 How do you know when an introvert likes you? How do you know when he's someone who cares? Maybe there's a guy in your life who's kind of quiet, reserved, maybe a little bit shy, but you have a sneaking suspicion that this guy actually likes you. How can you be certain about this? How can you be sure that this introvert guy actually likes you? That's what we're gonna be talking about today. Hello, my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. If you didn't know, I'm actually an introvert myself and so this is a topic that's near and dear to my heart. And so let's talk about the signs that an introvert guy actually likes you. So sign number one is that he makes an effort to be around you as much as possible. And so sometimes with introvert guys, he might not chase you like you might expect a normal guy to just start chasing you and pursuing you and doing all that kind of stuff, but he might end up wanting to be around you and hang out around you and he puts himself in situations where he can be around you whenever he can. So introverts, they tend to be those people who, if they don't like you, they like avoid you at all costs, right? They're like, they see you and they're like hiding under their desk or whatever. And maybe even if they do like you, they might do that. But if they do try to be around you, you know for sure that he definitely wants to be around you and that he likes you and that he wants to connect with you. If you're here with us right now, say hi and tell us where in the world you're watching this in the comments section. It's cool to see women from all over the world watching these live streams. All right. So number two is he's making an effort to start a conversation with you, even if it's a little bit of a weird conversation, right? So he tries to talk to you. He tries to text you. He tries to message you or he tries to start a conversation with you, even if it's one that doesn't even really make a whole lot of sense to you. And it's one of those things like, and this isn't always the case, right? So as an introvert myself, I used to be really bad at conversations. I'd like say things and be like, and just sit there and think about it and be like, did what I said, did what I just say, was that weird? Did I just say something weird, you know? And so it's one of those things like a lot of people that sometimes spend a lot of time by themselves will not be that sometimes they'll try to communicate or connect or do something and it might come across as a little bit like socially awkward or something like that. But he's trying to make an effort, right? And that's the important point here is that he's trying to make an effort. He's trying to connect with you. He wants to connect with you. And that shows you that he actually likes you. So number three is that he may observe you from afar at first. So one of the telltale signs of a lot of introverts is that they tend to take time getting to know somebody. So they'll, they tend to be one of those people that they don't let a lot of people into their lives and they especially don't let a lot of people into their personal lives or their private lives. And so sometimes they'll just take time getting to know somebody before they really kind of let them in because it's really a big like a they kind of look at their space as almost sacred or private or something that they only allow certain people into. And so if he's one of those kinds of extroverts or introverts and he's bringing you into that space, it might take him a little bit of time at first. And so he might go slow. And sometimes we have women in our community that are like, why is this guy going so slow? You know, and it could, it could be a number of different things. But if he's an introvert, that could be a really big reason for it. But he might, so he might end up just observing you from a, checking you out from afar, you know, obviously in a non creepy way. He's just like, Hey, you know, comes, I don't know, maybe that was weird. Okay, number four is he opens up to you. And so most introverts, they don't really open up to a lot of people. And so if he's telling you things about himself, if, you know, you are somebody that he wants to be connected to. So if he enjoys talking to you, and he tries to keep the conversation going, and he's opening up, and he's kind of doing these things with you in a conversation, he's doing it in order to stay connected. And the reason that he's trying to stay connected is because he likes you. So anytime he does that, then you know that he's, you're special to him, you're different for him. Number five is he's taking risks for an introvert, right? So many introverts are super reserved. And so if he starts taking risks by maybe he's going somewhere with you, or doing something that he normally would never go and do, he's doing that because he likes you, right? If he's speaking to you, and normally he's like just hanging out by himself, or he doesn't talk to people or whatever, right? But he's talking to you, he's starting conversations with you, he's having conversations to you, that can be a really risky thing for a lot of introverts, depending on their personality and a lot of other things around that as well. How much they've kind of pulled themselves out of their box and talked to a whole bunch of other people and all that kind of stuff. And so if he's doing risky things around you for an introvert, that's a really, really good sign. So number six is that he shares something deeply personal with you. So maybe he shares some kind of fear or maybe it's not even as dramatic as that, maybe it's just a goal or a hobby or something like that, right? He's just sharing with you, he's connecting with you, he's bringing you into his world. And if you like an introvert and he's connecting with you by bringing up kind of personal things, then you know that he's kind of into you, he kind of likes you. If you get what I'm talking about right now, say I get it in the chat. If you don't get what I'm talking about, then go ahead and ask a question and I'll get to it here in a little bit. And also at the end here, I'm going to talk about what you can do to kind of pull an introvert out of the shell a little bit more and get him to connect with you more and get him to kind of step up and start moving things forward a little bit more. So number seven is he invites you into his personal space and so what he's doing may seem a little bit weird to you, right? If he's an introvert and he spends a lot of time by himself, a lot of introverts are into things that extroverts, if you're an extrovert you're used to, it's funny. Like I was actually just hanging out with a friend of mine yesterday with this extrovert and she was like, it was funny. She's all about talking to people and being in conversations and