 All right. Hello, everyone. This is take two of why trying too much pushes him away and What to do instead? My name is Matthew coast and You know today this video is for you if you are in a relationship Or you've been dating a guy and you feel like you're doing a lot in the relationship or a lot for him you feel like you're putting a lot of energy or Effort or investment Into this guy and you feel like maybe he's pulling away from you or he's not really responding to you or Maybe he's even you're even at a point where you feel like you're losing him completely and so we're gonna be talking about three ways three three ways that this happens and What you should be doing instead of those different ways and so today I have with me My two people on this live stream One of them is my YouTube partner in crime Helena Hart say hi Helena Hey, everyone. We're so excited to be here and we're also here with my friend on your grace Who is just amazing on you and I've been doing a lot of live streams Working on some things over on my channel So we wanted to bring her on here because she just gives such a unique perspective on feminine energy and all of these really important concepts That we talked about over here on commitment connection. So we're really excited Awesome and so so it looks like everything's working. We've got people on so hi camellia. Hi, Katharina Katharina Kat Katarina I'm kind of bad with names. I'll apologize right now about that So let's go ahead and get started here the first The first one. Did you want to go ahead and launch into them Helena? Sure. Yeah, so the first way that women try too hard and ends up actually pushing a man away when what they want is The opposite when they're trying to bring them closer, right? And a lot of these are really Unintentional and I will say that the last one we're going to share is probably one of the most common ones that we see and it's really subtle We we can all do this and we don't even realize it So make sure to stay till the end of this video to get that one But the first one is something we call over functioning, right? That's stepping into your masculine energy and Doing too much, you know leaning forward constantly Giving to get which means giving something because you're trying to get something from a man in return on a very subtle level like More love or affection or even time or commitment from him So over functioning is this one of the more obvious ones But it can be easy to do this when especially when we feel a man slipping away as women It's like this natural tendency to want to like close that gap and do whatever We think it's gonna take in order to like avoid having him slip through our fingers, right Anya I would love to hear everything you say about that because it's really common. Absolutely. Yeah, so specifically as everybody we've all been taught that our value comes from what we do and what we Accomplish and how we look it's all from the outside And that's actually really counteractive to the true power and value We bring as women specifically because what we talk a lot about it's all about the energy It's all about the energy that you're bringing and how you feel So by by doing things you're focusing you're saying basically like my value is not inherent I have to do all these things in order to be worthy of your love Versus basically leaning back and knowing that you're the one who gets to receive those action That action and the penetration of his doing and his functioning And ultimately that's going to support you to be more radiant more beautiful and and he'll feel that energy You'll feel your divine feminine beautiful energy just emanating from you So it's about you know really moving away from believing that our value is in this external In these external accomplishes like how much money we make that's an even we think that we need to be successful to be worthy of a man And that's not you know, just do you Like whatever that looks like and it's not gonna mean you're gonna push away or attract like you're a person if they're meant to be Yeah, so what is over functioning look like in real life that looks like anything that looks like Leaning forward or filling the space that could be always being the one to initiate contact with a man always being the one to set up the plans and ask him out and drive to him and Hey for everything always Initiating like physical affection and sex every single time when he's not you know doing those things ever what anything else you can think of Yeah, I mean I always say like basically what you do at the beginning of the relationship We'll set up the tone for the rest of the relationship So if you're if you're calling him first and if you're making dinner every single night and doing his laundry and holding Clothes and massaging his feet and like doing all these things which are awesome beautiful gifts And it's not that you don't get to do that for your person It's just know that what you the basically the dynamic that is set up at the beginning of the relationship will move through the entire Rest of the relationship so really ask yourself like how do you want to feel what do you want to experience when you're with this person? Do you want to be? Like if you want to be doing all those things forever and ever and you feel it's equal then that's awesome But I actually I actually trained help women understand that it's like for every 10 action things that he does for you for every 10 Ways of stepping into his service do one thing in response like let let it build up on his side basically because that It's not as much energy actually for a man to actively do something to support you first because that's more of the Masculine energy is the penetrating external outward focus whereas our energy is more on an internal Plane so by leaning back and and actually having him do more of that outward does outward actions It actually creates the correct polarity that can make the most party. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it's just about it's Now So there's I just want to mention this one thing because I think it's really important And it's something that a lot of people don't really realize is going on and it's that a lot of people what we tend to do is We tend to do to others what we want them to do to us, right? And I actually learned this when I was like, I think I was like 23 or 24 something like that And I was kissing this girl and we're like making out, you know, and she like Put her hand over and started rubbing on my ear, you know, and I'm like, what is she doing? You know and and like, you know later on like she did it again, you know, and I'm like, I'm like, why is she doing that? So weird, you know, like I got this this idea popped up into my mind like why don't you try doing that to her, right? I did it to her and she was like, you know, like really into it and she like really liked it And I was you know, all of a sudden like this massive realization hit me and I was like whoa, you know, like You know, I've always tried to do these things that I thought women wanted But it was really what things types of things that I wanted women to do with me, right? And I've I've been finding that more and more and if you've ever There's a book out there and we we talk about it all the time everybody talks about it's called the five love languages and it's a really good book and one of the things that they talk about is these different ways that people like to receive love and A lot of times what ends up happening is that instead of figuring out how the person we're with the person We're in a relationship with likes to receive love we think about how we like to receive love and then try to give love in that same way and It ends up a lot of times if your love languages, you know the things that You the ways that you like to receive love aren't the same as your partners a lot of times that ends up Really messing things up because they don't get that you're showing them love When you are and so they aren't receiving it the way that you're Hoping that it comes across and so this happens all the time And then you know other ways that women do this a lot of times they'll buy guys stuff You know, you like I've seen that happen all the time where girls like oh, yeah, I bought them this giant You know the liquor set that I get you know for you know this you know because I just wanted to show them How much I appreciate them and and you know like if you Show interest to a guy. It's not a bad thing We're you know, we're not saying that you can't show a guy interest or you can't do anything Right because that that's like the opposite extreme, right if a guy doesn't feel like you're interested in him Then he might just stop trying all together because one of the worst things that a guy can experience in his entire life Being put into the friend zone and guys it happens all the time for guys it's like the number