 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information, or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass by Frederick Douglass. Chapter 9 I have now reached a period of my life when I can give dates. I left Baltimore and went to live with Master Thomas Ald at St. Michael's in March 1832. It was now more than seven years since I lived with him and the family of my old master on Colonel Lloyd's plantation. We, of course, were now almost entire strangers to each other. He was to me a new master, and I to him a new slave. Just ignorant of his temper and disposition, he was equally so of mine. A very short time, however, brought us into full acquaintance with each other. I was made acquainted with his wife, not less than with himself. They were well matched, being equally mean and cruel. I was now, for the first time during a space of more than seven years, made to feel the painful gnawings of hunger, a something which I had not experienced before since I left Colonel Lloyd's plantation. It wasn't hard enough with me then when I could look back to no period at which I had enjoyed a sufficiency. It was tenfold harder after living in Master Hugh's family, where I had always had enough to eat, and of that which was good. I have said Master Thomas was a mean man. He was so. Not to give a slave enough to eat is regarded as the most aggravated development of meanness even among slaveholders. The rule is, no matter how coarse a food, only let there be enough of it. This is the theory, and in the part of Maryland from which I came, it is a general practice, though there are many exceptions. Master Thomas gave us enough of neither coarse nor fine food. There were four slaves of us in the kitchen. My sister Eliza, my Aunt Priscilla, Henny, and myself, and we were allowed less than half a bushel of cornmeal per week, and very little else, either in the shape of meat or vegetables. It was not enough for us to subsist upon. We were therefore reduced to the wretched necessity of living at the expense of our neighbors. This we did by begging and stealing, whichever came handy in the time of need, the one being considered as legitimate as the other. A great many times have we poor creatures been nearly perishing with hunger, when food and abundance lay smoldering in the safe and smokehouse, and our pious mistress was aware of the fact, and yet that mistress and her husband would kneel every morning and pray that God would bless them in basket and store. Bad as all slaveholders are, we seldom meet one destitute of every element of character commanding respect. My master was one of this rare sort. I do not know of one single noble act ever performed by him. The leading trait in his character was meanness, and if there were any other element in his nature, it was made subject to this. He was mean, and like most other mean men, he lacked the ability to conceal his meanness. Captain Ald was not born a slaveholder. He had been a poor man, master only of a baycraft. He came into possession of all his slaves by marriage, and of all men adopted slaveholders are the worst. He was cruel, but cowardly. He commanded without firmness. In the enforcement of his rules he was at times rigid, and at times lax. At times he spoke to his slaves with the firmness of Napoleon and the fury of a demon. At other times he might well be mistaken for an inquirer who had lost his way. He did nothing of himself. He might have passed for a lion, but for his ears. In all things nobles which he attempted, his own meanness shown most conspicuous. His heirs, words, and actions were the heirs, words, and actions of born slaveholders, and being assumed were awkward enough. He was not even a good imitator. He possessed all the disposition to deceive, but wanted the power. Having no resources within himself, he was compelled to be the copyist of many. And being such, he was forever the victim of inconsistency, and of consequence he was an object of contempt, and he was held as such even by his slaves. The luxury of having slaves of his own to wait upon him was something new and unprepared for. He was a slaveholder without the ability to hold slaves. He found himself incapable of managing his slaves either by force, fear, or fraud. We seldom called him master. We generally called him Captain Ald, and were hardly disposed to title him at all. I doubt not that our conduct had much to do with making him appear awkward, and of consequence fretful. Our want of reverence for him must have perplexed him greatly. He wished to have us call him master, but lacked the firmness necessary to command us to do so. His wife used to insist upon our calling him so, but to no purpose. In August 1832, my master attended a Methodist camp meeting held in the Bayside, Talbot County, and there experienced religion. I indulged a faint hope that his conversion would lead him to emancipate his slaves, and that if he did not do this, it would at any rate make him more kind and humane. I was disappointed in both these respects. It neither made him to be humane to his slaves, nor to emancipate them. If it had any effect on his character, it made him more cruel and hateful in all his ways, for I believe him to have been a much worse man after his conversion than before. Prior to his conversion, he relied upon his own depravity to shield and sustain him in his savage barbarity, but after his conversion he found religious sanction and support for his slave-holding cruelty. He made the greatest pretensions to piety. His house was the house of prayer. He prayed morning, noon, and night. He very soon distinguished himself among his brethren, and was soon made a class leader and exhorter. His activity and revivals was great, and he proved himself an instrument in the hands of the church in converting many souls. His house was the preacher's home. They used to take great pleasure in coming there to put up, for while he starved us, he stuffed them. We have had three or four preachers there at a time. The names of those who used to come most frequently while I lived there were Mr. Storks, Mr. Iweray, Mr. Humphrey, and Mr. Hickey. I have also seen Mr. George Cookman at our house. We slaves loved Mr. Cookman. We believed him to be a good man. We thought him instrumental in getting Mr. Samuel Harrison, a very rich slave-holder, to emancipate slaves, and by some means got the impression that he was laboring to affect the emancipation of all the slaves. When he was at our house, we were sure to be called into prayers. When the others were there, we were sometimes called in, and sometimes not. Mr. Cookman took more notice of us than either of the other ministers. He could not come among us without betraying his sympathy for us, and, stupid as we were, we had this sujecity to see it. While I lived with my master in St. Michael's, there was a white young man, a Mr. Wilson, who proposed to keep a Sabbath school for the instruction of such slaves as might be disposed to learn to read the New Testament. We met but three times when Mr. West and Mr. Fairbanks, both class leaders, with many others, came upon us with sticks and other missiles, drove us off, and forbade us to meet again. Thus ended our little Sabbath school in the pious town of St. Michael's. I have said my master found religious sanction for his cruelty. As an example, I will state one of many facts going to prove the charge. I have seen him tie up a lame young woman, and whip her with a heavy cowskin upon her naked shoulders, causing the warm red blood to drip. And, in justification of the bloody deed, he would quote this passage of scripture. He that knoweth his master's will, and doeth it not, shall be beaten with many stripes. Master would keep this lacerated young woman tied up in this horrid situation four or five hours at a time. I have known him to tie her up early in the morning, and whip her before breakfast, leave her, go to his store, return at dinner, and whip her again, cutting her in the places already made raw with his cruel lash. The secret of master's cruelty toward Henny is found in the fact of her being almost helpless. When quite a child she fell into the fire, and burned herself horribly. Her hands were so burnt that she never got the use of them. She could do very little but bear heavy burdens. She was to master a billet of expense, and as he was a mean man, she was a constant offense to him. He seemed desirous of getting the poor girl out of existence. He gave her away once to his sister, but, being a poor gift, she was not disposed to keep her. Finally, my benevolent master, to use his own words, set her adrift to take care of herself. Here was a recently converted man, holding on upon the mother, and at the same time turning out her helpless child to starve and die. Master Thomas was one of the many pious slaveholders who held slaves for the very charitable purpose of taking care of them. My master and myself had quite a number of differences. He found me unsuitable to his purpose. My city life, he said, had had a very pernicious effect upon me. It had almost ruined me for every good purpose, and fitted me for everything which was bad. One of my greatest faults was that of letting his horse run away, and go down to his father-in-law's farm, which was about five miles from St. Michael's. I would then have to go after it. My reason for this kind of carelessness or carefulness was that I could always get something to eat when I went there. Master William Hamilton, my master's father-in-law, always gave his slaves enough to eat. I never left their hungry, no matter how great the need of my speedy return. Master Thomas at length said he would stand it no longer. I had lived with him nine months, during which time he had given me a number of severe whippings, all to no good purpose. He resolved to put me out, as he said, to be broken, and for this very purpose he let me for one year to a man named Edward Covey. Mr. Covey was a poor man, a farm-renter. He rented the place upon which he lived, as also the hands with which he tilled it. Mr. Covey had acquired a very high reputation for breaking young slaves, and this reputation was of immense value to him. It enabled him to get his farm tilled, with much less expense to himself, than he could have had done it without such a reputation. Some slave-holders thought it not much loss to allow Mr. Covey to have their slaves one year, for the sake of the training to which they were subjected, without any other compensation. He could hire young help with great ease, in consequence of this reputation. Added to the natural good qualities of Mr. Covey, he was a professor of religion, a pious soul, a member and a class leader in the Methodist Church. All of this added weight to his reputation as a nigger-breaker. I was aware of all the facts, having been acquainted with them by a young man who had lived there. I nevertheless made the change gladly, for I was sure of getting enough to eat, which is not the smallest consideration to a hungry man. End of chapter 9 This recording by Jeanette Ferguson On June 16th, 2007 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information, or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass By Frederick Douglass Chapter 10 I left Master Thomas's house and went to live with Mr. Covey on the 1st of January, 1833. I was now, for the first time in my life, a field hand. In my new employment, I found myself even more awkward than a country boy appeared to be in a large city. I had been at my new home but one week before Mr. Covey gave me a very severe whipping, cutting my back, causing the blood to run, and raising ridges on my flesh as large as my little finger. The details of this affair are as follows. Mr. Covey sent me very early in the morning of one of our coldest days in the month of January to the woods to get a load of wood. He gave me a team of unbroken oxen. He told me which was the in-hand ox and which the off-hand one. He then tied the end of a large rope around the horns of the in-hand ox and gave me the other end of it and told me if the oxen started to run that I must hold on upon the rope. I had never driven oxen before, and of course I was very awkward. I, however, succeeded in getting to the edge of the woods with little difficulty. But I had got a very few rods into the woods when the oxen took fright and started full tilt, carrying the cart against trees and over stumps in the most frightful manner. I expected every moment that my brains would be dashed out against the trees. After running thus for considerable distance, they finally upset the cart, dashing it with great force against the tree, and threw themselves into a dense thicket. How I escaped death I do not know. There I was entirely alone in a thick wood in a place new to me. My cart was