 But anyway, that's about it. I hope you enjoyed the video, and I hope to see you next- Ah, god damn it, I did the outro first again. You'd think after over a thousand videos, I'd finally, you know, get a bit better, but no, you'd be wrong. Anyway, hey there friends, how's it going? My name is Kevin, and today we're playing BitLife. Well, probably a lot of BitLives. Oof, okay. Well, what we're gonna be doing today, we're gonna be speedrunning as many lives as we can. That's a weird sentence. I'm not so much focused on the time, like, oh, two minutes, 36 seconds to kill someone. Again, weird sentence. We're gonna be more focused on trying to kill them off as early as possible in their life by just making the stupidest decisions we possibly can. Okay, the first one's name is Die Young, but don't worry, they're from Germany, so it's The Young. Die's life. Oh, vaccination. The first trial. Okay, bite her. Do not let me get vaccinated. God damn it, she did it anyway. I see my mom is gonna be an obstacle in this battle. Oh, I was like, yes, I did it, but no, it's the pet died. I'm suffering from depression, and I'm five years old. I can see why it was clearly my fault, my mother and father divorced. Mom has been trying to get the almond that I stuck in my nose out for 34 minutes, and I guess she just had enough. I have pneumonia, this is great news. What is up with my mom? She's had so many children, look at this. Like, I was literally playing as the seed last time, and I didn't get off to this good of a start. I have syphilis, and I can't afford treatment. Someone's making fun of me. Rumble with her. Rumble and tumble. I have pneumonia, I'm weakened. Let's bite, yeah, her face, that's our tooth. Bite her tooth, yes. I have anxiety, oh my God. This person is having such a rough life. They're depressed, they have a cold, they have pneumonia. They have anxiety. I am nine years old, and I'm about to commit a burglary. Hi, burglary, what is this? All right, fine. How the hell am I gonna get away with this? I got caught. That's a weird sentence. Oh my God, they're sick again. Headache and extreme sensitivity to light. Additionally, you have a bad fever. I'll make you feel better. Your concern goes up a lot, no surprise there. Hope it goes away. Your get-up-and-go has got up and went. God, this person's having a tough life. Hope it goes away. Pick out some eyewear, they look so pissed off. It's clear they're here for a bad time, not a long time. They want to go into nursing. I mean, they probably want to figure themselves out to actually heal themselves. No, you're going into dance. Their health is at 6%, and they are 18 years old. Oh God, my depression was cured. And so was my anxiety. I've had that since I was like four. I'm gonna rumble with my brother. Kill me, kill me. Okay, pound his throat, perfect. I damaged his spine. Wait, by giving him the Heimlich maneuver? You pounded your big brother. That sounded wrong, one second, hold on. You pounded your big brother, Martin's throat. Then you gave him the Heimlich maneuver, damaging his spine. So it's the Heimlich maneuver that actually hurt him. I guess it seemed like he was choking because he got punched in the throat. Let's attack him again. The relationship is empty, I wonder why. All right, roundhouse kick, his throat. The cops got called on me. I have no money, a public defender. Get me out of there, oh God. You know what, I'll just take a year in prison. That's not too bad. All right, Martin Young, I'm out of prison and I'm ready to rumble. Time to bite his neck. I'm really into vampire stuff now. He died from his injury. Attend his funeral, now skip the funeral. Did I just get away with that? Oh no, I did not get away with that. Well, I'm in extremely poor health now. The depression is kicked in, I'm 5% health and I'm in prison. Wait, a public defender got me, not guilty. What kind of magic did you pull? My teeth marks were on him. You know what, never mind, I'm happy to be free. My health is literally at zero, though. I'm gonna continue down this violent path and attack my other brother now. He died from his injuries. Jesus, and Dai Young is making sure everyone else dies young. Manslaughter, how is that manslaughter? Name a preyster named Nasty Lara. Keeps farting until everyone knew that it was you. Her name is Nasty. I mean, it's obviously her. Rumble with her. Oh, I got you on a damage that Dai Young is doing. You bump into a fellow prisoner named Fat Ranja who was busted for Grand Elvado. I don't know why, but I'm gonna lunge at her. Are you sure you want to attack Fat Ranja? Yes, we'll go for the throat again, elbow or throat. I got the damage. Dai Young should go into MMA. You came into Spire, you're going home with brain damage, kid. Oh, look at this lamb, attack her too. I missed and she attacked me with a brick. She shattered your forehead. How is it that lamb of all people fought back? I need to die soon, come on. My respect is fucking huge in prison. Everyone's terrified of me. Oh, look at