 They offered me Ace Ventura, one of those, because it was a script that was just floating around. This producer came and he said, well, maybe you and Rob, but who's that dude from SNL who's really conservative? Yeah, Rob Schneider. I was like, no, I passed on it. Jim took it and said, I'm going to do what I'm going, you know, I'm going to put this out. Yeah, everything. He really was like a cancer patient. And he said, sir, you're dying in six months. Because you're the only shot. Roll and action. I sat next to him at the premiere and I felt so bad for Jim because, you know, nobody's going to see this crazy movie. We used to kid each other and I said, Jim, if I ever win the lottery, I'm going to give you $5 million. And we would play around so you could make your movie. Jim Kerry would do this character called Colin Man where you could pull this colon out of his ass, small intestines and lasso criminals and suck you right back into his ass and hold you for the police. You know, just to add each other crying. So I said, I want you to do that. Okay, do that. If I ever win the lottery, this is going on. That's what he did, basically. He made Colin Man. No, yeah, Ace Ventura. There was a point where I think, what was the love interest? What's her name? From friends. Courtney Cox. Yeah, they were there. And I was like, Jim had been so crazy. And I said, you know, literally just like something like, hello, Ace. I said, okay, this is Jim's gonna be normal now. What do you mean, he went. And I was like, oh my God, oh my God. So I came out, I saw Chris Rock in the lobby. This was at the same screening at Westwood. And I said, man, Chris, I don't know what I'm gonna do, man, I feel bad for Jim, but I'm gonna support him because I was laughing. He was so nervous, he was crawling out of his seat. But nobody's gonna see this movie. It's too crazy. I just thought, this is too crazy for America. Chris put his hand on my shoulder like an older brother. He said, no one, David, is going to see this movie. Oh, listen to me. Exactly, I said, okay, I'm not crazy. And you know what happened next? Yes. It blew up. Over 27 million dollars. It blew up. And I forgot, Jim was on Howard Stern and he was saying like the next day, you know, that next week, we were back doing in living color and we would come out and play with the audience and stuff. And he described how I came out there. And I was like, you know, doing a whole bit, like a Jim's movie open last week. And I just wanna say good luck, you know. I'm not jealous or any fucking thing. You know, so no anger here. You heard the Mooney, or not George Wallace and Jerry Seinfeld, Fortune Teller story been confirmed by both of them. They drive out here from New York, literally in like a Ford LTD. They're here, they're on Melrose. It's 1977, neither of them are, they're both been doing stand-up two, three years. Go to a Fortune Teller and Fortune Teller looks at George Wallace's hand and is like, or a palm reader and says, why you're gonna be very, very rich, right? George's like, fucking great. Next one up, Jerry Seinfeld, looks at Jerry's hand and goes, I thought you were gonna be rich. Oh, my life is more like this. As wrong as I was about Jim Carrey's movie, oh, I auditioned for Seinfeld. And I came away like, whoa, this sucks, number one. Jerry can't act this way. Fuck the judges, it's any joke, yeah. Jerry can't act as we out of a paper bag, good luck. And wrong again. We saw him on Benson. Right, right. But the historical society's coming to dinner, got some great jokes the governor can use. You wanna hear him? You're not a joke writer, Frankie, you're a messenger. Please, I'm a Currie. Then go Currie. Wrong again. So whatever I say, go the other fucking way. Yeah. Similar to that story. It was numerology. So he does my wife's numbers like, wow. Well, you know what? There's a lot of struggle. A lot of issues. It looks very dark for you now, but you're gonna make it out and there'll be some daylight in a few years, something like that. Tied right in her story. She gets to me and she goes, same thing. Wow, you are, I've never seen numbers like this. You haven't even come into your own. She said, you're probably gonna start really coming into your career and your fame and your fortune when you're 33. I was like, really? And we get... How old are you at this point? 30. Oh, okay. Something like that. Just wait it out. We get in the gypsy camp to go home and she was crying. We just fought for two days. Yeah, because I got a better reading. Yeah. Well, there you go. You got it. Sure. Did she get half of the 33-year-old money? She got half or whatever that money I got. Okay. And we've built back since then. Fantastic. Yeah, and I hope she's happy. But wait, what did George Wallace do? Was he an insurance salesman? He had some straight job. I can't remember. Like an accountant. Yeah, for a while. Dude, when I started going on the road, I think it was Indianapolis, something like that. I come into this club. My shit was I'm doing two shows. I don't give a fuck how many tickets I sell. I'm not doing three shows, because I went through that and I get burned out. And three shows a night for me, one of those shows is gonna suck so fucking bad. The last one. Exactly. Have you ever been on, this happened to me, where you tell a joke and it's like, did I already tell you that, Joe? All the time. Oh my God. Anyway, they said George Wallace- As bad as my concussion is? I can't remember. God damn it. This is what the chick said. George Wallace was doing six shows a day. They started it two in the afternoon. And between shows, he would have dinner at the bar and talk to people the whole time. As they were coming in. The most affable guy, literally energized by the presence of people, loves comedy, came to see me in Atlanta last time I was there. A fantastic guy. I love George, but I could never ever do that. Of course not, but that's just, that's personality-wise. Yes. Hey, did you like that? Did you like that? Yeah, did you like it though? You want more? Don't wanna work? Would rather watch videos of me grab acid with people? First of all, go up here to subscribe and then go up here to watch more clips. This is like when the weatherman says that there's a high pressure system coming in. I'm a little, I'm not really used to the green screen.