 So today here we are we're going to be looking at Genesis chapter 2 verses 18 through 25 And so let's begin reading together here in Genesis chapter 2 at verse 18 I'll read to verse 25 and we'll get into our study Genesis chapter 2 beginning at verse 18 and reading to verse 25 and the Lord God said It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper who will consistently nag him. Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry That was my own personal note. I shouldn't have said that I will I will make him a helper comparable to him out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them and Whatever Adam called each living creature that was its name So Adam gave names to all cattle to the birds of the air and to every beast of the field But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him and the Lord God Caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam and he slept and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman and he brought her to the man and Adam said this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man and Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother be joined to his wife They shall become one flesh. They were both naked the man and his wife and were not ashamed Well this morning. We're going to begin a series on marriage and the family You already know that we've been studying through the gospel of Matthew and as we arrived at chapter 19 in Matthew chapter 19 Jesus gives instruction concerning divorce Now in chapter 18, he'd been speaking strongly about the importance of forgiveness And we had already seen when we went through chapter chapter 18 that he taught about the proper way to encourage reconciliation between believers and then he went on to speak about the importance of Retaining a willingness to forgive So with this knowledge of reconciliation and forgiveness, it's interesting how how the spirit led Matthew To immediately begin to speak or to write concerning divorce You see the teaching that that Matthew records for us really gives to us insight into the results of not Forgiving one another and he does that in the context of marriage as well as divorce So I want to share with you about marriage and the family and I want to do that for a specific reason It's my hope to encourage those who are married to hold fast in their marriages You see divorce can be an option of course, but it's not the ideal solution for marriage problems We're going to see that in Matthew when we return there that there are biblical reasons for divorce And we will examine those reasons closely But we do so considering what Jesus plainly states is God's plan for marriage Because in Matthew 19 in verses 4 through 6 Jesus said Have you not read that he who made them at the beginning made them male and female and said For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh So then they are no longer two, but one flesh and therefore what God has joined together Let not man Separate so Jesus went on to say that divorce is permitted But he also made it clear that divorce was permitted because of hardness of heart So in light of his teaching on a brother sinning against another believer Jesus's words give us insight You see when there's no repentance. There's no reconciliation There will be no healing and there'll be no restoration. And so Jesus had been speaking concerning repentance and forgiveness and Restoration, but if you don't have that attitude and you have marital problems you can enter into a divorce and So what I want to do in this series is to share messages that encourage us to take marriage Seriously, and we need to see marriage through the lens of Scripture. We need to remember what God calls marriage You see when you look in the Old Testament in Matt and Malachi chapter 2 verse 11 Malachi 2 11 speaks of marriage as God's holy Institution it's the sacred union. It's an holy Institution that God has ordained and as God's holy institution it is to be Recognized as holy and it is to be regarded as sacred You see ultimately marriage represents the union of Jesus Christ in his bride the church We see that in Ephesians chapter 5 verses 31 and 32 where Paul said for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother Be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh He went on to say this is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church So as we begin this series on marriage, I begin it by saying to you something very obvious I don't speak as an expert. I speak as a fellow traveler because I have in no way arrived and Like many of you in this room. I Am continually adjusting and attempting to grow in my relationship with my spouse So by way of introduction, let's begin by saying this in our day The institution of marriage has finally been redefined Worldwide in our own nation many of our leaders have rejected a concept of what was at one time referred to as a traditional family formerly a traditional family unit was seen as a marriage between one man and one woman The family could include children normally born to them after they had been married And you need to understand how ingrained that was in my consciousness and in the consciousness of this nation because Some of you may have heard this before We used to say when we wanted to kind of tease one another You know, we would look at one of our friends and we would say first comes love then comes marriage Then comes so-and-so with the baby carriage and then we go and we thought that was very humorous and very deep But we would do that because we would be teasing our friends first comes love first next comes marriage But you know what? What that did is that gave us the order of how things ought to be love Marriage children, that's how we were raised. That's what we knew as a nation was proper That you first had love Then you had marriage Then you had children But in the era that we live in today Love marriage is not necessary You just have children and what happens is family has been redefined There's a new definition of family and it doesn't even require marriage or even have children Some people actually include their pets in their concept of family. They call themselves, you know Pat parents Pat parents I don't want to knock you pet parent I really don't. I I I do understand Now how a little cat or a little dog can be real? I do