like, look at the energy of it. And each day I looked at it and went, yeah, this is a contribution to me. I don't know how or don't have the exact, like rhyme or reason that energetically, I knew that being this with Brandon, living with Brandon, was a contribution to my life and to everything that I was asking for. So ask, it's like, is this relationship a contribution to me today? And say, it should be a choice, not a necessity. And I see so many people in relationship, they'd rather be in a bad one than actually not be in a relationship. And relationship has to be a choice, not a necessity. Okay, so money and love can be very tricky. How can one approach finances in a relationship that feels successful to them? So I think everyone's really different. There's no handbook. It's like parenting. You don't get a handbook and say, this is the way you parent. It's like each relationship is entirely different. And again, I really wanna reiterate, it's not like Brendan and I walked around going, we got everything right, like this is wonderful. Like we went through some really interesting times with money. When we first got together, we had our separate bank accounts. Like, even I even went to the extent, he had a dog and I was like, well, it's his dog. He pays for the food, you know? Like, at least so. I'm just gonna close my window because the garbage truck's here. Of course it is. And then we separate our bank accounts, but we were contributing going 50-50 in the bills. And then we also decided to buy a house together. So when we looked at those finances and when we decided to buy a house, we actually signed the deal and everything. And then Brendan said, oh, by the way, I need to tell you something. And I was like, what's that? And he was like, I'm in a whole lot of debt. I owe the government all this money. And it was like a huge amount of debt. And I went, looked at him and went, isn't that usually what you tell someone before you buy a house with them? And he went, yeah, I didn't really think about it. So we went through this amazing amount of finances because I was brought up learning about finances. My father was an accountant. He was very adamant that you had to know exactly what was going on. I of course created huge amounts of debt, hence my other book, Getting Out of Debt Joyfully. But then I changed it. And Brendan definitely grew up with, the best scenario with money is head in the sand, don't look up. So coming together, and then the first meeting we ever had with our accountant, Brendan was like, oh, I want this to end, I want this to end. And then you did, you hated it. You're like, I don't like doing this. But then now it's like we have means with our accountant and it's so creative and it's awesome. So we went through a hell of a lot of stages of separate bank accounts, joint bank accounts. And even at one stage I said to Brendan, can I have a chat? I said, I feel really weird about money. Can we look at this? And he looked at me and he went, I thought we've had this discussion before. And I said, what do you mean? He goes, I thought we already knew. He goes, what's my money is my money and what's yours is ours. And I just laughed and laughed and laughed. But it was so, because it was true to a point. And I went, you know what, you're right. Let's just create. So I see a lot of people who limit what they can create based on money. Money is just money. Like one of the things we refer to is what if relationship was more about creation ship? And you can have that with finances with somebody. But you too. This is very powerful because what you just said, your money is your money. But my, whatever you just said, it doesn't matter. It's usually not a set, right? It's usually a club who say, yeah, my money is my money. Like I'm gonna spend it. I'm gonna go shopping. I'm gonna, you know, whatever a spa treatments, who knows clothing and, oh, but what you make, that's definitely community. So this is reversed, right? So talk about equality right there. Hello. I wanna hear from Brendan. So how's that for you? How do you suggest in a relationship that people can find their footholds so everybody actually feels good about the money situation? Well, it's like that there was the perfect example of the stereotypes of relationship and finances in relationship because in most cultures, it's like the man should be making most the money. He should be supporting the family. And it's changed over time. But it's like, but we have these stereotypes and these rules of relationship that we think we need to follow. So it's like for me, I used to make jokes about it because then it would lighten Simone's world up and then we'd go from it was a problem to it was a lightness and then we could create because it was never actually a problem. So we looked at it from the place of what was true and for us, Simone was far more capable of making money. So it made sense that she was gonna make more money and she also appreciated the contribution. So I would do different things to make her life easier so that she had more time to create money. But it's looking in the relationship going, okay, so what are we good at? What can we contribute to each other? Not what are the rules here and who has to do what? I have to say, so I love what you're saying. And I can feel the truth of what you're saying, but I can also feel like ancient stuff about this is who a woman is and this is who a man is coming up as you're saying that. So there's a resistance there. And that's