 Goals over girls or guys or goats, whatever you're into, it's cool. But in all seriousness, this video is particularly for the young men out there or young women that are really preoccupied in this phase of their life with trying to find a person to date or person to marry. And I want to discourage you from making that your primary search even though it is incredibly important in a person's life. And instead encourage you to focus on goals for a number of reasons. Now in this video, let's jump in and I want to share what those reasons are and why not only will chasing goals instead of dating and relationships ultimately get you dating and relationships. They're also just going to make your life awesome no matter what happens in your love life. Hey guys, Alex Hine, author of the book Master the Day. Now the best way to get started by improving your life, aka creating goals is by actually setting and working on goals. Now I've included the first link in the description there is a free goal setting worksheet. You'll also get an email every few days on how I used goals to totally reinvent my life and how you can too. So check out the first link in the description there below. The first idea I want to leave you with here is that a partner is somebody that you attract, not someone that you pursue. And I've talked a lot about this before in my other videos, but let me reiterate. You know, when I was in grade school at the end of eighth grade, this girl that went to school with me my entire life looked at me and she said, you know, I just realized that we've been going to school together for like 14 years. And I didn't even know you were in school or what your name was, Alex. She said, I'm going to call you invisible boy. Now that girl obviously had a hard time remembering me. But you know who she didn't have a hard time remembering? This guy, Josh, that was a good athlete, a good student, outgoing, friendly, had good manners, actually talked unlike me. Now it doesn't mean that I should have warped myself into some other person just to get this girl's attention. But the reality is that he had done whether or not I wanted to look at it like that. He had done some work on his life. He had the goal of being a good student. He was a good athlete. He actually spoke and had good conversational skills. I was kind of none of those things besides like an average student. I don't even play sports. I just hadn't really done much. And so there was no reason why I could have been called anyone other than invisible boy. So when I say that goals not only attract your partner, they improve your life. They attract your dream life. Fundamentally, if you focus on goals first, not only are you more likely to become the upgraded version of yourself, which means you will attract higher caliber men, women, goats, aliens, whatever you're into, you'll attract those things into your life at a higher level, at a higher rate. And so if you find yourself dating people and they're like, there's always something you don't like about them or something that's a deal breaker, as you become more of your own 10 out of 10, you will naturally attract more of those people at a quote higher caliber closer to what you want. That's more ideal. Now the second reason to focus on your goals over girls is because of the fact that you will build self esteem and you will build an incredible life no matter what happens. Now look, at the end of the day, we can put in our best effort. But like someone once told me, a married couple, they said, it takes two people for a relationship to work, but only one for it not to work, meaning it takes both people to want to be in a relationship for it to sustain time throughout time, but it only takes one not to be in a relationship. The other one could really want to be in it for it not to work. And so look, if you're young, if you're under 30 chances are you're probably going to go through a relationship that will also end maybe multiple like I have. And maybe guess what, maybe even the person you marry you'll get divorced from in five years, 10 years, 20 years, that's reality too. Maybe the person you marry may die could be 70 years from now and you're old and crusty and it was a happy life, but we all will die. And at the end of the day, if we dedicate our primary goal to finding and being in a relationship, we very often sacrifice ourselves when what happens if you dedicate three years to attracting your dream person and your whole world becomes that person and then it ends and you're like, wow, shit, I gained 40 pounds in this relationship. I have the same job, I live in the same apartment, I still don't like, I always wanted to take that trip to Paris. I still haven't taken it. So no matter what happens, if you're committed to goals, not only will you get that relationship that you really want, but in the meantime, you'll have built an incredible quality of life and that'll be there with your partner. That'll be there without your partner. You win no matter what and you win on top of that, you know, and the epic icing on the cake is when you meet someone that you love. That just makes it like all the sweeter. When you already love your life, then you meet that person and you're like, you're that annoying person that goes into Starbucks at 8 a.m. And the priest is like, welcome to Starbucks. And you're like, what's up, Nancy? What you doing today? And she's like, you're one of those people, huh? But seriously, you win no matter what if you focus on yourself first. Now, the third thing to think about is that there's nothing worse than dating someone where you are their only goal in life. You know, I had a childhood friend who was dating a girl who had a lot of mental health issues. She didn't have a job. She didn't have much going on. She didn't have too many friends. And so he became her world. And around the time that he realized this girl was very unhealthy, was doing hard drugs that he was not into. And she had a lot of personal problems. He decided that they had to end the relationship. And what happened next was that she became that girl that you almost hear about sometimes where she not only called the police on him because of some wild thing and the police showed up at the parent's house, but she also had an entire bottle of Xanax that she had stolen from him in an attempted suicide. And he had to call the police, call the ambulance, get her to the hospital, get her stomach pumped. Now I'm not trying to say that because she didn't have a job or friends or all these things, that's why she tried to commit suicide and do all these things to him. What I am trying to say is that when a person does not have goals outside of a relationship, they don't have other ways to put their attention into their own life. And it becomes an almost smothering, a difficult person to date or to marry when they don't have like Friday or Saturday plans of their own to go out with friends or do a hobby or go do something. It's a lot of pressure on one person to be your whole world or to be the person that fulfills you. It's impossible. I can't fulfill you. I can't make you happy. You have to do that for yourself. And at the end of the day, when you focus on yourself first, like I said, both people win. You win because you built a better, more exciting life. They win because they get a person that's already emotionally healthy, fulfilled, happy, independent, and then you get each other. So that is my two cents. If you're a teenager or someone in your 20s, you haven't had love yet. You want a relationship. My advice would be to focus much more on yourself, on your goals, 90% on that and 10% on the tactics of dating, like going out to these events, going to the bar, swiping on Tinder or a bumble. Focus on your own goals first because then you will naturally throughout your day-to-day life be attracting more of the kind of people that you could have a serious partnership with. And again, if you want to get started with goal setting, check the first link in the description because I've included a free worksheet to help you plan out your best year ever. And you'll get an email every few days on how to build the best year of your life through goal setting. And of course, check out my last videos right there and there.