 Hello and welcome back to Doctor Who The Adventure Games, this time with steaks. Last time I died, countless times, in fact many more times than you saw. I felt embarrassed to leave me alone. So far, blood of the Cybermen, I'm upping the ante and every time I die, I'm taking a swig of this. Then this cocktail is egg, GBK burger sauce, ketchup, about 10 spoonfuls of sugar and then just watered down. This is real, I don't want to do this but I thought it'd be funny. So every time I die, that's what I get. Let's do this. Three, two, one, play! In I run. That was clearly just a 2D texture, you can't fool me, video gamers. High five. GSO, I wonder what that stands for. Global suck off. Chisholm. Be careful Chisholm, whatever that is, it's been buried in this ice for millennia. I wonder who this mysterious figure is. Chisholm! Look out! Oh! Well he's dead, I wonder what he found anyway. A salurian! I've brought my friend along with me. This is Cyber Steve, say hi Cyber Steve. Hi Toro. No don't say that, sorry he's problematic. He could never get his fingers around G-Shop. I promise I didn't do mocap for this. Here we go, here we go. So this is where Chisholm fell so we've got to find him immediately. Where are we? Amy put some trousers on. We're wearing heels here. I mean you're not are you? Those are boots. You're both wearing boots. Didn't you listen to anything I just said? No. I'm a real asshole in this game aren't I? Okay look at, yes we know all this, we know all this. Okay, hello Amy. Good to see you again. Ah! And here we go, straight away. They don't really hide these do they? Okay, so we know this could be anything. I believe it's going to be a Cyber Man. It's blood of the Cyber Man, it has to be the Sonturans. Sorry buddy, it's not you. These potato-y boys, their weakness is the probic vent on the back of their necks. Do you reckon they ever just sort of like go to pat each other on the back after a war? Like good job and then it's just like... Ah! Ah there he is, hello Chisholm! He's dead, I'm waving it to dead body. I wonder what happened to the ride, well yes it's a mystery what happened to the rider. Parkour! Eyes front Doctor. Eyes front. Please don't fall to your death. I stole that for the adventure games audio adaptation but I tweaked it to make it better. I'm not saying I'm better than Phil Ford, but I'm not saying that. Geronimo! My legs are fine. A bit of rope? Is it made of Darlacadium? Or Cyberadium? You tell me, Cyber Steve, what's it made of? It's just a rope, you idiot. Fair enough. Amy, can you tie this rope to something please? Oh my god, my performance! I actually raised my voice! Sure! Oh I'm playing as Amy! Oh how exciting. Okay, here's the rope. Don't worry Doctor, I'll door what he talked on, I'll help you! That's my Amy Pond. If Kazza could hear me, she'd punch me, let's be honest. Come here you. Let's use the sat-nav on you. That might do more harm than good. Was it expecting me just to take the sat-nav and just start absolutely wailing? Take her right! And left! Third exit! Because I would, I am a maniac on the floor. What about the mess caddy? Oh of course, it's empty! I didn't like that sound effect, it sounded like a whittle piddle. I think the water up with the sonic screwdriver, yes good. I could have done that, I didn't need that done in a cut scene. Does that work? How did that work? Boiling hot water, I'll just burn your face. Here you go, get some warmth into you. That was creepy, get some warmth into you. All he got was a sprained ankle. That's impressive. He's got more plot armor than me. I'm doing fine, thanks. Oh good, I didn't ask. Okay, get ready. Up we go! What's the opposite of Geronimo? Geronimo's more of a falling. Erotic Edge! The skid who did the trick after all. He made a hole. I won't be able to climb anything. It's only a sprained ankle, you've got another one. Alright well, let's go the way of the skid doom. Thanks. Oh shut it you. Oh, a fun fact about skidoos. I'm not having fun. Oh, it's another one! Anyway! Okay, I think this is going to be a doctor. I think it's going to be Patrick Trout. Even better than Sarah Jane! Oh my sweet Sarah Jane. Rest in peace, absolute legend. I've not got a joke there. Legend. As opposed to Legend of the Sea Devils. He's a