 Chapter 11 of Autobiography of an Actress by Anna Coral-Mollett. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Recording by Kelly Taylor. Why do you not write a play, said E.S. to me one morning? You have more decided talent for the stage than anything else. If we can get it accepted by the Park Theater and if it should succeed, you have a new and wide field of exertion open to you, one in which success is very rare but for which your turn of mind has particularly fitted you. What shall I attempt, comedy or tragedy? Comedy, decidedly, because you can write only what you feel and you are nothing if not critical. Besides, you will have a fresh channel for those sarcastic abolitions with which you so constantly indulge us. It was true that at that period of my life a vein of sarcasm developed by the trial through which I had passed pervaded all my thoughts and betrayed itself in much that I wrote as well as in conversation. E.S.'s suggestion appeared to me good and I commenced fashion. If it is a satire on American Parnuvoism, it was intended to be a good humoured one. No charge can be more untrue than that which I have been taxed through the press and in private, the accusation of having held up to ridicule well-known personages. The character of Mrs. Tiffany was not drawn from any one individual but was intended as the type of a certain class. The only character in the play which was sketched from life was that of the blunt, warm-hearted farmer. I was told that the original was seen in the pit vocerivously applauding Adam Truman's strictures on fashionable society. It was not very wonderful that his sentiments found an echo in my friend's bosom. I longed to ask the latter whether he recognized his own portrait but we have never met since the likeness was taken. There were no attempts in fashion at fine writing. I designed the play wholly as an acting comedy. A dramatic, not a literary success was what I desired to achieve. Lauschen suggested my not aiming at both at once. Fashion was offered to the Park Theatre. In the usual course of events, its fate would have been to gather dust amongst an ever-increasing pile of manuscripts on Mr. Simpson's table. Heaps of rejected plays, heaps of plays, the merits of which were never even investigated. It generally takes several months to induce a manager to eat a new play, several months more before he consents to its production. Making exception to prove this rule, Mr. Simpson read fashion at once. He liked it and handed the manuscript to his stage manager, Mr. Berry, who also approved it and pronounced that the play would make a hit. A few days more, and I received official information that fashion was accepted by the Park Theatre, that it would be produced without delay and in the style of a great magnificence. Also, that I would receive an author's benefit on the third night and a certain percentage of the nightly receipts of the theatre for every performance of the play after it had run a stipulated number of nights. On listening to this intelligence, I very quietly asked myself whether I was awake. It took some time and needed some practical experiments upon my own sensibilities before I could feel assured that I was not enjoying a pleasant dream. I was almost too much surprised to be elated. It was necessary that I should call on Mr. Berry to hear his suggestions concerning the casting of the play and certain slight alterations. I did so, and listened without seeming attention to his laying down of dramatic law. But I was in a state of agreeable bewilderment throughout the whole interview. When I rose to leave and received his very patronizing congratulations on having written a remarkable play, I could not help fancying that he was saying to himself what a silly little soul it is. Indeed, I half expected that he was going to pat me on the head and commend me for my smartness. The impression I left upon his mind was certainly not that I was a very formidable or very brilliant character. The play was at once announced and put into rehearsal. The day before its representation I became anxious to witness one of these rehearsals that I might form some idea of its chances of success. It is an author's privilege to attend the rehearsals of his own production. His knowledge seats being at the manager's table upon the stage. He is also at liberty to make suggestions to the actors' explanatory of his ideas, though as a general rule he finds that they understand what he intended much better than he does himself. At least they politely assure him that such is the case. Of these customs I was too unsure of success to avail myself. I preferred to overlook the mysterious doings from a private box unseen by the actors. Rehearsal was just commencing when Mr. Moffatt and myself were introduced by Mr. Blake. For many years the boxkeeper of the Park Theater into the theater. The whole front of the building was so dark that we had to feel our way stumbling over benches and chairs succeeded in gaining our seats. The stage was lighted by a single branch of gas shooting up to the height of several feet in the center of the footlights. It sent forth a dim blue spectral light that gave a phantom-like appearance to the surrounding objects. On the right of the stage was the prompter's table. On the left the manager's table. Beneath the ghastly light set a pale-faced prompter in a descriptive fashion in his hand. On the side stood a call-boy, a child of about ten years of age. He held a long strip of paper somewhat resembling the tailor's bill of young spin-thrifts as they are represented on the stage. This was the call for the actors and directed him which to summon from the green room. The rehearsal of fashion had begun. It was singular to see these kings and queens of the stage whom I had been accustomed to behold bedecked in golden embroidered robes and jewel crowns, glittering in the full blaze of the footlights, now moving about in this visible darkness. Some of the men in shocking bad hats and rough overcoats and the women in modern bonnets in place of tiaras or wreaths of flowers and mantles and warm cloaks instead of peasant overcoats or brocade trains. I found it difficult to recognize the romantic heroes and injured heroines in those sufferings I had so often sympathized. Every actor held his part to which he constantly referred. It gave me an odd sensation to hear my own language uttered in all variety of tones and often conveying a meaning of which I did not suppose it to be susceptible. I discovered that a rehearsal was a very serious affair. There was no laughing except now and then at the situations of the play at which, by the by, I was particularly flattered. No talking except in reference to the business of the scene and now and then a remark from some critical malcontent which was never intended for the author's ears. There are two dances in the fourth act of fashion and these were gone through with a business-like gravity that was alarming. While witnessing this solemn rehearsal I began to fancy I had made a mistake and unconsciously written a tragedy. Rehearsal lasted several hours at its close when we stumbled through the dark passage to the box office and stood once more in the light of day it seemed to me again as though I had been dreaming but the dream was a very sober one and while it lasted I received a lesson upon the vanity of human wishes. Of the probable success of the play I could not form the faintest idea. The next night fashion was produced with an anxious heart I took my seat in the same private box from which I had overlooked the gloomy rehearsal on the day previous. What a different aspect everything wore the theatre flooded with lights the gay decorations the finely painted drop curtain the boxes filled with beautiful women the dense crowd in the pit and galleries the inspiring music all seemed the effect of some Scottish glamour rather than a reality the music ceased the gentleman who was to personate the count in the comedy appeared before the curtain and delivered a prologue sergeant it was a capital prologue one calculated to put the audience in a good humour and thus it took the first gigantic step towards ensuring the success of the play I subjoined it though much of its effect necessarily depends on an appropriate delivery and stage action prologue enter a gentleman reading a newspaper fashion a comedy I'll go but stay now I read further tis a native play the homemade calligos are well enough but homemade dramas must be stupid stuff had it but a London step to a do but then for plays we lack the matters and the men thus speaks one critic here's another creed fashion what there reads it can never succeed what from a woman's pen it takes a man to write a comedy no woman can well sir and what say you and what that frown his eyes up rolled he lays the paper down here takes he says the unclean thing away tis tainted with the notice of the play but sir the gentleman you sir who think no comedy can flow from native think are we such perfect monsters or such dull that wit no traits for ridicule can call have we no follies here to be redressed no vices gibbeted no crimes confessed but then a female hand can't lay the lash on how know you that sir when the theme is fashion and now come forth no man of sanctity how shall I venture a reply to thee the stage what is it though beneath thy ban but a daguerre type of life and man a rain poor human nature if you will but let the drama have her mission still let her with honest purpose still reflect the faults which keen eyed satire may detect for there