 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Johnathan Asley of johnathanasley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, does he want a future with you? How to tell? We're gonna find out if he really wants a future with you. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you'll be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian. So my advice goes contrary to public opinion and tradition. And then again, I invite you to sift through it and see if it makes sense for you. All right, let's talk about the guys who want a future with you. Well, first let's discuss the dating process really quickly because many people think it's an absolute mess out there. And I think it is for very good reason. I'm gonna repeat that. It's a real mess out there for a very good reason. And one of those reasons is these days, most people aren't very intentional in the dating process. Let me repeat that they're not very intentional in the dating process where they might be seeking companionship, connection, and sex, but the intentionality really centers around being in a fully committed relationship, desiring to be in a fully committed relationship. And I think the real challenge, particularly for men, and especially this is true of men in midlife, and I always say midlife is after baby-making years and before retirement. For those men, a significant number of people in this age demographic are divorced, roughly about 75% of people over 45 years old who are active in the dating scene are divorced. And then we have some of the widowers and the never married crowd. So the challenge with folks who have gone through a divorce is they're oftentimes less likely to want to commit in the future if they had a bad experience in their previous relationship. I'll repeat that they're less likely to want a fully committed relationship if they had a significantly bad previous relationship. So that missing piece is that commitment piece and it can be really confusing, especially since women are predisposed to want to be in a committed relationship. And that's not true for all women. And yet significant percentage of women don't want to enter the dating process unless it leads to something fully committed. So if a person doesn't desire commitment but they want that companionship connection and sex, right? And you desire commitment, how do we determine this? How do we figure out if someone genuinely wants a future with us? Now I think one of the things we have to address, and this is the monkey in the room or the elephant in the room, is getting over the hump, and what I mean to say is, it used to be back in, let's go 50, 60, 70 years ago, the average courtship lasted a nanosecond in the period of time. And what I mean to say is most courtships lasted a few weeks, maybe a few months because if two people wanted to have sex together, they oftentimes had to get married before the guy could get laid. So he made the ultimate commitment in the past. In addition, in the past, we most of the time met people that lived in our, well, let's go back to caveman days, lived in our tribe, and then eventually lived in our village, and then eventually lived in our town, or maybe even somebody we worked with, maybe when we get up to the 50s and 60s or even the 70s. And why I'm sharing this with you is most of the time, those folks shared the same values, their lifestyles were blendable. So it made it much easier to progress the relationship. Now, if we fast forward today, we're in a whole different ballgame. We are a melting pot of different cultures, different races, different ideologies, different values, and certainly different lifestyles, which makes it very difficult to actually build that early stage of bonding together if you're not intentional about the process. I repeat that if you're not intentional about the process. Now, many of you women who watch my channel because my channel is predominantly women, you might be saying, well, I am intentional in the process. Well, if you were, then you wouldn't leaving it up to the man to be the leader of the relationship because if the number one search term out in the dating realm is why are men commitment phobic? Why do men ghost? Why do men disappear? If that's the predominant searches going on in the YouTube universe and in the Google universe, wouldn't it make sense to want to understand the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship, to understand compatibility beyond the chemistry piece? Because here's the thing, most everybody believes chemistry equals relationship success. Men and women alike, it's basically practically built into our DNA that we believe that this is gonna lead to relationship success. If that were so true, then everybody that you had the amazing chemistry, oh my God, Jonathan, I have so much amazing chemistry with this guy. And yet we're completely incompatible with one another. Maybe you might start thinking about my relationship, iceberg, and if you're not familiar with it, I want you to take a look at it right here. Above the waterline, you can see the word attraction and you can see the tip of the iceberg is chemistry. But below the waterline is compatibility, shared values, blendable lifestyles, and emotional maturity. And here's the thing, a significant percentage of people out in the dating realm have weak emotional skills and weak relationship skills at best. You know, it's interesting. I was watching a video from a therapist who I quite admire. Her name is Laura Gottlieb. She wrote the book. Maybe you