 Hey, what's up dudes and dudettes drew here at the anxious truth and we have another anxiety success story Coming tonight, and it is my friend Joyce from California who I am so excited to have here Joyce. What's up? What's up, Drew? What up? Thank you for taking the time. I really appreciate it. Everybody loves a good success story And you are definitely one of those Absolutely. Yeah, so you were like you you reached out not too long ago a couple of months ago And you were kind of, uh, you know excited to do this one. It was almost it could seem like it was a goal Like I'm gonna be the next one of those and here you are. That's what it was. Yep. Yeah. Yeah, I dig it for it Yeah, yeah, here you are and it's and it's awesome and I appreciate that you're doing it and like it helps a bunch of people So I guess let's get into it. So you're on the west coast, right? Yes, sir. Brandy day here today in california Yeah, yeah, we had nothing and it's dry. It's cold, but you know, that's the way it goes It's day four christmas. It's supposed to be cold. Yeah Anyway, so let's get into it. Let's talk about what your particular problem problem was you were I mean, we know each other because you you know, you found the podcast We're in the facebook group together and you're actually one of the admins in the group Which I thank you so much for taking your time Of course. Yeah, so helpful and um, you were in that panic disorder thing panic disorder or gorophobia What was the actual manifestation? What was your anxiety issue for sure? Um, I had a brain surgery in november 2018 um, the surgery went well a couple days later and not so well um, pretty much had stroke system um symptoms and I got the blurry eyes the numb face all that good stuff So I thought I was having a stroke and I ended up having my first panic attack over that Okay And so you started with some actual health problems that sort of led to all this Yeah, and it was nothing really due to the health problems. It was Me kind of freaking myself out about What happened after that? I guess uh, it was totally normal to get, uh A migraine, but we weren't warned about it. Oh, okay So the migraine happened zigzags in the eyes Uh Face went numb left side went numb. So I thought okay. This is from the surgery. Yeah, right Yeah Almost to be expected that that we could could happen to you after the surgery and nobody told you Nobody warned us. No, excellent. Good job. Yeah Wow All right, so obviously that would be terrifying and so you go into panic And this is really good because I actually didn't know that entire story I knew there was some health issue in the background, but I didn't know that exact story. So this is actually really good Yeah, so you I had a brain coiling done on an aneurysm I had in the brain. Okay Yeah, yeah, and it's a completely unrelated to the anxiety problem But Those those sensations were precipitated by the effects post surgery. Yes I just make make sure I'm getting it right. So this is really good though for people to hear So you you experience these sensations naturally. They're terrifying, of course, given right where you are having surgery And and you have a panic attack because obviously it's terrifying which anybody would understand So like purely, you know, super explainable like appropriate situational fear and panic for sure Yes, but what happened from there? then It went away Um that night A couple days later same thing happened. I freaked out again After that time we decided to call the neurologist and he explained. Hey, that's totally normal You know, don't worry about it. And I'm like, dude, how can I not worry about it? You know and so After he told me that um, it happened a couple more times And then about the fourth time I was just like, okay, he told me what this is I need to let it be it's going to go away and those stopped right away after the first four times After that particular set of symptoms. Yes. Yes Yeah So what was the progression from there? I mean, how long did it take? So where did you ultimately wind up in terms of anxiety? It was the impact in your life Oh, man One day I was at work Um, I felt something strange going on Before that I could tell the difference in myself, but I just was not sure what it is You know, I I didn't know what it was. I Didn't want to leave the house that much anymore. I wasn't feeling great all the time I couldn't see I went to the mall to go Christmas shopping last year had to leave the mall Um, couldn't look at my Christmas lights the lights from the house couldn't be on I mean things were definitely changing for me before that but I had no clue what was happening to me Didn't know what that was. No I'm getting it right. So the physical symptoms at least the the holdover for the surgery goes away, right team Quickly after four episodes or so Oh, yeah But the the symptom but the anxiety symptoms linger after that it sounds like am I getting that right? Yep, so you learn to kind of be afraid and be on guard like this thing is going to happen again And then it snowballs from there. So your fear was that this would happen again Right, even though the symptoms the actual physical post-surgery things went away But you were still nervous about how you were feeling it sounds like right and when I was at work I mean customers were asking all the time every day how I was You know, how was your surgery? How you feeling this this and that so it's like I could never get away from it Yeah, you know, it was always that question Being