 Good day, May 40 here. So my theory is a lot of people are Highly disciplined because they don't have a lot of options Right. So in school, you may have noticed that some of the uglier people or planar people Were very disciplined with their school work on many of the more attractive people were busy banging right, so the more socially adroit and Attractive people that had more social options Therefore they didn't spend as much time doing homework so options equals instability So in a world with fewer options more people were religious in today's world where there are millions of options fewer people are Religious so I'm loving this new Jonathan Franzen novel Crossroads. So Crossroads is this church of Christ Church in the Midwest it's it seems fairly autobiographical and now Crossroads is the the teen group at the church Anyway, Clem the good son. So there are four sons of the assistant pastor and Clem is the good son and He's always been quite a reader But what's the big reason why Clem read so much? What's the big reason that I've read so many books? Certain social awkwardness diminished my choices in life. And so I had more time on my own So I got to read more books. It wasn't just that oh 40 loves the life of the mind 40 loves the pursuit of truth, you know, there are elements of that But also with the certain lack of social adroitness came more time on my own My most of the time when I was growing up my brother and sister weren't around so I Got a lot of time reading books Clem the good son. He's he's a virgin because he's good and he arrives at university and he meets this check and he goes back to her place and He just is all innocence Where do I get the hoax? Where do I get the hoax? Elliot Blatt, I am so asked that you I'm so happy that you asked me so these hoax and then this Stuff here on my sunglasses as well. It all goes together making such a Wonderful fit for my sunglasses and just hooks around my the back of my ears So I don't have to adjust my sunglasses and it's cool And where do I get them? It's the same place. I get all great stuff in my life. My friend amazon.com What a cornucopia. What a wonderful place Elliot. I Endorse you surfing over to amazon.com as soon as this stream ends and take advantage of the bounties that are there including these wonderful hoax to keep your your glasses secure on your face and So you don't have to keep adjusting them My life has improved immeasurably since getting these hoax onto onto my sunglasses I'm no longer like shifting my glasses up and down my face I'm no longer having to move more slowly so that my glasses don't fall off I can get out there and I can embrace life. I can live and love Because I got hoax on my sunglasses All right, so Clem. He's all innocent. She's the good child So he goes back to her place and then knacking for hours in their clothes, but Sharon She's great impatient. So she goes to the bathroom. She returns wearing only a terry cloth robe So I've had this experience like so women have gotten tired of making out with me Or they found you know my particular groping technique has become tiresome And so they move things along to a different level Sometimes I wear earbuds with the hoax and sometimes I don't So she pushes Clem the good son onto his back and she undoes his belt ball Belt buckle and he says wait though. She says it's okay She's on the pill that she lost her virginity at 17 when she was an exchange din in Leon and Ever since she's come back from France. She's had other experiences Which she did not care to further elaborate So Clem the good son, he's still trying to slow things down He's trying to extend a discussion that seems to him mandatory When she's taken off a rope and she's laid down on top of him and she says it's easy I'll show you. I remember the first time I did it. I didn't know how to do it And she had to get on top of me and take charge So in short order he found himself looking up at the naked entirety of a girl He might have expected to uncover part by part With much asking of permission over a span of weeks or even months. I love this phrase He jumped in France and such a great writer So he gets up he sees her naked entirety and he expected only to uncover this You know over the span of weeks and months part by part with much asking of permission Seeing her all together with such a visual overload he had to shut his eyes against it She moved up and down on him Until there was a cracking rip in the fabric of the universe She fell forward and kissed him He needed to know she'd like what just happened. She said she had very much So for a 20 year old farm girl from southern Illinois Sharon knew a lot about sex Some of it she learned in France some of it she learned from reading books the clam the most shocking thing she knew But did she really really liked to have her vulva licked Licking a vulva had not been uneven his most distant radar the Latin word for it although he'd seen it in a Dictionary had only been a word Yeah, I guess kind of lingers If pressed he might have guessed that it was a technique for seasoned lovers a sort of hard drug which ordinary intercourse was a gateway He certainly could not have imagined doing it with a girl who was still confusing the names of his two brothers Still less could he have imagined loving it The anything better than seeing and smelling and tasting her vulva was the moment when he got to put his penis in it And therein lay the problem So he now saw that his supposed self-discipline The outstanding stubby study habits his parents and teachers had always praised had not been disciplined at all It had been a result of situationism a lack of choices He'd excelled at school because he'd enjoyed learning things And because he didn't have many other options as soon as Sharon his girlfriend introduced him to more intense forms of pleasure He discovered how hopelessly undeveloped the muscles of his real will really were and I discovered that too I always thought as a very disciplined person then I started having sex In February of 1988 and I wasn't so disciplined anymore my discipline just went out the window. I Was just willing to give up everything for another shot of sex He found himself skipping organic chemistry Lad just to take a long walk with his girlfriend not even to have sex just to be near her Yet his first experience of fellatio on a morning when he should have been in Roman history Press one in the chat if you skipped Roman history to have fellatio He failed to prepare for a cellular biology midterm Because putting his penis in Sharon's vulva had offered more pleasure in the moment than studying did So not so disciplined after all once he once he had a taste of Sharon's vulva So I think a lot of us assumed that we have certain traits, but these traits or all our personality traits They domain specific Right in certain situations these traits will arise in other situations. They were to rise so all your wanted self-discipline once you Get a taste of putting your penis in Sharon's vulva might just disappear out the door for days weeks months Right the half-life of a sexual relationship is six weeks, but some people keep it going for years So what this said about his self-control was bad enough worst was how it undermined his best moral argument for keeping his Defundment from serving in Vietnam the idea that he could better serve humanity by working diligently at school By becoming a leader in the field of science By serving as a grunt in Vietnam If he couldn't keep his grade point average about 3.5 he had no right to a deferment This is a terrific new book from Jonathan Franzen. It's called cross-rides. So Like I may think I'm outgoing But in certain situations, I'm not gonna be outgoing. I may think I'm honest certain situations I'm gonna be dishonest. I may think I'm brave, but in certain situations I'm gonna be cowardly. I may think I'm a truth teller, but in certain situations I'm gonna tell lies. I may think I'm charming, but in certain situations I'm gonna be awkward. I may think I am secure, but in certain situations I'm going to be insecure. I may think I'm conscientious, but in certain situations I'm gonna be licentious more than conscientious. I May think I'm open to new experience, but I can't get myself to eat anything that I didn't enjoy eating in childhood Basically, so there are all sorts of areas where I'm not open to new experience What is it? Ocean openness, new experience, conscientious, extrovert Yeah, there are situations where I'm extroverted situations where I'm awkward. Agreeable. There are situations where I'm agreeable Situations where I'm disagreeable. This is all true for you, too Right. So all these personality traits that you think you have there are domain dependent. There are situation dependent Right. You may think that you're a good and faithful husband Well, I assure you there are situations where your faithfulness to your spouse would be very sorely tested Probably the major reason many men are faithful to their spouse is because they have not had other options and Men with more options those are the ones who are obviously more likely to cheat So it's not that this one guy. He's just a faithful guy and this other guy is a scoundrel The difference between a faithful guy and scoundrel is frequently just opportunity situation You may think that you're you're an honest person. I could put you in a situation where you'll be quite dishonest You may think you're a forthright truth teller. I'll put you in situations where you are The opposite of that crossroads by Jonathan Franzen Read it live it love it