one complaint from guys is that they land in the friend zone and a lot of guys would do anything Not to land in the friend zone. So if he thinks he's pursuing you and you're not interested at all You know, he might just stop all together. So there's a middle ground There's a middle ground to everything we talk about, you know, it's funny because a lot of times We'll talk about things and people to immediately go to the other extreme, right? They're like, oh, so don't put in tons of work So that means that I don't do anything at all and I just you know completely ignore I mean if he tries to communicate with me, I'll just you know, block them and you know, hopefully you'll see You know, he really loves me. You'll figure out how to communicate with me somehow, you know, and you're like Wrong direction here, you know, there's a middle ground here And I think it's very important to talk about that and be aware of that when we're doing this stuff Yes, yes giving back to a man is fantastic if he's been Pursuing you showing interest giving to you, of course giving from that full place I'd love to hear it. You have to say about that too. It's when we're giving because we don't feel full We're giving and over functioning and doing too much because we're trying to make something happen or Get something from a man that he's not just giving you on his own right now That's when it falls into this over functioning category You're giving from a place of like emptiness rather than just overflowing because this is like who you are This is what you want to do, right? Right because when we're giving and giving and giving and we're not necessarily receiving There is that's basically us saying we don't value what we're giving and the gifts of our presence and what we're doing are Are not as valuable as you know something that he does so it's like that one to ten ratio It's more just coming from the place of value like the night that you cook and dinner Value that that or when you give him a back massage like put so much love and Attention and care on that moment as an act of gratitude or whatever it is that he you know He will appreciate you you know that you know that he'll feel loved by you And however authentic he feels natural to you know really express your gratitude to him again It's all about authenticity, but Val value what you're giving and that's really I think that's the key pieces It's like I think so many women undervalued their presence in relationship, and so they think that they need to I hear this all the time like it's such a funny example But make him to get make him soup when he's sick and bring it to him like no And like you're in relationship and that and you're in that dynamic Like that's awesome, but at the very beginning of a relationship like that's a really big give that's a really really big offer This is just my perspective. It's not there's no right or wrong, you know, but this is just my experience There's gonna be such an imbalance, and that's why I kind of go to that Other side. That's funny. It's that example. So funny. I have a really close guy friend Is dating someone and he had a surgery or something and she made him chicken soup and brought it over and then proceeded to take Pictures of it and send it to all his family like look at this Holding it over his head like well, I made you soup And he's like I I rather that you just hadn't done that if you're gonna keep bringing it up And want something from me because he did this so perfect example of that. Yeah, if you're giving to him I mean, it's great if you're giving because it feels good to you It's sensually feels good in the cells of your body to do this for him Then that's fantastic. So it's all about where you're coming from with a lot of these right exactly Because we one of the things that takes love away is when we fold back sharing our laps So we don't want to like suppress our own desire to be loving and an offer and give but but it's again It's like really getting into okay, what how much how much have I really been filled up in this relationship? And again coming back to that dynamic thing like the last relationship I was in I remember I remember having a moment. I was on the couch We were watching our show, you know and and I recognized how how often like my partner he would get up He would get he would be the one to get up get the clicker He would be the one to go to the kitchen grab like water or popcorn or whatever He would be the one to get up and do these amazing things And I just got to sit back and relax and receive and I thought back to past relationships like way long ago You know where I was that one to like get up run around like Like don't on this person And what I've realized it if we talk a lot about like inspiring man's masculine potential You can inspire a man's masculine potential to get up and do Do things to wield the different his different swords and tools Be in this physical world because men are physically oriented And that actually helps him feel powerful. So it's not a men like to in that I don't know what you have to say on like if you can what you feel about what I'm saying But in my experience men actually really appreciate having the opportunity to do those things because It helps them feel purposeful and in their power as masculine Well, and yeah, absolutely So men like doing that if they feel like they're being received well And they feel like they're being appreciated for it and they feel like like they they Are being the man of the relationship and it's not kind of this obligation thing Or you know an expectation type of thing as long as they're doing it and they're doing it from a place of You know them like giving of themselves and being received fully It's a really really powerful place and so so real quick here. I want to um if you're watching right now I'd love to hear what you think Like what kind of behaviors do men have that are really attractive to you, right? So what uh, what do you guys do that are that can be really really attractive when they're around you what uh You know tell us here in the comments and we've got a lot of people here on here right now talking to us. So um Yeah, so so if you're here say hi and if you're here, let us know what you think um a man can do That's really really attractive to you And so one other thing that I want to mention here is that uh, we we just got a membership thing on our youtube channel And so below this video right here. There should be a link that says become a member And if you click on that it's five dollars a month And uh, we're going to be uploading lots of really great content exclusive content for people that are in our membership You know talking about why men pull away what to do and in difficult situations how to have you know difficult conversations with men, uh, you know different ways to text and talk to guys and uh Our wonderful and beautiful and amazing. Helena heart is actually You know, she wants this to be something that she does These live streams to be something that she does all the time and I know a lot of you out there really like it And so if you're um, if you're interested in in um having more content and exclusive content Just for you about what your biggest questions and interests are then sign up for our membership and um, You know, we thank you very much for that because um, you know, we all want Helena to be doing these live streams full time It's part of Helena's dream It's so weird not look being able to see the comments right now. That's not letting me look at the Which is totally fine. Um, we'll be answering your questions too if you're a member So become a member we'll answer your personal questions during these live streams, which I know a lot of people love to Awesome. Cool. So you want to move on to number two? Yeah, yeah, number two. Um, the second way women try too hard and it pushes men away is this one's a little counterintuitive It's pretending anything really pretending anything We hear from so many women on you. I bet you do too. Who just you know, like this relationship is exhausting or dating is exhausting And what we would say is you know, like dating in and of itself is not exhausting It's pretending like keeping up this facade pretending that you're someone you're not pretending You don't care when you really do trying to be that like detached cool girl Pretending something doesn't bother you when it really does and not setting that boundaries Just pretending to be easy going because you don't want that guy to think you are high maintenance Anything like that can really become exhausting after a while and even if a guy, you know Is attracted to you you wouldn't even believe that anyway because it's like it breeds this insecurity because Being attracted to this facade you're putting up. So that's one way we see women Trying too hard doing too much and it's it has the opposite effect of what they want