 And now for the face on the tap room floor Jack Benny Well Well, that was certainly a nice introduction You know Wilson as an announcer you're about as useful as an umbrella to a flounder That's all right Jack. I can take it But I know some pretty swell affairs that have been run off about master of ceremonies. Oh, you do a yeah Say what is a master of ceremonies anyway? Well a master of ceremonies is a fellow that's handsome Dressed as well knows a lot of good jokes and is generally cute You're not at all conceited are you know, I'm not I'm not a bitty get this to go in fact I'm much better looking than I think I am Anyway Wilson, I think there should be less announcers on programs and more masters of ceremonies Yes, there should be more masters in the cold cold ground That's all right. That's I can take it But am I burning up folks right now you could fry eggs in my forehead? That would be a nice order of ham and egg That's all I want to know take off your glasses what I said take off your glasses I don't care if you are six foot two. Okay Well the glasses are off. What are you going to do about it? Nothing. I just want to see if you had blue eyes Well, listen Benny just a word for your own protection, you know, I was one paperweight champion of California remember that well I can fight too You ever hear of carnera? Yeah, well who didn't? Big smart Alec and Another thing one more word out of you and I'll take that nose of yours and put it around back of your head Just as I thought He thought I was gonna answer Peter said one more word. I'd have cleaned up the studio with them. What's that? I said the studio needs cleaning up. That's what I said Is he gone yes, I guess he knows what's good for him Hello Jack. Hello, Mary. What's the matter your face is white and you're trembling. Oh nothing, Mary I had an argument with Don Wilson and I had to tell him where he got off. That's all Nothing I just have to take off his glasses and he wouldn't so I pasted him Went down like a log No, Wilson Then he got up and made a pass at me, but when I got through with him his face looked like a New England boiled dinner Then he gets sore Mary and pulls a knife on me Yeah The good thing I held my temper after all he has a family and has work to do You know Jack here comes Wilson back again. Don't mention anything. I said Mary's might embarrass, but you know after all we're on the same program See you later. You know, hello, Mary Hello, Mr. Wilson. Where's your crutches crutches? Yeah See you don't look a bit like a new England boiled dinner. What in the world are you talking about? Well, weren't you in an accident or something? Certainly not Mary. He didn't jack Benny. Uh, you know, I don't understand Can you still do your work? Of course, Mary listen the general tire minimizes road and car track bump It's blowout proof runs on 40% less air and can be bought at your own general tire dealer. What else did Jack do to you? Hey Baster oh Yes, Jack, where are you behind the piano play down? Oh Pardon me, I was just talking to some friends of mine I'm sorry for the way that I acted when the program first started tonight. Oh, that's all right. Yeah, you know those arguments help to kill time It's all good materials And why there are more oh, I don't know I was just thinking of mother's day and Frank Parker just Loved by neighbor and all the whole thing just got me. Yep. It does be real Adam's apple up Doesn't it see I wish I didn't live so far from home You know Jack, I'd like to bring you out to the house with me for the weekend But folks all know you listen to your broadcast and oh, I'm sure that you'll have a nice rest and some home-cooked food Well, that sounds good done ready to live in the block just a short walk from the last subway stop. Well, I'm Sorry down if I haven't anything with me, you know no caving outfit or anything Oh, we've got everything there for you. Come on. I won't take no for an answer. Well, all right after all I like home cooking and I certainly need a rest When do you want to go right now? Come on. All right, okay with me That's the place something Jack's coming home with me for the weekend. Okay. Shall we take the subway down? Yes, and then it's just a few minutes walk from there all the fresh air will do it good. Okay, kid Oh Yeah, it was a long subway ride down, huh? Thought we'd never get here. Well, Jack, it won't be long now and this walk will do it good How far is it all about six minutes as the crow flies? Well, that's all right. If you happen to be a crow, but my feet hurt, you know He is quiet out this way, isn't it? Oh, yes, but you can sleep like a pop She is It's certainly dark out this way. Oh, you aren't afraid are you know, but who's this looks like a stranger to me Take them up. Take them up up. I say the weekend is starting nice One squawk out of you and your goose is cooked. He thinks I'm Joe Petter. Why Why is Jack quiet quiet? He means business. Come on you big fella hand over your dough I'm sorry, but I haven't anything with me. How about you? I'm sorry, but oh, yeah All right here. What's it on your finger a war? Oh Oh What a well, it's shining pretty bright. You mean this ring if it's cheap ring I got on a merry-go-round. Can I keep it now? I'll take the ring. You can keep the merry-go-round Well, that's fair. I'll beat it go on both of you And this is for the money that he has for Oh That I have left. Hey, Jack, you should have left your dough at the studio with bastard the fine time to tell me Oh, there's a house over there. See the light shining in the window. See, that's fine. Let's run. I still got my watch, you know Here's the house. Follow me across the lawn. It's certainly a czar Oh, gee whiz. Oh, you drift over the lawn board, Jack Thanks Well, here we are now. I'll ring the bell mother of sure be surprised Hello, ma John. Well, well, this is a surprise. How are you my son? Oh, hi, do you're looking? Well, ma come in come in. Who's that with you? Oh, this is Jack Benny. Who Benny? What's the last name? Just call me Rudy Here mother, I brought you a hundred dollars for a present. I wonder where it was when we were held up Thank you, son and ma. I brought you a package too