upset and shattered, my oxen were entangled among the young trees, and there was none to help me. After a long spell of effort I succeeded in getting my cart righted, my oxen disentangled, and again yoked to the cart. I now proceeded with my team to the place where I had, the day before, been chopping wood and loaded my cart pretty heavily, thinking in this way to tame my oxen. I then proceeded on my way home. I had now consumed one half of the day. I got out of the woods safely, and now felt out of danger. I stopped my oxen to open the woods gate, and just as I did so before I could get hold of my oxrope, the oxen again started, rushed through the gate, catching it between the wheel and the body of the cart, tearing it to pieces, and coming within a few inches of crushing me against the gate posts. Thus twice, in one short day, I escaped death by the mirish chance. On my return I told Mr. Covey what had happened and how it happened. He ordered me to return to the woods again immediately. I did so, and he followed on after me. Just as I got into the woods he came up and told me to stop my cart, and that he would teach me how to trifle away my time and break gates. He then went to a large gum-tree, and with his axe cut three large switches, and after trimming them up neatly with his pocket-knife, he ordered me to take off my clothes. I made him no answer, but stood with my clothes on. He repeated his order. I still made him no answer, nor did I move to strip myself. Upon this he rushed at me with the fierceness of a tiger, tore off my clothes, and lashed me till he had worn out his switches, cutting me so savagely as to leave the marks visible for a long time after. This whipping was the first of a number just like it, and for similar offenses. I lived with Mr. Covey one year. During the first six months of that year, scarce a week passed without his whipping me. I was seldom free from a sore back. My awkwardness was almost always his excuse for whipping me. We were worked fully up to the point of endurance. Long before day we were up, our horses fed, and by the first approach of day we were off to the field with our hose and plowing teams. Mr. Covey gave us enough to eat, but scarce time to eat it. We were often less than five minutes taking our meals. We were often in the field from the first approach of day till its last lingering ray had left us, and at saving fodder time, midnight often caught us in the field binding blades. Covey would be out with us. The way he used to stand it was this. He would spend the most of his afternoons in bed. He would then come out fresh in the evening, ready to urge us on with his words, example, and frequently with the whip. Mr. Covey was one of the few slaveholders who could and did work with his hands. He was a hard working man. He knew by himself just what a man or a boy could do. There was no deceiving him. His work went on in his absence almost as well as in his presence. And he had the faculty of making us feel that he was ever present with us. This he did by surprising us. He seldom approached the spot where we were at work openly, if he could do it secretly. He always aimed at taking us by surprise. Such was his cunning that we used to call him among ourselves, the snake. When we were at work in the quorum field, he would sometimes crawl on his hands and knees to avoid detection. And all at once he would rise nearly in our midst and scream out, Ha ha, come, come, dash on, dash on. This being his mode of attack, it was never safe to stop a single minute. His comings were like a thief in the night. He appeared to us as being ever at hand. He was under every tree, behind every stump, in every bush, and at every window, on the plantation. He would sometimes mount his horse as if bound to St. Michael's a distance of seven miles, and in half an hour afterwards you would see him coiled up in the corner of the wood fence, watching every motion of the slaves. He would, for this purpose, leave his horse tied up in the woods. Again, he would sometimes walk up to us and give us orders as though he was upon the point of starting on a long journey. Turn his back upon us and make as though he was going to the house to get ready. And before he would get halfway thither, he would turn short and crawl into a fence corner or behind some tree, and there watch us till the going down of the sun. Mr. Covey's forte consisted in his power to deceive. His life was devoted to planning and perpetrating the grossest deceptions. Everything he possessed, in the shape of learning or religion, he made conform to his disposition to deceive. He seemed to think himself equal to deceiving the Almighty. He would make a short prayer in the morning and a long prayer at night, and, strange as it may seem, few men would at times appear more devotional than he. The exercises of his family devotions were always commenced with singing, and, as he was a very poor singer himself, the duty of raising the hymn generally came upon me. He would read his hymn and nod at me to commence. I would at times do so, at others I would not. My non-compliance would almost always produce much confusion. To show himself independent of me, he would start and stagger through his hymn in the most discordant manner. In this state of mind he prayed with more than ordinary spirit. Poor man, such was his disposition and success at deceiving. I do verily believe that he sometimes deceived himself into the solemn belief that he was a sincere worshiper of the Most High God. And this too, at a time when he may be said to have been guilty of compelling his woman slave to commit the sin of adultery. The facts in this case are these. Mr. Covey was a poor man. He was just commencing in life. He was only able to buy one slave, and, shocking as is the fact, he bought her, as he said, for a breeder. This woman was named Caroline. Mr. Covey bought her from Mr. Thomas Lowe, about six miles from St. Michael's. She was a large, able-bodied woman, about twenty years old. She had already given birth to one child, which proved her to be just what he wanted. After buying her, he hired a married man of Mr. Samuel Harrison to live with him one year, and him he used to fasten up with her every night. The result was that, at the end of the year, the miserable woman gave birth to twins. At this result Mr. Covey seemed to be highly pleased, both with the man and the wretched woman. Such was his joy, and that of his wife, that nothing they could do for Caroline during her confinement was too good, or too hard, to be done. The children were regarded as being quite in addition to his wealth. If at any one time of my life more than another, I was made to drink the bitterest dregs of slavery, that time was during the first six months of my stay with Mr. Covey. We were worked in all weathers. It was never too hot, or too cold. It could never rain, blow, hail, or snow too hard for us to work in the field. Work, work, work was scarcely more the order of the day than of the night. The longest days were too short for him, and the shortest nights too long for him. I was somewhat unmanageable when I first went there, but a few months of this discipline tamed me. Mr. Covey succeeded in breaking me. I was broken in body, soul, and spirit. My natural elasticity was crushed, my intellect languished, the disposition to read departed, the cheerful spark that lingered about my eye died. The dark night of slavery closed in upon me, and behold a man transformed into a brute. Sunday was my only leisure time. I spent this in a sort of beast-like stupor between sleep and wake, under some large tree. At times I would rise up, a flash of energetic freedom would dart through my soul, accompanied with a faint beam of hope, that flickered for a moment, and then vanished. I sank down again, mourning over my wretched condition. I was sometimes prompted to take my life, and that of Covey, but was prevented by a combination of hope and fear. My sufferings on this plantation seemed now like a dream rather than a stern reality. Our house stood within a few rods of the Chesapeake Bay, whose broad bosom was ever white with sails from every quarter of the habitable globe. Those beautiful vessels, robed in purest white, so delightful to the eye of freemen, were to me so many shrouded ghosts, to terrify and torment me with thoughts of my wretched condition. I have often, in the deep stillness of a summer's Sabbath, stood all alone upon the lofty banks of that noble bay, and traced, with saddened heart and tearful eye, the countless number of sails moving off to the mighty ocean. The sight of these always affected me powerfully. My thoughts would compel utterance, and there, with no audience but the Almighty, I would pour out my soul's complaint in my rude way, with an apostrophe to the moving multitude of chips. You are loosed from your moorings, and are free. I am fastened my chains, and am a slave. You move merrily before the gentle gale, and I sadly before the bloody whip. You are freedoms with winged angels, that fly around the world. I am confined in bands of iron. Oh, that I were free. Oh, that I were on one of your gallant decks, and under your protecting wing. Alas, betwixt you and me, the turbid water's roll. Go on, go on. Oh, that I could also go. Could I but swim, if I could fly. Oh, why was I born a man of whom to make a brute? The glad ship is gone, she hides in the dim distance. I am left in the hottest hell of unending slavery. Oh, God save me. God deliver me. Let me be free. Is there any God? Why am I a slave? I will run away. I will not stand it. Get caught or get clear, I'll try it. I had as well die with Og as the fever. I have only one life to lose. I had as well be killed running as die standing. Only think of it. 100 miles straight north, and I am free. Try it? Yes, God helping me I will. It cannot be that I shall live and die a slave. I will take to the water. This very bay shall yet bear me into freedom. The steamboat steered in a northeast course from the north point. I will do the same. And when I get to the head of the bay, I will turn my canoe adrift and walk straight through Delaware into Pennsylvania. When I get there, I shall not be required to have a pass. I can travel without being disturbed. Let but the first opportunity offer and come what will, I am off. Meanwhile, I will try to bear up under the yoke. I am not the only slave in the world. Why should I fret? I can bear as much as any of them. Besides, I am but a boy, and all boys are bound to someone. It may be that my misery and slavery will only increase my happiness when I get free. There is a better day coming. Thus I used to think, and thus I used to speak to myself, goaded to almost a madness at one moment, and the next reconciling myself to my wretched lot. I have already intimated that my condition was much worse during the first six months of my stay at Mr. Covey's than in the last six. The circumstances leading to the change in Mr. Covey's course toward me form an epoch in my humble history. You have seen how a man was made a slave. You shall see how a slave is made a man. On one of the hottest days of the month of August, 1833, Bill Smith, William Hughes, a slave named Eli and myself, were engaged in fanning wheat. Hughes was clearing the fanned wheat from before the fan. Eli was turning, Smith was feeding, and I was carrying wheat to the fan. The work was simple, requiring strength rather than intellect, yet to one entirely unused to such work it came very hard. About three o'clock of that day I broke down. My strength failed me. I was seized with a violent aching of the head, attended with extreme dizziness. I trembled in every limb, finding what was coming. I nervved myself up, feeling it would never do to stop work. I stood as long as I could stagger to the hopper with grain. When I could stand no longer, I fell, and felt as if held down by an immense weight. The fan, of course, stopped. Everyone had his own work to do, and no one could do the work of the other and have his own go on at the same time. Mr. Covey was at the house about a hundred yards from the treading yard where we were fanning. On hearing the fan stop, he left immediately and came to the spot where we were. He hastily inquired what the matter was. Bill answered that I was sick, and there was no one to bring wheat to the fan. I had by this time crawled away into the side of the post and railfans by which the yard was enclosed, hoping to find relief by getting out of the sun. He then asked where I was. He was told by one of the hands. He came to the spot, and after looking at me a while, asked me what was the matter. I told him as well as I could for I scarce head strength to speak. He then gave me a savage kick in the side and told me to get up. I tried to do