 Anyway, Mr. Cornwood. How are you doing sir? I'm doing good today. I'm pretty damn good Fantastic. Well, let's start with the first question. Do you know what position you are? You are interviewing for here today the sheriff position here at the BCSL Wonderful, and you understand that we are interviewing you correct Hold on. You sure about that? That's not what I got my damn notes here Down there. I thought I was conducting the interview No, no, no sir. We're interviewing you for the open sheriff position here at the Lane County Sheriff's Office Yeah, well that throws me off a little bit. I wasn't expecting that This was American Idol and I'm following up doll No, that's not what I said, ma'am I thought I was doing the interview in here. Anyway, what are what are all y'all's weaknesses? I Care too much. Oh Here, okay, I don't take time for myself because I'm working so much Mandy Previous management history or previous experience Yeah, yeah, hell, yeah, I was spent 20 years a sheriff over in Rust Island Share for the best damn well-policed island here in this side of Mississippi. Hell, that's out of Mississippi too whole damn world Yeah, I heard about that place Francis was over there for a little bit said he had a really good sheriff real good a good guy Okay describe some of your Your role or what you did as a sheriff on Rust Island. Well, I Why did damn near everything? I wrote the law. I'm forced to law. Okay, someone did something wrong. I took care of it Someone didn't do something wrong. I found a reason why they did something wrong. Okay. We made a new law for it. Oh Did you give an example? Give an example. Yeah, the latter. Uh-huh. So, uh, let's think of a time So over on over on the island, they were building some new developments over on rust Vegas Our new development called rust Vegas. So what do we do? We went ahead and set a law and stanchiated a law where everybody had to Pay a fee to be able to build over in rust Vegas That fee did not exist. However, that's something that I did in order for the police department to be able to raise funds To be honest, I didn't even file. I didn't even file the damn Requests for for any land ownership, whatever. I didn't give them no D. I just said, okay. Thanks. Here you go Yeah, you know actually now that I think about it, they could easily just done it without asking me But hey, I made out like a bandit and that's all the matters I want you to make eye contact with me Make eye contact with me. Okay. All right. I want you to spell sheriff for me Spell sheriff. Yes The word or the location the word Okay salami hot dog enchilada wrasse ice cream Fajita Fajita Yeah Yeah, good job. Good job There is a unique You can spell well, let me ask you a question so say You're a flavor ice cream. What would you be and why I don't know I'd be your favorite so you can eat my ass Okay, well, I appreciate the offer cells a but I ain't interested. Okay. That was a good answer Well, what sort of what sort of flavored ice cream would you be and why? Probably vanilla to be honest with you Why is that? Well, I'd get vanilla but I'd change it up a little bit, you know, I'm not throwing a few sprinkles here and there and I The fuck do you do that if you're the ice cream? You're gonna do a fucking shot. Yeah Here's the thing vanilla goes with everything you can't go wrong with vanilla. All right So hell just like me I can fit myself into any damn situation there is good bad ugly indifferent It's cool. What flavor ice cream would I be? Probably chocolate Why is that? Well chocolate and vanilla go so good together It's like a damn like a damn swirl twist-ass cream and I think you are gonna be a damn good officer someday Andrews I think you learned a lot from me so far That's a hundred percent just a core of it Hey, did you have something Nancy? Why do you think about pistachio ice cream pistachio? Yeah, pistachio ain't Ice cream though pistachio ice cream, but we've been nuts and you're damn ice cream. What the hell is that? You ever have pistachio? That sounds like a damn commie ice cream. What the hell is that? Yeah, the only thing worse. I'll tell you I'll be just a commie Okay, I'll be honest. You know the only thing that's worse than damn commie ice cream is damn That Napoleon ice cream with chocolate vanilla and strawberry You know what they do that damn well, we won the damn Louisiana Purchase why the hell we got a damn ice cream named after him Let's say you you're rolling with bass, right? You're in the passenger seat bass is driving Kind of driving a little bit recklessly. Uh-huh. Maybe maybe doing a hundred miles an hour down to Spoochie He tries to make a northbound turn on to Let's say Ella. Oh, I thought you said reckless Yeah, yeah, recklessly a hundred miles In the city limits. Yeah, that's That's debatable anyway tries to make a turn he takes out a fire hydrant and Ken sama that's standing on the corner. Uh-huh. All right Shatter his pelvis break his kneecaps Bend a rib Okay, right just the three of you guys that Know about this and he's talking about suing the department hold up now. What happened the damn car The car is this it's got his blood on it and a dent from the fire extinguisher. Oh, that's it Yes, pretty damaged but anyway, what would you do with that situation? Well, three of us know myself bass and Ken, right? Mm-hmm. What's Ken what's Ken gonna do? I'm sorry my suit in the department for millions well I'll be honest with you. It's a whole hell of a lot easier to deal with two people knowing something three people. I'll be honest Okay, I mean but what would you try to cover for bass would you? Well, I can't can't be going up against the Officer of the law like bass, right? So It's like we got to get rid of Ken If you could choose one song to play every time you walked into a room for the rest of your life What song would you choose and why and then after you answer those questions? I'm gonna get you to exit the room and come in singing your song One song for the rest of my life Mm-hmm, it's cool. Yes. Okay. Well Gotta let him know let him know what That's the song let him know Come in singing it. Yep by the long way corn boys the long way corn boy, uh-huh Why would you choose that song? It's a damn good song. They wrote about me over on the island I'm sorry you