rotten hole. With a sprained ankle, he's not going to make that two inch gap. He'd probably just key loaf. Where am I going? I mean, I'm having a jolly good time. Wee! Edge and up! Amy! I want to go that way. Sonch is home, I've got a collectible to get. It's forcing me. Well as Matt Smith, I could say that I would leave any man behind to get a flashing logo. Like if I just saw this in the snow, what do you think I'm going to pass that up? There you go. You happy? Happy Chisholm. Gosh. Right, now could I get my collectible? Well I made a promise. And I'm not happy about it. As a reminder, egg, ten heaps of sugar, ketchup and GBK sauce all watered down. It smells spicy. I've genuinely got to hold my nose. Oh dear, there's a lot of nose to hold. Much like with Arthur. Okay. Three. Two. One. No, no, sorry. That wasn't enough. That wasn't enough. I took a sip. All right, I got to take a proper gulp. Stop being a goddamn pussy. It's so sugary, I really overdid it with the sugar. Oh that's disgusting. Oh, Cyber Steve. Before I continue, give me some words of encouragement. Every time you die and take another sip, I grow stronger. Yeah, that'll do. I really don't want to die again. Oh, she's just a card, sorry. A time traveling archaeologist River Song has met the Doctor several times and it would seem they have had many adventures together. Of course, this was back when we didn't really know who she was. I'll tell you who she is. Mine. Thought I was going to say something dirtier there, didn't you? No, not me, not the Doctor. God, I don't want to fall again. Jump! Ha! It's more of a lunge. Let me take a wild step. Do I have to... Sat down a bit! Sat down a bit! North! No, it needs something hot. All right, well apparently I can melt ice with my sonic, so here we go. Now I'll give it a push. Ready, all together now! Yeah! And he's shattered that. God, I'm strong. I'm like the Hulk. I can't go back there. Okay, chill. Wait a minute. I repaired the great plexium generators of fraud. I got the ionic flux engines of the Dragador Imperial flagship running with an old chewing gum wrapper and a mousetrap. Listen, me. I don't think you did any of those things. I think you're lying, so you can get in Pond's pants. Oh, do we actually get to go in the TARDIS this time? Oh, for God's sake, it's another one of these! At least I can't die on this. Actually, if I lose this. No, I don't think you can lose this. Okay, good. Because technically losing counts. Like, you know when I did the little moving around puzzle in the maze? That will count. If I lose that, then I also have to take a swig. Fast forward this. Don't, don't, don't, don't. Right. Oh, look, it's you! Cyber Steve, it's you, your cameo! You've got a different logo than usual. Everyone looks good metal. Oh, no, it's an eel! That's disgusting. Ah, the giant metal boob. Oh, you don't need hints from you, Amy. You are rubbish. We've learnt that. Oh, look at the pretty snow, though. You don't say. Maybe we'll find more collectibles. Quick! Run! Skiddle! Quickly! Up the ramp. No, can't go. That'll be silly. Can't go up there. Yeah! That was quick! Okay, I think this is going to be Jonathan Petwee. I was so close! His fondness for jelly babies is well known. And he seldom seen without his incredibly long scarf. He had a long number of companions, including K9, the loyal robot dog. You never fucking know the answer, but it's important. Oh, some pipes. That's probably for oxygen, water or piss. Turn wheel to release pressure manually. Well, I don't need to do that. What do we got here? A steam vent and a valve control. Ooh, valve! We can control steam. We can finally get Half-Life 3 out. So this is where Chisholm went. Chisholm, are you in there, buddy? Hello, baby cakes. Chisholm. Go away. You can't help me now. Okay. Who's in charge? It's a blonde lady from the beginning, I bet. Elizabeth Meadows. That's her. Okay, well, I don't think there's anything else useful. Oh, we can go. Should we just go back in the TARDIS? No, but I want to leave, though. I want to leave. I want to leave. No, I just want to leave. Oh, fine. Whatever. Let's go in the GSO base. Giant suck-off base. Hello! Elizabeth Meadows! Anybody home? Hello! And who are you then? That's a nice name. I better not die here. I