 Okay welcome back. We were looking at chapter three where our focus is on how do you make a choice to find to marriage, how do you find and what do you do to work towards making that choice. We did discover four areas of compatibility. We looked at some warning signs that we need to consider to be addressed and to be sorted out. We looked at expectations of how it's important for us to jot down needed expectations of marriage, what we would like to see as qualities and traits. In the person we want to marry, what kind of a home and family do we have visualized in the way we see marriage. We also looked at a certain question on is there an appointed one and only. We looked at it through the story of how Abraham servant goes to find a bride and how Rebecca was in a position or in a place of making that decision. How Abraham servant did not override that decision or her family's decision but went dependent on God's guidance and also looked at the person, looked at Rebecca in making that choice. So that's where we were to. So any questions up to this point, if not, let's move forward in even as we look in on other certain points on making a choice in marriage. Any questions here? Okay. All right, so let's move forward to discuss a couple more of points. Even as we've kept reiterating this one truth that marriage is not just about finding the right person, but it is also being the right person. So it's not only about finding the right person, but also being the right person and what you can do to build a healthy relationship and a healthy marriage. Okay, so the common question that again they're looking for is how do we do the seeking? How do we search? How can we come to a place of how do we do the seeking? Okay, so again, we need to understand that there isn't any perfect person, there is no perfect partner, there is nothing called a perfect partner. So it is not about finding the perfect person. Okay, it is to come to a process of being able to doing the seeking, the asking and the knocking. As you see in Matthew 7, 7 to 11, it talks of ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. Okay, so with whatever you have, we have learned up to now in this chapter. It's important to step forward to go find, to seek, to maybe ask and to knock to find the right person while you are trusting God to guide you and to bring you to the most suitable person for your life. Okay, God brings you to the person who is right but not the perfect person. Okay, remember that everyone, all of us keep progressing, keep growing, keep changing and what we are looking at is only certain guidelines when you are seeking the person. Okay, so one of some of the ways that you can seek is wherever you are, wherever in your own community, in your own church community, wherever you are in your local church community, you may be engaging with a lot of people with the larger community. So pray and consider if there may be people who may be suitable for you or who may be the person God you feel God is directing you to. And once you are able to identify that, get the help of some mentors or some leaders in your community. Alright, before you approach someone, get the support and the help of other leaders or mentors in your church. Also, you can also look beyond looking into other churches or any other websites or matrimonial probably events or programs. You know, attending some of that like in a city like Bangalore, there are times that there are young singles meet, you know, young youth meet together. And there's nothing wrong in seeking and at all the possible avenues or opportunities that you have access to, because God can help and direct you through different ways in being able to help you find a suitable person. So be open to how God would desire to work through in your life. It could also be in opening this up to your family where families are open to seeking people and getting you in touch with that. That's also another way. There are many ways that it can be done depending on the kind of cultural context you are in and where you are. So when you make the decision on the person you're going to marry, remember it is many things. You are being led by the Spirit of God. You are keeping in tune with what God's word says. You are using the wisdom, the knowledge, the judgment, the understanding you have from God. You are also taking the counsel of people around. So when you utilize all of this together, you can be assured that you are making the right decision. So another question that often comes up, especially in the context of finding someone to marry is how does one discern God's guidance? How do you understand and walk in the guidance that God is giving you? So just putting you through a couple of scriptures, Ephesians 5.17 says, understand what the will of the Lord is. And how do we do that is when we are not conformed to the world of Romans 12 too, when we're not conformed to the world, but we are transformed by the renewing of our minds. So that's what scripture teaches us. The renewed mind, what does the renewed mind do? The renewed mind is able to help understand, to reason, to see what is the good and the acceptable and the perfect will of God. When the mind is renewed, when it is in accordance to the word of God, the renewed mind is a place where you can discern and understand and reason what God's will is for you. And while you're doing that, it also takes the guidance or it takes the understanding, the wisdom, the Holy Spirit gives you to understand and know what the will of God is. So when you're designing the guidance of God, you're using the mind, the renewed mind, that looks at what God's will is for your life as well as listening to the Holy Spirit and also thinking through practical things using the wisdom and understanding that God has given you in the word and by His Spirit. So as you're seeking the guidance of God about who you should marry, it's important to take these following questions or these following aspects into consideration. So first and foremost, as you feel that the Holy Spirit is guiding you and you're being led to a person, the first question you may need to check and ask yourself is, does