 Good morning. Good morning, everyone. Does everyone sleep well? Yes. That's good. We're right at the beginning, so people want to be in good rest. The gift of sleep. The gift of sleep. Number 11. It is a gift. So you can have a fresh start to deal with what comes the next day. Yeah. Well, we have in mind, too, to have these sessions be very interactive and also extremely practical. So please remember that if there are emotions that start to come up that are very present, that's a good opportunity. Because a lot of us have just spent our whole life where emotions start coming up. We have a voice in our mind that says, keep it together, not now. There's important things you have to do. Don't get all emotional. You'll be dysfunctional. Actually, that's like inhibiting our spiritual journey because our emotions are very much a part of our psychological makeup. They're like our inroads to what lies beneath. And if we are constantly stuffing and denying our emotions and kind of getting off into intellectual tangents and talking about, instead of talking from what we're feeling, talking about, like how funny it would be if you had cats and dogs standing around in the yard having intellectual conversations. You know, you probably would just go, what's happening to my dog and my cat? Like bubbles is very present, very intense sometimes, but very expressive and very present. And bubbles is here to remind us that that can be very important to have your emotions so close in awareness that they're accessible. And I've seen this more on a global scale because I have been doing enlightenment talks for 25 years. And I'll go to certain countries where there's so many layers of defense or so many layers of intellectualization and rationalization that there's really no tapping into emotions at all. It's like they've been completely squelched. And like in South America, you know, I would do enlightenment talks, self-realization talks, but generally people that would show up would be like 98% women, 95% women, 93% women in different countries like Argentina, Columbia, Venezuela. And it was the macho man phenomenon. Strong, silent type, don't ever show your emotions. It's really, it's not a male-female thing, but I'll say this much, it's very inhibiting to spiritual growth if you are not in touch with your feelings. That's just a defense mechanism that the ego is using to protect itself and keep you caught up in minutia, constantly talking about things, constantly telling stories, almost a chatter in the mind. It's doing a running commentary on the world, judging the world, judging the world, judging the self. Judging the self, you know, it's a way to stay on the surface of consciousness and prevent going deeper. Because the ego knows if you do go deeper, it's out of business. If you get underneath the emotions, you'll get into your thoughts, your cognition. There have been great psychotherapists like Albert Ellis, who came up with RET, rational emotive therapy, that help people get in touch with their emotions and then get in touch with their thoughts and realize that you can change your thoughts. And then you have significant changes, not just trying to change the behaviors on the surface, which can be enormously difficult. Anybody who's tried to let go of an addiction without getting deeper just sees it's hard. Behavioral change is extremely difficult, but it's even more difficult to change your thoughts, especially when you're not aware of them. How are you going to change them? So we really want to keep this practical today and if you start to feel in the session some big question or some big issue rising up, like thrusting up in your consciousness, this is the spirit saying this needs to be dealt with and this is a context, a safe context to deal with it. And we're going in a new direction. We've tried denial and repression, many of us, most of our life, and some have had more the flip side of projection, where there's a lot of projection and blaming that goes on. I know that I think in the parable of David that back in the teen years that I was so much into shyness, denial, repression that I would look at your yearbook photos, like 9th grade, 10th grade, 11th grade, and my eyes were always half closed in the photos because it was a look on the face like I'm not interested in the world and I'm not interested in the future. In fact, I don't want there to be a future. Nothing looks good about the future. It can be shyness, depression, but also I would say that the defense mechanism underneath it is repression. I was really not in touch with my emotions and I saw with Jesus's help how inhibiting that was during my 20s and he said, you know, you're not going to advance spiritually, you can't really be in touch with me where I'm going to take your mind if you don't get in touch with those emotions. So he took me to the movies, he took me to music stores, he knew that music and movies were ways for me to tap into those emotions in a safe way. I could cry in the movie theater, I could cry when I had my headset on and I was listening to some amazing pieces of music that the spirit was bringing in and it was welling up all this emotion, forcing it into awareness so that I could deal with it and be in touch with it. And as I said, I had the dog chipper for many, many years who was a safe symbol to let it out. So I cried a lot in front of my dog and she licked a lot and it probably saved me hundreds of thousands of dollars of psychotherapy money that I didn't have. And I think it would probably be more effective than psychotherapy actually because I was able to move through the emotions much faster with that unconditional love and that sense of not being judged and being able to allow. So yeah, I think we want to keep all this in mind for this session. It's very important to actually allow whatever on the surface to be permitted and to not really judge it on top of what we're already feeling because sometimes when we have this beautiful glimpse or experiences with the spirit if there is any thought like, I can lose this and I don't know how to maintain and stay in this it's always because we still perceive something just happened externally to us and it's because we haven't really get in touch with this force that's coming from within yet. And the reason is because that there's a habit of not really turning in from within for all these answers. And all these answers are basically hidden by all these emotions and the thoughts and the ego believes on top of them. So I guess for myself it's just really allowing myself to open up in terms of emotions is really the very essential first step. And after that a lot of cleansing happens just as my day went. Things will come up and you allow anything that wants to come up to come up whether there is a reason to cry or not but whatever shows up we trust that it's the orchestration by the spirit that the mind is ready to face them and is ready to release. But gradually what happens is there is a lot of clarity that starts to arise after all this cleansing that happens and it really helps developing this confidence actually to start looking at the feeling, zooming in from the feeling into seeing how I feel every moment. Maybe for the first few years how I feel could be a lot of distortions a lot of negative feelings but gradually when that all got cleared up I started to feel a real sense of confidence that I can zoom into how I feel all the time to find inspiration and the inspiration started to become more and more prominent in my mind and that is where we will know that whatever that's guiding us and present this vibrancy in life will never get lost because it comes from within and when you hold hand with that the question of I hope I don't lose my way will just never come back in the mind as a dull thought but it is like a habit that started to form over a period of time to really go in inward starting from the emotion what is that I'm feeling now and don't really judge it it doesn't really matter what it is and when we do our sessions in expressions or in anything really it becomes our daily life whatever that has a very strong emotional component is normally the focus of our whole group because we know it's not really personal it's not somebody specific issue it's the mind and the mind you know instead of all this other trying to talk about certain things there is one person that is bursting with emotion and that is the mind that is ready to burst so we actually put that as priority over anything else okay let's come together and really zoom into this particular thing that wants to come up and be talked about and be looked at together so I guess this retreat will be the same and any session we do will be the same if you feel there is something in your heart that just wants to burst and you want to cry or you want to explore certain things don't hold back and think it's just I'm taking too much time or other people's issues are more important now this is the most important because it's going to benefit everyone the whole universe and there's a website that we have called levelsofmind.com that not only has these we'll call them levels