don't want to die. Oh, I took the thing with me. All right. Okay. Cyber Steve, how do we battle you? How do we take him down? Do I got to just twat him on the head? What do I do? Oh, I got something there. Ah! So it's not hitting it over the head. Why did I do this to myself? The egg's really settled in. It looks like plastic. We're not battling the autons. We are slurping the autons, though. Oh, it stinks. It's so smelling. I shouldn't have had the GBK sauce, but the burger sauce is good. GBK burger's the best. Spon. Oh, piss. I promise I'm not playing it up for the camera. I'm truly nearly gang every time. Okay, Cyber Steve. You think this is a game? It is. Yeah, okay. Fair enough. Oh, the steam vents! Okay. Yes, right. Okay, turn the valve. Quick, quick, quick. Come on, pond. Use those big Scottish arms. It's coming! Quick! All right. Come on, dogs. Run past. All right. Got to time this right. Go, go, go, go. Turn it! Turn it! Yes! Suck my clit! All right. Well, now we can go in the base at the very least. So, here we go. Let's find Elizabeth Madoves. Oh, that's right. I need a key card. Oh, he's probably got one. What was it? Alan Watts. Alan! Alan! I forgot I had it in my inventory. Oops. How about if I use the other one, Amy? Hey, Amy, come here. Let me do that. No. Yeah, let me swipe you with the... No, that's dirty. I'll leave that to Rory. Kaz, sorry that I swiped you with a key card in the video game. Is that how you put in a key card? You just... Here we go. It's a cardboard box. What's in the box? I can be solid snake. Watch out, Amy. Watch out, Amy. Now, be honest. If you walked into the room and you saw someone doing this... You'd just leave. Ah! Ah! My headphones keep getting stuck in the chair. Ow! Ah, you see, I am strong. It was like when I moved that boulder, the ice boulder. All right, Amy, any bit of advice? Maybe there are more survivors than just... Keep your voice down! Oh, what's... Oh, no. It's a matte cyber. Spiders. Might rather we change the subject. Yeah, I died once to them. Not fun. Multinational scientific project at a real brainy bunch. I don't think it said brainy bunch. If it did, respect. Oh, so I want to do meadows as well. Well, depending on how pretty she is. You know me, Matt Smith, the 11th Doctor. The weirdly horniest. Oh, it's her daughter's birthday. Tomorrow. Oh, that's sweet, isn't it? The 5th of May. Gonna keep that banked. Oh, look! No! Nearly missed it. Right by the fire extinguisher. That's a hazard. I think it's going to be... the master. Meadows! That's what we're looking for. See, I had it banked already. You don't have to tell me. Oh, and I didn't even get to put it in myself. Who were? Many visitors up here, do you? Your arm is broken. He's all right. The Doctor will be dead. Suspicious. What happened to your arm? I fell and hurt it running away from those things. Oh, I don't believe that for a second. How do you know they bite, Meadows? How do you know? If you were bit yourself. Why don't you look like you're about to shoot Pond? Put it down! Don't shoot! You know I like my collectibles. Come on, Pond. Sorry, come along, Pond. If I can get it to emit the same frequency pulse as the Sonic screwdriver, but stronger... You just get the things. You get your Sonic and then just... Done. Does that count? God's sake, okay, you don't... Okay, Doctor. Oh, come on, is that not it? I don't like that puzzle. Oh, look, it's Paulus McGannus! Can't wait to see how they describe him. He was a versatile character, equally happy to be zooming through San Francisco on a motorbike or listening to relaxing classical music. He was good friends with Grace Holloway and enjoyed regaling her with tales about famous people he'd met. Yep, that's all Paul McGannus does. Oh, hang on. There was a Cyberman down there. Oh, I don't like that he's moved. We need to find a way into the ventilation system. Yep, thanks, Pond, working on it. Oh, hello, oh, nearly missed him. See, this is why you've got to look everywhere. I've got eyes like an eagle. Oh, and there you are, Cyber Steve. Cybermen. You're awful. It'd be nice if these collectibles actually did something like I could put them on Michelle for something. She did the TARDIS, nice little room. Oh, there's another one. Guess the last one, I