be men who fear not a hereafter yet tremble at the hell of public laughter friends from these scoffers we appeal to you condemn the faults but oh applaud the true grant that some wit may grow on native soil and art's fair fabric rise from a woman's toil while we exhibit but to reprehend the social vices tis for you to mend the audience applauded as was expected of them the prologue ended and the curtain rose the cast of the play was exceedingly strong so admirable that when upon the falling of the curtain after the fifth act an unequivocally brilliant success had been achieved I was forced to admit that my laurels were not of my earning it would have been difficult for a play to fail with such acting as Chippendales in his striking delineation of Adam Truman Mrs. Knight in her irresistibly comic personation of prudence Fischer as Snobson Crisp as the Count Mr. Berry as Mr. Trifony Duyitz as Colonel Howard D. Walden as Mr. Twinkle J. Howard's as Fogg Skiritz as Zeke Ms. Ellis as Gertrude Mrs. Berry as Mrs. Tiffany Ms. Horns as Seraphina Mrs. Duyitz as Billonette the play was announced for repetition every night and the audience loudly testified their approbation the day after the performance of a new drama it is customary to call a rehearsal for the sake of cutting the play if too long and almost all plays are too long as originally written and to make other necessary alterations to this rehearsal I was formally invited by the managers accompanied by Mr. Mallet I gladly attended on that day for the first time I crossed the stage of a theater I was conducted to a seat at the manager's table the theater had undergone its transformation again all was darkness and silence the solitary gas branch as blue and ghastly as ever and the actors in their everyday dresses move mysteriously about in its shadowy light but on nearer view they looked like weary and care-laden human beings instead of phantoms again the rehearsal of fashion commenced Mr. Berry arranged the cuts requesting my approval in a manner which left me very little alternative the principal actors were presented to me and I made as delicate hints concerning certain misinterpretations of the text as I dared venture upon it was very evident that they singly and collectively entertained the opinion that an author never knew the true meaning of his own words his suppositions to the contrary were mere hallucinations fashion was repeated again that night the next one was appointed for my benefit on the occasion the house was literally crammed from pit to dome owing to judicious cutting the performance was more rapid than on the first night and went off with even greater spirit at the falling of the curtain there was a call for the author this I had anticipated and instead of vowing from a private box according to the established usage I sent Mr. Berry a few lines expressive of my thanks and desired him to deliver them before the curtain Mr. Berry then came forward said one of the newspapers the next morning and spoke as follows ladies and gentlemen I am commissioned by Mrs. Mallet to offer you her sincere and most grateful acknowledgments for the favor which you have received this comedy she desires me to express the hope that you will take it rather as an earnest of which she may do here after then as a fair specimen of what American dramatic literature ought to be loud applause with your permission ladies and gentlemen I will announce the comedy of fashion every night until further notice loud and continued applause the audience were satisfied and I was spared the necessity of making probably an awkward acknowledgement in person on the night of this benefit I sent to each of the ladies engaged in the play a trifling remembrance of the occasion a note acknowledging my indebtedness to the whole company for their admirable personations was addressed to Mr. Berry this was framed and hung by him in the green room fashion was played nightly to full houses for three weeks and only withdrawn to make room for stars who were engaged before its production during the run of the play in New York it was produced in Philadelphia at the Walnut Street Theatre under the management of E. A. Marshall Esquire the stage manager being W. Rufus Blake Esquire its success was as brilliant as in New York the managers sent a pressing invitation to Mr. Mahlet and myself to visit Philadelphia and witness the representation we accepted and were entertained by them for three days at one of the first hotels in the most courteous manner our suite of apartments were the best that could be procured our table was sumptuously provided and a carriage stood always at the door at our disposal the conduct of these gentlemen was particularly mention for there are few managers who would feel called upon to testify their indebtedness to an author in a style so generous and complimentary a play may enrich a theater yet as a general rule the manager ignores the existence of the author except so far as his contract is concerned the representation of fashion in Philadelphia afforded us it is difficult or rather impossible to decide whether the play is produced with greater eclat and more magnificent stage appointments at the Walnut or at the park theater the cast too was equally strong at both theaters W. Rufus Blake one of the most gifted of the pathetic and comic old men of the stage enacted Adam Truman Mrs. Thayer was role-less personified in prudence Wheatley as the count Frederick as Mr. Tiffany Chapman as Snobson Young as Zeke Jones as Mrs. Tiffany Alexina Fischer as Gertrude Susan Cushman as Seraphina and Mrs. Blake as Millenette could not be surpassed even by their contemporaries of the park we were accompanied to the theater by Mr. and Mrs. Mason the charming Emma Wheatley of park theater memory our box was furnished with white satin bills printed in letters of gold at the close of the play the actors were all called before the curtain then shouts rose for the author the audience had become aware that she was in the theater if I had reflected on the subject I should have expected this summons as it was I chance to be wholly unprepared and the unlooked for demonstration affected me unpleasantly our party were seated in the first tier and exposed to the full gaze of the audience who now turned themselves on mass towards us the shouts continued and Mr. Mowat and Mr. Mason entreated me to rise and curtsy I could not muster courage and felt more inclined to make a cowardly escape the audience grew more vocerifice at the delay there is no use of refusing you will be obliged to rise whispered Mrs. Mason I saw she was right and answered I will if you will rise also and curtsy with me she objected at first but finding that I would not move and that the shouts were only redoubled she amiably consented we rose together and were greeted with prolonged cheering several times but was not sufficiently self-possessed to notice whether she did the same this ceremony over we took our departure as rapidly as possible I little thought that in less than two months I would curtsy to an audience from stage of that very theater at the door of the theater we were met by the managers who requested that I would allow them to conduct me behind the scenes and present the members of the company this was another unexpected trial of my nerves for I had not overcome a certain feeling of awe towards stage heroes and heroines but I could not with any degree of graciousness refuse we passed through a private entrance leading from the boxes the green curtain was down the stage represented a drawing room in the house of Mr. Tiffany the actors were ranged in a semicircle awaiting us I did in turn and I exchanged or tried to exchange a few words with each of the ladies but I fancied that my remarks were not particularly sensible or much to the purpose the impromptu introduction and the novelty of my situation had confused my ideas and it is very probable that I commented on the excessive heat when everyone stood shivering about me the next day however I hope the remembrance of my awkwardness and embarrassment was a face from the minds of the ladies in question for I sent them each a gold pencil in token of my appreciation of their efforts do you not feel proud inquired a friend of me I answered with perfect sincerity perhaps I should if the acting of fashion had not been so very excellent that the author only has a secondary share of success the secret of that success was that fashion is strictly speaking an acting play and placed in the hands of an accomplished company the characters were recreated an amount of interest was thus kept alive which so simple a plot could not legitimately awaken Edgar A. Poe one of my sternest critics wrote of fashion that it resembled the school for scandal in the same degree that the shell of a locust resembles the living locust if his severity was but just it must be that the spirits of the performers infuse themselves into the empty shell and produced a very effective counterfeit of life after three most delightful days we batted you to our manager host and returned to New York the publishing business in which Mr. Mawa was engaged had for some time been unsuccessful just at this period he failed and became involved in greater difficulties than ever the success of fashion had attracted the attention of managers again I received propositions to go upon the stage coupled with the assurance that I would rapidly acquire an independence the day had come when all things seemed to work together to force me of the necessity to contemplate this step my health was