all mosquito bites down here. I'm gonna attack her for her name alone. Yank her tooth. Yes, I killed someone. You delivered a right hook to cherry skull, then you pounded her in the six pack doing virtually no damage to her chisel stomach. She died from her injuries. Did she write her own little death blurb there? Or what, just bragging about a six pack in the middle of it? Why am I not getting in trouble for this? Another death, you punched Isabelle's jaw. She died from her injuries. Why are the guards not doing anything? I'm just continuing to attack people. This person's 73, bite her throat. She died from her injuries. Why is no one stopping me? I'm just going down the list. I wanna be the only person in here. Stanky's always not dead as well. Why is this one called the bike? She's in the prison for conspiracy. Attack the bike. Your prison sentence has been extended by two years. It's about time. I have nearly killed everyone in the prison. Look at this, there's five people left. Oh, I finally died. How there was two people left in the prison. How many people did she kill? Do I get to find that out? I don't think I do. Well, Dai Yung was a horrible person. Killed so many people. And for some reason was treated very leniently. Despite all she did. But I guess on a positive side, she did single-handedly solve the overcrowding of the prison in Germany. So there you go. This person's name is premature death. They're from Canada. Let's serve premature as life. Oh my God, they're incredibly stupid. Yes. Not only can I relate to them more, but the fact they're so stupid, it might be easier to die young. I am eight and a bully just attacked me. I fought back and I bruised his brain. Wait, call me Kevin. How will you attack your classmate? Call me. Oh my God, kill him, kill him. His throat. Deliver an uppercut to your classmate. Call me his throat. Then you clocked him and he's, I'll be nice, stop it. Why would you say that? I just joined the army and immediately deserted it. And now I'm on the run. Can I call a hit man on myself? That would be cool. No, I can't. That would help me a lot. I could go to a witch doctor. That might be a good idea. I seek a last resort. The witch doctor has offered you a red and white mushroom. Try it, why not? Oh, I don't have any money. Hold on, let me commit some crime to get some money for the witch doctor. All right, rob a priest. Oh no, oh no. Leave me alone, leave me alone. Okay, I'm out of there. Great, I got enough I think if that mushroom's still on sale, you took it. But it made me really upset. Do you have anything to fix this? Another red and white mushroom. Try it again. Okay, that made me even more upset. Now I'm depressed. Thank you. Oh God, I got caught for desertion. God damn it. Resist arrest. God damn it, I'm arrested. Oh, steroids, sir. Yes, sir. And I've been released from prison with 0% held 0% happiness. How do I get some money again to get that witch doctor? I wanna eat more of those mushrooms. I think that's a good way to die. Okay, I stole everything from a pimp's house. Again, a good way to die. Okay, $11,000. Perfect, you know what? I might even get some risky surgery as well while I'm at it. Give me, what do I go for? A tummy tuck. And go with the bad reputation doctor. It was botched. Yes, nice one, doc. You're the best. I got the old mediocre ribbon too. Start Max's life. No, Max doesn't really work. Minimum is better. Minimum life. That's perfect. My happiness is plummeting. I did just release the family dog. Can I release the family, baby? Rumble with my sister. Go for it. Roundhouse kicker Skull at age four. She attacked you with a dildo. She's four, what the? She snapped my spine. I'm pretty sure I would be dead. She's attacked you with an ice pick. How am I alive? Our relationship is still really good somehow even though I keep attacking her. She stabbed my skull. I'm still fine. Well, I'm not fine. My happiness, health, and looks are pretty fucking bad. Why are my parents not intervening? This is like a fight in a Steven Seagal movie except if it were real, my guy would be Steven Seagal. He's doing absolutely nothing. He's winded just from standing up. Yes, minimum life is dead. At age three, the parents did not intervene. Now that's an exotic name. Last name is to die. First name, Destiny. Destiny is to die. I like it. I killed someone. I'm age six and I killed someone. Great start to life. And now someone's bullying me. Why would you do that? I just killed someone. You're dead now too. Why do you keep trying to bully me? I'll kill you next. Look, you're dead now. Why do you keep doing this? Everyone who tries to pick on me, I killed them. It turns out it is your destiny to die. Just had bottom and the throat. I'm becoming a priest. I lack qualifications. Why? I killed three people. Is that it? All right, escort it is. That was second on my list. They laughed at my resume. Why? Because I killed three people? Let's jump right into crime. Oh, wait, no, I need money to do crime. Hold on. I