hanging out with people all the time and my friend and I are both introverts and we're like, yeah, I could spend five days. It's like one of those things like when the pandemic hit. It was like, this didn't even really, it's not a whole lot different than what my normal life is like when the pandemic hits, hanging out by myself most of the time anyway and whatever. Anyway, so if he brings you into his personal space to share whatever weird introvert things that he's into, it's because you're special to him and he's connecting with you and he's being vulnerable around you and he's bringing you into his world, which means that he probably really likes you a lot and so let's talk about what, you know, if you're, if you like this introvert, right, this introvert, if you're into this introvert and you're like, okay, you know, how do I get him to kind of step up and lead this relationship that I want to have with him if he's not quite doing all the things, right? Because sometimes a lot of introverts, what happens is they spend so much time by themselves at home or whatever even growing up that a lot of times they're a little bit clueless as to what they should be doing in dating or how they should be connecting with someone or any of that kind of stuff. That was definitely my case when I was growing up. I actually first got into the dating advice industry as a client because I was an introvert, I had no idea what was going on. I had no clue that I was supposed to be pursuing women, that I was supposed to be approaching women, that I was supposed to be starting conversations with women. I thought they would like come to me somehow and it would just happen and, you know, all that kind of stuff and so I had to learn about what it meant to be a man, what it meant to be attractive, what it meant to connect with a woman, what women were like and what they did and all that kind of stuff because it was completely foreign to me. I had no clue when I became an adult how to connect with women in any way, shape, or form. And so, you know, it might be something that he doesn't really get. And so the first thing that you want to do if you want him to start stepping up and leading and kind of taking charge in the relationship is to encourage behaviors that you want to see more of with him because he'll look for those things, right? He'll check those things. He'll be like, okay, well what is, you know, what's normal behavior here? What's not normal behavior here? Assuming that he's got at least some level of awareness, he'll want to kind of figure out what he should be doing. And so you want to just encourage any kind of behavior that you want to see more of. So encourage him to connect with you, encourage him to take the lead, encourage him to initiate contact, initiate conversations, you know, keep going with conversations. And the best way, in my opinion, to do this is to link, create an association, right? Link it, frame, like I talk about in the Love Frames toolkit, frame the conversation around the idea of it being attractive, right? Because he wants to be attractive to you. And so if you're like, okay, you know, when you do this, I find it really attractive. Oh, it was so attractive when you, you know, reached out to me or it feels so good when you're reaching out to me or connecting with me or, you know, I really love it when guys do this or any of that kind of stuff, right? Like, I talk about that in great detail in the Love Frames toolkit. But just, you know, associate, create associations around what you want him to do and what he does do with it being attractive. And he will, most guys, even if he's an introvert, will start picking up on that and he'll start wanting to do those things because he wants you to feel like he's attracted, like you're attracted to him, like he's attractive to you. Alright, so number two is, this is a huge one, too, is you want to get his blueprint for communication in a relationship. And I hear women do this all the time, they're, yeah, like we get women that are like, oh my god, this guy, like he hasn't talked to me in two days, like what is his problem? I've completely written him off at this point and I don't think he even loves me anymore. And I'm going to find a new guy and I'm going to block this guy. And it's like, whoa, you know, especially as an introvert, I'm like two days, like that's crazy. You know, even in the men's dating space, depending on who you follow in the men's dating space, there's a whole lot of different people that are teaching in the men's dating space. But some of them will talk about, you know, especially when you're first in the dating, initial dating phases of meeting a woman, but you know, only reaching out to her, only connecting with her, you know, every five to seven days, something like that. And so you have to connect with, when you're connecting with any man, even if he's not an introvert or whatever, if you want to stay out of some kind of weird thing where you have this miscommunication about what should be doing and he must not like me because he hasn't messaged me in, you know, a day or two or whatever, then what you need to do is find out what his blueprint is for communication in a relationship, right? Because he might, he may not want as much communication as a normal person would in a relationship. He might think of relationships as like, Hey, I connect with her at once every few days or whatever. And so with any guy that you meet, you should find out what his blueprint is. Like, what is it, what's normal for him in communicating and connecting and talk about your kind of what's normal for you and what you feel like is normal. Because if you think that connecting every single day is supposed to be what a guy does if he likes you and he thinks that connecting every three days or five days or whatever is what a guy should do when he likes somebody, then you're going to be very, very confused or sad or you're going to feel like he ghosted you, right? Like a lot of times I get women that are like, he ghosted me, right? And then I'll have them send out that, that forward text message that I have in the, the forever woman program and the guy will respond back and he's like, Oh, I thought you didn't like me or he's like, you know, whatever, right? Like it's only been a couple of days and it's not a big deal. Or, you know, there's a lot of different reactions that they get. A lot of times the guy thinks that she ghosted him because of a whole bunch of other things, right? And so you want to find out what his blueprint is, find out what's normal for him and what he thinks is normal as far as communication goes in a relationship and in a dating sense. So number three is you want to give him some extra time and some extra space. So he might want to see you, but he might also need some space