still variable and I had not yet wholly recovered from the effects of long illness I had always intended to resume public readings when I grew sufficiently strong nearly double the amount of physique was needed for a knight's reading than was required for the performance of the part in a five act drama my views concerning the stage and my estimate of the members of dramatic companies had undergone a total revolution many circumstances had proved to me how unfounded were the prejudices of the world against the profession as a body the communication into which I had been brought by the production of fashion with the managers and members of the part company and the managers of the Walnut Street theater added to all I heard of their private histories convinced me that I had formed unjust conclusions rather I had adopted the conclusions of those who were as ignorant on the subject as myself who perhaps cared as little as I had done to ascertain the truth my after experiences taught me that truer words concerning the stage were never written than those of Mary which preface her memoir of me referring to the members of the profession with whom she became acquainted she says our readers need not be told that we consider the stage as capable of becoming one of the great means of human advancement and improvement and for this reason it is that we especially rejoice to see amongst ornaments men and women not only of surpassing talent and genius but which is far higher and much rarer of high moral character and even deep religious feeling let not the so called religious world start at this assertion we know what we say and we fearlessly assert that there is many a poor despised player whose Christians graces of faith, patients charity and self denial the vaunted virtues of the proud Pharisee nor are they always the purest who talk most about purity welcome then and doubly welcome be all such reformers as come amongst us not only with the high argument of their own pure and blameless lives but who having passed through suffering and trial no experimentally how to teach and who teach the persuasive power of genius and the benign influence of a noble womanly spirit these lines had not been then written but they apply to many a woman whom I have known who bears the too often contemptuously uttered name of actress women who with hearts full of anguish nightly practice the thoughtfulness of self and of their private sorrows to earn their bread by delighting a public who misjudges them I pondered long and seriously upon the consequences of my entering the profession the kin dirathon of society had no longer the power to awe me was it right, was it wrong were questions of higher moment my respect for the opinions of Mrs. Grundy had slowly melted away since I discovered that with the respectable representative of the world in general success sanctified all things nothing was reprehensible but failure I should never have adopted the stage as a matter of expediency alone however great the temptation what I did was not done lightly and irresponsibly I reviewed my whole past life and saw that from earliest childhood my taste, studies, pursuits had all combined to fit me for this end I had exhibited a passion for dramatic performances when I was little more than an infant I had played plays before I had ever entered a theater I had written plays from the time I was first witnessed a performance my love for the drama was genuine I had developed at a period when the theater was an unknown place and actors a species of mythical creatures I determined to fulfill the destiny which seemed visibly pointed out by the unerring finger of providence in all the circumstances associations and vicitudes of my life in my intellectual taste and habits and the sympathies of my emotional nature I would become an actress the appreciation of the drama was I think even greater than my own my wishes met with a ready response from him his only fear was that I had not the physical strength to endure the excitement and fatigue of an arduous vocation this had to be tested the consent of one other person was all that I required it was that of my father I had not courage personally to communicate my intentions Mr. Mallet in a private interview with him explained the state of his own affairs the theatrical propositions I had received and my resolves should these resolutions meet with his sanction after they had converse for some time I could endure the suspense no longer and entered the room my father spoke but two words as I silently put my arms about his neck they were brave girl talismanic words they were to me and ever after when my spirits flagged they sounded in my ears and cheered me and stimulated me and made me brave his consent though not withheld was given with some reluctance but he had greater fears for my health than for my success he assured me and my ready ears drank in the words of promise that if I had sufficient self-possession to act in public as he had seen me perform in private my success was certain before I contemplated the possibility of becoming an actress I had partly engaged to write another comedy for park theater the managers desired that the hero should be young instead of an old man as in fashion the part was to be adapted to the abilities of their leading juvenile comedian Mr. C this gentleman's performance of the count in fashion had won him much deserved applause Mr. C was consulted concerning the character which I proposed writing for him and paid us several visits the play was abandoned in consequence of my determination to enter the profession and this change was at once communicated to him I desired to make my first appearance in some of the cities of the union where I was not personally known and to study and practice my profession before I made my debut in New York Mr. C, however, convinced us that this course would be unwise the park was the one theater that could give the stamp of legitimacy my debut must be made there I could afterwards travel and gain experience before I accepted a second engagement in New York he also represented to us that I needed an instructor to make me acquainted with the traditionary stage business of old established plays one who could at the same time sustain opposite characters to me and who would relieve me from the fatigue of directing rehearsals he assured us that he had played the whole range of youthful heroes with Miss Fawcett and other English stars of note and had been well drilled in the duties of stage manager in English and Scottish theaters before I even made my debut he entered into the following contract with Mr. Mallet I was to appear on the closing night of the season of the park theater for his benefit he was to travel with us and play opposite parts to me for one year sharing equally the proceeds of every engagement he was to assist in conducting the business arrangements superintend all rehearsals and afford me all the dramatic instruction in his power it was soon represented to us by managers that this arrangement was hardly a fair one but Mr. Mallet was too honorable not to adhere to a contract once made however disadvantageous it might prove the instant my projected appearance was announced I had to encounter a flood of remonstrances from relatives and friends opposition in every variety of form but tears and treaties threats supplicating letters could only occasion me much suffering they could not shake my resolution end of chapter 11 chapter 12 of autobiography of an actress by Anna Cora Mallet this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by Kelly Taylor the day of my debut was fixed it was in the month of June 1845 I had three weeks only for preparation incessant study training discipline of a kind which the actors student alone can appreciate were indispensable to perfect success I took fencing lessons to gain firmness of position and freedom of limb I used dumbbells to overcome the constitutional weakness of my arms and chest I exercised my voice during four hours every day to increase its power I wore a voluminous train for as many hours a daily to learn the graceful management of queenly or classical robes I neglected no means that could fit me to realize my bow ideal of Campbell's lines but by the mighty actor brought illusions perfect triumphs come verse ceases to be airy thought and sculpture to be done the day before my debut it was necessary that I should rehearse with the company I found this a severe ordeal than performing before the public once more I stood upon the dimly lighted gloomy stage not now in the position of an author to observe to criticize to suggest but to be observe to be criticize very possibly nay very probably to be ridiculed if I betray the slightest ignorance of what I attempted there is always a half malicious curiosity amongst actors to witness the shortcomings of a novice they invariably experience strong inclinations to prophecy failure no wonder for they know best the nice subtleties of their own art the unexpected barriers that start up between the neophyte and his goal only those actors who are engaged in the scene rehearsed are permitted to occupy the stage the play was the Lady of Lyon Mrs. Vernon as Madame de Chapelle and I as Pauline took our seats to open the first scene the actors crowded around the wings eager to pass judgment on the trembling debutant the stage manager seated at his table and her with cold and scrutinizing eyes the pale prompter laid his book upon his knee that he might stare at her more deliberately even the sleepy little call boy regardless