should talk to somebody. You should definitely check that out. By the way, all my recommended books are in my description under Jonathan recommended books. And it's interesting because here's the thing, many of you are in relationship, you're in relationship, but there's so much contention in the relationship because just because two people have chemistry with one another and enter into a relationship, doesn't mean that they're really good at being in relationship. In fact, the vast majority of the population, as I said before, has weak relationship skills. And if you haven't seen this chart that I've created, it's called Emotional Maturity Relationship Skills. And by the way, these statistics I'm about to share are not a fact, it's just my opinion, but roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues that make it very difficult for them to lean into a relationship. Now, I do state that roughly about 20% have healthy emotional and relationship skills and I'm being ridiculously generous when I say 20%. Because the vast majority of the population have dysfunctional relationship skills and this isn't men, this is you women as well. I think you all live in this fantasy bubble that you're so good with your relationship skills because you have a capacity to vomit your feelings to your girlfriends, doesn't necessarily make you good at interpersonal skills with somebody else. Now, I'm not trying to say that to shame you in any way, I'm trying to impart upon you the importance to understand that most couples therapist have to deal equally with the same emotional wounds and traumas that the man went through as well as the woman went through. I'm gonna repeat that, the therapist usually is dealing with an equal amount of trauma. Now, each person's trauma is different but my point is, is those traumas cause negative patterns and limiting beliefs in your life that make it very difficult to lean into a relationship. This is why if you're not familiar with the book The Hoffman Process, The Hoffman Process, I highly recommend checking it out because this helps you deal with your childhood wounds and traumas that cause negative patterns and limiting beliefs in your life that make it difficult to actually form that relationship that's going to go the distance. This is why anyone who's, I'm very blessed to be a coach. I'm very blessed to be a coach. I get emails every day from clients who have worked with me. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy. And they know the difference because they've gone through this experience of understanding the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship and how to ask better questions right from the very beginning. In fact, one of the things I teach is something I call radical honesty, not that I made up that term, but I teach that in how to ask better questions in the early stages so you don't waste time with the wrong guy. By the way, there's a link below in the description to schedule a discovery call with me. And why I'm sharing this with you, my client success, and I'm so blessed to have so many clients who are now experiencing a juicy, delicious relationship because what I'm about to share with you, these signs of how to tell a guy sees a future, every one of my clients has been experienced the same thing. So I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses. I'm gonna show you my notes real quick. Does he see a future with you? How to tell. And as I said before, what's most important is getting past the hump, which is that piece of where men are driven by sex to the men who are ready to be in relationship. And that's where, again, my coaching helps out. What I'm about to share is once you're in a relationship, how to really tell he wants to go the distance with you. Number one, and this is actually ridiculously obvious, but it's the men who state right up front, they want a fully committed relationship, they want partnership, they want marriage, they want live together. And they either say that in the beginning phases or they say that shortly, when they start to say that after sex, when a man says, look, I'm looking for a fully committed relationship and this is after sex, that's a really good sign that he possibly sees a future with you. I want you to think of how many men say, it's so funny, how many guys will say, well, I'm looking for a relationship and then you've spent some time together, he's pursued you, you've had sex together. And all of a sudden he does this back pedal, I call it the dysfunctional moonwalk, the dysfunctional moonwalk, trademark Jonathan Asley, the dysfunctional moonwalk, where he says, you know what, I'm not looking for anything serious, I just want something casual. They do back peddling or they start to complain about their life as a way for you to break up with them. And so a guy who's genuinely serious about the future with you, he's going to say the words after sex and not, again, he might say it before having sex, saying I'm looking for a fully committed relationship, but certainly after sex, they reinforce that they're looking for something serious. Okay, that's number one. Number two, he introduces you to the people that are close to him in his life, his family, his friends, his coworkers, he's involving you in his personal life. Now, I know many of you are going, well, Jonathan, I'm in a long distance relationship, he can't do that. Well, guess what? One of the things that's critically important for the success of a relationship is having your community a part of the