or concentric rings that I got from Jesus of the outer perceptual world outside and then the emotions underneath and then the cognition and thoughts underneath the emotion and the beliefs underneath the thoughts and then the desire is the core your prayer, your desire, your point of power underneath that really is everything else springs from our core desires and the power of the mind so Jesus gave me that as a way of kind of navigating I've been in psychology and ten years of university and then it was like I really was very visual in many ways so I said I need some graphics here Jesus what's going on and then the miracle was more like a slice through all of those levels of an inspiration from spirit that kind of straightens out perception and comes straight through from that desire and reflects all the way through all the levels all the way up into rearranging perception even that's what miracles do they rearrange perception and they bring everything back into the divine order where you feel harmony at one with everything so we also have a tool called instrument for peace it's part of that so that not only do you get this structural thing that helps you but it's also you get a twelve step thing that takes you from your perceptions of interpretations down deeper inside into your core expectations and then underneath that to your desire that things should be different than they are that's what the ego is a desire that things should be different than they are things would be better if only this was different see how different that is from let all things be exactly as they are or allowance and acceptance so one thing I wanted to talk about because Francis brought up this idea of loss that way down in the mind underneath all these levels and layers there's this sense of tremendous sadness and loss from believing of separation from God it's like the loss of your beloved and in this world that's very stressful and very intense when you seem to lose someone whether it's a pet or a partner or a family member or a close friend, a neighbor there's this sense of loss and the mind that believes it's a person is pretty rocky it doesn't really have a strong foundation I mean the persona, the personality is just a mask and the mask is teetering and the mask takes an enormous amount of effort to keep up that's why there's so much anxiety and strain as keeping the mask up and Jesus is really encouraging us all to drop the mask and trust that it's going to be all will be great if we drop the mask the ego says all will be chaos if you drop the mask because the ego made the mask the ego wants something to protect itself from being uncovered so there's a tremendous sense of loss it's deep down and earlier we were just talking about how important it is to get into the emotions and get in touch with that so you can go deeper the ego doesn't want you to get in touch too deeply with the emotions because then you'll start to see if you have a lot of conflicting emotions yes I can't fully arrange the now but I often hear you say if I'm unhappy with the now I must talk about now I'm very unhappy with my now right now and I had just this beautiful sharing session and I feel alive and loving and connected with the people and then something here happened and now I'm so upset and I feel so petty because it's only about where I'm sitting what doesn't matter where I'm sitting doesn't matter which is next to me doesn't matter if I sit the first row back row I have this idea I can concentrate better in the first row I want to be at the front I like to have my boyfriend next to me he was actually want to sit here and I thought and then I started changing things you know it's just been so perfect if I had just said everything he would be sitting here happy days no I had in my mind I said he's sitting here because I'm always like blocking this person a little bit so he said yeah there's someone comes I don't know if there was something like that along the lines I said oh you can just sit here so she reluctantly sits there then one minute later and I go in shock why no it's perfect no men and Michael must be sitting here men is not actually even sitting here this is good this is like a synopsis this is making my point this is making my point that when you have expression sessions you start to move in a new direction where you let the emotions up and why haven't we done it in the past is because it seems unmanageable how am I going to function in daily life if I start letting my emotions up how's that going to affect my great relationship with my boyfriend how will that affect my career my job I went through the same thing even when I was in grad school when I started getting into the course course of miracles and I thought I lost the feelings of oh happy happy joy joy but then all this other stuff gets stirred up and I was like I could affect my my grade point average I could affect my everything my relationships and then when it really starts to come up when you really allow that then you think I'm going to be totally dysfunctional and I might lose everything that's dear to me in this world because I'm an emotional basket case and I can't handle that and you know some of you might remember Jack Nicholson in the movie A Few Good Men you can't handle the truth well in many ways that's what the humans are dealing with they can't handle the truth divine love and they can't even handle the emotions that are covered on top of all that divine love so it does take a lot of faith but we're saying just open up and say okay I'm safe here just talk my thoughts I can go through these emotions and this is all part of my healing process nothing's going wrong it's actually going right because we're starting to your emotions start bubbling and you feel more schizophrenic but you have to Louise Hay once said it's spiritual healing is like it's like we have a holiday in the United States called Thanksgiving where they have a big turkey you put it in a turkey you put it in a pan and you cook it for hours and then you serve it and then at the end you've got this greasy grimy baked on turkey pan it's kind of a crud on it and Louise Hay said the spiritual healing is very much like cleaning a turkey pan that's there you've got to put the water in and you've got to put all the sopa detergent in and you've got to scrape and scrape and let it sit and scrape some more and let it sit and she said the water will get a lot more dirty before the pan gets clean and that's I thought wow Louise that's fantastic that is a good metaphor for this journey that it's going to seem to get messier but it's also important to remember that we're safe that's why we are here supporting and nurturing each other this is not corporate you know world this is not a place where there's a family and if you start to be emotional you may rock the boat like John Bradshaw was a family counselor for many many years decades I remember watching him and he described his childhood family and I thought he's talking about my family and he was joking he said they could have said grab it there's a feeling loose in the living room because there was so much you could not talk about feelings you could talk about the weather you could talk about the sports you could talk about the current events you couldn't say I'm feeling something and be like look there you grab it there's a feeling loose in the living room because there's such a systematic suppression thank you that was a great contribution and if you feel if anybody feels to to switch and let Ross sit next to you on your right hand side you want to be close but you also want Ross on your right hand side we might have to see if anybody feels it but it's a good contribution David sorry I was just wondering what is the date down under you know sorry I'm just wondering if we could sort of examine the deep down relief because yeah with the circles of minds I get I mentioned it earlier I said the ego is the wish that things be different than they are and she perfectly demonstrated that when you were saying about you had this kind of feeling like oh it's one form close and it would be nice sitting to my right and all of a sudden these characters started to fill in and that unconscious belief wished things be different than they are got stirred and there was anxiety there's a feeling of anxiety and emotion and also I'm blaming him and that's what happens that's the second part that's the claim that's how the ego handles it I am and such and such is the blame there it is you're showing the whole I'm like instead of finding solution of pain because I said oh no I cannot upset this woman she will want to sit at the front I don't actually know maybe she doesn't even care because she was very handsome there was so many other ways I could have approached it so then I was annoyed with myself I was so limited and making I don't know what actually but I then started being unhappy with myself the course has one line that people relate to would I rather be right or happy and what it is is would I rather be right about the way that the ego set up this entire cosmos or would I be happy in a specific form that's just the