this person have the traits and the qualities that I have been seeking for, that I have put down in my expectation list? Is that something that I see? Are there are the traits and the qualities that I'm looking for? Is it something that I can see in the person? Then is to see if there is compatibility in those areas, the spiritual, the physical, the emotional and the calling that's there in life. That's again what you would look for. Then looking to see if the person is prepared for marriage and are they showing signs of preparation? The next thing you would look for is, are there any specific warning signs that you notice and is it something that has been adequately addressed? Then you would look for, is there anything that indicates to you any circumstance that is there externally that indicates to you that God is guiding you through this? There may be certain orchestration of certain circumstances happen in such a way that God is guiding you into making a choice. Next is, is the Holy Spirit leading you into this decision? Do you feel the peace of God about this entire situation? Is this something that is mutual? Is the other person also ready to say yes? Are you also in a place to say yes? Is there support from others, maybe the parents or other people that you hold dear? Is that something that you see? At the same time, we do know and understand that this may not be possible in every situation, especially when parents do not see the importance of your faith in choosing a partner. So if that sometimes we may not see that, but overall you're looking to see if there is support from parents. And lastly, is there support from spiritual elders who oversee your life? So these are some of the recommendations that you take as you discern God's guidance. Looking at listening to the Holy Spirit through by being renewed in your mind, you're able to reason and understand if your choice is according to what God's desire is. And also thinking through this with wisdom and understanding by what is given in the word and the Holy Spirit. With that, you consider these things in order to make your choice in order to understand what God's guidance is in this matter. Now, there can be a point of time that even as you may have decided to be married, it may take you some time. It may take you a while to find the person or to come to meet someone who you would like to marry, which means you are going to be in waiting, which means it takes patient waiting. So while you are waiting, what do you do? Romans 12 2 says be joyful, be patient and pray at all times. So it says to be joyful and to be patient and to pray at all times. Hebrews 11 1 says to have faith that the things that you hope for is something that you will see be certain. You'll be certain of the things that you cannot see at this point of time. So the search, although it can take some time, even as you're waiting and looking for a life partner, you continue to live in hope, continue to be joyful. Continue to be patient. Continue to do what you need to in this current time of life. All because you're waiting. You do not need to abort everything else around your life. You can continue to stay focused and busy with what God is giving you to do. And this is the right time to be able to work on yourself, to build yourself, to edify, to develop yourself and growing in what God has called you to do. So it's not just staying passively and idly boredom with complaining, with bickering while you're waiting. But it is a time to be engaged in preparing yourself in continuing to do, number one, what you've been called to do and what your larger calling for life is. So the waiting period has a lot more activity than when we think waiting doesn't mean you close up everything else and just wait for the person to walk into your life. But continuing to focus and doing what you need professionally, spiritually, financially, emotionally, as part of your learning, as part of building connections with people. Continue doing that. That is something that doesn't get about it. Okay. The next part of, okay, just stop here for a couple of minutes. Any thoughts, any questions? That's what very quiet class today. Is everybody awake? Is everyone awake? Thumbs up. Okay. Thank you, Anthony. Thanks. All right. Okay. So we'll move on to the next part of it, which we're looking is about marriage. Okay. Marriage. Okay. Let's understand and see that, you know, the five that Matt, I think someone has a question. Okay. Okay. So when we're looking at marriage, remember, it is just not the wedding ceremony. Okay. A lot of people are very excited about what happens on the wedding ceremony, which lasts for a day or maybe two or in some cultures, maybe a week, I guess. Okay. So the marriage is definitely a lot more than just the wedding. So the wedding ceremony definitely is a wonderful, pleasant, memorable event where you and the person you're going to marry comes and shares vows, exchanges vows. And with God as witness is being united. It is the beginning. It marks the beginning of your life together. Okay. While there may be a lot of planning and things and excitement towards that, it shouldn't take away from preparation, from preparing for the marriage. Okay. It's important to prepare for the marriage just as much a lot more than just preparing for the wedding. Okay. Because I think when people get into this marriage preparation into, you know, the details of the wedding takes a lot more of significance, but it is through that you are actually preparing for the marriage. Okay. So remember that marriage, as we've been saying over and over, it's more than finding the right person. So when we look at Proverbs 24-34, it says homes are built on the foundation of wisdom and understanding where there is knowledge, the rooms are furnished with valuable, beautiful things. So deciding to get marriage and preparation for marriage are two different things. Once you have decided to get married, then comes the huge need to prepare yourself for marriage. And it is where you take time to do this. Because as Proverbs talks about, homes are just not built on a decision. It's built on the foundation of wisdom