 So how can you tell if a guy is really serious about you? Well, today we're gonna talk about some three strong, three strong signs that he's serious about you. I don't want you to miss out on this. I wanna kind of dive into the idea of what is serious all about? What does that mean? I think if you're like me and you have a long term mating strategy and you desire a life partner, then what you're seeking in relationship is something we call serious, right? Now, I bring this to your attention because a lot of human beings have a short term mating strategy or they only desire a casual relationship. And casual relationship might include monogamy and might include exclusivity but there's no real destination to the relationship. Now, why is this so critically important to talk about the destination? Because what's the purpose of dating? What's the purpose of getting to know someone? If your purpose is just to have a short-lived experience, it's a whole different energy than someone who wants to go at it from a long-term perspective. And I think serious has some really critical components to it and I'm gonna talk about that in a moment. Now, I wanna share with you, many of you know I subscribe to the philosophy that the best way to get to know someone is to live with them, right? To live with them. Now, that's a big commitment, right? That's pretty serious when you live with someone and not everybody has that capacity to live with someone. But I'm not sure if you're familiar with, I can't believe, I can't remember now if it was on Netflix or Amazon Prime. There was a show called The Third Longest Date, The Third Longest Date. And it's about a couple, I believe they're in New York that had a first date. I think it was cocktails or something like that. They had a second date. And on the third date, they decided to do a trip. They decided to travel to Mexico or South America, was it Central America? I believe. Please forgive me, it'd been a while since I watched it. And so coming back to the idea, you really get to know someone through a trip, okay? Through a vacation. And in this particular case, this couple went to, as I said, I think it was Guatemala or something like that. And it was right before the lockdown of COVID, right before the lockdown of COVID. I mean, they left right before the lockdown and literally while they were on their vacation, the world had stopped in its tracks, so to speak. And they were together with each other for I believe it was two or three months, three or four months, something like that, a significant amount of time. And they had to navigate life together. They really got to know each other in this context of are they really compatible with one another? Now, why am I bringing this up? You know, coming back to what's the purpose of dating? Like what's the real purpose of it? It's not about let's just have a good time and get physically intimate with one another. It's a vetting process to decide if you wanna be in a long-term relationship with another human being. You see, we've mostly have been indoctrinated to believe that chemistry equals relationship success. So when two people have chemistry, they will naturally work out. And many of you know, if you follow my channel, that's the furthest thing from the truth. You know, besides chemistry and attraction, it's important to share the same values. It's important to have lifestyles that are blendable with one another. And most importantly, does this human being have the emotional maturity to lean into the difficult times? And certainly the conflicts couples might have, do they have the emotional maturity to navigate this? Do they even have emotional maturity to navigate their own emotions? So coming back to this couple, they had to navigate a lot of different experiences to see if they worked well together. And while I'm not suggesting you go on a trip for five months with someone or necessarily live with someone, I just wanna draw it to your attention that it's important to pay attention to the signs in our conventional way of dating, our conventional way of dating. Excuse my slurping, my coffee mug says, I make the world go around, what do you do? At first I thought this was a narcissistic mug, but I just realized coffee makes the world go around or at least in my world it does at least a couple cups a day. All right, so coming back to this, see midlife dating, for those of us in midlife, it requires a different way to approach the process because many of us come to the table with fully curated lives. This is why paying attention to things outside of chemistry, paying attention to the values and more importantly, paying attention to whether or not our lives can blend together is critically important for the success of a relationship. See, coming back to dating is a vetting process. You know, I think these days sometimes dating is strictly a way to hooking up. I think many people who use our devices, you know, the swipe apps that are swiping towards one another or with each other, excuse me. A lot of times that's for circumstances of hooking up. In addition, we have a significant percentage of the population that's suffering on the inside in some way, shape or form. I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable and I'm not likable and they're lonely. We have a significant population, at least here in the United States that feels rather lonely and they use their devices to connect with other human beings for short lived cyber connections, not intentionally. I've oftentimes correlated it to the experience of using other people as your therapist because there are a lot of people are hurting. This is why I wrote my book, What the Heck Is Self-Love? Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Alpha and Spiritual Work. There's a link below to get a copy of my book. By the way, I only brag about it. I just got a call from, I'm working with a new client. She said that the book is very simplistic but helped her on a path of choosing to do things differently and that's all I'm inviting you to do and it has nothing to do with dating and relationships. However, if we are seeking relationship from an empty love cup, we might miss all the clues and the strong signs. In fact, we might go down the wrong rabbit hole with the wrong signs if we're not coming from a full place within us. So coming back to, is he serious about you? I think it's important to recognize that chemistry is so confusing and then within chemistry, we can have this experience called attachment. And if you're not familiar with the work, I want you to check out a book. I haven't talked about it much called Wired for Dating. Wired for Dating, okay? This is the companion book. It's called Wired for Love by Dr. Stan Tatkin but Wired for Dating. I want everyone to read this book. It says how to understand the neurobiologic biology and attachment style can help you find your ideal mate. See, oftentimes we confuse chemistry and attachment style for love and we miss the important signs that happened very early on in the dating process. So what's a sign that it's not gonna work out? Well, after meeting you and after this intense short experience of connection, he begins to become flaky. You know, I mean, as obvious as that is when someone starts to get flaky, when they start to cancel, they make up excuses. By the way, the biggest excuse men make in the dating realm and women do this as well is they use their professional capacity as their excuse. I'm really busy with work. I've got a lot going on at work, okay? Busy or it could be I'm busy with family. I'm busy with this. It's always about busy. You know, it's interesting. People say I didn't have time to call or text you. Do you know my phone, I butt dial or I butt text by accident people at least once a day. I mean, if I have the time to do with my butt, I have the time to do with my fingers and I'm being a little tongue in cheek here. We all have the capacity to check in with someone. Nobody's life is so effing busy. I mean, guys, I'm gonna speak to the men out there. I go to the toilet, you know? I spend quite a few minutes there. It's a lot of time with your phone that you could at least message someone. Is that romantic? I will decide later, but you cannot say you don't have time. We all have time to go to the bathroom and within the time it takes to go to the bathroom you can connect with another human being. But if a guy is flaky, that means he's just not that into you. The other type of guy that you have to be on the lookout for is a guy whose life is in chaos. He's going through a contentious divorce. He's got a contentious ex in his life. He's got chaos going on in his professional life. Maybe as chaos going on in his emotional well-being or his physical well-being, his life is in chaos. And when someone's life is in chaos, they don't have a strong foundation underneath them to support a healthy, happy relationship. Many of you know I lost a child. My son Connor passed away. There's a picture of him right there. During that time, my life was in a bit of chaos. I didn't want to work. I didn't want to deal with people. I dated, but from an unhealthy place and I kept saying I was in a good place. I kept saying it to people, but it was really obvious to all those around me. I wasn't in a very good place for a period of time. Now that's not to say we don't all have emotional stuff going on in our life, but if someone's life is in chaos and ladies, you have this capacity to be so nurturing, so loving, so giving, and so caring that you might find yourself attached to someone. By the way, come back to the book Attached by Amir Levine, Rachel Heller. By the way, all the books I recommend are listed below. You know, you might get attached to a person who's not capable of being in a relationship, but it's already, the hook has been set. Mm, the hook has been set. Now the other thing that it's important to recognize, I think this is, by the way, if you follow my channel, it's important to really understand that most human beings have childhood wounds or adult traumas that have gone unhealed. We all have it. Some have stronger wounds and traumas than others, but we all have it. And many cases, the reason why relationships don't work out is because they haven't healed their past. They haven't healed their past relationship. You know, they're still, they're searching, you know, unfortunately, we humans gravitate to other humans because it's easier to get love from someone else instead of filling up our own love cup and healing those places that cause us to have negative patterns and limiting beliefs in our lives. So I'm just drawing attention to the importance of doing inner work. And if you haven't read the book, The Hoffman Process, I highly recommend checking it out. The link's below. I highly recommend checking this out. Read The Hoffman Process so you can get an understanding of your own stuff and then you can pay attention to whether or not this person you are beginning to date has the capacity to lean into a healthy, happy relationship. It's where my work comes in. There's a link to schedule a discovery call with me. There's a link below to get to schedule a call with me. My whole area of help is in the area of discernment, how to be more discerning because we are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality. So let's bring it back to, is he serious about you? Well, coming back to this show, the longest third date ever, if you've watched it, please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts on it. I thought it was a great illustration of how couples work together, how they build a relationship together. Sometimes it is through stress that two people can build a life together. It's not all rainbows and unicorns and pink elephants, okay? It's through the stressors that we can build a relationship with someone. That's why traveling together or living together really