tip of the iceberg the ego set this world up as a projection of guilt as a projection of anger and the ego therefore is saying oh things need to change it would be like if you went to a movie theater and you were watching the movie and you started to get upset during the movie and you got about in your movie theater seat and you walked down to the screen and you started pounding pain at the movie theater stop and sometimes people don't do that they don't actually get up the pound on the screen but they will sit there in their chairs and when Julia Roberts is walking down and the bad guy is around the corner people call out don't go down it's just as much as shadows on the screen but they're like stop squeezing their husbands stop because they've forgotten that it's a movie they've forgotten it's just a bunch of shadows and they're actually in feeling fear for a character and that is a good metaphor again for the dynamics of how we forgot that we're asleep we forgot we're dreaming and we forgot that we're projecting and therefore when we feel upset our first tendency with the ego the ego speaks first is to blame something or to try to rearrange on the screen and this whole idea of getting in touch with the emotions is the first step of letting that go because it's a very dysfunctional attempt it's a defense mechanism okay that's exactly what we talked about so I have a sense of failure not about this I'm very happy here as I see um so I have a sense of failure so is that because I'm just not accepting the way things are it's like I'm judging the situation I feel a failure of well I'm going to stay very bluntly um it's really hard my marriage broke up in 87 and I can't say that I formed another committed relationship in that time I've had other relationships but nothing of substance so that's 30 years without being a committed relationship and I judge that and feel a failure I feel what is wrong with you why can't you form and I can go back and say oh well look you were probably too hurt or you were very judgmental you've got to change yourself and that's the failure I've got to improve myself why haven't you been able to manage this because I have a vision in my mind that this is a good constructive way to live a joyful way to live why have you and I blame myself deprived yourself of this opportunity why and so there's the failure so in terms of and I have been a student of course principals for 27 years and I still haven't come to the answer it's like I I keep working on the course and thinking somehow law evolves in the way I want it so there's the failure there's the failure it's like well you just didn't work hard enough you didn't do the right thing get it girl get it I'm a relationship therapist as well I'm a family therapist and I work with couple counselling so how much more it's like the very thing I aspire to is the very thing that slips away from me so that's beautiful though that you're sharing this because as we were talking about yesterday with the idea of sickness all illness is mental illness and the problem of this world is and again healing will occur is that there's a recognition that it's the mind and not the body that's the decision maker but the idea of persons making decisions in their life and taking responsibility personal responsibility for those decisions is so deeply ingrained in your profession in all professions of the world in all perspectives of the world that it doesn't seem to be so clear that when you are are judging these the relationships and the way things have gone and the decisions that you personally have made there's still a projection of this decision making to the person to the body and what I mean by that what's the alternative with the course if you've been studying for 27 years the alternative and then just the judgment around that what I've discovered is through all this practice of the course and these miracles is that Jesus is the one who made it through time and space that's why he's the way the truth and the life that's why he's the author of the course this great pathway back to eternity but he also says that he says I can arrange time and space meaning he says that if you will be a miracle worker for me I will arrange time and space for you he arranges relationships he arranges jobs he arranges when you start jobs stop jobs he arranges everything in fact we could say that the course teaches that when the separation seemed to occur that the Holy Spirit answered it simultaneously so the entire plan of what we consider time and space which seems to go on for millions of years all was simultaneously planned in one instant and spun out in one instant all seeming lifetimes every relationship every breakup every new meeting every encounter everything was all arranged in one instant and Jesus is orchestrating that and might say everything has a purpose underneath it so we're never really making a mistake with anything and yet the ego has us believing we're making major mistakes all the time that was actually what I sort of thought I clicked into before and as I said, so why do I feel this failure because really what you think is saying there is no failure, it's just following the path of your learning there is I think the failure feeling comes in when you think you're missing out on something, there's a sense of loss that actually ties up to what you were saying, like there's something that what I'm doing what I'm having, I miss out on something and this is not this is not the fullest that I can have Jesus, he didn't describe that in the manual for teachers where he says in reality there are no levels of relationship at all but he knows that the mind believes in separation so he gets three levels I think you turn your mic off is there a switch on? there we go Jeff calls it so he says but here's three levels because this is what you believe casual encounters and then fairly intense teaching learning relationships in which they appear to separate but learning is always maximal those are great words I remember when I first was going through that appear to separate learning is maximal I felt a release of guilt just from hearing those words and then lifelong relationships more like we're talking about committed lifelong relationship but he's just giving those kind of a stepping stone things that the mind can kind of relate to but he's saying actually everything's always maximal and they're always in the right place at the right time and nothing is ever going wrong ever that all things work together for good that's a line from the bible the bible in the bible it says all things work together for good for those who love the lord okay in the course jesus says all things work together for good there are no exceptions except in the ego's judgment ooh that means there must be a divine order in everything that's playing out you mean world wars are somehow in divine order dropping bombs over Nagasaki and Hiroshima was part of a greater plan yes everything that seems to occur can be perceived from a higher perspective and there's a divinity that's from this higher perspective where you just see things simultaneously and in an order where everything's in harmony everything's in absolute harmony that's the goal of spirituality is to reach that harmonious perception so as you're speaking so I could actually live this very same situation and be totally joyful if I could just accept this is my way is that what you're saying what I'm saying is the personal perspective when you are judging yourself with the good of what it should and oh I wish I did this and I haven't had that since I did this and all that stuff is going on in the mind I'm not getting it yet those are all personal judgments it's like a clinging onto a small personal self meanwhile there's a higher self that's saying come on come on up here we're above the battlefield up here it looks great the view is spectacular up here and that is the goal of self realization is to come up we'll say more to the dreamer of the dream which is where the happy dream is and it does take practice but you might say that it's these habitual judgments that things could have been different you know both of you are tremendously bringing us examples of that wish that ah things would be better off I would be happy if things were different and you've just filled in the standard of if I had ok it's alright I got divorced ok that's fine but if I had another long term relationship to come in after that somewhere along these last in 30 years then that would have been better than the way that it played out if the configuration in the front row was different I would be happier now if there was a different front row configuration but those are both good examples one played out over 30 years and one played out over 30 seconds but they're showing that time is not a factor here it's something that's much deeper so how so the question is then how do I just sit and wait to get out of the dream or have you know because in a way it's like do I just because there's that other part of striving for me to get out of the dream because again I see the judgments I see what I'm doing but I sit there doing it