on you Yeah, yeah, we can ultimately realize suddenly that we have been completely inauthentic in all of our relationships And and that's the really I actually had that like a few years ago I was realizing I was really stepping up and and trying to be this person that I decided was was valuable and what people would like and would love And I made friends and I was in relationships But I wasn't authentic and when I had that moment that I was like, wow I don't even know if these close friends that I have really know who I am, you know, so um It's yeah, and even listening to these videos and absorbing all this content is so powerful and it really helped to Transform your lives and at a certain point too. It's also knowing that This information gets to drop into the body and ultimately like when you show up on a date It's not about thinking what's the right next thing to do It's about feeling like what do I want to feel right now and just It's really about embodying your your truth and not Not trying to be what you've decided is the perfect picture Because that is ultimately what men in my experience are really wanting is is is the true feminine energy, which is dynamic and it's natural, it's Totally organic like it's it's not conditioned. It's completely it's like nature You know, it really it springs up here and it it springs up there and there's no order to it necessarily So when we decide, okay, I need to be perfect. I need to like really um fit myself into this box even though it's not really me Super detrimental in life Yeah, and I think and Matt we'd love to hear you have to say on this men can pick it up when you're being inauthentic Like if what you're feeling on the inside Is not congruent with your words and body language what you're presenting yourself on the outside A man can feel that often he might not be able to like put his finger on it But he can tell you're doing something or he can feel the disconnect in your energy and your vibe and it makes him Not trust you on a deep level like um classic examples like when a woman is clearly, you know Enraged and angry about something but she just goes quiet and shuts down emotionally or even worse Pace a fake smile on her face and gets extra sweet and understanding when deep down it's pretty obvious She's feeling something strongly, but not able to like authentically convey that So it doesn't do anything good, you know relationship to pretend right Can I say one more time and click on this like yeah that pretending that something doesn't bother you and being the cool girl like we talked about before it's We feel like we can be too much, you know Like I have that's such a constant thing I hear from so many women like well If I really share how I'm feeling like is he gonna be able to handle it? Like is it gonna be too much and the way I see it is it's well What's authentic to you because if you're suppressing those emotions You're also suppressing so many other things that ultimately could be so beautiful in your relationship Really want to attract somebody and be with somebody who can handle all of you So why become smaller and and more contracted and why not just be free and wild because that energies bring so much joy into a man's life like I've heard this from my partners in the past like how Just that energy the emotion the fluctuations. It's like it's color in in a more The power of the masculine energies is simplicity There's so much power to the simplicity of the masculine nature Whereas the feminists is very dynamic. So so put those two together and there's such a beautiful balance So if we you know think that we need to Up what actually is wild And if we're feeling emotions that we are ashamed of and hiding that then we're really you know kind of making a A colored movie become a black and white and and there's so much less joy that can happen in that relationship Yeah, I love that. I'm on you. Has there's so much more She only has this amazing analogy I was telling Matt I think yesterday about this incredible analogy of the masculine energy partner being like The ocean floor or the container or the ocean which would be the feminine and I always I never say it right But what is it the ocean floor does not yeah, I wrote this little poem. It's um The the floor of the ocean does not request that the sea warn him With with that that the ocean warned him when sea is about to storm. He's ready to handle whatever Weather comes his way. He's really he doesn't need her to To hide she doesn't need her to cover up her rage like or cover up her fears or like He's ready. He's he's strong enough and stable in himself enough to handle Like a tsunami, you know, or the most pristine beautiful clear Day with her and it's really his joy to experience those fluctuations and it and he knows his importance in that relationship without him There would be no container for her to have this life and without her there would not be as much There's just not as much energy to to work with so I I really and then there's that point on the beach when the ocean and the The sand meets the beach me and there's this beautiful Energy that there's this beautiful dance that happened it happens and the ocean I keep looking at this picture every time There's a picture of the ocean here Where the beach and the water really play with one another and they affect one another Like the water will sweep out the sand and sand will build up and they they work with one another they affect one another So that also Yeah, yeah, it's all about being authentic what and congruent like there needs to there can't be a disconnect between What you're feeling on the inside what you're showing on the outside because you feel like pretending is Somewhere in the relationship never works out that way, right? Yeah And and when we feel like when we pretend that something doesn't bother us We are basically disregarding our needs And then we disregard our needs we can never be in a relationship That's fully honoring of our true of what we fully bring and same with it goes for both sides Like if men ignore their needs then they never get to experience the relationship that really fully honors him and vice versa like we need to be so So confident in ourselves that we can attract exactly what we want and strong enough in our boundaries and our yeses and no's that It's easy to say no to a situation that doesn't feel good. It's just simple It's like rather than trying to fix that person and make them somebody that will you know rise up to your standard It's just like have those standards and if somebody Is there naturally been awesome there like a candidate to be in a relationship with you but if they don't if they don't um If they if you know that they're not really willing or wanting to Be at that level of loving you at the way that really feels good to you Then it's just an easy no thank you and and there's no harm that's done It's just this is this is the level i'm at i'm a high value person and i value my energy my time and presence and You know i i want to experience that in relationship on both sides i think on men and women Yeah, i think that um a lot of people would love to have a relationship where they can just kind of let go and Be in kind of their energy and go through it in that way And i think one of the big things that stops a lot of people from doing that is Uh, just things in the past, you know, the like ways that they've Experienced relationships before maybe pain that they've experienced in relationship before Specifically this one that we're talking about right here where you're pretending Uh, you know, you don't care. You're pretending like something doesn't bother you, etc I know a lot of women tell me that Um, you know, they're afraid that they're going to be too nagging You know, they're afraid that a guy's going to perceive them expressing their true selves as nagging And what i've found is that it's not really a woman expressing Like her feelings in her self as nagging the creation of expectation Around that or obligation around that that a guy really feels is is really gross or nagging because all of a sudden it goes from You know this this focus on you and and how you're feeling in that expression of yourself to this focus on him Where you're trying to get him to do something And in order to make yourself feel a certain way or something like that and it to a guy that's like, oh, you know like what are you doing right now and um You know, there's another aspect to this as well You know the pretending part which is and actually the first one as well where you're kind of A lot of times it'll come from this space of feeling like, you know, you yourself isn't good enough You know the the things inside yourself You're not worthy of being in a relationship or or maybe if he finds out the truth about who you are He won't really love you for who you are. He won't really like, you know Who you are as