understand that How come I would understand that? Well, we had two cats and My wife Marie would come walking around with this cat in her arms constantly And I'd look at her and I'd say man, you need grandchildren. You you need grandchildren Every once in a while she'd pick me up and try and carry me around too. It was just it was really an uncomfortable thing But I saw that and and today we have commercials where they they refer to people as pet parents and There are a lot of people who consider themselves to now include an animal into what they call family I'm telling you We have Readjusted the definition of family to basically incorporate any concept. We might want to invent and That's what has taken place. You see for many to be a family only requires people caring about one another and living under the same roof We know that same sex unions are presented now as as equal not simply equivalent to heterosexual marriages We know that this arrangement has gained the backing of modern psychology as well as courts of law legalized homosexual marriage exists in various countries throughout the world and on June 26 2015 the US Supreme Court ruled that same sex marriage is To be legal nationwide and what has happened is we have redefined marriage The redefinition has eliminated the sacredness of marriage and has reduced marriage to a civil matter It's not regarded any longer as a holy institution It is considered an option as well as a civil right. That is what has taken place And so today in light of that we're going to begin a series in the subject of marriage and divorce from a Christian perspective And somebody has defined a Christian marriage in this way Christian marriage is a total commitment of a man and woman to the person of Jesus and to one another it is an exclusive and sacred union between one man and one woman characterized by Christian principles found in the Bible and holding fast to the standards found in scripture and So we're looking at it from that perspective We know that marriage is one of the ways that the Lord refines us It's one of the ways that God can develop us into the person that he intends to make us into Proverbs 27 17 says it like this as as iron sharpens iron so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend and we know that in the marital relationship that we sharpen one another and So this is something that I wanted to spend time developing Now within the first three rather first nine chapters of Genesis There are three institutions that are established the church human government and marriage and all three of these institutions are basic foundations of what we call human civilization and So we're going to be looking at one of these and that would be the covenant of marriage Now as we begin, let me lay a little bit more of a foundation then we'll get into some practical application I would note with you that when you look at the book of Genesis when you look in chapter 1 and You look at God's creation and all when you look especially at verses 24 and 25 God created animal life Simultaneously, and he did so in great quantity, but on the other hand Man was created Individually you see that in in Genesis 1 26 as well as chapter 2 verse 7 and That's because man is the crown of God's creation. You see Adam was created in the image of God and so God had said in Genesis 1 26. Let us make man in our image according to our likeness So he was made as God's Representation in his similitude or his likeness which makes him the crown of his creation And so as God has created man God had intent for man, and that's what we're going to be looking at Today as we look at marriage We'll do so by beginning at verse 18 in Genesis chapter 2 Where it simply begins in this way it says in Genesis 2 18 the Lord God said it is not good That man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him Now when you look in the creation account in chapter 1 of Genesis It simply says that God did something and then pronounced it good And as I've said to you in the past the first time you ever hear in scripture God declaring something to be not good is Here in this scripture where he said it is not good that the man should be alone That's the first thing that is declared to be not good man was created to enjoy fellowship with God and To have fellowship with others like him And so his aloneness is going to be solved by the creation of someone like himself Because that is what will complete him It's like what it says in the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes chapter 4 verses 9 through 11 where Where it reads two are better than one because they have a good return for their work if one falls down His friend can help him up, but pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm, but how can one keep warm? Alone it isn't good to be alone And so God created us in order that we might have a companion to have fellowship with him and fellowship with someone like Ourselves and so he says in verse 18. God says I will make him a helper comparable to him So notice with me that marriage is God's plan God's design God sees the need and meets it. It's God who says I will make him a helper God initiated the first marriage God knew Adam's need before Adam even realized that he had such a need and God intended to meet that need and what he did is he gave Adam notice a helper Comparable to him So that reveals that Even when you have a relationship with a Lord as Adam did it is still possible to be alone We're created for fellowship with God but we are also created to have fellowship with others and Marriage is intended to fulfill our need to love others and to receive love from someone else Again marriage is God's idea. It's not man's invention intended to license and enslave women God said it's not good that man should be alone, but he also went on to say I will make him a helper This is God's institution and because marriage is God's Institution it is not to pick be taken lightly and it's not to be reduced There's no such thing as reducing marriage from the importance that God Intended it to have and so what God did is they gave Adam a helper and this helper was comparable to him Now Eve was given to Adam He gave him a gift a gift from God and She was the best gift that God could give That's one of the secrets by the way if there was such a thing as a secret