and there's something I feel I need to do to stop it to stop going around in this circle you talk about function that's where function comes in yes and also with this sense of relationship because I noticed Jesus has this I'm saying in the course that future loss is not your real concern but present joining is your dread the fact that we are craving for a long term relationship on a linear timeline with one person is thinking this particular person can fulfill something that I'm missing or I'm lacking right now and the fact is anyone who has been in a long term relationship either with an intimate partner or with family or friends we know that there is still something that's unfulfilling unless we learn how to truly use the relationship to fulfill a bigger function then just give me the specialness and I give you what you need you know so the fact is a quasi miracle is a pathway through relationships and we Jesus is wanting to use relationships to pull us higher and higher and yet we have to allow the relationships to be transformed in our mind of how to relate basically how to really use relationships for a much higher purpose for awakening and these relationships like David said is not based on our decision they are given moment to moment and sometimes they're given over a longer period of time with one person one body and sometimes they're given all throughout the day with different faces and as long as we still think love can only happen with one particular face writing out then we miss out this chance of allowing this relationship in this moment to serve the same purpose so then a question comes in of how to really open us up to use every single encounter for the one same purpose you know if the purpose becomes unified that doesn't matter who comes into my awareness or to my day I have the same purpose as someone come to my life to marry me then when the purpose becomes unified the the feeling of the difference will start to fade are they really different anyway if I use them in exact the same purpose so the question is then how to your question is what I need to do what is my part in this and that's a great question to ask what is my part in using what is given by you to serve your plan I have a wealth of relationships and I've met through my counseling I've met so many people and shared so many lives and I have my children I have my brothers and sisters I have a very rich life in people yeah but it's still that sense of and I understand what you're saying every face is an opportunity for spirit I do understand that but then there's something more that I'm still not reaching and I don't think it is only one partner there's something, some dimension I think it's what you call realizing the dream and rising above the dream I can't seem to get out of the dream yeah I think the thing is also comes back the relationship including the daily relationship the daily random encounters and those more stable seemingly committed relationships and our function are not really different because you know as we get more and more in touch with our inspiration we are getting in touch with the function that Jesus is wanting us to fulfill seemingly as we still walking this planet earth we are given a function and being used by him as a communication device and play a particular role in the plan of awakening I can look in different forms and ways but you know when you click into that for example in your profession you know when you give over the sessions to the spirit and allow him to use you there is a great sense of fulfillment and the relationship is really not separate from function because every single relationship is you know plugged into the bigger function including intimate relationships you know if we give over our intimate relationships and marriage and daily encounters to say what is the function to you know to levitate my mind higher to give this over to you and use that to get in touch with how I feel more to get in touch with my true honest feeling and learn to be transparent with someone that is in front of me and learn to listen to you to play together to hear what you have for us and truly giving over the relationship to him then every single relationship becomes an extension and becomes a way to fulfill our function and that is going to make the relationship extremely fulfilling but also make the relationship very very purposeful so this the question of this doesn't really give me what I want in particular form what come in we started to fade out very gradually because I you know we have just so many examples of how Jesus will orchestrate the relationship sometimes they guide people together sometimes they break up a relationship if it serves the awakening better serves the mind to go higher better so every single coming together or going away is always because this is the maximum way to serve the mind to serve his plan and to serve the mind to actually go higher it's always because of that one reason I think we have to remember too that it's the thinking it's the categorizing it's the stereotyping it's this breaking things apart mechanism in the mind that's the problem that the ego is always fragmented it made up a fragmented world and it's always categorizing that's where analysis comes in and that's where all this diagnosis comes in and fixing comes in it's very much a dysfunctional thought system so the answer is it has to be a higher order of thought that lifts this up back to the harmony Einstein said you cannot solve a problem from the level of the problem you have to rise above the level of the problem where the problem is perceived to the answer you can't find the solution at the level of the problem that was amazing mind amazing scientist Jesus is saying the same thing you have a perceptual problem so as long as you try to make things better and fix things at the level of form you're not going anywhere you're just like spinning your wheels like a hamster going round and round and there's no progression whatsoever but when you do let go of that category thinking this is like this men are like this women are like this all those the learnings when you do that go then you find yourself coming into peace how you do that is you realize that the ego has developed many skills and even your counseling skills were part of a skill development a skill set development but those skills won't help you unless the spirit is using them in other words the spirit can channelize all our seeming separate skills maybe we have skills driving a car or a truck or counseling or in building or in gardening or in cooking or in all kind of athletic skills so on and so forth but they're all fragmented and we feel more like the scare crow in the Wizard of Oz where all of our straw is out all over the road remember when the flying monkeys come and they pull all of the straw of the scare crow and leave it all over and his friends gather the straw and put it put it back together well that's what the Holy Spirit is doing with our fragmented mind it's unifying and using all the separate skills and channelizing in one direction which we'll call forgiveness or healing so much so that as Francis was saying we don't start to think oh these are my relationships over here and this is my occupation over here and this is my household over here here's my family over here you see all those different like a scrapbook of separation and we're needing to be unified we're needing to give over all those things to the Spirit and say take me in another direction where I can see the sameness in everything I can feel that agape love with everyone and everything so you know intuitively there's another step you have to go you're in touch with that and that's part of what this is and if I could name it it is to hand it over to the Holy Spirit and that's where I bought and that's where I bought for many years I think control it's like there's a control thing that's the ultimate issue sort of I'm no longer practicing because I've retired and that is good because I know that I was in a mode of intellectual being I had the opportunity to hand it over to the Holy Spirit now you know I feel before I was afraid to let all the strands go and now it's just a choice and it's just me that would have to live with the consequences and that's where I feel I'm at and that's I think that's the real fear to step into the Holy Spirit and to live so that is by talking about it it's like I could see all these various strands but I couldn't get to the point but I can see how they link now it is that it's not the partner or the family it's the choice for the Holy Spirit yeah and again to the ego there's a fear of loss it feels it had the reins and it doesn't want to let go of those well I'm scared of it's like falling into an abyss I've had that feeling before it's like there'll be nothing there there'll be just all that I know can fall away the children absolutely unknown and it feels like I'm on the brink and it feels like I've got to jump but now I don't even know how to jump it's like yeah beautiful that you're in touch with that though because even if we looked at the world we say why do we have laws in the world