dating process. And I mean this, having your community, having those people close around you. And when a guy isn't introducing you to his family, his friends, his coworkers, those people that are important to him, that's not a good sign that he sees a future with you because guys who are genuinely ready to go the distance, they want to incorporate you into their life. They want to incorporate you into their life. Okay, number three, he's progressing the relationship forward. In other words, you're not feeling any doubts about his level of commitment to the process of getting to know one another. You're not feeling doubts because he's progressively progressing the relationship forward. Now, ideally, you're also contributing to the progression of the relationship moving forward. In fact, if you're not familiar with my work, I can continually talk about the two lane street, the two lane street. In other words, it's two cars, you're in one car, he's in another car, and the effort that you put in the relationship is relatively mutual to one another. It's not that you have to sit back and you're a feminine energy, let him claim you. Yes, that works temporarily for the guys who are chasing sex. You can sit in your feminine energy all day long. And if a guy is just looking for sex, he'll find a way to capture you. But do those guys really stick it out? Probably not. In fact, emotionally healthy men are looking for women who are co-creative in the process and not just leaning back and waiting for the guy. And I've got to tell you something that drives me fucking nuts. I can't tell you how many women reach out to me for coaching. And when I get on the phone with them, and this is our first time session, and when I listen to how much effort the woman's making in the relationship, it's like, well, I haven't heard from them in four days. I'm like, did you reach out to him? Ladies, I'm here to say it's a mutual effort on both parts. It's not you always, again, leaning back, waiting for him, waiting, waiting, waiting. That waiting game, he's off to five other women because you're sitting there waiting for him. I'm suggesting make effort. In fact, I had one client or woman client reach out to me. She was sharing with me about a man that she just started seeing. I'm like, reach out and suggest, hey, by the way, they've gone on five dates together and she hadn't heard from them a few days. I'm like, she's thinking about doing the leaning back and waiting for him and living her life bullshit, which I know you've been sold on that narrative, bullshit. I said, reach out to him and say, hey, I was just thinking of you. If you're free on Wednesday or Thursday night, I'd like to make dinner for you or take you out for a drink. And when he got the message, he was like, oh my God, I'd love that because she made effort in the process. So I know I went off on a tangent, but I'm saying he's progressing the relationship forward because you're also co-creative in that process. And number four, he's modifying his life to fit into your life and you're modifying your life to fit into his life. Remember I said before in this relationship, iceberg, blendable lifestyles. That's number two in compatibility. When a guy starts modifying his life to start to blend in yours and you start to blend in with his, it's a great sign. He wants to progress the relationship forward. I have a client who's, she's now, her and her boyfriend, planning on moving in together. They've been together for three years. And what was the actual shift was because they lived 30 miles apart from one other, he said, and she said, look, I don't feel comfortable in your home. Well, he called an interior, or he asked for her friend's name, who's an interior decorator. And right now he's gonna be changing his home and modifying it because he wants to make it a more compatible place for her to live. And it's home for her is really critically important. And when she expressed that, he modified his life to make her happy. That's what guys do when they want to progress the relationship forward, when they see a future with you. And lastly, and number five, and by the way, there's a dozen things that men do, but this is in my short video. Number five, he asks your advice on big as well as small things. He asks for your advice. When a man seeks your counsel, that's a great sign. Now, I'm not talking about counsel on how to raise his children or things like that. And especially if he's got problem, I'm not talking about guys that have problems in their life and seeking your advice. That's therapy session. That's a big difference. I'm talking he has big decisions to make in his life. And he checks in with you because you're an important part of his life. That's a great sign. He sees a future with you. He invites you into the bigger decisions in his life. Just like I was sharing before, the man who's gonna remodel the home or not a significant remodel, a minor remodel a couple of bathrooms and a little bit to the kitchen and that sort of thing. But he invites you in on those big decisions in his life. It might be about his work. It might be some other areas. That's a great sign. A man sees a future with you. Folks, you're not gonna be able to tell this on a first, second, third, fourth, fifth date. And just remember, it takes about a hundred hours of face to face time to build the first layer of trust. And then you gotta get through the three month mark or that is the three month mark. Then you've gotta get past the nine month mark and then the one