a human being and so a lot of times We all I know I've done this myself. I mean I was talking to I was just at this retreat about a week and a half ago two weeks ago And we're talking about how a lot I've done a lot of things in my life You know accomplished a lot of cool things and a lot of it came from the space of lack this place of like I'm not good enough right like I want to be worthy or deserving of these people And so I kind of threw people away and I was like, well, don't talk to me until I got this done Right. So then I'm like went and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna go do this Now you had this accomplishment and I'm like see guys, isn't it cool? You know, and then what I found was a lot of times like it all of a sudden My my worst nightmare came to pass because then instead of liking me for me They liked me for this accomplishment that I was touting, right? And so it became exactly what I didn't want. They didn't like me for they liked me for something else and so You know, I really think that being authentic and connecting with our true selves Is the best way forward and you know the the only way that we can really do that in a powerful way You know if we do have a lot of these pains and a lot of these hurts inside of ourselves Is to go in and heal that is to connect with what's inside there and to you know experience it fully Let go reframe, you know our beliefs about ourselves and who we are You know and and then naturally when we go and we're in front of people when we connect with them. It's not Uh, you know, we don't have to feel like we're pretending anymore And if we run into people that are pretending it becomes very apparent very very quickly and so um That's just thrown out some uh some super some super person advice there if you want to be a super person Let's go through some of the comments real quick here. Uh, we've got uh Her lean says use reverse psychology. Yeah. Um fathoma says you guys look fantastic. Well, thank you fathoma Uh, actually said that the sound keeps cutting out a bit. Sorry about that. We have technical difficulties all the time We're working on it. We're really working hard at Fixing our technical difficulties. It's like a never-ending road here Um, thank you ladies perfect ideas and good information Um complicated men. This is so fascinating. You know, um, I don't know if guys are really that complicated Maybe we are what do you think you do you guys think uh guys are complicated? No Yeah, you know the simpler form of human we still just want to be loved and And to love I think it We forget that men are actually vulnerable and want to feel love and to love as much as we do So I think that yeah, they that's the simple truth Situation can feel complicated, of course. Absolutely situations could be complicated men are pretty simple though They kind of just do what they want To do they go from it's like a more instinctual place like we women can talk ourselves into and out of Wanting to do something even being interested in a guy Men aren't like that. They follow their instincts. So yeah, and if you find I think it's really powerful That was talking about that healing, you know If you look at your relationships in your life like the last five relationships that you've been in or even the last Let's say 10 guys you've been on dates with and the way that those See if there's patterns in those relationships like maybe maybe It's not them that are the source of the complication or the drama But if it's a pattern that's showing up in your life like sometimes we attract the same thing Hey, because there's an awesome opportunity to Gain power there and to heal some wound that needs to be healed And also sometimes but sometimes will attract the same thing because it feels comfortable to us Even if it's not serving us and if it's not actually getting us to what we really want So I think that can happen a lot is we'll attract, you know the same kind of relationship Because even if it's not exactly what we want, it's comfortable We know it we know how it's going to play out and we can verify what we already know, which is okay I'm not worthy or I'm not enough or it those things those will be Our ego and there's a part of our personality that would rather Know what's going to happen even if it's not what we want because it feels safe So I think it's really powerful if you're finding that like this complications Um really take that moment and look within because we can break patterns so quickly. I talk about There are these three men that I dated not not not even dated but like these kind of share this again Okay, so um these three guys they were my best guy friends in in college It was like one right after the other of these three relationships Where we were first just best best best best best friends and then they started like me and I wasn't into them And then over the course of the friendship. I like completely fell in love And by that point they didn't love me. They didn't want they didn't want me and and it was Literally three relationships in a row exactly the same like super super close. I remember the last one I I was just Tears so sad heartbroken that this guy didn't want to be with me, you know And I remember that was when I was kind of learning about this these patterns that we that we have to work through And I was like, okay. This is a pattern obviously in my life It's showed up three times like I really don't want to feel this pain again I don't want to feel that very person who knows me the most Doesn't want to be with me that that hurts and so In that moment. I literally like went inside of myself. I put my hands over my heart I closed my eyes I took some deep breaths and I felt how painful it was like I really felt into a heartbreak and I sat with the pain long enough until it Transformed basically into peace and into like, okay I accept this and like I also know that I never I'm never interested in having this experience again It's like I love using the words. I'm not interested in this or I'm not available because it's just simply a reflective of where you're at And we can start to use those words in relationship And with men it's like, you know, some guy wants to be in your life And but he only wants a casual thing and you don't want a casual thing You don't just want to have sex with anyone but the more of a more Minute relationship. I love using the words like, you know what like I respect that's where you're at I'm simply not I'm not interested. I'm not available for it. So I'm not going to be that girl I'm not going to be that person that's available for that. So So I think that that's a really powerful way we kind of pull back Um and break these patterns that are in our lives is is and really receive what we want Yeah, I'm all about all about that breaking patterns. You can do it quickly. It's I love you Feel the pain let yourself feel it. It's the running away from those unpleasant emotions and We can all get I was doing this last week. I was I had a horrible week I was feeling really bad and and um And I met actually told me you just let yourself feel what you're feeling instead of I was like I'm gonna go work out and try and make myself feel better. He's like, no, you should actually feel it That's when the that's when things can really start to shift and it can happen quickly too So, yeah, you're attracting men who are who feel complicated There might be something about that that feels familiar to you And your subconscious mind is creating this spark of attraction with the kind of men and situations that feel familiar because that's where you feel safe. So, um Looking at some of these patterns can can be really really helpful to start to shift things Cool. So let's uh, let's go over a few more comments here real quick We photo gal says a man can sense when you give whether you Have motives motives or are freely giving question mark. Yes. Yes a man can sense Whether you're freely giving or whether you have motives or expectations Trust me Unless a guy is just completely brain dead. He will feel it when when you do that It's very easy. So, um Gaian Gaian says a man who know, okay, so yeah things that um are attractive. Remember if you're here, um, You know, tell us what you think guys do that are attractive What what are some behaviors that guys have that are really attractive to you? And Gaian says a man who knows what he wants Uh, Katharina says matt you're amazing I feel like I'm amazing too Um, jody says being strong and holding and hugging awesome. Mimi says keeping his word Uh, Katharina says I need a man to be much more affectionate all of the time Might be your love language, right? Physical touch is my love language too. I like hugs Um, I like massages. I like all that kind of stuff. It's my favorite thing in the world But some people don't yeah, you need to you need to know that Going my suggestion is to find that out. Uh, as