at the very same time, right? It's one of those things. There's a joke in the introvert space where we're like, we're like, we want to go hang out with somebody and then we like go hang out with them for like a half an hour and they're like, we're like, okay, well, we gotta, I gotta go, you know, it's kind of like this running introvert joke where you just you want to hang out with people, but you also want your space and it feels kind of uncomfortable and it feels like a whole bunch of different things for a lot of people, right? I've got a lot of social anxiety. I'm an introvert and I have a lot of social anxiety. And so I've kind of expanded that over time because I've worked on it over and over and over again over a period of years. And so now I can go and hang out and crowds and stuff. And it's not that big of a deal for me for the most part for a while anymore. But a lot of a lot of guys, they don't want to hang out, especially if they're an introvert, they don't want to go hang out with people for long periods of time and stuff because it just drains them sometimes. And it depends on the person, right? Every person is different. And so for me, for instance, I'm not as good in crowds. I can do it for a little bit, but after a while, I have to go like sit and be myself or whatever. However, if I'm just like with one person, I'm just focusing on just having a conversation with one person, I can do that forever, especially if it's a deep, interesting conversation about psychology or life or human potential or some of the topics that I'm interested in, I can do that forever. So number four is you want to tell him that if he needs space, just to let you know. And so if he needs space at any point, just say, hey, if you ever need any space, just let me know. And I won't be offended or any of that kind of stuff. And if I ever need any space, I'll let you know. And then you've kind of created an opening for that person to just be like, hey, I need some space right now. And as somebody who might not be an introvert or somebody that wants to connect or somebody that's in a position where you're with somebody like that, it might feel a little bit hurtful to you, but at least you know. And then you can connect with somebody else and complain to them that your boyfriend doesn't want to connect with you as much as you want to connect with him or whatever. Whatever you end up doing with your friends and all that kind of stuff. So, all right, so I'm just going to go back over the signs real quick. And then here's what I want you to do. If you're with us right now, post, what is your biggest challenge or frustration in your dating or relationship life right now? So what's your biggest challenge? Or what's your biggest frustration going on in dating or relationships right now? And so let's talk about the signs that an introvert likes you. Number one, he makes an effort to be around you as much as he possibly can. Number two is he's making an effort to start a conversation, even if it's a little bit weird. Number three is he may observe you from afar at first. Number four is he opens up to you. Number five is he's taking risks that would be risks for like an introvert. Number six is he shares something deeply personal. Number seven is he invites you into his personal space. And then if you want him to, if you want to encourage him to kind of step up and be the man and lead the relationship, what you want to do is encourage behaviors that you want and communicate what it is that you want so that he knows. Number two is you want to get his blueprint for communication in a relationship. Number three is you want to give him extra space. And number four, you want to let him know that if he needs space, just to let you know. And so that's it. Let's see what everybody has to say here. Hello, hello, Ivy. Hello, Adelaide. Hello, Lanny. So Christy says they may be indirect, but they may, they will make their feelings known. One guy, one introvert guy was into me was asking to hang out offered to pick me up when he was going to the store and more. There you go. There you go. There you go. Hi, Rachel. Hi, Cassie. Hi, Ivy. Ivy says she's learning a lot from me while I'm happy to hear that. Jenny says hello from Ohio, London. Doop-de-doop-de-doop-de-doop. Maggie says she's one of those introverts. All right. Introvert power. We're all here for the introverts, introvert power. We got it. We got it, girl. So Cassie says, what if you know he likes you, but he doesn't come forward? Well, it's one of those things, and I talk about this as well, because it's, so you can take, like, if you decide that you want to take a risk, right? And you're like, hey, I kind of like this guy, but he's not kind of moving anything forward. You can kind of take some risks and, you know, ask him things or say things to him, tell him that you'd love to, you know, you'd love it if he'd ask you out sometime or something like that, right? It's not a big deal, right? Like a lot of, there's some coaches out there that are like, never, you know, ever do this, never, you know, initiate contact, never say anything, never, you know, push anything forward, never, never, never, never, never. Well, I mean, there are things that you never want to do. Like, you never want to chase a man, but this isn't chasing, right? If you, if you tell him that you'd love it, if he'd take you out, what you're doing is you're, you're giving him an invitation, right? And I'm a huge fan of invitations. And so you create an invitation, you're like, hey, I would really love it if you did this, right? And then you just, you're throwing the ball in his court, you're hitting the ball over the net, and you're waiting for him to hit the ball back, right? You're seeing if he's going to take the ball and run with it, which he may or he may not. And so you don't want to be overly invested in what happens and what doesn't happen. You can just throw it out there. And if it works, that's great. And if it doesn't, that's fine too, because you're not overly invested. And if he wants to be in a great relationship with you, he needs to step up, he needs to move things forward. And he needs to be the man in the relationship, which is something that, you know, I talk about in detail in the Forever Woman formula. If you don't have it yet, you can go check it out at the foreverwomanformula.com. Go watch that video that's there and sign up for the program for free. And if you want to stay a part of the community, you can stay a part of the community for a fee and get coaching and all kinds of other stuff. So go check it out. Maria says, Maria McBean says, Hi, I love your videos. I'm in New York. Well, hello from, hello, Miss New York. Invert. Rachel says, if the girl and the guy are introverted, how do they get together? Well, somebody has to, has