year mark. And when you've invested a year and if none of these things are happening in your relationship, then chances are he's happy with the companionship, connection and sex, but he has no real interest in wanting to take care of you. And ultimately, isn't that what commitment's all about? Wanting to take care of someone, just like wedding vows say through sickness and health, rich or poor, thick and thin. Ultimately, full commitment is saying, I'm gonna be there for you through the tough times. And sadly, these days, most people are looking for surface relationship, companionship, connection and sex at their beck and call. And that's not a good sign. And so I want you to study these books I've recommended. Again, definitely read the book. I didn't mention this earlier, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. And before the penis goes inside the vagina, purchase two copies of this book and make sure it's part of your repertoire together. Because the more you communicate with each other at a vulnerable, authentic, transparent way, the deeper intimacy you build with each other. And that's what this book does, it helps build deeper intimacy and intimacy means into me you see. So definitely check this out. All right. That covers the content portion of this video. Now we're ready for Q and A. And if you're watching the live stream, there's a chat box right at the corner there. I invite you to post a question if you have a question for me. Simply write the word question, post the question there after or purchase a super sticker super chat. There's a little dollar sign in the box. And if you're listening to the audio, you won't be able to see this. All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. Connor's my son right there and there and there. He's my son who passed away a few years ago. In his honor, I started a scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development for those who seek help and also to donate to the charities, personal development charities that mean a lot to me like the Hoffman processor Insight. So purchase a super sticker super chat and it also tells me you value my content. All right, let's see what we have in the Q and A board today. Kim says, question. Can you explain hidden mutual attraction and why it happens? Hidden mutual attraction. I don't know that term. I'll have to look that up, Kim, but thank you. I'm not familiar with that term hidden mutual attraction. I guess I could assume that it's two people are attracted to each other but they're not vocalizing it. But I'll have to look up in that. All right, really quickly, I wanna thank Rebecca for the $4.99 super sticker. Thank you so much, big hugs to you. I really appreciate that. Ms. Cyberin says, question. How do I know a 50 year old man wants to be with you or be, I basically laid it out. He clearly states he wants a long-term relationship. He introduces you to his family and friends. He progresses the relationship forward. You're not feeling doubt. He's modifying his life into yours. And lastly, he seeks your advice on big decisions. That's a great sign he's seeking that. So, Yama, thank you so much for that question. All right, let's go swimming. You have a question, post the word question or purchase a super sticker, super chat. All right, let's see. Lily says, mutual effort. I've made the mistake of putting in too much effort. Think about this. Why would you invest in a company without any return? Effort, action, follow-through. Great point, Lily. You know what? I oftentimes cite a contemporary of mine. His name is Matthew Hussie. And I watched one of his videos about a year ago. And he shared something that I really liked. He said, invest and test. And what that means is make an investment and see if he matches the investment and then see if he makes investment. And then you match his investment and you make investment and see if he matches. Invest and test. Folks, I am not a big proponent of doing more effort into the relationship than a man. As I said before earlier, I said, I see it as a two lane street. You should be traveling together and making mutual effort in the relationship. You know what's interesting though? I was watching a video as I shared earlier from a therapist and she said, men predominantly think of three things on a first date if they wanna ask a woman out on a second date. They think of things like, am I attracted enough to her? Here's the thing. Men aren't looking for super models. I mean, as much as, I mean, we all fantasize it just about just like women fantasize about Brad Pitt or George Clooney or whomever is your hot Harry Styles or whoever and men attractive enough for them. They're easy to talk to or easy to talk with. And lastly, is this woman kind? That's our decision making for a first date. What was interesting, the therapist was saying, a women have a list of a hundred things they're thinking about the date. Did he plan to date? Did he pay for the date? Did he pay for the ballet? Did he do this? Did he wear the right clothes? Did he smell right? Does he have the right job? Does he do this? Does he blah, blah, blah? The list for a women is a hundred things. Now this is where the term men are simple. Now men are ridiculously complicated once you're in relationship, but getting to a second date, we men are simple. For you, it's a laundry list, at least that's according to the therapist. And so can you see why this is hard for two people to get past the first, second or third date with each other? Make it simple. Are you