and understanding. That wisdom and understanding comes from communication, comes from talking, comes from sharing one's heart, comes from coming to a place of conviction, a place of repentance, a place of commitment. So taking time to discuss and talk through the different areas we spoke about is extremely important. It's also important to prepare oneself emotionally, to prepare financially, to prepare for what it takes to manage a home and a family, to build a home, to look for how there can be changes that come as a result of marriage. Being able to discuss what the relationships of the larger family looks like, what church looks like, what ministry looks like, what service in church looks like. So there can be many things that needs to be discussed. So marriage is more than just finding the right person, you find the person okay, but then it comes to actually talking and discussing and preparing for that. So we move on to what happens in the engagement period. So now this again can be very different for different cultures. For some cases there may be a long duration of an engagement. For some it's a few months to a few days. There can be something like a formal engagement or it's just a word that's being said. But nevertheless through that engagement period there are certain guidelines that we would like to share so that we know what is expected of us. So the first guideline that we're looking at is to remember that to keep oneself sexually pure, to refrain from any sexual encounter during this time of engagement. That is to place a needed boundaries still the point of marriage, to keep oneself pure, to honour the sanctity of marriage, to honour the sacredness of that intimacy. So to keeping oneself pure before marriage, during that engagement period the expectancy is to keep oneself pure by not engaging in any encounter until you are married. The standards for those in ministry are definitely higher, especially for young people who are serving in ministry or in their church. It is important to hold this in great regard, to hold this in stricter standards. Because if you look at 1 Timothy 4-12, this is what Paul's telling Timothy. He says, don't let anyone look down upon you because you're young but be an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, love, faith and purity. So as a minister, you continue to have your life be an example, be a role model to those because you are being watched. As a minister, you are being watched and people learn from you and you would want to hold those stronger standards. So another guideline is to not play married. That is until you are married, remember you are not married. So which means there are those boundaries that until the point of time that you are married, you as a person do not have an entitlement to the other person's body or money or time or future. So when you're in a premarital relationship, you need to still take care of yourself. Stand on your feet and ensure that you're having a time with other people doing the things that God wants you to do. You do not revolve your life around this relationship. If you do see something like that happen when there are some warning signs where there is a lot of manipulation or a lot of, you know, the person doesn't allow any kind of an interaction with others. If you do find these things, you know, it is important to resolve this and to really consider keeping the marriage off till the point of time that you're able to discuss and work through some of these issues. Often people just keep getting into marriage with the fear of breaking away because of the kind of preparation or kind of things that have already been done. But remember, it's always better to break up an engagement rather than to live through a bad choice in your marriage. So what are some red flags that a breakup of an engagement may be necessary? One is if the other person becomes abusive, is very controlling, extremely manipulative, you know, wants to hold on to things of your life and what you should do, how you should do it. That's an indication of a trait of a co-personality trait. So that's one sign of a breakup. The second one is if they are being very emotionally dependent for every emotion turning to the other person that always wanting to be spoken to, wanting to be cared for, needing to call. You know, these are just some random examples, but you know, calling them wanting to be called every morning, afternoon, night, evening, talking for two, three hours. Not allowing any specific space and being like an emotional crutch, that could be a sign. The third one is failing to carry certain responsibilities, whether it be in their job, whether other commitments, even preparation to marriage where you're not seeing a commitment on what was decided that becomes a red flag. If there are differences in the way you're in your spiritual understanding and your intimacy with God, if the maturity levels are very different, if there are the disciplines towards spiritual growth and maturity, you see that there is a huge lack, even the understanding of what they see in their doctrinal understanding, all of that, if that becomes visible, that's again a red sign. Any sort of problems that you see involving in addictions of any kind, whether it be substance or whether it be sexual addictions, that becomes again a red flag. And last, if there is, if you do find a disapproval of parents and valid reasons that they give you of something that they found or something that they understand, which you've been blind to see, that could be another sign. Okay, so we've come to really work through to see how do you make a choice, how do you come to a place of writing down your expectations, what happens when you get engaged, what's important in the period working through preparing oneself as well as seeing any kind of potential problems at your time, at your engagement in the other person. Okay, the next part of the last part that we will look at is singlehood. Am I, are you called to be single? Okay, so when we look at marriage, we know that by default, marriage is a part of the Genesis Commission by default, it is part of the Genesis Commission. As