the thing that that's the, that's what I love about access and about the club. Oh, there's two of you. There is. Let's release one of you. Let's release one. I'll call a computer just shut down, sorry. Don't worry. That's what I love about access and access consciousness and using the tools because that's what we do in the classes that we do. It's like, I talk about things like this because I can feel the energy come up where people go, no, that can't be right because it's like we've been, we've been taught over a lot of time how things should look, how our body should look, how relationships should look, how sex, how finances, how everything. So it's like when a, when something that doesn't match that comes along, we go, no, I don't wanna hear that. Don't tell me about that because that doesn't match what I've been taught. So we bring that energy up and then we go, okay, can we destroy and create that now so that we can actually start clearing away the layers of everything we thought was true that isn't. Okay. So I wanna harken back to some of the things you were talking about, the ways you used to operate and how you are today because there were pieces in your book that I was very curious about. So I'm gonna start with, yeah, I feel Simone. So there was something, and I'm being very transparent. You said over and over again in the book, in your past and in relationships, the shame you felt over your body and how you would attract men who basically mirrored that back to you and you felt you were receiving a lot of judgment from them. And I really appreciated your honesty and sharing that. And why I was surprised is because my experience of you, having seen you in person over many years, I always felt like you were this goddess in your body, right? For real. And whether that's my projection, but I always looked at you like, wow, this is someone so self-possessed, so inside of herself, knows how to dress herself. Like, I felt like you adored your body. So that was very interesting to me. And okay, you have a powerful presence no matter what. What I would love to hear is, what is it like for you today? Is that a bridge you are able to gap? Has there been healing there? Is there still some wonkiness there around your body? Definitely. I am actually having an awesome time with my body now. But it's definitely been access consciousness tools. And Brendan really helped me too. So what I refer to in the book is, every man that I was with, I would choose someone who judged me and my body the same as I did. So because it matched the judgments and so many people do that. You have a judgment and then you meet someone who has the same judgment and you go, oh, this is perfect. Because it aligns with it. So I was always choosing people who judged my body. You know, insane? Yes. And then Brendan was the first person that I ever had sex with who literally didn't have a judgment of bodies. And which is, if you've had sex your whole life with someone who judges bodies and judges your body and then you have sex with someone who doesn't judge you or your body, it's a really different space. And it's a different energy. So Brendan actually did teach me a lot and teach me to like the moments where I would be judging my body. He was just like, hey, I think your body's fun. And he was like, you know, I love your body and still today he'll say that to me. So, and my body has changed so much as I've come out of judgment of it. I mean, if you look at photos of me of 10, 15 years ago and then look at photos of me now my body has changed a lot. So. How so? I'm gonna say it just even, well, I mean, the obvious things like shape, et cetera but the energy that I have with it. I mean, I even noticed like this morning when I woke up and it's like, you know, when I wake up and it's like just even like touching your body and it's like, this is gratitude that I have for it rather than this like, oh no, got to carry this thing around. It's like a sense of gratitude. So, and again, like I really want to say it's like there's nobody out there who's, you know you've got to use the tools. You've got to be willing to change your point of view because your point of view creates your reality. So I, you know, feel like Brenda and I have been there done that with so many different things of, you know, choosing abusive relationships choosing people who judge does, et cetera and then choosing something different. And one of the things that we talk about in access consciousness is making a choice in 10 seconds. So this 10 seconds, you choose something. So if you do judge your body, it's like, okay so that was an interesting 10 seconds. Now what am I gonna choose? Because judgment never ever creates anything greater ever. I mean, as Brandon, I've heard him say so many times you don't look in the mirror and go, geez, I've got a fat ass. And then your ass goes, oh, I'll go away. It's like, your ass goes, oh, I'm fat. All right, let me show you. So if you start having gratitude, and I really did and it's not the, my body is probably one of the hardest things that I ever sort of had to get really intimate with and have a look at like things like most people have a problem with money. That's so grateful you just said that because I had this synapse happen just now when you said, I'm so grateful for my body and this question came up for me. Have you been, and you're not someone who's had trouble creating money, right? You teach this. Have you actually created even more money since you've