and why do we have prisons and why do we have judicial systems and all these things and so if you talk to somebody on the streets like why do you have all this they would say well the reason we have prisons is because if we had criminals running around all over the place and people breaking the law with no consequences then without all these rules all would be chaos meanwhile in our mind Jesus is saying if you give up all the rules and trust me all will be love so you see there's two different perspectives of giving these rules up one is saying all would be love and the other one is saying all would be chaos fear is saying all would be chaos and there's something in us that knows this isn't natural this isn't the way I was created to be bound by all these rules and regulations and the ego says you have to deal with it all would be chaos without it so you're getting to that point it's like a jumping off point of being willing to trust the Holy Spirit go beyond the familiar because the form of love feels like I don't think I understand that love I don't think that love would feel very cozy I think that love sounds pretty frightening it sounds pretty, oh god I might have to live with people I don't want to do this and I might have to, you know like I know my life I know people have said they have listened to me and they said you know you keep talking about the kingdom of heaven like Jesus did but they said frankly the kingdom of heaven sounds boring exactly exactly and I have to say, well it's not it's not my it's not my experience but you have to see from the ego's perspective that heaven or nirvana is going to involve a huge sacrifice of its world and that's the whole thing the reason its world was made was to block love out completely and have a complete amnesia so that's what we mean by faith when you go on this journey you have to be willing to let things that seem to be safe and comfortable and convenient and safe, let them go I have a nice life exactly, I hear that all over the world, you know, people will say to me I'm glad you're living that life I like watching you on YouTube but and I did have a vision when I was 16 I thought of what I understand it's possible I lived that joy when I was 16 and let it pass away I didn't compute with me so I forgot it until I turned to my divorce actually so it's like I've had premonitions of what it is even before I understood and read any literature I had an experience of total bliss, total acceptance that everything was as it needed to be all the wars, all the cancer, all the terror that was absolutely as it needed to be and I still struggle to accept it but I lived that experience when I was 16 and so I know the joy and the bliss that it can be but I'm still afraid to step there Yeah, those people feel like they've they had some sparkles of a great experience when sometimes when they were younger or glimpses but they got somehow hooked into a life of compromise like living by making a lot of compromises No, I wanted to do certain things I wanted to have certain experiences I can actually know that I didn't want to go I wanted to live a life as a family, have children to the career, travel the world to the house I knew I wanted to do that But now it comes to the point it's not so much a regret but it's more of a point like but the thing about it is I meet a lot of people who are very comfortable with their earth lives, the status quo it's very comfortable, it's very familiar and their version of spirituality is watching Julia Roberts act out, eat, pray and love they like to go to the movie, plunk down $20, watch her go through the experience and go phew, that was intense that's not me that's the spiritual journey going to watch you pray and love well, that's two hours thank God I got that over with now let's get back to some more distractions you know they want it where they can just spend the money and they're back in control you see, it's alright if Julia Roberts has got to go through all these intense emotions he left her you know takes you 10 minutes, okay so we're just a movie I'm not going to go there you see, that's what we're dealing with we're being called by the spirit to actually go through a transformation and they were like me? now? no him but then you have to start to face these emotions that come up and they are intense I know I should stop but I just want to own as much as I have a nice life there is a lot of fear and anxiety that just sits beneath the surface so it's there and that's what I know that's the search for peace the search for peace to deal with that fear and anxiety because I don't believe the life I know it's not it has no substance in the end I know that, it has no substance I know it I don't know why I keep talking because it's just about doing something and then I get frustrated with myself, stop talking I think if you just pray the prayer like if you take it off of your personal self and you say spirit I just need help with this and out of my movie Watcher's Guide to Enlightenment a lot of our movies involve character transformation where two people are brought together and it seems like unusual circumstances and there's a tremendous healing and undoing that goes just by an answer to a prayer in the movie I think it's called the Untouchables in France where there's Untouchables where there's a man who's in a wheelchair and he's quite wealthy and then there's this black man that comes to like a plot he's trying to survive he's got more of a survival mentality and this is based on a true story I mean nothing's really true in the world but in terms of that and they're still friends today this movie was made about their life but they still stay in touch a tremendous trusting loving deep relationship came and there was tremendous undoings that happened and we love those kind of movies that's how it gets into our movie Watcher's Guide to Enlightenment because people don't know their own best interests that's a good place to start too that's an early workbook lesson I do not perceive my own best interests that's humbling oh that's so humbling to say I do not perceive my own best interests and it's more humbling when Jesus says in no situation not in some situations in no situation do you perceive your own best interests people have read that it's not come on who do you think you're dealing with here I mean no situation and then he goes on in the next lesson to say that everything is for your own best interests we're back to all things work together for good everything that seemed to occurring is completely in our own best interest it's only the ego judgments to say oh no oh no you made a mistake you have a plan you say it's complete and all perfect oh no you messed up here see that's the ego and that's the part that needs to be undone so you're trusting yeah just pray the prayer that's all all you do is pray the prayer and the funny thing was I had a group one time in Mallorca it was a devotional and I was talking with them I said well if you really are feeling that you want to have just say Holy Spirit bring it on and I said to be very careful if you spray this prayer Holy Spirit bring it on for the healing well we got to a certain point where I told that and then I went into the session and one person said Holy Spirit bring it on and then another hand went on Holy Spirit bring it on and then the whole group as a group Holy Spirit bring it on oh my was that a transformational we had a woman who came in there diagnosed with cancer she didn't have cancer when she left there we had people who went through major transformations where they felt like I'm not even the same person and where do I go from here after six weeks and saying with their fist in the air sometimes both hands in the air Holy Spirit bring it on okay alright alright yeah yeah ah ah yeah her prayer is Holy Spirit bring it on for six days six days that's a lot people don't really that's a lot right there it's lovely to have the joining of it all that you all I think we're all here together it's just wonderful thank you thank you for sharing that it makes it worth sharing thank you we have our microphone coming back I think I might offer a partial transformation could I could you make a comment about that please well even though there really isn't a sense of partial healing you know that's one of these made up ideas that we can say that Jesus tells us you will not be hurled into reality in other words miracles were built into the wake up plan so that there will be a reinterpretation of the world but not a sense of destruction a sense of catastrophe a sense of great disillusionment that miracles are built into this plan of awakening to take us generally we'll say a gradual awakening because it would be too frightening to go from fragmentation into wholeness or from darkness into light Jesus tells us too that prisoners who have been slaves for many many years do not simply rise up as soon as the chains are taken off their eyes are shut because they're so long accustomed to the darkness and when the light comes they don't simply just open their eyes it has to be a flickering of the eyelids opening if you had a child that