soon as you can in a relationship Because it can you know really make or break a relationship Uh, have a dude warrior says love a strong woman who respects herself as much as I respect her Oh Absolutely. Oh, we know him We're hanging out with him last night. We told him we were about to do a life Yeah, amazing. Um, let's see. Ashley says within the first two weeks of our relationship I was sick as a dog showed up with halls and chicken noodle and he showed up with halls and chicken noodle soup My heart was melting. Yeah, there you go There you go Sally says act like a gentleman open doors and be considerate Stacey says Helena and burgundy looking great Thank you. We were shopping a couple nights ago. Anya was like my stylist We're like a whirlwind of energy. It's just like Helena. Yeah, I'm sure we closed down. We closed down the store We were like going crazy. It's so fun Um, crystal says has a job and is good to my children. I'd say that's important both of those things Um, Amy says being open with his feelings Yeah, I mean, you know, there's there's a uh, you know If you're and I just want to throw this out there one more time too We we just got a membership thing on our channel So if you want if you like these live streams and you want us to do more of them and you want us to talk about You know, uh, whatever your issues your specific situation is Whatever your questions answering your questions and your concerns, um, you know sign up for our membership We're gonna have lots of exclusive content just for you You know that you won't get anywhere else on the internet Including in any of our awesome programs that we also have which you should also buy because they're pretty awesome And they will help you did I mention how awesome they are? Helena hearts is the best It's feminine enchantment. You should totally do that if you really want to attract and keep the man in relationship of your dreams because She knows what she's talking about So, um, yeah, I just want to piggyback off of what, um, you two were saying about the whole, um Kind of healing thing, you know, I I really I think that that is some of the most important work that we can do It's it's the least Thing that people come to us for because a lot of people I think are scared of it You know, a lot of people don't want to go through it because it does, you know, it it takes courage It takes real courage to go and look at what's going on, you know Where you're you have pain and going and experiencing it fully and letting go of it You know, there's there's it takes courage to let go You know, a lot of people hold on to stuff because they feel like it's almost a part of their identity You know, like I mean, I I actually experienced this, um At the retreat that I was at a couple weeks ago. I had an experience when I was a child where, um My mom You know, she she dropped me off at my dad's house, you know, and she was like, hey, you know I'm gonna, you know drop you off here for the weekend. You know get all your stuff together and she dropped me off and Um, you know, like I was at my dad's place and I remember like it was a couple hours later And I was like talking to my dad and I'm like, hey dad, you know, like, uh, You know, what time are you taking me back over to my mom's place? And he was like, oh your mom didn't tell you I'm not taking you back. You're Staying with me now Right and like for me. It was like this big shock. I was like, whoa, wait a second. Like what do you mean? I'm staying with you like You know, I mean like, oh no, you're gonna be living with me from now on You know, and I've been living with my mom and so it was like this really weird thing and like like I had all these like that that was for me like this point in my life where I Uh realized that like, um Like all kinds of things came up for me Feelings of not being good enough feelings of like, you know, I'm all on my own feelings of like, you know People don't care about me. People don't want me, you know, like all that kind of stuff And it kind of like led to this thing where I started trying to prove myself my worth to the world And um, I remember, you know, experiencing this at the the retreat, you know, and I'm like in there crying and stuff and and I like, um I was like, I was like, wait if I let go of this What do I have? What's going to drive me? What's going to motivate me? What's going to push me to be a great man to to do great things in the world to build a great business And help lots of people and make a huge impact. What will drive me, right? And uh, one of the things I ended up having some conversations with some people there and they're like What do you want to drive you, you know, and and I'm like, yeah, what do I want? You know, I've been I've been driven by this pain For so long in my life What what would I rather have drive me and what I figured out was I'd rather have inspiration drive me You know, I'd rather have passion drive me. I'd rather look at life and not think oh I got to get away from this feeling of not being good enough But instead look at life and be like man, I want this Amazing awesome life for myself. I want to create this amazing thing in the world I want to help, you know people get into partnership and I want to heal this divide between dex's that we have in america I want to you know, create an environment where men and women feel like they're on the same team moving through this journey in life In these relationships that are fulfilling and satisfying and amazing, you know, that's what I want for everyone That's what I want for myself. That's what I want for Helena and Anya and you know, everybody that's on On this live stream with us and and the only way that I can really Do that and be in service and a strength of power is if I stop coming from this This place of needing this place of I'm not worthy this place of I'm not good enough and come into this place Of of service and come into this place of inspiration and passion because when I'm passionate Everybody around me can feel it and they know what's you know, what's happening there And when I'm not and I haven't been a lot in the business and I know a lot of people, you know, you can talk to Helena She knows, um, you know, there's I've been in a place of resignation a lot I've been in a place of you know, kind of being angry and you know, all these different things and That that doesn't serve it doesn't serve Helena. It doesn't serve, you know, the other coaches in our business It doesn't serve you Um, you know, the viewer watching this right now whoever you are It doesn't serve you for us to come from a place of need and a place of feeling like we're not good enough It it, um, you know coming from our higher self Is is always more powerful for all of us in every situation of our lives and am I running off on a tangent here? powerful Super powerful Yeah, and I I totally resonate Just with that I've actually been it literally was crisis in my life like for a couple years now still working through it in a sense where I had I did intentionally exactly kind of what you're talking about where I realized my motives for Everything that I was doing was coming from a place of lack and insecurity Like from the point of getting up in the morning and doing a meditation practice Like I decided that meditating was going to make me a better more valuable person So I did it with that intention in mind or exercising and eating right It was coming from okay. I need to be this certain way To be valuable and to be worthy um And the bit and like everything everything was running exactly from that place of I need to prove myself and Helena Actually said something that radically changed my life the other day She said no you said that why don't we think why did we think that we need to prove ourselves to the universe? Like think about the universe as your best friend or your lover who's always there Wanting to wanting to lift you up to your highest and wanting to provide and protect and to send you so many good things And like and I think it's so beautiful. We were talking about relationship here And I I'm just happy that in the field of relationships because I think it's one of those powerful things to be in in this world Because when it comes down to it, you know Why do if people aren't in like a more financial money scene and business it's like we're in business But primarily it's all about relationship And that's amazing because I always think that like people want to have success because ultimately that success will create the freedom in relationships so um, I don't know why I said that but just really honoring like what we're doing here and the depth that this can go and I always say, you know, we specifically as women we men benefit when we're deep like Physically emotionally That that intimacy that we can create by actually getting to know our souls at a very deep level And then you can see other people at a deeper level and you don't um, we move away from these superficial Relationships and we move away from the superficial life and we actually start to live where really the The truth of the matter is and and the substance that substance that's so Vibrant so I'm like doing this this healing work I'm just being courageous and looking at the deeper levels like yeah We're talking about what pushes the guy away But but it's ultimately like your whole life can transform by doing these deeper practices Yeah, it's so true. So so true. It's actually a perfect segue into the third thing that do you mind if we jump into that or Did you want to go ahead jump right? It's exactly what ania and matt we're just talking about so brilliantly and that is trying to be perfect Like the perfect segues like trying to always say the right thing or Present yourself in a way that you think a man is going to be valuable Kind of like what you're saying like proving yourself to the universe or and it works in relationships too Sometimes we like a guy we start to develop strong feelings for him immediately We put him on this pedestal. It's almost just like an instinctive thing It's automatic and and even on a very subtle level We start to try to prove ourselves to him when his love when him over trying trying too hard Everything that looks and feels like trying too hard and trying to be perfect Happened sometimes won't even realize that we're doing it But that's not what makes a man truly fall in love It's it's it's your what you perceive to be your flaws or imperfections or insecurities That's what's going to make a man see you and that's actually like the key to connecting with his heart It's not being perfect and always having the most brilliant thing to say, right? I'm able to say about this one. Do you want to say something that? Well, I always have things to say You know because it's funny because a lot of women come to us to learn about what to say, right? They're like, what do I say to this guy? What do I say in all the situations? What do I say to make them attracted to me? What do I say? You know, what do I say? What do I say? What are you saying? We give lots of information on what to say and you know is interesting We were actually talking about this on Helena's channel a couple days ago And there was this woman that came into our community and she bought one of my programs All the love frames toolkit and it's this program about how to create the The frame or the like How to create what your relationship is about right and it's all words, right? It's how to say things that create a relationship We talk about how to create boundaries how to become more valuable, you know Like all kinds of things and this woman came into our community our facebook group Called the goddess community not in there. You should go jump in just search the goddess community on facebook and join And this woman she posted like what she said in this text, right? And it was like like one Thing that I said in the love frames toolkit after the next after the next after the next Right. I mean that was the conversation was literally that and at the end of it She's like, what do I say next, you know, and you're like You know like having You know when we give you something to say or we help you Kind of reflect what it is that's going on inside of yourself and you know trying to connect with the man and drawing him Closer it doesn't like mean that you should stop having normal conversations It doesn't mean that you should replace a normal conversation with Just these words and phrases that we give you that's you know, I mean He's not getting to know you that way. You're not bibing, you know, you're in that space A lot of times when women do this and they're trying to do it, you know, again It's coming from that space of being afraid of something, right? There's a woman in the chat that said she she was afraid of the unknown and that that's what was We're all afraid of different things, you know, a lot of people live their entire lives in fear We all have fear. It's a healthy thing actually to have fear. It's it's helped us in our you know Our you know, many generations back and in our own lives right now It stops us from dying in many cases, right because we're afraid of things But in a lot of cases it doesn't help and uh, you know in this case where you're um, you know connecting with a man and you're being attractive and you're You know communicating with him and you have these verbal dialogues back and forth coming from a space of fear Usually is not very helpful coming from a space of love coming from a space of confidence coming from a space of Of you know real genuine connection and authentic connection is usually a lot more beneficial Um, you know, if you need things to say we can give them to you You know, just don't try to replace them because it's not healthy You know, just think about feel where you're coming from when you're using something when you're talking to a guy If you're coming from a place of I need him to do this or be this way or act that way It you know that that he can feel that right and he feels it and he goes oh, she's trying to you know What a lot of times it feels like for a man Is it feels like you're trying to change him right? You don't accept him for who he is You're not loving him because you're trying to get something from him You're or it might feel like you know, you don't really value yourself, right? And like as soon as you flip in um, alaina talks about this in the uh the webinar that uh, we created she created Not too long ago. Um, but you know if you know if you come up from a place of not Valuing yourself where you don't feel like you value yourself and you bring that to a man Right, whoever's most certain about their beliefs their belief system is the person that Kind of gives their belief system for the other person. So if you come to um a man And you have a belief system that you're not good enough and that he's not going to like you for who you are and all these other things What's going to end up you're going to end up creating with him is a space where he doesn't value you He doesn't like you he doesn't you know all these fears that you have is what's going to be created in front of you with him And so you know, it's that's why it's so important That's why we keep you know kind of harping on this whole idea of you know healing yourself and connecting you with yourself And where where are you coming from? What space are you coming from when you're connecting with a man because it's so so important It's it's the foundation for everything because you can have all the right words to say And maybe it'll trick them for a little bit But a relationship isn't a little bit It's long periods of time with being with someone and whatever you know Crap you have in your mind, you know or healthy stuff that you have in your mind is going to come out Right and it's going to you know, he's going to see it. You're going to see it You know everybody's going to see it because we all have it right? We all have issues None of us don't have issues, you know, like what Helena and I were talking about we're both really awkward people I don't know what Ania is like. She must be awkward too or she wouldn't be hanging out with Helena I definitely know i'm awkward I was I was actually at the gym yesterday and so next week i'm flying down to Florida and I was talking to this Woman at the gym and she was like She's like, oh, yeah, what are you doing down in Florida? You going there for business or for pleasure and I'm like Business She's like she's like, um, I'm just gonna go with that and like she turned to walk away. I'm like that was so I was just so I wanted to like high five people be like You know, um, but yeah, you know, I mean we all have issues and that's not the problem Right the problem, you know, like the fear is that have issues and people aren't going to accept them, right? And the reality is that we all have issues and we're all starved to be around somebody who um Be around people who are are real, you know, like there there's communities that That sometimes i'm a part of there's one up up north of here. It's called the integral center I think they're actually closing down but one of the things that they do is this thing called authentic relating where you You like sit with people and you try to experience what it's like to be in that person, right? And you just let them talk and then you kind of talk back to them and say things that you're experiencing of them in that moment and what ends up happening is You kind of get into their body and you start experiencing them and you know real things Usually end up coming up and you have these really deep conversations and people get addicted to this stuff Because it's so amazing, you know, when you're living through your life and you're talking to people and everybody's