healed your relationship with your body? Absolutely, yes, absolutely. So you receive even more money as you're loving and appreciating your body. Yeah, well, if you look at yourself walking around the world in a constant state of judgment of you and your body, how much receiving is there? There's like pretty much none. There's this whole place of like barriers and pushing people away, pushing things away, pushing possibilities away, trying to control that rather than if you actually have gratitude for everything in your life. I know a lot of people talk about it and it might sound cheesy, but it's really true. If you have gratitude for everything in your life, including your body, then you receive a lot more. People desire to give to you and you receive it. It's like your body, it's like you receive the lust. You receive the gratitude, the people looking at you and going, wow, you look great. It's like, before, if someone actually said to me, you look great and I'm not kidding, years ago I would have probably not worn that dress again because it didn't match the judgment of where I was functioning from. Oh, people think I look great in this. I better not wear that. Like that's literally how my head space went. Whereas now I'm like, I've just chucked out so many clothes. I like to look good every day. Yum. We're gonna take a very quick break and when we come back, I've got some questions for Brendan and how he was in relationship growing up as well as some real subtext that goes on when we speak in relationships. This is Dare to Dream. I'm Debbie Daschinger and I feature successful, fascinating leaders who have created really major goals. And my question to you is, what would you do if you knew that you could not fail? What would it take for you to feel completely free and bold? You can be part of the Dare to Dream podcast, the number one transformation conversation available today. I'm amazed at the countries that this show turns up in an Apple podcast alone that is number one. So I'm grateful to be reaching the whole globe. You can be part of this team by donating to the show a dollar or more, and you can make a difference. You can make a difference and help the sustainability. Go to patreon.com slash Dare to Dream because you have a big purpose to fulfill. We're all about supporting you through these conversations to help you create a better life and create your dreams. So again, go to patreon.com slash Dare to Dream. And if you're tuning in after we've started, this is Debbie Daschinger, Dare to Dream Radio on podcast. I'm interviewing Brendan Watt and Simone Malassas. They are Access Consciousness Facilitators and authors of the book, Relationship. Are you sure you want one? Okay, so Brendan, you tell this story. I most unfortunately resonated with it from my relationship past. So I'd love to hear this because you talk about when you're growing up how you actually were in a relationship with somebody, I think you said for 10 years and she was not nice to you. No. Yeah, you said this is somebody who was really not nice, so I stayed for 10 years and I was like, ah, I've been there, man. I know what that feels like. Talk about that. Well, I had to try and make her nice, didn't I? I used 10 years to try and make her nice. It's like, so for me, I grew up with, I grew up with abusive relationships. It was all I really saw was abuse in relationships. So when I got to, I think I was 19, I met this girl and she was just energetically, she was just like my father, abusive. And so it's like, okay, I can love her. So I got into a relationship with her and my idea was if I can get this girl to love me, then I can figure out the abuse. And it's like, and I didn't realize that until much later. It's like, I realized that she was the same energy of my father that I was just trying to figure out the abuse. And I see a lot of us do that with relationship. We'll get into a relationship with somebody who's like one of our parents to try and figure them out. It didn't work so well. So yeah, I spent 10 years with this girl and I mean, I don't regret one moment of it though. It's like the things that I learned and the things I can talk about now based on it is a huge gift for me. Plus I got a beautiful son out of it. He's now a teenager, but that's another story. But it's like, so that's what I did for 10 years. I was with this woman and I'd leave and then I'd go, must have her back. And I'd leave, must have her back. So it was an interesting 10 years of my life, but I did it and that was the relationship. Yeah, I think a lot of people can relate to that. And it's amazing how much time flies by and you can even end something like that and swear like, I will never, I'll never waste so much of my lifespan doing that with the wrong person again. Cause it really hurts when you finally cut the cord and you're on your own and you say, man, that was a long period of time. And I knew, like you can track back and say, like I could probably say around year one that I should have been done. So it's yeah, it's a wake up call. And it's interesting as well with the, with people in relationship, like we'll ask them, okay, so when did you actually leave the relationship? And you know, and they've been married for 20 years and they'll say 19 years ago, they haven't been in the relationship for 19 years, but it's like for a lot of us, we know when it's done or we know when we could change something but don't actually look at it and change it. So it's not about, okay, my