think this is going to be a panion of some description. Rose Tyler, perhaps. Oh, I heard some Cyberman noises coming from that vent. Can you hear that? The Cybermen are in the air ducting. I just said that, me. My stomach is feeling just awful. Did I mention that that drink was my breakfast? I'm setting off the beacon. That's good. Good job, Pond. Nice and easy. Easy pea... Never mind. I swear to God, if I have to drink more of this stupid thing. Okay, here we go. Okay, yes, cut the wires. Cut the wires, that's it. Good idea, Pond. Good thing the power is off. Okay, yeah, very good thing. All right, die. It didn't die. Uh, uh, uh... I don't have anything. Amy! Oh, turn the power on. Yes, die. Die, yes. Sod you, Cyber Steve. Yes, yes, not a single death except for yours. You have to drink it. Ah, man. All right, now I can examine you. Looks like a radio, looks like a radio. Looks like a radio. Let's swipe it. No, all right, let's Sonic it. No, really? All right. Normal bullets can't harm them, but they are vulnerable to Daleky weaponry. Ah! Always getting one upped by the Daleks. Why not? No, let them come save us. Can't always be me saved the day. I want someone else to have a go. No, I can hear you, though. All right, well, maybe Dr Meadows has once. Let's go ask her. Hello, Dr Meadows. Oh, Dr Meadows. Where's Dr Meadows, Doctor? I mean, where's Doctor Meadows, Doctor? Did you fix the radio? No, but... Then you really need to let me concentrate on this. Yeah, piss off, Pond. I'm working on things. All right, we're gonna talk to Chisholm, apparently. Game on. I thought I could find it on my own, but apparently I need a man's help all of a sudden. Well, maybe I should research Chisholm. Yes, that's not a bad idea. Chief engineer as well as an archaeologist, but he wasn't teacher's pet. Woof. Chisholm! I mean, Chisholm! I'm a woman, I'm sexy! Give me a radio or things! Why are you still here? Just to suffer. So how are you? There's a spare one in my locker. The code is 3-2-4-5. All right, remember that. You at home, 3-2-4-5. 3-2-4-5. Pert, we trap Tom Baker and Davidson. 3-2-4-5. OK, I don't need to remember anything. There it is, yes! A capacitor. Not a flux capacitor. Doc Brown and Whitaker would be very happy if it was, but it's not. It's a radio capacitor. You've got to be more specific. Say there's a plague or something. Um, polar flu. Oh, there we go. She did. She heard me. There's a nerve we can help. Yes, bomb us. Just completely nuke the base. I'm going back in time. Do you reckon we will see Karen coming in and then we get to tell her to buzz off? That'd be funny wouldn't it? Serum. Serum. Much better than semen. All right, so he was looking at this one. We've got to make sure the timelines match up. What on earth is this? What am I looking at? OK, right. I think, I just want to get it. Ah, no, I don't. I thought I did, but I don't. Oh, I've got to make it more purple. OK. I don't, I mean, yay. I don't have to drink cake. Who's a clever boy then? I never want to hear that again. Oh, I forgot to put on my watch. There it is. It's about quarter past, we're fucked. Chisholm! Chisholm! I'm sorry I called you chisholm. It was funny, but then I forgot to do the joke for a while, so it doesn't make sense. Come down and take it. Come down and take it. Told that to River once. Ah! I'd rather you be dead too to be H, but all right. Lalalalalala. Wonder how that tastes. I wonder if it tastes anything like this disgusting concoction. You are so funny. Thank you, Pond, I'm with you there. Looks like a network of tunnels. Why dig all those? Standard procedure in digs. You dig a cross pattern of trenches, or in this case, tunnels until you find what you're looking for. Diamonds, usually. Oh, I'm thinking of Minecraft. Uh, I don't hear it. Quick, quick, quick, quick. Quick, Pond. I'd rather not. Oh, did he see you, Cazza? Wait, did he see you, Cazza? I can barely taste the egg, which is good. But it... Ah! Oh, Jesus. Sonic the Hedgehog. Sonic the Ponchoch. Run, Cazza. Quick, quick, before he turns around. Pond, hurry up, for God's sake. Oh, hello. Donna! Oh, I remember you. Unfortunately, you don't remember me. I think we're okay. I think we're okay. Quick, Amy. That's an issue. Okay, don't like that. Down the ladder. I'd