kind of encapsulates whether or not two people can work together. But we have to get to that point. So what are some of the signs, the three strong signs he's serious about you? I think the first and most important one is he makes you a priority in his life. Folks, I said this before, I'll say it again, okay? Most of us have children, okay? And we would all say that our children are priority, okay? We all have a professional life within us. We could all say that our professional life is a priority. We all have family and friends. We can say that they are our priority. We can use our physical aspects of our lives. They are all a priority, okay? See, to me, I don't like the word priority. That's why what I'm about to share is this strong sign is that I said they make you a priority, but what I'm really talking about is they make you an important part of your life. And so at times you're, so you've got your children as an example. They're your priority, priority, priority. But if you don't make this person in your life is equally as important to those other things your life, because situationally, you're gonna make certain things a priority because they're important to you. So coming back to this, not only do they make you a priority, they make you a priority because you are important to them in your life. They've established that. See, to me, when two people are physically intimate together, excuse that. You know, I think you have every right to be important to someone else in their life. You should have the status of being a priority when it needs to be a priority. But if somebody else is constantly putting other things above you, then it's saying you're not that important. And a person that's serious about you puts you commensurate to all their other priorities in their lives because you are important to them. That's a great sign. Is that sinking in? Is that resonating? Please let me know. Hit that like button right now. I think another great sign is he actively tries to help you in your life. He actively tries to help you in your life. I know a dear friend of mine while he's in a relationship with someone, but while they were in the early stage of dating, I believe she was getting her, I think she's getting her masters. And he happened to have a connection at the school that she wanted to go to. He had a strong connection with the dean there. So they're in the early stage of dating and he wrote his friend to help her in her life. And I'm just using one of many examples, but they actively try to help you in your life through their own expertise, through their own experiences. They're actively trying to help you in your life. Now I don't mean to enable you because that's not healthy. And I don't mean to control you in your life. They are actually a teammate. They operate just like that couple. They're in this troublesome situation. They were helping each other in their lives because I also believe that they had a laptop lifestyle so they were both working and they found ways to help one another in their professional capacities. That's a good, strong sign. He's serious about you. And last but not least, for those that aren't stuck on some South American or Latin country, excuse me, they actually try to integrate you into their lives. They're actually inviting you to be a part of their lives, whether it's introducing you to family and friends, whether it's taking you to a work function, whether it's introducing you to your friends at the yacht club, whether it's taking you out to play golf, they're integrating you into their lives, through their family, their friends, their professional capacity, their hobbies. They want you to, that's a great, strong sign. Now does this guarantee relationship success? By heck no, no, it does, none of this guarantees relationship success. It's just I want you to pay attention. After this limerence or lust period we talked about in the beginning. By the way, within 90 days, a guy knows whether or not he wants you in his life and broken people might want you in their life because they're broken. And as I said earlier, you're filling a void, you're filling a need, you're filling a missing part of them that they can't find within themselves. This is why so many people find themselves in relationships that are based on their mutual traumas. They bonded together in this space. They're in casual relationships because they're not seeking something long-term because they have a short-term mating strategy, as I said in the beginning versus a long-term mating strategy. So I'm encouraging everyone to be very crystal clear and declare for themselves right now. Do you want a serious relationship? Do you have a long-term mating strategy or do you have a short-term mating strategy? And if you have a long-term mating strategy then declare right now, I want a serious relationship that leads to either moving in together or getting married and make that your standard and only date people who also have that same standard. You can invite them to answer this question. What does commitment look like for you? And when they answer that, you'll get a sense is this person serious? And then you have to look for the signs to see if he's actually integrating you into his life, if he makes you a priority and if he helps you in the capacities we talked about. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. Please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. Also, if you're part of my group called Midlife Love Mastery, send folks to my website, jonathanazley.com. Oh, by the way, really quickly, this is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis through a once a month call and a Facebook group. Send them to my website, jonathanazley.com. Have them click the group coaching button so they can join our fantastic group. And I'm gonna sign off this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Barak of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now. Bye-bye. Bye.