 At a young age I was sexually groomed and sexually abused and it caused me to completely shut down my heart. I became very numb. I was literally a living walking dead person and as I was growing up I became anorexic, bulimic. I binged on food as well. I was full of anger and rage and had a lot of emotional pain and as I came into my 20s I had repressed a lot of these emotions and the memories of the abuse. So when I came into my 20s I came to know Jesus and as I started to know him better the emotions started coming up. I started knowing him and his healing power and as I started feeling his presence at times it started fleshing out some really horrible negative emotions inside of me and life got very very hard. I went from being completely numb and shut down to feeling deep emotions that were absolute agony that I couldn't handle. It's like when your hands get very cold they go numb and then when they start to warm up again it's actually excruciating pain. That's what it felt like with my heart. I was a medication for years and I went to many different places for help including Christian counseling, eating disorder clinics, sexual abuse places for women who've been sexually abused to help them and no matter what I went to it nothing helped and during this time my one consistent was Jesus. He was my answer. I would press into him. I was full of hatred and anger at God but I would tell God everything. I would tell God how angry I was no matter what I felt I always ran to God. I always went to him, talked to him, prayed to him and trusted him and during that time it was a good eight years of horrible emotional pain rejection abandonment just day after day of sobbing and sobbing. I never experienced a break from the pain. It was every day all day and if I was able to get any break from the pain the emotional pain it was maybe 30 seconds to maybe five minutes and it would last maybe once every few months I would feel that that relief and then it would all come back again and this went on for eight years it just kept going and going. I flew to Texas for help. I went I did many different things for help and nothing ever helped. I did this for four years pressing into God every day all day because I was desperate and slowly I did notice a few little differences here and there I started to have a little bit of hope a little bit of happiness but the emotions were still unbearable and my friend heard about Hungry Generation the conference raised to deliver conference with John Chi and I thought I would come along on a road trip I thought it'd be fun to do a road trip and at this point I had already hoped so many times I'd went different places and I'd hope that something would change but nothing ever changed and I remember sitting in the audience and just having so much fear such fear and terror inside of me and I realized that it was obviously demonic and I thought that I didn't have demonic anymore very much because I'd been told by another pastor that it was all in my head that if I change my thoughts it would all go away so I had been busy every day trying to change my thinking and just think on God all the time in his presence possible John Chi came and he prayed for me and it was like there was something that took over the control of my body I remember when he came towards me just the fear so much fear and my body like I was thrown backwards like my body is reacted and tried to escape from him going backwards to get away then after at the end he said that there was a spirit of suicide leaving me and that was interesting because many times I had tried to kill myself and then after the conference we we left to go back to Canada and for the first 20 minutes to half an hour I was just in the vehicle just sobbing and sobbing and I was thinking another conference that I left and nothing happened and I can't stand the pain but as we kept driving I was laying in the backseat and I just remember this incredible peace taking me over and this was a deep deep peace that I never felt before and before when I looked in the mirror I'd seen this hard arrogance and it could be mistaken for confidence but it was more of an arrogance and a pride that was in my eyes it was just this hardness this uncaring hardness that was in my eyes and when I looked in the mirror this time though it was this beautiful gentleness that I saw in my eyes so as the days progressed I noticed I could get into God's presence in minutes like the peace that was there before I had to focus and fight for it for ages but now it was just right there no matter where I went and people were also saying that I was a new person and I had a joy like in circumstances that would come up there was just more joy than ever before and also it when the demons left it felt like there was chains that were broken like something was broken inside of me so that it was able to release repressed memories and repressed emotions that were inside of me started coming up more after the Hungry Generation Deliverance Conference with John Chi I noticed that the repressed memories were coming up more and yes it was hard but at the same time it was good because they were going once and for all so I want to encourage people who come to a conference and get deliverance you may leave feeling horrible you may leave feeling bad but just know that something did happen and it might take an hour it might take a couple days for it to unfold and the things that you were doing before the conference you're pressing into God you're praying you may not have gotten very far doing that but when that once the demons leave you do the same things and you notice that you have an acceleration you've never experienced before things happen quicker and quicker faster and faster and you start shining more and more with the glory of God and I'm experiencing God like never before in my life I've never experienced good emotions but in the past little while I'm starting to feel joy peace contentment such good things and it's wonderful it's absolutely I'm a complete different person and I want to say thank you I'm Zion and that is my testimony