like, hi How's it going, you know, and you're like You know, like deep inside you're like dying, you know, but you're You know, everybody's afraid that they're going to be this weirdo That's saying weird things to people and talking about weird stuff, you know But in reality, we're all humans and what we're doing when we're acting like, you know, mr Mr. And this is perfect is that we're acting weird, right? We're not being authentic. We're not being real And um, you know, there's plenty. There's people out there that can't handle real, which is fine You know that there's people that aren't going to be in your life You know, there's people that aren't going to be in my life, you know, and it's I'd rather have people I'd rather be able to be real, you know, I'd rather be able to talk about real things with people Then be stuck in this world of like living a lie and trying to be fake and pretending and saying the right thing all the time, you know Buying, you know, you know, I mean, it's just it's not Uh, it's not healthy. Um, it doesn't work. You know, it's doesn't work for you long term There's only so long you're gonna be able to uh, keep it up. And so God i'm just going off on a tangent here. You guys want to cut me off here. What do you have to say about that? Can you take notes because I have like 1700 things to say now from what you said, but um How happened So I had this beautiful. I love every single thing you're saying and I think with uh I used to kind of have shame over how deep I was Like I was so I was just like always having these deep conversations and like I got this message from the outer world that like that was weird or Like odd and and then I'm like, you know what I really like At this level and I I experienced so much joy in finding people that can meet you there Um, and so I'm not going to worry about what those other people say and therefore now my whole life is Surrounded by people who are you like to live in this way? And and I actually like that's the elevated the elevated woman archetype in a sense It's like when you choose to be vulnerable first, you know when you choose to Make that leap and just share something authentically and transparently and vulnerably Humans are creating connection. This is this is a commitment connection So connection is created when we have when we share vulnerabilities and we share our true self So I always I think it's really powerful to build up that muscle The courage muscle to be the vulnerable one first like be the one to share something that might be a little bit uncomfortable to you Because you'll I've noticed this over and over and over again people like melt in your presence They're like, oh my god somebody who can like I can actually share something real with or like I can actually release the stress That's been inside of me and it's such a you become this automatic connection creator and it's so beautiful Um, and I had this I remember I think it was like three years ago or so I remember I was in Santa Cruz. I went to school there and I was in my room and I just had this Flash this understanding where I was thinking about all the people that I loved in my life And I was like, you know what what I love about these people is like just it's just their essence It's like the way they They get out of the car and it's the way they they laugh and it's the funny things that we do together and it's I realized that the people that were in my life that were bringing me the most value What I was loving about them was simply their essence and these little things about them and I was like Wow, if I love all these things about these people so much It's like maybe they love me for my little quirks and my little essences as much um And even more recently I did kind of a similar exercise where I wrote I just do this sometimes where I write down people that I'm grateful for I'll write down all my best friends like this little soul sister This this list of names and people that I love And the last time I did this I included my own name And it was like to actually include my own name on the list of people that I admire and love so much I was like, wow these people in my life must value me as much as I value them And suddenly I was realizing my value at a whole other level. It was such an interesting thing. Um But anyway, I don't know if this is No, it's exactly the other side of what we're talking about. Yeah, I would say men Men love about you what you love about yourself, right? So it's those million little things that you don't know you're doing That's what is going to make a guy fall in love right for your quirks and you're you're just little idiosyncrasies And so like I love my awkwardness. I know I'm super awkward. I see it in the comments under my videos. She's so awkward You know, it's like I know I get it. I like I like that about myself. I do I think I think I'd be You know, I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't have that going on. So um, yeah So everyone let us, you know, what do you love about yourself? Those things that you think you might want to hide from others. That is what he's going to make a man You know, endear him to you. That's what he's going to find adorable and make him fall in love truly, right matt? You're a man, right? Yeah, that's right If you brought what you love about yourself Just let your awkwardness flow Yeah, and I think when we can when we can laugh at ourselves too Like that's what it brings so much brightness to you. I remember I had this laughing attack I like with my ex I we I just had this complete laughing attack. I was literally on the ground I couldn't stop laughing. I mean it took a picture of me and I was like just laughing there And it was just this shared memory that we have just this funny little moment of true authenticity like silliness and Those are the moments that men fall in love, you know, really or or like how we can't pick our ice cream flavor and how Um, we will just all the the little tiny tiny things and and with this last key like trying not to be We try to be perfect. We think we need to be perfect hair skin nails body uh career perfume like everything needs to be perfect and um It just it puts us in a in a box and our true powers women is is not at all a box Actually matt the masculine power is is more of a box. It's a structure in the framework So so stop trying to put yourself in a box. Is that just putting you in this masculine framework? That's not Really in it congruent with your true power like you're more of a circle you go around and you'll have different Experiences and express yourself in different ways And that dynamic nature is such a it's the greatest skill. That's what pulls the guy in right? That's what makes you like a magnet for it. It's that feminine energy Totally spontaneous and random and ridiculous and silly and all over the place and fun That's right feminine energy I mean really it is it's it's uh, like it changes everything And right now we live in this society where there's a lot of things that are kind of being shamed and under attack and stuff like um, you know There's a lot I see it in our um, we had it a little bit in our community for a little while Where women were kind of shaming other women and like attacking them, you know for wanting to be feminine um, I I met someone um, uh A couple months ago who was like telling me that you know one of her dreams in life was to be a You know 1960s uh housewife and she couldn't tell her friends about it because you know They like attack her and stuff and like really shame her for having these Right, and it's like, you know, who are you to you know, you know, I mean, why why would you care? You know if a woman wants to be feminine if she wants to like, you know, be of service if she wants to do whatever I mean, why do you care? You know, I don't understand why people are trying to make people be a certain way I mean if if you know, there's certain things that work right and and we we live in this society where we're like Okay, you know, we're evolved. We're a man and woman. We're equal You know, we don't have to do these things anymore and and you know, and there's a lot of power to that Right, there's a lot of service that women have been able to give to our world because of that kind of framework that we got into And there's this other side where there's you know, we have these biological drives and urges that we pretend Don't exist, right? Or we're trying to pretend like they aren't there, you know And we're trying to kind of move towards this more androgynous thing, right, which um it's um It's on You know one It's kind of harmful in a lot of ways because a lot of people shame masculine men the shame Feminine women and it's that polarity that creates like a really strong deep attraction, you know And if a man, um, you know, when you see a man and he's like attracted to a woman, right? He's attracted to all these