concerned and all that but absolutely in your face all the time. Yes. So subconsciously it was bothering me Right So how long a time was it where things you know those first four episodes and then things start to snowball Where you don't want to leave that house so much and you don't want the lights on and you're you're constantly scanning for how you're feeling and The surgery was November December. I could feel the change and then January 16th. I will never forget I was at work taking an order and somebody asked me how I was and I pretty much dropped my book. I left my job. I got my car I don't remember the right home And I came home and I laid down and I literally had such a bad panic attack and things from then on It was done for me So explain done like how did it I'm guessing the snowball starts rolling down the hill. Oh, yeah two days later I went to see my gp She gave me a prescription for Xanax and to calm me down some and then That was a Friday and the next day on Saturday I woke up and I looked in the mirror and I couldn't even look at myself. I was afraid of my own face Yeah, and so from Saturday to there I came out Excuse me. I told My other half. I said I don't know why but I'm afraid of everything And that day It was done I I did not leave my house for three months Oh, wow, but you recognize that I'm afraid of everything. You didn't know why though. Nope. No clue Right. No clue So, okay, obviously things get bad. You don't leave the house for three months. That's a big deal What starts to I mean, I mean let's talk for a few minutes about the impact on Just in general your life you relationship your family. I'm guessing there would be naturally they're earned seeing this happen to you and How long did you stay in that state? Do you think? Um Probably from January until I would say the end of March and I think I joined the group in March Maybe mid-March. Yeah, okay. Yeah That sounds about right. So we're about nine months or so since you sort of showed up. It sounds right And then so all right, so you're stuck in the house I'm guessing that anxiety panic is a daily occurrence at that point You know by your own admission you're afraid of everything you're experiencing all the things Right all the feelings that we all know yes So what starts to change? How did how do things start to change because I could the progress you made over this past summer? It started to become a parent over the summer. Oh, yeah And yeah and starting to make a huge change. So what was it? So for the first three months I pretty much sat on my couch. I had no safe place I didn't feel safe anywhere I sat in the corner of my couch And I waited for nine hours until somebody got home And I would just sit there all day no tv no phone No, nothing and when somebody came home They'd walk through the door and I would have a meltdown And I would just fall into their arms falling my eyes out saying how scared I was It's heartbreaking. Yeah, it was pretty bad So you had no distraction or anything you couldn't really tolerate it. No phone no tv No, nothing like that. I could not do nothing But sit in that corner and shake all day even if my it's ridiculous Because even if my dogs looked at me, you know, they say dogs know when something's going to happen Right. My dogs would look at me and I'd be like, what are you looking at? You know, I was like something's gonna happen to me today, you know, it was Ah It's amazing knowing you that I knowing the joints I know now Right. I can't even imagine that was that was you, which is amazing. I Like Can look back today and I don't even know who that person was It just seems like a dream to me, you know, it's It's unbelievable that that happened to me because I've always been very confident I've always been in control. I've been the one to take care of everybody So when I became that week I was very hard on myself You know, so Yeah, I think um Okay, so then things start to change you spend three months in this state You're sitting on the sofa all day long. You're kind of a mess. What what starts to be different? What what changes start to happen? well, I pretty much every day was begging for death and I would find myself on the floor Beating the crap out of my floor Or on my couch Or in my bed and I was just so mad and I just kept screaming. This is just so stupid I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be here. I begged for I mean, it's very emotional for me now That because that wasn't me at all Right, you know, and I I just didn't want to do it And I had nowhere to turn my family is very supportive But we still didn't understand what was going on, you know the depths of everything that was going on So I actually started with uh some other different videos, but I was like this is too much work for me I I want something That I can do now for myself You know, I was like if I'm not gonna die, I'm not gonna live like this either So I need to do something and then I uh Found your group and your videos and started watching them And then I tried to listen to Claire weeks, but I couldn't do it. She scared me. I don't know why That's interesting. Let's talk about that for just a second. What about you don't know what but you couldn't listen to her because I've heard a few people say that so I want to I want to explain that with you because you're saying it now What do you mean? She scared you did it just freak you out to hear her talk about the symptoms and things like that Yeah, it was like everything was gonna it was in my face now. I