in my marriage But that's one of the elements if you will in my marriage that that I have places as a very high in a very high place And that is that I see my wife as being a gift from God I see my wife as being the one whom God said is The best gift he could give to me to help me not to be alone and As a gift she's not to be re-gifted or exchanged she's the best and I really believe that I really I really know that because I had sought the Lord and I'll get into this in a moment And I had said God, you know my heart and the Lord had a Design that a certain kind of woman this particular woman in my case Would be able to fill those empty places empty spaces in my life And and so he brought this woman as a gift God gave Adam this helper and she was comparable to him in Proverbs 19 verse 14 it says houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers but a prudent wife is from the Lord and So the Lord gives to us a gift now There are those who use their spouse in order that the spouse might support them as They are working towards a goal that they want to Accomplish, but once the goal is achieved They begin to look for someone who better matches the new them And that's sad because I've seen that more than once where Where we'll see in the case of a man who's going to school again He goes to school to get his degree his wife works supports both of them pays all the bills does everything because their future together means so much To her and then he ultimately gets his degree gets his new position And then has grown and feels that he's outgrown her because all she's doing is this kind of work And he's in this kind of field and before you know it he he wants a different woman Malachi 2 14 says the Lord has been witnessed between you and the wife of your youth with whom you have dealt treacherously Yet she is your companion your wife by covenant It's a wife of your youth that it was the one that you began with and it's the one you should continue with And it's the one that you should end with and yet you've dealt with her treacherously And there are many who do that. They they think they're outgrowing the woman Well, the Bible says that God gave Adam a helper that was comparable to him When it says he gave him a helper that word helper is a counterpart of himself one formed from him a perfect resemblance of his person She was not less nor better just different corresponding to his exact need He was neither inferior nor superior, but was in all things like and equal to him The the term a helper comparable Well, the idea is that she should be his Compliment to fill up that which is lacking in him. She is a match for him at his side Which makes her fit for him corresponding to him Someone said Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him But out of his side to be equal with him under his arm to be protected by him near his heart To be loved by him a key to understanding this is a woman is not less Nor is she better a Woman is intended to be a compliment not a competitor The rabbis taught that the wife is not a man's shadow So much as his other self his helper in a sense which no other creature on earth could be Again, he was not less nor better just different corresponding to his exact need our our mates fill in our gaps and Help to complete us and I've noticed that in marriage It seems that we can be attracted to people who fill in the gaps of our lives now, obviously We end up marrying people who are very much compatible to us We match well intellectually and financially sexually spiritually those areas line up But in some of the non essentials We can actually find completion with people who are not Similar to us in some of the areas of our life and I've seen that some of you have too if you're married You might be a person who is really punctual. I mean you'll say Church starts at 1045 Not many of you, but you may be and the person you're married to has one more thing to do Just one more thing. I have teased my wife. I have said honey. You're gonna be the last person up in the rapture When that trumpet sounds Maria'll be going out. I'll be right. I just have one more and me over time. I've become very punctual and So I discovered that there are sometimes similarities as well as dissimilarities You know as somebody may be very very clean very fastidious They they want to make sure the house is always just right and then you you marry somebody who's who's kind of messy You know put something down there and and leaves it there because that way they know Where that is and they'll be able to find it later on You may be a very very quiet person, you know, you're real quiet and subdued But you you married someone with a ton of personality Very outgoing and all in that's good because it fills the gaps of your life and there's nothing wrong with that That's there's something great about that be honest with you. You may be somebody who's very generous but you married somebody who's not You may be somebody who is is very cheerful. You just got a cheerful disposition. Everything's great and you married someone who's Grouchy Do you ever wake up grumpy? I used to now I let her sleep and then Actually my wife is very cheerful. She's a very cheerful person. She wakes up laughing. How could she help it? She turns and looks at me. Oh You may be somebody who's very very active and you marry somebody who's not quite so you may be a very Optimistic person everything is sunshine. You know, you see the the glass, you know half full and that person doesn't even see the glass You know the pessimist you may be a person who is very creative and things have to change and you marry somebody who likes things The same you may have married somebody who's very patient because you're very emotional You may be somebody who's very serious and you marry somebody who's kind of silly That's kind of how it works and it fills in the gaps of your life and it's good I'm a very quiet person. I'm not as quiet as I pretend to be to be honest with you Marie can tell you that But my wife is just the most amazing. I say this every time I teach this because it comes to mind We're on a plane and Marie will always be seated next to the passenger that I don't know Because she talks she enjoys them. I do too to a degree. Marie will well, I'll give you an example I've given this before we went to Israel We're on a plane coming back from Israel Israel's a long flight Long flight you're looking at 16 hours And so it takes a while to get home and In this particular flight we had stopovers which increases the time and so we are seated and I get near the window and Marie is the center seat and then there's a passenger next to her and I know my wife and this is a fact. I'm telling you a true story. I'm sitting there looking out pretending I'm looking out the window and this person We don't know is seated next to Marie and I'm thinking to myself How is she going to begin the conversation because I know she's going to my wife is going to visit with the seatmate She's going to do that. That's Marie and So I I'm looking at the window pretending I'm looking out But I'm watching her reflection because I see her and she looks and she And I'm going to talk to this person and she turns and speaks to the woman, but the woman speaks Hebrew Oh, I said, oh, this is a challenge. Will she rise to the challenge? She can't she can't she cannot sit silently What is she going to do and I'm watching Marie? She says something and the woman in Hebrew says, you know, and then says no, I know I know speak English and we're looking at her and Marie says ala Espanol and the woman says oh, see she was a She's a fact it's a fact She was she was a Spanish Jew and I'm thinking okay When are they going to be crying and holding each other? When we got to LA this Jewish woman Marie spoke to her all those hours We got we helped her with her luggage. The woman is holding Marie crying on her and Marie's crying holding grandma Me I just said hi. How are you? I know speak English. Well, right? I'm telling you that's my wife and so the Lord has filled in the gaps of my life With her and I think that we all those of us who are married can probably say something very very similar to that You see what happens is we we actually begin to learn from one another and as we're learning from one another We begin to accept one another and we especially need to learn over time How to accept one another for who we really are? because when you're dating oh You are the Whatever you think they want. That's what you are What kind of food do you like? Oh, I like this. Oh me too You know everything is a me too kind of thing. How about this? Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? And then you get married and the mask comes off. I hate that food never liked that music and So what happens is you actually when you get married because when you marry properly when you're actually the real person That's what I decided and in my relationship with Marie when she and I began to date I because I was one of these chameleons, you know What is it you like where do you like to eat? What kind of entertainment do you like? I was one of those yeah, I'll do whatever it is that you like so I can potentially win you over and I got tired of that And I finally said you know what I finally got to that. I said, you know what, you know who I am is who I am I'm not going to change for you or anybody else This is who I am and I didn't do it in a mean way. It was just this mentality I'm always putting on a new face or a different mask and I'm trying to win people based on who I'm really not So and I would do that with Marie and so when we would go out on dates I would I wouldn't say where do you want to go? I'd say Marie. I'm going to go here. Would you like to go with me? So she got to see the real David. I didn't try to to Do anything that wasn't me and she actually liked the real me So I've never had to wear a mask of somebody else. I've always been me just who I am and so from that platform We were able to develop a real relationship You see what happens is you can't really change somebody by commanding them anyway You better change or else or else what or else what so the way you change somebody is change yourself We have a tendency of influencing each other I am a person who responds to change in my wife as my wife changes I change along I adapt as I change she adapts and and that's how we refine one another and that's how we're being Transformed over the years so it's not like a list. You need to do this. You need to do this You need to do this or else I won't It's a matter of I chose to be with you as you are I love you as you are that doesn't mean we're perfect doesn't mean that we don't need change But it certainly acknowledges the fact that Your commands aren't going to change me and Marie knows that my wife knows that and she can't command me to change I'll adapt her. I love her. I'll do what I can to please her But she can't change my heart. She can't change my mind that comes from the spirit of the Lord and a willingness on my part When I see that it blesses her and she wants this from me I take it before the Lord and I say god if that's what she needs help me to become that man But it's not because she's telling me to it's because she influences me in that way And I adapt to her and she adapts to me And so god brought this woman to be comparable and they were able to Create that oneness that was intended. It's interesting when you look in in verses 19 and 20 Uh, then it makes it very clear That out of the ground the lord god formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air brought them to adam to see What he would call them and whatever adam called each living creature that was its name adam gave names To all the cattle to the birds of the air every beast of the field But for adam it was not found a helper comparable to him It's interesting how god brought the animals to adam and adam named them That gave adam the opportunity To exercise dominion over creation. He was created for this He exercised authority And he exercises leadership You see that in the home also by the way first chrithians chapter 11 verse 7 says Woman is the glory of man and goes on in verses 8 through 9 to say Man is not from woman woman from man nor was man created for the woman but woman for the man When it says woman is the glory of man She's a real reflection of him In many ways in his influence I I still remember my father telling me That he had heard a man complaining about his wife and this was before my dad was a christian And my dad said to me does that man not understand how bad it makes him look When he complains about her My dad already had