 when the narcissist plays the victim. They will blame you for their problems or issues even though you may not be responsible. They will ignore their own part in the situation. They will ignore any faults or mistakes that they have made. They will refuse to take notice of that. They will disregard it intentionally although it may be a very significant part of the problem. They do this because they are looking for attention. They are looking for someone to attend to their needs. They are looking for someone to regard them as something of interest or importance even though they are not the victim in the situation. They may have a problem but most often the problem is the result of something that they have done. They tend to focus on the effects or consequences of things that they have done rather than what caused them. If you look at the root cause of the problem it always comes from them. It always goes back to something that they have caused but they cannot acknowledge it. They cannot acknowledge what they have done because that would mean that they are at fault. That would mean that they are the problem and it would not only cause them to accept the current problem in the situation but it would also open the floodgates to everything else that they have done in the past. Things that they never acknowledged where they always shifted the blame onto someone else. If they were to accept that they are the problem in this situation it would trigger them to reflect on all the other times they deny doing something. All of the other times that they blame someone else for something that they did wrong. It causes them to feel very ashamed of themselves. Not only do they feel that what they did was wrong they also feel that they are a bad person. They use victim playing as a coping strategy as a way of coping with a stressful or unpleasant situation. They believe that by playing the victim all of their problems will disappear and sometimes it works. Sometimes people get blamed for things that they didn't do and the narcissist who is the abuser gets away with what they have done. They can be very convincing. They are masters at constructing false characters for specific situations to get their needs met. They have been doing this the whole lives even when they were children. They were developing strategies to manipulate their parents. What you're seeing now is a result of years and years of practice. They are masters of manipulation. They are masters of playing the victim. The narcissist will play the victim as a way of justifying the abuse, as a way of showing the abuse to be right or reasonable. By justifying it they are able to dodge the responsibility of their actions. When someone refuses to accept responsibility that is a clear sign that you are dealing with a toxic person and it is a clear sign that they have no intentions of changing how they behave. A person cannot change their behaviour without first holding themselves accountable for how they have behaved. The narcissist does everything they can to avoid any responsibility for their actions and that is why it is so difficult for them to change. Instead of acknowledging what they have done wrong they will ignore it. They will ignore anything that you have to say about their behaviour and instead they will focus on your faults and mistakes where they are real or imagined. They cannot accept that they are responsible for a fault or wrong. It's too painful for them to deal with. They don't just feel guilty for what they have done. They feel shameful like they are inherently bad. So as a coping and defence mechanism they do everything they can to avoid reflecting on these feelings which is what makes it impossible for them to change. They live in denial. They live in an alternate reality where everyone is out to get them. Where everyone is trying to do them wrong they can be very paranoid and hyper-vigilant. They can be unreasonably obsessively anxious, suspicious and mistrustful. They are always on edge expecting someone to do wrong to them. They invent these scenarios in their head as a way of coping with a situation and they actually believe that it's real. They really believe that you are out to get them and they can never do anything to change the situation that they are in because they believe that they are powerless. They believe that they are lacking ability, influence or power. They will give you plenty of reasons why they cannot do something. They can list everything that is wrong but they never have any solutions. And if you present any solutions to them they will find a problem with that too. They don't even want a resolution. They don't want a mutual understanding. They are comfortable in these situations because it gives them the opportunity to play up the narrative that is going on in their heads. It gives them the opportunity to project their fear, shame and insecurities onto other people because deep down they know what they've done wrong. They know that they are at fault but they cannot acknowledge it because to them it would mean that they're inherently bad. It would mean that they're defective and that's just something that they cannot accept. That's something that they cannot deal with. Although it is the very thing that if it was dealt with you would be witnessing the early stages of their recovery from narcissism. They never let things go. You could have done something years ago and they will never forget it. Meanwhile they might have done something to you just yesterday and they will expect you to just forget about it like it never happened. They have double standards. They expect a certain standard from you which they cannot achieve for themselves. If you mention any of their faults and mistakes things that have hurt you, things that have caused problems for you they will not acknowledge it. They will ignore it and just bring up things that you have done even things that might be completely irrelevant. From years ago they have to do whatever they can to deflect their feelings of fear, shame and insecurity. They are trying to survive emotionally when they are being questioned or confronted they're under a lot of pressure so they have to do whatever they can to relieve the tension and the only way that they know how to do this is to deny that their faults exist. To shift the blame onto you it doesn't matter how much evidence you have it doesn't matter what you tell them they are never going to accept that they are at fault they are never going to accept that they are the problem. They will gaslight you into doubting your own memory, perception and sanity until you just give in and accept the blame for something you haven't even done or you will just stop confronting them on their behaviour. It forces you to become an enabler of their abuse and they will continue to abuse you while playing the victim. If you don't do everything that the way that they want at some point there is going to be a problem they are self-absorbed and lack empathy they only care about their own interests and needs and if you're not constantly focused on that at some point it's going to cause a narcissistic injury which is followed by narcissistic rage they will verbally abuse you they will call you some of the most hurtful things you could ever imagine they will damage your property, steal things from you and they may even physically assault you while still claiming that you are abusing them and in some situations they will even contact the authorities following their abuse towards you claiming that you were the one who abused them it's crazy making these individuals live in denial of reality they just can't accept the truth that they are at fault so they push and provoke you to react and try to force you into a situation where you do become the aggressor just so they can then play the victim just so they can then play up the narrative that is going on in their minds that you are out to get them that you are trying to do them wrong they use people and things to try and make it a reality just so they don't have to feel like they are at fault they are very dangerous they will put you at risk of danger or harm while having no care or concern for you while still playing the victim and acting as though you are trying to do something to them there is no way to resolve these situations because they are in denial and they are doing everything they can to avoid taking responsibility for their actions when that is the only way that things will ever change if someone refuses to hold themselves accountable for their actions they are not healthy they are not safe to be around and you should avoid any contact with them some of them know exactly what they are doing while others may have a limited awareness of their behaviour either way they are still a danger to you and even after they have abused you verbally and physically damage your property and cause all sorts of problems for you they will still continue to portray you as the abuser they will try to enforce flying monkeys and start a smear campaign they want people to validate their delusional reality so that it becomes more real for them they don't care about how it affects you all they care about is themselves and that is why they play the victim because they are constantly at need they need people to attend to them they need people to validate their delusional reality and unless you are doing that they are not going to want to hear it they only listen to things that validate the delusional reality in their heads thank you for watching I hope this video resonated with you please like, comment, share and subscribe click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos if you are like to donate my paypal link is in the video description coaching and cries if you need more meet at nagsfevercoaching at gmail.com thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon