 Okay, welcome back. Just to reiterate another announcement that I had mentioned in the beginning of the earlier class, that there would be an assessment that will be put up in this coming week, which needs to be completed. This comes to the add-on of your marks for your final score. So please do ensure that all of you attempt the assessment. The assessment will be based on the first five chapters that we've done up until now. It will not be applicable for the last chapter we did on communication. It's only the first five chapters, so please do be prepared. And there will be a set of questions which are multiple-choice questions. So it will come up on your classroom. It will be there on the stream, and you just need to click it and ensure that you've completed the test before the due date. So we've been looking at the elements of a good marriage and we just finished our understanding on communication. We're going to be coming to something that's again another very important aspect of marriage is knowing how to resolve conflicts. Now conflicts, as we all know, are inevitable. It is something that is normal. It is natural. It's something that happens in every relationship. Yes, and I'm sure all of us do agree. So even in marriage, even though we may desire to have a relationship or a marriage that is away from conflict, there are times that you will find yourself in arguments, in quarrels, in disagreements, which could be very simple. Something as simple as like I think Avni and I were talking about last time was maybe having a wet towel on the bed or even something that is quite intense in itself, which could lead to a lot of disappointment and pain and hurt and strife within the relationship. So it is common in marriage. So what we are looking at is not to have a marriage which is conflict-free. That I think is it's abnormal. Where there are two people that are going to come, there are ways that are going to be conflicts. But the goal of this chapter is to understand how do we handle these conflicts? How do we navigate through arguments and disagreements that may come about? And that's the essence of what we're going to be learning. So it's a skill. Learning how to manage our conflicts is a skill. Okay. Maybe we'll just quickly, probably a two-minute time to share. Why do you think conflicts happen? What are some of the reasons conflicts happen in your homes? Just to ensure that all of us are awake and we're all here. You can put it up on the chat. You all don't have conflicts at home? Oh, okay. Great. Okay. I'm getting some. Okay. Someone said, Shrikumar said misunderstanding. Samuel said ideological differences. Okay. I think that some people put up their hands. Okay. Or just how we were raised up. Okay. I think she, I think I thought I saw your hand. Food preferences. Wow. Okay. All right. She? Different priorities? Different cultural backgrounds. Different cultural backgrounds. How you're being brought up. Your viewpoint of life. Okay. Okay. All right. Okay. So different cultural backgrounds, lack of understanding, cultural differences. What else? What else has been common at your homes? Culture. Okay. Really, Tarun? Okay. Dressing styles. Okay. Interesting. Who's going to have the last word? Is that it Rupa? Okay. Laziness, lack of sensitivity towards others. Okay. Not having a clarity in the responsibilities that we have. Okay. Being North and South Indian. Okay. Differences in cultures. Okay. Anything more? Anything else? Any other reason why conflicts do occur? Yeah. So if you look at it, there are very many reasons that you can parent till start. Yes. I was actually waiting for that. Yeah. Upringing of a child. Yes. The way that you feel a child needs to be brought up. So there could be very many reasons why conflicts do occur. Factors of money. Yes. Even, there can be even parental influence or influence of in-laws. Right? Or priorities. Or I've, you know, we've seen couples who've had doctrinal differences that give rise to conflicts. So conflicts can occur in so many different ways in certain reasons. So in short, a lot of this happens because, when we, conflicts do happen because we are different. There is a difference in the way that, not just the way that we are in our personalities, but there are so many factors that makes us different. That can be, and we're different in so many different ways. You know, it could be biologically, it can be physiologically in the way that we think, the way that we problem solve, the way that we emote. So there are huge number of differences between a man and a woman that in itself can cause conflicts. And of course, there are those, many of those issues that we spoke about, other factors that we were talking about. So one of the, one way in how you can minimize or bring down conflicts is first of all to build an understanding of these differences that are there. Okay? That we have been created with. And sometimes just understanding this in itself can help to bring down expectations or it helps to resolve certain ideas or why the person has said certain way and certain things in itself. It really balances that out. So what we're going to just quickly look at is to understand some of these differences. Okay? Then some of this, even as you read through this, you may find some are quite, you know, it's also scientific that it is also understood quite scientifically that there are these differences. So there are some innate differences. To begin with, and usually the class has a good laugh at this one, just to understand that anatomically, even our brains are very different. Okay? So the male brain is much, although it's thicker and strong, it's much smaller than the ones of the woman. And if ever y'all are interested, you know, there is the series by a Christian pastor. And his name is Mark Ganga, M-A-R-K Mark Ganga G-U-N-G-O-R. And it is on YouTube and he has an entire series of this of, you know, man and woman being different and the way that he articulates it. It's wonderful. I think if you'll ever get some time, you know, please do go back and watch it. Maybe I think I'll put the link up on the stream so that you can, you know, have a look at it and learn from that. Okay? So, yeah, so, so anatomically also, the brains are very different. Women use a lot more of their right brain and men use a lot more, they heavily work on their left brain. So on their left brain, on the left brain is where there is a lot more of problem solving, usually tasks that need to be corrected and found solutions with. Whereas on the right brain, you know, there is, there is the ability to multitask and being able to do multiple activities at a point of time. So even the way that we use our brains are also scientifically seen to be different. Okay? So if you look at the, you know, the women's brain, there are a lot more of neurons that connect with one with each other. And that's why you would, you know, it would amaze you that most, most women, and this again may be a generalization. There may be some men who can do this as well. They are very, very good at multitasking. You know, you, they're probably able to cook a meal, they're able to, you know, talk to a friend, they're able to, you know, give instructions to their kids. They're able to, you know, write up a note to their friend all at one go. So that's the difference that you may be seeing. Whereas the male has one activity at a time, one thing at a time, complete one and move into the other. Again, this is a generalization. So don't get offended if you are not that way. But in scientifically, this is what it's specific talks about. And there are, you know, papers and there is a link, there is a note in the book for information that you can get if you are interested in understanding these physiological differences. Okay. Apart from these physiological differences, there are also differences in the way that we, we use some psychological process to operate in our lives. Right. So the way that we problem solve, the way that we think, the way that we feel, emote, the way that we may be sensitive, our memories. There are these differences that you would also see. So if you were to take on problem solving, you know, yes, both men and women are able to solve problems equally well. But the, their way of doing it, their approach to it are quite different. Men usually problem solve, they take it as an opportunity to show, you know, to express their competence or their strength or their, you know, to ensure that, you know, whenever there is something that has to be solved, it is done. So it really looks at their competence, their ability to problem solve. Whereas in women, they usually do it in a form of an interaction where, you know, they would like to share and discuss and bring it out in a relationship. That's why you'd see mostly, you know, when men and women go through the same problem, men would, could generally would probably either go out play maybe a football game or they may play a game on their, on their mobiles or, you know, watch a soccer match or a cricket match. And then they feel that, okay, you know, that's it. They figured out how they would like to solve their problems. Whereas women, they will immediately call a girlfriend and say, hey, you know, come out for coffee with me and then talk about in length and discuss it and churn it and mash it and then finally figure that they have, that's the way that they, they have resolved that issue. So it just demonstrates different ways in how we may problem solve. We are on page 110. Charles, we're on page 110. Sorry, I'm sorry that I didn't think yeah, we're on page 110. Right. So does this a result to people I'm talking to or is this just my observation and my experience maybe thumbs up or thumbs down or smiley or something will help me see that okay. Yeah, okay. Thank you, Sam. Anybody else? Or am I completely off track? Yeah. Okay, great. Okay. So I know you're here with me. Okay, so that's that's some way that we we could problem solve the another point of ways. How do we process information? How do we think, right? So when we look at men and women, there is a, there is a book by Bill and Pam Farrell and this book's name is called men are like waffles and women are like spaghetti. So what they say is that, you know, men work in compartments, like if you've seen a waffle, there are these little boxes in the waffles. So it does not interlink with one another. The interconnectedness of one thing in their lives with another is quite limited. When they have an issue at work, it is an issue at work. When there is an issue at home, it is an issue at home. And there is an issue with plumbing. It's an issue with plumbing, right? But whereas for women, they are more like noodles or spaghetti that one thing runs into another so much so that an issue on one part of their lives can affect the other area of their lives. They are so interconnected and it overwhelms, overwhelms, it's overwhelmed with the other kind of factors that they are in this, in them. So, you know, something that impacts them at work is bought back home, you know, has a bearing on the way that the food is cooked. There's a bearing on the way the children maybe do their homework, the way that the table is set that day. So everything seems to be more interconnected to one another. Everything seems to be interdependent on one for women. Whereas for men, they focus on one thing at a time and the more limited number of problems they have to solve, the more easy it is for them. So they're very linear in the way that they may approach a task, whereas women could be more cross-sectional. It affects different and multiple areas of their lives. So these are differences even in the way that we think. So, you know, often, you know, men, sometimes, you know, in counseling sessions, we really empathize with men because the women is talking about a problem and she's bringing everyone around her environment into that problem. And the poor man is really unable to decipher and understand what the neighbor has to do with the fact that, you know, he didn't pay attention to her that morning. So everything seems so interconnected and for the man to really decipher and understand that gets difficult. So it is important for the woman to understand that they don't work like that. They don't connect hundreds of things together. They are very, very compartmentalized in the way that they think. So that's the thing about thinking. The other is about memory. As all men would know and would, you know, maybe raising their hands up and says, you know, your wife would probably know what you wore the first time you met her and where you were, what you'll eat, what are the words you said, you know, how you looked, all of that. And if she was to ask you, you have absolutely no recollection of what she was wearing yesterday, right? So women have an ability to recall memories because it is very intertwined in their emotions. So all of those events are intertwined in with the emotions. They remember, they recollect things because of the way that they feel about it. So experiences or events that have similar emotions have come maybe in a common theme. Whereas men recall events based on the task or the activity or some strategy that they used that they remember. They probably remember it because of something that maybe a holiday they remember because they went in this blue car and there was something that happened there and how they were able to resolve a situation. So men recall it very differently from the way women do. So I think women on the group, be more kinder to your men when they are not able to remember things like birthdays or special occasions. Do you remember what happened 10 years ago on this date? It's a difficult thing because they are not as emotionally wired as a woman may be. So that's a difference between memory. When you're looking at sensitivity or the way we react, women tend to be more reactive than men are in most cases. Whereas men are more controlled in their reactions. So that's why women are able to build more meaningful relationships because of their ability to be sensitive, to empathize, to share, to see others' perspectives and emotions. Whereas men connect easily through a shared interest or by doing things together, which most probably will be something that is more active and physical. So if you are to peek into a conversation between a group of men and a group of women, let me hear this out. What would the group of men be talking about? What would the group of women be talking about? This is just to ensure that you are all with me. What would the group of men be talking about if you were to peek into their conversation? Say it again first. I said what would the... If you were to peek into a conversation between a group of men and a group of women, what would the group of men be talking about? What would the group of women be talking about? Okay, Anita said men would talk about matches and games, men talk about sports. Yes, Shay? So women would talk more about dresses, fashion, the last Emmy Awards. So then men, for men, more politics, world politics, football, soccer, cricket. Yeah, those kind of things, making money, investments. Yeah, yeah, thank you Shay. Samuel? Samuel? Okay. Okay, sports. Samuel said men talk about sex too, yes. Men talk about how we can meet again and how, okay. All right, so what do women talk about? Just women talk about children, food, okay. Men, what do you think women talk about? Women talk about family issues or neighbors, okay. All right. I'd like some responses from men. Men, what do you think women talk about? Women talk about husbands, okay. They gossip, women God knows, men no woman knows, okay. They have no idea about what women talk about. Oh gosh, okay. Women gossip, I think someone said TV soaps, okay. Women talk about TV soaps. All right, okay. All right, okay, that's interesting. So I think you've got the flair about what conversations happen, right. So they like to relate to each other and any conversation that brings about relationships. That's what they talk about. Men like to talk about tasks, things outside, how do people solve it, all of that. So that's how you see that there are these differences. So why is it important to understand these differences? The importance is to be able to recognize and also know and understand that these differences can be ways in which one we are made, we are wired that way. God has given us these abilities wired us that way. And it also helps us to change our understanding. When we change our understanding, we are able to act correctly. I'll give you an example. Let's say there's a husband and wife having a conflict about something, okay. And often you would generally see that let's say there's a conflict and then both of them have walked away. And maybe often the husband probably goes and either sleeps or he watches a game or he may get into work. He gets into that problem solving mode. I'm going to do something about it, figure a way that I can just problem solve. Even if it's not that situation, just problem solve and I'll be able to deal with it. Whereas the woman comes back to the man says, I want to talk to you. I want to talk to you. And the man is in that position of needing that space to collect himself back. And that causes a conflict in itself. So just being able to understand these differences that okay, in a conflict at a time of conflict, maybe it is important for the woman to understand he needs time to just settle himself to regain his thoughts to come back to some form of normalcy. And for the man to understand she needs time. She needs an open space where she can talk. Okay, so unless and until this understanding happens, we do not know how to act differently. So when we fail to recognize these differences, that's when conflicts arise and that's when there's frustration, disappointment. There is arguments and it leads to a breakdown. So while we understand these these differences, we also learn to respect that each of us are different and we serve each other according to the needs that they may be. They may be that they may be portraying just also keeping in mind that even through our differences, there are ways that we can come back together to resolve our issues. Okay, so when the one of the scriptures that specifically talks about this is, you know, in first Peter three seven, it says in the same way you husbands live with your wives with the proper understanding that they are more delicate than you. So what it means is be in a place of understanding not just for husbands, but even for wives and treating them with respect. So knowing when you have a correct view of differences, you, you begin to perceive each other differently. But if you have an incorrect view of differences, it will lead to disagreements or challenges that that could that could later be more difficult to tease out. Okay. All right. So what happens when when we are in conflict. So what is what is your first response when you are when there is a conflict, what happens when there is a conflict, what, how do you, how do some of us respond here. So something that happens. Okay, so the way that when there is a conflict, one of the quickest things for me to do is to shut down. I shut down, you know, maybe just I don't talk. I don't, you know, I move away from there as as an initial response. Okay, so how is it different for for y'all? Okay, we're all human. Okay, so it's okay that we may not have the best of responses. Okay, my husband shuts down and I'm hovering there to talk. Okay, there. All right. Yes, Shay, it was that a hand that you put up earlier or no, not sure. Okay, so how do you respond when there are conflicts? Yes, Shay, go on. No, sorry. I put my hand earlier, sorry, but I can share mine. Yes. So for me, every situation is different. Sometimes I deal with the situation right there. Sometimes I'm required to hold on till I really think things through before acting. Sometimes I'm quiet for a while just to give my wife the idea that look, you've done something wrong. I need you to reason this out. So every situation, every situation for me basically, he forced, I can't say particularly that this is how I did, but I can say that most of the time, I'm usually just quiet and just give it some time before I talk about what happens. Okay. Thank you, Shay. Okay. Well, we have a man who talks more when there are conflicts. Wow, Tarun. And does Lena talk less? And Charles says he talks less. Okay. All right. Yeah, Tarun, I don't know if you've unmuted. No, Lena is saying, see, I sleep more, I don't talk more. Okay. She also talks more, we just, yeah, interact a lot when we are in conflict. Okay. Okay, good. That's nice. Okay. So there are different ways that we respond. Okay. So in conflicts, something that generally happens is our responses are the way that we maybe could be in a place where we are angry, we are hurt or we are offended. Okay. And that's a normal defense mechanism. When someone says something to you, criticizes you, the flesh comes up and says, hey, defend yourself. Okay. And that defense comes in the way of an offense or a hurt or anger. Now, these are normal responses. However, what we need? Yes, Charles. Yes, Charles. Thank you so much. Someone was sharing with us where, like men were talking, like men talk, and then he told us that if you want to lose your battle, when you're talking to a lady or a woman, shout, shout at them. Then you will have lost. They will have won you. And it has guided me and I have now won a lot of battles. Whenever something comes which is boiling me, I don't shout. I don't talk a lot. I keep quiet and I find myself winning. But the moment I shout, I will have lost. And it has worked for me. Thank you. Thank you. I always give this example to my counseling couples. I say, when someone is angry, it is like talking to someone who is under alcohol intoxication. Okay. Because when you're intoxicated, you lose your head. You lose your judgment. You lose your reasoning. And you're saying something that you are not aware of. And being in a position of anger is the same. Right. You are in such a heightened sense of emotion that you lose judgment of what you're saying or what you're thinking. And the advice that I give the spouses is at that point of time, just like Charles said, simmer down. Do not talk to them. It's like talking to someone who is intoxicated, who is inebriated. Right. So do not get engaged in a conversation when someone is angry or in a heightened sense. Because it's just going to worsen. It's just going to add up to the conflict in itself. Okay. So when we were coming, what we were coming to say is that during conflicts, it is true that the response is anger. The response is offense. The response is hurt. Now, the feeling of anger, like I said, is a normal and a natural emotion. It is something, our emotions are like barometers. It tells you where it is going off limits. That's what your emotions are meant to do. And it is God given. So it's perfectly okay to have the feeling of being angry. What can become sinful is when we permit our anger to take over us, to control us. When our anger becomes destructive, when we act on that anger, that later we begin to see that what we did has been painful or has been hurtful. So it is a normal emotion. Anger, sadness, all of that, normal emotions. And it is okay that we feel angry. But what we do with the anger, how we express it, is it being constructive or has it taken on a destructive phase is what really matters over here. So we must be careful that we do not let it out. We do not lose it. We do not lose control over it. So before it loses that place of control, we need to pause. We need to time out. We need to ensure that we have bought it to a place of stop so that we can go back, reflect, figure out what is going on inside of us and then come in and deal with it. Okay, that was the question. So is there a good anger and a bad anger? Okay, I wouldn't define it as a good anger and a bad anger. But there are times that you need to have the anger that will spur you into an action. Like for example, you're walking down the street and let's say you see somebody abusing someone. Okay, maybe a man abusing a child. Okay, there is that sense of anger that will help spurs you into action to help or to restrain or to give some kind of support. If there isn't or there can be that anger that can come up to bash up the one who is hurting the child. So it really matters how you channelize your anger. So the anger is an emotion that will come, but how you channelize it is what really matters. Is it used for something that is constructive or is it moved on to something that is destructive. So channelizing the anger is important. If you look at Jesus in the temple, there was anger there. Anger for the fact that the house of God was being violated, was being misused. And as he expressed what his anger was over there. But make a note over there that Jesus did express that anger without bringing about hurt to another. But expressed it in order to protect what was given or what he wanted to preserve as the temple of God. So other examples that I can look up, let's say, you know, a mother or a parent who finds their child being abused. Okay, maybe physically, sexually by somebody. There needs to be a sense of anger so that you can respond in a way to help and protect your child or protect children around. So there are ways that you channelize this anger into something that is constructive or something that is that is destructive. Okay, so if the conflict were to get you to a place of anger, often we do know that if we aren't in control of it, it can lead to different ways of expressions, which could be abuse, which could be aggression, which could be in different forms, it could be either through language, it could be through behavior, it could be through words. So ensuring that we come to a place of a pause and stopping the argument then and there and coming back later to address the matter. So if you do see anger, pause, press the pause button and come back to resolve it. We will be looking at steps of conflict resolution in our next class and but we're going to probably stop at a place to understand that in anger we do not proceed on dealing with an issue but pausing it then and there so that we can come back at a later point of time to address it. The other thing we need to be careful when we are in conflict is to not avoid. Very often and I think a lot of times when there is a conflict because we do not know how a conflict may progress. We may avoid even discussions or bringing it back into some form of a resolution and what happens is when we avoid it will fester, it will rot, it will decay. It's like you have maybe some, for example, you have a rotten apple at a place where there are good apples. It's going to affect the rest. If you don't take that out, if you avoid it and leave it there, it is going to grow on the rest of it. A conflict that is avoided or not spoken about is going to fester and those suppressed emotions will again lead to a greater issue and it can lead again to a