 Do you ever wonder what sets apart confident, positive people from those who feel insecure and pessimistic? It's not a matter of winning the genetic lottery. Instead, it's a matter of self-love. If we don't take the time to appreciate who we are, it becomes second nature to put ourselves down instead of building ourselves up. Are you wondering why you've been so down in the dumps lately? Here are eight signs of emotional self-harm you should recognize. 1. You run away from your emotions. Do you often reject reality for what it is and escape with drugs, alcohol, or shopping sprees? It's perfectly normal to be afraid when we're stressed out about life, but don't run away from your emotions when they're trying to tell you something. Dr. Steven Stasny believes that feelings are more physiological than psychological. They send action signals to your muscles and organs, which prepare your body to do something you need to heal. When you don't confront your emotions, you also run the risk of putting off your psychological needs. Some questions you can ask yourself are, why am I feeling this way? And is there anything I can do about this situation? It's good to recognize the things that upset you, so you can understand them better through self-reflection. 2. You are ashamed of who you are. Dr. Lynn Margolies says that shame underlies destructive behavior. It's an awful experience the individual goes when they feel bad about themselves. Unlike guilt, which is propelled by our conscience after doing something wrong, shame is actually more dangerous because it doesn't need to be situational. When you feel bad about who you are, you also start to believe that you don't deserve a healthy relationship, support from your friends, or a job that fulfills you, when in fact you do. 3. You belittle your own progress and accomplishments. It's one thing to never grow comfortable and continue setting goals, but it's an entirely different story when you don't give yourself credit for how far you've come. You're hurting yourself when you bask in emptiness after working hard to achieve something instead of taking the time to practice gratitude for your own hard work. One way to appreciate yourself is remind yourself of one thing you're proud of each day. It's also good to take some time off to relax and look back on how far you've come in the last couple of years. This can prevent you from being too fixed on fulfilling the next checkpoint and be grateful for your prior achievements. 4. You internalize your conflicted emotions. This is different from avoiding your emotions. You know what's bothering you, but you refuse to get help from others. When you build walls up, whether it's being dismissive of therapy or alienating yourself altogether from your family, friends, and partner, you're only digging a bigger hole for yourself. Dr. Breen Brown highlights the importance of vulnerability, which is the ultimate driving force of happiness. In the long run, it's good for your health when you become more open and trusting. 5. You constantly feel bad for yourself. William Shakespeare said it best, Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. It's okay to feel sad and disappointed when things don't always work out the way we had hoped. But when you sulk in self-pity, it doesn't change the outcome or help you get better. Instead of jumping to abrasive conclusions like, I deserve to feel bad or be punished, take a further step and ask yourself why you're beating yourself up. Bottom line, you always have a choice, so make it a worthwhile one. 6. You don't prioritize taking care of yourself. Do you practice bad habits, like skipping meals, smoking, not drinking enough water, and consuming alcohol? Research shows that all of these can trigger and worsen your anxiety. Peer pressure sucks. It might seem cool and harmless when everyone else is getting drunk every weekend or sharing a pack of cigarettes. But when it comes down to your emotional well-being, you won't feel good when you crawl into bed late at night and wonder how things got so messed up. Surround yourself with supportive, motivated, and confident individuals who are passionate about life. Although it's good to let loose every once in a while, being around people who exercise healthy habits can remind us to stay focused on our goals. 7. You're self-sacrificial. Are you a people pleaser? Do you have a hard time saying no when others ask you for favors? Helping others can be fulfilling, but not when you are always going the extra mile that can leave you moody, stressed, and exhausted. It's okay to cancel plans and take occasional days off if you feel like you need to stay home and recharge. You deserve to feel appreciated too. 8. You refuse to let things go. Holding grudges is the root of all misery. It's okay to be mad at someone if they lied or cheated you. After all, you trusted them, right? But when you let that anger persist, instead of actually trying to resolve the issue at hand, you ignore your ability to regulate your emotions in a healthy fashion. Dr. Frederick Newman calls this exaggerated willfulness. He believes that this is what causes some people to commit crimes, such as shooting a stranger when they cut them in line. When you only think about yourself, you're not necessarily thinking about the consequences of your own actions. Do you resonate with any of these signs? Want to know what being emotionally healthy looks like? Check out our video here to learn about the subtle signs. Thanks for watching!