attracted enough? Is he easy to talk to? And was he kind? Why don't you follow the male methodology on this one instead of the laundry list that many of you ladies do? And I'm just sharing what I heard publicly, okay? So Lily, I'm coming back to your point about mutual effort. I'm in full agreement of mutual effort. And quite frankly, if again, if people were more intentional, I have had women share with me and I'm coming back to something I've said frequently. I have so many women who reach out to me ever since I've introduced the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. I have women now telling me I purchased two copies of this book for the man I just started dating. And before we had sex together, we started to read this book together. And each chapter is designed to ask each other questions, not just to build deeper intimacy, but to determine true compatibility with one another. When a guy is willing to make that kind of effort and even if it doesn't work out, boy, have you learned some really good communication skills with one another? I'm gonna repeat that, some really good communication skills with one another to actually apply that for him and for you into future relationships. So you can actually start making better effort instead of what outfit to wear on a date. I mean, most dating is so fucking surface this day. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? Hope you had a good day. Hope you have a blessed day. Everything is about how good your day is instead of getting into the deeper heart-centered aspects of the relationship that cause for those roots of trust to be built during those first 100 hours of face-to-face time. And as I said before, takes about 100 hours of face-to-face time just to build the first layers of trust with one another. And when you're intentional in the process, as I said in the beginning of this recording, when you're intentional, you have a greater chance for relationship success. Are you going to be more intentional in ladies? I know you love the fantasy that men should be in charge, okay? Here's the thing. Men aren't good at it. Most men are winging it because they seek companionship, connection and sex, but they're not really focused on the commitment piece. These guys are winging it and you're winging it too when you leave it up to a man. I'm here to suggest you are in charge of your relationship destiny and you are certainly better equipped to be in charge of the emotional aspects of the relationship. But Jonathan, I'm afraid if I speak my truth to a guy, I'll scare him away. Folks, if you're not familiar with my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? It's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. And chapter one says, Speak your truth, do it kindly. And why I'm sharing this with you folks is chapter nine is if it's sincere and from the heart, if you're coming from a heart-centered place with a man, you can't say the wrong thing to the right guy. Let me say that, you can't say that. And even if your ego comes out or fear comes out, if he's the right guy, you'll work through it. Stop being afraid to speak up. I just had a client reach out to me today. She's, they're getting ready for the third date for someone that she met. And she wanted my advice on a text. And she was like, as soon as I heard her text, I go, this was beautiful. And if he reacts negatively, he's just not your guy. Folks, it's time to make, going back to the original question about mutual effort. Start making effort from your heart, not from your expectations from your heart. And you'll have a greater chance of relationship success. Are you with me? Are you gonna do this? Please let me know by posting a comment, hitting like or saying amen. All right, great question there. Lily, thank you so much, giving you a big hug for that one. All right, let's go swimming. All right, Teresa says, why are men more vain than women? Why are men more vain than women? My experience is quite the opposite. I can't tell you how many Instagrams I've seen with it's nothing but selfie, selfie, selfie, selfie from women. And women do 10,000 times more selfies than men. I'm not convinced men are more vain than women. Women are incredibly, I mean, the internet is especially Instagram is almost every story or every share is women posting pictures of themselves and selfies in the bathrooms and all that kind of stuff. So I'm not convinced. And I think that's a form of vanity. Men certainly can become vain. There's certainly narcissistic men who find their own image of beautiful type of thing. Although it's nice to look at yourself and be attracted. I mean, feeling that you love yourself. Oops, that's my cup says love yourself, love yourself. But I don't believe men are more vain than women. I mean, and let's, if we can argumentatively or not argument, we could say that it's equal. But what's the real point of knowing about this? What does it matter about vanity? I once dated a woman who could not walk past a mirror without looking at herself going, ah, I'm so beautiful. I mean, I seriously dated someone like that. It was a short lived relationship. I think, I'll have to ponder this one as far as vanity. That one I'm gonna have to think about a little bit more if there really are more vain men. But there's certainly men that are into their bodies that show it off. There's certainly those types of men. They show off their cars or their worth. Now men do show off in those areas because they're trying to impress. That's the peacock trying to get a woman's attention. So I could see from that perspective, it might seem like vanity, but it's also coming from a place of insecurity. And by the way, the women who act vain come from a place of insecurity. What's most important is, why does it matter to you? That's what I'd like you to ponder, Teresa. Why does that matter to you? And are you with someone like that? And if you are, how are you going to address it? And that's something we're coaching might help you on that one. So Teresa, thank you so much for that one. I appreciate it. All right, let's go swim in. Let's see. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Again, it's easier for me if I see the word question to find your questions or purchase a super sticker, super chat. Karen said, amen earlier. Kim said, amen earlier. Thank you so much. Karen says, I like listening to your advice. Thank you so much. True says, every girl needs a father like you. I grew up without one. One died at my third birthday. I feel like everyone, I'm not your father. I'm your big brother. And if I could be there on a first date with the shotgun pointed at the guy's face saying, what's your intentions with my sister? That's what I'd like. This is what I do teaching this for you. How to determine a man's true intention sooner rather than later. So you don't give your heart to the wrong person. And it's going to require doing some things that go beyond the stupid book, the rules where you just play hard to get and play games because that temporarily works for getting the wrong guy. And then you're stuck with the wrong guy for five, 10, 15, 20 years going, ah, I'm pulling my hair out. And by the way, there are great men out there. There are great men out there. A lot of times we have to focus on getting out of our own way to see the real humanity in someone. I want to share a story. I did the Hoffman process some years ago. And in the Hoffman process, there was 20 men and 19 women. And we're not allowed to share what we do for a living until a second last day. And when I shared publicly, I'm a dating relationship coach. All the women were surrounding me at the jacuzzi that evening after we finished our work together. And one woman came up to me and she said, Jonathan, when I came here and I saw all the guys here, I was attracted to two men. You, and there was this guy that looked like the Marlboro guy. I mean, rugged, handsome, chiseled face. I mean, he was, and I wanted to have sex with him. He was actually gorgeous. And she said to me, she goes, after I spent a week with all these heart centered guys, she goes, I date every man here. Folks, the real challenge today is that we're not actually connecting with people's heart, not from a genuine intimate level. This is why I highly recommend purchasing this book, Talking to Strangers, Talking to Strangers, that subtitle is called, What We Should Know About the People We Don't Know. Folks, these days we're meeting total strangers. We're meeting total strangers and the challenge is when you're meeting total strangers, we don't know enough about them. And like, by the way, one week of deep intense therapy with this group, we got to know each other at a more heart centered level instead of the surface level in which she admits, she viewed me and this other man from the surface level of attraction and not what's underneath the skin. And that's why again, we have to learn to think of everyone as strangers, not from that danger, danger, danger perspective, but from the perspective of it takes time to build trust with one another. And men don't have this comprehension. Most men folk, most men's dating advice is centered around how to build confidence to meet women. That's where most male dating advice is centered. It's not how to build a healthy, happy relationship with someone. This is why I don't care who you are. I believe once you'd go down the relationship path and you're thinking about a future with someone, then I think start therapy sooner rather than later so you can learn the skills to communicate more effectively because the reality is, is most of us have weak relationship skills at best. It's taken me a decade and a half to learn what I'm sharing with you. So I invite you to do this work sooner rather than later so you don't end up the miserable person like many people are. And there are a lot of people who are coupled together that are miserable with one another. And my hope is for everyone that you have a juicy, delicious, happy relationship by focusing on your own self worth, self confidence, self esteem, instead of leaving it up to the man because these days, ladies, many of you and men as well are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to like me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to want me so I can feel good about myself. Most people are suckling on that nipple, men and women alike. And when you can love yourself enough to where you don't need it, you can then give your heart to another person and they can give their heart to you. Are you with me? Can I get an amen? Yes. All right. We're gonna take a couple more questions before we wrap up today. All right, where are we? UMH says, question, I think vein women and men suffer from poor self esteem and poor trembling image. That is probably true. Thank you so much. Chloe says, or I think it's Chloe. Why my date of five weeks, okay, why my date of five weeks dating got very cold and distant after physical touches in Thanksgiving day. What should I do? He's not communicating with me as he used