have a song for yourself already. Uh-huh. All right Let me hear you have to walk out and come in singing the song Yep Oh Seeing that you have sheriff experience and management experience I'm sure rest Vegas or rest island is extremely different than Los Santos is there any laws or Regulations for the police department over there that you would like to bring into Los Santos Well, yeah, this place got a whole hell of a lot more laws than what we had over there Hey, I'll be honest. We're we're handcuffed as hell. We're supposed to be handcuffed in the damn criminals We're handcuffing ourselves. That's the damn problem here. We're going out there a little bit. Yeah, I'd love to you Listen every damn criminal here for some reason thinks there's some kind of lawyer and they can do whatever the hell They won't okay We don't got no authorization to to fire one would need to the damn every single damn bank robbery. They get away, okay? Not only that they're all doing all kinds of illegal drugs doing all kinds of whatever the hell and we can't do nothing about it Okay, and hell I'll tell you where the problem starts the problem starts in the fact that We ain't got no damn police tractor That's the real damn problem that we got we needed to order damn police tractors just vehicles of Large stature and speed. Okay, people think tractors are slow. We got some damn fast police track You're gonna damn near 100 miles an hour with that kind of size. You got some momentum going in Okay, you think you see the pit maneuver you ain't see the pit maneuver yet Not so you seem to go like a police tractor Hey, not only that people doing these damn these damn vaccines for the damn Corona whatever the hell I thought Corona was a damn drink and they're putting microchips in the damn fluid Damn government's checking out on you So now what we got a we got to get these damn microchip vaccines here in the here in the department That's some bullshit because then then hell, you know, what's gonna happen them criminals are gonna be able to keep track of us You he makes complete sense. What do you think? Perfect sense, huh? What do you believe a vaccine is? Do you hear that? Who's that? What? Um, hold on Just squeezing itself between chairs Very secure everything. Sorry. I thought they were I thought they were here. I thought they were back. What were we talking about? So you tell me why did you apply for this job? Oh You Andrews Mr.. Cornwood you you applied for the sheriff position, huh? You you're being interviewed by us. Oh, right, okay Let me ask you a question. You have like Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire to your life. No, that's not That's not a good one. Oh, we will have a Harry Potter in the Deathly hollows to your left and then to your right you have the Communist man Can I can only burn one you can only burn one can I can I switch your question up a little bit? Yes, please. Okay. I feel like he doesn't know he's a communist You have a you have an article. Hold on Andrew. I'm sorry Listen, hey, man, you listen to me, man. You listen to me, man Mr.. Cornwood Sunday You do not bring them comic demons out on me, okay? What the hell are you talking about? I don't say that you have a you have an article You have a very good article written on World of Warcraft paladins on your left and then you have the Communist Manifesto on your your right Are you gonna burn? Your left or my left, I'm sorry your left or my left. What do you mean? Where is it on the World of Warcraft the World of Warcraft Paladin article is on your left. Oh Communist Manifesto is on your right, huh? Which one are we burning? Well, I don't know what that is But I do know that's some damn evil. That's a daddy. That's some damn evil What I could tell you the paladins are just as much communist too Listen, yeah, you are got any more questions starting preferably not about well the fucking board Here I'm gonna be honest. Okay. I think that this right here. This could be either I Mean this is some damn evil. This could be even more evil. That's what I don't know So I mean hell this is getting kind of hard Yeah, I don't know why you're asking questions about something, you know most people don't know about here's what I'm gonna burn Okay, none of us are those people I'm gonna burn the damn comic book That's what I'm gonna do and then I'm gonna go here and I'll probably confiscate this one You know just from my own research finding out the the evil ways. Okay, that way we can combat it. That's what I would do. I Don't have any any other questions. So I don't know if you guys have more for the the combo Yes, have you ever fucked on this couch right behind you or would you be interested? Does the part that you can fuck so say for the position so Are you interested? Well, I mean, I'll be honest. Yeah, I appreciate the offer, but I don't I don't necessarily You know, I Can wear a wig and say my name Shelley if that helps. No, if you said that I might I might Trust me, you don't want to say that. Okay, shoot you. Yeah, you might shoot your ass We say that Listen, I appreciate the offer man. I understand it's it's Listen, I understand Here's here's what I gotta say Okay, all I gotta say I understand It's it's it's a different day and age than from how I grew up. It's you know 2008 all this kind of stuff I get it Obama's president things have changed. That's that's all I'm saying But I just personally ain't interested Okay What I say If if Hollywood made a movie about your life, would you like to see play the lead role as you? Eddie Murphy that's one I think you could do it in a nice suit. I actually think you could pull it off quite well I'm not sure if that's okay in 2008 though guys because I Know it's Okay Betty Murphy's doing it. Yeah, is it okay? Oh, yeah Okay, okay fantastic Yeah, uh Murphy one hell I got three actually I just thought of another one to number number two Chuck Norris. Oh, yeah, I think I think you could definitely pull it off just for the Slight and then just wear two extra t-shirts. That's all just to give you a bit more Pop, you know what I mean and last but not least George W. Bush the second most American man after me I ain't no She kissed me one time and she took my heart Baby, you can love me. You can leave me. I'm on Yeah, I'm a honky-tonk stuff