this mentality that a woman is a glory to the man If somebody wants to be in ministry and they come to me and they say I'd like to be in ministry One of the things that I'm going to do is I'm going to I'm going to see if the wife Is a biblical woman because his real ministry isn't going to be in the church His real ministry is in his home And if his wife is a woman who loves the lord and all that's a great testimony Of the effectiveness of his of his ministry And so he's giving he's been given authority and And and all and and he also in this time had been given The opportunity to experience what it means to be alone You see when the the animals were being brought before him in pairs that that helped him to awaken To the reality of a natural longing for someone like himself And so as this is taking place here verse 21 says The lord god caused a deep sleep to fall on adam And he slept And he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place Then the rib which the lord god had taken from man he made into a woman He brought her to the man and adam said This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man And so god intervenes he takes the initiative on behalf of adami notice he took a rib That word rib incidentally is a word that can speak of an entire side Not simply a single rib So he takes this and he fashions that word fashion means to build He made her and he brought her to adam And she was brought as a design for his blessing But as this is taking place notice how it says that god put adam Into a very deep sleep God knew adam's need before adam even realized that he had such a need It's like what jesus said In matthew six verse eight your father knows what things you have need of before you ask So god knows and so at this point i'd like to make an application And that would be this is where many singles need to be A sleep to desires for marriage And i'll speak for a moment to the unmarried here I would say that if you have a desire to be married to some have a gifting of the lord And you have no desire for marriage. It's also called wisdom Wisdom God knows your need And god knows your desire And so i would say to you this i would say please do not rush into dating relationships Because by rushing into a dating relationship it can ultimately cost you You need to remember that there are worse things Than being unmarried And one of the worst things is being unequally yoked with someone who does not love the lord And if you marry a person who's not a christian You're going to bring sorrow upon yourself And you're going To disobey the lord In second carinthians chapter six verse 14 paul said it like this he said do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness what communion Has light with darkness So if you're unmarried and you have a desire to marry My past rule advice is to wait Wait for the lord to bring the best to you You see right now you're free to serve without any distractions Now single parents have an especially difficult time But rushing into a bad marriage Makes it even worse You see pressures in marriage often cause tremendous frustration In first carinthians 7 verses 32 and 33 paul said i want you to be without care He who is unmarried cares for the things of the lord how he may please the lord But he who is married cares about the things of the world how he may please his wife and that's true I did a bible study. I Was talking to some of the young men after the study and And there were two or three of them and they said pastor david you want to go out for some coffee? And I started laughing I said i'd love to but i'm married I'm married. Yeah, but yeah, I said I said boys. I'm married. I I said i'd enjoy it You know i actually do i mean i like sitting down with the young guys. I love to visit with them I enjoy hearing their stories and ministering to them. I love to do that That's why for me men's things are so important That's why men's retreats are so important. That's why men's breakfast and and and things like that, you know The empty m ministries things that relate to men. I love it and and I enjoy it But I can't always do that because I care about how to please my wife And and she's my priority and so when you're single you can be a missionary when you're single You can do a lot of ministry or when you're single you can travel There are many things you can do that once you get married Maybe curtailed or at least modified So remain unmarried until the lord brings somebody and then then bring that into your life now Again speak into the unmarried If you are presently dating If you're presently dating Evaluate Your present relationship And be mature enough to establish dating criteria That's not That's not unwise But wise it seems that sometimes We can be more careful when we buy a car or buy clothes Then when we make decisions for our life Don't just go out with anybody Be particular about who you date Because the person you date is that when you're going to end up marrying When my kids were younger and they were wanting to go out and all and they're in high school and They might say i'm going to go out with somebody I would say to them are they believers and they would say oh, yeah, they go to church And I'd say no, I didn't ask whether they went to church. I said are they believers Because sometimes you don't really evaluate from that particular perspective and you need to really be wise because You need to realize this is leading to something else. I I still remember hearing from my kids on occasion That i'm not marrying them. We're just going out For a date and I said, you know I married the girl I dated I mean, that's how You connect to be married As you begin through dating so be wise in your dating And so I really believe that you need to establish priorities and you need to hold fast to them Also be aware that there's really no such thing as missionary dating. I know that you want to be a missionary for jesus and this and that But there's really no such thing as missionary dating You know You ultimately are going to reap what you sow And you can be terribly hurt If you don't get your life together in the lord and you think that you can just go out with unbelievers and not be infected by them or To not be influenced by them And so because of that and because I've been doing this for a while I I developed some questions