so, but fell back at the attempt. He gave me another kick and again told me to rise. I again tried and succeeded in gaining my feet, but, stooping to get the tub with which I was feeding the fan, I again staggered and fell. While down in this situation Mr. Covey took up the hickory sled with which Hughes had been striking off the half-bushel measure, and with it gave me a heavy blow upon the head, making a large wound, and the blood ran freely. And with this again told me to get up. I made no effort to comply, having now made up my mind to let him do his worst. In a short time after receiving this blow, my head grew better. Mr. Covey had now left me to my fate. At this moment I resolved for the first time to go to my master into a complaint and ask his protection. And with this I must that afternoon walk seven miles, and this under the circumstances was truly a severe undertaking. I was exceedingly feeble, made so as much by the kicks and blows which I received, as by the severe fit of sickness to which I had been subjected. I, however, watched my chance while Covey was looking in an opposite direction and started for St. Michael's. I succeeded in getting a considerable distance from my way to the woods when Covey discovered me and called after me to come back, threatening what he would do if I did not come. I disregarded both his calls and his threats and made my way to the woods as fast as my feeble state would allow and thinking I might be overhauled by him if I kept to the road I walked through the woods keeping far enough from the road to avoid detection and near enough to prevent losing my way to the woods I could go no farther. I fell down and lay for a considerable time. The blood was yet oozing from the wound on my head. For a time I thought I should bleed to death and think now that I should have done so but that the blood so matted my hair as to stop the wound. After lying there about three-quarters of an hour I nerved myself up again and started on my way through bogs and briars barefooted and bareheaded. And after a journey of about seven miles occupying some five hours to perform it I arrived at a master store I then presented an appearance enough to affect any but a heart of iron. From the crown of my head to my feet I was covered with blood my hair was all clotted with dust and blood my shirt was stiff with blood my legs and feet were torn in sundry places with briars and thorns and were also covered with blood I suppose I looked like a man who escaped a den of wild beasts and barely escaped them in this state I appeared before my master humbly and treating him to interpose his authority for my protection I told him all the circumstances as well as I could and it seemed as I spoke at times to affect him he would then walk the floor and seek to justify Covey by saying he expected I deserved it he asked me what I wanted I told him to let me get a new home that as sure as I lived with Mr. Covey again I should live with but to die with him that Covey would surely kill me he was in a fair way for it master Thomas ridiculed the idea that there was any danger of Mr. Covey's killing me and said that he knew Mr. Covey that he was a good man and that he could not think of taking me from him that should he do so he would lose the whole year's wages that I belong to Mr. Covey and that I must go back to him come what might and that I must not trouble him with any more stories or that he would himself get hold of me after threatening me thus he gave me a very large dose of salts telling me that I might remain in St. Michael's that night it being quite late for that I must be off back to Mr. Covey's early in the morning and that if I did not he would get hold of me and as I reached to his orders I started off to Covey's in the morning Saturday morning we read in body and broken in spirit I got no supper that night nor breakfast that morning I reached Covey's about nine o'clock and just as I was getting over the fence that divided Mrs. Kemp's fields from ours out ran Covey with his cow skin to give me another whipping before he could reach me I succeeded in getting to the cornfield and as the corn was very high I was angry and searched for me a long time my behavior was all together unaccountable he finally gave up the chase thinking I suppose that I must come home for something to eat he would give himself no further trouble in looking for me I spent that day mostly in the woods having the alternative before me to go home and be whipped to death or stay in the woods and be starved to death that night I fell in with Sandy Jenkins a slave with whom I was somewhat acquainted with a free wife who lived about four miles from Mr. Covey's and it being Saturday he was on his way to see her I told him my circumstances and he very kindly invited me to go home with him I went home with him and talked this whole matter over and got his advice as to what course it was best for me to pursue I found Sandy an old advisor he told me with great solemnity I must go back to Covey and I must go with him into another part of the woods where there was a certain root which if I might take some of it with me carrying it always on my right side would render it impossible for Mr. Covey or any other white man to whip me he said he had carried it for years and since he had done so he had never received a blow and never expected to while he carried it I at first rejected the idea that the simple carrying of a root in my pocket would have been what I had said and was not disposed to take it but Sandy impressed the necessity with much earnestness telling me that it could do no harm if it did no good to please him I at length took the root and according to his direction carried it upon my right side this was Sunday morning I immediately started for home and upon entering the yard gate out came Mr. Covey on his way to meeting I drove the pigs from a lot nearby and passed on towards the church now the singular conduct of Mr. Covey really made me begin to think there was something in the root which Sandy had given me and had it been on any other day than Sunday I could have attributed to the conduct no other cause than the influence of that root and as it was I was half inclined to think the root to be something more than I at first had taken it to be this morning the virtue of the root was fully tested long before daylight I was called to go and rub, curry and feed the horses I obeyed and was glad to obey but whilst thus engaged whilst in the act of throwing down some blades from the loft Mr. Covey entered the stable with a long rope and just as I was half out of the loft he caught hold of my legs and was about tying me as soon as I found what he was up to I gave a sudden spring on my legs I was brought sprawling on the stable floor Mr. Covey seemed now to think he had me and could do what he pleased but at this moment from whence came the spirit I don't know I resolved to fight and sooning my action to the resolution I seized Covey hard by the throat and as I did so I rose he held on to me and I to him my resistance was so entirely unexpected that Covey seemed taken all back he trembled like a leaf my tolerance and I held him uneasy causing the blood to run where I touched him with the ends of my fingers Mr. Covey soon called out to Hughes for help Hughes came and whilst Covey held me attempted to tie my right hand while he was in the act of doing so I watched my chance and gave him a heavy kick close under the ribs this kick fairly sickened Hughes so that he left me in the hands of Mr. Covey the kick had the effect of not only weakening Hughes bending over with pain his courage quailed he asked me if I meant to persist in my resistance I told him I did come what might that he had used me like a brute for six months and that I was determined to be used so no longer with that he strove to drag me to a stick that was lying just out of the stable door he meant to knock me down but just as he was leaning over to get the stick I seized him with both hands by his collar and brought him by a sudden snatch to the ground by this time Bill came Covey called upon him for assistance Bill wanted to know what he could do Covey said take hold of him, take hold of him Bill said his master hired him out to work and not to help whip me so he left Covey and myself to fight our own battle out we were at it for nearly two hours Covey at length let me go puffing and blowing at a great rate saying that if I had not resisted he would not have whipped me half so much the truth was that he had not whipped me at all I considered him as getting entirely the worst end of the bargain for he had drawn no blood from me but I had from him the whole six months afterwards that I spent with Mr. Covey he never laid the weight of his finger upon me in anger he would occasionally say he didn't want to get hold of me again know that I you need not Mr. Covey was a turning point in my career as a slave it rekindled the few expiring embers of freedom and revived within me a sense of my own manhood it recalled the departed self-confidence and inspired me again with the determination to be free the gratification afforded by the triumph was a full compensation for whatever else might follow even death itself he only can understand the deep satisfaction of which I experienced himself repelled by force the bloody arm of slavery I felt as I had never felt before it was a glorious resurrection from the tomb of slavery to the heaven of freedom my long crushed spirit rose cowardice departed bold defiance took its place and I now resolve that however long I might remain a slave in form the day had passed forever when I could be a slave in fact I did not hesitate to let it be known of me that the white man to succeed in whipping must also succeed in killing me from this time I was never again what might be called fairly whipped though I remained a slave four years afterwards I had several fights but was never whipped it was for a long time a matter of surprise to me why Mr. Covey did not immediately have me taken by the constable to the whipping post and there regularly whipped for the crime of raising my hand I was not necessarily satisfied me but such as it is I will give it Mr. Covey enjoyed the most unbounded reputation for being a first rate overseer and negro breaker it was of considerable importance to him that reputation was at stake and had he sent me a boy about 16 years old to the public whipping post his reputation would have been lost so to save his reputation he suffered me to go unpunished my term of actual service to Mr. Edward Covey ended on Christmas Day 1833 the days between Christmas and New Year's Day are allowed as holidays and accordingly we were not required to perform any labor more than to feed and take care of the stock this time we regarded as our own by the grace of our masters and we therefore used or abused it nearly as we pleased those of us who had families at a distance were generally allowed to spend the whole six days in their society however was spent in various ways the staid, sober, thinking and industrious ones of our member would employ themselves in making corn brooms, mats horse collars and baskets and another class of us would spend the time in hunting possums, hairs and coons but by far the larger part engaged in such sports and marrimands as playing ball, wrestling running foot races, fiddling dancing and drinking whiskey and this latter mode of spending was considered by our masters a slave who had worked during the holidays was considered by our masters as scarcely deserving them he was regarded as one who rejected the favor of his master it was deemed to disgrace not to get drunk at Christmas and he was regarded as lazy indeed who had not provided himself with the necessary means during the year to get whiskey enough to last him through Christmas from what I know of the effect of these holidays upon the slave holder in keeping down the spirit of insurrection where the slave holders at once to abandon this practice I have not the slightest doubt it would lead to an immediate insurrection among the slaves these holidays serve as conductors or safety valves to carry off the rebellious spirit of enslaved humanity but for these the slave would be forced up to the wildest desperation and woe betide the slave holder the day he ventures to remove his master's I warn him that in such an event a spirit will go forth in their midst more to be dreaded than the most appalling earthquake the holidays are part and parcel of the gross fraud, wrong and inhumanity of slavery they are perversely accustomed established by the benevolence of the slave holders but I undertake to say it is a result of selfishness and one of the grossest frauds committed upon the downtrodden slave they would not