got anxiety now. Just thinking about doing crime. Okay. Hitman, please. I want my stepfather killed. Ah, it turns out he didn't want. My discounted price is six grand. Okay, I'll save up. All right, I have 30 grand. I'm ready to kill my stepfather, Hitman. I hope that inflation hasn't kicked in because I have just enough. Now you want 6,900. This is what I offered you ages ago. He pulled off the hit using a, okay. Why is that the weapon of choice today? Yes, this is perfect. He's now threatening to kill me with a dildo unless I'll pay him another 6,900. Tell him a deal is a deal. I'm sure he'll understand. Oh, he didn't kill me. He just assaulted me and almost killed me. I'm 3% health. Wait, I just got 345,000 pounds because my dad died. What the hell? Skip that funeral. Let's get spending that money to the casino it is. It's as easy as that. I just won. Nope, I'm done. I'm quitting while I'm ahead. If my dad had that much money, my mom must have similar money as well. Where's that Hitman? Billy the Kid, where are you? I want the discounted raise again. Jesus, you're your subman for one man at that price. How could I resist killing my mother? Next day shipping, your Hitman John Doe pulled off the hit on your mother using a toilet seat and I got the inheritance. Skip that funeral. Look at all this money. What's a good way to die when you have 600,000 pounds? One night stand and now I have a fever. Not a bad idea, if you ask me. Just chug some water. Should be fine. You're pregnant. Just name it. I is to die. Can I call a Hitman on the baby? I didn't really want it. I just wanted the STDs to come with it. God damn it, I can't. Well, that's where you draw the line. Kill the father then. That's the next best thing. Hire the Hitman. Well, it worked. It is time to vaccinate your son. I, no, maybe drugs is the answer. Let's go to call me's disco. The bouncer won't let you into the club because of my looks. God damn it. Okay, no club will allow me in because of my looks. Okay, maybe STDs are the answer. You don't have energy and you have a mild fever. Perfect. Just drink a smoothie. It'll sort itself out. Yes! Yes! Okay, STDs kills destinies to die. I mean, it was kind of a destiny after all. Continue as your child. I mean, he's not vaccinated. This is getting dark. You have a lot of money. I, let's see what you can do with it. Kiss. Yes, kiss with tongue. Give me your diseases. Oh, my teacher just called me delicate. Scuffle with him. Backhand is scull. Yeah, perfect. You've been expelled. Perfect. This has got to be a good start. Okay, I'm 18. I'm unvaccinated. I'm ready for a night on the town. I need disease. How can I mingle with people? Oh, my God. The looks issue runs in the family. They won't allow me in any nightclub again. Like, sure I don't have looks, but I have money. Let me in. Oh, a hookup. Perfect. Give me disease. You begin being. It suddenly feels as if your genitals are on fire. It doesn't bother me. No, baby girl. God damn it. You is to die. Not very creative. They're getting less creative as I go on. All right. Let's attempt to kill someone bigger and stronger than me. Let's see. My father by atomic wedgie. There's no way that's gonna work. He called the police on me. 36 years in prison. Wait, I'm not vaccinated. This is perfect. I've got diarrhea. This could be a good sign of things to come. You've received some mail from your daughter. You returned to send it. Oh, my God. Look at this. Happiness, health, looks, it's all rock bottom smart. It's somewhat there, but it's not gonna help in this situation. A brawny inmate named Robin is trying to force you to get a tattoo of his face on your back on clean needles. Do what he wants. I could easily die here by just attacking any of these people, but I just wanna see, does disease get me in the end? Oh, parole board. I've been released after 26 years. How the hell did I get through that? I'm gonna buy the helicopter. I don't have a pilot license. A one hour lesson is fine. You crashed your training aircraft. What a way to go. After all that, this was 26 years in prison. Just a horrible, horrible experience. Everyone picking on him, bullying him, attacking him. He gets out, takes one flight lesson and crashes. That is fantastic. He may have had the longest life, but I think he had the worst life. All right. Well, hey there friends. How's it going? My name is Kevin. All the way around again. I think we're gonna end it there. I hope you enjoyed the video. I really appreciate you folks watching. It means a lot to me. This was fun. If you have any more bit life ideas, please shoot them my way. I love playing bit life. I don't know what it is. It's so addictive and it's so fun. It's just wacky. I appreciate you watching as always. If you wanna check out more of my stuff, you can subscribe by post every day. I also stream over on Twitch. There's a link for that in the description. But yeah, that's about it. Other than that, I'll just say thanks for watching and I hope to see you next time. Bye for now.