that I ask I've modified them a bit added a few things some of you have heard these in the past But these are things that I would invite you to begin to think about just a series of questions And I'm going to just kind of rapid fire spit them out But I hope you can kind of hear some things and connect with them And I'll begin by saying and this is a lot of questions Are they really christians? What is it about them that makes you believe this to be true? If they are believers How would you describe their walks? Or does that even matter to you? It is is it okay if they say yeah, I'm a believer. I'll go to church You know there are guys I've known in the past Who will be anything that woman wants them to be and if she wants a christian man that he's a christian man He'll go with her to church because she invited them But he's not he's not interested in what's being said. Oh, he'll nod his head sing the song But once they're connected he has other things to do And when he has those other things to do they take her away From what she was doing because she's now more in love with him than she is with the lord I had somebody I knew true story A woman I knew many years ago now who Came and spoke to me after a study and said I got married last year I was bringing the man to church And he would come to church and he would listen to the study nod his head in agreement Convinced me that he had a relationship with the lord So we got married And he has now told me I can't go to church anymore because He is god And I'm to worship him that happens That happens He has taken the place of the lord What should I do pastor david? And so that happens be aware of that be aware of that and so Is your walk with jesus improving? Are you getting closer to the lord because of a relationship? Or is your walk with christ declining? You used to pray you used to worship you used to serve Are you still doing that or are you discovering that you're too busy to do that because you have things to do now on sunday Do you together read the word of god? Do you fellowship with other believers? Do you pray together? Have you ever taken the time to share your faith together with other people? Do you attend the same church? Are you willing to change your church home to go to their church? Does that matter to you? Who is the spiritual leader? Is it the man or is it the woman? If you don't go to church, do they go to church without you? What is it about them that you like the most is that their looks Is their personality their education their finances is that their walk with christ? Another question are you are you keeping physically pure in your relationship? Are they telling you how much they love you and and encouraging you to have sex with them? Some have sex But they don't know anything about the person that they're dating because it has simply become part of the date Are you calling them your fiance and living together? Well, the bible calls that fornication And that is a sin and you need to repent and deal with it And that's the reason why we have We had a community wedding and we're planning on having another to help you guys to get your life together Do you find yourself making excuses for them? To your friends, families, strangers and even yourself Have you ever found yourself happy to do that? You just don't know them Well, you know that person you're the guy you're dating is kind of you just don't know them Takes a while to get to know them. You'll see he has a heart of gold Really really? But dad and mom when you walk out of the room they say Okay, should I kill him or should you? This isn't the right guy. This isn't the one that I prayed for And so keep that in mind If you find yourself making excuses for them to friends and family sometimes even strangers There's something wrong here. There's something wrong here And so what does your family say about this person? Does it matter what they say or do you think they're just intruding in your personal life or you're a big person? You can make up your own mind Will you listen to them at all? Do you feel obligated to stay with them? Because you've been with them for so long Do you think that they're the best that you can get so you might as well live with it? And when you go out on dates, what do you do on your dates? Because what you do is a test of where you are in the Lord This person that you're dating are they overly dependent? Are they selfish? Are they jealous? You may think that's cool. All the jealous. They really love me You know, they also may be looking at you as a possession And not a person and you think you're being protected But you're really being kept from being who you're supposed to be You know when There's a certain place in a relationship Where it stops being just a Going out on a casual date and it becomes more intense And there's a certain kind of healthy sense of I'll use the word possession I'd rather use a different one But a certain sense of ownership if you will in terms of relational That is fine. And I've said this to you before but it's like this. It's like When Marie and I my girlfriend at that time Well before she was my girlfriend when she and I would go out on a date And I was around a lot of my friends and all Marie being as friendly as she is She'd go and speak to some of the guys the guys would speak to her and I'd just look and I'd say oh, she's keeping busy That's good. I'll visit with my friends. I didn't think anything of it. I never did But when I began to feel a little more inclined towards an exclusivity. This is my girl I got a little more possessive with her. I did You know, I can still remember we went I can we went to a beauty contest My cousin was in she didn't win because she's ugly But we went to a beauty That's what don trump trump said. But anyway, we went We went to a beauty contest that my cousin who was a very beautiful young woman. I'm just teasing She was in and Marie went as my date. I can still tell you what she was wearing She was wearing a red pantsuit and her hair was ah wild and crazy curly And I was standing in the foyer When she came walking towards me And when she came walking towards me, I was looking at this girl And I was thinking She's good looking. I had never thought like that. I really hadn't I thought Why she's pretty she could be in this beauty contest I'm thinking that when