relationship's done. I need to end it. It can also be, okay, this isn't working. How do we change it? Yeah, so for men and women, I want to know about subtext because there are things we say out loud. There are actions we take that are obvious, but much like your book with the bubble over people's head, right? Somebody's saying something, then there's the bubble. I want to talk about the bubble of subtext. What is it? What goes on with men and women's subtext? Is there something very specific there? And I'd love to hear from both of you. Well, it's like, I mean, the amount of times like Simone would say to me, she'd say, hey, can we do this, please? Which meant, will you do this, please? It's different things that it's like, and we'll say something that actually doesn't match what's in our head, that's the subtext. Because what's in your head is what's true for you. What comes out of your mouth is just what you're saying in order to get it. And women do it all the time. Like, I mean, what Brennan's referring to, to so many times, especially with things around the house, I'd say, you know what, I think we should probably hang that painting up there. Which, when you hang the painting up there. Can you hang the painting up there, you know? And then, but at one stage, I mean, Brennan is very, he's one of those men that's a man, like he can do all those different things. But I would keep like hinting and doing this subtext for something. And I give you a tool, if you're listening to this, and this occurs for you as well, if your partner is not actually doing those things around the house, hire a handyman. Because I remember when I hired a handyman and Brennan was like, oh, you're hiring a handyman. It was like, yeah, make it easy, just get it done. Because otherwise you go into this expectation and then you start getting cranky for something really stupid. Like they're not hanging the painting up. And it's like, well, get somebody else to do it. So there's tools like that that we talk about in the book and be aware when you're doing subtext. I mean, there's some funny stuff, you know, when women say, no, that's fine. Yeah, you can go. Which sort of basically means you'd better not go. You know, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Or, and you know, a friend of mine once said to me, he goes, I'm a man. He goes, you need to tell me exactly what you want. Cause I don't know. He goes, you women drive me crazy. He said, you keep talking about something and you expect for me to get it, but I don't get it. Men really need to be spoken to in a very direct way. And including in sex. It's like, okay, you know what? This is what I would like. And it's like, you know. How can you, how can you speak to a man and be very direct, but not be overpowering, domineering or too demanding? How can it actually be a question to invite somebody? By putting it in a question. Like if you were talking with men, if you put it into a question and the other tip you want to get with men is they will listen to 7% of what comes out. What's up with that? You've tested it. Wait, I've tested it. Like, hello, I'm right here. Even women that function like men will do 7% also. So it's recognized that, okay. So what do I want to get across here? And get it across in one sentence. Not let's sit down and talk about this for half an hour because that never works with a man. He will hit, this is what he will hear. Can we do this? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you can also ask, like if you're asking for something and whether it's, I don't know, something to do with the house or going somewhere or whatever, you can like put a question there too. Say, hey, would that be fun for you? But you've got to ask from a place of him willing to say, actually, no, it wouldn't. It's like, would that work for you? Well, you've also, one of the tools that Simone used, which was brilliant, was she'd asked me for help. Can you help me with this please? Because a man's job is to fix it. He's been brought up telling being taught that he needs to fix problems. He's a problem solver. So if you present a problem and ask for help, then his job is to fix it. And men love doing that. Like if a woman says to me, can you help me with this please? I'm like, yeah, of course. I still do it with you, Aranya, this morning. Can you help me with something please? But it's like, as soon as she says that, I go into fix it mode. Okay, yep, I'll fix it. What do I need to do? What do I need to be? How do I solve this problem? And most men function like that. So what I see a lot of women do is they say, this is your job, you should be doing this. If somebody says that to me, it's never gonna happen. I mean, even in finances, we did that at one stage where Brandon is very good at spending money, okay? He's... High five, me too. Yeah. So, but he wasn't earning any money. So he was spending, you know, all of my money, which was fine to a point. And then I went, okay, this, I need to do something here. So I literally sat down with Brandon and said, hey, I need your help. You know, what we're creating here together. And I said, can I show you all of my bank accounts? And I opened up my computer and we sat down, probably had a glass of wine. I thought I was genius, by the way. I just want to interject to that part in the book. I was like, yeah, go girl, so smart to show someone on paper, please go ahead. Yeah, here you go. This is what's occurring. And when Brandon looked at it, cause he's also