was having a night terror or a nightmare and as a loving mother you went in and you tried to wake that child up and while the child was in the middle of a nightmare there's a good chance that the child would interpret that arm shaking as a monster grabbing them from within the nightmare in other words when the mind's in fear it cannot accept a loving solution that's why we need miracles to start to open up gradually to be able to accept the love and there's a great metaphor even in terms of a movie theater if you go into a movie theater and you watch say a two or three hour movie in the darkness and then as soon as the movie's over before the lights come on if you just sprung out of the exit into the bright sunlight it actually your eyes are hurt because you go so fast they've already adjusted to the darkness and if you go out that exit door too fast and the sun's right in your face it actually hurts your eyes where sometimes people get that when they drink something cold too fast they start to feel like they're getting a migraine from having that extreme temperature change it's too much change too fast and it's painful so the miracles are built in and it will seem as if there are glimmers or what seems to be partial healings and partial transitions just because that's the way the plan has to go but in the end we do have to stay open to the idea that no one's healed alone that when I am healed legions upon legions basically the whole world will be healed but I'm completely healed because we're all one mind that the whole world will be healed and we finally accept the atonement or accept the true healing which is not partial in any way it has to be complete to be what it is yeah welcome I had another arm moment just now I don't know how here we go I don't know if we're going anyway but when you said about Jesus and the atonement and yeah I just felt I saw it in my mind all the minds joining together wow yeah it was the atonement Jesus did it and it's beautiful it's really amazing I don't know that I actually really understand it or really comprehend it but I know that I saw it and I haven't seen it before so I'm happy so yeah we had a couple back in the back over there Peter I tell you I just experienced I guess not experienced observed for the first time today this morning that although my conscious day or my waking time where where I do I do observe that I'm now in the ego world or shift from the ego world to the love world or the ego has sneaked in and consciously my day is becoming more and more loving and more and more accepting but my dream world my dreams are still fearful dreams right my dream world is still have incidents which happen either in the past or still you know the fear it's not a loving world so what dawned on me this morning was that because as I understand dreams are nothing but jumbled up versions of your your waking state right whatever we see observed during the daytime the dreams are just made up of that only because just one mind it's just now it's all kind of jumbled up you know you might see somebody in the dream you will see the head of some person and you know it's all like that so my question is is that me subconsciously there is still lot of stuff still sitting there of the fearful world which hasn't come up yet or I want to understand your experience where Francis said that you never had a sad day for 20 years is your dream world like that too or do you have fearful dreams still or will this dream world get also purified once your waking world gets purified that's what dawned on me this morning I want to understand that we can talk about Jesus does tell us that all your time is spent in dreaming so what we call our daytime daydreaming and our daily life and our nighttime dreams are all what Sigmund Freud called wish fulfillment so as long as we have the ego still active we can say in the unconscious mind then our wish fulfillment will have aspects of fear in it until we go through a purification process Jesus even says it's important to set your intention your purpose for the day in the morning when you wake up and before you go to sleep he's even saying to give your dreams your nighttime dreams over to the Holy Spirit and what you're describing is very common a lot of people tell me that they'll say I got a pretty good daily life but at nighttime oh it's wild I have wild dreams at night or sometimes it's reversed that they actually have wild dramatic daytime dreams and it's peaceful at night in other words it's almost like the ego still is trying to find a haven a haven of peace somewhere I'm going to do it here no I can't I'm doing it there I'm going to get my peace in one way but then not in another I would say that when you go through the purification process things stabilize so your dreams become much much more stabilized both we could say daytime I know when I first started going into the course and going into it after a number of years I would have like teaching dreams before I started traveling around the world and speaking I was doing it in my nighttime dreams like Jesus was running like when you're practicing for a theater you know dress rehearsal he was running a lot of dress rehearsal I said really good big crowds in the nighttime dreams this is good, look at all the people that are here and then I hit my cat during the day but see that's we have to be eased in and it's even possible to have they were very instructional or there were times where I would be asking questions before I went to sleep and then I would get dreams giving me insights and answers so they're wish fulfillment but the Holy Spirit can use anything and that's why you want to stay as open as possible to it being used and yeah it's if you had any experiences with dreams in your own life no nothing in particular I guess that's exactly what you're saying normally I would ask the Spirit to show me if there's any information somehow that I need to get from the dream and ask him to bring it up but that's just how it goes daytime and nighttime becomes unified in the purpose again it's like one thing that can be unified through our mind is the purpose and how we want to use them what we're using them for if we're using them just for forgiveness all the time then they become very similar in a way they matter the image when we all the other but if I can just use that for forgiveness they become very very similar unified and also one related question again when I wake up the very first thought is always thought of separation like when I wake up the very first thought is not the world of love I have to then do my mantra or chanting and get myself aligned with the Lord or God's thinking or loving world but the very when I just wake up I'm separate yeah you should be too shocked by that Jesus says the ego always speaks first so it's impulsive, it's insane it's full of rage it's I remember Enya did this song called wild child now we thought of the ego but it was kind of a song of like letting the wild child come up for healing let's let it go through let our mind go through this experience of healing so it's a very loving way to look at it you shouldn't take that in a personal way saying other people waking up with this thing in their mind generally the ego speaks first and oftentimes it goes through whatever it has to say and you say thank you for sharing now we'll get on with the day yeah okay my question is about some words that I'm hearing a lot of and the words are handing over okay one part of me says there's probably going to be a point where that's not a separate act where it's just a continuous place okay but I'm also aware that I don't see myself as there yet so it seems to be something that I have to practice this handing over so my question is can you talk a bit about handing over and also in the course Jesus says at a particular point your part is to return your thinking to the point at which the error was made and give it over to the atonement in peace now I can see that this is a practice for me could you just expand on handing over in light of that statement from Jesus in the course yeah there is a part in the rules for decision which is part of training the mind to make decisions with the Holy Spirit instead of trying to make them against Scott where Jesus says your one remaining problem is that you still believe you can run some aspects of your own life and that's pointing to the workbook and the transfer of training you know as best you can one of the two guidelines is try not to make exceptions to the idea of the day and so this is a journey of unwinding it and letting go of control around decision making you know those are the first two steps and rules for decision decide the kind of day that you want and say to yourself if I make no decisions by myself this is the day that will be given me peaceful day harmonious day joyful day happy day if I make no decisions by myself meaning egoically this is the day that will be given me so you're right it's a surrender process we do oftentimes call it handing it over what does handing it over really mean while the mind is fragmented it has to desire the purpose of the Holy Spirit desire