she walks by this big old guy And the big old guy looks at her and just follows her as she's walking by And I'm thinking well I can't do anything I'm not ready to die So, you know what I did she came walking towards me. I took her by the hand pulled her and I gave her a kiss And then I looked at him What What did I do? I took ownership of the relationship And it isn't a jealousy In that evil way you can't do this and you better not it's more no we're committed. I'm going to commit myself to this woman So i'm not talking about this weird possessiveness You know, you can't go and you can't do it and I saw you and going through that iPhone looking at messages. Who did this? Who is this? Who is this? Who is this? No If you can't trust them you shouldn't be with them You shouldn't be with them You got to trust them Amen Because you'll ruin the relationship after a while you just get tired of that nonsense at first. It's flattering after a while It's a burden So you don't need that And so anyway It's not that you shouldn't have a sense that this belongs to me But is a proper kind of sense and so the question continues. Do they control you? Do they bully you? Do they make you cry? often There are times in every relationship where we learn one another's ways and we And and and we'll say things that we shouldn't have said or say it in a say something in a way. We shouldn't have spoken But that's not the habit. That's the thing we learn from we don't want to do that We don't want to bruise we don't don't want to hurt But do they bully you and and actually take a joy out of making you cry? Did they make you feel good or did they make you feel worthless? Now when you're alone with this person, what is it that they say about your mom or your dad or your sister or your brother? Do they have good things to say or did they say oh man? I can't handle this and and intrude on Your family relationships How often do you see them anyway? Do you rush home and call them up or now? You don't even have to rush home to call them up You just say good night getting your car Go to the phone You might even do a little selfie conversation. Hey, baby. I'm driving home. How are you? It's been three minutes since I seen I missed you if any I miss you so much Put your phone On your pillow so I can hear you breathe You're crazy I called Marie twice a week if at all If at all and that would just be to confirm when i'm coming over I'll be there at a certain time and okay, that was it to this day Marie doesn't real call me But our conversations on the phone are very short. I hate talking on the phone. I'm not a phone talker I don't like it. You know and she knows that. Hi, baby. What you doing? Nothing now. No, what are you doing? What are you doing talking to you? I'll be coming home. Okay. See you in a minute So but if you're one of these people, honey, I'm thinking of you, but you just left I know I can't get my mind off of you girl That's kind of sick be careful Do you do do you do domestic duties for them? You doing the wash making their food? Stop Stop it, especially the wash. There are a lot of young women who do the wash for their boyfriends. That is telling me something about your relationship That's so personal. You don't do that You don't have to pretend you're a wife or a husband. You're not married Continuing, are they always in between jobs? Do they borrow money from you? Or your friends? Do they like nice things and charge up their cards so they can buy those things? Are they responsible financially? Do you end up paying for your dates? If you're a young lady and excuse it by saying, well, we're going to get married So it's okay Like I tell you every time I teach this Marie got mad at me one time Because I only spent $10 on our date. That's all she had She had more I'd have been more generous Be very careful with that What things do they do that irritate you and do you plan on changing them? You know that cute little laugh becomes a cackle You know, I've said this I always say this because it's practical when I used to do the The premarital and the young man whom I refer to as the victim when he would be in I like that but when he was when he'd be there looking all starry eyed And his girl would be next to him and and I'd look at him and I'd say What are you going to change in her? Everybody sees things about that other person through a dating relationship That's what dating relationships are supposed to do by the way is expose the things that Need to be worked on so us to get together. So What do you plan on changing in her and the young man? And I did a lot of premarital counseling and I don't remember a single one of them ever saying Oh This bothers me about her. They normally would say something like this. I'd say what about her Needs to change. What what can irritate you and they would say Nothing And I'd say how long you've been dating We've been together for so long And and and nothing nothing She does bothers you nothing No, no, she's fine. So she's perfect Yeah, yeah, she's fine and he'd look at her like So I turned to her I say baby Young lady What are you going to change in him? She'd go to her purse pull out this list Alphabetically or priority They always had something that he needed to change Always and so just be aware of that just be aware of relationships like that. You're not going to change them Remember that not by command but by influence Now this is a question that today is very important to to to ask Are they free to date? Oh, well They're separated You're planning on marrying someone who's separated. Yes You're dating somebody who's separated. Yes Didn't work out Okay, you're dating someone who is presently married Well, when you put it that way, well, what other way can you put it? What other way can you put it? If you're not free to marry them You're not free to date them What if the lord wants to heal that marriage? You have to leave it in the hands of the lord Until he takes care of it and you need to be aware of the circumstances surrounding any separation Because some guys or some ladies are immediately in a new relationship the moment they decide the old one doesn't work anymore And so you have to be aware of that if you're not able to marry them You shouldn't be dating them because they are married Now if they have been married and divorced Why were they divorced? If