like to have their work during its continuance but because they know it would be unsafe to deprive them of it this will be seen by the fact that the slave holders like to have their slaves spend those days in just such a manner as to make them glad of their ending as of their beginning their object seems to be to discuss their slaves with freedom by plunging them into the lowest steps of dissipation for instance the slave holders not only like to see the slave drink but also make him drunk one plan is to make bets on their slaves as to who can drink the most whiskey without getting drunk and in this way they succeed in getting whole multitudes to drink to excess thus when the slave asks for virtuous freedom the cunning slave holder knowing his ignorance cheats him with a dose of vicious dissipation artfully labeled with the name of liberty the most of us used to drink it down and the result was just what might be supposed many of us were led to think that there was little to choose between liberty and slavery we felt and very properly too that we had almost as well to be slaves to man as to rum so when the holidays ended we staggered up from the filth of our wallowing took a long breath and marched to the field feeling upon the whole rather glad to go from what our master had deceived us into a belief was freedom I have said that this mode of treatment is a part of the whole system of fraud and inhumanity of slavery it is so the mode here adopted to discuss the slave with freedom by allowing him to see only the abuse of it is carried out in other things for instance a slave loves molasses he steals some his master in many cases goes off to town and buys a large quantity he returns and commands the slave to eat the molasses until the poor fellow is made sick at the very mention of it the same mode is sometimes adopted to make the slaves refrain from asking for more food than their regular allowance a slave runs through his allowance and applies for more his master is enraged at him but not willing to send him off without food gives him more than is necessary and compels him to eat it within a given time then if he complains that he is said to be satisfied neither full nor fasting and is whipped for being hard to please I have an abundance of such illustrations of the same principle drawn from my own observation but thank the cases I have cited sufficient the practice is a very common one on the 1st of January 1834 I left Mr. Covey and went to live with Mr. William Freeland who lived about 3 miles from St. Michael's I soon found Mr. Freeland and I went for Mr. Covey though not rich he was what would be called an educated southern gentleman Mr. Covey as I have shown was a well trained negro breaker and slave driver the former slave holder though he was seemed to possess some regard for honor some reverence for justice and some respect for humanity the latter seemed totally insensible to all such sentiments Mr. Freeland had many of the faults peculiar to slave holders but I must do him the justice to say that he was exceedingly free from those degrading vices to which Mr. Covey was constantly addicted the one was open and frank and we always knew where to find him the other was a most artful deceiver and could be understood only by such as were skillful enough to detect his cunningly devised frauds another advantage I gained in my new master was he made no pretensions to or profession of religion and this in my opinion was truly a great advantage I assert most unhesitatingly that the religion of the south is a mere covering for the most horrid crimes a justifier of the most appalling barbarity a sanctifier of the most hateful frauds and a dark shelter under which the darkest, foulest, grossest and most infernal deeds of slave were I to be again reduced to the chains of slavery next to that enslavement I should regard being the slave of a religious master the greatest calamity that could befall me for of all slaveholders with whom I have ever met religious slaveholders are the worst I have ever found them the meanest and basest the most cruel and cowardly of all others it was my unhappy lot not only to belong to a religious slaveholder but to live in a community very near Mr. Freeland lived the Reverend Daniel Whedon and in the same neighborhood lived the Reverend Rigby Hopkins these were members and ministers in the reformed Methodist Church Mr. Whedon owned, among others a woman slave whose name I have forgotten the woman's back for weeks was kept literally raw made so by the lash of the its merciless, religious wretch he used to hire hands his maxim was the master occasionally to whip a slave to remind him of his master's authority such was his theory and such his practice Mr. Hopkins was even worse than Mr. Whedon his chief boast was his ability to manage slaves the peculiar feature of his government was that of whipping slaves in advance of deserving it he always managed to have one or more of his slaves to whip every Monday morning he did this to alarm their fears into those who escaped his plan was to whip for the small offenses to prevent the commission of large ones Mr. Hopkins could always find some excuse for whipping a slave it would astonish one unaccustomed to a slave holding life to see with what wonderful ease a slave holder can find things of which to make occasion to whip a slave a mere look, word or motion a mistake, accident or want of power are all matters for which a slave should be whipped at any time does a slave look dissatisfied it is said he has a devil in him and it must be whipped out does he speak loudly when spoken to by his master then he is getting high minded and should be taken down a button hole lower does he forget to pull off his hat at the approach of a white person then he is wanting in reverence and should be whipped for it does he ever venture to vindicate his conduct when censured for it then he is guilty of impudence crimes of which a slave can be guilty does he ever venture to suggest a different mode of doing things from that pointed out by his master he is indeed presumptuous and getting above himself and nothing less than a flogging will do for him does he while plowing break a plow or while hoeing break a hoe it is owing to his carelessness and for it a slave must always be whipped Mr. Hopkins could always find something of this sort to justify and he seldom failed to embrace such opportunities there was not a man in the whole country with whom the slaves who had the getting their own home would not prefer to live rather than with this Reverend Mr. Hopkins and yet there was not a man anywhere around who made higher professions of religion or was more active in revivals more attentive to the class love feasts prayer and preaching meetings or more devotional in his family that prayed earlier and even longer than the same Reverend slave driver Rigby Hopkins but to return to Mr. Freeland and to my experience while in his employment he like Mr. Covey gave us enough to eat but unlike Mr. Covey he also gave us sufficient time to take our meals he worked as hard but always between sunrise and sunset he required a good deal of work to be done but gave us good tolls with which to work but he employed hands enough to work it and with ease compared to with many of his neighbors my treatment while in his employment was heavenly compared with what I experienced at the hands of Mr. Edward Covey Mr. Freeland was himself the owner of but two slaves their names were Henry Harris and John Harris the rest of his hands he hired these consisted of myself Sandy Jenkins and Handy Caldwell very little while after I went there I succeeded in creating in them a strong desire to learn how to read this desire soon sprang up in the others also they very soon mustered up some old spelling books and nothing would do but that I must keep a sabbath school I agreed to do so and accordingly devoted my Sundays to teaching these my loved fellow slaves how to read neither of them knew his letters when I went there some of the slaves of the neighboring farms found what was going on and also availed themselves of this little opportunity to learn to read it was understood among all who came that there must be as little display about it as possible it was necessary to keep our religious masters at St. Michael's unacquainted with the fact that instead of spending the sabbath in wrestling boxing and drinking whiskey we were trying to learn how to read the will of God and how to see us engaged in those degrading sports than to see us behaving like intellectual moral and accountable beings my blood boils as I think of the bloody manner in which missers write Fairbanks and Garrison West both class leaders in connection with many others rushed in upon us with sticks and stones and broke up our virtuous little sabbath school at St. Michael's all calling themselves Christians humble followers of the Lord Jesus Christ I held my sabbath school at the house of a free colored man whose name I deem it imprudent to mention for should it be known it might embarrass him greatly though the crime of holding the school was committed 10 years ago I had at one time over 40 scholars and those of the right sort ardently desiring to learn they were of all ages though mostly men and women I look back to those Sundays with an amount of pleasure not to be expressed they were great days to my soul the work of instructing my dear fellow slaves with the sweetest engagement with which I was ever blessed we loved each other and to leave them at the close of the sabbath was a severe cross indeed when I think that these precious schools are today shut up in the prison house of slavery my feelings overcome me and I am almost ready to ask does a righteous God govern the universe and for what does he hold the thunders in his right hand if not to smite the oppressor and deliver the spoiled out of the hand of the spoiler these dear souls came not the sabbath school because it was popular to do so nor did I teach them because it was reputable to be thus engaged every moment they spent in that school they were liable to be taken up and giving 39 lashes they came because they wished to learn their minds had been starved by their cruel masters they were shut up in mental darkness I taught them because it was the delight of my soul to be doing something that looked like bettering the condition of my race I kept up my school nearly the whole year I lived with Mr. Freeland and beside my sabbath school I devoted three evenings in the week during the winter to teaching the slaves at home and I have the happiness to know that several of those who came to sabbath school learned how to read and that one at least the year passed off smoothly it seemed only about half as long as the year which preceded it I went through it without receiving a single blow I will give Mr. Freeland the credit of being the best master I ever had till I became my own master for the ease with which I passed the year I was however somewhat indebted to the society of my fellow slaves they were noble souls they were not only possessive loving hearts they were the most important ones we were linked and interlinked with each other I loved them with a love stronger than anything I have experienced since it is sometimes said that we slaves do not love and confide in each other in answer to this assertion I can say I never loved any or confided in any people more than my fellow slaves and especially those with whom I lived at Mr. Freeland's I believe we would have died for each other we never undertook to do anything of any importance without a mutual consultation we never moved separately we were one and as much so by our tempers and dispositions as by the mutual hardships to which we were necessarily subjected by our conditions as slaves at the close of the year 1834 Mr. Freeland again hired me of my master for the year of 1835 but by this time I began to want to live upon and I was no longer content therefore to live with him or any other slave holder I began with the commencement of the year to prepare myself for a final struggle which should decide my fate one way or the other my tendency was upward I was fast approaching manhood and year after year had passed and I was still a slave these thoughts roused me I must do something I therefore resolved that 1835 without witnessing an attempt on my part to secure my liberty but I was not willing to cherish this determination alone my fellow slaves were dear to me I was anxious to have them participate with me in this my life giving determination I therefore, though with great prudence commenced early to ascertain their views and feelings in regard to their condition and to imbue their minds with thoughts of freedom I bent myself to devising ways and means for our escape