of the summons in his hand put on the sapient look and attitude of a critic if I could but shut out all these eyes I said to myself but turn wherever I would they met me put me in on all sides girdled me with freezing influences after we had taken our seats there was a moment's awful silence it was broken by Mr. Berry's dignified he was alarmingly dignified commence if you please Mrs. Vernon spoke the first few lines of the play by a resolute effort forcing myself into composure I replied I cannot tell you why but the sound of my own voice distinct and untrimulus reassured me the Rubicon was passed I thought no more of the surrounding eyes so full of speculation of the covert ill wishes of the secret condemnations I gave myself up to the part and acted with all the abandon and intensity of which I was capable during the rehearsal of the third act I was startled by a sudden burst of applause it came from a crowd of actors at the side scenes an involuntary and most unusual tribute to say it produced no effect upon me would be affectation for a moment my equanimity was pleasurably destroyed I had tasted the first drop in the honeyed cup of success go on if you would please go on said Mr. Berry noticing the pause and I went on the play continued and ended without further interruption when it was over the company gathered around me with tokens of undisguised interest from many lips I received the delightful assurance that if I was not frightened at night I should achieve a great triumph I shall not be frightened I answered confidently not be frightened reiterated Mr. Skewrett he was at that time the low comedian of the park theatre don't lay such a flattering unction to your soul when night comes you will be frightened half out of your senses you don't know what stage fright is I have a talisman to keep off stage fright the motive that brings me upon the stage we shall see was his incredulous answer non-bet actors can thoroughly comprehend the meaning of the appalling words stage fright the nightmare of the profession a sensation of icy terror to which no language can give adequate utterance I have seen veteran actors who have studied some new character until every syllable of the author seemed indelibly written on their brains who had rehearsed their parts with the most telling enthusiasm who gloried in the prospect of making a hit at last when night came and they stood before footlegs to embody the ideal creation for the first time I have seen them seized with a sudden tremor their utterance choked their eyes rolling about or fixed on vacancy their limbs shaking and every faculty paralyzed I was not initiated into the horrors of stage fright on the first night of my performance but the dramatic incubus visited me in its worst form on an equally important occasion nor was the attack the sole one in my professional life but what magic the demon can be exercised remains an undiscovered mystery the morning of my debut was passed with my sisters scarcely an illusion was made to the trying event which must take place that evening the rich apparel spread out upon my bed received its finishing touches at their hands and was consecrated by a few silent tears one of my sisters only Julia, the youngest had the courage to be present when that attire was worn my costume was chosen by Mrs. Vernon almost the first actress with whom I became acquainted a lady highly respected in the profession her name and that of her relatives have done honor to the stage for a long series of years as we drove to the theater at night the carriage passed my father's house there was a group at the window watching us just waved as long as we were in sight I cannot help wondering what sort of place the world in general imagines the star dressing room to be in the days of my nascent I presume that it was a sort of boudoir prettily and comfortably furnished to which the princesses of the stage retired to take their luxurious each but oh the difference the star dressing room is usually a small closet like apartment with a few strips of well worn bays or carpet on the floor a rude shelf runs along one side of the wall and serves as a dressing table a dingy looking glass a couple of superannuated chairs a rickety wash stand these are generally speaking the richest luxuries of the locality such was the star dressing room to which I was introduced at the park theater Mr. Mawet's request obtained for me a little fusion sofa so particularly hard that it was at once recognizable as a theatrical property a thing of sham designated for the deception of an audience I believe even the demand for this delusive accessory to comfort was considered very unreasonable I was just dressed when there came a slight tap upon the door accompanied by the words Pauline you are called I open the door the call voice stood without the inseparable long strip of paper I inquired who he wanted you ma'am you are called what a singular piece of familiarity I thought to myself it is I whom he is addressing as Pauline I did not suspect that it was customary to call the performers by the names of the characters assumed called for what I inquired in a manner that was intended to impress the daring offender with a sense of respect due to me for what he retorted prolonging the what with an indescribably humorous emphasis and thrusting his tongue against his cheek why for the stage to be sure that's the what oh was all I could say and the little urchin ran downstairs smothering his laughter its echo however reached me from the green room where after making his call he probably related my insophisticated inquiry at that moment Mr. Mawik came to conduct me to the stage Mrs. Vernon who played my mother was already seated at a small table in Madame Deschappels drawing room I took my place on a sofa opposite her holding in my hand a magnificent bouquet Claude supposed offering to Pauline after a few whispered words of encouragement Mr. Mawik left me to witness the performance from the front of the house somebody spread my Pauline scarf on the chair beside me somebody else arranged the folds of my train symmetrically somebody's fingers gathered in their place a few stray curls the stage manager gave an order of clear the stage ladies and gentlemen and I heard the sound of the little bell for the closing of the curtain until that moment I do not think a pulse in my frame had quickened its beating but then I was seized with a stifling sensation as though I were choking I could only gasp out not yet I cannot of course there was general confusion managers actors prompter all rushed to the stage someone offered water some scent some fanned me everybody seen prepared to witness a fainting fit or an attack of hysterics or something equally ridiculous I was arguing with myself against the absurdity of this ungovernable emotion this humiliating exhibition and making a desperate endeavor to regain my self-possession when Mr. Skewrett thrust his comic face over somebody's shoulder he looked at me with an expression of quizzical exultation exclaimed didn't I tell you so where's all the courage a the words recalled my boast of the morning or rather they recall the recollections upon which that boast was founded my composure returned as rapidly as it had departed I laughed at my own weakness are you getting better kindly inquired the stage manager let the curtain rise was a satisfactory answer Mr. Barry clapped his hands a signal for the stage to be vacated the crowd at once disappeared Madame Deschappels and Pauline sat alone as before the tinkling bell of the warning rang and the curtain slowly ascended disclosing first the footlights then the ocean of heads beyond them in the pit then the brilliant array of the ladies in the boxes tier after tier and finally galleries I found those footlights an invaluable aid to the necessary illusion they formed a dazzling barrier that separated the spectator from the ideal world in which the actor dwelt their glare prevented the eye from being distracted by the objects without the precincts of that luminous semicircle they were a friendly protection a warm comfort and idealizing auxiliary the debutante was greeted warmly this was but a matter of course compliment paid by a New York audience to a daughter of a well known citizen bow bow whispered a voice from behind the scenes I obediently bent my head bow to your right said the voice between the intervals of the applause I bowed to the right bow to the left I bowed to the left bow again I bowed again and again while the noisy welcome lasted the play commenced and with the first words I uttered I concentrated my thoughts and tried to forget that I had any existence save that of the scornful lady of Leon when we rose from our seats and approached the footlights Mrs. Vernon gave my hand a reassuring pressure it was a kindness scarcely needed I had lost all sensation of alarm the play progressed as smoothly as it commenced in the third act where Pauline first discovers the treachery of Claude the powers of the actors began to be tested every point told and was rewarded with an inspiring burst of applause the audience had determined to blow into a flame the faintest spark of merit in the fourth act I became greatly exhausted with the unusual excitement and exertion there seemed a probability that I would not have the physical strength to enable me to finish the performance Mrs. Vernon has often laughingly reminded me how she shook and pinched me when I was lying to all appearance tenderly clasp in her arms she maintains that by these means she constantly rouse me to her toes