was Having to accept what was really going on And so I had to turn her off and actually what got me through it was yours and Paulie's videos on her book So I started listening to you guys and I felt much more comfortable Listening to you two go through every chapter than actually listening to the book itself Interesting. Okay. Well, I guess we weren't enumerating symptom after symptom and that sort of thing Right and you were kind of discussing it more and explaining what was going on You know more in depth. I think hers was More like doctor wise and I was afraid of doctors at that point. So you can understand. Sure, right, right Okay, so what's the what do you start to do differently? So you're listening to videos and and you know learning and what starts to happen. What do you start to do differently? I start to understand what's happening um everything I started studying what was happening to me um And then when I learned to just sit with it let it happen I started to do that, which of course, I was white knuckling at first Everybody guess Yeah, but um Even though I was white knuckling. I was like, okay. I'm still doing it I might not be learning anything, but I'm setting myself up For now for what I know I need to do So my very first step was actually taking A walk down my front porch And because I would not go down the front porch at all or out front at all And so my wife was at the bottom of the stairs, you know, and she was like just come to me Come on. Just come to me And I was a million miles away. Yes, and I was like I can't I can't do it and she's like, please just come I know you can So I did it I walked down the stairs And the next day I walked down the stairs again and I walked down them again And then to the end of my driveway and before you knew it within Probably less than two weeks. I was walking around my block Excellent now just to clarify for the people that are watching because this is this is your textbook When you're describing a textbook the first time you walk down those steps. That's that leap of faith I'm guessing you were terrified to do that, but you did it anyway. I was terrified, but You did do a video Of you and Holly and you guys were like you just have to do it. You have to jump You know if you're gonna get anywhere and at that point once I got down to her I was like, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna take the sleep of faith I made it tomorrow. I'm gonna do the same thing and I just got in like A really I was gung ho after that You know, that's what it took was that first time And then after walking the block I was like, okay, it's time to drive You know, and it was pretty funny because I looked like a grandma Because I would sit up and you know, the whole white knuckling thing again. Yeah, sure Yeah, but I did it. I went I went through where I live. I have a pretty big community here And I did that started out there then I started going about six miles outside of here And then the six miles became, you know further and further and further and Then I was driving an hour away So It was repetition Right repetition. So the first time you do something new it's scary and it's uncomfortable But you just repeat it and it becomes less scary and more comfortable and then you get bigger And then bigger and it's bigger, right? That's the process Well, everybody knows I call it torturing myself and I did a lot of torturing myself Don't you tell everybody that you're doing? Oh, yeah, torture Yeah, to a certain extent I could understand that and I mean, you're also very funny So I understand the way you your sense of humor But a lot of people look at it that way and that's sometimes what scares a lot of people about this process Like wait, I want you to make me feel better I don't I don't want to do these hard things But you you put your nose to the grindstone and like you got so determined Almost angry determined like your voice got in the crowd to me because you were I was very angry I call myself a bitter anxious person, you know, I I wasn't depressed or sad. I was very mad Yeah, and being very mad just pushed me harder and harder every single day I mean no time off when you say no time off. I took no time off Yeah, you know just recently when football season started I started taking Sunday off Well, I had gotten to the point where that no days off doesn't last forever. I mean you had gotten to the So so you do this work for over the course of a period of months So you started in the summer and football season starts, you know in the middle of september So you did a good, you know, you found the group in march april may june july august There's six months of that right before you got to the point was like, uh, I'm going to take a day off and like Hang out watch football Yeah, yeah, which is great. And so but and I'm guessing that you would have got to the point where you could live again Most of your daily life Because we all have that life It's in some zone whether you work a mile from home or 20 miles from home Like we all have a zone we live probably 80 percent of our life in many times And so you after after every time I did something it it does it feels better It gets easier and easier You know, I didn't have the anxiety every single day Every single minute anymore, you know, it it slowly went away each time and You get more comfortable with being uncomfortable And it I was uncomfortable for a while, but I got comfortable with being uncomfortable Yeah, and then that goes away when you become