on all fitting occasions to impress them with the gross fraud and inhumanity of slavery I went first to Henry next to John then to the others I found in them all warm hearts and noble spirits they were ready to hear and ready to act when a feasible plan should be proposed this was what I wanted I talked to them of our want of manhood if we submitted to our enslavement without at least one noble effort and consulted frequently and told our hopes and fears recounted the difficulties real and imagined which we should be called on to meet at times we were almost disposed to give up and tried to content ourselves with our wretched lot at others we were firm and unbending in our determination to go whenever we suggested any plan there was shrinking the odds were fearful our path was beset with the greatest of it our right to be free was yet questionable we were yet liable to be returned to bondage we could see no spot this side of the ocean where we could be free we knew nothing about Canada our knowledge of the North did not extend farther than New York and to go there and be forever harassed with the frightful liability of being returned to slavery with the certainty of being treated tenfold worse than before it was easy to overcome the case sometimes stood thus at every gate through which we were to pass we saw a watchman at every ferry a guard on every bridge a sentinel and in every wood a patrol we were hemmed in upon every side here were the difficulties real or imagined the good to be sought and the evil to be shunned on the one hand there stood slavery a stern reality its robes already crimson with the blood of millions and even now feasting itself greedily upon our own flesh on the other hand a way back in the dim distance under the flickering light of the North Star behind some craggy hill or snow covered mountain stood a doubtful freedom half frozen beckoning us to come and share its hospitality this in itself was sometimes enough to stagger us but when we permitted ourselves to survey the road upon either side we saw a grim death assuming the most horrid shapes now it was starvation causing us to eat our own flesh now we were contending with the waves and were drowned now we were overtaken and torn to pieces by the fangs of the terrible bloodhound we were stung by scorpions chased by wild beasts beaten by snakes and finally after having nearly reached the desired spot we saw wild beasts sleeping in the woods suffering hunger and nakedness we were overtaken by our pursuers and in our resistance we were shot dead upon the spot I say this picture sometimes appalled us and made us rather bear those ills we had than fly to others that we knew not of in coming to a fixed determination to run away we did more than Patrick Henry when he resolved upon liberty or death with us it was a doubtful liberty at most and almost certain death if we failed for my part I should prefer death to a hopeless bondage Sandy one of our number gave up the notion but still encouraged us our company then consisted of Henry Harris John Harris Henry Bailey Charles Roberts and myself Henry Bailey was my uncle and belonged to my master he belonged to my master's father-in-law Mr. William Hamilton the plan we finally concluded upon was to get a large canoe belonging to Mr. Hamilton and upon the Saturday night previous to Easter holidays paddled directly up the Chesapeake Bay on our arrival at the head of the bay a distance of 70 or 80 miles from where we lived it was our purpose to turn our canoe adrift and follow the guidance of the North Star till we got beyond the limits of Maryland our reason for taking the water route was that we were less liable to be suspected as runaways we hoped to be regarded as fishermen whereas if we should take the land route we should be subjected to interruptions of almost every kind anyone having a white face and being so disposed could stop us and subject us to examination the week before our intended start I wrote several protections one for each of us as well as I can remember by following words to wit this is to certify that I the undersigned have given the bearer my servant full liberty to go to Baltimore and spend the Easter holidays written with my own hand etc 1835 William Hamilton near to St. Michaels in Talbot County, Maryland we were not going to Baltimore but in going up the bay we went toward Baltimore and ended to protect us well on the bay as the time drew near for our departure our anxiety became more and more intense it was truly a matter of life and death with us the strength of our determination was about to be fully tested at this time I was very active in explaining every difficulty removing every doubt dispelling every fear and inspiring all with the firmness indispensable to success in our undertaking remembering them that half was gained the instant we made the move we had talked long enough we were now ready to move if not now we never should be and if we did not intend to move now we had as well fold our arms sit down and acknowledge ourselves fit only to be slaves this none of us were prepared to acknowledge every man stood firm and at our last meeting we pledged ourselves afresh in the most solemn manner at the time appointed we would certainly start in pursuit of freedom this was in the middle of the week at the end of which we were to be off we went as usual to our several fields of labor but with bosoms highly agitated with thoughts of our truly hazardous undertaking we tried to conceal our feelings as much as possible and I think we succeeded very well after a painful waiting the Saturday morning whose night was to witness our departure came I hailed it with joy bringing what of sadness it might Friday night was a sleepless one for me I probably felt more anxious than the rest because I was by common consent at the head of the whole affair the responsibility of success or failure lay heavily upon me the glory of the one and the confusion of the other were alike mine the first two hours of that morning were such as I never experienced before and hope never to again early in the morning we went as usual to the field we were spreading manure and all at once while thus engaged I overwhelmed with an indescribable feeling in the fullness of which I turned to Sandy who was nearby and said we are betrayed well said he that thought has this moment struck me we said no more I was never more certain of anything the horn was blown as usual and we went up from the field to the house for breakfast I went for the form more than for want of anything to eat that morning just as I got to the house in looking out at the lane gate I saw four white men with two colored men the white men were on horseback and the colored ones were walking behind as if tied I watched them a few moments till they got up to our lane gate here they halted and tied the colored men to the gate posts I was not yet certain as to what the matter was in a few moments Mr. Hamilton with a speed betoken in great excitement he came to the door and inquired if Master William was in he was told he was at the barn Mr. Hamilton without dismounting rode up to the barn with extraordinary speed in a few moments he and Mr. Freeland returned to the house by this time the three constables rode up and in great haste dismounted tied their horses and met Master William and Mr. Hamilton returning from the barn and after talking a while he came to the kitchen door there was no one in the kitchen but myself and John Henry and Sandy were up at the barn Mr. Freeland put his head in at the door and called me by name saying there were some gentlemen at the door who wished to see me I stepped to the door and inquired what they wanted they at once seized me and without giving me any satisfaction tied me lashing my hands closely together I insisted upon knowing what the matter was a scrape and that I was to be examined before my master and if their information proved false I should not be hurt in a few moments they succeeded in tying John they then turned to Henry who had by this time returned and commanded him to cross his hands I won't said Henry in a firm tone indicating his readiness to meet the consequences of his refusal won't you said Tom Graham the constable won't said Henry in a still stronger tone with this two of the constables pulled out their shining pistols and swore by their creator that they would make him cross his hands or kill him each cocked his pistol and with fingers on the trigger walked up to Henry saying at the same time if he did not cross his hands they would blow his damned heart out shoot me shoot me said Henry you can't kill me but once he died this he said in a tone of loud defiance and at the same time with emotion as quick as lightning he with one single stroke dashed the pistols from the hand of each constable as he did this all hands fell upon him and after beating him some time they finally overpowered him and got him tied during the scuffle I managed I know not how to get my pass out and without being discovered put it into the fire and just as we were to leave her eastern jail Betsy Freeland mother of William Freeland came to the door with her hands full of biscuits and divided them between Henry and John she then delivered herself of a speech to the following effect addressing herself to me she said you devil you yellow devil it was you that put it into the heads of Henry and John to run away but for you you long-legged mulatto devil in no reply it was immediately hurried off towards St. Michael's just a moment previous to the scuffle with Henry Mr. Hamilton suggested the propriety of making a search for the protections which he had understood Frederick had written for himself and the rest but just at the moment he was about carrying his proposal into effect his aid was needing and helping to tie Henry and the excitement attending the scuffle caused them either to forget or to deem it unsafe under the circumstances to search so we were not yet convicted of the intention to run away when we got about halfway to St. Michael's while the constables having us in charge were looking ahead Henry inquired of me what he should do with his pass I told him to eat it with his biscuit and own nothing and we passed the word around own nothing and own nothing said we all our confidence in each other was unshaken we were resolved to succeed or fail together after the calamity had fallen us as much as before we were now prepared for anything we were to be dragged that morning 15 miles behind horses and then to be placed in the eastern jail when we reached St. Michael's we underwent a sort of examination we all denied that we ever intended to run away we did this more to bring out the evidence against us than from any hope of getting clear of being sold for as I have said we were ready for that the fact was we cared but little where we went so we went together our greatest concern was about separation we dreaded that more than anything this side of death we found the evidence against us to be the testimony of one person our master would not tell who it was but we came to a unanimous decision among ourselves as to who their informant was we were sent off to the jail at Easton when we got there we were sent up to the sheriff Mr. Joseph Graham and by him placed in jail Henry, John and myself were placed in one room together Charles and Henry Bailey in another their object in separating us was to hinder concert we had been in jail scarcely 20 minutes when a swarm of slave traders and agents for slave traders flocked into jail to look at us and to ascertain if we were for sale such a set of things I never saw before so many fiends from perdition a band of pirates never looked more like their father the devil they laughed and grinned over us saying ah my boys we have got you haven't we and after taunting us in various ways they one by one went into an examination of us with intent to ascertain our value they would impudently ask us if we would not like to have them for our masters we would make them no answer and leave them to find out as best they could and swear at us telling us that they could take the devil out of us in a very little while if we were only in their hands while in jail we found ourselves in much more comfortable quarters and we expected when we went there we did not get much to eat nor that which was very good but we had a good clean room from the windows of which we could see what was going on in the street which was very much better than though we had been placed in one of the dark rooms upon the whole we got along very well so far as the jail and its keeper were concerned immediately after the holidays were over contrary to all our expectations Mr. Hamilton and Mr. Freeland came up to Easton and took Charles, the two Henrys and John out