you would read in Genesis 128, God says, be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. Okay, it is part of it. However, you know, it is also important to consider that marriage may not be something that everyone chooses to do. Everyone in 12, I will read that out. Am I audible? Am I audible? Alright, so we look at how singleness can be a choice that you make for God or choice that you make for reasons for the kingdom, for purposes of the kingdom. Okay, so let's just read Matthew 19, 11 and 12. But Jesus said, not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn't for everyone. Some from birth seemingly never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you're capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it. So we see here how Jesus is talking about what can be some of the reasons why someone chooses to be single. Okay, and here Jesus points out that some may decide not to get married for kingdom purposes or kingdom reasons. Okay, it's probably that they have chosen to keep themselves for a specific calling for God's kingdom. And as a result has chosen to remain single to be on their own. Okay, so singleness could be a choice that you make for Am I audible? Sean is not able to hear me. Am I audible for the rest? Yeah, okay. All right, if there is something you're not able to hear, would you please just put it up on the chat, I can respond. I can respond to that. Okay, so we were looking at singleness being a choice so that you can make for kingdom purposes. The next we see is that singleness is a gift. As we see not all remain single, but it's a gift and you see Paul has remained single. And he does say in these which we read first Corinthians chapter seven, some of these verses, he speaks he explains that the ability to do so is a gift. Okay, and that's something that comes the equipping of of being single comes from God himself. And that maybe not everyone has the ability or the empowering to be single. And so there is no sin in getting married. I'll just read that and I'll take the question mean after that. First Corinthians seven, seven to nine and 28. Sometimes I wish everyone was single like me, a simpler life in many ways but celibacy is not for everyone, any more than marriages. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can't manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single. But there's certainly no sin in getting married, whether you're a virgin or not. All I'm saying is that when you marry, you take on additional stress in an already stressful time and I want you to want to spare you if possible. So Paul talks about it being a gift and being empowered only by God to be to have to be single and that everyone is not in a place of being single. And if it is far better to be in a place of marriage rather than to have temptations and succumbing to that. Yes, Meena, I think you have a question. Meena, John, did you have a question? Meena, would you like to share your question? Okay, I think, all right, it's by accident. So we look at the third one. The third point is that singleness is a choice. So we looked at how singleness is a choice that you make for reasons of the kingdom. Singleness is a gift and singleness is a choice that you make on unspiritual pursuits. So we do see that marriage definitely brings about a lot of responsibilities. And so some may want to live a life of singleness so that they could focus their complete attention on what God wants them to do and to live that life in service to what God desires of them. So even though, so I think over here, we will read that passage out, that even though marriage can have and has many responsibilities, it is not an inferior state, okay, compared to that of singleness. It just talks of the choice that you make. If there's something else that you want to pursue, Paul says, you know, go ahead and do that. But there isn't a one is better than the other situation here. Okay, both are equally honorable and singleness becomes a choice. So let's just read 1 Corinthians chapter seven versus 32 to 38. Would someone else like to read this passage please? Somebody else? Sean, would you like to read the passage? 1 Corinthians 7, 32 to 38. Okay, Sean's not there. Nina Santosh? Nina Santosh, would you mind reading 1 Corinthians 7? Yes, yes. Second Corinthians 7. 1 Corinthians 32 to 38. 1 Corinthians 7. But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried, cares for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world, how he may please his wife. There's a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord that she may be holy, both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper and that you may serve the Lord without distraction. But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly towards his virgin, if she is past the flower of youth and thus I must be, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin, let them marry. Nevertheless, he who stands steadfast in his heart, having no necessity but has power over his own will and has no determined in his heart that he will keep his virgin doing well. So then, he who gives her in marriage does well, but he who does not give her in marriage does better. Thank you Nina. Alright, so through this passage we see that the kind of responsibilities a person in marriage does have. So it says that there are many things that a person in marriage, the attention gets moved to. However, singleness, if anyone is convinced to singleness, choosing a life of singleness, they can continue to focus on their attention on pursuing God. The choice of singleness comes as a choice because you want to pursue things for God, you want to pursue God and the things of God. You want to pursue Kingdom purposes, things to do for the Kingdom or it is a gift that God has empowered you for a life of staying single. So it's good to ask yourself these questions to see if you are called to a life of singleness. So do you feel that you are empowered to be single and have the strength to remain single the rest of your life? If you have an answer, the answer to that is yes. If you feel that there is the God is calling you to a specific purpose, a