breakdown of communications. Certain principles when we are angry, press the pause button if we are extremely angry, do not avoid a conversation. Come back at some point of time when things have calmed, when things have simmered to be able to address that. What are other ways? Sometimes it's just not avoidance that we do. There are other unhelpful responses during a conflict. Some of them are of course being aggressive. Being aggressive is shouting and using abusive language, throwing power against the other so much so that the other one is weakened to even respond. So aggression is an unhelpful way. Suppressing your feelings, bottling up feelings, not bringing it out for an open discussion to resolve it can again be a very unhelpful method. There are certain approaches that we may use that derail resolving the conflict. For example, when you are asked is anything wrong, it looks like something is upset. No, I'm fine. Nothing is wrong. And I think that's a response many women give. Nothing. Is there anything wrong? No, nothing. So those are indirect approaches or when you refuse to maybe probably when you're upset banging the door or kicking the dog, these are all indirect approaches of resolving conflicts. But it needs to be bought out in a healthy way. Other unhelpful methods is not talking about the conflict to the person who is involved or to your spouse, but then maybe talking it out to somebody else, maybe friends or others or parents. That's seeking that help and approval from somebody else. So generally, you know, when there are conflicts that occur, when you do discuss it with specially your friends or your siblings or your parents, you are going to get validation and approval from them because they are yours, right? Very rarely would you actually have someone who uses wisdom and says, you know, go back and discuss this with your spouse without me giving you any forms of a form or any idea as such. Okay, another unhelpful response is being unwilling to forgive and holding on to those offence and to that hurt and not letting go of the pain that seems to be in there. The last one being the silent treatment, not talking at all. Okay, refusing to communicate at all. So these are all unhealthy ways of how conflicts are resolved. We are called to be able to engage in a way that is mature. Now, why does it become difficult is because there are a lot of emotions that get involved in dealing with a conflict. So like we said, you know, emotions are God given and they are like barometers that helps us to figure out what is going wrong. So how do we engage in a good and a healthy way is being able to describe how you are feeling and what you want and what you need. So often when we are having a conflict, it's, you know, I've observed that the content is what is actually discussed about. Rarely do we go in to say how we are feeling about it, you know, like, like I took the example in our previous class, you know, suppose your spouse comes back late. We are all talking about, you know, you came back late, you're always late. You don't care about me. You know, you have so many other things to do. And that's what we think we're engaging in, right, maturely. But if we could describe how we feel rather than saying what I just said, which is a very poor example of how you would engage maturely, would be saying, you know, it hurts me when I'm waiting up for you. I really look forward to have a call from you. In that way, I understand that you're thinking of me, or that you respect me, or that you know that I'm waiting up for you. You know, so you have expressed what you feel, you know, that, you know, I feel uncared for, you've expressed what you want. You know, it would be nice if you call me because it makes me feel that you care, you care about me, that I can feel secure in your love. So when you describe what you feel, what you want and what you need and not what is going wrong or what your partner should be feeling, it helps in engaging in a honest way. So honestly, coming up in sharing and confronting the emotions that you may be going through is a very helpful way in dealing with emotions, dealing with conflicts. So when you engage, look more into expressing what you feel, what you want and what you need rather than the content of what has been going on. Okay. Another way of engaging, of course, is ensuring that you do not criticize or put them down, put the person down or have any forms of insults or blaming or saying anything that will put them at a place of defense. So engaging with, engaging healthily also means to take the current issue, staying in the present and keeping away from the urge of bringing up older issues from the past. Okay. If there are issues that's coming up from the past, it just means that the earlier conflicts have not been resolved. Right. If you're not able to stay in the here and now, and many things from earlier has been coming in, it just shows that earlier forms of resolution has not really worked or it has still been unresolved. It's still an unfinished business. So engaging maturely needs to happen in a way where you come in tune with your own feelings also understand the emotions of the other as they are expressing it and coming to a place of following certain steps of resolving conflicts, which we will be talking about in our next class in detail. Okay. Now, if while you're working through these that we've said or even the steps that we're