to, very silent. So I would reach out with the following. Hey, Tim, I've noticed I sense you're feeling distant since we've been together Thanksgiving. I'm just checking in with you because I thought we were exploring a relationship together. Is this something you wanna do or not? Just let me know. No pressure. Folks, it's time to get, you know what? It's like, look it, stop giving guys a break. Just call the motherfucker up and say, where the fuck are you on this process? Okay, because if you're not going to invest anymore, I don't wanna invest in you anymore. And I don't like being on a holding pattern. But Jonathan, every female energy coach tells me to lean back in my feminine because then he'll create enough tension where he'll want me back. No, he's already pulled away. Cut to the chase, cut to the quick. Get closure and move on from the guy. And by the way, a man who genuinely wants you, unless he has chaos going on in his life, he's not gonna pull away. So cut to the quick, reach out to him and then see what happens. At least that's my invitation for you. All right, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Love it. Yes, LOL, hold them accountable. It's self-respect. Denise says, got it right there. Rebecca says, claim your power, claim your personal power. Where's my notes? What did I do with that note? Oh shoot, must have put it away. I was just gonna share with you. Women have a propensity of giving their power away to men. I don't understand it, but you seem to do that. All right, let's see what else we have. Chloe says, thank you so much. I appreciate that. Thank you so much. Envy says, that's exactly why they are MF motherfuckers. There we go. Karen says, gives me a lot of smiley faces. All right, let's see what other questions we have. Let's see. Bum bum. Let's go swimming. Let's go swimming. Let's go swimming. You know what, folks? I think this would be a good place to wrap up today. Listen, it's not easy out there. There's no doubt about it. It is a mess. It's very difficult and there's no doubt about it. And yet people are meeting and falling in love all the time. I will tell you, it's a small percentage. It's a lot more frustration out there than there is happiness. I'm gonna be blunt. There's a lot of people that are throwing darts up against the wall, hoping for magic fairy dust to help them attract a great partner. It starts by becoming a great partner within yourself, finding that self love, self esteem, self confidence, doing the inner work, doing the therapy, doing the personal development, self help and spiritual work. So you can actually start showing up in a more positive progressive way. And ultimately, one of the most important skills to learn is conflict resolution skills because every relationship is gonna have conflict. You're gonna get triggered by childhood wounds that's gonna make you pull away. He's gonna get triggered by childhood wounds. It's gonna make you pull away. This is why I'd like to impart one final thought on you before we're gonna wrap up today. And that is, I want you to check out the book by Gary Zukoff called Spiritual Partnership. Spiritual Partnership. And why I'm recommending this book today is I'd like you to think of a relationship as a co-creative process. Not the expectation the man lead, but the both of you investing in one another to get to know one another and start to become intentional. Just like I said in the very first few minutes of this recording, be intentional with one another. Because when you're intentional, and what I mean by intentional is you're being upfront, stop this pussy footing around and just say, this is, look it, you can start out, you can use my example when I say a standard. I'm gonna start with my standard. My standard is I'm seeking a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork building skills both in our personal and professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either living together or getting married. Start with your standard right upfront, whatever that is for you. That's being intentional and see how he shows up in that capacity, does he want the same as you? And then watch his actions and also be a contributor to this process because you'll have a greater chance of success when you approach the process with some intentionality instead of the leaning back and playing games and playing hard to get bullshit that again, temporarily works for the guys who wanna get laid but it's not gonna work for the emotionally healthy men who genuinely seek a relationship and an emotionally healthy guy appreciates that you introduced these books I'm recommending. He appreciates it because these are great guides to how to build a relationship together. Are you with me? Will you do this? Give me an amen if you say yes. All right, if you found value in this broadcast today, please purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat before we wrap up today or check out the link in the description to a discovery call with me or check out my membership group called Midlife Love Mastery or if you wanna reach out to me personally, check out my Instagram page as well. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up today and I did hope you found value so please give me a thumbs up. I'm gonna wrap up as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Teresa and Rebecca and Yamath and Karen and Envy and Sherry and everyone else, all my regulars, big hugs to you and thank you so much, wishing you a fantastic weekend. All right, thanks everyone, bye now.