of jail and carried them home leaving me alone I regarded this separation as a final one it caused me more pain than anything else in the whole transaction I suppose that they had consulted together and had decided that as I was the whole cause of the intention of the others to run away it was hard to make the innocent suffer with the guilty and that they had therefore concluded to take the others home and sell me as a warning to the others that remained it is due to the noble Henry to say he seemed almost as reluctant at leaving the prison as at leaving home to come to the prison but we knew we should in all probability be separated if we were sold and since he was in their hands he concluded to go peaceably home I was now left to my fate I was all alone and within the walls of a stone prison but a few days before and I was full of hope I expected to have been safe in the land of freedom but now I was covered with gloom sucked down to the utmost despair and the possibility of freedom was gone I was kept in this way about one week at the end of which kept an awl to my master to my surprise and utter astonishment came up and took me out with the intention of sending me with the gentleman of his acquaintance into Alabama but from some cause or other he did not send me to Alabama but concluded to send me back to Baltimore to live again with his brother Hugh and to learn a trade in one month I was once more permitted to return to my old home in Baltimore my master sent me away because there existed against me a very great prejudice in the community and he feared I might be killed and a few weeks after I went to Baltimore master Hugh hired me to Mr. William Gardner an extensive ship builder on Fells Point I was put there to learn how to caulk it however proved a very unfavorable place for the accomplishment of this object Mr. Gardner was engaged that spring in building two large men of warbriggs professed leave for the Mexican government the vessels were to be launched in the July of that year and in failure thereof Mr. Gardner was to lose a considerable sum so that when I entered all was hurry there was no time to learn anything every man had to do that which he knew how to do in entering the shipyard Mr. Gardner were to do whatever the carpenters commanded me to do this was placing me at the beck and call of about 75 men I was to regard all these as masters their word was to be my law my situation was a most trying one at times I needed a dozen pair of hands I was called a dozen ways in the space of a single minute three or four voices would strike my ear at the same moment it was Fred come help me to camp this timber here Fred come carry this timber yonder Fred bring that roller here Fred go get us fresh can of water Fred come help and saw the end of this timber Fred go quick and get the crowbar Fred hold on the end of this fall Fred go to the blacksmith's shop and get a new punch hurrah Fred run and bring me a cold chisel I say Fred bear a hand and get up a fire as quick as lightning under the steam box hello nigger come turn this grindstone come come move move and bows this timber forward I say darkie blast your eyes why don't you heat up some pitch hello hello hello three voices at the same time come here go there hold on where you are damn you if you move I'll knock your brains out this was my school for eight months and I might have remained there longer before a most horrid fight I had with four of the white apprentices in which my left eye was nearly knocked out and I was horribly mangled in other respects the facts in the case for these until a very little while after I went there white and black ship carpenters worked side by side and no one seemed to see any impropriety in it all hands seemed to be very well satisfied many of the black carpenters were freemen things seemed to be going on very well all at once the white carpenters knocked off and said they would not work with free colored north men their reason for this as alleged was that a free colored carpenters were encouraged they would soon take the trade into their own hands and poor white men would be thrown out of employment they therefore felt called upon at once to put a stop to it and taking advantage of Mr. Gardner's necessities they broke off swearing they would work no longer unless he would discharge his black carpenters now though this did not extend to me in form it did reach me in fact my fellow apprentices very soon began to feel it degrading to them to work with me they began to put on airs and talk about the niggers taking the country saying we all ought to be killed and being encouraged by the journeymen they commenced making my condition as hard as they could by hectoring me around and sometimes striking me I of course kept the vow I made after the fight with Mr. Covey and struck back again regardless of consequences and while I kept them from combining I succeeded very well for I could whip the whole of them taking them separately they however at length combined and came upon me armed with sticks, stones and heavy handed spikes one came in front with a half brick there was one at each side of me and one behind me while I was attending to those in front and on either side the one behind ran up with a hand spike and struck me a heavy blow upon the head it stunned me I fell and with this they all ran upon me and fell to beating me with their fists I let them lay on for a while, gathering strength in an instant I gave a sudden surge and rose to my hands and knees just as I did that one of their number gave me with his heavy boot a powerful kick in the left eye my eyeball seemed to have burst when they saw my eye closed and badly swollen they left me with this I seized the hand spike and for a time pursued them but here the carpenters interfered and I thought I might as well give it up it was impossible to stand my hand against so many all this took place in sight of not less than 50 white ship carpenters and not one interposed a friendly word but some cried kill the damned nigger kill him, kill him, he struck a white person I found my only chance for life was in flight I succeeded in getting away without an additional blow and barely so for to strike a white man is death by lynch law and that was the law in Mr. Gardner's shipyard nor is there much of any other out of Mr. Gardner's shipyard I went directly home and told the story of my wrong to Master Hugh and I am happy to say of him, irreligious as he was his contact was heavenly compared with that of his brother Thomas under similar circumstances he listened attentively to my narration of the circumstances leading to the savage outrage and gave many proofs of his strong indignation at it the heart of my once over kind mistress was again melted into pity my puffed out eye and blood covered face moved her to tears she took a chair by me washed the blood from my face and with a mother's tenderness bound up my head covering the wounded eye with a lean piece of fresh beef it was almost compensation for my suffering to witness once more a manifestation of kindness from this my once affectionate old mistress Master Hugh was very much enraged he gave expression to his feelings by pouring out curses upon the heads of those who did the deed as soon as I got a little the better of my bruises he took me with him to Esquire Watson's on Bond Street to see what could be done about the matter Mr. Watson inquired who saw the assault committed Master Hugh told him it was done in Mr. Gardner's shipyard at midday where there were a large company of minute work as to that he said the deed was done and there was no question as to who did it his answer was he could do nothing in the case unless some white man would come forward and testify he could issue no warrant on my word if I had been killed in the presence of a thousand colored people their testimony combined would have been insufficient to have arrested one of the murderers Master Hugh for once was compelled to say this state of things was too bad of course it was impossible to get any white man to volunteer his testimony on my behalf and against the white young men even those who may have sympathized with me were not prepared to do this it required a degree of courage unknown to them to do so it was just at that time the slightest manifestation of humanity towards a colored person was denounced as abolitionism and that name subjected its bearer to frightful liabilities the watchwords of the bloody minded in that region and in those days were damn the abolitionists and damn the niggers there was nothing done and probably nothing would have been done if I had been killed such was and such remains the state of things in the Christian city of Baltimore Master Hugh finding he could get in her redress refused to let me go back again to Mr. Gardner he kept me himself and his wife dressed my wound till I was again restored to health he then took me into the shipyard of which he was foreman in the employment of Mr. Walter Price there I was immediately set to caulking and very soon learned the art of using my mallet and irons in the course of one year from the time I left Mr. Gardner's I was able to command the highest wages given to the most experienced caulkers I was now of some importance to my master I was bringing him from six to seven dollars per week I sometimes brought him nine dollars per week my wages were a dollar and a half a day learning how to caulk I sought my own employment made my own contracts and collect the money which I earned my pathway became much more smooth than before my condition was now much more comfortable when I could get no caulking to do I did nothing during these leisure times those old notions about freedom would steal over me again when in Mr. Gardner's employment I was kept in such a perpetual world of excitement I could think of nothing scarcely but my life and in thinking of my life I almost forgot my liberty I have observed this in my experience of slavery that whenever my condition was improved instead of it's increasing my contentment it only increased my desire to be free and set me to thinking of plans to regain my freedom I have found that to make a contented slave it is necessary to make a thoughtless one it is necessary to darken his moral and mental vision and as far as is possible to annihilate the power of reason he must be able to detect no inconsistencies in slavery he must be made to feel that slavery is right and he can be brought to that only when he ceases to be a man I was now getting as I have told one dollar and fifty cents per day I contracted for it I earned it it was paid to me it was rightfully my own yet upon each returning Saturday night I was compelled to deliver every cent of that money to Master Hugh and why? not because he earned it not because he had any hand in earning it not because I owed it to him nor because he possessed the slightest shadow of a right to it but solely because he had the power to compel me to give it up the right of the grim visage pirate upon the high seas is exactly the same End of Chapter 10 this recording by Jeanette Ferguson on June 16th 2007 this is the LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org narrative of the life of Frederick Douglass written by Frederick Douglass Chapter 11 I now come to that part of my life during which I planned and finally succeeded in making my escape from slavery but before narrating any of the particular circumstances I deem it proper to make known my intention not to state all the facts connected with the transaction my reasons for pursuing this course may be understood from the following first, were I to give a minute statement of all the facts it is not only possible but quite probable that others would thereby be involved in the most embarrassing difficulties secondly, such a statement would most undoubtedly induce greater vigilance on the part of slaveholders than has existed here to fore among them which would, of course, be the means of guarding a door whereby some dear brother, Bonman, might escape his galling chains I deeply regret the necessity that entails me to suppress anything of importance connected with my experience in slavery it would afford me great pleasure indeed as well as materially add to the interest of my narrative were I at liberty to gratify a curiosity which I know exists in the minds of many by an accurate statement of all the facts pertaining to my most fortunate escape but I must deprive myself of this pleasure and the curious of the gratification which such a statement would afford I would allow myself to suffer under the greatest imputations which evil-minded men might suggest rather than exculpate myself and thereby run the hazard of closing the slightest avenue by which a brother-slave might clear himself