to throw out an invitation and the other person has to take that invitation and run with it. And so it's one of those things. I've been in relationships with introvert women before. And I'm a little bit different than most people because I'm pretty confident and persistent. And I know, I know a lot about dating. And so I know when somebody's into me, even if they don't show any signs necessarily. And so it's one of those things where, you know, you can throw out signs, right? Throw them, throw them little, you know, invitations. And if he decides to take it and run with it, that's great. And if he doesn't, then, you know, there's only so much you can do to try to force a guy to do anything, right? And so you want him to take the ball and run with it. You want him to be the man and you can show him some kind of invitation. But don't, don't take on the pursuer, chaser, investor role at all. And you never want to do that unless, unless, unless you're in a committed relationship. And there's a reason to do that in the committed relationship. And it's a temporary thing. That's the only time that you want to do that. Nancy says, great subject. I'm with an introvert. Well, I'm glad it's a great subject. Rachel says, I send the guy things he likes, is that good? Well, it depends on if he's sending you things that you like as well, right? If you're throwing a whole bunch of things at a guy, and he's not picking up that ball and running with it, you need to stop what you're doing. Stop messing with that guy, build abundance in your life, like what I talk about, in the forever woman formula. And make sure that you're not putting all your eggs in a basket with a guy that's not even into you, that doesn't like you that much, that's not taking the ball and running, that's not being the pursuer, that's not leading, that's not really into you, right? I've actually had women on my Instagram account from when that just randomly like we're trying to connect with me, and they just like, have a full conversation with me, even though I'm not even responding back, and they're throwing things at me and all this kind of stuff. And eventually I block them, because I'm like, what are you doing? And they think we're in a relationship and all this other stuff. Don't do that, right? You don't want to do that. You don't want to be investing, which is what you're doing, throwing a whole bunch of things at him that he likes. But is he responding back? Is he connecting back? Is he sending you things that you like? Is he sending you things that he likes? Is he connecting with you? If he's not doing any of those things, you need to not worry about him and find a guy who's actually going to value you and pursue you and treat you like the amazing, awesome, wonderful woman that you are. That ultimately is what you want. If you're here with us right now in the comments section, tell us what your favorite color is. My favorite color is blue, specifically it's navy blue. I'm trying something different here. Let's answer some questions. What's your favorite color? Tell me what your favorite color is. Grandma says, do it mean anything if he says, say he really appreciate me? It just means that he appreciates you. It doesn't mean anything past. He appreciates you. It means that he likes you to some degree. It could be a friendship degree. It could be that could be it, right? It could be something more. But if you want to know if a guy really, really likes you from a romantic standpoint, there's one thing that you should be looking for. And that is his investment, his movement forward. He's investing in you emotionally, mentally, physically, from a time standpoint, from an energy standpoint. He's thinking about you a lot. If he's not doing any of those things, it really doesn't matter if he, you know, what he's doing. So it doesn't even matter if he likes you or not because he needs to be able to step up, right? If you want a great relationship with a guy who's the masculine force in your relationship, he, you need to wait for a guy who's doing the masculine things in the relationship. Stop playing private detective and instead have a guy who's showing you for sure that he really likes you. That's what you want. Doreen says, I do a lot by myself because he is anti-social. Yeah, I mean that can be a challenge for a lot of women in relationships with an introvert is that especially if you're an extrovert, that's one of the challenges is that if you're introvert to introvert can be good, it can be bad though, right? Because you never end up leaving the house if you're both, if you're both introverts, you might just spend all of your time hanging out by yourselves and not leaving the house at all. If you're an extrovert and an introvert, what might end up happening is that as an extrovert, you're like constantly trying to get this person out of the house and every once in a while you get them out of the house and usually they have a good time when they're out of the house, but then they're like, I want to go back to the house, right? And so it can be a challenging thing and you have to decide depending on how much he's an introvert and how much you're an extrovert, whether that's a situation that actually serves you and that you want to be in long term. A lot of women get into these relationships because they feel something for a man and not because they actually are a good match for a man. So they're just like, oh, I feel it for him. And so this is it. And you need to use both your head and your heart when you get into a situation with a man because you don't want to end up, a lot of women just use their heart and then they're in a situation that with a guy that's not really good for them. And a lot of women just use their brain and then they never end up connecting with guys. And so the guys aren't really that into them. And then they're like, you know, what am I doing wrong? I never meet a good guy or whatever. And so you gotta, I hope that answered your question there. Doreen speaking to Doreen. But I'm sure a lot of other people can use that knowledge and information. Joanne says, hello, Matt. Nice meeting you. Hello, Joanne. Nice meeting you too. Lots of people get it. Ivy says, I attract introverts. I am an extrovert wondering why that is. Well, one of the big things in relationships that a lot of times create passion, right? And a lot of times extrovert women, for instance, are really attracted to me. Like they'll see me and they're like, oh my God, I just love this guy for whatever reason, right? And a lot of times there's a lot of passion in relationships like that because it's the differences that create the passion. And it's the sameness that creates the connection. And so if you have a guy that's got opposite things as you, for instance, he's really masculine and you're really feminine or he's really feminine and you're really masculine or let's say that he's got this dark side to him and you've got this light side to you or you've got the dark side and he's got this light side or the introvert extrovert thing. A lot of those things can create a lot of passion because it's that variety. It's creating that spice. It's creating that there's something interesting going on. There's something I don't understand about this guy and there's something that he doesn't understand about me and so they're really, I don't know, there's something about him that's just, it's just so interesting and I just want to hang out with him all the time because he's an introvert and it's just talk to me, talk to me, let's hang out and then you're hanging out. Maybe that's probably not what you're like Ivy. I'm sure that's not what you're like Ivy, but there is a lot of passion in the differences. Hi, Matthew. How can we connect with someone new and avoid contact tracing? Contact tracing, let's see. I'm not familiar with that term. Contact tracing. Oh, so you're talking about the pandemic stuff. There's lots of ways that you can do that. You can connect with people online. You can sit far away from people when you're talking to them. You can do, you can do, I mean, there's a whole bunch of different ways around it, right? Ultimately, if you're worried about virus stuff, there's only so much that you can actually do about it and if you have a lot of people in your life that you're worried about getting it, then it can be a legitimate concern for you and you just want to make sure that you're not putting yourself into overly risky situations whenever you don't have to and it depends on where you live. If you're just worried about it and you don't have anybody, if you're not somebody that's high risk and you don't have people at home or whatever people that you're visiting on a continuous basis, that are high risk as well, it depends on where you live, right? Because there are certain places where you live where everything's open, everything's cool and everything's good and there's other places where you can live where everything's shut down and everybody's peeking out their windows and everybody's wearing a mask and they've got these suits on and they're walking around town with the suits on and stuff and so it really depends on where you live and how concerned you are with it and how worried you are about what's going on and how at risk you are and you have to make intelligent decisions from that standpoint but you can definitely connect with people through online and you can definitely just stay a distance from people when you hang out with them and do the best that you can in order to make sure that you're not getting something if you're really really concerned about it, if you're not concerned about it then do whatever you want to do. Nancy says, going on second year and learning more about him as time goes on but he is totally a gentleman and we are getting more relaxed with each other as time goes on, that's cool. Aries Aries says, two days crazy women are crazy sometimes, it's true I mean for me I'm like, it's just everybody has a blueprint though you know like you I can sit here and rag on people who are like oh you know they they're this silly two-day thing right but for some people their blueprint is that they want to be connected with every single day right and they they have or maybe they have some kind of anxious anxiety thing or sorry anxious I was just looking at it earlier today type they're they're one of those types anyway people have things where sometimes they want to be connected with a lot and some other people have things where they don't want to be connected with nearly at all and so there's middle grounds and there's far grounds and all that kind of stuff and some people like different things and you know so you just have to kind of communicate and figure out what works for different people and and all that kind of stuff and you know if you want to judge people judge people if you don't you don't so CJ says at first I thought he might be fake LDR because he was so slow never spoke about anything personal so many things went through my mind but the time he opened up it felt great cool cool cool cool cool cool Aries Aries says women really need to focus on themselves at the beginning of a relationship men need space they really do sometimes women need space as well it was it was funny I was talking to a friend of mine who's going through a lot of men's dating stuff right now and he was talking about he was saying all these different things about what they say in the men's dating space right he's like he's like well you know women need more space than men do and women fall in love slower than men fall in love and you know like all these different things right like you need to give women you know you just let them go and then when they contact you and start pursuing you that's you know when you and I'm like wow you know it's funny because they say all the same things in the women's dating space you know and he's like really and I'm like yeah every single one of those things that you just said are very similar things that people teach in the women's dating space and and obviously you know there's a middle ground and that's where a lot of people kind of lose sight right like when we talk about this idea of leaning back there's I was actually reading a book from some woman who's a coach who was talking about how if you're you know you should be leaning back and when you lean back you never initiate contact and it was like you know if you want guys to think that you're not interested in you and ghost you and never talk to you after a first date and all that kind of stuff that's a great idea and it's the same on the men's side right like there's relationships are built together they're not built by one person or the other otherwise it's it's this really kind of weird painful thing which kind of comes from that and so there's a middle ground right I always talk about the magic is in the middle and you want to be in the middle and everything and so lots of people need space lots of people don't need space lots of people need different things and so you really need to connect with people and see what it is that they need see what it is that is their blueprint see what it is that they want and what they need and what's normal for them what they think is normal right because we might be talking here and there's going to be some women in here that are like it's really normal I want to I want him to be talking to me every single day right and then there's going to be some women here that are going to be like I only want to talk to a guy once a week or whatever and so there's you have to find out what it is you have to find out what their