uncomfortable being uncomfortable Then the discomfort starts to vaporize Absolutely Yeah, yeah, hard for a lot of people to swallow that or or accept it or decide to do it But it worked for you, which is great. Well. Yeah, because you don't believe it You know, you believe This is never gonna end And that's just something else you have to practice, you know So you left your job like when the wheels fell off in January, right? Right, and I know recently like you you were working today. I don't wait for you to come home from work I did work today. Yeah. Yeah, that's what we call it right and so, you know You start taking some days off and you made some great progress back when football season started So it's about three months ago. What's happened for the past three months Oh, I do absolutely everything. I mean, there's nothing I don't do now I And I do even more now like I find myself Even if I fear something I'm gonna do it and it makes me want to do it even more to myself that I can do it Yeah, I'm I'm not afraid of anything anymore. You know what I mean? So, yeah, yeah, great feeling Of well, well, I'll tell you that later. But anyway, um I think what's cool is that and then recently you decided to go back to work. Yes, right? That was in the past month or so And it's only been like two weeks. I started a couple weeks ago. Yeah. Yeah, and there was still some apprehension I remember you weren't 100 sure about that. But how's that working out so far? Oh my gosh, it's awesome And I just love being around everybody again and I took a step down Um, so it's not as stressful and starting off You know, I already find myself trying to run the place and I'm I'm trying to you don't say And I'm trying to take a step back and not be like that anymore You know just to relax and chill and work and do my job and Not be in control anymore because I had a really big problem with being in control So, yeah So let me throw something out here because I think you could probably relate to this So many people just like they hope and pray to get the old you back Like I just want the old me back You got old the old Joyce. I don't want to say old Joyce because that's not right But you got the old Joyce back But now you just said something like well, I decided not to be exactly like that Step back be chill a little enjoy my life a little more So I often find that you get the old you and an augmented version like a better version of the old you Are you fine? Yes, absolutely Absolutely, I find myself I was very restricted at times before where I didn't Want to do certain things or I'd be like, oh my god. That's so stupid and I don't want to do it But now I want to do everything. I want to experience everything there is to experience So, yes, I'm a new improved me for sure new and improved old Joyce is back New improvements. It's great. Exactly. And my family says the same thing, you know, they're like Guy, you just want to do so much more and You know, I used to come home from work and just sit on my couch watch TV I'd be done because I'd be tired from work. But now I'm I'm ready to go all the time now for sure So now you found maybe a better balance between work and life and Don't kill yourself at a job and so you can enjoy the rest of life and that's sort of stuff Perfect. That's perfectly said right there. Yep. Love it. Love it. That's great Yeah, so Yeah, I mean you're like a textbook example of my friend like you really are it's you know And the fact that you give of your time to to help try and teach other people that it says a lot about you too So if you could give somebody a one bit of advice like what was the turning point for you? What what did it? Where did your I know where your spark came from you were clearly motivated much in the same way I am I was I was fed up and angry and that's it. I was I was like a juggernaut on a roll It was it wasn't going to stop But what was the biggest what's what one bit of advice could you give somebody? I think that made all the difference for you If there is even one sometimes it's a hard question. That is a really hard question What I can say is You feel like you are so lost, but you're really not you're still in there And you just seriously you need to be fed up You have got to be so sick and tired Of being stuck in your house Yeah, not being able to be around people Not being able to live the way you want to live You know, you just that's my biggest thing. I got so frustrated With the way I was and I wasn't going to do it anymore. You know, I was I was done I it it only took me this year and I understand people go through different things, but I couldn't do it anymore. That was it So Yeah, very good. Very good. Yeah. All right. Well, I I think we pretty much covered it and like I said, everybody loves a good success story And I don't know anyone better than yours. So this is really awesome. And like this is very cool. Very cool Yeah, there's so much good stuff in front of you and it's so exciting to see so I'm digging But I thank you for coming on and taking the time. I know you were busy today Super duty and um, I guess if anybody is you know what like if you're watching on youtube, you can always leave comments I'll relay them to you, you know, if you're in the group and you're seeing it Of course Joyce is in the group. So if you want to ask questions, I'm sure you should be happy to answer and I don't know. I guess that's it. Thank you very much my friend. Yeah, you bet. Thanks, Drew All right. Take care. Bye everybody. Bye