of the chains and fetters of slavery I have never approved of the very public manner in which some of our western friends have conducted what they call the Underground Railroad but which, I think, by their open declarations has been made most emphatically the upper-ground railroad I honor those good men and women for their noble daring and applaud them for willingly subjecting themselves to bloody persecution by openly avowing their participation in the escape of slaves I, however, can see very little good resulting from such a course either to themselves or the slaves escaping while upon the other hand I see and feel assured that those open declarations are a positive evil to the slaves remaining who are seeking to escape they do nothing towards enlightening the slave whilst they do much towards enlightening the master they stimulate him to greater watchfulness and enhance his power to capture his slave we owe something to the slaves south of the line as well as to those north of it and in aiding the latter on their way to freedom we should be careful to do nothing which would be likely to hinder the former from escaping from slavery I would keep the merciless slave-holder profoundly ignorant of the means of flight adopted by the slave I would leave him to imagine himself surrounded by marriads of invisible tormentors ever ready to snatch from his infernal grasp his trembling prey let him be left to feel his way in the dark let darkness commensurate with his crime hover over him and let him feel that at every step he takes in pursuit of the flying bondman he is running the frightful risk of having his hot brains dash out by an invisible agency let us render the tyrant no aid let us not hold the light by which he can trace the footprints of our flying brother but enough of this I will now proceed to the statement of those facts connected with my escape for which I am alone responsible and for which no one can be made to suffer but myself in the early part of the year 1838 I became quite restless I could see no reason why I should at the end of each week pour the reward of my toil into the purse of my master when I carried to him my weekly wages he would after counting the money look me in the face with a robber-like fierceness and ask is this all? he was satisfied with nothing less than the last cent he would however when I made him six dollars sometimes give me six cents to encourage me it had the opposite effect I regarded it as a sort of admission of my right to the whole the fact that he gave me any part of my wages was proof to my mind that he believed me entitled to the whole of them I always felt worse for having received anything for I feared that the giving me a few cents would ease his conscience and make him feel himself to be a pretty honorable sort of robber my discontent grew upon me I was ever on the lookout for a means of escape and finding no direct means I determined to try to hire my time with a view of getting money with which to make my escape in the spring of 1838 when master Thomas came to Baltimore to purchase his spring goods I got an opportunity and applied to him to allow me to hire my time he unhesitatingly refused my request and told me this was another stratagem by which to escape he told me I could go nowhere but that he could get me and that in the event of my running away he should spare no pains in his efforts to catch me he exhorted me to content myself and be obedient he told me if I would be happy I must lay out no plans for the future he said if I behaved myself properly he would take care of me indeed he advised me to complete thoughtlessness of the future and taught me to depend solely upon him for happiness he seemed to see fully the pressing necessity of setting aside my intellectual nature in order to ensure contentment and slavery but in spite of him and even in spite of myself I continued to think and to think about the injustice of my enslavement and the means of escape about two months after this I applied to master Hugh for the privilege of hiring my time in fact that I had applied to master Thomas and had been refused he too at first seemed disposed to refuse but after some reflection he granted me the privilege and proposed the following terms I was to be allowed all my time make all the contracts with those for whom I worked and find my own employment and in return for this liberty I was to pay him three dollars at the end of each week find myself in caulking tools and board and clothing my board was two dollars and a half per week this with the wear and tear of clothing and caulking tools made my regular expenses about six dollars per week this amount I was compelled to make up or relinquish the privilege of hiring my time rain or shine work or no work at the end of each week the money must be forthcoming or I must give up my privilege or I will be perceived was decidedly in my master's favor it relieved him of all need of looking after me his money was sure he received all the benefits of slave holding without its evils while I endured all the evils of a slave and suffered all the care and anxiety of a free man I found it a hard bargain but hard as it was I thought it better than the old mode of getting along it was a step towards freedom to be allowed to bear the responsibilities of a free man to hold on upon it I bent myself to the work of making money I was ready to work at night as well as day and by the most untiring perseverance and industry I made enough to meet my expenses and lay up a little money every week I went on thus from May to August Master Hugh then refused to allow me to hire my time longer the ground for his refusal was a failure on my part one Saturday night to pay him for my weeks time this failure was occasioned by my attending a camp meeting about ten miles from Baltimore during the week I had entered into an engagement with a number of young friends to start from Baltimore to the campground early Saturday evening and being detained by my employer I was unable to get down to Master Hugh's without disappointing the company I knew that Master Hugh was in no special need of the money that night I therefore decided to go to camp meeting and upon my return pay him the three dollars I stayed at the camp meeting one day longer than I intended when I left but as soon as I returned I called upon him to pay him what he considered his due I found him very angry he could scarce restrain his wrath he said he had a great mind to give me a severe whipping he wished to know how I dared to go out of the city without asking his permission I told him I hired my time and while I paid him the price which he asked for it I did not know that I was bound to ask him when and where I should go his reply troubled him and after reflecting a few moments he turned to me and said I should hire my time no longer that the next thing he should know of I would be running away upon the same plea he told me to bring my tools and clothing home forthwith I did so but instead of seeking work as I had been accustomed to do previously to hiring my time I spent the whole week without the performance of a single stroke of work I did this in retaliation Saturday night he called upon me as usual for my week's wages I told him I had no wages I had done no work that week here we were upon the point of coming to blows he raved and swore his determination to get hold of me I did not allow myself a single word but was resolved if he laid the weight of his hand upon me it should be blow for blow he did not strike me but told me that he would find me in constant employment in future I thought the matter over during the next day, Sunday and finally resolved upon the third day of September as the day upon which I would make a second attempt to secure my freedom I now had three weeks during which to prepare for my journey Early on Monday morning before Master Hugh had time to make any engagement for me I went out and got employment of Mr. Butler at his shipyard near the drawbridge upon what is called the city block thus making it unnecessary for him to seek employment for me at the end of the week I brought him eight and nine dollars he seemed very well pleased and asked me why I did not do the same the week before he little knew what my plans were my object in working steadily was to remove any suspicion he might entertain of my intent to run away and in this I succeeded admirably I suppose he thought I was never better satisfied with my condition than at the very time during which I was planning my escape the second week passed and again I carried him my full wages and so well pleased to see that he gave me twenty five cents quite a large sum for a slave holder to give a slave and bade me to make good use of it I told him I would things went on without very smoothly indeed but within there was trouble it is impossible for me to describe my feelings as the time of my contemplated start drew near I had a number of warm hearted friends in Baltimore that I loved almost as I did my life and the thought of being separated from them forever was painful beyond expression it is my opinion that thousands would escape from slavery who now remain but for the strong cords of affection that bind them to their friends the thought of leaving my friends was decidedly the most painful thought with which I had to contend the love of them was my tender point and shook my decision more than all things else besides the pain of separation an apprehension of a failure exceeded what I had experienced at my first attempt the appalling defeat I then sustained returned to torment me I felt assured that if I failed in this attempt my case would be a hopeless one it would seal my fate as a slave forever I could not hope to get off with anything less than this severest punishment and being placed beyond the means of escape it required no very vivid imagination to depict the most frightful scenes which I should have to pass in case I failed the wretchedness of slavery and the blessedness of freedom were perpetually before me it was life and death with me but I remained firm and according to my resolution on the third day of September 1838 I left my chains and succeeded in reaching New York without the slightest interruption of any kind how I did so what means I adopted what direction I traveled and by what mode of conveyance I must leave unexplained for the reasons before mentioned I have been frequently asked how I felt when I found myself in a free state I have never been able to answer the question with any satisfaction to myself it was a moment of the highest excitement I ever experienced I suppose I felt as one may imagine the unarmed mariner to feel when he is rescued by a friendly man of war from the pursuit of a pirate in writing to a dear friend immediately after my arrival at New York I said I felt like one who had escaped a den of hungry lions this state of mind however very soon subsided and I was again seized with a feeling of great insecurity and loneliness I was yet liable to be taken back and subjected to all the tortures of slavery this in itself was enough to damp the ardor of my enthusiasm but the loneliness overcame me there I was in the midst of thousands and yet a perfect stranger without home and without friends in the midst of thousands of my own brethren children of a common father and yet I dared not to unfold to any one of them my sad condition I was afraid to speak to anyone for fear of speaking to the wrong one and thereby falling into the hands of money loving kidnappers whose business it was to lie and wait for the panting fugitive as a ferocious beast of the forest lie and wait for their prey the motto which I adopted when I started from slavery was this trust no man I saw in every white man an enemy and in almost every colored man caused for distrust it was a most painful situation and to understand it one must needs experience it or imagine himself in similar circumstances let him be a fugitive slave in a strange land a land given up to be the hunting ground for slaveholders whose inhabitants are legalized kidnappers where he is every moment subjected to the terrible liability of being seized upon by his fellow men as the hideous crocodile seizes upon his prey I say let him play himself in my situation without home or friends without money or credit wanting shelter and no one to give it and no money to buy it and at the same time let him feel that he is pursued by merciless men hunters and in total darkness as to what to do where to go or where to stay perfectly helpless both as to the means of defense and means of escape in the midst of plenty yet suffering the terrible knowings of hunger in the midst of houses yet having no home among fellow men yet feeling as if in the midst of wild beasts whose greediness to