I am her debtor for the friendly pinches and opportune shakes in the fifth act Pauline's emotions are all of calm and abject grief the faint hopeless struggleings of a broken heart my very weariness aided the personation the parlor of excessive fatigue the worn out look the tottering walk the feeble voice the despair the audience attributed an actor's consummate skill that which was merely a painful and accidental reality the play ended and the curtain fell it would be impossible to describe my sensations of relief as I watched that welcome screen of coarse green bays slowly unrolling itself and dropping between the audience and the stage then came the call before the curtain, the crossing the stage in front of the footlights Mr. C. led me out the whole house rose even the ladies, a compliment seldom paid I think it rained flowers for bouquets, wreaths of silver and wreaths of laurel fell in showers around us cheer followed cheer as they were gathered up and laid in my arms the hats of gentlemen and handkerchiefs of ladies stood on every side I curtsied my thanks and the welcome green curtain once more shut out the brilliant assemblage then came the deeper truer sense of thankfulness the trial was over the debutante had stood the test she had not mistaken the career which had clearly pointed out as the one for which she was destined the carriage stopped at my father's house as we drove home he had heard the wheels and opened the coach door himself fondly and closely was one occupant of that carriage pressed to his heart my sense of distinctive appreciation must have been blunted indeed if his words of congratulation did not fall sweeter upon my ears than all the applause that was still echoing within them he had witnessed the performance of a private box but I had not been aware of his presence the next morning the press were unanimous in commendation the journals of the day were filled with gratifying predictions prophecies that have not remained wholly unrealized offers of engagements in all the principal theaters throughout the union now poured in upon us the first engagement that we accepted at the Walnut Street theater Philadelphia where fashion had been produced I made my appearance there a few nights after my debut in New York if I had abundant cause for gratitude and self-congratulation on the first night of my appearance in public I suffered enough upon the second to atone for all the elation or vanity of which I may have been guilty Mr. C's contract stipulated that he should play opposite characters to me in whatever theater we appeared Mr. Wheatley was an established favorite at the Walnut Street theater he had enacted to the satisfaction of the audience the same role that Mr. C was called upon to assume the manager remonstrated at Mr. Wheatley's being displace various friends assured us that the public would demand him as my support but what could be done Mr. C had the right of supporting me by contract he could not ask to be forego a right so advantageous had he been asked he would certainly have given an indignant refusal the play was the Lady of Lyon the house was crowded to its utmost capacity for the second time I took my seat upon the small sofa to represent Pauline de Chappelle the curtain rose the welcome was fully as cordial as in New York the first act and the second act passed off uninterruptedly as before in the third Pauline is thrown constantly with Claude I observed that Mr. C hesitated in the words of his part now and then he spoke in a thick voice he walked with an unsteady step and when the business of the play required him to take my hand his own trembled violently this is what actors call stage fright was my internal reflection he knows that the audience desire Mr. Wheatley in this part and he is so much alarmed that he cannot act this misplaced emotion as I thought it on the part of Claude distracted my attention and prevented my identifying myself with the character of Pauline in the fourth act during the scene between the widow and Pauline Boussaint and Pauline I began to recover my suspended faculties Claude enters and with the first words he uttered came that sound more fearful than all others to an actor's ears a hiss a faint one still a hiss I heard Claude groan and ejaculate something in an undertone I felt indignant at the want of generosity displayed by the audience as the act advance the hisses were repeated whenever he spoke a succession of false notes and concert could not have a more jarring effect on the nerves I could scarcely remember a line of my part and immediately after the curtain fell had not the slightest recollection of how the act ended after a change of attire Pauline appears alone in the fifth act when the scene opened the audience loudly testified their greeting that no share of their displeasure was intended for me I was too much agitated to attempt to personate Pauline as I had done on a previous occasion I mechanically uttered the words of the text the anticipation of Claude's appearance which must take place in a few moments had filled me with dread a fear that was too well founded the audience allowed him to enter and were silent Pauline makes her appeal to Colonel Domus Claude advances and she approaches him without looking at him I hurried over the language of the part not waiting for his few words of reply and turned to the table where the father and the mother of Pauline were seated then Claude must speak the hisses of the audience were deafening the theater seemed suddenly filled with snakes but uninstinctively the pit had risen in a body with evident intention of violence I afterwards heard that they were preparing to fling brick bats at the offending Claude I did not suspect in what manner Mr. C. had deserved their displeasure that he chance to be an Englishman was I imagined his principal crime and the audience chose that I should appear to my own countrymen Mr. Wheatley their avowed favorite advancing to the front of the stage I rapidly entreated their forbearance what I said I have not the remotest idea for I acted on impulse and under strong excitement believing that I was only preventing a gross injustice instantaneously every seat was resumed a dead silence prevailed while I spoke and applause took place of the hisses there were too many true gentlemen present for Mr. C. to have anything further to fear little as he merited the defense a faint attempt was made to conclude the play the audience offered no opposition and in a few minutes the curtain fell I was unwilling to respond to the call but yielded to the request of the managers Mr. C. offered to lead me out I knew I was unwise to accept his services but I could not refuse him without wounding him more deeply he stooped together the bouquets with which the audience in anticipation of a performance very different from the one they had witnessed came supplied then I noticed that he reeled from side to side and after bending down could scarcely regain his equilibrium I thought it very strange that his stage fright deprived him of the faculty of moving about without staggering when the play was ended the instant we were behind the scenes again he gave way to an extravagant burst of grief and darted off followed by several of his friends Mr. Mowat was leading me to my dressing room when I overheard the Madame Deschappels of the evening say to another lady he got no more than he deserved I wish they had brick batted him the man was as drunk as he could be what a shame I involuntarily exclaimed turning to Mr. Mowat did you hear what that woman said yes he replied and it was too true I saw you did not suspect his situation and purposely left you in ignorance suspected the idea that he was intoxicated never once entered my head nor was it remarkable that I should not have recognized the workings of the enemy which men put into their mouths to steal away their brains for up to that period it had been my fortune to witness few similar exhibitions the painful impressions of that wretched night very nearly gave me a distaste for the profession but I had not entered it for amusement the next night Mr. C made an apology to the audience stating that he had been led to an unwanted indiscretion while dining out and in treating their indulgence they pardoned him nominally but rarely to bestowed upon his best efforts any evidence of approval the engagement was a trying one it was concluded the houses were but half filled and I labored under a sense of depression which nothing could remove at the close of the fortnight Mr. C returned to New York and I remained one night in Philadelphia to appear for the benefit of Mr. Blake the stage manager he selected fashion as the play to be represented and persuaded me to enact Gertrude the character affords no opportunity to play of dramatic abilities and I reluctantly consented once more an audience as fashionable and as crowded as the one which witnessed the miseries of my first night in Philadelphia graced the theater Mr. Wheatley appeared in his original part of the count and was received with enthusiasm Mr. Blake's Adam Truman was more truthful and touching than ever and could not on any occasion have given more satisfaction End of Chapter 12 Chapter 13 of Autobiography of an Actress by Anna Cora Mollett this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by Kelly Taylor we made the tour of the United States and met with an uninterrupted series of successes every night not consumed in traveling was engaged at various theaters for a year in advance in New York we fulfilled a long engagement at