blueprint is because everybody's different and if you assume that this is the way that things should be or this is the way that things are and you know whatever you're going to be very very mistaken and so Irene says when he says that I send songs and sketches anyway to both give you a potentially better day and to show I still appreciate your time is that meaning anything you know it's it's always funny when women ask questions like this he's he's saying exactly what he means in this right he's saying I want to potentially give you a better day I want you to have a better day and I want to show you that I still appreciate your time now he's saying that however you also want to look at his actions right I talk about a man's actions in his words and I am not a believer in a man's actions or always speak louder than words I do not believe that at all a lot of women who believe that end up getting into really bad situations where a guy tells them at the very beginning that he doesn't want anything serious but he acts like he does and then they're you know five years into a situation ship and the guys like I've been telling you every time you've asked that this isn't serious she's like but you treat it like it's serious and so you want to listen to both right you want to listen to his actions and you want to listen to his words and those are what mean a lot of things and you should look at the two and then take the one that you want to least believe and that's the one that's usually speaking the loudest that is the one that is usually speaking the loudest speaking the loudest to me so what is great about you that's the next question that we're asking what is great about you tell us what's great about you in the chat tell us what's great about you in the chat so cj says another winner from that winner went to chicken dinner thank you i appreciate that cj let's see yeah areas is kind of responding yikes when they say they need space it does not it means do not contact stop it with the songs that's very needy it you know it's if you're contacting a guy and you're sending him stuff and he's not responding or whatever right because we get some of that sometimes like you like i said you need to just stop it with all that stuff stop it with all that stuff Leslie says we have been together for eight months and we haven't said i love you yet i'm waiting for him to say it first you don't first off first off i'm gonna i mean it's ideal it's ideal if he says it first but you don't have to wait and there's also ways to kind of stair step your way up there right because it's this is just a saying right you're saying that you love each other which isn't necessarily the biggest thing it might be the biggest thing to you but it might not be the biggest thing to him maybe right who knows and you can say things that you love about being together and all that kind of stuff to kind of stair step your way up to that and eventually he'll probably start saying it to you however i don't think it's the biggest deal if he's been a really masculine guy if he's been pursuing you if you're in a committed relationship if you're exclusive if you're in a committed relationship if he's telling you other things that are like hey you know you're the you're the only woman for me i want to be with you like all that kind of stuff it's not a big deal if you say i love you first however if he's not saying those things if you're not if you haven't talked about exclusivity yet if you're not in a committed relationship where he told where he's told you that you're the one you're all he wants that he's in this and that you're doing this together and all that kind of stuff doesn't matter or any of the other stuff that you're doing those are the important things that you're doing if you haven't done that yet you definitely shouldn't be saying it because he's probably not in that space at all and if you're eight months in and you haven't been talking about those things that's a big problem because he already knows at this point he probably already knows what kind of a relationship he wants with you by the 12 month mark he definitively without a doubt no question knows what kind of a relationship that he wants with you they've done studies on this and they found that around the six month mark most men know exactly what kind of a relationship that they want with a woman and so you have to make sure that you're doing things that are smart and getting yourself into a good situation and that you're not just wasting your time with some dude who's not moving things forward who doesn't want the same kind of relationship that you want who doesn't want the same who doesn't want the relationship you want with you and any of those other kinds of things and so you definitely want to look at all that kind of stuff and then the whole i love you thing can kind of come into play if that's that if it's not that then you want to be questioning what's what's going on where this is going and all that kind of stuff because you are in the space right now leslie where he should be he should be going one way or the other right he should either be you know moving things forward or he's in a space where he's like you know i don't see you as somebody that's long term and so you need my suggestion is that you start figuring out that out you start having conversations with him now about those things so you don't end up wasting any more time with a guy that's not really into those things never assume exclusivity never assume commitment never assume any of those things doesn't matter if you you've met his friends doesn't matter if you've met his family doesn't matter if he takes you on dates doesn't matter if he's romantic to you doesn't matter any of those things if he doesn't talk about those things if he's not moving things forward in those ways do not assume those things to be true like i said sometimes words speak a lot louder than actions do and it does in situations like this it potentially so i don't know if that's your situation or not leslie it might not be however those are things that you might want to think about so caroline says hi from montreal how to ask him if he is still interested without him pulling away well you know the question the concern for me that comes up when you ask this question caroline is that you don't know if he's interested or not right like what situation are you in where you're confused you're unsure about whether he's interested so there's two kind of scenarios here that you could be in the first one is that you're in a situation where he's not showing that he's interested in you that's situation number one situation number two is that he does show that he's interested in you but you're insecure about whether he's interested in you and so you're scared of asking about whether he's interested in you and i'm just going to address number two here so if he's if he's interested if he's not showing that he's interested in you right he's not initiating contact he's not you know taking you out on dates he's not showing interest in you i don't know what your situation is we're just going to assume that you're dating right now but maybe you're in a committed relationship or something but let's just assume that you're dating if if he's interested in you he'll show you and the way that he shows you is through his actions right he moves things forward he takes you out on dates he does all these things sometimes women still don't get it right they're like oh this guy drove an hour to come see me is he interested in me he he didn't hit on me he hasn't tried to hook up with me yet what you know what's going on and so in those kinds of situation it's all it's like okay well he's actually investing in you and he really likes you and it's obvious that he really likes you to me right and to probably him he's probably like oh my god i'm investing all this time into coming and seeing you and doing all this stuff you know how do you not know that i'm interested in you and you might be kind of like insecure and in the other situation it's like if you're talking to him and he's not complimenting you he's not doing all those kinds of things then he's he's probably not that interested in you and you need to pull back and you need to start you know living your life and dating other people until he decides that he wants to step up and if he doesn't decide that then he's not going to decide that and you know you're in kind of that situation right like you can ask him if you want to like hey are you are hey are you still interested you know as long as you're not attached to it if you're not attached to whatever answer he gives you and you can take the brunt of whatever he says to you then it's fine right if you say if you ask him the question like hey are you still are you still interested in me right which is which is a question that you usually only ask assuming that you're coming from a strong confident whole place it's usually a question that you only ask when a guy's not actually interested in you right and so if you're you're you have to ask it then you probably already know what the answer is I mean you can ask it if you want to and you know basically uh you're kind of giving him the reins in the situation which can be fine if you're kind of at a situation where you're like this dude doesn't like me anymore you know I might as well just ask him if he likes me or not right one he might lie to you because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings and a lot of guys know that women are going to lose their minds if if he if he tells her the truth and so he might end up lying to you he might tell you the truth right and it might be that he is interested in you but you're not a priority and so you have to decide whether that's something that you want to stay in or not if you ask him if he's interested and you have asked him if he's interested before because you're talking about him pulling away right if he pulls away when you ask if he's interested then he's not that interested right he's he's kind of in a situation where you're in a situation where you know he's you know he's afraid of talking about it he's unsure he's he's scared you know I mean he's pulling away because you asked him if he's still interested in you then he's not that into you anymore right if that's what he's doing he's not that into you they're just straight up and so if you're in a situation like that what you probably need to do is start pulling away yourself and start creating an abundance of connection number one so that you're not focusing all your connection on you know what he's doing and is he talking to me and is he interested and he's not and so he's pulling away and all this other stuff and and number two is you want to create an abundance of connection so that you have other options and all your eggs aren't in this basket about you know whether this guy is going to pursue you for the kind of relationship that you want which it sounds like he's not because you don't think he's interested and you're scared of him pulling away if you ask so I mean it sounds like you're in a really tough situation there Caroline and and I'm sorry to hear you that because that really sucks and at the same time you want to make sure that you're putting yourself into a good situation and you're allowing men who want who are going to put you into the situation that you want to be into to walk into your life right because you're you don't want to spend all your time with a guy that's not that into you you want to cut things off and walk away from situations where a guy's not treating you like you deserve to be treated where a guy's not pursuing you like you want to be pursued where a guy's not pushing you into a relationship that you want to be into you don't want any of those situations and if you if you try to force and manipulate or control him into that situation you're just going to have a relationship that's based on control manipulation and force and he's not going to be there because he wants to be there and he's going to end up leaving at some point because those techniques only work for a very short period of time and unless you want to continue doing them forever which most people don't right they want a real genuine connection you want him to love you and connect with you and value you for who you are as a human being for the authentic amazing awesome beautiful woman that you are you don't want him to fall in love with you and stay with you because you manipulated him somehow or you're playing games with him or any of that kind of stuff and so walk away from situations that aren't worthy of you so that you can get into a situation where a man values you a lot more walk away from any man who treats you like five bucks so that you can have a man who walks into your life who treats you like a million dollars maybe a million dollars isn't a lot of money these days a billion dollar trillion dollars Maggie says I think I'm seeing an introvert your advice is good well thank you crystal says an introvert asked me to launch a few weeks ago but hasn't followed up with me just yet I'm waiting for him to ask again I don't want to push him when he is ready when he is ready is all okay he is really shy don't put all your eggs in one basket don't put all your eggs in one basket no no okay so Jenny says we spend every weekend together but says we're really good friends who are open and honest with each other but seems afraid to commit to anything yet treats me better than anyone I've ever met but not moving forward I would love to see this move forward but not sure how is he an introvert