not an idiot and he's very good with math. So he looked at it and went, oh, okay. And I said, can you help me? I need some contribution to what we're creating. I wasn't making him wrong. And whether this is male or female, don't make the other person wrong for spending money. That's one thing I'm truly grateful for with myself and Brandon. We never ever went, oh, another pair of shoes or oh, another this. It was just like, that's awesome. Like I remember he came home one day and had a new surfboard and he had this energy about him that was really weird. And I was like, what's up? And he was like, I was thinking that you were gonna get cranky at me for buying a surfboard. And I was like, you love surfing. Go for it. That's awesome. You should have his new surfboard. So if you can empower and encourage and every time we did, we created more together. And we still do have that. So but if you're asking for help and then Brandon went, oh yeah, I can contribute to that. Now what are we gonna create? What are we gonna choose? And I feel like there's a caveat around this asking and a man's instinct to help and fix, which I'm highly familiar with. Which is awesome, by the way. And there's an aspect at times I can say as a woman and I feel that many other women, there are times we just wanna talk, right? And I know you said 7%, so that doesn't bode well. However, it's our instinct to, I could tell you, I'll own this. For me, I'm brilliant. I'm gonna figure something out. Trust me, the answer is within and it'll be abundantly clear. But in the moment, I may not have clarity. The best gift I could receive in the moment is just, let me chat. And usually I'll start to see on my own. Where I have problems is if I'm in that particular place and the man's instinct comes in, I must fix this. And all of a sudden he's saying, have you tried this? Did you do that? And I'm continually feeling very cut off from just my own exploration, if you will, or sharing with another human being. And that moment actually could be an intimacy of me revealing some stuff. So what I would suggest is telling and just say, hey, you know what? I just really need to talk about this. I don't need you to fix it. Will you just sit down and have a glass of wine and just let me talk about it? Like, because if you tell him, this is not something you need to fix. I just need to chat. And the other thing too is find someone else to chat to. I mean, one of the things that Gary Douglas, the founder of Access Consciousness said many years ago is nearly every woman needs about five or six men in their lives. And it's correct. I consider I have like about six or seven husbands and each one contributes something different to me. So there's other people that you can chat to. Don't make one person this sole source for everything that you require. So find a girlfriend, it's like, or another man that you like to hang out with that you chat with or something like that. But tell them, and that creates the intimacy too because then they're not freaking out going, how do I have to fix this? You've just told them, just relax. Let's have a glass of wine. I just need to chat. Got it. It's good. My best friend and I are always like, oh my God, if it's not this lifetime, next lifetime we should get married because it's so easy to sit and talk to her about everything. And I like that idea to preface. I like the wine too. And then preface it by saying, hey, you could chill. Like there's actually nothing you need to do. Just, you know, if you could be here for me for a few minutes that would rock my world. The other thing that I do too is, I mean, even like I said to Brennan this morning when I rang him, I went, hey, can you ask me some questions around this? Because I knew that if someone asked me questions, I would have more clarity. So it's like, do you have any, when I talk about this, do you have any questions for me? Because that's an unwritten law. You ask a question, you actually have more information that shows up and you will have more clarity. If you're going to answer, you'll only stop the engagement with what else can show up. So if you have someone that can literally ask you questions with no point of view, that's a real gift as well. So sex. What is a way for someone in a relationship to really express your desires? I think most of us have enough education, have read enough to know, okay, you know, you need to express what you want and need or maybe guide somebody. But what's something even more elevated than that when we show up in the bedroom, in a relationship or out of one, whatever people choose, but how can we really show up fully so we can have an amazing experience and sometimes part of that experience is saying, I'd like you to take a look at this or I might enjoy that or what do you feel about this? What are ways we can do that to feel really potent and authentic? Simone's frozen, so it looks like you've got me. Yeah, she is. So this is yours, baby. Talk about sex. Talk about sex. It's like, well, first of all, you've got to keep it fun. It has to be joyful because for most of us, it's like when sex becomes a chore in relationship, you do not want to do it. What do you mean by chore? As in something you just have to do. Oh, it's our once a week thing or it's our thing on birthdays or it just becomes this job. It becomes a job in relationship. I know for me, every time I've been in a relationship and that's happened, I just rather not have it. So the thing is with men, you can expect that they're always desiring it. Most men are always desiring sex. They're thinking sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. But what I would recommend also is do something different with it. It's like whether that's jumping a shower together, you know, do something in the car but have these certain moments where you're actually just being you and having fun together. The other thing is talk about it. Talk to each other and go, hey, we haven't really talked about this but I've thought about it. Do you think this would be fun? Would you like to try this with me? And be willing to be honest and try different things. It's like for me when I talk with people about sex, it's like, it's just, it can be an exploration through seeing what they're willing to do as well. Because you can't expect somebody to be something while they're having sex. You have to be the invitation for them. So if you're with some, most men also have been brought up to not make the first move. So as a woman, if you go, hey, do you think we could try this? Most men will be like, they won't instigate it but they will definitely explore it with you. So be willing to be the one who leads in sex, be willing to be the one who's creative in sex and don't wait for the other person to come up with something. If there's something that you desire, talk to them about it. Oh, I love that. I know I'm just coming in on the end there, but I just heard Brendan say that as well about, and also one of the things I've noticed too, if you, because I'm, as you mentioned before, I'm quite a, I'm not a weak, pale, interesting woman. It's like, I have quite a presence. So, I mean, recently what I was saying to someone is, it's like, I leave so much in my life. Like people look at me for leadership, et cetera. So what I was requesting was you lead, me not lead. So it's like, but that, you really have to have no point of view. You really have to have no look for a conclusion or result. It's like, okay, for me, that sounds fun, you lead. And be willing to be willing to notice when the energy changes during sex. It's like, if you're, if you're having sex and then it just goes, what did this person go or what's going on in their head and be willing to be a different energy that changes it also. It's like, for me, in my younger days having sex, it was like, I picked really nasty people to do it with. So my learning experience of sex was being made wrong. So it's like, and that pretty much was up until the time I met Simone. So it's like, then I started doing sex from a place that, wait a minute, this person's not judging me. But it's like, I'd still have that energy there or waiting to be judged. So be willing to know that. And be willing to see when it changes. And then, slow down or have a laugh or be willing to be that which changes the energy. I was gonna say that, have fun. Like laugh, you're allowed to laugh during sex. I love that. As somebody who gets bored in her life a lot, sex is a great place for there to be change. So I like what you were saying, Brendan, about, shift it up, do it in the car, do it in the shower, speak about what you might enjoy and just experiment. And I like what you were saying, Simone, about just have fun, enjoy yourself, let it be what it is. And I could also really resonate with the idea, I'm a strong creator. I have my own business. I've been doing what I do out in the world and I'm a teacher and all of that. And I love with a man to know that I can actually be soft. There's a place where I can just sort of be fluid. That, for me, that contrast is so sexy, by the way. And it doesn't mean that there's not inherent in me also to have the complete opposite, which is also a turn on that I can express that out in the bedroom, I should say, out in the world, in the bedroom. But to have the idea that I can be both or anything in between and have that received, man, that's awesome. Yeah. And I like the idea of change very, very much. And relax. Like, relax. I mean, sex is one of the most judgeable places, but it shouldn't be. It should be one of the most enjoyable things that you do. Yeah. And it's like, and we, I mean, we joked around with so many different things together to keep it light and funny because it's like, it's like, even with like, how long should we have sex for? When you have a child, you know, there's a lot you can get done in 10 minutes. That's great. There's so many rules. Did you do it in 10 minutes? I could, hey, you'd be surprised if you could get done in 10 minutes. When you've got a child in the bath. I used to yell out, can I get out of the bath yet? And we'd be like, no, five more minutes. That's great. Making sex work for you. Yeah. Okay. Well, we're gonna be back in just a minute. We're gonna talk a little bit at the end here about relationship contraction and also their hilarious vlog called No More Sugarcoating. I have a deal for you guys exclusively for Dare to Dream listeners and viewers. And I've made a unique deal with Thinkific available only to you. You can create, you can market and you can sell your own online courses. Thinkific has a powerful all-in-one platform. It makes it so easy to grow your knowledge, grow your audience and educate because Thinkific gives you really easy technology and the best support for your business. My products are up there. The classes I teach are up there. I do webinars from there. It's awesome. You want to go to thnk.cc slash deb and you will get your first three months of Thinkific's