Neblos but did not appear again at the Park Theater until spring in that first year I acted 200 nights when I made my debut I was only prepared in one part yet before the close of that year I had enacted all the most popular characters in juvenile comedy and tragedy from this fact some estimate may be formed of the amount of study requisite often after a protracted rehearsal in the morning and an arduous performance at night I returned home from the theater re-read out in body and mind yet I dared not rest the character to be represented on the succeeding night still required several hours of reflection and application sometimes I kept myself awake by bathing my heavy eyes and throbbing temples with iced water as I committed the words to memory sometimes I could only battle with the angel who was up the ravel's sleeve of care by rapidly pacing the room while I studied now and then I was fairly conquered and fell asleep over my books strange to say my help instead of failing entirely as was predicted visibly improved the deleterious effects of late hours were counteracted by constant exercise and animating and the all potent Nepenthe of inner peace I gained new vigor and elasticity with the additional burden came the added strength whereby it could be born as can be readily imagined I was often weary to exhaustion even during the performance on one occasion my fatigue very nearly placed me in a predicament as awkward to me as it would have been amusing to the audience we were fulfilling a long engagement at kneeblows I was playing Lady Teasel in the school for scandal when Lady Teasel at the announcement of Sir Peter is concealed behind the screen in Joseph surface library she is compelled to remain a quarter of an hour in this confinement I was dreadfully fatigued and glad of the opportunity to rest there is no chair at first I knelt for relief becoming tired of that position I quietly laid myself down and regardless of Lady Teasel's ostrich plumes made a pillow of my arms for my head I listened to Placide's most humorous personation of Sir Peter for a while but gradually his voice grew more and more indistinct melting into a soothing murmur and then was heard no more I fell into a profound sleep when Charles surface is announced Sir Peter is hurried by Joseph into a closet Lady Teasel according to Sheridan peeps from behind the screen and intimates to Joseph the propriety of locking Sir Peter in and proposes her own escape at the sound of Charles surface's step she steals behind the screen again the cue was given but no Lady Teasel made her appearance she was slumbering in happy unconsciousness that theaters were ever instituted Mr. Jones the prompter supposing that I have forgotten my part ran to one of the wings from which he could obtain a view behind the screen to his mingled diversion and consternation he beheld Lady Teasel Placidly sleeping upon the floor of course he could not reach her I have often heard him relate the frantic manner in which he shouted from an imploring stage whisper Mrs. Mowat wake up for goodness sake wake up Charles surface is just going to pull the screen down wake up you'll be caught by the audience asleep wake up goodness gracious do wake up I have some confused recollection of hearing the words wake up wake up as I open my heavy eyes they fell upon Mr. Jones making the most violent gesticulations waving about his prompt book and almost dancing in excitement of his alarm the hand of Charles surface was already on the screen I sprang to my feet hardly remembering where I was and had barely time to smooth down my train when the screen fell a moment sooner and how would the slumbering Lady Teasel suddenly awakened have contrived to impress the audience with the sense of her deep contrition for her impudence how persuaded her husband that she had discovered her injustice to him during her pleasant nap the second character which I enacted was Juliana in Tobin's comedy of the honeymoon I plead guilty to the bad taste of delineated with a special pride the peckant shrewishness of the painter's daughter my third character was Bride of Lamermore and then with timid reverence I ventured to bow the knee at the shrine of the mighty master my whole being merged itself into the impassioned existence of Shakespeare's Juliet during the drudgery of rehearsal the actor drops disenchanted from the realms of cloud land where he dwelt with the ideal creations of the poet the incongruous elements that compose the frigid atmosphere that pervades a theater blind his mental vision he struggles in vain to catch the golden rays that flooded his spirits in serene seclusion the charismatic hues of imagination fade in utter darkness the conventionalities of his profession all the delicacies of his inspired conception suddenly vanish and he stands with the bare cold outline of what he designed before him powerless to clothe it with beauty thus I felt when I first attempted to rehearse Juliet disappointed and dispirited I turned wearily from the task but when night comes and the actor lays aside with his everyday garments the Promethean fire is rekindle he ascends from the height from which he fell in the morning external circumstances lie beneath his feet his gaze is upward, not downward he not embodies merely but in souls the emanation of the poet's mind such were my experiences when I first had the hearty hood to enact Juliet no character ever excited me more intensely Juliet's dagger too impetuously used more than once drew blood but I found the sensation of stabbing oneself anything but poetic the dagger's point was consequently dulled into harmlessness once I forgot this necessary appendage of the heroine in the last act Romeo who was lying dead upon the ground was better provided as I stooped to loosen the steel from his girdle the poisoned lover who was aware of my stabbing episodes came suddenly to life and whispered in a sepulchral tone look out it's very sharp you'll stab yourself I well remember my sensations the first time I was ever laid in Juliet's tomb the friar tells her that according to the custom of her country she shall be born in her best robes uncovered on the beer adhering to the text I have since worn bridal attire in place of the shroud like dress usually adopted by stage Juliet's but that night a loose white muslin robe drawn in folds around the throat and fastened with a cord at the waist was the garment accidentally chosen for me it was too palpably suited to the beer the walls of the tomb were hung with black an anti-clamp that shed a luridly green light upon my face was suspended from the center of the somber though temporary enclosure as I lay waiting for Romeo to kill Paris and break open the doors of the sepulchre I heard the whisper conversation of some scene who stood without they were each holding a cord attached to the doors of the tomb the cords according to stage direction were to be loosened at the third blow of Romeo's wrenching iron the worthy scene shifters passed sentence of death upon me with admirable sang foie and decided that I would soon be lying for good and in earnest where I was then reposing as Juliet's representative in the tomb to use the expressive language of one of the men I was booked for the other world and no mistake their grave predictions were interrupted by Romeo's first blow upon the door I was not particularly sorry when the funeral portals flew back and he bore me out of the mock sepulchre Juliet was one of the characters in which I seemed fated to be placed in constant peril of life or limb several times the balcony from which the loving lady of Verona makes her midnight confession to Romeo was dangerously insecure once a portion of the railing over which I was leaning forgetful of its representative nature gave way had I not dropped suddenly to my knees Juliet must have been precipitated into Romeo's arm before he expected her and very probably would not have visited prior Lawrence's cell that night one evening the property man so the individual who has the charge of potions, amulets caskets of jewels purses filled with inequality of coin and other theatrical treasures properties is styled forgot the bottle containing Juliet's sleep potion the omission was only discovered at the last moment the vial was needed some bottle must have been furnished to the friar or he cannot utter the solemn charge with which he confides the drug to the perplex scion of the Capulets the property man confused at discovering his own neglect and fearful of the fine to which he would subject him caught up the first small bottle at hand and gave it to the friar the vial was the proctors and contained ink when Juliet snatched the fatal potion from the friar's hand whispered something in an undertone I caught the words so take care but was too absorbed in my part to comprehend the warning Juliet returns home meets her parents retires to her own chamber dismisses her nurse and finally drinks the potion at the words Romeo this do I drink to thee I placed the bottle to my lips and unsuspiciously swallowed the inky draft the dark stains upon my hands and lips might have been mistaken the quick working of the poison for the audience remained ignorant of the mishap which I only half comprehended when the scene closed the prompter rushed up to me exclaiming good gracious you have been drinking from my bottle of ink I could not resist the temptation of quoting the remark of the dying wit who under similar circumstances said let me swallow a sheet of paper the frightened prompter however did not understand the joke the misfortunes