going to be talking about next, if you find that it is hard to do so. It is important to get support and help from anyone who could objectively help you walk through the process of conflict resolution. Sometimes when the emotions are run extremely high, we close our eyes on being objective. Okay. And being in a place of willing to hear what the other person saying. So in a case such as that it's always helpful and good to use the help of a counselor or a pastor, or someone who you trust, who can be as an intermediary help like an inter like like a mediator who can help in not immediate a facilitator who can help in bringing out information or bringing out emotions through the situation of the conflict. Okay. So next week we're going to be looking at seven ways or seven steps on how that they're quite simple in itself and it is something that that that we see in scripture that we can apply as we look at ways of how we resolve conflicts. Okay. All right. Is there we have another two or three minutes is are there any questions if not we can close with the word of prayer. First I just want to say thank you, thank you very much for what you're teaching us because that's and even though some of us are not married yet but it's helping us to be prepared for that for when you get married. Personally, I'm usually when when when when in conflict or when someone offended me. I cannot shut the person out I not shut shut shut them out completely but I'll avoid the situation so I'll, I'll not speak talk about it but I'll find a way of dealing with the person so that we don't end up in the same way so either not seeing, seeing them as much as I used to or talk to them as much as I used to or just like move out go somewhere else or find other friends so yeah what they're teaching us it's helpful. Thank you so much. Great. Thank you, Maggie. So I think we will throw a lot more light on that. You know so is it okay. Is it right for us to, you know, maybe maybe we don't shut the person off but we shut down and sometimes when we shut down, we find that we are lost in our own thoughts of anger and offense that creates certain thoughts, disrespectful thoughts about the person we are in conflict with, leading us to be in a place of unforgiveness and a lack of love. So as we go through those initial steps, when we're going through the next class where we are looking at those steps, it will help us to come to a place of being prepared within ourselves because in conflicts we first of all have to deal with our own hearts first and our rightness with God first before we can go, we can be in a place of actually bringing up, bringing it up in discussion with the other. So thank you. Thank you for that. Okay. Charles, you asked a question. Is there a way of toning down the matter we are talking about is itchy and needs more concentration? Is there a way of toning down? So I think what you meant is when somebody is angry, is there a way that you can calm down is what I understand you've asked. So something that I do with couples is especially in couples where the intensity of the emotional intensity is very high and that they are able to recognize it. Both the couples are able to recognize that the environment, the place is getting extremely intense. What I help them do is I say one of you needs to take the initiative of I mean the speed of discussing the topics and chapters. Oh, okay. Oh, is this going too fast? Charles, is it going too fast? Yes, to me, to me, that's why I'm requesting to me, because everything is lovely, everything you talk is real matter, it's content, it's deep, so that's my request. Okay. I understand Charles. Okay. So what I do is, you know, the next two sessions, we're just going to be dealing with this. So I can come back if there are specifically certain things that you would want me to repeat. I can definitely do that in our next week, because I've kept two hours for the next section, because I know it is quite heavy, there are many things. So yes, I will definitely do that. Definitely. Thank you. Thank you, Charles. Okay. All right. So shall we close and may I request somebody, Anita, could you kindly close with the word of prayer, Anita? Yes, ma'am. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Jesus. Father God, we give you glory for the precious time, Allah Father. Father Lord, thank you for the new insights, Allah Father, Lord Jesus. Thank you, Lord God, that we could touch to the issues, Allah Father. Almighty, Allah Father, untouched. Almighty, Allah Father, unspoken, Allah. Almighty, Allah. They give you glory, Allah Father, Lord Jesus, that there will not be any area in our lives, Allah Father, in darkness, Allah. Almighty, Allah Father, that your light, Allah Father, would bring out. Almighty, Allah Father, Lord Jesus, would strip of you, Allah Father, whatever is not right in us, Allah Father. Father Lord, thank you for teaching us through man, Allah. We bless you, Allah Father, give you glory, Allah Father. Father Lord, we ask for wisdom, Allah Father, for each one of us, Allah Father, to apply all that what we have learned here, Allah Father. We give you glory and praise, Allah Father. Thank you for the precious time and the mighty and match the same of GSI prayer. Amen. Thank you. Amen. Thank you. Thank you, Anita. Thank you, everybody. Have a blessed week ahead. We'll meet you next week. God bless. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you.