different aspects of her and you know, one of the aspects is her physical features Which I think is one of the reasons why we're stuck in this society where we have um, you know, so much that's so focused on sex is because you know, we we've tried to remove these Aspects of ourselves of being men and women where we have this masculine and feminine thing And if they you know, and if that's not you it's fine But you know at the same time don't shame people for it because we've kind of created this thing where a lot of people are like You know, we we see each other and we're like well, we want to have sex But i'm not really attracted to her energy or her personality or all these things And so when you come Into a space with men where you are in your feminine where you are connected to this amazing feminine energy that you have It like separates you from everyone else That's out there all the other women that are out there because all these other women are you know doing all these weird Androgynous things which you know is again is fine I don't want to you know, like I hate on anybody that's doing that and at the same time, you know It doesn't create this powerful Magnetic feminine magnetic pull that guys have when they walk into a room and they see this woman Who's just in her feminine energy and they're just like oh my god You know which is what guys do you know when they see that you know you you meet a woman that's inner feminine You're just like I mean you're just like And all the other guys are like dude dude you see her and You know and and you'll hear conversations, you know later on and they're like You know, she's not really the type of woman that I'd go for but I know there's something about her It's just so unbelievably hot and I just oh my god I want to rip her clothes off and that sucks with her and like, you know Cut her up in a ball and like you know like take her with me everywhere I go and you're just like Yeah, man. Yeah I guess you guys don't have conversations like that with guys Well, yeah, and I think and The sex thing is interesting because like this culture that has Objectified this us all so much the both men and women and taken the essence and the true power way of of it It's like We are just hitting the surface of what's possible and into the sea in relationship and love by staying Committed to the image We are yeah, we're really denying ourselves of like Rue dynamic intimacy. Um, there's something else I was going to say about something in my mind But yeah, and just like when oh, yeah, this is it when we value. Oh, yeah, this is perfect so remember and like fourth grade fifth grade sixth grade when you dress like your best friend and like you go to the Mall together and get like the same cherry outfit and like like want to be the same and it was like it was was Um, it was cool to be twins and then later on you're like, okay I don't don't copy me like I don't want to be copied and that's that's us moving away from this Okay, like this one way is the right way like I have to get in to actually realizing like the more I differentiate the more you Go into yourself like your soul and and again just get to know who you really really really are You become differentiated and you become like a star in the galaxy and there's no other star That's like you therefore you are such a high value Being because there's literally no one like you and then we really are all this but we whether we you don't really believe that in ourselves often So when you allow yourself to like get to know that there's nobody else really there you will never exist ever again Never have and you never will in the exact same form and personality and energy That you do right now therefore like what makes something high value is that it's rare And I think and it's also what helps us realize there's no competition like I used to go into I used to literally go into like a party or a room and I would like Literally judge the other women. I would like categorize beauty and I categorize rank um Like that girl's more beautiful than me So she's more valuable than me and those girls aren't as pretty as me So they're not as valuable as me as I would literally do this. It's like Awful, but I did it was natural. It was just what happened and I'm not gonna Mad at myself. It's a natural thing. Yeah, it's a natural thing and I remember consciously shifting away from that consciously choosing not to compare and just basically realize that That person is really beautiful. Everyone's really beautiful because they're all super distinct and that but the point is is I value I literally value myself So much and I know there's no one like me. So you you are once once you come into that understanding That mad is talking about who like like the guys see from across the room and they're like, whoa There's like something about her and it's because you differentiate yourself from the crowd You're that shining bright beautiful star that they've never seen before because No, they have it and they know that to experience you is to experience Is to experience something so rare and so powerful and beautiful And it comes from you value yourself like that that way. Yeah, yeah And it's true. There there is no such thing as competition when you are hooked up with you are with who you are Right? You're you're in alignment with who you are there. I mean, they're You're the one no, he wants to do with you and come after you It's not about trying to be perfect or fit into a box or anything like that You're so good at talking about this stuff. You're like the master at that really Yeah, um, she really like she really practices what she preaches and we just like Going out in the world with on like she just exudes love and just like the reaction is just like unbelievable Well, Helena attracts us everything we needed more like Yeah, it's just like a magnet for everything It's it's it's we're fine. It's not and it's because we like I don't really practice Yeah, it's about embracing your imperfections It's just like I feel crazy and chaotic today and everything's a mess and I had a really rough week last You know last week with technology breaking down and all these other things and and if I were yeah Sometimes it's trying to hold it all together and be perfect Is not where it's at especially when it comes to attraction and um making it a guy fall in love The complete opposite completely opposite of that and all of our relationships like today I I literally like Helena I'm having this insecurity come up like I'm having this insecurity like I was totally having this trigger happen And I was just like you know what I don't want to hold this in I'm gonna bring it up to the surface and just share And it's just like that just creates it's so much more connection and bond and closeness in our in our friendships and our relationships It's like, yeah, it's really powerful when we get to that level. Yeah, it's practice cool, so I just want to mention one more time. Uh, we just started getting membership This membership option on our youtube channel And so if you're enjoying these chats that we have you, you know, love the beautiful and amazing Helena Hart and all of her great You know advice that she gives on these subjects and and you want her to do some live streams for you You want us to have live streams every week? um, you know, let us know and We will uh, or let us know uh join There's a link underneath this video That goes it says become a member, you know, click on the link next to that and join up it's five dollars a month and uh, you know, Helena Hart will be on here every week and we will have guests on here And we'll do live streams discussing what you want to talk about and your questions and the things that are going on with you Um, so I just want to uh, thank everybody for being here today. We've run out of time. Uh, thank you, Anya Thank you, Helena. Thank you matt myself And uh, thank you everybody that's here, you know, as as i've mentioned before you are the best part of Our business and our community and what we have going on here We couldn't do it without you. You know, we're really um Striving to deliver as much value as we possibly can to you and so You know, let us know join join our membership. Uh, you know join our facebook community It's the goddess community on on facebook. Just search for it and join and uh, thank you so much for being here Um, it's been a it's been a pleasure. Thanks for being a part of this growing movement that we have to Kind of reconnect and heal the divide between men and women in our country. Did you guys want to say anything? I think you said I'll just thank you so much. I I don't even know if anyone's still watching Because I But thank you for watching to the end of you are we love you guys so much This is so much fun for us and we can feel without you. So we hope to be doing more of these soon All right. Thanks a lot. Bye. Bye