Kingdom purpose for which if you do get married, you would not be able to pursue freely what God wants you to for the Kingdom because there are responsibilities for the marriage and family. So would that be a yes? And third, is that a place you want to devote all of your energy, your time, your resources so that you could live a life in service to God? So if there is a yes in all of these questions, then it is likely you could consider a life of singleness. Otherwise moving ahead to really consider and preparing ahead for marriage is what is needed. So we've come to the end of this chapter. For those of you who, I mean, for all of us sitting on this call, I would recommend, you know, do an application. If you look at the end of that chapter, that entire chapter has a couple of questions of writing down your expectations in marriage and expectations of the person you married. So for those of you who aren't married, this is an excellent exercise to do. And for those of us who are married, it's an excellent exercise for yourself to rework or to re-engage with your spouse about expectations in marriage, what you would like to see in the future years you'll are together of how you would like to see your family, how you'd like to see your marriage building up. Maybe it hasn't been in a place where you've never had an opportunity to discuss these expectations. But this can be a time where you are actually doing that. So you are reworking some of those expectations and establishing a better relationship going forward. So for those of us who are married, we continue to keep our spouses. Even if it didn't match up to your expectations, it is a call to you to revisit that again, to reconsider and bring back that conversation with your spouse so that your marriage can work towards what God's calling it to do. Okay. All right. I think Jacqueline has a question here. According requested some clarity on 1st Corinthians 728. Okay, I'm just going to pull up that verse. Jacqueline, just give me a minute. Shall I read it? Yes, yes, please. Yeah, but if you do marry, you have not sinned. And if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life. And I want to spare you this. Okay, so your question is, Paul writes that marriage invites trouble and has confirmed stress with it. But isn't it actually given by God for fellowship and friendship and love? What thought is Paul telling us here? Okay, so for the fact that, so I think what Paul is bringing about here is that when you come together in marriage, definitely there are responsibilities. There are different things that need to be done, which number one starts with getting to know the person, understanding each other, learning to know differences, working towards building a home, working towards taking care of finances. Then comes the child wearing, working with the children, bringing them up in the ways of the Lord, taking care of their personal needs. So what he's trying to bring about here is that there are these stress that is going to be there. And there are times of conflict that is going to come. So even though this was established to build, like you said, fellowship, friendship and love, with it also comes its challenges. So he is looking at it from the perspective of when he's comparing it with singleness. When it compared to singleness, these kind of responsibilities or stressors are minimized because you are an individual working towards the pursuits of God. Your attention is not wide with other things of taking care of a marriage and its response or a family and its responsibility. So in comparison to this is what he is talking about over here. So it is something that can be filled with responsibilities and stress. Nevertheless, if you are at a place where, as Paul, if you are going to pursue something of God, he recommends. He says, right, I want you to spare. Okay, that's what it says in my version. I'm just trying to pick it up from another version. Just ask me a minute. Yeah, so it says, it's nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you. So he's saying those who marry will have physical and earthly troubles, and I would like to spare you of that. So what he's comparing over here is a virgin or that is someone who's a single as against someone who's married. It's not something that he is saying against marriage, but saying if you are pursuing things of God, then being single would help you in that pursuit greater than being married with the responsibilities it brings. Is that clear, Jacken? Jacken, is that clear? Yeah, it. Thank you. All right. Any other questions on this? If not, I think we could close. Next week we will be going further in detail about elements of marriage. We looked at the preparation, building a base, a strong biblical foundation, and now we will be getting into the elements of a good, healthy Christian marriage. If there's nothing, let's we could just close with a word of prayer. Can I request one of the students to close in prayer, someone who hasn't spoken today, anybody? Prabhu, Prabhu Manikam, would you like to close in a word of prayer? Or Shivakumar? Okay. Prabhu's mic is not working. Shivakumar or Sean? Gene, I can. Go ahead, go ahead. Thank you. Shivakumar, are we praying? Shivakumar, are you praying? Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, thank you Jesus for this wonderful session of God. Thank you for everything that you spoke to us today through Gene of Father God. Thank you for all the discussions we had, all the things that we need to work on Jesus. We pray, God, as we go back and reflect on the things that we heard and we learned today that you give us the wisdom and clarity on how we need to do it, Lord Father. We pray, God, that we will be able to practically apply these things in our lives and with your help, that we'll be able to go forward and learn things more. We thank you for all the students who are in the class today. We pray, God, that you help them, you guide them and give us wisdom to carry it forward. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. Thank you. Thank you so much, Beverly. Thank you all students. God bless. I'll meet you next week. God bless.