rather not get caught by that other cyber slave again. Okay. At least we don't have to do any more stealth now. We're out of the... Come on, Amy. I mean, come on, Amy. Oh, for God's sake, Pond. Leg it. Ah! I don't want to drink egg again. I'm just speed running. I don't like stealth. I like shooty-shooty. Gatwa. Don't mind if I do. It's McCoy! Oh, this looks bloody fun, doesn't it? Cool shit, though. Do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do. Next, Doctor Soundtrack, probably. Don't give the enemy credit. No offence, Cyber Steve. Run! There isn't. I couldn't see one. Oh, there's one here, though. Check that out. I think it's going to be... You know what? Doesn't matter. Martha Jones! Oh, good old Martha. I miss you. All right, let's just keep running. Oh, dear. Okay. Oh, it moves quite fast. Come on, Kazza, quick. Oh, I shouldn't have gone this way. Wrong way. Okay, um... Ah! Get on the pad. I have to lose it first. All right, quick lose interest. Lose interest, lose interest. There must be another lift up there that you can activate for me. There must be another lift up there. There must be another lift for me. I'm a little bit stuck there. Jump for my love. Jump in. Feel my touch. Oh, that's a bit dirty. All right. Oh, another jelly baby. Good, good, good. Okay, let's keep it on moving. So long as you remember all the people that you have to meet. Let's see. Oh, here we go. Another lift. Control Plasm doesn't work. Of course it doesn't. Of course, why would it? See, Doctor, you should have come up here. You should have fixed it. There are some cyber slaves on this beach. Pull them up there. There. See? If you were up here the first time, we wouldn't have this issue. The Doctor really does doom his companions. So I see the cyber slaves still stuck. Here we go. Piece of cake. Oh, did meadows get here? I knew it! Nice eye makeup, by the way. Weird priorities. Where the fuck did they come from? Oh, for goodness sake. Don't you dare. Why? I always like the ones with the brains. Ha! Suck it! Oh, there's not more stealth. Is there? Tell me there's... Oh, fine. Cryrogenics. Oh, is that supposed to be one frozen in ice? That's damn right, adorable. At least I don't have Amy following me this time. Yes, granted, she is going to die. Okay, apparently Amy... You know what? Not too bad. It's a good time to mention that you should subscribe to the official Jack Reeves YouTube channel. He's drinking egg for you. I think he deserves it. Amy! Wow, you weren't that far away at all. Sorry, one sec, Amy. I am focused on you, but I just want to check if there's a collectible nearby. No, okay. You have my full attention. Sit down. Now it's you that's cuffed out of the two of us. Not fun, is it me? Cuffed things. Thanks, Elton. Kaza? Kaza! No, am I on my own here? Whatever. Weren't better on my own anyway. Hello? We should be safe now. We? Oh, hello. Hey, Miss Mena! Oh, no, she's dead. Oh, my stomach is not happy about the egg. Oh, Jesus. Oh! Oh, gosh. I really should have had, like, a normal breakfast before this. I'm saying that because I've been back into cryo sleep. All right. Oh, it's another one of these! Oh, I'll see you after. Piece of piss. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. And there was me looking forward to a leisurely stroll. Oh, like, that was gonna happen, Kaza. Just jam out to Murray Gold. I am the doctor, and you are a mealy upon... Run! 60 seconds! All right, no pressure. Quick, get on the lift. All right, come on. Quick, quick, quick. Yes. Oh, God, it's like Mummy on the Orient Express. Except, instead of being just on a train in space, we're... Well, here. Run! 30 seconds already! Oh, time flies when you're about to be murdered by cryostasis. Oh, hello. What's that? Oh, that was convenient. All right, in, in, in. Quick, quick, quick. Not much damage, but sure. That seems to go according to plan. Into the PNG. Not exactly a T-pose. More like an upside-down V-pose. We did it! Blood of the Cybermen, the second Doctor Who adventure games has been completed. I hope you enjoyed my suffering. I despised it personally. I hope you enjoyed regardless. I certainly won't be doing it like that again. But if you want it, perhaps we can do TARDIS with some other new challenge. See you next time.