forgiveness and then one of the prayers that I particularly liked from the course of miracles miracles was Holy Spirit decide for God for me I like the way that prayer works I like that feeling Holy Spirit decide for God for me and what that is is instead of like looking at a situation and already judging against a situation as though this is fearful or oh not again or typically the mind already decides in judges is to start to develop having an openness of I shall see or show me or lead me or guide me you see that open quality because if you already judged the situation then you need help and you needed to kind of come back wind it back and what Sanjee was talking about that prayer I'm here to be truly helpful that was a very practical way that I practiced handing it over like you're saying because I I thought I have to practice this I'm never going to make this a habit get into the habit of it unless I practice it so the way it was Jesus said every time you walk through a doorway whether you're going through your grandmother's apartment door a grocery store, a laundry mat you're going to a course group in somebody's house and you have to go down you have to go through the door or the house way pause for a second before you go through any doorway and quietly to yourself go through the prayer I'm here only to be truly helpful I'm here to represent him to send me it was a way of orienting my mind into that hand it over come back, what is this really for instead of all the typical agendas when you walk through a grocery store door usually you've got a pretty strong grocery store agenda going on in there you're going to get in there, you're going to get out as fast as possible you're going to read some ingredients and look at some prices and make, you know, there's a grocery store agenda and you're not thinking I'm here only to be truly helpful I'm going to have holy encounters and how many miracles will I share at this grocery store, usually there's an agenda about getting in and getting out and not spending more than how much money you've got and all those kind of things and those interfere with the miracles because Jesus has a whole different purpose for that grocery store excursion of a completely different one, he wants it to be for just being a miracle worker and the ego is saying oh no no, and Jesus would tell me listen, the groceries are going to get purchased, don't be so concerned you'll get the groceries but we're going to have some joy here we're going to have some glee we're going to extend some love and some miracles here and I was amazed, even when I would back in the days of fitness centers you go in to lift weights or get on the treadmill and everything there was a total ego agenda for cardiovascular fitness and how long on the machines and this and this and then when I started to go in there with Jesus he just took over I was on the treadmill and wonderful deep talks with the one that was next to me lifting weights and you're relaxing and using it more as a meditation than thinking how many of these do I have to do and how more muscular will I be you know Jesus basically it would be like in Australian rules of football, it's like an interception he intercepted the egos agenda and started running with the ball the other way his football was like it's picked off, it's intercepted he intercepted the purpose for whatever I thought I was doing and he said no, there's a higher purpose here for you to be happy we have to go with the higher plan so yeah, I think that's it's very practical I really like it because a lot of the times we remember to hand over when we get an upset when there is some stuff that's already bubbling up and the emotion that we cannot handle then we started to say how do I hand it over but Jesus also says in the course that I cannot take your fear away because that interferes the direct cause and effect relationship the fear is only there because there is a desire for the ego and because of that desire because of that thought fear is the consequence of those thoughts of those ego desires so what we are really handing over is not holding on to an ego desire and ego thoughts and beliefs and hoping the result will be different or the effect will be different what David was just saying was what we are handing over is the cause meaning that every time we are making a decision it's always reflecting a desire because when we go to the supermarket, when we go to anywhere when we meet a person we are on the autopilot the ego always has a way of telling us you go there to get this you go there to make sure that you get this so there is an underlying ego agenda that we already it's already become like we don't even see them anymore we are just operating on this autopilot and if we don't get what we want then the expectation kicks in and then the upset the emotions start to arise and we are thinking what's wrong but when we hand it over that's why we talk so much about guidance because the guidance is a process we start to let the spirit in before all of that make the decision for me tell me to be truly helpful that is a reversal of the original intention of why we are doing anything we hand it over of the ego purpose of doing anything to the spirit our mind is reversed to say I'm here only to be truly helpful I'm here only to represent you you tell me what I'm here for and Jesus saying great, with that desire for me and me only then we're going to have a lot of joy because that's the inevitable consequence of desiring the spirit and desiring the thoughts from the spirit so that is the hand over the hand over we have so many movies just on and on that basically are basically saying like that you have to hand over the purpose like we have a movie called Mr. Destiny where he has to have a moment of surrender where there's literally a light that comes over him when he gives up and surrenders his agenda and then he gets out of the loop of struggle Groundhog Day, Bill Murray classic one, he keeps repeating the same day the same mistakes over and over and over until he finally starts to open up and he's being truly helpful he starts to help and help and then he's so surprised when he gets out of the time loop and he's with Rita and he says something's different and suddenly it's different we have so many movies in our Movie Watchers Guide to Enlightenment there are about that shift where you start to see sometimes in extreme ways that there's a loop going on the Truman Show he's looping he keeps looping and looping and finally he's determined to escape he finally makes it to the exit door and goes out of the controlled world of the ego he's able to go beyond Sylvia who's praying for his release he goes and he's there with her so that's really what we're that's why those movies are so powerful is like Francis was saying because the loops become so much a part of your experience that you don't even see them as loops anymore until you get disillusioned and you start to feel like why am I repeating the same mistakes and there's got to be a better way yeah I've been writing in a journal since I saw you at Easter in Pimple and I've been reading it back I've been seeing the same the same stuff come up over and over and over again and I hadn't noticed as I was writing but reading it back I can see the patterns so I've been like goodness it is groundhogs all I can see this loop going on which has been very interesting for me to see what's in my mind that I'm not healing I'm just going through it over and over hi and Francis I was just thinking about the ego and the ego thought system so if you think that the thought system is built on sin, fear and guilt and punishment and there's so many other things proliferating from that so is that the ego is that just a thought system or we kind of personify ego as well it appears that if it came from the heaven and created this thought system of separation and it's a system and at the if you, I was thinking of your circles it's a very nice picture of you know the surface and the emotions and the feeling, beliefs and so on so is the ego the whole thought system I was thinking where this thing comes from like we talked about anxiety and all that so is that the particular kind of entity or just a thought system and where does this thing come from is at the root of like a desire at the very end of it is that the desire is the ego kind of how did we created the ego that's what the cause says we created it and then say ego is the thought system so are they, can you clarify a bit on that thing because that's where everything kind of emanates from all these emotions and everything yeah exactly we created the ego and then say ego is cunning and ego is bad, ego is bad, like blood thirsty and so on and we kind of see that we are personifying that as well when we have anger and so on emotions have energy so all this energy is summed up is that the ego or is that what we call ego that we created or is it something else kind of one ego with all these attributes kind of I don't know that's a core metaphysical question in the sense that when someone says we created the ego, no that's not the case the ego was never created so basically what does that mean well creation is a spirit, God creates Christ creates creation is spirit creation is eternal even when people start talking about the soul in terms of an individual soul like everybody's got their own individual soul did God create seven billion souls seven billion specks of eternity or are these souls learning things they don't seem to be eternal they seem to be bound incarnating and reincarnating creation the way Jesus uses it is always purely spirit, love and light has nothing to do with form and the interesting thing about the ego is it wasn't created and it doesn't have a parent it's like a bastard child it has no it doesn't have a parent that's why it's a wild child why is the ego impulsive it doesn't come from stability, it doesn't come from sanity, it is a fabrication, it is an invention you know when you read a novel people will say is the novel fiction or is it based on actual events the ego is fiction it's complete fiction fabrication even in the workbook Jesus as you're going through the unwinding he will he never says there's no word for less than it says I created the world I see it's I have invented the world I see you see the word he's using invention he would never put the word creation there and he never puts creation in front of the ego in fact as you get back towards the teacher's manual where is the ego where the darkness was notice the past tense what is the ego nothing where can you find the ego it cannot be found he's basically saying the light has come that's another one of his workbook lessons the light has come well what does the bible say about light and darkness and love and fear perfect love casts out fear when the light has come the darkness is gone how can you define the ego if there's only light he's raising it up and saying you believe in it so I have to use words that describe it it's a thought system he says he doesn't say you created the ego he said you made the ego by believing in it and you can dispel it by withdrawing your belief from it isn't that helpful hmm it's like in the Wizard of Oz Dorothy the lion the ten men the whole group of them in Oz are when they finally come to see the wizard they finally get in to see the wizard they're very frightened because there's this big face with this big forehead it's massive and it's got this loud voice kind of commanding and demanding voice and they're shaking their knees are shaking and basically they they see it as an actual entity actually later in the movie though when they go there and they're still shaking you gotta go and get the witches you have to do all these things and they're all frightened until the little dog Toto goes over and he pulls the curtain and this big face and this loud thing is this man who's magnifying his voice and he's pulling all these levers to get the illusion of this big bad scary thing and he's talking and he's trying to grab the curtain and pull the curtain back to cover himself and hide again and he's grabbing the microphone and saying pay no attention to the man behind the curtain you see he doesn't want to see it's just this little man because they're not going to be frightened of this little man they're frightened of this big thing with this big voice that's exactly the ego is a tiny puff of nothing but it's used the power of the mind to make up this whole cosmos this whole giant cosmic mask you know they said that Adam and Eve when Adam and Eve found that they were naked they grabbed fig leaf to cover their private parts and I would say that the ego is using the entire cosmos as a cosmic fig leaf it's using all of time and space to cover its private, its belief in private minds and private thoughts yeah I never heard it that way thank you Jesus that's quite graphic you're giving us like a sexual reference that we'll remember a cosmic fig leaf to cover a puff of nothingness a tiny puff of nothingness you see to make it seem like it's much worse than it really is and also you're asking is it is it connected to the world yeah that's where the movie the matrix come in the matrix is all around you you know when you pay your taxes when you help your neighbor carry out their garbage you know when you go to church everything we seem to do as human beings is part of the matrix and who invented the matrix the ego so all Shakespeare called it much to do about nothing he was onto it it is much to do about nothing because it's the ego's world linear time space world there's this presence of love the spirit in us who's calling to us saying don't get caught in all of that because you'll never be happy in all of that and so the ego is this little and it's the entire generated world that we a lot of spirituality and religions call God created like God created the world and God created the people and the animals God is a heavenly creator and the world is a projection of this tiny puff and it's ideas leave not their source the world is still part of the ego until we forgive it everything that we perceive in this world is part of the ego system the fear was before the ego and the fear was the ego it's one with the ego fear and the ego are synonymous and the world and the ego are synonymous it's all around we can't say oh that tyrant over there oh that dictator over there oh there's a terrorist over there the ego is laughing because it's beyond personifying it and saying the devil you know the devil gets blamed for a lot of things when I was growing up there was a comedian called Flip Wilson and he used to dress up this man Flip Wilson dressed up as a woman he put on this funny hair he put on lipstick and makeup and his favorite saying was made me buy this dress that was one of his albums the devil made me buy this dress the devil is to blame you see then you can blame the devil and the ego is so clever now it's it's invented a character with a pitchfork or Lucifer an angel that you see how it's always going to try to make a character that's to blame and actually we have to face that belief that thought system in our minds and release it to truly be free okay we've got it we've got a couple questions I have a question too I saw your hand up earlier we're winding up okay do you have a question or comment comment I just called to mind I had a terrible fear of the dark as a child and after struggling with it and the associated insomnia and terror that went with it for many years when I was 12 years old I decided this is the day I stopped being afraid of what I know is not there and I had peace from that day forward but I was just taking that bold big brave leap of faith that I'm just going to refuse to believe in it logic did not prevail thinking about it did not work all the cognitive steps you know covered in under bed and blocking the doors nothing worked logic did not prevail as irrational and I just had to draw a line in the sand and say tonight's the night I refuse to believe in that and it went in the instant that's great that's a snapshot of when I think of Jesus from the 40 days in the desert where the devil is offering Jesus the whole world you can have this you can have anything no thanks I want God I'm not interested in your world and then you know even the apostles they want to be part of they thought Jesus was rule like a ruler like a king does they want to be part of his earthly kingdom and there was no earthly kingdom to be part of you know as he kept talking about the father in heaven the father in heaven why do you call me good the father in heaven is good everything was about the father in heaven and there was such happiness with that idea so that's great in that circumstance fear of the dark you basically just stops here and we've met a lot of people that have had those moments in their life where there's some kind of temptation that rises up that has been there long once you again no it stops here not going there beautiful okay back in the bank I was going to say something but now I've got something totally different and I had a big trigger just before I remember at the conference I was ignored and then once again ignored here and all of a sudden these tears came up and I've gone whoa so I went out and had a big blubber I had a bit of a think about what that was took me totally by surprise and it was about the fact that I was never heard as a kid I wasn't allowed to speak I wasn't important enough and I ended up a singer and it's really odd it's a strange thing so yeah that came up and hopefully just released that so that was all but what I actually wanted to say was that my girlfriends just had a double lung transplant and she had an emphysema like this breathing really badly and when she had the double lung transplant she's still breathing badly and that was a reflection on what you were talking about before about how you have to train your mind it takes time like all of a sudden she can't just I'm fascinated me because it showed me the power of the mind and here she is with brand new lungs from a young person and she's still breathing like that so anyway yeah it's a good example about how we can't change the form and expect a different thing we have to do the inner work yeah it's beautiful thank you