well who knows whether he's an introvert or not however what we do have here is somebody who's treating you really well and who's afraid to commit and so if you here's what you need to do you need to pull back right because if he tells you straight up he's not looking to commit he's not looking for a real relationship he just sees you as friends you have to believe him right and you can turn things into something romantic but if he tells you he's afraid to commit that's not going to turn into the relationship that you want to have and so you have to decide first you have to decide what's most important to you the man or the relationship my suggestion is that you focus on having the relationship and that means having everything that it is that you want and number two is you have to decide whether you're willing to walk away from the situation which I suggest that you do either way right because your best chance of him deciding that he wants to change is not you know if you want him to change to committing to you and deciding that he's gonna man up and commit and decide that he wants something real and that he doesn't want to lose you and all that kind of stuff then you need to pull yourself out of that situation and start dating other people and get to a space where he's actually afraid to lose you and communicate to him that he is going to lose you if he doesn't step up to the plate and decide that he wants a committed relationship and so if he's already told you that he doesn't that's great do not get physically intimate with this man if you have stop doing it and two start seeing other people start building abundance in your life start connecting with other men start getting men into your man funnel who are going to try to compete with this man in order to get you into the relationship that you want communicate with him and be like hey you know have that conversation again about commitment and when he tells you that he's not looking for a commitment say okay that's cool you know I'm starting to date again and you know if you decide that you want to be in a real relationship let me know at some point if I'm still single then you know we can talk about it and if I'm not then that's fine right and he might get mad and he might get frustrated and all that kind of stuff and that's great right you want him to get mad and frustrated because he needs to decide that he wants to grow and let go of the past and become a bigger man in order to be in the relationship with you because if you get into a relationship with a man who tells you that he's he's afraid of commitment and you get attached to him and you commit yourself to him and all those kinds of things what's going to happen is you're just going going to enable him and he's not going to grow and he's not going to become a bigger man and he's not going to decide that he wants to let go of his past in order to create a better future with you together and you're going go into this and it's going to be months years decades down the road and then you're going to look back at it and you're going to be like hey you know I've been with this guy who's been willing to walk away at any moment because that's the mindset that he was in from the very very beginning and that he wasn't going to commit and he decided that he didn't want to be in this with me anymore and so he walked away and so you don't want that there's too many women that are in our community that are in those kinds of situations and so my suggestion is that you start with getting abundance it's one of the things that the least number of women that I talk to in our community want to do but it can be one of the most impactful things that you can possibly do get out of the scarcity mindset and get into the world of abundance there are a lot of men out there and if you connect with them many of those men are going to want to get into the kind of relationship that you want to be in but those men can't come into your life a great man who wants a committed relationship cannot come into your life if you're stuck with some dude who's not going to give you what you really want so you have to decide whether the man or the relationship is most important to you and then commit to that decision and my suggestion is that you make it the relationship and not the man and you know and maybe you decide it is the man maybe you're like hey this man's treating me better than any man ever has treated me you know it's not a commitment he could walk away at any time i'm we're just dating forever until he decides that he doesn't want to date me anymore and i'm fine with that and a lot of women are fine with that if you decide that you're fine with that you know own it and you know take responsibility for it and and that's fine you know and if you want something more if you want something real if you want something where he's really in a relationship with you and it's not just this dating thing that you're doing forever then make it about the relationship and not about the man so Sandra says do introverts normally open up and then back away my guy said he pushed me away which is weirding me out because i never said that he said he needs to work on himself but misses me lots yeah i mean that that could be a whole bunch of different things going on he could be just saying it's right it could be that he does need some space it kind of depends on how much time he needs and all that kind of stuff and what kind of a relationship you're in if you're in a relationship at all or whether you're in just a dating scenario and so you know there there's it could be right if he's if he opens up a lot of times when guys open up and connect they actually they're the amount of testosterone in their body actually drops and then they need some time to pull back right and some women are like why are you making excuses for these men when they're you know doing these bad things well sometimes it's not necessarily a bad thing you just think that it's a bad thing right and so it kind of depends right you just need to communicate with him and talk to him and if he's not doing and creating the relationship that you want to ultimately have if he's not pursuing you if he's not doing all those things if you're doing what a lot of women in the world are doing these days which is going into the hookup culture and you want something real you need to make sure like I was talking about before that you get into something real and don't settle for just a hookup style situation ship so thank you everybody for being here today I gotta get going I've got a lot of other things that are going on today but thank you so much it's an honor for me to be here I hope you enjoyed this live stream and I will speak with you again soon and always remember you are worth it have a great day morning night wherever you are