that attended the representation of Romeo and Juliet that night did not all fall upon me the part of Paris was entrusted to a promising young novice he delivered the language was scholarly precision and might have passed for an actor until he came to the fighting Romeo disarmed him with a facility which did great credit to the good nature of Paris for whom life had of course lost its charms without Juliet it then became the duty of Paris who is mortally wounded to die the Paris on this occasion took his death blow very kindly his dying preparations were made with praise worthy deliberation first he looked over one shoulder and then over the other to find a soft place where he might fall it was evidently his intention to yield up his existence as comfortably as possible having satisfied himself in the selection of an advantageous spot he dropped down gently breaking his descent in a manner not altogether describable as he softly laid himself back he informed Romeo of the calamity that had befalling him by ejaculating oh I am slain the audience hissed their rebellion at such an easy death if thou art merciful continued Paris the audience hissed more loudly still as though calling upon Romeo to show no mercy to a man who died so injuriously open the tomb and faltered Paris but what disposition he preferred to be made of his mortal mold upon which he had bestowed such care no Romeo could have heard for the redoubled hisses of the audience drowned all other sound and a Monarch Paris to precipitate his departure to the other world next day the young aspirant for dramatic distinction was summoned by the manager and asked what he meant by dying in such a manner on the night previous why I thought that I did the thing in a most gentlemanly style replied the disconfited thespian how came you to look behind you sir before you fell angrily inquired the manager surely you wouldn't have had me drop down without looking to see what I was going to strike again do you suppose a man when he is killed in reality looks behind him for a convenient spot before he falls sir but I wasn't killed in reality and I was afraid of dislocating my shoulder pleaded Paris afraid of dislocating my shoulder if you are afraid of breaking your leg or your neck either when you are acting said the stern manager you're not fit for this profession your instinct of self preservation is too large for an actor's economy you're dismissed sir there's no employment here for persons of your cautious temperament there are two distinct points which is the greater the actor of the one school totally loses his own individuality and abandons himself to all the observing emotions that belong to the character he interprets his tears are real his laughter real as real to himself as to the audience frequently they are more real to himself than to his listeners for the capacity of feeling of expressing the sensation experienced are widely different the current upon which the actor is born away may or may not be strong enough to bear the spectator upon its bosom Byron says the poet claims our tears but by your leave before we shed them let us see him grieve but audiences say nothing of the kind they are often removed by what is simulated as felt the paste jewel glitters more brightly in their eyes than the diamond of pure water the actor of an opposite school if he be a thorough artist is more certain of producing startling effects he stands unmoved amidst the boisterous seas the whirlwinds of passions swelling about him he exercises perfect command over the emotions of the audience seems to hold their heart strings to play upon their sympathies as on an instrument to electrify or subdue his hearers by an effort of volition but not a pulse in his own frame beats more rapidly than it's want his personations are cut of marble they are grand sublime but no heart throbs within the life like sculpture such was the school of the great Talma this absolute power over others combined with perfect self command is pronounced by a certain class of critics the perfection of dramatic art I have acted with distinguished tragedians who after some magnificent burst of pathos which seemed rung from the innermost depths of the soul while the audience were deafening themselves and us with their frantic applause quietly turned to their brethren with a comical grimace and muttered few words of satirical humor that caused an irresistible burst of laughter heads were turned away and handkerchiefs stuffed into mouths but the star of the goodly company stood wrapped in unconsciousness very touching to the audience but particularly trying to the convulsed actors this singular faculty of keeping a stage existence totally distinct from the actors own personality has many times been ludicrously exhibited to me I mentioned an illustrative occasion I was fulfilling an engagement in one of the English provincial towns the play was the stranger an old established favorite of that audience enacted the stranger and with considerable power it was the first night this gentleman had assumed an opposite character to me we had never exchanged words except a courteous good morning when we met at rehearsal and a good evening that night the play had made a deep impression upon the audience during the fifth act when Mrs. Holler employers her injured husband to allow her to behold her children once more the sound of weeping throughout the house was distinctly audible upon the stage Mrs. Holler had just spoken the words let me kiss the features of their father in his babes and I will kneel to you and part with them forever the stranger turned to raise me from my knees and as he did so whispered in the most lacrimose voice poor things they want in umbrellas in front then in precisely the same tone he uttered aloud the words of his part willingly adelaide I have dispatched a servant for them to the neighboring village he should be backed by this time when he arrives they shall be conducted to the castle they may remain with you until daybreak then they must go with me the sobs of the audience increased in the same tone of deep anguish the stranger murmured as he again leaned over me it's raining so fast in the boxes that those poor fellows in the pit will catch their death of cold I better send umbrellas around not a muscle of his countenance changed his face retained its heart broken expression and he sadly and deliberately wiped the supposed tears from his eyes I had no such control over my reasonable profincities I could only bury my face in my handkerchief but fortunately the laughter which I could not suppress had a hysterical sound not inappropriate to miss holler no amount of study or discipline could have enabled me to belong to the grand and passionless school I never succeeded in stirring the hearts of others unless I was deeply affected myself the putting off of self-consciousness was with me the first imperative element of success yet I agree with those who maintain that the highest school of art is that in which the actor prospero like raises or stills tempetuous waves by the magical his will produces and controls without sharing the emotions of his audience the anecdote I have just related is not the only ludicrous one associated in my mind with the play of the stranger an amusing incidence occurs one night during the play's representation in savannah I was informed at rehearsal that two children who usually appeared as miss holler's forsaken little ones were ill no other children could be obtained yet children were indispensable adjuncts in the last scene the play could not be changed at such hasty notice what could be done I was walking up and down behind scenes very much annoyed and wondering how the difficulty could be overcome when the person who temporarily officiated as my dressing made accosted me I was distressed without the absent children and with a great deal of hesitation offered to supply the deficiency I brightened at the perspective deliverance from our dilemma and telling her that I would be much obliged inquired to whom the children belong they're mine ma'am she answered timidly I have a couple of pretty little ones very much at your service yours I answered a gas to the information yours why Mrs. Holler's children are supposed to be white I'm afraid yours won't very readily pass from mine and I could hardly help laughing at the supposition the young woman took my distressed merriment good naturedly and replied oh my children are not very black seeing how their father is altogether white do you really think they would pass for white children why the little girl has blue eyes and they both have hair nearly as light as yours then you might powder them up a bit if you thought best I sent for her children they were really lovely little creatures with clear cream colored complexions and hair that fell in showers of waving ringlets I decided at once that they would do and told her to bring them at night in their prettiest dresses to which I would add the needful additions the children do not make their appearance until the last act after retouching their toilets and instructing them in what they had to do and feeding them with sugar plums I told their mother to make them a bed with shawls in the corner of my dressing room she did so and they slept quietly through four acts of the play we gently awakened them for the fifth act but their sleep was too thoroughly in the deep sweet slumber of happy childhood to be dispelled with great difficulty I made them comprehend where they were and what they must do even a fresh supply of sugar plums