they have children, are you prepared to work through being a father or mother to them? If you have your own children, what plan do you have to blend those families? Can you get along with the previous spouse? Are you prepared for the different parenting styles that you will have? And for any of the behaviors that you will experience after they come home from a weekend visit with your divorced spouse If they are older How do these children feel about you? Can you work everything through? Are you prepared to deal with exes? Don't idealize this it takes real work and maturity to live in that kind of situation. Some of you know exactly what i'm saying It takes real work Is this really God's best for you or are you just getting anxious? My advice wait for God's best Serve God first and wait on him I say this again every time I teach because it is very real I wanted to get married. I prayed and sought the Lord I told God I want to get married and you know that One of my friends said to me That like adam had been put to sleep by the Lord and eve was brought to him My friend george said to me that's what he did and that's how he met the woman he married I took that to heart and I said to the Lord I have Made bad decisions in the past and I want you to protect me against making another bad one I just want to delight myself in you and serve you My brother got saved I started teaching a bible study. I was teaching the bible study at his house in the city of ontario He invited some friends Young woman walks in he introduces her to us She doesn't know the Lord she gets saved in the bible study I was not interested in this young woman other than wanting to see her right with God My sister madeline within about three weeks or so Of this young woman coming to the study my sister madeline leads her to the Lord And that's how I connected with marie and that's how we Dated and that's how we got married. I had said to God Put me to sleep to myself to my desires like you did with adam May I be asleep to mine And please Lord would you bring the right person to me and my lord was very faithful to do that now My son joseph comes and speaks to me and he says dad You know how you have said about how you met mom and all and I said yes He said I chose to make the same kind of prayer And I asked God To put me to sleep to my desires and he said that's a good prayer to pray He said well the problem i'm having dad is I only did that a couple weeks ago or so and He says and I've met someone at the church that i'm really attracted to and now I feel like i'm violating my promise to God And I said I laughed I have to be honest with you. I laughed. I said son I've never filled in that story by telling everybody that it wasn't more than two or three weeks After praying that the lord brought your mom into my life. He says really dad. I said, yeah I said really son And so he dated this little girl who is now his wife He did the same thing that I did lord put me to sleep to my desire Bring the right one to me. I have to say my daughters in law Are loved by this father-in-law as if they're my own babies And I believe that God does that he brings the right person into your life and God says through adam This is bone of my bones flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman She was taken out of man. He actually sings this is a song He's actually singing and the song is is identifying three things It shows us that he has a full awareness of her derivation From him. She is flesh of my flesh It recognizes his authority because he continued his role in naming her this is woman And he recognizes that she has kinship. She is from me And so he says leave And he says cleave verse 24 a man shall leave his father and mother be joined to his wife They shall become one flesh. They were both naked the man and his wife and were not ashamed They were innocent. They were open They laughed with one another They fell in ship with one another They loved God together And they loved one another Deeply Two perfect people In a perfect marriage And that is what God intended for them To leave and to cleave I want to close by sharing something about A couple by the name of gordon and norma yager They were married 72 years 72 years And so here's the story of gordon and norma Family said the story of gordon 94 and norma yager 90 is a real life love story On the day she graduated from high school Norma promised to spend forever with gordon The couple got married on may 26 1939 They're very old-fashioned. They believed in marriage till death. Do you part said son dennis? They just loved being together Everybody argues once in a while, but my dad said I have to stick around I can't go until she does because I have to stay here for her and she would say the same thing Dennis said the couple left home to go into town, but they didn't make it At an intersection gordon pulled in front of an oncoming car The crash report said the other driver attempted to avoid the crash but was unable to stop I rushed from demoyne where I was working and saw them in the hospital said dennis In the intensive care unit nurses knew not to separate gordon and norma They brought them in the same room in intensive care and put them together and they were holding hands in icu They were not really responsive said dennis gordon died at 3 38 p.m. While holding hands with his wife and the family That they had built surrounded them Dennis said it was really strange. They were holding hands And dad stopped breathing But I couldn't figure out what was going on because the heart monitor was still going But we were like he isn't breathing How does he still have a heartbeat? The nurse checked and said they were still getting her heartbeat through him At 4 38 exactly one hour after gordon died norma passed too Dennis said neither one of them would have wanted to be without each other I couldn't figure out how it was going to work We were very blessed honestly that they went this way. They just loved being together At their funeral on monday norma and gordon held hands in their casket Family said they'll be cremated their ashes Mixed together His heart continued beating through the heart of his wife That's love My heart beats With a heartbeat of my wife That's love And that's why jesus would say But god has put together Let not man put asunder We are one in christ