high business plan for free. So start now, set up your own online course or courses, grow your business and get your exclusive deal at thnk.cc slash deb. Well, we are here at the end and I do want to get a few more pieces in. Relationship contraction. How does that show up? What does contraction feel like or look like? Well, most people contract in order to be in the relationship. So they'll go, okay, well, now we have us. Let's separate from everybody else so that we can keep us separate from everybody else. So it's like the idea, the idea most people create relationship on is based on that contraction already because they go from, oh, I can do anything. I can be anything to now. Well, I can only be or do what you want me to be or do. So they'll start giving up parts of themselves to keep the relationship. Rather than, hey, I'm me, you're you. Let's enjoy ourselves. Let's enjoy ourselves and what can we create? One of the main parts of creating a great conscious relationship is letting the other person do whatever the hell they want. And that is one thing that I was very grateful for with Brandon that we did that. It wasn't like, you can't do this or you need to take me or you need to know. It was not from a need. It was like, hey, go, have fun. Whatever that is, whether it was, like I said, spending money or leaving to go to another country or go away somewhere or whatever, like a hobby. So you've got to allow the other person to do something. And when you start to cut yourself off based on that that other person doesn't like it, you are definitely contracting the relationship rather than creating something that is, has these possibilities, these endless possibilities. What's the most difficult choice that you've each had to make in order to fulfill the life pass that you've chosen? You mean with access or? No, in general, whatever life path you have chosen, what is the most difficult choice you made in order to fulfill that? I'm going to say that there's most difficult choices nearly every day and every week. And it's the ones where I've got to be willing to not lie to myself or anyone about anything that's going on, like really confront something. Like the stuff that we spoke about before, like when I used to judge my body so much or when every place that you create something less than and then choosing not to create that as less than, that's really confronting. And nearly every day there's like something that's in my face. But what I'm choosing, I'm going to choose more. So sometimes it's not the easiest thing in the world and yet it always turns out greater. It's definitely not the most comfortable. I mean, it's the same for me. I know when the choices present themselves because I know my life's going to expand from it. I know I'm going to be more of me and I so don't want to choose it. I'm like, I can't be that different. I can't be that uncomfortable, but I know I'm going to choose it anyway. And I always do. My life always gets better. So it's like, it's knowing that those choices that you don't necessarily want to make, if you make them and you trust yourself in making them, your whole life changes based on one choice. I've made so many choices in my life where my whole life has changed in one moment based on one choice. And the thing that I would add to that is that look at, I mean, the old saying of like, you don't want to be 80, 90 years old and look at what you didn't do. So have a look at the choice and all the judgments that you have about it instead go, all right, so if I chose this, where will my life be in five years, 10 years, 20 years? Like, I'd hate to be like 80 or 90 and go, God damn, I wish I did that. But it's like, this is your life. Like, are you living it? Like, what if the purpose of life was to have fun and have an adventure? Like, are you doing that or are you trying to be safe? I'm speaking with Simone Molasses and Brandon Watt, who wrote the book, Relationship. Are you sure you want one? You can go to Relationship. Are you sure you want one.com? And if you don't mind, let me know. Dare to dream, what do you next dare to dream? Give me a sentence. What do you next dare to dream, Brandon? What do I next dare to dream? I'd dare to dream every day for a different world. There's something greater where people, even with relationships with everything in their life where they get out of judgment of them. That's what I'd dare to dream. And Simone? Well, I was gonna say, a world with no judgment. Dr. Dane Heer, who you mentioned before, said, when we have a world of no judgment, I'm allowed to sing out loud. So beautiful. Wow. Yes, so again, folks, their book and you've got their website. Also, check out their vlog called No More Sugarcoating and you know they go there and they go deep. Simone, Brandon, thank you so much for sharing your brilliance today on Dare to Dream. Thank you so much, Debbie. Thank you for having us. It's been a pleasure. I end today's show with this quote from James Baldwin, love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. Check out the archives, all the amazing guests I have had thus far. And next week on Dare to Dream, I'm featuring Ken Honda, who's Japan's bestselling Zen millionaire. Ken wrote the New York Times bestselling book, Happy Money. Remember, subscribe to the show. Also go to YouTube if you wanna watch my guests at youtube.com slash Debbie Daschinger. Thanks for joining me today and remember the secret of success is having the courage to begin in the first place.