swallow up the trembling and half famished fugitive is only equaled by that with which the monsters of the deep swallow up the helpless fish upon which they subsist I say let him be placed in this most trying situation the situation in which I was placed then and not till then will he fully appreciate the hardships of and know how to sympathize with the toil worn and whipped scarred fugitive slave thank heaven I remain but a short time in this distressed situation I was relieved from it by the humane hand of Mr. David Ruggles whose vigilance, kindness and perseverance I shall never forget I am glad of an opportunity to express as far as words can the love and gratitude I bear him Mr. Ruggles is now afflicted with blindness and is himself in need of the same kind offices which he was once so forward in the performance toward others I had been in New York but a few days when Mr. Ruggles sought me out and very kindly took me to his boarding house at the corner of church and Lisburnd streets Mr. Ruggles was then very deeply engaged in the memorable dark case as well as attending to a number of other fugitive slaves devising ways and means for their successful escape and though watched and hemmed in on almost every side he seemed to be more than a match for his enemies very soon after I went to Mr. Ruggles he wished to know of me where I wanted to go as he deemed it unsafe for me to remain in New York I told him I was a cocker and should like to go where I could get work I thought of going to Canada but he decided against it and in favor of my going to New Bedford thinking I should be able to get work there at my trade at this time Anna she was free and my wife came on for I wrote to her immediately after my arrival in New York notwithstanding my homeless houseless and helpless condition informing her of my successful flight and wishing her to come on forthwith in a few days after her arrival Mr. Ruggles called in the reverend J. W. C. Pennington who in the presence of Mr. Ruggles Mrs. Michaels and two or three others performed the marriage ceremony and gave us a certificate of which the following is an exact copy this may certify that I joined together in Holy Matrimony Frederick Johnson and Anna Murray as man and wife in the presence of Mr. David Ruggles and Mrs. Michaels James W. C. Pennington New York September 15th 1838 I changed my name from Frederick Bailey to that of Johnson upon receiving this certificate and a $5 bill from Mr. Ruggles I shouldered one part of our baggage and Anna took up the other and we set out forthwith to take passage on board of the Seamboat John W. Richmond for Newport on our way to New Bedford Mr. Ruggles gave me a letter to a Mr. Shaw in Newport and told me in case my money did not serve me to New Bedford to stop in Newport and obtain further assistance but upon our arrival at Newport that notwithstanding we lacked the necessary money to pay our fare we decided to take seats in the stage and promised to pay when we got to New Bedford we were encouraged to do this by two excellent gentlemen residents of New Bedford whose names I afterward ascertain to be Joseph Rickitson and William C. Tabor they seemed at once to understand our circumstances and gave us such assurance of their friendliness that it was such friends and at such a time upon reaching New Bedford we were directed to the house of Mr. Nathan Johnson by whom we were kindly received and hospitably provided for both Mr. and Mrs. Johnson took a deep and lively interest in our welfare they proved themselves quite worthy of the name of abolitionists when the stage driver found us unable to pay our fare he held on upon our baggage Mr. Johnson and he forthwith advanced the money we now began to feel a degree of safety and to prepare ourselves for the duties and responsibilities of a life of freedom on the morning after our arrival at New Bedford while at the breakfast table the question arose as to what name I should be called by the name given me by my mother was Frederick Augustus Washington Bailey I however had dispensed with the two middle names Frederick Bailey I started from Baltimore bearing the name of Stanley when I got to New York I again changed my name to Frederick Johnson and thought that it would be the last change but when I got to New Bedford I found it necessary again to change my name the reason of this necessity was that there were so many Johnson's in New Bedford it was already quite difficult to distinguish between them I gave Mr. Johnson the privilege of choosing me a name to present to that to preserve a sense of my identity Mr. Johnson had just been reading the Lady of the Lake and it once suggested that my name be Douglas from that time until now I have been called Frederick Douglas and as I am more widely known by that name by then either of the others I shall continue to use it as my own I was quite disappointed at the general appearance of things in New Bedford the impression which I hadn't received from the people of the north I found to be singularly erroneous I had very strangely supposed while in slavery that few of the comforts and scarcely any of the luxuries of life were enjoyed at the north compared with what were enjoyed by the slave holders of the south I probably came to this conclusion from the fact that northern people own no slaves I suppose that they were about upon a level with the non-slave holding population of the south and their poverty as a necessary consequence of their being non-slave holders I had somehow imbibed the opinion that in the absence of slaves there could be no wealth and very little refinement and upon coming to the north I expected to meet with a rough, hard-handed and uncultivated population living in the most spartan-like simplicity knowing nothing of the ease, luxury, pomp, and grandeur of southern slave holders such being my conjectures painted with the appearance of New Bedford may very readily infer how palpably I must have seen myest mistake In the afternoon of the day when I reached New Bedford I visited the wharves to take a view of the shipping Here I found myself surrounded with the strongest proofs of wealth Lying at the wharves and riding in the stream I saw many ships of the finest model in the best order and of the largest size of the widest dimensions stowed to their utmost capacity with the necessaries and comforts of life Added to this almost everybody seemed to be at work but noiselessly so compared with what I had been accustomed to in Baltimore There were no loud songs heard from those engaged in loading and unloading ships I heard no deep oaths or horrid curses on the laborer I saw no whipping of men but all seemed to go smoothly on and went at it with a sober yet cheerful earnestness which betook in the deep interest which he felt in what he was doing as well as a sense of his own dignity as a man To me this looked exceedingly strange From the wharves I strolled around and over the town gazing with wonder and admiration at the splendid churches beautiful dwellings and finely cultivated gardens inventing an amount of wealth, comfort, taste and refinement of Maryland Everything looked clean, new and beautiful I saw few or no dilapidated houses with poverty-stricken inmates no half-naked children and barefooted women such as I had been accustomed to see in Hillsborough, Easton, St. Michael's and Baltimore The people looked more able, stronger healthier and happier than those of Maryland I was for once made glad by a view of extreme wealth without being saddened Most astonishing as well as the most interesting thing to me was the condition of the colored people a great many of whom, like myself had escaped thither as a refugee from the hunters of men I found many who had not been seven years out of their chains living in finer houses and evidently enjoying more of the comforts of life than the average of slaveholders in Maryland I will venture to assert that my friend Mr. Nathan Johnson of whom I can say with a grateful heart I was hungry and he gave me meat I was thirsty and he gave me drink I was a stranger and he took me in lived in a neater house dined at a better table took, paid for, and read more newspapers better understood the moral, religious, and political character of the nation the nine-tenths of the slaveholders in Talbot County, Maryland Yet Mr. Johnson was a working man His hands were hardened by toil and not his alone but also of Mrs. Johnson I found the colored people much more spirited than I had supposed they would be I found among them a determination to protect each other from the blood-thirsty kidnapper at all hazards Soon after my arrival I was told of a circumstance which illustrated their spirit a colored man and a fugitive slave were on unfriendly terms The former was heard to threaten the latter with informing his master of his whereabouts Straight away a meeting was called by the young men under the stereotyped notice business of importance The betrayer was invited to attend the people came at the appointed hour and organized the meeting by appointing a very religious old gentleman as president who, I believe, made a prayer after which he addressed the meeting as follows Friends, we have got him here and I would recommend that you young men just take him outside the door and kill him With this a number of them bolted at him and ended them themselves and the betrayer escaped their vengeance and has not been seen in New Bedford since I believe there have been no more such threats and should there be hereafter I doubt not that death would be the consequence I found employment the third day after my arrival in stowing a sloop with a load of oil It was new, dirty, and hard work for me but I went at it with a glad heart and a willing hand I was now my own master It was a happy moment and I can be understood only by those who have been slaves It was the first work the reward of which was to be entirely my own There was no master Hugh standing ready the moment I earned the money to rob me of it I worked that day with a pleasure I had never before experienced I was at work for myself and a newly married wife It was to me the starting point of a new existence When I got through with that job I had no intention of talking but such was the strength of prejudice against color among the white caulkers that they refused to work with me and of course I could get no employment I am told that color persons can now get employment at caulking in New Bedford as a result of anti-slavery effort Finding my trade of no immediate benefit I threw off my caulking habit limits and prepared myself to do any kind of work I could get to do Mr. Johnson kindly let me have his wood horse and saw and I very soon found myself plenty of work There was no work too hard none too dirty I was ready to saw wood, shovel coal carry the hod sweep the chimney or roll oil casks all of which I did for nearly three years in New Bedford before I became known to the anti-slavery world In about four months after I went to New Bedford there came a young man to me and inquired if I did not wish to take the liberator I told him I did but having just made my escape from slavery I remarked that I was unable to pay for it then I however finally became a subscriber to it the paper came and I read it from week to week with such feelings as it would be quite idle for me to attempt to describe the paper became my meat and my drink my soul was set all on fire its sympathy for my brethren and bonds its scathing denunciations of slaveholders its faithful exposures of slavery and its powerful attacks upon the upholders of the institution sent a thrill of joy through my soul such as I have never felt before I had not long been the reader of the liberator before I got a pretty correct idea of the principles, measures, and spirit of the anti-slavery reform I took a right hold of the cause I could do but little but what I could I did with a joyful heart and never felt happier than when I attended an anti-slavery meeting I seldom had much to say at the meetings because what I wanted to say was said so much better by others but while attending an anti-slavery convention at Nantucket on the 11th of August 1841 I felt strongly moved to speak and was at the same time much urged to do so by Mr. William C. Coffin a gentleman who had heard me speak in the Colored Peoples Meeting at New Bedford it was a severe cross that I felt reluctantly the truth was I felt myself a slave and the idea of speaking to white people weighed me down I spoke but a few moments when I felt a degree of freedom and said what I desired with a considerable ease from that time until now I have been engaged in pleading the cause of my brethren with what success and with what devotion I leave those acquainted with my labors to decide End of Chapter 11