failed to entirely arouse them the sleepy heads would drop upon their pretty round shoulders and they devoured the bonbons with closed eyes the curtain had arisen and the children must appear upon the stage I led them to the wing and gave them in charge of Francis walked on the stage holding a child in each hand the trio had hardly made their appearance when the little girl thoroughly awakened by the dazzling light gave one frightened look at the audience broke away from Francis and shrieking loudly rushed up and down the stage trying to find some avenue through which she could escape the audience shouted with laughter and the galleries applauded the sport the poor little world grew more and more bewildered Francis pursued her dragging her brother after him the unexpected exercise added to his sisters continued cries and alarmed the little boy he screamed in concert and after some desperate struggles obtained his liberty Francis had now both children to chase about the stage the boy he soon captured and caught up under his arm continuing his flight after the girl she was finally secured the children according to the stage direction are to be taken through a little cottage door on the left of the stage Francis panting with his exertions dragged them to the door which he pushed open with his foot the struggling children looked in terror at the cottage they fancied it was the guard house in which colored persons are liable to be confined if they are found in the streets after a certain hour without a pass clinging to Francis they cried out together oh don't put in the guard house don't put in the guard house the accent peculiar to their race and the allusion to the guard house at once betrayed to the audience their parentage the whole house broke forth an uproar of merriment Francis disappeared but the audience could not be quieted I was suffering not a little at the contemplated impossibility of producing the children at the end of the play but nobody cared to listen to another line Mrs. Holler's colored children had unceremoniously destroyed every vestige of allusion I made my supplication to kiss the features of the father in his babes in the most suppressed tone possible yet the request produced a fresh burst of laughter we hurried the play to a close the entrance of the children and the excitement produced by the parents by their presence we left to the imagination of the spectators the play ended without the reappearance of the juvenile unfortunately a few evenings previous to this comical incident another of a precisely opposite character took place in Charleston the play was the same I mentioned the anecdote because the morality of the stranger is by many persons considered dubious I think this relation proves that in a mixed audience there are sometimes beings upon whom the representation of Kobuzi's condemned play may have a beneficial influence I was delivering the speech in which Mrs. Holler's confesses her crime the audience were startled by a sudden shriek the very sound proclaimed that it had been wrong involuntarily from some conscious stricken heart a confusion in the dress circle ensued then followed hysterical sobs and screams and a lady was carried by her friends the next morning a gentleman called upon me and related the history of the lady whose agitation had disturbed the equality of the audience she was taken home in a state of excitement bordering on frenzy and confessed that she had been on the eve of bringing herself the lifelong miseries endured by Mrs. Holler I do not feel it liberty to dwell upon the particulars of the story the sequel proved that the representation of the stranger was instrumental in saving at least one frail being from becoming like the stars that fall to rise no more our engagement in Charleston during this my first season on the stage was of long duration and was followed by a succession of prosperous re-engagement the theater was under the able management of Mr. Forbes I became very much attached to this warm southern audience when we were about to leave I was solicited to deliver an address to the Charleston volunteers in commemoration of their departure from Mexico I think they were styled the Palmetto Guard the occasion has left a deep impression on my memory the stage represented the signing of the Declaration of Independence the figures of the signers were startlingly lifelike and stood apart every one from the other amongst them was my mother's grandfather Francis Lewis as the curtain rose the Star-Spangled Banner was sung by the company they retired at its close and I came forward from the back of the scene passed in and out amongst the fathers of our country until I stood in the center the address by J.A. Rekoware was a stirring production at the lines remember the deeds that your sires have done remember the worship your sires have won remember the present must soon be a past and strike like your sires they struck to the last when I pointed to the glorious host so admirably represented around me the excited volunteers started simultaneously from their seats before their hurricane of responsive cheers would permit the address to proceed in less than a week they departed at the call of their country on that expedition from which so few of the brave soldiers returned in the words of the address her voice bathed them come with the steel and the targ to stand at the onset and strike at the charge and perhaps some of them remembered the assurance and the prayers of women shall watch or you now her myrtles shall blossom a raid on your brow and her tears shall be brighter her blushes more sweet to emblaz and success or to soften defeat our engagement in Savannah was also under the management of Mr. Forbes it was one upon which I looked back with unmingled pleasure at its close a committee of gentlemen of the most distinguished residents gave us a magnificent entertainment in token of their esteem I record with I hope a justifiable pride the following extract from their note of invitation we take this method of at once expressing our thanks for the exquisite enjoyment you have afforded us in your various personations and our high respect for you personally a lady of your character in the entertainment elevates an adorance the stage and we have no doubt that your influence will be widely felt in purifying it from the abuses which sometimes mar its beauties and that you will cause it to perform its proper task to raise the genius and to mend the heart except madam the assurance of our most distinguished regard and believe that in no city will you have more art admirers and warmer friends than ours fashion was produced at Charleston and afterwards at Mobile and New Orleans with its usual good fortune to be forced to enact the walking lady character of Gertrude was a severe punishment to escape its infliction I always withheld the production of the comedy until the solicitations of the public and the managers left me no alternative I have foreseen at the time the play was written that I should be induced to enter the profession I would have been careful to create a character which I could embody with pleasure yet it was a very few months after fashion first appear that I made my own debut the public continued to entertain a strong desire that I should be supported upon the stage by one of my own countrymen a committee of gentlemen waited upon Mr. Mawet in New Orleans to request that some arrangement might be entered into with Mr. Murdoch to play opposite characters with me our contract with Mr. C prevented the gratification of these gentlemen's wishes I proposed that we should select plays in which Mr. Murdoch and Mr. C could both appear in parts of equal importance which was made to carry out the suggestion but only one or two plays could be agreed upon and the idea was necessarily abandoned what amongst the many appearances in the profession which are misunderstood by the public is the relationship which exists between actor and actor the world in general cannot readily comprehend the total absence of all personal affinity and amicable feeling between them when an audience are in the habit of seeing two persons frequently represent the characters of romantic lovers enthusiastic husband and wife or devoted father and daughter they imagine some degree of attachment must bring up between the parties that the gentleman entertains at least warm admiration for the lady but in reality performers are constantly placed in these relationships towards those whom they personally detest the bitterest enemies enact Damien and Pythias with a fervor that cheats spectators into the belief that some bond must draw them intimately together in the walks of private life it is related of an actress who lived unhappily with her husband that she delighted impersonating the lover the dearer to his jaffer because it gave her an opportunity of inflicting certain feminine punishments upon him during the apparently tender embraces of the Venetian pair I have faith in the story in the course of one long engagement I nightly enacted the betrothed the wife or the daughter of a gentleman with whom Mr. Mawet was at variance and to whom I never spoke any needful communication at rehearsal was addressed to the prompter at night before the audience he was the most impassioned of nights and I was the tenderness of lady loves but one single step without the magic circle of the footlights and we were utter strangers nor was this coolness the subject of surprise or remark behind the scenes it was an everyday occurrence in all theaters End of chapter 13